Icandothis journal

[BooksandTrees]

1 hour ago, Icandothis said:

Thank you for the explanation on flex time. Yes these additional degrees are long term plans and goals.

 

Thank you for the tips. I am hoping something comes up. Even if it is in AP or payroll. Then I could transition to a different office when the kids get a bit older. 
 

Right now I need the empowerment and connections. It’s a bit daunting, but I keep remembering that I have years of experience and excel at what I do. My managers and really the whole management team loved me from the different companies I worked for. But on the same note, I asked both companies for part time work and they both declined saying a part time position is not available in that speciality. 
 

Just keep trusting that it will work out. I am doing my best and I feel like I have already succeeded. 
 

Thank you!

You got this. One obstacle at a time until the marathon ends. Sometimes it's a long marathon and other times it's not. You have good references and a good mindset.

[Icandothis]

Thank you @ismailkanaan and @BooksandTrees for being here. It really means the world to me. 
 

Yes, we don’t heal in isolation. We heal as a community and as a collective. 
 

I went to therapy yesterday, and I am feeling so much better today. I believe I read a thread where a user was trying to decide if therapy would help. If you are on the fence, please just go in for a consult. There is something so powerful about being seen and heard by another human being. 
 

Thank you all truly for seeing me and listening. Truly. 

[BooksandTrees]

28 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Thank you @ismailkanaan and @BooksandTrees for being here. It really means the world to me. 
 

Yes, we don’t heal in isolation. We heal as a community and as a collective. 
 

I went to therapy yesterday, and I am feeling so much better today. I believe I read a thread where a user was trying to decide if therapy would help. If you are on the fence, please just go in for a consult. There is something so powerful about being seen and heard by another human being. 
 

Thank you all truly for seeing me and listening. Truly. 

Therapy has been the staple of my recovery. I'm glad you're enjoying it and growing. 

[Kona450]

Just to let you know. You are not alone in this battle. Many of us out there even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. Again I can reiterate therapy has been really important in my recovery as well. I do one on one counselling as well as group therapy and both really help. 

[Icandothis]

Nothing makes sense anymore.

[Ikar]

18 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Nothing makes sense anymore.

What makes you think that?

[BooksandTrees]

2 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Need to talk?

[Icandothis]

Day 75 I think.

 

I am grieving a big loss of a beautiful being in my life. Everything has been quiet and I have been very still. 
 

I have reached out for help from the “safe” people i know. I feel held and supported. 
 

I am reaching out to a couple government organizations, in regards to what benefits I can receive. Just dealing with these companies is frustrating because there are long wait times and dead ends. 
 

I am feeling at peace. Trusting God and showing vulnerability to others. 
 

Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. 

[BooksandTrees]

28 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Day 75 I think.

 

I am grieving a big loss of a beautiful being in my life. Everything has been quiet and I have been very still. 
 

I have reached out for help from the “safe” people i know. I feel held and supported. 
 

I am reaching out to a couple government organizations, in regards to what benefits I can receive. Just dealing with these companies is frustrating because there are long wait times and dead ends. 
 

I am feeling at peace. Trusting God and showing vulnerability to others. 
 

Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. 

Keep going. You're going to be so proud of yourself for continuing to push forward. You have no idea how strong you are until you're tested. Keep fighting for you and your kids.

[Icandothis]

My life is a series of inhales and exhales.

 

Inhale- hands to sky

exhale- bow

inhale- low lunge

exhale- chaturanga

inhale- cobra

exhale- down dog

inhale- low lunge 

exhale- bow

inhale- hands to sky

exhale- hands to heart

 

inhale- unload forks

exhale- into cupboard

inhale- spoons

exhale- cupboard 

inhale-knives

exhale- cupboard 

inhale- plates 

exhale- cupboard 

inhale- cups

exhale- cupboard 

inhale- close dishwasher 

exhale- handstand!!!!!!

 

And if you are still with me today, I often don’t know what to write. This is what my life looks like.  Inhale. Exhale.  Breathe the next breath. Do the next thing. There is beauty in the moment. Every moment. 
 

Thank you for being here. 

[BooksandTrees]

9 hours ago, Icandothis said:

My life is a series of inhales and exhales.

 

Inhale- hands to sky

exhale- bow

inhale- low lunge

exhale- chaturanga

inhale- cobra

exhale- down dog

inhale- low lunge 

exhale- bow

inhale- hands to sky

exhale- hands to heart

 

inhale- unload forks

exhale- into cupboard

inhale- spoons

exhale- cupboard 

inhale-knives

exhale- cupboard 

inhale- plates 

exhale- cupboard 

inhale- cups

exhale- cupboard 

inhale- close dishwasher 

exhale- handstand!!!!!!

 

And if you are still with me today, I often don’t know what to write. This is what my life looks like.  Inhale. Exhale.  Breathe the next breath. Do the next thing. There is beauty in the moment. Every moment. 
 

Thank you for being here. 

You sound like my friend who is a yoga instructor. This could be something for you to try. It's not great money, but it's a lifestyle, community, and potentially money. They have the 200 hour and 500 hour instructor classes. It could be a very empowering way to help you find your true path in life.

[Icandothis]

Guys...... guess what!!

 

I was able to talk with the director of a community resource center. They have a full daycare program for kids of families in need. The program would be FREE!!!!

 

This would remove a huge barrier for me as daycare costs 1500 where I live. Having care would allow me to look for jobs in my trained field and take really any job to start on the path of empowering my self. I am in an extremely unhealthy relationship so I am hoping this works out. 
 

Would you pray, send positive energy, good intentions that my family gets accepted into this program? It would mean so much to us. 
 

Thank you so much for being here. 

[BooksandTrees]

2 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Guys...... guess what!!

 

I was able to talk with the director of a community resource center. They have a full daycare program for kids of families in need. The program would be FREE!!!!

 

This would remove a huge barrier for me as daycare costs 1500 where I live. Having care would allow me to look for jobs in my trained field and take really any job to start on the path of empowering my self. I am in an extremely unhealthy relationship so I am hoping this works out. 
 

Would you pray, send positive energy, good intentions that my family gets accepted into this program? It would mean so much to us. 
 

Thank you so much for being here. 

This is great! I knew you'd find programs. With this you'd be able to find a finance job, meet and be around people similar to you and expand your daily life more. I hope it works. 

[Icandothis]

Day 79 we are not meant to live like this. Cell phones, screens, disconnected soulless lives.

 

I yearn for a tribe, a real life community. A gathering space to be seen, dance, laugh, sing, eat..... hug. Like really hug someone for longer than is socially accepted. 
 

Maybe this is my calling. 
 

Connection with the Divine and others. Thank you for being here. 

[BooksandTrees]

7 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Day 79 we are not meant to live like this. Cell phones, screens, disconnected soulless lives.

 

I yearn for a tribe, a real life community. A gathering space to be seen, dance, laugh, sing, eat..... hug. Like really hug someone for longer than is socially accepted. 
 

Maybe this is my calling. 
 

Connection with the Divine and others. Thank you for being here. 

I think it's funny that I had a similar feeling that you have last night. I was thinking of how stressful this year has been and just wished I had someone understanding who could hug me for like 15 minutes lol. 

They need therapists who let you hug them for the last 10 minutes like how you meditate for the last 10 minutes of yoga. 

[Phoenixking]

I'm very happy that you found a proper option for your daycare problem. This would be a great first step in the right direction!

[Icandothis]

Take a deep breath.

 

I have been much calmer when abuse gets thrown at me. 
 

But when thrown at my kids..... the fiery protector comes out. 
 

Very off kilter tonight after witnessing such hate, pain and ignorance. Grow up and check your f*%king ego dude.

 

To my sweet little ones... may you be surrounded by joy, peace and serenity in your bed tonight. May you know how deeply you are loved, held and cared for.  You are pure love and light. 

[BooksandTrees]

4 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Take a deep breath.

 

I have been much calmer when abuse gets thrown at me. 
 

But when thrown at my kids..... the fiery protector comes out. 
 

Very off kilter tonight after witnessing such hate, pain and ignorance. Grow up and check your f*%king ego dude.

 

To my sweet little ones... may you be surrounded by joy, peace and serenity in your bed tonight. May you know how deeply you are loved, held and cared for.  You are pure love and light. 

Has law enforcement been involved? This does not sound safe at all. 

I hope you're all ok. 

[Deku]

Seconded. Hope everyone's safe.

[Icandothis]

Thank you. 
 

I have been involved with the authorities and there is nothing they can do unless it becomes physical. 
 

It takes a real POS of a human being to be mean to a child. 
 

The more and more I exit the fog of gaming, I see how horrible the reality is. Empowering myself is the answer and something I am working towards. 
 

Thank you for being here. Truly. 

[Ikar]

16 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

The more and more I exit the fog of gaming, I see how horrible the reality is.

You are doing a stellar job in taking your life back from the unhealthy environment you have been conditioned to believe was normal. We have all ben there. Keep up the fight!

Edited December 11, 2019 by Ikar

[Phoenixking]

Keep it up! And protect your kids! I feel like the more work you put into yourself and improve your situation and life, the more your kids will benefit from it too!

[Icandothis]

Day 84  I have one job possibility. With a nonprofit. There are only 7 people who work there and the environment seems very laid back. 
 

Still waiting for word on the daycare. 
 

I have been attending the kids holiday performances. Taking them outdoors.  Spending as much time as I can with them because when I start working I won’t be able to see them as much.
 

To the best I can to focus on my own life and what I can control. 
 

Thank you for being here. 

What was beautiful about my day my kids. My dog 

[BooksandTrees]

5 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Day 84  I have one job possibility. With a nonprofit. There are only 7 people who work there and the environment seems very laid back. 
 

Still waiting for word on the daycare. 
 

I have been attending the kids holiday performances. Taking them outdoors.  Spending as much time as I can with them because when I start working I won’t be able to see them as much.
 

To the best I can to focus on my own life and what I can control. 
 

Thank you for being here. 

What was beautiful about my day my kids. My dog 

Is the non profit going to be enough cash?

[Icandothis]

14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Is the non profit going to be enough cash?

Not to be able to live with my kids on my own.