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Kona450

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  1. Hey Suns, Great that you are journalling every day. Good details of how you are feeling and dealing with everything right now. The one thing I will say after reading through your journal is try to be more kind to yourself. We are all our worst critic and the words we use to describe ourselves can be quite depricating. Its hard to find something to do to replace video games but if we keep working at it, have confidence that it can eventually come to us. Good luck in starting a workout routine. One thing that has helped me tremendously is to start a morning wakeup routine - it has allowed me to be more consistent and do the things I need to do in the morning with more confidence and gratitude.
  2. Thank you for the comments Suns. Absolutely correct. I used gambling and playing video games to avoid doing the harder things in life. I used both to escape worry, trouble, boredom, sadness and many other emotions that I was not prepared to deal with. Instead of pushing those emotions away I need to express them to others either through forums like this or to my wife and family. This is very aggravating for me as well. I can totally relate. Many of my family members that I haven't spoken to in a while when I see them they ask so what are you doing now? I sometimes lie about it or just say work and there is nothing interesting to say to them. Now, I can talk about a few other things and am not afraid to delve into other things. I joined a toastmasters group which meets online and now I can bring this up as a topic of conversation and eventually I will find other things in my life that I have always wanted to do.
  3. I have tried many times to quit gaming and have started many different journals on this website. It has been the commitment that I have lacked to keep this going like many of you have. I quit again 6 days ago and have decided to try journaling here again as this community is very supportive and inspirational and the feedback that is given is usually very helpful for not only the OP but for all that read it. For me consistency is going to be the key so right now I am only going to commit to 1 post a week on this journal and take it from there. This latest chance of getting my life in order has come with a significant discovery that I have to accept that I can’t control this addiction. I have continued to try and quit so many times but each time previous I always told myself that I can try to play games in moderation once I had 3-4 months of quitting cold turkey. I let my brain trick me into playing again each time and I have learned from that. You see, I am also in recovery from a compulsive gambling problem which almost completely destroyed me, my family and all my relationships. My clean date for gambling is Dec 27, 2018 and I have done that 1 day at a time. I realize some in this community do not agree with 12 step programs which I have used for my gambling problem, others do agree and some are indifferent. It has worked for me and that is important to me and what works for one person does not work for everyone. There might be similar programs out there for addictive gaming but I have not found any real organized ones that suit me. Regardless it maybe doesn’t work for this addiction or there isn’t enough people out there to support it. I don’t know. One thing I will be doing here is using it sort of like a gratitude journal as well and commenting on my week that was. I am a married 49 year old man, father of 3 who has started to turn his life around for the better. I am grateful for each day that God gives us that I can wake up each morning another beautiful day to live for. One more day gambling free and one more day (now) free of gaming addiction. more to come next week. Thanks for taking the time to read.
  4. Is there any support group meetings on zoom or Skype available for us game quitters? I find it helpful for my other addiction but have not been able to find any such thing online. Anybody interested if I start one?
  5. DAY 4 So far this has just been a smattering of my thoughts with no real rhyme or reason to it. I want to finish the above story of my last relapse and how I allowed it to happen but I get easily distracted or I don't allow myself enough time to focus on what I am trying to do. Its the same here again tonight. I am journaling because I feel I need to do it but I don't feel like doing it right now and there is other stuff I need to do instead right now. Its Mother's Day tomorrow so I need to clean the house a little bit for the wife so she doesn't get really annoyed. I don't have to work tomorrow as it is Sunday so I will dedicate some time to make a proper schedule for myself to do all the things I need to get done. I might decide to write it all down here, I might not. We shall see. Have a great day all.
  6. This is the start of DAY 3: I am writing this in the morning now as I said before I find I have more inspiration and more thoughts to explore at this time of the day. A little bit of reflection as to why and how my last streak of quitting games ended and how I allowed this relapse to happen. With my problem gambling addiction I have access to free counselling which is paid for by the lottery corporation (essentially that $ we lose is going into a pool which allows this counselling sessions and other programs to take place) so in essence I pre-paid for this counselling. In dealing with my problem gambling we explore many facets of what led to my addiction and how I amc coping with life after gambling. Gamblers Anonymous also helps with many aspects of this as well. It helps us figure out what we are doing with our lives after our addictive behaviours. My counsellor and I have many discussiions of my hopes and dreams I have for a better future for myself and my relationships. Thus technology (gaming, youtube, netflix and TV) are all aspects that I have to cut down. Find something better to do with my time which will improve my life instead of being stagnant. Therefore back in January of 2020 I made a committment to quitting gaming again and was bound and determined to make it stick for good. The prospect scared me because I was so engrossed in the games I played, I also had invested a lot of money into some of these games in particular one is a card game which I had amassed a large collection of digital cards...... So I was writing the above this morning and got interupted and never posted or finished my thoughts. I can't finish now so I will leave it at that and finish it when I have some time. My apologies but now I need to go to sleep.
  7. This is DAY 2: I am going to have to find some time to do some journaling in the morning. I am tired at the end of the day and I find it difficult to concentrate on what I am doing especially after a very hectic and busy day at work. I work in the nursery/greenhouse industry and of course Sunday is Mother's Day. Boss is on my case about stuff and I have found myself a little aggravated lately. It isn't a very good combination. Good things today - short zoom meeting with some friends from GA. It was short but it worked. Took the dog and went for a short walk again today after work. I have been walking briskly for about 1/2 hour which is good enough for now. The dog can handle more and I could too so may increase it slowly. Can't think of any more to write so signing off now. Take care all.
  8. Thank you to those who have read and for the replies. BooksandTrees - thank you for the link to your journal. I have read some of it before as I have been browsing these forums for the past year and a half. I have posted a few times as well but it was very sporatic. I will definitely spend some time reading your journal tonight or in next few days. I have decided to try to do journaling in the evening. This morning I did some journaing because I woke up with this incredible insiration that I needed to write some stuff down. I actually have way more time in the evening. I will call this DAY 1. Some ways that I am keeping myself motivated in my recovery from both playing games and from gambling. These things work to an extent for me but I need to be more consistent with some of them and most of al I need to be kinder to myself. I have always been very hard on myself. Daily meditation - I have been able to do a guided meditation with the Headspace app on my phone. The run streak on this is just over 90 days now. This helps me stay focussed throughout the day and helps me to stay in the moment. Morning routine - get up in morning around same time each day, meditate, make my lunch, have breakfast, go to work. Daily exercise - this is one that isn't consistant enough. I do work long hours right now because we are busy with my line of work and it is not health care. every weekend I take my dog for a nice long walk usually around the block for about 45 minutes - 1 hour. I will attempt to do this more often going forward especially with the nicer weather now. We went for a walk tonight actually. 🙂 Listening to podcasts - heard all the game quitters podcasts and am currently listening to "All-in, the addicted gambler's podcast" which are currently posting some very interesting content. They hold virtual meetings similar to GA on a weekly basis. People share their compulsive gambling stories which serve as inspiration. Enough journaling - going to go do some reading of other journals.
  9. Welcome to these forums. I have been back and forth quitting gaming for a stretch then playing games again for a longer stretch. It is my experience that it will work if you put in an effort. Really keep yourself motivated in any way you can. Take care.
  10. Hello again everyone. I hope all is going well for everyone on these forums. I have started journalling several times on these forums but it hasn't stuck but I am trying again. This time I started a new journal so its fresher for me. I decided to try and quit gaming back in January 2019 and have been back and forth several times over the last year and a half approximately. Id quit for a month and then back to gaming for another 6 months, quit for 2 months, etc, etc. Its definitely been difficult for me. I am going to start this journal with some thoughts I've had recently as to why I should / want to quit for good. My last streak of quitting games was approximately 4 months. In that 4 months I was seeing an improvement in my life. Better sleep, better work habits at home and on the job. Better relationship with my family, More motivation in all aspects of my life. These things are what I want out of life. My latest relaspe has only been about 3 weeks and I started to play games on my phone with the intention of playing in moderation. Only 1-2 hours per day and only after accomplishing something more meaningful. That went away very quickly. Before long I was on playing when I should have been in bed sleeping or even playing during my regular working hours. Moderation does not work for me at least at this stage of my recovery. I am a grateful recovering compulsive gambler as well. It has been 16 months since my last bet at this point (a little more actually but I like to keep my count to the latest month). I am doing well in that recovery - doing the things I need to do to keep moving forward in my life. |My gambling addiction was a result of my gaming addiction. I became bored of the video games and sought more excitement and turned to gambling. That got out of hand, I lost a lot of money, my relationships struggled, and I lost one of my jobs as a result and was in jeopardy of losing my next job. I don't want this to happen again. For me playing video games can quickly lead to online gambling which is a very bad road to go down. I want more from life: there is so much to explore in life and I have missed out of a lot of opportunities that may have led to being more successful in my career, better relationships with my family, wife and children. The rewards in life are plenty but I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of it. I am 48 this year and I feel its not too late to do the things I have always dreamed about. I want to help other people who struggle from addictions in some capacity. How can I do this without being my best self first? I have to continue to improve myself so I am in the best shape to help others. So I need to focus on my needs and naturally the needs of others will be fulfilled. Enough journalling for today. Stay safe everyone.
  11. I’m back and this time with a vengeance. I am doing this today because I feel good about this again. I have stopped and started and stopped with video games So many times now it’s incredible. Anyway I have found that writing on these forums does not help me that much so I won’t be writing daily journals on here. I have found pen to paper to be much more powerful for me. I will just pop in from time to time and do some reading and make a few comments as it’s the stories of success that I crave the most. I am just past 1 year of being gambling free and this is what has prompted me today to be here. I am also 14 days free from playing video games and it feels great. I have deleted my games and have signed up for the Respawn program. I am working on the Respawn program slowly and am on Module 5 to those who know what that is. I am in the process of developing a schedule for myself and have chosen some new things that I am going to try and it’s exciting for me. I tend to write long paragraphs that probably don’t make a lot of sense so sorry about that. Regardless just wanted to update those who are interested. See you next time
  12. First thanks @ismailkanaan for your encouragement and advice. The last 24 hours have been good. Full day of work and then was not able to attend my 12 step meeting which is always Monday nights. I had to pickup my daughter from dance lessons which is exactly same time as the meetings. I am not upset about it because at least my daughter is still part of my life. It’s not every week I have to pick her up so next week should be good to go back to meeting. After we got home, I sat and relaxed while having dinner, which my wife lovingly prepared before going off to her function. After dinner, I decided to do a little housework (kitchen cleanup and laundry). Felt good to do something other than load around. I continue to listen to podcasts and I was listening again to game quitters podcast and some suggestions there moved me. I will put into practice those suggestions starting today after work. Things like writing an agenda for the next day and outlining your larger goals with series of smaller more achievable goals that will aid you in achieving those life goals. I also vow to do a little bit of housework daily. Thanks everyone for being here. Have a great 2-4!
  13. Just to let you know. You are not alone in this battle. Many of us out there even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. Again I can reiterate therapy has been really important in my recovery as well. I do one on one counselling as well as group therapy and both really help.
  14. Ok. Back to day 0. I went back and did like 1 hour of my favourite game last night. There was nothing to do yesterday because my wife and I decided to stay home and clean the house a bit. We had movies on the tv throughout the day and we would sit down and watch for a little bit. Then go back to housework or organizing. I found myself not helping a lot and I think my wife was frustrated but didn’t say anything. When the day was done and we were unwinding I just went and said screw it and I turned on the computer and just delved into it for about an hour. I feel dumb about it now of course. When I woke up this morning I even felt worse and turned back to some self motivating podcasts. I feel better now and will try again. Here is what I learned from this recent experience: When I feel the urge to discuss these important things and ideas with my wife then I should just do it. Saturday night I went through the night thinking about talking to her about my fears/ doubts/ my progress, etc. Sunday morning came around and I chickened out and it was weighing on my mind all day. I couldn’t approach the subject readily as my 13 yo daughter was home and I don’t want to discuss these situations around her at this point. I also feel bad about not even attempting to do some of the things I have said I want to do (swimming, daily/weekly exercising) Anyway it feels good to journal this if only that and get some of my thought process down so I can at least learn from it. Enough for now. Everyone have a great 2-4.
  15. @James Good Thanks for the answer. I will most definitely check those out. Great job on the podcasts.