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gargamel

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About gargamel

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  1. I'm so glad to see you posting here. I also had a hiatus from the forum. It's wonderful to hear the good news regarding your health. 🙂 It will grow! I'm also growing my hair slowly, hadn't had a haircut in... 4 months? 🙂 It's still pretty short tho, haha
  2. @Lampshade yes. Exactly. I'm not surprised you relate. I feel a lot of us here have experienced this unhealthy loop. That being said. It's been over 7 months since I played any video game. I'm really proud of that. Right now I'm crawling out of the last unhealthy cycle. I've been proactive, I've reconnected (to a point) with my social circle(s), and got back to reading and writing. In the last few days my life frustrations resurfaced in full. I remembered all the subtle and not so subtle ways in which I suffered throughout my life. A lot of injustice and primarily - lack of understan
  3. I have such a predictable pattern of behaviour when I start going downhill. If I had a girlfriend I would confide in her and ask her to intervene whenever she sees that I might be going in that direction. I will not ask my friends for help here because I am ashamed and I think I would ask too much. I cannot ask my family because they know about my patterns but they never intervened besides expressing worry, which never helped. All of them have their own things to worry about. It's a behavioral pattern I got into pretty early in life, maybe as young as 6-7 y.o. It's triggered by a simple t
  4. Entry 21 Another mostly wasted day, but I'm here so that's something. Mentally I'm 70% as bad as I was in the first few months of 2020 (when I was playing WoW). Anxiety is pretty strong. It makes me want to divert attention to interesting things and run away from my recent shortcomings and obligations. Yesteday I didn't watch any gaming content, and I didn't watch porn. So that's a positive step forwards. But I postponed meditation until I decided I'm too tired to even do it and I also wasted most of my day on youtube. Washing dishes and helping with dinner was the only positive thi
  5. Hey guys. In the past month I slowly got back to my bad habits (haven't gamed myself, but I was on twitch and watched my brother play dota). I haven't meditated in a while, I stopped planning out my days, I started ignoring some obligations and people, got into a rut. I'm here today because I recognize I need to revert this, and I miss everything I had going on in my life while I was here. Even though I haven't played video games, this might as well count as a complete relapse in my book because I watched gaming almost daily for the past 2 weeks and I relapsed on porn. Nothing speci
  6. @TheNewMe2.0 Yeah, I mentioned her too much I feel. But yeah, she is important to me, so it is what it is. Yeah, I hope I'll marry a good woman I love one day, whom ever she is. I am a child of a failed marriage so I deeply hope I can make smarter choices and try harder and have a happy family if I end up marrying. As for my job, I figured I probably should look elsewhere because almost no coffee shop or pub is looking for new employees bcuz of COVID. @Ikar Being there for a person, and seeing that she not only deeply loves me but also that her happiness depends on me made me cognizant of res
  7. @Ikar Even though it would be false to say that previous relationships do not influence the way we perceive relationships, or what we (initially) seek in a person, I don't see any reason to emphasize this to a point of calling yourself a "conglomerate of influences". It is often the case that influences lose their grip on us after we get away from them for a while. I feel I matured in my relationships, but I don't personally feel like I changed in my core. @TheNewMe2.0 Thank you. I managed to forgive some difficult things in the past, so I should be able to get over this as well. It's oft
  8. Hi Gabriel. You are in a right place. I highly recommend you start writing a journal here. Positive reinforcement from a crowd that shares your journey is so helpful. Good luck!
  9. I haven't played one since I stopped gaming (except couple games of chess), but I think tabletops are fine. Unless you start wasting all your days at the tabletop clubs, I think you are fine. Problem with games (as I see it) is that they can be enjoyed without company, without interaction in person, in any time of day. But, if you end up thinking coplusively about tabletops, I would recommend you never play them.
  10. Wouldn't recommend it at all. Long term goal of a former gaming addict should be to find new hobbies and ways of spending his leisure time. It's 21st century, you have so many options. Instinct to watch gaming is just your addiction speaking, trying to subvert rationality.
  11. Entry 18: Got out of bed: 08:00 had my morning coffee, listened to music had a short meditation watched multiple tutorials on how to utilize Excel made american pancakes (had them with maple syrup for the first time, pretty tasty) went to my moms place to print some papers I need to send by mail (uni related) vacuumed my room and cleaned it a bit watched anime with my brother and younger sister went to the gym (it's good to be back doing heavy lifting. Steve went with me) googled the shops that have (sort of rare) ingredients I want t
  12. @TheNewMe2.0 Yes. It feels as if a curse was broken hah. Also, things are complicated with Veronika, mixture of so many emotions... but I thought about it and I see similarities between my problems with her and my former problems with my dad. We have an underlying grudge, suppressed anger towards each other. I need to get over those feelings. Details aside, she completely ghosted me 2 years ago while we had a fresh romantic relationship going on. (yes, without explanation at that time)* 3 months after, she explained herself and again expressed feelings towards me and a want to date me, bu
  13. I see it now in the right corner! Thank you for your reply and help.
  14. Don't expect a sudden transformation. You cannot get over bad habits over night. It takes months. But I seriously advise you stop watching gaming content, because you'll start gaming again soon without question if you don't do so. Better stare at the wall.
  15. @TheNewMe2.0 I'm excited about things that are ahead of me in the next 3 months. I was concerned with passing long-overdue exams, and making long-overdue life adjustments, so now I'll finally be able to work on some "new goals". So it's a private hype. On a world scale there doesn't seem much to be hyped about. But nevertheless I try to look at the positives. Entry 16: appropriately unstructured This 2 days blend into one, because yesterday in the evening I went to a house party (squad of my female friends) and 4 of us (a friend and her BF, Veronika and I) stayed until 5 in the morning