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Question of the week: What's your favourite quote?

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Loving oneself is a hard, hard thing to do. What do you consider to be acts of love you show towards others? Can you do any of those for yourself? Just writing on this forum can be an act of love towards yourself.

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4 hours ago, Vera said:

But to love myself? It is a really hard thing to do. I guess I never loved myself as much as I loved other people. But it is never too late to try and be a slightly better human being

Well if you love other people, there are surely people loving you, and wouldn't they be sad knowing you don't take care enough for yourself ? You could also help a lot more those you love because you took care of yourself properly.

If you have children (and unless you consecrate yourself to God, I hope you will), you will have to take care of yourself, because if you don't, it's your children who will suffer from having a mom not ready to take care of them.

So it's not only about loving yourself, it's also about loving others too. Love is truly fantastic don't you think ?

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5 hours ago, Vera said:

I procrastinate a lot. I'm almost constantly on my phone. I turned grayscale off and it was a very, very bad thing to do. It sent me down a bottomless rabbit hole of youtube. I don't watch cute cats videos (I am not a huge fan of cats), but there  is enough content to keep me on for hours. And it is a lot of pressure on my eyes. 
I heard that you should treat yourself like a person you love. I guess this advice can be useful and should be my main task. The funny thing is I know how beneficial it would be, but I know how hard it can be. It is always easy to say inspiring things to someone, to give good advice, to be smart and kind and ready to listen and actually mind what they are and what they want. But to love myself? It is a really hard thing to do. I guess I never loved myself as much as I loved other people. But it is never too late to try and be a slightly better human being

I've dealt with this often and wrote about it a while back in my diary.  Have you considered writing your goals list?  If you have one, is it overwhelming?  There are so many ways to make your goals more palatable and easier to attain.  If you'd like to talk about this I'd be happy to help.

Loving yourself is hard to do.  I don't believe in the phrase love yourself as much as others, because when we're depressed it can be hard to love others.  My approach with this is just cutting out bull shit that aggravates you, stresses you out, or angers you, etc.  If something is bothering you in real life, figure out what it is, and learn how to make it less impactful to your life.  If you find yourself being difficult on yourself for not achieving goals, then you just have to make your system more efficient for yourself.  It's just sort of cleaning up your act and forgiving yourself.  Forgive yourself for not achieving your goals because you might not know how to accomplish your goals yet.  That takes time.  I'm not saying you don't know what you're doing when I suggest this.  I am just saying that not many people know what their true goals are, how to get them, which ones to get first, and more.

I don't believe in the loving yourself like others.  I am not self absorbed and hate to just think of how wonderful I am because my father used to do it and it pisses me off.  I see so many selfish people doing that and it sets me off.  What I do is I don't beat myself up anymore for messing up on things, support myself by eating better, exercising, sleeping properly, and then being social with friends, balancing my life out, and making sure I provide myself time and balance to later achieve my goals.

I'm rambling, but you get the point.  Don't concentrate on loving yourself like others.  Just concentrate on making simple decisions which will improve your life.  Those simple decisions lead to big changes which will improve your life.  If you improve your life it means you love yourself and are making life better for yourself.

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I am stuck at work. It's already late and I am tired. Won't have time to do much in the evening, but I will go to sleep earlier. I have bright dreams now, mostly about zombies, no idea why my brain likes this idea so much. 
Got a hint I can get a higher position at my work. It is still a hint, but I like the idea. 
I measured myself and I have a clearer goal now. I want to lose some weight, but I don't have scales (they broke lol) and I got used to using the mirror as a way to determine my progress. Can't say I am excited to tweak my diet, but all the work I do at the gym will be useless without it. I have no choice. I can think about it as practicing voluntarily discomfort. 
Started to listen to 12 rules of life by Peterson. I can relate to many things he says, especially about why doing things that are good for you is hard. I am curious about similarities with Stoicism, but he relies mainly on Bible, so I have to listen carefully and think about if and how ideas are connected. It is a nice mental exercise!

 

@BooksandTrees I know I won't be able to love myself like others pretty much because I know myself too well. Everything that is dark and evil in me that other people won't see, it's here before my eyes. So I agree with you, even if improving your life is not the most exciting thing, you still have to do that day in and day out.

@Mouxine I can say the same about my own family. I tell them to take good care of themselves and no one listens!

@Brian What do you consider to be acts of love you show towards others? I listen to people, cheer them up, try to make them smile, tell them that good times will come, etc etc. I am ready to sacrifice a lot for ones I love. I try to understand their situation as much as I can and then offer my help to improve it. Actually, yes, I can do a lot of it towards myself. Thank you!

Edited by Vera
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Week was busy! 

I didn't go to the gym as planned, every other day, I did my best to stay on track. I believe that cardio is better than nothing, so I went to the gym yesterday and did my usual 40 min of cardio. I couldn't fall asleep until midnight, but I was good today.

I noticed that I have a better posture now and it is easier. I don't have to force myself to stand straight, I don't have to fight with my own tight muscles, the only problem is that I got used to hunching and this habit needs to be replaced. 

I found an interesting coding project and I plan to start working on it tomorrow. I have a lot of free time on the weekend and I am dying to do something meaningful. I feel bad about myself if I waste a weekend away and I am so tired of it. I just want to be better. 

I found an interesting concept in Peterson's book. He says you need to negotiate with yourself and keep your word. So if you clean up a table or water flowers, you can drink a cup of coffee. And you must reward yourself immediately after you finish the task, no matter how small it is. Being honest with yourself is important. 

I also started keeping track of food I eat. It's a new experience for me. I don't try to count calories, I want to determine how my diet is affecting me and if I need to cut out any more products. 

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Good luck on your coding project! You can make it!

29 minutes ago, Vera said:

I also started keeping track of food I eat

I've tried this when I decided to stick to a diet and that worked. It's a nice way of raising your awareness about food you eat. It actually helps to abstain from getting snacks when you're not hungry

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The first part of the weekend was very good. I did many things I wanted to do, started to do some coding again, went to the gym, did a usual water change and fed fish. I even had the time to stretch on my bed in the middle of the day and write a long entry into my journal. The weather is bad and I'll stay home tomorrow. I have some things planned for tomorrow as well,  I think I need to write my tasks somewhere.

@Catherine17 thank you! Yes, I find it easier to not eat when I am not hungry now. I found that I have no problems being hungry for some time if I don't have any snacks/food at hand, but I tend to eat everything I see. Drinking water helps to some extent, but my older colleague keeps leaving the snacks (mostly cookies or candy) on my desk if she doesn't want to eat them.  I think she has an actual eating disorder because she's obese and can't stick to a healthy diet.

Edited by Vera
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6 pm. I did some of the things I've planned, but not all of them yet, I still have some time though. I've been cautious while shopping today and avoided some unnecessary purchases.  But I love good stationery, I bought 1000 paper clips that look like bronze for less than 1$. I'd say my city is a stationery desert - you can't get truly interesting stuff. Of course, they sell Moleskines and Parkers, but that's way too overpriced for me.

I managed to damage my left index fingernail while eating dried fish. Yeah, I'm a genius. 

 

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Good and bad news came today. I don't really have anything to say about bad news, it's a personal matter, but I'm brave enough to meet them without fear. 

People I know make me happy by achieving their goals. Isn't that good to be genuinely happy for someone else's win? Games built on competition teach us to hate it when others are better, but it has nothing to do with how real life works. You have to share and be ready to help and play together (reasonably)  to be welcomed pretty much anywhere. If you notice you are developing hatred for ones who have something in game you doesn't have without any other reason, you're breeding toxicity in yourself and others. Leave games so a piece of code won't change you into someone you don't want to be. 

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My coding project is such entertainment for me. I can work on it for hours, read everything I can find to solve my problem, try and retry. I'm happy when I finally do what I've planned for today. Even if the question is small, it is very rewarding to find the answer.

I found myself still hanging out on youtube while I eat. I have to think about how to change this habit. I want to use earphones because I hate TV (my mom watches unbearably cringy shows), but I tend to choose cringy stuff on yt and it wastes my time.

I seem to stick to my skin care routine. I scheduled the procedures I want to do during the week and I just do them when the time comes. I first thought that I would use a bullet journal, but the todo app is more convenient.

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Don't have a lot of time to write long posts. I'm sticking to the gym, watching what I eat and I am proud of myself after every workout I complete. I stick to the gym no matter what and it is such a good thing. I see results, I push myself in a safe environment, I test my limits and get to know what I am capable of. I've just scratched the surface of myself, I have so much more to discover. It is fascinating. 

Thoughts about gaming don't appear in my head often. I am so busy with my goals I have no desire to waste my time on games. I realised how pointless it is to play your life away, I don't like the direction in which  the industry seems to evolve, so I just don't want to download and install anything. I know I can do that, but I also know that I'll be bored to death and full of regret after 5 minutes.  

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I've helped my sister after work, it required some going back and forth. I was in a good mood when I finished work, but after I did what she asked from me, I felt much worse. I saw that someone mentioned "small mental breakdown" at Discord, I guess I can follow my own advice and go to sleep asap to get over it. 
I think I've pushed myself too far at the gym yesterday. I was told to replace the exercise that was painful to do with another one, and I did 6 sets. It was too much of a good thing, my knees didn't like it and I have some trouble moving around, especially when I'm walking  downstairs. It will take some time to recover. 
I won't go to the gym tomorrow. My close relative died yesterday and I will attend a funeral. I took half a day off from work to do that, but that's another story. 

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7 hours ago, Catherine17 said:

I am so sorry about your relative, accept my sincere condolences. Take care of yourself and take all the time you need to recover.

Thank you! 

I'm not sad though. I think she's free now and I should be happy for her. She has been ill for a couple of years and it made her tired and unwilling to live.

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Friday was short and I guess pretty normal. I didn't go to the graveyard, just attended the dinner with family. Went home and tried to sleep after that, but I can't sleep when it is not dark outside, so I got up again and wrote a long entry in my diary. I really love my new fountain pen. It's a pleasure to write with. 

I've been looking at various planners on the internet for some time. No luck. I will try to decorate my current binder which I use as a diary, there are so many options to avoid buying a new one. I want to change the look of the cover and I can make it as pretty as I want to. Simple! And I'll avoid constant flashbacks when I look at the old binder I used as a diary before. I don't want to remember all that happened, good or bad. 

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I'm sorry for the loss of your loved one.  I am glad you're taking the time to be with your family, continuing to help others, and yourself.  It's hard to do all of these things when you're struggling.  The calorie counting software helped me learn good foods and bad ones, but I have a tough time sticking to it since most foods at restaurants or a complex meal you make in your free time is hard to add to the calorie counter.  Like if I make chicken, rice, and a vegetable that is easy.  If I make a stuffed chicken with a sauce and other stuff it becomes tricky.  Like, how many onions from the sauce did I eat lol.  But I overthink everything so this is probably what's happening. Anyways, I hope you are feeling better and find a good planner to motivate you to achieve those plans.

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I ended up not liking any planner I managed to find. I searched well though. Guess I'll have more ideas about that in the future. 

Just scheduled my facebook account for deletion. I felt the old pain waking up in me when I saw his face, do I have some kind of PTSD? I was tempted to talk to him, to just write a couple lines and satisfy my longing, but it will never be as it was. Talking to him will return me to day one, to all the pain and self-hatred and confusion and stress and false hopes. I've suffered too badly to allow that. 

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I watched series in the evening after I came home. I am knitting and listening to Russian translation. Had to sacrifice the original sound to be able to multitask.

5 out of 10 danios are dead now. I see two more aren't very healthy as well. It's really sad to lose them, but I can't do much. They keep getting sick where Endlers thrive. I just concentrated on the plants and left the fish alone. 

 

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Last two days were strange. I had a strange kind of food poisoning and was nauseous for two days. It made me a bit irritable, I don't do well when I am sick. 

This evening was better. I almost recovered and had a good time: listened to music, wrote a long entry into the diary, knitted some more and ordered a bunch of stuff from Aliexpress. I don't feel guilty for being not very productive. I used to beat myself up for not using my time properly, I fell prey to the common misconception like you should go from gaming all the time to being insanely productive all the time. I found that a good old laziness recharges me very well when I do want to postpone everything and just do my day-to-day stuff without being in a hurry because I planned so much and did so little. It allows me to peek out of my shell and be curious for a while. 

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44 minutes ago, Vera said:

Last two days were strange. I had a strange kind of food poisoning and was nauseous for two days. It made me a bit irritable, I don't do well when I am sick. 

This evening was better. I almost recovered and had a good time: listened to music, wrote a long entry into the diary, knitted some more and ordered a bunch of stuff from Aliexpress. I don't feel guilty for being not very productive. I used to beat myself up for not using my time properly, I fell prey to the common misconception like you should go from gaming all the time to being insanely productive all the time. I found that a good old laziness recharges me very well when I do want to postpone everything and just do my day-to-day stuff without being in a hurry because I planned so much and did so little. It allows me to peek out of my shell and be curious for a while. 

That's something I wish I could do. I think constantly expecting to be productive causes so much stress and turmoil. Being mindful and present can allow you the mental freedom of choice in the future. I sound like a hypocrite saying that since I can't seem to do it recently. I'm glad you are feeling better. 

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@BooksandTrees taking breaks is helping your productivity, not going against it. Have you tried Pomodoro technique? It might be useful to structure your time more if you need to do some work at home, takes off some part of planning off your shoulders AND gives you breaks at the same time. 

 

 

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I'm feeling worse tonight. Not physically (my knees are almost fully healed by now), but mentally. It's hard to concentrate, I am bored and my attention is all over the place. I managed to start a course on English grammar, but got distracted quickly and finished just one assignment. Better than none. I also knitted for a while and fed my fish. I feed them very carefully and make sure that there's no overfeeding. 

I feel lonely. I usually feel this way if I hang out on social media more than needed. No one sends anything to me and I'm disappointed because I still want to talk, but I end up writing into my diary and cheering myself up because I did well tonight. 

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It's been a long time since I wrote something. My life took several rather strange turns but I enjoy it. I'm still learning how to negotiate with myself, and I made quite a long list of things I would like to change. I am aware of how fine the line between trying as hard as you can and burnout is, so it's all about balance. 

I stumble upon gaming related videos on youtube and I don't hesitate to click 'not interested' button anymore. Not playing games is a part of me now, I no longer ask questions or search for a reason to stay away from gaming. I have important stuff to do. That's cool to know I've passed the point of no return. I also don't dwell on my breakup at all. I'm doing really well considering how hard it was to survive the first two weeks. It makes me happy. :)

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Everything is fine. 

I went back to the gym tonight and did some easy cardio to determine if my knees are holding up. It turns out they are, but I have to wait until tomorrow to know for sure. It is making me a bit anxious.

I have lots of tiny fry to feed now. I am actually happy because my aquarium looks so full now and I enjoy watching little ones searching for food. It's so cute!

I haven't found the right note taking system which will allow me to keep track of what I eat. It's a hard task to find something that suits me. So I'm still searching. 

 

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