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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?


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About Mouxine

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  1. Mouxine

    Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

    Don't stay unoccupied too long, the devils love to fill voids with temptation. Don't hesitate to "waste time" walking if you don't have the energy to do something useful, it helps a lot. Anyway good job being free for so long !
  2. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 57 (1er april) to 71 (15 april) I spent a lot less time in front of a screen these days. This is great ! My eyes hurt less, I'm much less angry, I enjoy life a lot more and I'm closer to God. I wrote 4 chapters of my book and I feel good about writing. To sumarize, everything went better since : 1 - I stopped playing video games - day 1 2 - I scheduled a daily time to pray (10 min in the morning with the daily mass texts and 10 minutes in the evening with 2 decades of the rosary.) - first week 3 - I started working on all my bad habits at the same time (eating too much, too much time leisure, etc...) - around day 30 Thanks to God for his help, I wouldn't have done it otherwise.
  3. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    day 53 (28 march) to 56 (31 march) I started writing a story. I use paper instead of my laptop, it's much more comfortable. I read the beginning to my wife, now she craves for more ! I don't intend to give much details, but it's about an addicted gamer living into games and realizing many of them are just awful. I got my inspiration from someone saying : "you're playing war while there are many people dieing from war in Syria, do you think it's okay ?" and I think it's not... I don't want my book being wise but hard to read, I want it wise and fun. I got angry many times, but I'm controlling a bit more my body while I'm angry. I didn't break anything this time, but I still have a long way to go to have controlled anger. I saw my elder sister yesterday and I decided to phone her more regularly. She has some bad influence in her life and I want to help her get rid of that.
  4. 1 - Go to heaven 2 - Help others to get there too 3 - Do nothing aside God's will On a more selfish level : 1 - write books 2 - practice Dark Ages fencing (too bad there is no club next to my house) 3 - Learn how to survive with as least as possible
  5. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    I think it's something positive. It helps not giving up, but you just have to stay patient. If you get better and closer to your goals, one day you will realize them. Day 42 (18 march) to 52 (27 mars) As we say in French (I don't know if we do in English), I had my spirit in my socks these days. I'm a bit exhausted, I don't sleep enough, despite my sleeping routine being healthier and waking up is harder and harder. One night, i woke up to calm my boy, but I was so tired I screamed like a maniac in front of him. He was scared then I hugged him and he calmed down and slept 10 min later. I felt terrible after that and I'm still amazed how little children can forgive so easely their parents, being so weak and needy of their parents makes them so gentle. Of course I dont intend to abuse of this ! I dislocated the little boy's arm while carrying him on my back, just after going out of mass. I hurried up to the hospital but he put back his arm alone before I could see a doctor. I still didn't write a single page but I have some ideas. One involves a tale on video games with spiritual and philosophical consideration, according to my wife I should start by this. After I discussed with her about some details, the idea is now getting more and more precise. I'm motivated to start writing and I grasp a bit better how I want to get things done ! Thanks to God helping me there ! When my mood is down, I don't have cravings but a little voice goes in my head saying "why wouldn't you play video games now, your life seems so sad now". Actually It's easier to resist urges to play than this sad mood. A craving for video games is somethink violent, so it's easy to be on my guard, but when it's silent and sneaky like this little voice, I can fall for it without noticing. I did much gardening also, it feels good but I really lack knowledge about nature. It's my first year taking care of a garden !
  6. Rest a bit, entertain children, have a meeting to create a reading group of Maria Valtorta, having my stepfather a home on Sunday and going to the mass.
  7. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    @BooksandTrees I watched the beginning of the rising of the shield hero on Crunchyroll. I like medival fantasy and it had good reviews and it was looking like something a bit different than usual layout. Searching a bit more about it, it turns out in a cliche way, pragmatic antihero. It's just boring and I hate everything that makes one revel in mediocrity. My friend is a liar because she worries to much about her reputation, so she just disguise some facts so that people pity her. It turns out that many people are learning she's a liar so she'll end up alone if she doesn't change. @James Good Thanks for the feedback. It helps keeping posting. It's true that I improved a lot in 30 days, but that's also because I worsened a lot when I relapsed, and the longer the relapse, the uglier the worsening... So I'm truly humiliated because I'm reponsible for having improved a lot less than I wished. I don't think I'm strong, (edit) I'm convincing myself to think I'm stubborn and weak because that's what I truly am despite my fiery nature (/edit). I just want to improve a lot and I'm obstinating myself in this path. It's been 12 years since I'm working with obstination on myself. Twelve years of struggle against myself and I'm still so encline to fall for obvious traps, uncontrolled anger and procrastination. Most of my last improvements are because of my family. I started to work on my anger and my laziness because with 3 little children, you can't sit down and do what you wish. My wife is also correcting me and it helped me a lot. Gaming detox is really something I should have done earlier and better. --- Thanks to you two anyway, it's helpful feeling supported.
  8. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 33 to 41 (41 is the 17 march) The mood was tense at home during these days. The little one is making 2 teeth simultaneously, this explains why he sleeps so bad and why we are on your nerves not sleeping well. I lost motivation doing my daily journal, it's always late when I can take decent time to do it (10 P.M). I will try to update it once a week. Notable facts during 8 days : - I discovered a friend of mine is a liar. - A friend tried to motivate me to write articles or books. I would like to but I lack self confidence most of the time. - I want to spend less and less time online. Time flees when I'm in front of a screen and my eyes hurts. - I bought a new phone : big screen but weak power so I can't do much things on it. Great it's just what I needed and it was the cheapest 75€. - I watched an anime. The beginning was fun and it became boring... It's always the case. - I noticed that I was improving only when I was struggling with all my flaws at the same time. I should remember this ! - I read the chapters on chastity in the introduction of the devout life by St Francis of Sales. I got a big but a gentle slap in the face : I'm only at the first degree and there's two more to achieve. That was one of the most slowing down error I made thinking I had to improve somewhere else.
  9. Mouxine

    Dear Diary...

    @Vera What if you are wise enough to know what's good for you and others but you don't have enough courage and moderation to accomplish it ? That hurts a lot more than if you weren't wise... In that case, being wise is a curse. But you are mostly right because when one becomes more virtuous, he also often become wiser, and a wise man often knows that he has to work on himself to become better. @BooksandTrees I'm glad my words can help, I'm really not confident when I'm writing advices !
  10. Mouxine

    Dear Diary...

    For life satisfaction or happiness, you have to progress in virtue while having enough to live. The wise Aristoteles explains it very well in his book 1 of Ethics to Nicomachus. He puts aside wealth, honor, power, wisdom because you can be unhappy with it, while virtuous people are happy or at least serene if things go wrong. It's true also for christians, God doesn't give his graces to the vicious ones. For relationship growth and confidence, I'm not the good one to talk as I'm far from good in this domain. For porn, passing from approx 2 times a day to 1 time a week is already encouraging ! Good job improving like this in two months. After a week without porn or masturbating, it's harder to resist because you produced enough semen, so you have to boost up your motivation to be successful resisting. When I stopped masturbating at 15, I was waking up every night with horrible cravings during almost an hour. It was this way 3 months, if I hadn't being 100% sure I wanted to quit, I would have relapsed. Serving God and masturbating are not compatible so I had a huge motivation there. It's the same for you, you have to find your main reasons to stop porn, and you have to stay focused on them. And by the way, something helpful : put aside anything concerning sex (thoughts, looks at ladies...). You can't stop porn if you look at or think about the ladies with desire, you have to focus on their inner qualities and to look for spiritual love first. It sounds decouraging maybe, but that will boost at lot life satisfaction once you made good habits, and it will be easier by a lot. It's the same for me as a married man, my couple is much more fulfiing if I resist all sexual desire of my wife outside of intimacy time and if I flow with them only when it's time for intimacy.
  11. Mouxine

    Moving on

    Well if you love other people, there are surely people loving you, and wouldn't they be sad knowing you don't take care enough for yourself ? You could also help a lot more those you love because you took care of yourself properly. If you have children (and unless you consecrate yourself to God, I hope you will), you will have to take care of yourself, because if you don't, it's your children who will suffer from having a mom not ready to take care of them. So it's not only about loving yourself, it's also about loving others too. Love is truly fantastic don't you think ?
  12. Mouxine

    Forging a New Path

    You can also use sickness to get closer to God by offering him your pain, just like Jesus offered his pain to his Father. You can improve much faster when you are sick.
  13. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Well, there are a few rules to observe during daytime to have a quiet night. Scream as least as possible, punish them lightly and calmly, play with them, do not show them ugly or scary things, avoid any injuries, do not change daily routine or see too much people... Otherwise, to keep the oldest in bed, a book or my presence is enough with a dim light. Day 27 I forgot my keys to clean up our former appartement, so I lost 2 hours in my week in a stupid way. We planted a cherry tree in the garden. It was nice dirtying my hands like this. Day 28 My wife had an essay for her potential work. I had the bad idea to go and pick her up with the children, they were exhausting and it ended up with screaming. My fault, I should have a bit more foresight. Day 29 Ash Wednesday. A day of privation ! Only 1 meal allowed (and a little snack in the morning and the evening). It was bearable until 21P.M, I went to sleep early to put an end to it. Otherwise, my mom came home and did a Sauerkrout for the children... It was not easy to resist that good smell. I also had a video game craving during that day. I fixed our swing in the garden, now the kids can play with it. Day 30 I woke up a 2 A.M because of the little boy. We were hungry with my wife so we started to eat the leftovers of my mom's Sauerkrout. The boy started smiling and ate with us... He went to sleep silently after that. In the morning I went to clean up our former appartement for sale, and I took the keys that time ! The rest of the day was to rest of so much changes to our routine. Day 31 A full day of work for my wife. It was sweet at home, I managed everything, I did enough chores and took time to make class to the oldest. At diner time, my wife came back and was exhausted, so I did everything almost alone, and I was calm. I love routine ! Day 32 A busy day, I had to go to the supermarket with our friend who has a cancer, open and close my father's office for the electrician, go to the park to entertain the children and finish my weekly rosary. About video games : they are not appealing anymore. I wouldn't even know what to play. I take more time to read stories for the children and myself, and that feels great. About social hobbies : I'm really not interested in them yet. I feel I have to many social interactions during the week so I would rather stay alone and enhance my weekly routine. About sport : I made a little during the week, it made me feel good for a few minutes, then after it was terrible trying to manage the kids while being tired... It really doesn't suits me for the moment, I already am aching from the back and the arms because I carry the most little one very often... It's normal at 18 month, they all want to be carried for a long time.
  14. Mouxine

    Dear Diary...

    Bad parents are the worse... They give you a tons of trash to clean up when you grow older. Great for the victory over your crush. Love is mutual give, not I take what I want, is it attention or sex, then I'm happy.
  15. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    I don't take time to write my journal, I'll try to update it tomorrow or monday. For the crying children, well it's natural... Most children don't sleep without waking up sometimes before 6 years. Sometimes they are hungry, then they are scared, then some make nightmare, sometimes they are sick, sometimes they need to pee and or afraid of the dark... With 3 children under 6, it's like the casino : you can win or lose, but you will likely lose ! But you are right, coming in the room screaming is a bad thing to do... I know it, but it's super hard to be gentle when you are awaken almost every night for 4 years in a row... I get more and more patient, but it's far from what I want to be. It's 1 A.M and it's already 3 times they have awaken... Good for my wife, I'm not in bed yet ! Time to switch off !