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Mouxine

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About Mouxine

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  1. Mouxine

    I'm glad

    Welcome here ! Your journal will help a lot : it will help you face your real life problems instead of escaping them via video games. I wish you courage on your journey to more freedom !
  2. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 13 Daily routine until midday when we had lunch with a woman whom we're charge by our priest to teach her christian doctrine. She stayed with us until 5 P.M. I had much self control today, except between 6P.M. and 7P.M when I was scotched on my Kindle reading Lone Wolf while my wife was struggling with the children and responding to her mail. At least I didn't explose like I was doing before when I was on a video game. I'm wondering if my anger-explosion wasn't also due to a high level dopamine being lowered instantly by having to act quickly when a child does something foolish. If that's the case, and I think it is, then I have a true reason to hate video games, just like I hate drugs or anything that weakens our self control by nature, not only because of lack of good will.
  3. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    @Vera I'm kindly surprised ! I was actually thinking that my story was boring because I have a lot of daily routine and I'm mostly sharing my thoughts and emotions on so simple events of the day. I wonder what you do find interesting in my simple story. Also I have loads of colored paper for the children as you figured, I never tought of using them for me ! Day 12 A too short night to start. I was awoke from 3 A.M to 6 A.M. Staying 1h30m in bed I couldn't sleep. I started to read the first book of Lone Wolf. I didn't the hour and half pass ! At least there's something way better with paper or board games than video games : you can change the rules according to what you feel is funny very easely and that is great ! My wife cooked for a little charity group for lonely and poor people. I had to deliver the meal. We played a board game with my wife and my oldest child, she's finally grown enough to play with us ! I read to the same child a part of an adapted Bible for kids. I took a little nap, made 1,5 kg of pancakes, then we went to the mass at 6P.M. at the Cathedrale of Chartres, I could pray because the children were calm (thank God for the miracle ! during these 4 last years praying at the mass on Sundays is difficult because of the children moving, screaming, whining...). Then it was diner time and I was exhausted after. When I'm nervous and tired, my eyes hurt and usually I start getting angry, but this evening it's great, I didn't scream : it's because of a fruitful communion and gaming abstinence. I'm always enthusiastic about this, only someone who experiences it knows how you get better doing almost nothing except giving all your heart to the Christ during communion. What is really sad, it's when you read the memories of saints who had the grace to see the Christ after his resurrection (Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Theresa of Avila, Saint Faustine Kowalska, Saint Padre Pio...), Our Lord is always saying His love is not taken seriously, especially during communion. I'm seriously thinking going to the mass on Wednesday also, I should already have taken this resolution long time before to get better.
  4. Mouxine

    TSL's Journal

    That's not a relapse ! If you set up a chess game and do not make a move, you didn't play it. You didn't relapse, you kept control. That's something, I would have surely relapse in your place. I'm being curious and it would be interesting for your detox : why did you open that game ?
  5. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 10 Today I could enjoy playing a maze game with my 4 year old daughter at nap time. A peaceful day ! Searched a bit more for gamebooks, I found project Aon editing Lone Wolf for free, it seems interesting. I hadn't heard from it at all, I was already sticking my noze in video games when it had some success. Other than that and routine, I fixed a trashed white board (90cm x 60 cm) and hung it in the dining room for class. I like fixing things, especially if I can recycle trash. Day 11 I finally managed to make my Kindle work ! After 4 years... Anyway, it's the cheapest way the read Lone Wolf without been stuck at my laptop. I would have liked to print it but at 15€ per book I can buy them in French, and I'm not ready to do that yet. I realized that since I can't go out of my house so often, my best way to relax is relying on imagination (it was my n°1 reason for gaming) and oration (it's like meditation but orienting our hearts toward God). I stared to ceiling during 5 minutes when I was nervous, it helped me calm down by a lot. I'm much more a creative man than I thought, I used to think I was a pure thinking type but I was wrong : I'm an idealist dreamer. Gaming abstinence starts to be really fruitful : I control my anger better, I spend more quality time with my children, my prayers are deeper.
  6. Mouxine

    TSL's Journal

    Wow, you're organized ! Keep going ! Don't worry about being more impulsive, it's perfectly normal. Try finding something relaxing when you need to cool down.
  7. Mouxine

    Moving on

    Loneliness is a hard trial, but being with the wrong one is much worst. A she-friend of mine has child with an alcoholic, smoking drugs and claustrating it's wife because he's scared she will run away. Trust me, she would prefer by far being alone, but she can't get rid of the man. From a some point of view, you're much luckier than other, but I don't mean your situation is satisfying but at least you are not the prisonner of an horrible man. From the little I see from you, you seem a deep person, and you have the will to stop a destructive addiction. That's attractive for someone who likes responsible people. An honest man will love who because of who you are, not because you look nice. Hope you get well soon.
  8. Mouxine

    Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

    You're on the good way. Realizing that you have only one life, with time limited and the duty to use it worthly is one big step forward. Being aware that eternal damnation exist, is also great. Here in France, many people forgot about this, or worse, they don't believe it anymore. We had a stupid revolution in the 1960s, and everyone was like "we'll all go to heaven !" and priest saying "we afraid people with Hell but it's finished now". Triple stupid, thinking God doesn't retribute someone with justice, thinking that Hitler or Staline could go to heaven without a proper expiation. God is a Father, and any good father doesn't give gifts to an evil child. Seven years of study for priesthood and some cannot read correctly the Gospel (Matt, 25 v31 sqq). What a shame... Anyway don't force it too much, there's a time for everything. taking proper rest is truly God's Will when it's after hardwork. It's not only about being productive, it's about being fruitful. It seems you have a lot of energy going, that's so nice to see.
  9. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 8 Daily routine aside going to my biblical study group. Day 9 Daily routine. At 17 P.M my oldest daughter had a friend at home and she slept home. Tried to find the hobbies to stay clear from video games. Game books and board games seem to work a bit, I don't have yet the motivation to invest in it. Most of video games I played were cheap or free, yet awesome for some of them. I seriously thinking about creating my own board games to fit my way of gaming. I'm think I'm to lazy to start, or scared from failure, like putting 80h creating something not fun... I would love to make a gamebook in the style of the pc game Tower of the Sorcerer, a huge maze with puzzle elements. I can't find a decent one to buy yet.
  10. Mouxine

    Moving on

    I feel sad for you. Being betrayed like this. If you truly like Seneca, you could also read Marcus Aurelius, and Epictetus, two other major figur of the Stoic Thought. There's also many common points between Stoic Thought and Christianity, maybe you would be interested in reading the Gospel. I studied philosophy, so maybe I could answer some of your questions, it depends on what you actually search reading Seneca. I'm the kind of person who needs loads of effort to stand up for myself, I know it's hard if you are very introverted. But you can do it, just try and retry and you will finally succeed
  11. Mouxine

    TSL's Journal

    That's great for you ! One of the best way to avoid relapsing is creating a healthy routine and that is exactly what you are doing. If you have a meaningful work most of the days, you won't relaspse nor have cravings during that time. I'm rooting for you !
  12. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 6 My wife's birthday. She had friends at home, I passed the whole day talking, taking care of the children (3 mine + 1 of our friend). My wife received a Monopoly gaming Mariokart, a board game reminding gaming. No special cravings with it. Nothing special aside from that. Day 7 I had a restaurant 1 on 1 with my wife. Nothing special to say, we were laughting about us, we're so unlike other couples in many ways : dressing, talking, interests... We are silent or talk slowly, not because we look at our phone, but we have really nothing to say aside from our routine, except I love you gazing at each other. Homeschool was terrible today, the children weren't concentrated at all. I suppose it was because it was in the afternoon after grandma left. She's too lenient with smartphone so the kids' brains were saturated during class. I listened to some game music, maybe it's risky but anyway I spent most of the day humming them. By experience, it's much less dangerous for me than reading a FAQ on Gamefaq or watching a speedrun. I get super hard cravings when I look at speedruns, and it's the n°2 temptation after garming. Since the first day I had the temptation 1 time or 2 but I'm much weaker on this side, it's generally the first wall to crumble before relapsing.
  13. Mouxine

    Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

    Keep up with your resolution. And don't forget, it's not having no cravings which makes you being a good man, it's resisting them because you know have to. It's your free will which is to most important, desires are a part of them, but pure Love is also pure Will, just like in the Saint Trinity where there's no emotions but only pure Will.
  14. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    @katsudo19 Thanks for the advices ! Get up early : I love this one, but I'm already short on sleep. Trust me, I hate oversleeping, I prefer by far taking a 15 min nap after lunch if I'm too tired. Exercise : I get bored so quickly exercising. It's surely one of the fastest way to relapse because I'm so bored after ! I can't exercise without an imposed goal, if it's self imposed, I won't make it, it feels meaningless to me. Affirmation : it's not easy for us, french people, to think like that. I feel entangled by all the norms and rules in France : you can't even mop the floor without a diploma now ! I know I have to progress in selfconfidence, it's true. There's a christian way to have it : with God by my side, I can do anything ! Reading autobiography : I love that, but only with people that I actually admire or has a really interresting life from my point of view. Books about manliness... I won't read them, I hate all this debate about be a true male. I'm generally mocked by my male friends because they think I'm acting too womanly. My true male model it's the soldier spirit : you don't get into danger for fun but because it's a necessity, you experience fear during battle but you overcome it for an ideal like freedom or fatherland, if you win war you know it's because your fellow soldiers battled with you, not only because of your own efforts even if they contribute to it. Many males confuse selfishness with manliness, I just despise that. I've got a friend like that, assertive and all the manly blablah and I sleept with loads of women, he doesn't want anyone to show him disrepect. Now his wife has cancer and he hasn't the courage to go visit her when she's in the hospital : he's a coward not a man... I don't care if I don't please women, my wife and my kids are proud of me that is enough. If women are stupid not to be attracted by Nice Guys, so be it, they have to assume too. Day 5 Had family at home, not much time to pray. It was a tiring saturday, not so bad, but it's so better when I'm free to read and pray on Sundays. No cravings, except around 3 P.M and around 19P.M when my wife was gaming a bit. We watched Trolls, common but not bad.
  15. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    Day 4 I started the day with bad mood, usually the case when I got to sleep being angry or sad. It was the case because of the argument with my wife before sleep. Class with the kids went well, a smiling atmosphere came back at house and the day was good. It's saturday evening, we went to the anticipated mass because tomorrow we have family at home, I hate mundane talks on Saturdays, but I have no choice. Not much cravings today. My wife gamed next to me before going to bed, I watched her with bearable craving. It's easy yet because I have everything in mind, it won't always be. I was searching also for the famous activities or hobbies to replace gaming. Priority for me are relaxing activities : I have always something to do, you can't get bored with 3 homescholed children, but it can become unbearable ! Boredom occurs more when they go to sleep... Social activities don't hook me much... I like being by myself, I enjoy silence and freedom. Profond conversations are nice too but not too long. I guess that's why I'm confortable writing on this forum. @Splitstep Thank you for your post, it made me smile. You seem much more enthousiastic than I am, that is great.
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