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Journey to my white coat


Deku
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Less than 10 days now from 90 days of game-free life. It's crazy how fast the time has gone by.

Still feeling a bit down, but I've worked out a temporary solution to keep myself productive until I can get the ball rolling again. I'll sit in a comfy spot, close my eyes, take some deep breaths, and slowly turn off the noise in my head. Then I'll blast some music on my headphones to hype myself up. With this method I can usually get a couple of good hours in before I have to take a break, which is certainly not nothing.

Here's some stuff I've done in the past couple days:

-I rewrote my notes for bible study, and actually learned a lot from doing it. I guess there was a lot of information that just slipped through the cracks in my mind, which isn't surprising given my previous level of motivation to actively review the content. Turns out that the course content is actually pretty darn interesting, and I'm actively looking forward to class on Monday.

-Made an appointment with my university's premed advisor to get my bearings straight for the next few months of my life. 

-Randomly won a beanie from a Youtube giveaway!

-Continuing to attend all my classes and review my notes for them. I am falling a bit behind on all my lab notebooks though, so I think I can use my time this weekend to square those away.

-Finally, somehow managed to blow my chance with Hayde, which is remarkable given that she asked me out. I don't know what I did wrong, and frankly I don't have the time or energy to reflect on my actions and figure it out. I'm just going to chalk up another one on the extensive list of L's and hope that it can get turned around someday. Heck, with so many L's in just this semester alone, I'm probably due for a W at least sometime soon.

That's all for now; have to go to a sickle cell support group meeting tomorrow, so hitting the hay early tonight. See y'all again in the near future.

P.S. Thanks to @Silverlining and @karabas for the advice; I've written it before but I think it's important to restate that it's really amazing to know that there are actually people out there who read my many ramblings and take the time to give their thoughts about it. So thank you very much for helping me out during this period of my life ?. I would love to get away for a weekend and go on a vacation, but unfortunately my cells won't feed themselves! It would definitely be nice to visit the Redwood forests up North, Yosemite to the East, or Big Sur to the South though. I've been in California all my life and somehow haven't been to any of the three.

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Woke up at the crack of dawn today to go to a support group meeting for Sickle Cell Anemia 50 miles from my house. It was a really valuable opportunity and I'm glad I went. Not only did I get to meet with patients and hear their stories, but I also got to learn so much about what has to be one of the most underrated diseases in the world. 

I'm still feeling a bit down, but I forced myself to be positive today rather than wallowing in self-pity, and I think it helped a bit. I'm starting to worry less about things beyond my control (ie, the attraction women feel towards me) and more on the things I can control (ie continued self-improvement). I think that's a pretty healthy mindset to take moving forwards.

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On 11/10/2018 at 8:50 AM, Deku said:

-Finally, somehow managed to blow my chance with Hayde, which is remarkable given that she asked me out. I don't know what I did wrong, and frankly I don't have the time or energy to reflect on my actions and figure it out. I'm just going to chalk up another one on the extensive list of L's and hope that it can get turned around someday. Heck, with so many L's in just this semester alone, I'm probably due for a W at least sometime soon.

I would try not to worry about it too much , these things happen and look you are getting a lot of interest from the lasses, there can be a number of reasons why things don't click and sometimes this is for the best. It can be hard to take but you will find someone.

Less than nine days to go !!!

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Because of the smoke pollution from the wildfires near my area, the University is shut down for the next couple days. No rest for the weary though, as I still had to show up at the lab by 9 to get the work for the day done. Went to bible study after to learn more about the symbology used in the scriptures, had a pop quiz today as well which went very well. Even got dinner with some members of the group afterwards. I feel very good about my decision joining that group. It may not help at all for getting into medical school, but between all the interesting things I'm learning about Christianity and all the friends I've made, I don't at all feel like my time there has been wasted.

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My mom has come back to town, and naturally that means that I'm once again spending all my time in the library. Actually got quite a lot done today--read the papers for Stem Cell lecture and journal club this afternoon, and update quite a decent chunk of my lab notebook for Stem Cell lab. Thanks mom!

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Life's been pretty unremarkable the past few days. There's a poster session that I'm trying to present at that's taking place on December 11th, so I've been spending most of my time in the lab, really only leaving to eat, sleep and study the bible. 

The only really interesting thing was my optometry appointment this week; I needed a refill on my contact lenses and apparently you're required to get an eye exam as well before they can order you more. Anyways, the optometrist (who was admittedly very young, maybe 27 or 28?) spent the entire time talking with me and asking all these questions about my life, stretching our appointment from 30 minutes to well over an hour. At the end she also called me back into her office and wrote her personal number on the back of her business card, saying "I'd love to hear about how your medical school applications go." I haven't the faintest idea how I would go about trying to pick up a girl that's several years older than me and quite successful, so I'm probably not going to do anything, but it's quite the amusing story that I thought I'd share.

And hey, 90 days! I would be more excited if I didn't feel...exactly the same. I'm focusing more on the next 90 days, and what I can use them for in order to bring myself closer to applying to medical school.

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I’m back after quite a long hiatus and...this is a long overdue post now. The truth is I relapsed quite quickly after hitting 90 days, going back to my old ways of playing League of Legends and pretty much any other game I could get my hands on. And immediately after starting to game, my life went right back into the shitter. I’ve been staying up way too late, procrastinating, all the terrible shit that got me here in the first place. I don’t know why I went back to gaming, but all I know is that it has to stop. Who knows if I can still get to medical school at this point, but I’m only going to live once so I guess I may as well try.

I’ve failed, guys. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. All I can do is promise to do better next time.

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1 hour ago, Deku said:

I’m back after quite a long hiatus and...this is a long overdue post now. The truth is I relapsed quite quickly after hitting 90 days, going back to my old ways of playing League of Legends and pretty much any other game I could get my hands on. And immediately after starting to game, my life went right back into the shitter. I’ve been staying up way too late, procrastinating, all the terrible shit that got me here in the first place. I don’t know why I went back to gaming, but all I know is that it has to stop. Who knows if I can still get to medical school at this point, but I’m only going to live once so I guess I may as well try.

I’ve failed, guys. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. All I can do is promise to do better next time.

Well man. As one word of wisdom says " sometimes a certain defeat might mean more than a victory" will it be so? Well, it depends on you.

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6 hours ago, Deku said:

I’m back after quite a long hiatus and...this is a long overdue post now. The truth is I relapsed quite quickly after hitting 90 days, going back to my old ways of playing League of Legends and pretty much any other game I could get my hands on. And immediately after starting to game, my life went right back into the shitter. I’ve been staying up way too late, procrastinating, all the terrible shit that got me here in the first place. I don’t know why I went back to gaming, but all I know is that it has to stop. Who knows if I can still get to medical school at this point, but I’m only going to live once so I guess I may as well try.

I’ve failed, guys. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. All I can do is promise to do better next time.

You passed the 90 days, it's still something! Giving yourself a little credit doesn't hurt. And you deserved some reward but subconsciously you probably thought of playing games as a reward.

Why not think of this as an experiment? After the 90-day detox you tested if you had become a different person who could play moderately. Turned out you were not. 

That's OK. Life is not about keeping a perfect record. Trial and error is a good way to learn, as long as you can learn from this experience.

For AA I think they have a saying that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" -- I'm not sure though, learned this from TV shows. But that's probably true with game addicts too.

Tbh I am thinking about going back to games a little bit after 90 days. Not sure if it's a dangerous thing to do, but I want to know if I can play a little bit without disrupting my lifestyle and then stop playing at my will. 

 

Stay resilient! And good luck! 

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8 hours ago, Deku said:

I don’t know why I went back to gaming

One relapse doesn't define you, so don't lose hope. The members above me wrote everything right so I won't say anything they already said so well - but what I have to tell you is, find out that why. Successful people look for the lesson in the bad situations and that's how they become stronger and smarter and wiser. So look into yourself and find out why you went back, what that says about your mind workings and so on. This way you're making the best out of this mistake, using it to learn more about yourself and be better next time. 

 

8 hours ago, Deku said:

I’ve failed, guys. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. All I can do is promise to do better next time.

You can do better, with more self knowledge. Keep up the good work, you didn't really ruin anything, you still did 90 days off gaming. But do some introspection to use this experience for better results in the future! 

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Relapse can happen - it is like it is. Dont blame yourself, it wont help. Be objective, check the reasons why u failed. Remember that the relapse doesnt destroy ur efforts in the 90 days detox. I mean if a person do 90 day detox straight and relapse maybe one week, thats still a pretty good deal. The only reason why relapse should be never a option you take by yourself is the danger that you cant get back on track after the relapse quickly. But you are here again. Thats great.

ill look forward to your post tomorrow :)!

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I relapsed right after hitting 90 days too. That's OK. Learn from it, see what you're doing wrong, and pick yourself back up.

I struggled for a bit after my post-90-day relapse, but once I restarted my detox, gaming hasn't been an issue. I'm at a 110 days now and aside from an occasional craving there hasn't been a big problem. Videos and the like still are, but at least I've gotten gaming out of the picture.

One of the key things I've learned from failing is to not feel too crap about it and just move on. Failures will happen and it's how we grow.

Here's to another 90 days of butt-kickery ?

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Back into it now, and not a minute too soon. Unbelievably it's already time for finals and I have five in the next two weeks. 

Took the first one today for Stem Cell lecture...don't know how to feel about it. Definitely didn't fail but I don't think I aced it either. Honestly I'm glad midterms went very well, it really takes the pressure off this point this semester. I know I should study hard and finish strong but it's so easy to just take it easy now and cruise my way to the finish line.

Research poster for the poster session on the 10th is done, and there's quite a lot of good stuff on there. Shane and I made a unique reporter stem cell line and differentiated them into motor neurons. Some choice pictures I'm super proud of are attached.

1641571057_MadProjectionsPlated1124Picture1126.thumb.jpg.fd3dc5ae657adb784187a4b4f1b1069d.jpg

A massive colony of neurons...you can see the projections and stuff coming out from it.

1126051854_Overlay_Average0019(1).thumb.jpg.c9483265ef07f0cc673fa4559e5a1f67.jpg

Staining! (Done on Dr. Abramson's crappy microscope). You can see the motor neurons in red and their projections in green.

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Nice! You're making me miss bio. Stem cell differentiation and immunofluorescence was my jam at my last research job.

Glad to hear you're back in the saddle! Are you off of games again?

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@karabas I am off games again! Hopefully for another 90 days at the very least.

Finals continue! Got Stem Cell Journal Club tomorrow, an open materials exam which shouldn't be too bad (although I am ashamed to admit it is almost 10:30 and I am reading some of these papers for the first time -__-). Biggest stressor is, once again, Molecular Biology. I am stressing HARD about the lab notebook, which I turned in last Tuesday after pulling a true all-nighter to write 71 pages of notes. I was in the peak of my gaming fever then, and if the games cost me yet another good grade in a class after all the hell I've already been through in the first few months, I don't think I can ever forgive myself.

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5 hours ago, Deku said:

I am off games again! Hopefully for another 90 days at the very least.

Good to hear! And if you've hit 90 days before, why not try setting a slightly higher bar: maybe 120 days?

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@karabas 120 days sounds lovely. I'll do my best!

4/5 finals done now. Honestly I feel pretty ehhhh about all of them, but that's why I worked my tail off early on--so that I could take pressure off this point of the semester when the burnout sets in. Just have my poster session on Monday, the Mol Bio final on Tuesday, and then...that's it. 5 weeks that I can use to work on other stuff for med school applications. Can't wait!

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Shane and I had our poster session for our project today. Got first overall among all the presenters, so that was nice!

Got the Mol Bio final tomorrow. I'm sitting comfortably at 148/150 total points right now after maxing out participation and worksheets, but not even half the points have been put in the gradebook yet (notebook and final, both worth 100 points each). To get an A in the class I can afford to lose 22.5 more points, so the goal is to come as close as possible to 100 points on the final to support my undoubtedly terrible notebook score. Finished going over the review sheet today and I'm just flat out ready to end this semester at this point.

 

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6 hours ago, JustTom said:
6 hours ago, Deku said:

I'm just flat out ready to end this semester at this point.

Duuuuude exactly. Please let this year end already lmao. 

Lol. I hated university (I love learning... just not in school) and everybody kept telling me, "just wait till you get a job, you'll hate working and wish you went back to uni!"

Nope. Never happened. Every time somebody mentions their uni studies, I feel thankful for not having to go through that again ?

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Quick update--Got the A+ in Stem Cell lecture! ? 

It remains to be seen what becomes of the Mol Bio grades though...

Edit: And an A+ in Stem Cell lab! ?

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