Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 2.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise.  I'm disappointed.

Today was decent. I woke up late again and made breakfast, went for a 2 hour walk, made food, watched TV, had therapy, had my online date, and then sculpted in Blender for about 2 hours. So far t

Today I'm 104 weeks or also 2 years on my journey free from gaming. I can't believe it's been this long. I feel like a different person and don't really have the words to describe how much this means

Posted Images

22 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's important to grieve now so tomorrow I am stronger. 

It sucks that you failed your exam.

I agree that going through the grieving process is both necessary and healthy to live an overall good lifestyle.

I'll add that grieving also means to treat yourself like a precious and fragile object, to coddle yourself for a short time, and to give yourself a break. Extra-work commitments and secondary projects should be reduced because the sooner you process the grief, the sooner you can go back to dominating at 100%. But in order to get there, you'll have to go easy on yourself this holiday season.

Stay away from addictions and bad habits, but reduce your workload too and don't try to do anything more. You have one priority right now and that is to honor the sacred grieving.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/14/2020 at 4:52 AM, BooksandTrees said:

I look for many things. Some of the key ones are:

How is the conversation going with the woman online? How many of your criteria do you think she fits?

I think that your list makes sense and that everybody wants these things in a woman. I think everybody compromises in some things though, because nobody is flawless and everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Whether you continue to date a woman ultimately depends on your gut and not on your checklist. She might be great in 3 things, be okay in 6 and be horrible in 2 and you can still roll with her. Remember that a lot of the qualities are double-edged, so if she's overly responsible, she might be unable to relax and you will have to help her with that.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/15/2020 at 7:57 PM, BooksandTrees said:

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise. 

I'm disappointed. 

But I want you all to watch what I'm doing. I'm not going to play hours and hours of video games, watch porn, or anything like that to escape my pain. 

I will sit here and understand my pain to the fullest. This pain I will never forget. Every day when I study for the next exam and don't feel like it I'll remember this pain. How I never want to feel it again. 

This is my fuel. I will not hide from it. I will harness it and face the world again. I am resilient and unwavered. I accept my loss and pain. I'm allowing myself to be sad. Being sad lets me release my negative emotions in a healthy way. Crying is human release. It's important to grieve now so tomorrow I am stronger. 

If you face pain in life just remember to never hide. 

I am so sorry.  You worked so hard. It’s ok to grieve and feel all the emotions. 
 

Sending strength friend. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/15/2020 at 10:57 PM, BooksandTrees said:

 

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise. 

 

I am so sorry you failed the exam, that sucks after putting hours of work in. I hope you are able to pass future exams. 
 

I am proud you noted you weren't going to passive consumption to hide the pain. Most gamers would in your situation. Good on you, use the pain to improve and succeed!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

This weekend I hit 112 weeks. I actually had no internet due to a power outage. Sorry for any concern @Bird By Bird but thanks for checking in. I finally got everything restored yesterday.

So I'm on vacation for the next 9 days. I have my 4th video date with this girl tomorrow evening. I'm very excited. She's been quite a discovery for me. She is so intuitive and introspective. She asks me all the right questions and just has this passion in her eyes that is so genuine. She speaks from the heart in a logical way and I just find it so attractive. I really hope this continues to go well.

I built my drum set over the weekend. It is so awesome. It's very quiet actually. You can barely hear it when I have headphones on. I'm going to start taking some video lessons on YouTube and see how that goes. I think I need to start with body positioning and hand grip methods so I am not wasting energy or straining myself. This might actually be good for my posture lol. But honestly, it felt so nice to hit the drums and relieve stress. I didn't make any good music but it just felt nice to zone out and make sounds.

I'm not sure how I want to spend this vacation. I think I want to relax a lot, use my bowflex, play the drums a few times, and maybe get back into some animation projects that I put off. One of the things I'd like to do is be able to practice hobbies and study in the same week and not feel like I need to only study or only have fun. This will be a major test for me.

I did as much cleaning as I could this weekend without power. I still have to vacuum. I'll do that today. But I took time to organize things, build things, and hand clean things. I also want to meal prep a bit. I scheduled a few phone calls with friends and family this week. I decided not to see anyone for Christmas. We must do our part not to transmit this virus. 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/15/2020 at 11:57 PM, Pochatok said:

I think that is a very goof intention, but please be careful! At times, the pain may be too much for your brain/body to manage, even if you might think or feel otherwise. Excessive pain can be traumatizing- I developed a phobia for knives by not treating my wound from the cut properly. If you are having any urges to "escape", don't ignore them completely; when I feel like watching porn, I instead go read a book or a comic. That helps me lower stress without quitting the reality completely. Take care of yourself!

Have you ever read "Untamed"? I suggest you check it out, just for fun 🙂

Po

Comics are a big trigger for me since most of the females drawn in comics have strong bodies, huge boobs, and a beautiful face. I have to do more boring things lol.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Ikarthings are going well with her. I am trying to be patient. Sometimes I really want to meet or go further, but can't because of the virus. So I have to be patient with 1-2 virtual dates per week and texting each day. I just get excited and want to meet her is all. I feel she's very special. But then again I don't want to put her on such a high pedestal that it's all I think about. So I try to go about my day as normal and not think until I get a message.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Comics are a big trigger for me since most of the females drawn in comics have strong bodies, huge boobs, and a beautiful face. I have to do more boring things lol.

Hmmm there are just a few comics I could share with you(DM me if you'd like) that do not have booby-booty stuff, but are still an incredibly fun read 🙂

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I was going to ask to what extent it was a conscious decision on your part to become the project manager in your organization. You seem to have gained a more sustained level of proficiency over the months. This means that you can do your current role with less stress and greater clarity. Is this last point true or false?

 

The second question was going to be if this qualification that you are undertaking is affording you broader knowledge and transferable skills in your profession.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Comics are a big trigger for me since most of the females drawn in comics have strong bodies, huge boobs, and a beautiful face. I have to do more boring things lol.

That's the obsession with youth & beauty in today's world. Through porn actresses, through comics to a 25-year old in a TV ad featuring the newest anti-wrinkle solution (as if she needed one at that age anyway). "Real world" women might not be as staggeringly beautiful, but they are actually what we can choose from, plus they can treat us nicely.

14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I have my 4th video date with this girl tomorrow evening. I'm very excited. She's been quite a discovery for me. She is so intuitive and introspective. She asks me all the right questions and just has this passion in her eyes that is so genuine. She speaks from the heart in a logical way and I just find it so attractive. I really hope this continues to go well.

 

14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

@Ikarthings are going well with her. I am trying to be patient. Sometimes I really want to meet or go further, but can't because of the virus. So I have to be patient with 1-2 virtual dates per week and texting each day. I just get excited and want to meet her is all. I feel she's very special. But then again I don't want to put her on such a high pedestal that it's all I think about. So I try to go about my day as normal and not think until I get a message.

Do you have a plan to meet her in person? I think it's not a question if  you want meet her, but when do you want to meet her. You can set this up smartly (say, no contact for both of you with other people for 7-10-14 days before you two meet for a normal date) to counter the CV threat.

I think the longer this "online+texting" phase continues, the more you are going to put her on pedestal. I don't think it's possible to "think" yourself out of it, unless you have other women around you whom you could date.

Good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Ikar said:

That's the obsession with youth & beauty in today's world. Through porn actresses, through comics to a 25-year old in a TV ad featuring the newest anti-wrinkle solution (as if she needed one at that age anyway). "Real world" women might not be as staggeringly beautiful, but they are actually what we can choose from, plus they can treat us nicely.

 

Do you have a plan to meet her in person? I think it's not a question if  you want meet her, but when do you want to meet her. You can set this up smartly (say, no contact for both of you with other people for 7-10-14 days before you two meet for a normal date) to counter the CV threat.

I think the longer this "online+texting" phase continues, the more you are going to put her on pedestal. I don't think it's possible to "think" yourself out of it, unless you have other women around you whom you could date.

Good luck!

We plan on meeting. It's just not safe right now in the United States. People here are morons and spreading it like crazy. I'm not about to get covid. But I agree with you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Had my 4th video date tonight. I really enjoyed it. She's so engaging during conversation and it's a real delight to go back and forth with jokes and deep conversation. There's such a great blend that it keeps things fresh for the entire date. I had fun.

That's amazing 🙂

I think you are doing very well.

Edited by Mohammad
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today I'm 113 weeks free from gaming and 115 weeks free from social media. I had a very productive day today. I vacuumed and mopped my whole apartment as well as cleaned the surfaces and bathrooms etc. I also took out a ton of trash, cleaned dishes, did laundry loads, shredded mail, and threw away some crap I didn't want anymore. It feels really good to clean things. I don't like a lot of clutter around me as it makes me feel confined and trapped. 

I found some beginner drum lessons on YouTube to try out for my drum kit. I'll be doing that soon. I also found some stuff I wanted to 3D animate so I'll be doing that tomorrow for a little bit. I'm going to be slow with this and not try to rush anything crazy. I allowed myself to sleep a ton this week and I feel recharged finally. So I'll be exercising now, doing a little bit of hobbies here and there, then I'll be relaxing. This whole year is going to be about balance for mental clarity. I want to see if I can avoid burnout. That would be great.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

I decided not to text that girl today because I noticed I was initiating most of the conversations over the past week. I'll let her message me next and if she doesn't message within 5 days I'll end communication. I want someone who wants me. This is just a test to see what happens. 

Good observation. I'm also struggling with trying to chat/chatting over the Internet with women over the Internet, but then I remember that if I have a conceivable sexual thought regarding her, I try to keep it to a minimum; just asking what's up and whether she is going to be around in X or at Y. Chatting should be used in a clear and concise manner, not for conversations that drag for days and end nowhere and in nothing.

I do not think you are being congruent with your plan though. You wrote her daily (or multiple times a day from the way you phrased the sentence?). Then you set some covert condition that she has to fulfill, otherwise she won't hear from you anymore. The reason you set that plan up was because you were unhappy about your own actions, not because she did you wrong, so she won't have a clue as to why you suddenly stopped writing her.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Ikar said:

Good observation. I'm also struggling with trying to chat/chatting over the Internet with women over the Internet, but then I remember that if I have a conceivable sexual thought regarding her, I try to keep it to a minimum; just asking what's up and whether she is going to be around in X or at Y. Chatting should be used in a clear and concise manner, not for conversations that drag for days and end nowhere and in nothing.

I do not think you are being congruent with your plan though. You wrote her daily (or multiple times a day from the way you phrased the sentence?). Then you set some covert condition that she has to fulfill, otherwise she won't hear from you anymore. The reason you set that plan up was because you were unhappy about your own actions, not because she did you wrong, so she won't have a clue as to why you suddenly stopped writing her.

Right, but I think I need to do this. I don't want her expecting me to message her every day. It's going to make her feel privileged. Although she's been nice to me, she doesn't deserve that right now. People like her are very beautiful and always getting attention. I don't want her expecting my attention. I want her to work for my attention. After all, I'm very desirable and should be chased as well. 

I don't want to set the standard that I always message her. I want her wondering if I'll message her. I want to create uncertainty. Could I not be interested? 

She's also a very ambitious person and ambitious people want what they can't have or don't have already to an extent. If I make this too easy and predictable then she'll lose interest. I also don't want to be the only person chasing. That's for Simps and people with no self value. Although she's great, I'm a much more valuable person right now and I want people to know it.

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@BooksandTrees, From what I can see, you are reigning in your actions because you don’t want to appear too nice. I think this is right and is coming from your habit of reviewing your actions and being self accountable.

I think a big part of being a man is knowing that something (a promotion or a wedding) is coming your way and not worrying over a mishap. That allows not to concentrate on it too much and stress out but instead work on solving the issues and enjoy the rewards.

 

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Right, but I think I need to do this. I don't want her expecting me to message her every day. It's going to make her feel privileged. Although she's been nice to me, she doesn't deserve that right now. People like her are very beautiful and always getting attention. I don't want her expecting my attention. I want her to work for my attention. After all, I'm very desirable and should be chased as well. 

I don't want to set the standard that I always message her. I want her wondering if I'll message her. I want to create uncertainty. Could I not be interested? 

She's also a very ambitious person and ambitious people want what they can't have or don't have already to an extent. If I make this too easy and predictable then she'll lose interest. I also don't want to be the only person chasing. That's for Simps and people with no self value. Although she's great, I'm a much more valuable person right now and I want people to know it.

I agree with your reasoning in the first two paragraphs; even if she doesn't write back, you have the experience and the opportunity to text less the next time. I think you are trying for a change of the dynamic in a good direction, though I got the impression that it was abrupt. We'll see whether she's onboard or not soon.

14 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

@BooksandTrees, From what I can see, you are reigning in your actions because you don’t want to appear too nice. I think this is right and is coming from your habit of reviewing your actions and being self accountable.

I think a big part of being a man is knowing that something (a promotion or a wedding) is coming your way and not worrying over a mishap. That allows not to concentrate on it too much and stress out but instead work on solving the issues and enjoy the rewards.

I think it always comes back to the mindset of having options in any area of life, whether it is regarding my job, friends or romantic relationships, internally knowing that and acting from the position of power based on that. I desperately hinged on gaming (and later on my X), because I believed there were no other options. I was wrong.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks guys. I appreciate the support. I just see myself having to start the conversation almost 10 days in a row and I've scheduled all 4 dates as well as initiated exchanging numbers. I have had women start the conversation every day. I want some balance where we both take turns. I don't want her getting on a pedestal etc.

There's a movie called "Overboard" with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell that shows an interesting dynamic where Goldie was very rich and got attention all of the time. She gets amnesia and meets Kurt and they have a normal relationship where they both are poor/lower class people and have to take turns working for things. She likes that a lot better. I agreed with it as well. It made sense to me.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.