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BooksandTrees
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On 4/15/2021 at 7:51 AM, Ikar said:

I've found this to be true with my bachelor thesis/finals too. It's human nature to prioritize things that are important to us, no matter the reason. The more things we have going on in our lives, the less likely we are to get obsessed by any single one of them to our detriment. It doesn't mean that the things won't be a bore from time to time, but we have other things to turn to if one of them goes to hell. Diversification is not only a financial concept!

I agree. One of my goals, and I know it has been your goal as well, on this website/journey has been to really diversify my life with hobbies, in-person connections, and a change in my mood overall with the outside world over the virtual world. I think it has really become prevalent with my girlfriend being in my life and the introduction to so many new hobbies. 

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Today I hit 129 weeks free from gaming. I've hit the final week before my exam. It's now just 6 days away. I have followed my study plan to a tee for the most part. I don't know if it will work but I am optimistic and believe this is the most prepared I've ever been. I will take today off to relax, do 12 problems or so tomorrow and read my notes, then do a practice exam Monday, take Tuesday off/organize my notes, do a practice exam on Wednesday, take Thursday off/organize my notes, then Friday is the exam.

If it doesn't work I'll take a year off rather than just 6 months. I don't want burnout anymore. Work has been exhausting but I finally got added to a very cool project. I'm looking forward to starting that after I return from the exam and vacation. I'll also get vaccinated in the next 2 weeks.

I slowly plan to introduce my hobbies again once the exam is over. I'll probably do 1 hour of drums per week and 1 hour of writing per week and continue working out. I really enjoy being physically active. I have increased my strength tremendously over the past 2 months and I'm seeing physical differences in my appearance in a good way. I aim to be relatively toned by summer time.

My mood is better as I've been on my stronger medication for a week, eating healthier, exercising again, sleeping normally, and realizing that this is almost over. I've had some video game cravings but I try to remember how I've improved my life without them and just carry on. 

Stay strong everyone and keep fighting for what you believe in. Believe in yourself and fight for yourself.

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  • 3 weeks later...

This past weekend I hit 131 weeks free from gaming. Sorry for the scare lol. @Ikar thanks for checking in. I was just away. I feel relieved after taking that test. It was really stressful but my girlfriend was incredibly supportive of me and made sure I was ok by throwing a small celebration for me and then taking care of things. I feel so much better overall. I don't think I passed the test but maybe I did. I feel much better than last time I took the test.

I also made some big progress on stuff at work so things are getting better. I'm gonna be doing drums on mondays, animation on fridays, and then relaxing between. I want to dedicate those two days to those two hobbies because if I don't set time aside for them I'll just be lazy.

I'm also going to keep working out. I gained some weight while studying because I was using food as a stress outlet instead of video games or something so I want to lose some weight and find more balance now that I'm less stressed.

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I've found myself facing the same boredom after my studying has ended that I had when I quit video games. It's like my mind craves the feeling of processing information. 

I compare it to quitting video games because I remember feeling like it was bad to feel bored or not being busy. It's important to relax and zone out to recharge your mind. Even right now I'm writing because I was a little anxious from feeling bored. 

It's ok to be bored at times. Not all of the time, but sometimes. 

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Today I hit 132 weeks free from gaming. I have some digestive issues today from allergies and stress I think.  I normally have extreme anxiety over this but I'm trying to remain calm and relax at my girlfriend's house. She's taking care of me and being very calm and letting me do my thing. It's very nice and I'm extremely grateful. 

Irritable bowel syndrome is very frustrating but I'm feeling better than I did 3 hours ago. 

Work is going well and life has been getting better. I've also lost 3 lbs which is nice. 

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I had a good meeting with my therapist today about how the medication I've been taking for depression and anxiety has really impacted me in a positive way. I rarely crave video games, I watch porn maybe twice per week or once per week tops, sometimes none at all for weeks. I just think this medication has helped me get to a point where I'm no longer ruminating and being consumed by anxious thoughts. 

This is important because I've already taken so many steps to developing coping mechanisms for stress and dealing with my triggers. Now that I'm no longer on an 8 out of 10 stress level I can easily handle these stressors because I'm sitting at a 0-2 out of 10. It makes life more manageable. 

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Today I hit 133 weeks free from gaming and 135 weeks free from social media. This week was pretty good overall. I did more chores around the house, ate better, lost 2 lbs, started reading a bit at night again, and wrote the outline for another episode of my cartoon. Work was also productive and I completed all of my tasks. I also talked to people in my family, saw my girlfriend, and had a good therapy session. 

I think this weekend I'll try reading and writing a bit. I also want to relax because I'm getting my second vaccine shot and hoping I feel fine after. 

Glad to hear from people and I hope everyone is doing well. 

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I fucking give up watching sports. I get so angry that I put so much time into something outside of my control. I don't get it. My stupid team always plays well and then chokes in the playoffs. It's just a built in depression annually waiting to slow my brain and taper my happiness into a bowl of shit.

When am I going to learn? I know you can't win every year, but we make no effort and I just put this false sense of hope and happiness into it. What a joke.

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I've had a bad dream every day for the past few days about my mom. It's difficult to decipher. I talk to her once a week and the conversations are fine. She hasn't made me angry in months. But for some reason we're always arguing and it feels like I have this deep seeded hatred for her. 

I don't hate her though. I love her and have improved my relationship with her over the past 6 months. It's odd. I'm always on the defense in my dreams. 

Tonight I woke up because I was dreaming that I was over her house after not being allowed to see her for months. I EA's sleeping in the dream and she opened my door and I tried waking up in the dream to make sure she didn't attack me, but I was so vigilant that I woke up in real life covered in sweat and heart pounding. 

Very strange. 

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I had one of the best dreams I've ever had a few hours after the bad dream. I would pay an incredible amount of money to experience it lol.

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Today I'm 134 weeks free from gaming. I'm a little annoyed because I've been using phone apps recently as a distraction at work when I'm bored. 

I think everyone gets bored at work because it's just in our nature to want to change things up all of the time. But I stopped using the apps because I was doing it after work too. 

It's annoying because I want something to do at all times, but it's annoying because I want to do something creative like my writing. So I think it's about being mature and realizing what I want more. Writing and art. 

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I painted today for a few hours with my girlfriend and really enjoyed it. I'm so happy she's artistic like I am. It helps soothe my anxiety and give me confidence to do my activities. No apps this weekend either. I'm feeling a lot better with her support and my medication. 

I'm hoping to keep creating art, writing, and doing other creative hobbies this year. I feel better about them already. 

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27 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Am I the only one who feels this website is a bit dead compared to the past?

It does. I haven't seen a spam-bot recently either. No idea about any hard data for the website though.

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5 minutes ago, Ikar said:

It does. I haven't seen a spam-bot recently either. No idea about any hard data for the website though.

I just feel like a lot of the more frequent writers are disappearing and the influx of new members is slowing. I also feel like I don't matter as much in the community. Like we're all just writing and move on. It feels like a chore. I've written about this in the past but it feels more so now. I guess I just feel lost in this pandemic still.

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I'm recommitting to this journey. I didn't relapse, but I've been binge watching TV, being very lethargic, and just not living the way I want. It's bothering me. It's made me crave games again. I'm nipping it in the bud.

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Today I'm going to workout, eat dinner, watch my show, and read a little.

I'm also considering buying a tablet or something to do art with.

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Man, don’t slide back into filling time with distractions. Writing and reading is a clever way to structure your time more productively.

I think about the reduced activity of this website-  it may be momentary or not.

When I remember myself some years back, I had a gaming problem without playing the games, but compulsively constructing game worlds in my mind and I hadn’t had enough awareness on how to combat this.

Right now there are many people who need help but don’t know it. How did I come to this conclusion? The gaming industry has become more mainstream. There was a world competition some years ago for one online game with a prize fund of over 30 million USD. That tells me there are many people in need of support.

I’d like Cameron Adair to give us some news on his awareness campaigns. I suggested to him to gain publicity by sending questions to gaming conventions on the harm done by new concepts of video games. I had no response unfortunately.

I’ve a friend who is a gamer but I don’t know how to voice it to him. They typically get embarrassed and defensive when you tell them that.

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4 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Right now there are many people who need help but don’t know it.

I think that's right on point with any addiction. There are more things that are evidently harmful (smoking, alcohol, gambling) and people need help with them too. The issue is that they need the epiphany; to realize there are more valuable things to spend time and money on than games. You can't cram it down their throat.

I think the current problem of the society today is that people overall are at a loss about what to value and what to do. The "good traditional values" (loyalty, trust, responsibility) paradoxically got us to a point where we don't need them as much as we used to in the past, at least to survive physically. The generations before us toiled their lives away so we could live better today and I believe we continue to do that.

It takes time for the collective human mind to figure that out. Remember that 200 years ago, the average age was 30, there were perpetual wars, hunger, diseases... the amount of people who had any "free time" as we know it today was very small. Today, it's harder to recognize when we screw things up, because it usually doesn't have the immediate effect these things had on us in the past. We don't normally pay for our mistakes on an existential basis anymore.

As with any "new" thing, it takes time to use it well. I have sympathy for humanity overall, because we first have to fuck up before we get better.

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13 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Man, don’t slide back into filling time with distractions. Writing and reading is a clever way to structure your time more productively.

I think about the reduced activity of this website-  it may be momentary or not.

I agree. I purchased a tablet and will be writing and drawing in my spare time when I feel like it. I'm also more motivated to paint now after painting last weekend. I had a great session with my therapist and got over the bad feelings I had on Monday. I think I'm gonna come out of it on top.

I got frustrated on the website here because I wasn't sure if I was wasting my time or not. I was also embarrassed by the tone of my posts before being on medication a few years ago. But I look at it as growth and I'm proud of the growth I've made. I've also probably annoyed the moderators with talking about deleting my diary etc. But I think it serves as a big progress journey for myself and I also think people come to the website and read my diary as a source of help in some ways. Maybe I'm being more self important than reality, but I do have a lot of page visits so I'm assuming I'm helping someone feel better. I don't want to let them down either.

8 hours ago, Ikar said:

think the current problem of the society today is that people overall are at a loss about what to value and what to do. The "good traditional values" (loyalty, trust, responsibility) paradoxically got us to a point where we don't need them as much as we used to in the past, at least to survive physically. The generations before us toiled their lives away so we could live better today and I believe we continue to do that.

I also think life today is too difficult for most to start addressing their problems. The world is in a tough spot and people are struggling so much. I noticed around Fall and Winter of 2020 people posted on here way less. Like they needed more of a break from life and sometimes video games are that perfect escapism for people. I just think maybe in a few months we'll see more people and others will start looking to get out of their old habits.

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I feel like I'm doing better mentally tonight than I have in weeks. I've gone about 4 days without any addictive activities and I've rested really well. I've kind of eaten like shit today but I feel better mentally and I'm more present to talk on the website than months past.

I plan on finishing the week strong at work tomorrow, talking to friends after, then going on a nice little vacation with my girlfriend and her family. I want to get to know them better and I'm eager to spend time with her and be in our own place. It's a healthy escapism if you think about it.

I also plan on writing a little bit up there and drawing. I'm recovering from burnout a bit and I'm happy to say I'll be doing more of my hobbies soon. I'm rock climbing again and will be playing the drums again soon. Therapy and my medication has really made such a huge impact in my life in helping me regulate my emotions and control myself better.

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14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I also think life today is too difficult for most to start addressing their problems. The world is in a tough spot and people are struggling so much. I noticed around Fall and Winter of 2020 people posted on here way less. Like they needed more of a break from life and sometimes video games are that perfect escapism for people. I just think maybe in a few months we'll see more people and others will start looking to get out of their old habits.

They've actually opened the pubs several days ago, so I hope the sport and cultural events are going to open in June as well. It's easier to stay away from addictions with good people around.

14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I plan on finishing the week strong at work tomorrow, talking to friends after, then going on a nice little vacation with my girlfriend and her family. I want to get to know them better and I'm eager to spend time with her and be in our own place. It's a healthy escapism if you think about it.

Sounds good! It seems that you are happy with your relationship and that you are getting what you want.

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