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About padreman

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  1. padreman

    Dear Diary...

    I would use a lot of your words to describe exactly how I feel, too, including the porn. I've been free of it for a little over a year after fighting it for 14 years...it nearly ruined my life. I was even suicidal. Now I have to go through this process again with the video games. It's like I don't want to go to bed because I finally get some time for MYSELF. Once I go to sleep, that time is over. Then I wake up and go through the whole cycle. I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel...but that video game dopamine high....there's nothing like it. But from my own experience, I know that it will settle down. Sorry, I hope I'm not hijacking your journal. I just want to thank you for your words. And know that you are not alone.
  2. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    fawn_xoxo, thank you! I just sold my gaming computer and vr system. It has been extremely hard for me last night and today as I was packing everything up. The last time I turned the computer off after cleaning the hard drives, I could hear the fans and the psu come to a gentle stop and my stomach sank. I wanted to turn it back on just to look at it one last time (it was a liquid cooled computer with hard tubing, led lighting, and uv red coolant). But I knew it wouldn't make me feel better. Today, the cravings came down hard on me today. I even watched some youtube videos about the history of Mario Brothers 2, lol. I knew that wasn't a good idea. I went out with friends tonight and enjoyed it the best I could. And it was good for me. At the same time, I am still sad tonight. I've got a lot of stress to deal with at work and my childhood trauma is beginning to surface in the midst of it. It's stuff that I have dealt with before but I lost track of using my tools since I got back into gaming, thinking it was going to be different that time. Now two years have been lost to a life weighed down by excessive gaming. That makes me feel pretty sad. But I can't focus on the past. I have to live in the present and be grateful to God for another day of sobriety and freedom. Gratitude list: Great jazz music Christmas songs and Christmas lights A very supportive secretary and staff Ebay has helped in making this transition (how else would I have sold this stuff?) Nice cool weather My faith in God that anchored me today in prayer Christ came into the world bringing joy This program Good friends that care about me
  3. padreman

    Virtual Reality = Gaming???

    Well, I just shipped out the vr system and I will be shipping out the computer this Saturday. They are both sold. Now time to move on.
  4. padreman

    Virtual Reality = Gaming???

    It's up for sale now, along with the computer that I put together specifically for gaming and vr (I have two computers and a laptop). I'm going to take that money to convert my freshwater tank to a saltwater. It's going to be epic and relaxing all at once. Thank you so much!
  5. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    So far so good. It was kind of shocking today that I started to think about gaming. It was a lot of euphoric recall. Even some of the old games from my child hood started to dance around my head. I also started to think about online gambling and some online poker....very bad for me. Today, I am grateful for: A good evening A nice fire and cigar Good bourben Good friends who remembered me today My awesome saltwater aquarium coming in The courage to put my gaming equipment up for sale The Texans won A good gathering with friends last night
  6. padreman

    Virtual Reality = Gaming???

    OK. Thank you so much for your input. I have been thinking of selling the system.
  7. So I have been playing on my Oculus Rift since it came out. I stopped using it when I turned to 2d pc games that involved RPG and FPS elements combined. Nothing compares to that high. My question is, in your experience, if you have played VR, is it also addicting? Is it really identical to PC gaming? I have found myself playing until 2am what would be considered FPS in Oculus. There are also poker games (not real money, thankfully). I just don't know if I am violating the 90 day period by playing on VR. Is there a difference in the interaction using a keyboard and mouse on a 2d screen and motion controllers in a VR headset? In other words, is this gaming? I am certain that some VR experiences would not be considered gaming, like sculpting and exercise (like boxing against a full size opponent, scary) What is your opinion?
  8. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    I am definitely experiencing withdrawals, even after several days. Today I felt empty and tired. I also suffered another round of headaches. I'm just trying to push through right now. It's good to be able to share this with everyone. I am grateful for: A beautiful day Good friends Hope Faith Love Good wine This program Smart people who are insightful who helped me understand things better today Honest people who spoke their mind today
  9. padreman

    JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is helping me too. I just got started last week. Looking forward to hearing more! I'm also going to exercise tomorrow....for the first time in several months. I worked out for several years, from 12 years old until I was 37. Why did I stop? You guessed it. Gaming. I've gamed before but still managed to work out. For some reason, this time, perhaps because of my age and tolerance, I gamed HARD CORE. But no more. I'm 39 now but I will be getting back into the exercise routine. Thank you for your example.
  10. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    The rest of the day has been tough. I didn't feel the craving to game but I feel the craving to go buy things, another addiction of mine. It sucks. But I watched module 5 tonight and it was very helpful. I also spent about 40 minutes in prayer and contemplation. I always find strength in my faith. I am grateful for: 1. My faith 2. My intelligence 3. My family that I will be seeing for Thanksgiving 4. My associate who helps me with my work 5. The new chapel we are building nearby 6. My fish 7. My computers 8. My 3d printer 9. My visit this last weekend with a close friend of mine 10. This really great keyboard I think I'm ready for bed now, lol.
  11. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    Thank you so much. I begin this morning with a lot of hope.
  12. padreman

    My journey

    Thank you for sharing all of this. Hearing the journey of someone who is a lot farther than me really helps. I also experienced similar circumstances in my childhood and turned to other addictions, from which I have stayed sober for a year. Now I'm working at gaming. The "clearing" that happens after ceasing addicting behavior results in that awareness of deeper feelings. Man, that is tough. But I remember that they were always there, causing misery in the form of addiction. At least this way, with the bad feelings, I can actually do what the better part of myself wants to do. Keep it up and go easy on yourself my friend.
  13. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    So far so good. It has definitely been a VERY difficult transition. I was literally feeling sad all day, every day, since Thursday. But today I feel a lot better. It's like a funk just lifted. I've experienced detox from other addictions, so I know what it's like. Now for the long grind.
  14. padreman

    A Texan's journal

    This is day one and I writing this journal just to get it started tonight. Today was a very tough day. I am putting my high fps monitor up for sale to help invest in another hobby (3d printing). But I also have my guitar that I can pick up. I haven't touched it once in almost a year, because of the gaming. Tonight it really helped. The modules are great and it is helping me take action.
  15. Hello all. I am starting today to give up gaming. This is super tough after I deleted/locked out all of my gaming accounts. But I am also excited because I am beginning to look at how much more I can do in life. I'm glad to be with you guys.