Journal

[taichi]

Day 2

Caught a cold from the sudden drop in temperature. Yesterday was a lot of sleeping.

Hoping I can fortify my frail body slowly. Any kind of proper exercise feels very much out of my reach

 

2 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Games are not the root of all evil. Removing them from your life is no guarantee for progress. You making an effort is what creates progress ? It's just that games are kind of in the way of that or at least slow that down significantly.

Yes. From the other 20-day-ish streaks I had, I understand that just counting the days doesn't magically move me forward.

[taichi]

Day 3

Stayed up reading until 4 am. Body feels fucked up.

[taichi]

Day 4

Haven't felt good for a long time. Better find some positivity that isn't far-fetched.

Did some squats, push-ups and 3 kg dumbbells. This feels nice.

Also watched Berkeley's CS 61A up to lesson 4. Then had a nosebleed.

Edited August 22, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 5

Body's wrecked but in a happy way. Gonna keep training & studying.

Did a bit of leg-lifting-while-laying-down, whatever that's actually called. That was all for the training today.

Watched Berkeley CS 61A up to lesson 11. Skipped 5 and 6 because that was a guest lecture.

Edited August 22, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 6

Been sleeping poorly these few days. Dreams are either life-threateningly dangerous or deeply embarrassing. Maybe make a nighttime routine after 11 pm.

Today's exercise was some push-ups, squats, and a core strength anti rotation thing.

Watched Berkeley CS 61A up to lesson 16.

Edited August 23, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 7

Well I played a game. For about 40 minutes. Not really bothered about that, because I enjoy learning computer science much more.

Watched Berkeley CS 61A up to lesson 22.

I need to learn how to rest, because apparently I never did. Resting is essential to living a healthy life, that much I know.

Met up with friends from uni music circle. It was great to open up about my situation.

Edited August 25, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 8

Feeling refreshed.

Also very tired from staying out late yesterday. Made my bed for some quality sleep.

Edited August 25, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 9

Not entirely rested, maybe take it easy today.

 

Somehow feeling even more fucked up now.

I'm thinking it's exhaustion. On Tuesday I was already pushing myself, and then 4 days of proper hard work.

Resting must come in rhythms, and one ancient rhythm of rest is the 7 days of the week.

This rhythm is absent in my current way of life. Rest was well overdue.

 

I'm going to take some days of rest, see if I can wake up refreshed again.

The good thing is that I have a passion to pursue, which is learning how to code.

If it gives me a few mental breakdowns on the way, I wouldn't mind.

Edited August 26, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 10

Couldn't sleep till 3 am. Feeling restless.

 

Had a walk outside. Don't regret it but it was not resting.

Considering taking a year off from uni.

Edited August 27, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 11

Still sleeping poorly. Starting to get used to that.

Decided to join a internet/game addiction recovery program.

[taichi]

Day 12

Stayed over at an old friend's house.

I guess I only half meant it when I said seeing uni friends was great.

This was just great.

[taichi]

Day 13

It says Veteran beneath my name, and I'm still struggling greatly.

Goes to demonstrate how fierce the addiction is.

 

Talked to my prof at uni. I am deeply grateful for his kindness and understanding.

Edited August 30, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 14

Feeling like my brain has become that heavy rubber ball thing for training back strength.

 

Reading "The Power of Habit".

I hate how the book is mainly about business and leadership, but Part One was relevant af.

Edited August 31, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Kind-of read "The Power of Habit". Skipped most of the hospitals, supermarkets, and black rights movement chapters.

• Complicated tasks can become automatic because our brains are like that.
• We are always peeking for a cue, and when it arrives the autopilot kicks in. Once done, the usual reward is confirmed and reinforces the habit.
• Habits don't really disappear. Modify them by following the existing cues with carefully crafted new routines.

That much was relevant to the title.

• When making a change, you need to believe it is possible.
• Structure your life so the small wins keep you advancing.

Not really habit-related, but great advice.

Edited September 1, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 15

Feeling tired.

Edited September 2, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 16

Body hurts all over but feeling calm.

 

The habit book left me confused. Maybe go back and read just Part One.

 

Caught a cold. I wish I was better at handling sudden temperature changes. Need a proper set of morning habits.

Also I tend to relapse when I get sick. Maybe I'm bad at handling sickness too.

Edited September 2, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 17

A little less sick than yesterday.

Followed my mother's advice to wake up in the morning. Realized I don't have a working alarm clock, need to get one to make this consistent.

 

Tried to study and got more sick. I'm terrible at being sick.

Edited September 3, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 18

Still very sick. Alarm clock arrives later today.

[taichi]

Day 19

Feeling well.

Woke up at 7:55. I like this. Enough time to do a little stretch, and then it's 8:00.

 

Studied a bit and decided to take a break, watched a few videos and got totally distracted.

Somehow feeling a bit sick once again. Am I going to be sick for life?

Edited September 5, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

Day 20

Maybe I'm experiencing a "gaming flatline", and this current shitty state is my brain re-balancing.

I would like to believe that.

Edited September 6, 2018 by taichi

[Deku]

I think it's totally normally to get sick when adjusting to an extremely new lifestyle. You're going from a loooong time spent gaming straight to cold turkey, so there's bound to be some adverse effects. Make sure to eat something, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep tonight! If you're feeling really sick feel free to take a couple Ibuprofen pills as well. Feel better soon @taichi !

[taichi]

Day 21

Still feeling like shit. Feeling like shit that's been shat on.

 

On 9/6/2018 at 11:27 AM, Deku said:

I think it's totally normally to get sick when adjusting to an extremely new lifestyle. You're going from a loooong time spent gaming straight to cold turkey, so there's bound to be some adverse effects. Make sure to eat something, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep tonight! If you're feeling really sick feel free to take a couple Ibuprofen pills as well. Feel better soon @taichi !

YES ? the principles for a healthy mind. Eat, hydrate, maybe exercise a bit, sleep.

I've decided I'll just stick to the basics, and things will get nicer as long as I don't relapse. Thanks for your support.

[taichi]

Day 22

Off to a family trip to Russia. days 23, 24 will be offline.

[taichi]

Day 25

Back to Tokyo.

The entire trip was physically and mentally overwhelming, having to learn Russian phrases and interacting with local people, walking up and down towns full of slopes.

I am really really tired now.

[taichi]

Day 26

Still quite tired. Things around me are slowly turning. Rest is first priority.

 

Feeling the urge. I'm reminded how good I am at convincing myself to play games.

I probably ought to have a plan to stay sane. Tomorrow is a visit to the gaming addiction clinic so that's good.

Edited September 12, 2018 by taichi