Journal

[taichi]

Day 1

The urge to game is overwhelming. Not feeling energy to do much.

Edited May 14, 2018 by taichi

[16030669g]

stay strong men, maybe u need to modify the environment to help u get away from this. Environment could be our biggest enemy or the strongest alliance. 

[taichi]

Day 2 - morning

Learned how to block websites from the /etc/hosts file. Blocked YouTube and Twitch for a start.

Expressed how I am feeling to my family.

Feeling a lot better already, must stay sane.

[taichi]

9 hours ago, 16030669g said:

stay strong men, maybe u need to modify the environment to help u get away from this. Environment could be our biggest enemy or the strongest alliance. 

Thank you 16030669g!

My environment is looking stronger than ever. I have banished the iPhone and the Windows PC from my home.

[taichi]

Day 2 - evening

Explained my situation in detail to my mother. I am grateful of her support.

Meant to go to college but ended up not going today. Body is feeling frail.

<written around 11:50 pm yesterday while forums were down>

[taichi]

Day 3 - 9:50 am

Still thinking a lot about the mmo. How I could stream it and make videos about it.

A part of me thinks that is a good idea, that is the part of me that wants to play games forever.

 

Showered and had breakfast, also shaved a week's worth of beard. Must get myself to college.

[taichi]

Day 3 - 5:10 pm

Back from college. A constant feeling of restlessness and being unfulfilled.

[taichi]

Day 4 - 8:00 am

College.

[taichi]

Day 5 - 9:40 am

Feeling nicer. Day off from college.

[taichi]

Day 6 - 8:50 am

Starting to find the mental space to relax. It's good to go outside everyday.

[taichi]

Day 7 - 9:30 am

1 week! Still quite tempted to go back to my mmo. Not for now I guess.

[taichi]

Day 7 - 10:25

Considering what to do once I return to the mmo.

Let's see how the new week plays out.

[taichi]

Day 8 - 7:30 am

Feeling much nicer waking up in the morning. Also feeling more ok about myself.

[taichi]

Day 9 - 7:10 am

Waking myself up with a set of stretches. I would like my body to be stronger + more flexible.

[taichi]

Day 10 - 2:20 pm

I would love to stay in Kathmandu for a while. Nepali food is exceptional.

[taichi]

Day 11 - 8:20 am

Reading material for class.

[taichi]

Day 12 - 8:50 am

Feeling frail and weak. Must build up my body bit by bit.

[taichi]

Shit. Day 0.

The summer heat is making everything seem impossible.

[taichi]

Acting on my tasks is the most relaxing thing, I suppose.

But I can't help feeling paralyzed now that my major tasks are 1) thesis and 2) job hunt. 

1) Thesis: I am utterly lost on this. Have a few books that I would like to read, but can't find in myself the energy to do that. Not even sure if I can extract a thesis from these books.

2) Job hunting: I do not possess the confidence or mental strength to expose myself to blunt evaluation. I am 2 years late on graduation (if ever) because of my own shortcomings.

[taichi]

Thank you for the reply, Phoenixking.

I tried a "3 hours of games a day" thing, but found out I wasn't enjoying the game much anyway.

Must not forget how drained and dimwitted I feel after playing video games.

My body needs exercise, not sedentary pleasure.

[sskieller]

Have you bought the Respawn course and tried that? I feel like you could benefit from reading that and committing to it. Other than that I hope you will figure it out. Good luck 

[taichi]

Thanks. Just purchased it.

Feeling too tired right now to act on it. I'll try to do the activities worksheet tomorrow.

[taichi]

Day 2

Updated my environment: Only 60 mins of viewpure.com per day. ColdTurkey Pro is pure gold.

*edit*

My ColdTurkey schedule is something like...

0 mins of: YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, most other distracting stuff, game I used to play, porn sites

60 mins of: Viewpure (a compromise for the occasional need to watch a video only on YouTube.)

Edited July 6, 2018 by taichi

[taichi]

MENTALLY ENGAGING:

• Sociology reading/writing.
• Python.
• Workouts.

RESTING:

• Reading.
• Guitar & singing.
• Cooking.
• Walk in the green.

SOCIAL:

• Volunteer clean ups.

[taichi]

Day 4

Feeling nice.