fil Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Game free: 7 daysSoda free: 8 daysJunk food free: 3 days relapseI also track 'being-free' days! Once I started doing it became much harder to relapse just because of breaking streak.I use https://chains.cc/ to track all my streaks (my longest one is 127 days now). Let me know if you've created your own chains, if yes then we could create a group and see eachothers progress Edited January 31, 2017 by fil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Pharmacist Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I've also sort of implemented hycniejsy golden hours tactic. Thanks for the inspiration. Before I study, I commit myself to one hour of concentrated studying. I say it out loud. After the hour I take a break, and repeat. To be completely honest, I have not worked for one hour straight today, I need more breaks still. The moment I stare at my wall for a minute or so, I know I need a tiny break. But it's working and I'll get better at it. And it's much easier committing myself to one hour at a time, then committing in the morning for 6 or more that day.That's awesome, I'm just proud of you!I need about 5 years to realise that 1 golden hour of 100% focused time is worth much more than those 6 or more hours of grinding the same activity.You can always try the easier version at the beginning called pomodoros. 25 minutes of 100% work, 5 minutes of break and agair 25 minutes, and then 10 minutes of break Hope this will help.Once you implement this, I'll give you next tip to improve productivity. Btw. Can't wait to see your reports from Beyond program! Greetings, Mad Pharmacist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Day 42--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 8 daysSoda free: 9 daysJunk food free: 4 days -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- @filIt looks good, but also very distracting for me. I am happy keeping track of streaks here. @hycniejsyThis is like the 5th time someone reminds me of Pomodoro method But I like how things work now so I'm going to stick with it.Btw, I've been reading up on your earlier journals. It's really useful for me; so glad you typed all that! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are beginning to form tiny cracks in my great mood. The weather has been grey the whole day, just like yesterday. I rather have real rain then this drizzle all day long. There's just no end to the greyness. It's useless to let my mood get ruined by something no one has any influence over, but it's still happening even though I am aware of it. Also, my ankle is hurting for mysterious reasons. I have no clue what I did to cause it, but it's making me a bit cranky. Again, I have no real influence over this, but it's still affecting my mood. And then the cat attacked me this morning, bloody bastard. I saw he immediately regretted his decision, but alas too late. He's enjoying the rainy outdoors until he has remembered who's boss. I have been quite productive. A bit easily distracted, but I've kept myself on track. I kept a timer on my breaks today. At one point I worked 2 hours and had paused for 1 hour. So I was a bit more strict on taking breaks after that and compensated. Last week I read one of the inspirational quotes I wrote down at the beginning of my detox: The biggest risk is not taking any. I've been thinking about this and realized I hate to take risks. I simply don't. I'd rather stay safe and at home then confront myself with well, most things really. Meeting (new) people, trying new things, I don't do much of that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (10/20 hours)-swimming laps (0/2 times)-read Art of War and summarize (2/5 chapters)-positive affirmation (2/7 times)-go to any social event/meeting (0/1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for:-blender-family-fruit-music-books-waterbottle-desk Edited January 31, 2017 by Mhyrion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
destoroyah Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) The biggest risk is not taking any.Ach, quotes. They are annoying, pretending to be always true. You gotta find your own truth, don't stress yourself being something you're not, seek in the inside what makes your heart beat and stop. If you're more the quiet sensitive type, keep it cozy! Edited January 31, 2017 by destoroyah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Pharmacist Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 @hycniejsyThis is like the 5th time someone reminds me of Pomodoro method But I like how things work now so I'm going to stick with it.Btw, I've been reading up on your earlier journals. It's really useful for me; so glad you typed all that!Well, to be honest I hate pomodoros, there are too short for me, and I don't recommend that.It's better that you decided to stick to golden hours - you reminded me how boring for me was lecture which lasts for over 2 hours because I was disciplined to pay attention for golden hour. But now I'm able to pay attention for that long and take notes consistently, unless I don't get enough sleep/nutrition. -blenderMy life improver today (+10 points to healthy diet due to making shakes from fresh fruit! Greetings, Mad Pharmacist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 Day 43--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 9 daysSoda free: 10 daysJunk food free: 5 days -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early post, might not have time later today. Went for a swim yesterday. Decided on 24 laps, did 26. My legs felt like spaghetti when I got out of the pool, but I do not have nearly as much muscle pain as the last time. Progress. On a scale from how bad my music taste is to 10, my focus scores a solid Family Force 5 - Business Up Front, Party In The Back (Full Album). So pretty bad. I did work for 2 hours, but not as concentrated as I would've liked and making a lot of silly mistakes. So slow. Some drawings are starting to look pretty decent, others are still pretty shite and many are not yet finished. Need me some focus. Still have till Friday morning to finish what I'm working on, so I should be alright. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (12/20 hours)-swimming laps (1/2 times, 26 laps)-read Art of War and summarize (3/5 chapters)-positive affirmation (3/7 times)-go to any social event/meeting (0/1) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Pharmacist Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 On a scale from how bad my music taste is to 10, my focus scores a solid Family Force 5 - Business Up Front, Party In The Back (Full Album). So pretty bad. I did work for 2 hours, but not as concentrated as I would've liked and making a lot of silly mistakes. So slow. Some drawings are starting to look pretty decent, others are still pretty shite and many are not yet finished. Need me some focus. Still have till Friday morning to finish what I'm working on, so I should be alright.Don't say you're working too slow.It's all a progress. You need time to improve your concentration enough to have better score after 2 hours.It is like "no pain no gain", but how otherwise there will be difference from lazy and hard-working people? Greetings, Mad Pharmacist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Day 44--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 10 daysSoda free: 11 daysJunk food free: 4 days. 0 I didn't really accomplish much yesterday, except going to a social event. It was a prophetic midday with church members at someone's home. It was interesting but also extremely exhausting. There were more people then I expected and it took way longer too. I regret going all out on the cookies. I restrained myself for about 2 hours, but that was all I could muster. Actually got sick from eating so much. Felt really stupid about that. Today was quite productive. Talked a lot with other students, had a good time. One of the teachers was also present so also received feedback from him, which was a nice bonus. When I got home I have made my introduction video for Beyond. Never filmed my face before and put it out there. It felt somewhere between exciting and terrifying. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (16.5/20 hours)-swimming laps (2/2 times, 52 laps)-read Art of War and summarize (3/5 chapters)-positive affirmation (3/7 times)-go to any social event/meeting (1/1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for:-streetlights-sunshine-shower Edited February 2, 2017 by Mhyrion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 When I got home I have made my introduction video for Beyond. Never filmed my face before and put it out there. It felt somewhere between exiting and terrifying.You did a fabulous job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) Day 45--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 11 daysSoda free: 12 daysJunk food free: 1 day Yesterday I used the last of my energy to drag my ass to the swimming pool. I was very tired but swimming was great. I also didn't have spaghetti legs or any muscle pain today, so I can do more laps next week. When I got home, I was too tired to do anything. Felt like a bit of a waste of my time to watch episodes, but I also felt like I pushed myself far enough. Sleep was sweet. Today I woke up very nostalgic for games. Maybe it´s because I was pretty low on energy. It's interesting to see that I am mostly nostalgic for the time I first started playing. Those where magic times of exploring and learning how the game works. I hardly ever long for what that evolved in: binge gaming and farming. It's good to see the difference. I don't think I can ever get the same sense of exploration and learning again in games. Anyway, low energy normally means low defenses and bad decisions. My brain knows. I haven't crashed yet, but I feel like I should tread carefully. It's good I have this awareness. I was glad I had the laser cutter scheduled for this morning to keep me busy. Watching the laser do it's job is pretty relaxed work and it's nice to see the drawings come to life. I'm not entirely satisfied with the results though, so I have to put in some more work refining some of the drawings and making it work for the laser and with the rest of the parts I already made. I'm starting to get really hyped for Beyond. It's nice to see the intro videos coming in. I feel like, reflecting on what kind of people surround me now, a lot of them are not really inspiring or driven. That needs to change. The people at the academy -at least the ones close to me- are generally low on motivation and drive, it's really dragging me down with them. I don't want that. I am starting to feel motivated to cut my slack as a designer and start creating beautiful things again. Graphic design can become my new grounds of exploration. Great people around me will help with this a lot. I was thinking why things got so out of hand past Wednesday with the junk food. I know that after one cookie, there's no stopping me. So if I prevent the first cookie, I prevent all cookies. Up till now I have focused on awareness; where am I going today and will there be any temptations to prepare for. But I did that quite extensive before I left, so that didn't go wrong. I also wasn't hungry and didn't really pay attention to other people eating the sweets as well. I have to figure out how to do this better the next time, but I feel a bit clueless how to improve on this right now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (20.5/20 hours)-swimming laps (2/2 times, 52 laps)-read Art of War and summarize (3/5 chapters)-positive affirmation (4/7 times)-go to any social event/meeting (1/1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for:-laser cutter-the smell of burned cardboard-trains-peace and quiet-facebook-coffee Edited February 3, 2017 by Mhyrion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fil Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 1.I feel like, reflecting on what kind of people surround me now, a lot of them are not really inspiring or driven. That needs to change. The people at the academy -at least the ones close to me- are generally low on motivation and drive, it's really dragging me down with them. I don't want that. I am starting to feel motivated to cut my slack as a designer and start creating beautiful things again. Graphic design can become my new grounds of exploration. Great people around me will help with this a lot.2.I was thinking why things got so out of hand past Wednesday with the junk food. I know that after one cookie, there's no stopping me. So if I prevent the first cookie, I prevent all cookies. Up till now I have focused on awareness; where am I going today and will there be any temptations to prepare for. But I did that quite extensive before I left, so that didn't go wrong. I also wasn't hungry and didn't really pay attention to other people eating the sweets as well. I have to figure out how to do this better the next time, but I feel a bit clueless how to improve on this right now.1. There is a quote which pushed me the the same conclusion. You're The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time WithVery clever, huh? It makes me to think now how do I contribute to others people life? Am I the one who brings someone down or up? Dropping your 'bad' social circle is good decision but it's easy to get into loniless trap and I have no idea how to avoid it. I can't build meaningful relationsships with valuable people as I always think of myself as the one who brings them down2."So if I prevent the first cookie, I prevent all cookies" - Awesome you've realized it! How you can prevent eating just one cookie a day? I've also seen you joined GQ group on chains.cc. Glad to see you there! Congratz on almost 2 weeks gaming-free streak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Day 47--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 13 daysSoda free: 14 daysJunk food free: 3 day -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The weekend has been good till now, pretty productive too. I cleaned my house, did tons of laundry and made the best smoothie thus far. I'm going to be a smoothie expert, ha. I am still very tired though, I hoped to refill my batteries a lot more. On the Beyond call we talked about becoming aware of your feelings and accepting them. The awareness part has certainly been improving, but accepting my moods is more difficult. I know and live by the fact that I have emotions, and that they do not define me. By accepting them, it feels like I let them define me anyway. I also would like to have more stable moods. Some days I go from one extreme to another within a matter of minutes, it's hard to manage for me. It's also annoying for people close to me because it makes me unpredictable. During the call I also realized that a lot of my goals are pretty unspecific. I feel like a lot of the things I want are also connected in one way or another. I want to study for 40 hours a week, right now I do about 20 hours. To work more hours I firstly need the energy to do so. I do not have the energy to study 40 hours a week yet, so I need to find ways to improve that. I've started exercising and have been eating way healthier then I used to. I feel the effects of that, but I realize it's also a progress. I can't go from coach-potato to decent healthy body in a week. So I need to be consistent and build up to that. Secondly, I need emotional control over myself to study more hours. I can't be distracted for an entire day and still study 40 hours a week. To improve this I've started several things to stay more positive, like positive affirmation and a gratitude list. Then there's procrastination, which is a big blockade. I've been working on the organizing part by making a big to-do list for my study and make a to-do list per day. But I'm still pretty clueless how long things take and there's a lot of factors that influence how quickly I can get things done. Momentum I've started on working too, normally by doing something non-study related to feel good about myself and get it of the to-do list. Like, doing the dishes or something silly like that. And then the emotional thing I already wrote about. It's a bit of a cascade, and kind of confused about what's influencing what, what should take priority. I'll figure it out though. I can't expect to make sense of my life within 1.5 month after neglecting it for so long. I'm also finding that the fine line between pushing myself and crashing is a bit blurry. Am I being lazy or would I otherwise push myself too far? I've prevented myself from crashing for almost 2 weeks now, which is amazing, and I really want to continue this way. I am also mentally preparing myself for the slap in my face from hormones that's due this week. It's hard to be consistent with that piled up on everything else. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (0/22 hours)-swimming laps (0/2 times)-read Art of War and summarize (0/4 chapters)-positive affirmation (0/7 times)-work non-specific goals into specific goals (0/1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for:-Beyond-hubby-shower-smoothie-salad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
destoroyah Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) Beyond call we talked about becoming aware of your feelings and accepting them. The awareness part has certainly been improving, but accepting my moods is more difficult. I know and live by the fact that I have emotions, and that they do not define me. By accepting them, it feels like I let them define me anyway. I also would like to have more stable moods. Some days I go from one extreme to another within a matter of minutes, it's hard to manage for me. It's also annoying for people close to me because it makes me unpredictable.I really recommend this book: The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho, you can listen to it on YouTube when making your next smoothie. I promise, if you listen to it, shit will be better in 3-5 years. A long shot, but I'm pretty sure. Edited February 5, 2017 by destoroyah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 Day 48--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 14 daysSoda free: 15 daysJunk food free: 3 day 0 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today was a good, but not so productive day. I've visited the Studio where I had my internship. It was so good! I got a copy of the book with a lot of graphics I worked on, quite happy with that. She even hinted at future work, but we'll see about that. She didn't sound very certain of her plans yet. Anyway, all of that was great, but I also had 4 hours of travel time and came home very tired. I hope I can make up for the lost study hours during the rest of the week. Oh, I also ate a cookie while there, so broke my no junk food commitment again. I just immediately said yes when asked if I wanted a cookie, didn't feel like backing out was really an option after that. I did enjoy it tho I tried focusing on my breath for the first time today, to get calm and focus on my mood. My brain was too sceptical about it. I was like, having a 2 way conversation about it in my head, one part of me willing to try it, another part of me rolling her eyes and sighing. So, didn't really work out for me today, but I will try again tomorrow. Otherwise I have to look up another method to get in touch with my feelings better. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (3.5/22 hours)-swimming laps (0/2 times)-read Art of War and summarize (0/4 chapters)-positive affirmation (1/7 times)-work non-specific goals into specific goals (0/1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for:-Beyond-trains-the toddler on the train that kept me awake on the journey back-bike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I tried focusing on my breath for the first time today, to get calm and focus on my mood. My brain was too sceptical about it. I was like, having a 2 way conversation about it in my head, one part of me willing to try it, another part of me rolling her eyes and sighing. So, didn't really work out for me today, but I will try again tomorrow. Otherwise I have to look up another method to get in touch with my feelings better.This will feel uncomfortable at first because it's something new. But our breath is life. It's one of the most essential parts of our entire being. Most people don't know how to connect with our breath, but our breath is powerful. Taking 3 deep breaths inhale counting 1, 2, 3, pause, exhale counting 3, 2, 1 can help alleviate most anxiety! Really amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fil Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Oh, I also ate a cookie while there, so broke my no junk food commitment again. I just immediately said yes when asked if I wanted a cookie, didn't feel like backing out was really an option after that. I did enjoy it tho @Mhyrion, so you did stop after taking one cookie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 Oh, I also ate a cookie while there, so broke my no junk food commitment again. I just immediately said yes when asked if I wanted a cookie, didn't feel like backing out was really an option after that. I did enjoy it tho @Mhyrion, so you did stop after taking one cookie?I did! But mostly because we had lunch right after. If it would've been a bowl with cookies I could grab off what I'd liked, I can't say it would've been only 1 cookie. I normally prevent cookies by just not buying them (strong tactics here :P), but when they are offered by someone else it's a whole different situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fil Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Oh, I also ate a cookie while there, so broke my no junk food commitment again. I just immediately said yes when asked if I wanted a cookie, didn't feel like backing out was really an option after that. I did enjoy it tho @Mhyrion, so you did stop after taking one cookie?I did! But mostly because we had lunch right after. If it would've been a bowl with cookies I could grab off what I'd liked, I can't say it would've been only 1 cookie. I normally prevent cookies by just not buying them (strong tactics here :P), but when they are offered by someone else it's a whole different situation.This is so awesome, you should be proud of yourself! Last time you couldn't stop after eating one, now you've controled yourself - that's a huge progress! Look, this situation could go much worse. You could just screw your not buying cookies rule and buy one pack on your way home - you didn't do it Next time I'm sure you'll hit 1 week streak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Oh, I also ate a cookie while there, so broke my no junk food commitment again.Haha! You did the right thing! Not worth it to make it weird by turning down one cookie (not that there's anything wrong with weird, but one cookie doesn't make much difference and I tend to be suspicious about people who turn down cookies). I'm also on a Don't buy junk food challenge, but I will gladly accept a cookie whenever offered.Anyway, you make your rules, but I wouldn't even reset the no junk food chain just for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Day 49--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 15 daysSoda free: 16 daysJunk food free: 0 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yesterday evening I tried the breathing exercise again. Had music on, I thought that might be less awkward to start with. But I got totally focused on the music instead of me. -PERHAPS metal was not the best choice either- Oh well, not the desired effect, but I liked it anyway. It's interesting that I find this awkward, while I compliment myself out loud in the mirror ever morning. If I don’t have a problem with my face why would I still have awkwardness over my breath? The mind is an interesting thing. Anyway, today was almost a total waste. Well no, I can learn from failure. Ok, today was a failure but I choose now not to let it go to waste. I woke up tired today, and after my morning routine and dishes, I already felt exhausted. I worked for half an hour or so, decided that I needed to get energy somehow. I ate a banana and went for a walk. Didn't really help. I tried the breathing exercise again, but all that did was focus myself on my body and my body felt like shit today. Ok, focus on your mind, focus on your feelings. I felt frustrated. Frustrated because I can't get done what I want to get done, because I'm low on energy, because my body is hurting. Ok, now calm down. What was the next step? Accept your feelings. (…) Mhyr used Accept. It hurt itself in it's confusion! (…) So today, I ended up in my I-don't-give-a-fuck-imma-create-a-nice-safe-bubble-for-myself-and-ignore-my-commitments-and-duties-to-the-best-of-my-abilities-mode. In all honesty, I give a lot of fucks. Loads. That's why this whole thing is so frustrating to me. And when my hubby comes home after work, I can't stay in my bubble either. And I funnel my negative energy on him. I feel like I did a decent job avoiding that though. And I can safely say this bad day wasn't near as bad as bad days used to be. It still feels stupid, because I've been mentally preparing for a bad day for half a week or more now, and it still feels like a surprise. Anyway, running away from my problems only adds to them. I know this, I just don't feel like that and it's hard to act on knowledge if your feelings are violently against it. What I want to figure out, to make this a learning experience rather than only a failure, is what triggered my bad mood and what activities I can try to do next time to have a less bad day. I think very low energy-levels triggered my bad day, but I'm wondering whether that's all or there are other causes. I'll reflect on that. Thinking of all this, I've now decided that I want to be a warrior (this week and forevermore). Warriors fight till the end, even without a lot of energy left. And if they have little energy, they spend it wisely. I want to be strong and faithful to my commitments. I know I have a fighting spirit within me, I'm just very good at hiding too. Goals this week:-study concentrated (5.5/22 hours)-swimming laps (0/2 times)-read Art of War and summarize (1/4 chapters)-positive affirmation (2/7 times)-work non-specific goals into specific goals (0/1) I'm grateful for:-supportive hubby-Hitaru-cat-swimming pool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I think very low energy-levels triggered my bad day, but I'm wondering whether that's all or there are other causes. I'll reflect on that.Reflecting on what contributes to your energy levels is huge. For instance, I used to eat a lot of sugary-gluten-filled-food and if I do that now, I can feel all the energy zap out of my body. Changing my diet and learning more about how different foods affected me and my energy was a huge game changer. This will all be different for different people as well.One simple one you can look at is how much water are you drinking on average per day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 Day 51--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 17 daysSoda free: 18 daysJunk food free: 2 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just when I was glad I bounced back so quickly from a bad day, my hubby was there to fuck things up. If there´s one person on the whole planet I don't want to hear from he thinks I am going to fail and that the methods I use are inadequate and that I'm am progressing too slowly, it's from him. Seriously unhelpful, extremely negative and it made me quite mad. Like, I wanna punch peoples faces right now, I'm so mad. Being mad is also unhelpful though, so I hope I cool down by writing this and then proceed to be productive. I tried breathing slowly but my head was like I am not going to breathe slowly right now you motherfucker. Okay okay, I guess we're not going to breathe slowly then. So we write. Anyway, the whole point is -I think- that my hubby is disappointed that I am not doing anything with christianity anymore. And that is understandable. We married based on faith, and now I'm questioning it and not making up my mind. But there's a ton of things to take into consideration. I don't want to go back and make the same mistakes again, that's not only rather painful but that will be the end of it for me as well. And if I hear one more prophesy about me being surrounded by children / having children / teaching children, I have a hard time taking anything seriously anymore. I do not, for the life of me, want children. I can tolerate them near me, sometimes they're even cute or funny, but I don't want to be responsible for any child and I certainly don't want a whole group of children around me. Just no. If that's Gods plan for my life, I don't want it. Anyway, my hubby pressuring me and talking me down isn't going to help me to get perspective. It's certainly not going to make me progress any faster. I agreed to go to a worship evening together, not sure if I really want to go but I'll roll with it. Now off to being productive today. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (10.5/22 hours)-swimming laps (1/2 times, 30 laps)-read Art of War and summarize (1/4 chapters)-positive affirmation (3/7 times)-work non-specific goals into specific goals (0/1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm grateful for:-phone-winter-water bottle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fil Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) I'm proud that you haven't broke your soda/junk food/gaming free commitment in very unhelpful circumstences. Stay strong, @mhyrion! Edited February 9, 2017 by fil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Pharmacist Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 I'm just getting more and more proud of you.I'll study for 3 hours a day, starting today, even though I have a winter holidays I need to study, to not fail first 3 colloquiums in next 3 weeks.What do you think about studying challenge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mhyrion Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 Day 51--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Game free: 17 daysSoda free: 18 daysJunk food free: 2 (I should have a triple strikethrough option) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- @fil Wow, I didn't see your amazing picture yet! Anyhow, thanks for your support. I appreciate it! I'm just getting more and more proud of you.I'll study for 3 hours a day, starting today, even though I have a winter holidays I need to study, to not fail first 3 colloquiums in next 3 weeks.What do you think about studying challenge? I'm not sure If I understand what you mean. Studying challenge = study 3 hours a day? Or..?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The no junk food thing is starting to get on my nerves. Every time I have no more energy left I'm like Fuck it, I don't have any energy to fuck up any way, might as well buy that chocolate bar and eat it in one go. It's sickening. Literally and figuratively. Like yo, there's more days in a week. Who knows, maybe this fucks over tomorrow real good. There's some hormones at play as well right now, but they are not the boss of me. Just terribly annoying and distracting and my brain really doesn’t get the 'belly is full'-sign during these days. You've just eaten the equivalent of breakfast ánd lunch at 7 am? How about some soup as well? Carrots? Crackers? Maybe a fried egg? Anyway, junk food and overeating are unhealthy, no matter how you look at it. To make the no junk food part easier on myself I hereby commit to no junk food for only 7 days (instead of no junk food forevermore). I can do that. 7 days, no chips, no chocolate, no excessive amounts of cheese, I’m having none of that. I need this body to function well. Today I had a nice chat with Hitaru. I come to much insights talking with him, it's great. We talked about being tired and how to prevent that. Today the discussion with my hubby and the emotions that lingered thereafter where a drain on my energy. When I went home I felt like I was walking like a zombie, I closed my eyes for seconds to take micro naps, I could not do anything anymore. I procrastinated for hours when I got home. I can't even remember what I did, probably something useless like watching YT. Until the moment came I realized I wanted to be like a warrior this week. Would I warrior give up? No. Would she try to still be productive? Yes. Would she try to come up with tactics to win the next similar battle? Yes. (This sounds childish to me, but whatever works works) So, that's what I was going to do. I stopped giving up. I have been productive for another hour. And I came up with a tactic to be more successful in my next battle with tiredness, thanks to Hitaru. I already have several methods that help me give energy, like going for a walk. But I realized that there is a point of no return in my energy-levels. If I enter my lowest energy level, I am not going to be able to go for a walk anymore. It will not help anymore. So I need to make sure I go walking (or whatever) before I get to that state. I'm sure that like anything else, this will take practice. But I'm glad I know how to proceed now. I'm behind on schedule for study hours, which is a bother. I'm not magically going to be able to focus 7 hours tomorrow, so I'm contemplating whether I want to go for the 22 hours per se, or if I value recharging my batteries on Saturday more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals this week:-study concentrated (15/22 hours)-swimming laps (2/2 times, 59 laps)-read Art of War and summarize (1/4 chapters)-positive affirmation (4/7 times)-work non-specific goals into specific goals (0/1) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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