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Random

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Everything posted by Random

  1. Hi Mhyrion, late congrats on 90 days! Have you tried co-op boardgames with your hubby? I've had a lot of fun with Pandemic with just 2 players, and I'd imagine many other coop's would work just fine for 2.
  2. Hi, congrats on 2 months! My best friend is still into gaming very much. Gaming is even one of the big factors why we became friends in the first place. We are both very OK with the fact that I am no longer gaming and it hasn't deterionated our relationship in any way, the other way around actually. And then out of the blue question since you're a Stoic, do you have any favourite pieces of Stoic teachings or quotes?
  3. Day 165 It's been a while since my last journal entry. I played one round of table tennis on Wii at a party but that's it when it comes to gaming. Working takes the most of my time but other than that my past time is filled with pretty simple activities. I read quite a bit of both fiction and non-fiction, take walks and go jogging, lately I have been learning Python again to program a tool to aid me in investing, watch movies, cook, research new investment opportunities and follow the companies that I am invested in. I still do my mourning routine of a quick mobility exercise and 10 minutes of meditation before leaving for work. That's it, quitting gaming is not a magic pill in itself but it helps tons. For me gaming was like a lifeboat in a pool with dark water. Outside the pool you see all these things you think you would like to experience but you're too afraid to leave the lifeboat because you know you can't swim and can't see the bottom of the pool. Quitting gaming was like jumping into the water, panicking for a while but realizing that your toes actually barely touch the bottom of the pool. It didn't matter that you didn't know how to swim but until that point you had been so scared of the water that it paralyzed you. Slowly and struggling you make your way to the edge of the pool and get out. Now, you're out of the pool, but you're still wet, cold, hungry and exhausted. You no longer have access to the food storages of the lifeboat. So now you're no longer suffering because of the depression and regrets of an unlived life and missed opportunities, now you're suffering because of completely different reasons. Suffering is inevitable but comes in different intensities. Pick your poison carefully. Apparently The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson influenced me more deeply than I thought. One more tip regarding social activities: If you feel like your'e an complete outcast in the world, you just haven't connected yet with the right persons. Even if you were the weirdest person on this planet (weird defined as all your values, habits, humour, well the whole you being furthest from the average on some scale), you would probably be able to connect with the 2nd, 3rd or 4th weirdest persons on the planet. It took me more than 20 years to find persons outside of my family who I connected with so well that I often prefer their company to being alone. I still haven't learned to appreciate noisy groups of people or small talk, but then, why should I (and by now believe me I have tried)? One could say that I could then network better but to serve what purpose? To get more money doing more things I don't enjoy? To be more appreciated by larger number of more people? It would probably make me less appreciated by some people so should I somehow change myself to please different group of people, or stay the way I am and please the same group of people I already did? Anyway, still happy to not be gaming. Will continue on the path.
  4. Day 92 It's been long enough that I've forgotten my dislike towards gaming and now only remember the good parts. I miss the feeling of excitement. It's these moments, after coming home from sports activity with a social component, having eaten, things at work looking pretty good and not much to worry about... Oh dear, this would be the perfect moment to play something. This is the moment when it would feel right to play. But I won't. And now I know again that I am on the right path. In my books, it would be okay to play for an hour now. I would not see any problem if I right now played for an hour. It would probably do me good to play for a moment right now. But my fallacy is that I am thinking in the short term. I've tried and tested it 100 times that I am not able to play in moderation. I just can't do it. Therefore I will not play now. I am now thinking of all the countless of hours in the future where I would be playing when I would like to be doing something else. It's not worth it to play now. Aaaand now I remember all the bad things I disliked about gaming. The urge to play just vanished completely. Oh the joys.
  5. Nice work with the test! I think that core issue is pretty universal in the human species.
  6. Day 80 I'm glad I made it so far and I can only humbly thank the community here. I couldn't do this alone before but now I have almost "completed" the 90-day detox, and still have absolutely no plans of going back to gaming. Lately, I haven't had the power to go for a walk everyday after work. And I think this is okay. When I wasn't working, it was important to get out of the house everyday, but somedays now I don't have the time and energy to take an extra walk (on top of cycling to work). I've stopped doing the 15 minute stretching exercise, but that's just me being lazy. So here's the updated routine list: Daily routines (weekdays only) 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up and before leaving for workAbstain from Anything related to video games (playing, watching videos and streams, reading patch notes, etc)Surfing the web in bedI've surprised myself by not surfing the web with my phone before falling asleep or after waking up at all. I read books instead. Now that I've really got back into reading again, most of the time when I mindlessly surf the web, I get bored of it really fast and it feels like a too big waste of time for something I'm not really enjoying. That's when I switch to reading a book.
  7. Day 63 Two thirds of the detox now gone. I've been reading books much more in my free time again. I can concentrate on a book for long periods and am able to draw a lot of enjoyment out of it. When in gaming mode, I pretty much stop all reading. I was in a birthday party where the main topic of discussion seemed to be video games. It was much like talking about a tv series I haven't watched and have no plot. "X is so good if you can play it, but not many can". "Y played right, you won't even notice him even though he won you the game". I can appreciate talking about games when it's about a good story line, lessons on life, etc, just like I would like to discuss a movie or a book. But I can't get much out of "Champ Z is so OP", "Yes, but champ Y with item O will counter him" if I don't play the game.
  8. Yeah, not literally life changing, as in quitting job or something like that. I just meant there is a huge difference between having 50 k in savings and living paycheck to paycheck. I see 50 k as not having to worry about finances (do I have money for food and next rent at the end of the month) and knowing that even major unexpected expenses won't totally screw me over. And that is life changing to me, mentally. In my country, you only start receiving pension when you actually retire, so we don't ever get to count retirement savings into networth. That might contribute to why I see 50 k as a very large cushion, because most people here will never see that kind of sums in their bank and brokerage accounts combined, not even close.
  9. 50k not a very good cushion? If it's in liquid assets, that 50k cushion is actually pretty life changing when you think about it.
  10. Day 49 And the time just flies by. Occasional cravings to play have entered my mind lately, but nothing to act upon. I guess they're more like fond memories I wish I could experience again, without actually playing. Still no intention to get back to gaming even after detox. I like the freedom to choose my activities and do other things than playing, without the distracting thoughts of "lost gaming time". Been sticking to the same old routines.
  11. Haha! You did the right thing! Not worth it to make it weird by turning down one cookie (not that there's anything wrong with weird, but one cookie doesn't make much difference and I tend to be suspicious about people who turn down cookies). I'm also on a Don't buy junk food challenge, but I will gladly accept a cookie whenever offered. Anyway, you make your rules, but I wouldn't even reset the no junk food chain just for that.
  12. @hycniejsy I agree about the necessity of working on something, but of course the work doesn't necessarily have to be a job in traditional sense. Day 34 It has been smooth sailing when it comes to gaming, no urges to play at all during the last few days. Going back to work was OK as well, it's pretty nice to be around coworkers again. Also got a better work contract with a bit higher salary. No more stress over renewing temporary contract, it's great! I've added a new rule for myself which is no phone in bed. Helps me fall asleep faster in the evening and if I wake up stressed in the early hours, I'll at least get some rest instead of tiring myself even more by surfing the web until it's time to get up. Overall things are looking pretty good at the moment. Daily routines 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking upGo for a walk15 minutes stretching exerciseWeekly routines Go to gym atleast once a weekAbstain from Anything related to video games (playing, watching videos and streams, reading patch notes, etc)Surfing the web in bed
  13. Random

    My Journal

    Great job getting back on track so quickly!
  14. Hey, I agree with you, you do live like an idiot. I live like an idiot too. It's simply idiotic to live like we do. But we can try to be less stupid. I can relate to this way of thinking. But it doesn't make sense. Why would you want to keep repeating the same patterns that you have already tested and know that will lead to unhappiness and mostly depressing life? You have to think, did the idiotic lifestyle bring you happiness in the past. It didn't for me, seems like it hasn't served you that well either, so the only option is to start changing things and testing what kind of life would bring you more feelings of happiness. "Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results".
  15. Glad to see a net worth graph here! From 0 to almost 50k in 2 years and 3 months, impressive!
  16. Hi Alan, Just my personal experience here, but not watching Twitch was a dealbreaker for me. In my previous attemps I would allow myself to watch Twitch and all the attempts ended after a week or two with this exact thought: "I am watching someone play this game. I might as well play it myself." Then play for a while and then try to quit again and repeat all this. How's the Intelligent Investor progressing? Its been about 3 years since I read it but I still remember it definitely wasn't the most engaging investing book I've read.
  17. This is very true. Actually I used to do this quite a bit couple years back and it did indeed work really well. I disliked to study using my laptop so I would go to the uni to study because there I could use actual keyboard and great monitor. Haven't done it ever since I purchased my own keyboard and monitor. Day 25 Wow, the days go fast. Not much difficulties with staying away from games. I have had some very realistic dreams though where I am playing and suddenly realize "DAMN what have I done.", etc. Then I wake up and feel very relieved that I don't need to pay the fine of 100€ to my SO. And after those dreams I absolutely don't want to play in reality. I've been mostly sticking to the daily routines of: 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking upGo for a walk15 minutes stretching exercise+ gym about once a weekI think these are slowly becoming a habit, I don't feel right anymore if I don't do it. And I truly enjoy the activities, escpecially the meditation and walks. I have to say, I was a bit sceptic about the meditation with an app, but I'm a believer now. While I've worked on the thesis here and there, I haven't done it every day, not even close. I'll be returning to work next week and have to work on the thesis on evenings and weekends. At the moment I'm not that worried about the thesis. I don't have real rush with finishing it (other than financial motives). And at least rationally I'm fine with a low grade, so I pretty much need to just write twenty five pages of something. I think I've learned some valuable things during these 2 months of not working. Hopefully I will believe my own writings when I read them in the future. The work is not making me depressed and unhappy. Dropping out of work didn't solve anything like I thought it would. It felt very nice in the beginning to be completely stress free but after that I think my state got worse than it was before.My problems with work come from stressing way too much over everything and dealing with people (aka. social anxiety). So I have to stop ignoring those issues and work on them. Maybe change careers if I still can't handle it. But I need to act on it and not escape the problems (I reached out for help already). I can stop fantasizing about just being home doing nothing because I now learned (again) that it will only hurt me.My lifestyle while working was unsustainable and I will do my best to not fall into the same pattern of pretty much only working and gaming.
  18. Day 17 Daily routine checklist: 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up - DoneGo for a walk - Done15 minutes stretching exercise - DoneWork on thesis for atleast 2 hours. - NopeOverall a very nice day. Enjoying the meditation with headspace more and more. Working on the thesis goal is proving a bit problematic now. Can't be very proud of slacking on it, but I guess it won't help much if I, on top of the slacking, ruin my mood lamenting about it. I'll try again tomorrow and set a little subgoal of 30 minutes. No urges at all to game today. Except boardgames.
  19. Day 16 Missed yesterdays log because I went to a board game event in the afternoon that took much longer than expected. Daily routine checklist: 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up - DoneGo for a walk - Done15 minutes stretching exercise - DoneWork on thesis for atleast 2 hours. - NopeProgressed a bit with getting professional help, I now have an appointment reserved with a psychologist. It's in the end of February though so a bit of patience is needed. Apparently a lot of students are pretty messed up because the que is so long.
  20. Day 15 Just a quick log today. Daily routine checklist: 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up - DoneGo for a walk - Done15 minutes stretching exercise - DoneWork on thesis for atleast 2 hours. - DoneToday I was expecting to make one work related skype call at a certain time. Just a quick call and a bit of planning. The anxiety started building up hours before. I did one Headspace session right before the call and it actually worked pretty well, I felt like my nervousness levels dropped a lot, even the physical symptoms. I noticed during the session that my pulse was really high. I haven't really paid any attention to that in myself when nervous so that was news. I kinda knew that pulse gets higher when excited in a good or bad way, but it was different to actually observe it. Hoping the benefits of Headspace will get even better with continued exercise!
  21. I agree and obviously I got some work to do on that matter. The past 3 days when I haven't written the journal have been really bad days emotionally. Not sure why, maybe mood swings from not gaming or too much free time to lament on the depressive thoughts. Either way, I have been skipping on the daily routines, mostly with the thesis, but skipped a meditation here and a stretch there as well. I guess I feel too embarrased to come report the lack of discipline. Day 14 Its 6 days since I was last able to complete all the daily routines succesfully. Today I was finally able to get everything done again. So here's to that: Daily routine checklist: 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up - DoneGo for a walk - Done15 minutes stretching exercise - DoneWork on thesis for atleast 2 hours. - DoneThe getting help part is progressing quite slowly. Today I was supposed to have a phone discussion about my situation, but unfortunately it got delayed to Friday (not because of me). About gaming, I've now had some serious cravings to play a game so that I could just forget everything and have a peaceful mind for a change. I've had some pretty bad moments where I've not been able to break an unconstructive thought loops and feeling like I'm getting crushed by the anxiety. I guess going for a walk starts to help after couple of kilometers, but it's not an easy thing to get going when I am at a point where I feel like throwing up because of the anxiety. (Now that I think of it, I have actually thrown up only because of anxiety once in the history). Anyway, I need to figure out a way to stop the negative thought loops faster before spiraling down to desperate. Lastly to balance the negative stuff, highlights of recent days: Met my brothersCooked fantastic foodFinished previous book I was reading and started reading another one.
  22. Very successful day in my books!
  23. Day 10 So... I missed yesterdays journal entry. Seems like the energy I had in the start of the detox has completely vanished. But first the good news: I managed to proceed with getting help. I'll be having a phone discussion with a nurse next week to figure out the next steps.Met my friend at the pub again yesterday. Hours of great conversation again!Read through Respawn, tried meditation using Headspace and liked it. Added it to daily routine.The bad news is that I've been feeling exceptionally tired starting from Wednesday and haven't touched the thesis after that. There's no explaining, I just lacked the discipline and I still do. If I made a goal to work on it today, I already know I would fail. So, I'll just consider these 3 days as a break, and make a goal to continue normally tomorrow. Other routines I've kept going. Gaming temptations have been quite minor. Pretty much the only times I wanted to play were when I was extremely stressed and would've liked the stress to go away with a push of a button. I already mentioned this in the last entry, but the hours I was waiting for the call back from a nurse, I was so anxious that I felt physically sick and just lied in bed. I felt so bad I couldn't even focus on reading fiction. I'm hoping that meditation could become the tool to push away the anxiety away to remain somewhat functional. Also, noticed how easy and great it is to come here on the forum and share the small victories. But yesterday having skipped on the hours with the thesis, I didn't feel like coming to share that at all and pretty much avoided the whole site. Daily routine checklist: 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up - DoneGo for a walk - Planned later today.15 minutes stretching exercise - Planned after the walk.Work on thesis for atleast 2 hours. - Not today...
  24. Day 8 Took the first step with getting help. I was terrified in the morning but I managed to call the student health system. The system works so that you have to call the number then press some buttons with your phone and wait for the nurses to call you during the day. I was a nerv wreck whole day, pretty much thinking about what I would say when I get the call. But there was no call and it's too late now. Maybe I messed something up, maybe they were too busy with more acute cases. Anyway, I'll try again tomorrow. Woke up to an alarm clock today at 7 am. Much earlier than usual, but making effort to fix the sleep schedule. The low amount of sleep plus the anxiety of waiting for the call really exhausted me. So I've mostly lied in bed almost paralyzed of anxiety. Funny thing is, the anxiety went away when I realized the time window when the call could happen had closed. @Cam Adair a big thank you for starting this movement and creating the community around it. I'm 100% certain that I would have cowarded out of making the call for help today, if I was still gaming and didn't have the support. In gratitude I grabbed a copy of Respawn and started reading.
  25. Thanks guys, your support is highly appreciated! Day 7 Overall mood is much better than yesterday. Slept poorly though, I stressed heavily because today I had a meeting about the thesis. When I'm stressed out, I tend to wake up after 4 or 5 hours of sleep and can't get more sleep because I can't stop thinking about the stressful thing. But if I have the time to read a book/on phone for an hour or two, then I will be able to get more sleep. Today was such day and I woke up second time at 11 am. Even though I've felt a bit better today, I will try to gather the courage to arrange an appointment to get professional help tomorrow. Daily routine checklist: 5 minute mobility exercise after waking up - DoneGo for a walk - DoneDo the 15 minute stretching routine - DoneWork on thesis for atleast 2 hours. - Done (3 hours actually, because I only did 1 hour yesterday)Other actions to celebrate: Gym with SOAttend a meeting on behalf of the thesisAgree to meet a friend on friday. Last week I initiated, now he did.
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