This has been one of the most productive weeks for me in... years. And I do not feel extremely tired or overwhelmed for it. 6 more of those weeks and my study is completed and done with. Instead of taking a break on Wednesday, I promised myself icecream during lunch break. Got some other students to tag along. (Taking initiative for icecream while 27 degrees outside, how to set yourself up for success :))) Icecream was all the break I needed this week, I was very productive and motivated afterwards. I also asked for help again this week, with immediate results in finding a voice-over actress with whom I will have a try-out next week.
Today is 10 weeks game-free. 3 more weeks to go to complete the 90 days. I'm considering what I want after it. I like my life without games, but I dislike not having a joined interest with hubby. We tried several things together, always one of us is incredibly bored or uninterested. It's frustrating. Whatever I decide to do, the games I used to play are off limits forever. We'll see. I am way too busy the coming weeks to get into something new anyway. Also complimented another stranger today. Perhaps a new habit? It was spontaneous this time around and gave me a bit of a rush of.. adrenaline? Something. I surprised myself.
62 days game free. Onwards, onwards. I was incredibly bored today and watched a LoL lcs match. It was braindead, and that was very nice, however, it didn't fascinate me very much. I put it off when I got bored of it again. I realized watching these things is not what I want with my life and I am going to keep true to that. I am still a tad jealous of people who can actually enjoy games without drowning in it. (Jealous really is too strong of a word but I can't find the word I want in either language...) I still can really appreciate a game as a beautiful product just like art and.. it felt like missing out on something great. But I still didn't feel like I wanted to play, knowing what a relationship breaker, time sink and furthermore allover ruining experience it has been for me. So triggered, but not triggered? Sort of triggered.
The rest of the time I have been veéry well behaved. I shouldn't fret over this little incident any longer then necessary for some reflection. I have rekindled my passion for Jesus, which has given me a great drive to be the best and most loving person I can possibly become etc. etc. Yes I am turning into a woo woo Jesus person, no, I couldn't care for the world what anyone is thinking about that. I have no clue how much to share about that, it's probably all much too silly to natural standards. I'm still struggling with my study (also the reason why I was bored today) but progressing, still haven't really found my passion for that. I guess it's the environment of the academy that's mostly responsible for that. The motivation is hard to find, but I am going to finish this and then I can move on with my life towards things more exciting! I ordered something on Etsy a while back, and I thought perhaps, making something along the lines of that.. Something nice, well designed people would want to have. I like making beautiful things, or things beautiful. Could be a lot of things really. I still struggle to think past 1 day after my graduation date though, so I am going to tunnel a bit more towards that date and then I'll have room to think about new directions my life can go. Also, I got my hair cut and it's super sexy boyish short and I couldn't be more confident about my looks right now. (I literally went back to the mirror a couple of times right when I got back home after the cut, to admire the look. Sexy lady ;))
EDIT: I also complimented a stranger a while back. With her socks. I must find a new social challenge!
What really helped me after my third relapse, was figuring out how many days I didn't game in total and not only look at the last streak. 1 day might sound discouraging, but I bet you have quite a lot already together since starting in January!
Yes, going for the 90! Past halfway point now, woot! --- Lately I've been wondering whether or not I want to continue journaling here and whether it still fits me. I am inclined to say no, but it requires some more thought.
It's Kingsday today. An excuse for Dutch people to dress orange and silly, sell their old shit at flea markets, have fanfare(is this a word in English?) bands all over the place and at the end of it all, party and get drunk. I have ignored it as well as I could. The rest of the week was not very productive. At the times I got myself to study, it paid off. The other times I was mostly distracted, working from home really isn't my strong suit. The home is very clean now however, so it can't distract me next week. I have had counseling again, and again I feel lighter and more in order. Never thought I be a fan of counseling, but here we are. Also, véry important, I bought socks this week. They have pineapples, flamingo's and palm trees on them. Pineapples! Flamingo's! Palm Trees! On socks. This made me insanely content and happy. +10 happiness socks. Woot!
Today is 41th day game free, a new record. I thought of my fav game this week, but it wasn't a longing/nostalgic feeling. It felt more like a 'I used to wear these type of shirts. I still think they're kinda cool. This person who wears it is pretty rad. But they don't suit me anymore.' kinda feeling. It felt way more in control. I like being in control. (...) And then I got sick. In retrospect, I looked really terrible on Wednesday evening but I thought I was just really tired... Been sleeping a lot yesterday and today, haven't been able to do a thing. It feels like my brains are trying to escape my skull, among other painful things. Didn't even manage to do the dishes because it makes a lot of noise. I am also missing the party of a good friend tonight, I was really looking forward to that. Beh. Gladly, the cat has accompanied me these days and hubby has been sweet. I am also starting to regain some of my appetite, that's normally a good sign.
Beside the question: I personally use ad blockers, and only switch it of in véry special occasions. I believe I once read gaming forums and the like suffer the most from ad block services, however, I can't seem to find it back. I think that suggestions about activities to replace gaming would be best fit. However, I am wondering how a good suggestion would be made considering the diverse countries our members are from, could an ad still point me to something in the area? I live in a tiny country, but if a suggestion is made for something in Amsterdam, it's useless. Maybe things that are already suggested/hinted at on forum posts (Headspace, Nofap) can be a good option.
Today was a slow day. I made progress, but not as much as I would've liked. I never really got into a nice flow of things. I didn't stop going though. I am however starting to feel really tired and it is starting to affect my mood too. I need to take a break tonight, but there's still many chores waiting for me. I guess they'll have to wait a little longer.
Thanks! Also, by long week I meant I have a lot of things planned this week
Today I am switching between super focus and complete distraction. Like I am working and making a lot of progress and the next moment I wonder how long I have stared at the clouds for.. I was planning on photographing today, but plans changed due to unforeseen circumstances and my own forgetfulness. So I prepared photographing as far as I could for tomorrow and then focused on other things, but my mind wasn't really set on doing these things today. I am bad at following through on plan changes. Just like I have trouble doing things not from A to Z. I can't hold on to that though. However, I feel very resilient today. Distractions and plan changes aside, I am working and I feel happy.
Thank you! Yea we did! I don't value holidays that much, you know, everyday is a good day to celebrate Easter to me.
The weekend with hubby was great, we had so much fun and quality time together. I am going to make more of these moments happen, it's good. I am super happy and feeling fulfilled right now. I am also pretty tired and I have a long week ahead of me. But I am going to kick ass.
I feel slow and unfocused today, however I am forcing myself to be as productive as I can. I have made sure that I have taken the steps I need, to do to at least do something; drink enough water, eat healthy, listen to happy energetic music, taking a walk. All this effort has resulted in 3,5 hours for my study today, so that's something. I still feel like I could fall asleep any moment now, so I might go for another walk soon.