The Warrior's Infinite Opus

[Schwing]

Detox day: 81

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Nothing!!!!!!!!!!

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
• Cold shower- No
• Bioenergetics- No
• Porridge- no
• Meditation- yes

Goals from yesterday done?:

1.  

Thoughts and Feelings:

• My routine is fucked. I hit rock bottom these past two days
• I have had two close exposures to games today and I was completely unphased. One kid was playing CSGO at school. I also listened to the HAWKEN soundtrack.
• There is this one kid who is always passive aggressive with me. Or perhaps he just pokes my fear of intimacy and my social paranoia and I end up annoying him. He is always putting me down. Or maybe I am just too sensitive? There is also a long term friend of mine who doesn't really like me.
• Nailed physics test
• Studied shitloads
• FINISHED A SKETCHBOOK. YEEEEEEEEEEE BBBBBBBBBOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
• Did some metal vocals. I thought about leaving my comfort zone today by singing cleanly and loudly but i couldn't do it! The result was my brain rationalising that I should just quit. 
• I had depressive thoughts today but I bounced back.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: metal vocals
• Mental: art 4 pages, studying, test, reading
• Spiritual: nooooooooothhhhhhhhhhhhing

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Relapsing twice in a row
• My fear of intimacy
• Social anxiety
• Realising my problems
• Nice conversations with people I like

What I have learnt from today:

• I need a countermeasure for when I am stressed or depressed
• Routine is essential
• Up 6:30 bed 22:30
• Prepare in advance more. Plan.
• Time to start selecting my friends and start fresh. Ignore people I don't like.
• Stay grounded always
• I must break down my fear of intimacy

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to everyone on 1000 days and being open

Goals for tomorrow:

1. Study a lot
2. Find ways of reinforcing no fap
3. Make sketchbook tour video

Edited February 4, 2017 by Schwing

[Schwing]

I relapsed to porn twice in a row these pasty two days. This is getting out of hand. Not literally speaking of course....

[destoroyah]

I'm currently into the most recent "At the Gates" album "At war with reality", this is a recommendation. Goes almost as well to porn as Entombed, close second though!!

I really like that Hexen album, also the one that starts with "He's got a bomb, he's got a bomb! AAAAHHH!".

Vektor is also very good! Shit, it's amazing, but very hard to get into. When some tracks of them sneak up on me unnoticed, it's the shit.

I could write pages, but I'd just t(h)rash your journal.

[Fagus]

A good way of life has to cope with adverse fate and fellow men. Hitting rock bottom is part of the game.

And Porridge is part of your routine?

 

[Schwing]

@Fagus Yes porridge is part of my routine. Lots of nutrition.

[Schwing]

@destoroyah

Just a normal day riding the bus

With a hundred pounds

Of the most potent C4!

A man takes the stand with a trigger in his hand

30 lives vapourised!

All over the floor!

[Schwing]

Detox day: 83

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Stretching and making noises whenever I felt like it.

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
• Cold shower- yes
• Bioenergetics- No
• Porridge- yes
• Meditation- no

Goals from yesterday done?:

1.  

Thoughts and Feelings:

Forgot to post yesterday

Routine is still fucked

felt very good today at school.

i ran really hard and that felt good

did a course at school after lessons

I got some metal stuff in the post. CDs and a t-shirt. I spent my evening cutting the sleeves off.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: running
• Mental: studying, shirt
• Spiritual: cold shower

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Metal stuff
• Chuck schuldiner
• Running

What I have learnt from today:

• I need to get up on time. Its essential for my t
• routine
• Always stay grounded
• I hate typing posts on my phone

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Wearing a death metal shirt to the climbing centre

Goals for tomorrow:

1. Study a lot
2. Fix your fucking routine
3. Have a more personal conversation

[destoroyah]

Ohhh which bandshirt tomorrow?

Edited February 7, 2017 by destoroyah

[Schwing]

The shirt is Death. And I cut the sleeves off. It has life will never last and a scream bloody gore face on the back.

Here it is

[Schwing]

@Csaba_Bekesi Sound advice. I will check out getplan and thank you for sharing those tips for social stuff. I have been trying to liberate myself from social pressures lately.

[Schwing]

Detox day: 84

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Wearing the shirt

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
• Cold shower- No
• Bioenergetics- No
• Porridge- yes
• Meditation- yes

Goal from yesterday done?:

No my routine is still fucked

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Failed to get up earlier or do any morning routine
• took a toll on me for the rest of the day
• The passive aggressive kid (let's call him the psychic vampire) is draining my energy. I can feel it. He is always out to make me feel self conscious
• Did some climbing and I talked a bit with the same girl from before. Some girls are reaching out to me more.
• I was very drained at the end of the day yet I felt compelled to keep trying to make conversation with this one girl so I said some dumb shit to try and start one and naturally it was a flop. She didn't really notice though. The psychic vampire was behind me and I felt very frustrated from then on out and couldn't study.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: climbing
• Mental: studying, personal dev. research
• Spiritual: none

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Psychic vampires and dicks in general
• Learning about myself

What I have learnt from today:

• Don't get hung up on girls and their opinions of you. They are no exception to other people just because they have tits.
• My ego is important. It is a pure social mechanism and I must embrace it rather than suppress it to seem more favourable.
• If you are mentally drained do not be compelled to talk to girls or make lively conversation. You need to recharge. Get in the yin and out of the yang. Balance is ESSENTIAL. Do what you normally do. get out of your head.
• I always try to joke to find security in a place where I am uncomfortable as a means of appearing comfortable.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Being assertive, serious and speaking my mind

Goal for tomorrow:

Fix your fucking routine! Make it real!

[Schwing]

Detox day: 84

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Playing death metal out loud randomly (nobody cared)
• Didn't feel like being serious. I have a different type of ego. I was assertive though in a non serious kind of way.

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)- No
• Cold shower- Yesyes
• Bioenergetics- yes
• Porridge- No
• Meditation- yes

Goal from yesterday done?:

My routine is less fucked. I had 2 cold showers to make up for the still present fuckery though.

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up an hour late
• I was very chill at school. I came into another confrontation will mr psychic vampire but I didn't care.
• Failed a test. Doesn't matter. I will make up for it.
• So I found the balls within myself to say a few things to some girls today.
• The whole school did a run today. I beat everyone in my group.
• Came home and chilled for a while. And another while. And a few more whiles. I felt very drained
• Eventually studied a bit
• I checked out some electronic synth stuff and I'm really getting into this shit. My musical horizons are expanding at an exponential rate!

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: running
• Mental: studying, personal dev. research, checking out bands
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• New retro wave or whatever it's called
• Running
• Low productivity
• Failing in tests

What I have learnt from today:

• Gotta tackle my comfort zone in small chunks. Just saying random contextual shit to girls is a start.
• To tackle my productivity I must use this get plan thing to plan ahead.
• My countermeasure for when I am stressed or depressed is to take a step back, meditate or do something physical.
• To beat nofap I will keep correcting myself when I grab my dick. I will also have a more rigid routine. Plus I will get to know women more. This will clean up my degenerate porn fetishes which I am very ashamed of. I am seeing results in this already.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talk to at least 2 girls. You don't have to say much.

Goal for tomorrow:

Sort out producitivity

[Mad Pharmacist]

Hey, I just want to let you know that I'm proud of you

Btw. I have versatile conversation opening, you can it out on these girls:

• (Schwing) Hello
• (Girl) Hi
• (Schwing) I want to greet with you
• (Girl) Ok...
• (Schwing) What's your name?
• (Girl) *saying her name*
• (Schwing) If name is often "What a rare name!"; if name is rare "What an often name!"

And that's it! You can finish conversation at this point or just continue it if you want to!

Do it three times, and let me know how well it worked

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Fagus]

 

Mad Pharmacist's versatile conversation opening. Sounds interesting. Have you tried this yourself @hycniejsy? What were your results?

Mathew, you are now on day 85 already. How do you feel?
You've been talking regularly about mr. psychic vampire. Is he an important figure in your life? What role does he play?

[Mad Pharmacist]

 

Mad Pharmacist's versatile conversation opening. Sounds interesting. Have you tried this yourself @hycniejsy? What were your results?

Tried it 3 times a day for almost A YEAR. So it's like 1000 times, sometimes I'm doing it if I want to strike up conversation with strangers during events!

[Schwing]

@Fagus I used to play videogames with him. I stopped playing with him ages before I quit though because I didn't like him and he always made me feel bad. Recently he has been finding ways to frustrate me again.

[Schwing]

@Csaba_Bekesi Of course.

He constantly makes fun of me because I am a metalhead and he keeps telling me "it's a phase" and "metal is not real music". Shit like that. One time at climbing I was talking to this girl 1 on 1 and he just throws his chalk bag at me and says "hold this" for no apparent reason. He then proceeds to belittle me for wearing a tank top. I handle it well I think. But I he is always at the back of my mind.

If I was to hypothesise, I reason that he is jealous of me quitting videogames and trying new things. One time he said to me "so when is this phase going to end blah blah blah you started being an edgy teen ever since you quit games blah blah blah"

Edited February 9, 2017 by Schwing

[Schwing]

@hycniejsy Thanks. That seems pretty random though. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can just say random shit to people like that. I'm a total introvert.

[Mad Pharmacist]

@hycniejsy Thanks. That seems pretty random though. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can just say random shit to people like that. I'm a total introvert.

Oh c'mon!

That's an excuse!

There are no intro and extraverts!

Everyone is just a mixture of both of them.

I mean, I'm introverted too in most situations in my life. I like to spend time alone, have only couple of closest friends and that's it.

But when I'm on stage, I'm extravert as hell!

That's because I learned it! I was trying to do any effort to deal with it. Break any limits to start feeling comfortable in social situations.

So, if I did, why you can't? You haven't even tried.

And it's not just a random shit.

These are just saying hi and then 3 sentences. You can memorise them to feel more comfortable.

I recommend trying it first and then reevaluate.

Trust me, I mean, I can tell shitty things on meditation, because at least I tried it once!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Schwing]

Detox day: 86

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Nothing

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Cold shower
• Bioenergetics
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

My productivity is still fucked. I have been having less pressure from school work lately though and the holidays are around the corner

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up an hour late again
• I was extremely depressed for no seemingly reason all day at school! What?!
• Got home and dicked about for a bit. Did some miscellaneous things. Read some hp lovecraft. and then BOOM porn cravings hit me. I keep up as much as I can. I try meditating but then I just snap out of it and relapse like a motherfucker.
• Started a new sketchpad

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical:
• Mental: studying, personal dev. research, reading, art
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Relapsing
• Hp lovecraft

What I have learnt from today:

• The trick to getting rid of porn cravings is starting to become an enigma to me. I just dwell on the thought for ages and then BOOM fuckitmode initiate.
• I watched an Elliot hulse video about "the habit of getting shit done". My routine is a habit. I just need to do shit without thinking about it.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talk to at least 1 girl. You don't have to say much.

Goal for tomorrow:

Sort out producitivity

[Mad Pharmacist]

 

• Talk to at least 1 girl. You don't have to say much.

Talk to 1. 

Approach 2 more. 

We are not here to bargain. Thank us later. 

I wanted to quote this, but you're faster than me!

Strike up 3 conversations with girl you didn't know, and this way you'll gain permanent +1 charisma boost.

 

About feeling depressed:

Everyone sometimes feel like that. It's just emotion and when some time will pass it will all wear off.

Depression is a different story, but I don't think you're. You gave me too much positivity into my life to suffer from this disease!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Cam Adair]

Stop hoping for good results. Stop feeling embarassed. Go out and start and after a while you will get better.

Boom! You nailed it.

[Schwing]

Detox day: 87

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Trying to iniate conversation with a girl

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Cold shower
• Bioenergetics
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

 Noooooo. I have been depressed all day again.

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up super super late
• Was depressed at school again as per yesterday. Didn't feel like talking to anyone.
• Came home and I found an email reply from my dad. I had some sort of anxiety attack and then I watched porn.
• I then watched 2001: a space Odyssey
• I then got my shit together and did bioenergetics, cold shower, porridge and meditation
• I then went to work and did something along the lines of what @hycniejsy said (the a name thing) on a girl who works behind the bar. She didn't really care.
• I also found 10 quid on the floor today which was pretty dope.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: work
• Mental: studying
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Relapsing again
• Amazing support from hyncniejsy, csaba and fagus
• Being in contact with dad again.
• £10

What I have learnt from today:

• I should try to develop a habit of doing shit. Like a boom and then I get shit done.
• Porn is an escape for when I am depressed. 
• If I do my routine enough I won't have to think about it

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to my dad on the phone

Goal for tomorrow:

Find a way to destroy porn addiction and prevent fuckitmode.

[Schwing]

Thank you for this awesome support. I realise now that I should stop looking past myself. In the words of Shia la beouff: "just do it!!!".

The pleasure is in the moment not the result. I have to focus on steering the ship rather than gazing into the horizon.

[Schwing]

3 Days motherfuckers!!!!!!