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Tatu92

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It took me a very long time with a lot of consistent conscious effort to learn how to set boundaries and speak up for myself, so the fact that you're reflecting on this stuff and beginning to apply it is a great sign. When I traveled to Europe a few years ago I wouldn't even turn over in my bed while staying in a hostel to avoid potentially making noise (squeaky bed) and waking people up... even though the bed wasn't my fault, and everyone was staying in that room specifically to reduce costs and share space. So, it's been a long road, hah.

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@Cam Adair - Thanks for sharing your experience, I appreciate that. It's really encouraging to hear that from you. Just knowing that you went through the path, and were learning the same things. The mistakes I made so far have instilled guilt and regrets, but I know it comes with the learning. 

  

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@Cam Adair - Thanks for sharing your experience, I appreciate that. It's really encouraging to hear that from you. Just knowing that you went through the path, and were learning the same things. The mistakes I made so far have instilled guilt and regrets, but I know it comes with the learning.   

A lot of the themes you've been talking about were discussed with some relevance in today's BEYOND call, so definitely peep that too.

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Day 65:

@Cam Adair , will do. I'm going off to a night shift, but I'll definitely hit it up tomorrow afternoon after I sleep.

What I did:

  • My mom gave me her old iphone.
  • I went to 1 hour hot yoga.
  • went back and forth trying to unlock this iphone. and finally got it to work. then, got a new sim card.
  • About to go to nigh shift.

What I'm grateful for:

  • new iphone.
  • going to hot yoga after a long time of not going
  • my sister buying me a month unlimited membership at the hot yoga place.

________________________________________

Today was a good day. I did a lot of running around, and unfortunately could have saved a lot of time if I knew what I was doing. A lot of people were giving me the run around at the phone kiosk, and I also didn't really know what I was doing in terms of unlocking my phone etc... But in the end, I overspent just $11, and got all of that stuff done - and got a new phone to replace my old broken phone. 

Some lessons: 
- don't go to shady phone repair dealers, they just mess up your phone even more.
- be more careful and notice when I'm about to make an irreparable decision.
- I could have saved $11 if I just calmed the hell down, and looked carefully at my phone. 

T

 

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Day 64:

Christmas is on the 25th of December. At least, over here anyway.

Wow, each country has different Christmas tradition!

In Poland it all starts at 24th with the Christmas Eve (after supper everyone gets their presents, and they're placed under Christmas tree), and lasts for 25th and 26th December. :) This 2 days are made work-free so it's a time for visiting family! And looks like it's a lot of time in comparison to Canada! :)

I think you should be following Master Yoda in case of emergency. I'll give you a bit of visualization! :)

Znalezione obrazy dla zapytania yoda calmness

Looks like using inversion helps in keeping calm! :D

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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@hycniejsy - Thanks for sharing man. Yes, keep on going we must :P

_____________________________________________________________________

Sorry I forgot to journal yesterday, I got a bit distracted towards the end of my night.

Day 65:

What I did:

  • laundry in the morning
  • completed listening to beyond group call #4. And made notes
  • went to 1 hour of hot yoga.
  • made contact with my group partner for this week, for beyond.
  • a few house-keeping tasks... regarding work.

What I'm grateful for:

  • The book "The Road Less Traveled" - by Scott Peck.
  • Yesterday had a chat with a yoga buddy I've met at yoga. We sat by the bench and joked around for 20 minutes before class. He swears a bit too much, just like me, and I found it distasteful actually. He's a lot like me in many ways. Glad to learn from him.
  • I'm also grateful for my mom to have given me her old phone. It's a lot better than my old phone. And also I'm grateful for not having spent that much yesterday. I'm finally living more aligned with that value of mine, regarding living a life that is revolved less around consumerism. I'm more mindful of when my mind automatically goes into "I need this to feel better about myself" mode.

______________________________________________________

I wrote a bit there... But the main thing from yesterday was that I got a lot of work done. I was more focused, largely because I got some closure regarding an issue I was having. That issue was about boundaries. This whole time I was displaying anger/resentment/reactivity when putting up my boundaries. It was the best I could do at the time. I thought I was being a more well-rounded person, but it felt like something was wrong. Then I realized I didn't need to be angry. There was no need. Problems came up, and I should expect that because life is filled with problems - one after the other. And how I reacted wasn't condusive to the outcome I wanted. And I also saw an example on this TV show from netflix, of someone who was calm-assertive. Like how Cesar Milan describes it. 

That calm-assertive was more of what I was aiming for. But instead I was angry-reactive. So I adjusted my demeanor and outlook. I'm more calm now. Now I just need to balance that calm, with dominance. (i.e. looking people in the eye, standing my ground, having boundaries, etc...).

 

T

Edited by Tatu92

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@Tatu92

 

I'm more mindful of when my mind automatically goes into "I need this to feel better about myself" mode.

Funny this is kind of how I think of prayer.  Meditation is listening to God.  Prayer is asking for things.

I finally came to understand gratitude better after I read Job in the Christian Bible.  God asks all of them that had been debating why Job had all these things happen to him, "Where were you when I created the firmamint? etc"  It made such a good point to me.  God puts all these things on earth for us and instead of saying "Hey Thanks!"  We say, "Give me more!  Grant my every wish!"

Edited by dandielionous

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Day 66:

what I did:

  • laundry at 4 am.
  • cleaned my room
  • had a quick breakfast
  • went to mall to buy shirt and pants on boxing sale
  • watched netflix

what I'm grateful for:

  • fixed my bed real neatly today
  • early breakfast with eggs
  • my family clearing driveway snow

_____________________

 

 

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Alright, I will after this weekend's series of shifts. I'll be done by Monday, then I have a few days off. The shifts are 12 hours x4 days so I'll hardly have time to do anything after. But this coming week, I'll be working hard.

What I did:

  • 12 hour day shift

What I'm grateful for:

  • in the morning met someone from another nursing unit that used to go to my old university. I got his contact info.
  • I asked for help twice today. Learning not to just solo everything at work.
  • keeping cool under stress

 

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Day 68:

What I did:

  • Worked a 12 hour shift.
  • Ended up buying a pack of cigarettes.

What I'm grateful for:

  • Pulling my charge nurse aside to request for an assingnment change, because of the workload.
  • Driving on a weekend, with clear highway streets.
  • It's New years coming up.

_______________________________________

Man, now I understand why it's so stereotypical for nurses to smoke cigarettes. I gotta cut this out quick. Stressed out at work.

 

T

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Man, now I understand why it's so stereotypical for nurses to smoke cigarettes. I gotta cut this out quick. Stressed out at work.

What alternatives can help you deal with stress at work? 

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Day 69:

What I did:

  • 8 hour day shift
  • housed a couple of family friends over tonight

What I'm grateful for:

  • at work am learning that everyone's got it hard.
  • housing my family friends over while they're dad is in hospital.
  • noticing my attitude and changing it. *trying to change it

__________________________________________________

These journals are short. But I'll be off the next few days after tomorrow.

 

T

 

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Day 70:

What I did:

  • I finished a 12 hour shift
  • went home to chill with some family friends
  • went out to get bubble tea with a friend.

What I am grateful for:

  • the KFC my friend bought me when I came home
  • I worked hard to save a life today :) 
  • I am off for a few days :D

_____________________________________

T

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Day 71:

@WorkInProgress - Thanks for checking in Mario. I hope you are doing well. 

This first day off was good. I had a chance to meet with a friend of mine, after a month of not seeing him. 

What I did today:

  • woke up and had sushi with my friend
  • we watched a movie (Assassin's Creed).
  • Bough a book on nursing advice.
  • 1 hour of studying nursing related information

What I'm grateful for:

  • chilling with my friend today was great R&R.
  • Seeing Assassin's Creed the movie.
  • spending a good amount of time studying what I needed clarification on from my recent time at work. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I've been craving gaming lately. As I've mentioned before. I haven't given up yet. But this time the cravings are starting to fall into the category that "maybe gaming might be in my best interest, since nothing else is fun right now". 

Unfortunately, that's a mind-set that I'm all too familiar with. I suppose time changes all things. I have times when I identify hard work and perseverance as the "right thing to do", and other times my mind is convinced that "taking it easy" is the best thing to do. Maybe I've lost touch with what I really want out of life. 

Anyway, tomorrow I've got to go work out and do yoga. I want to constantly be active and exercise, since that's one thing I still have a good grip on, and hold in a strong convicted sense, that it is a positive thing to do. 

I'll get back to basics - back to working out. back to hard work.

 

T

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You've also been working a lot which means you likely have had less time to relax and have time to yourself - which is what gaming gives you. So it's not so much that you're craving gaming, but a break.

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You are also on day 71 of your 90 day detox. I am sure you can do another 29 days now. Try to identify why you have These urges and rationalisations.Cam could be right and you Need just more time wiht relaxing activities.

I am doing fine lately. Thanks for asking :) 

 

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Day 72:

@Cam Adair, and @WorkInProgress - Thanks man. That's a fair take on it. I reflected a bit on what you said. When I was getting the "cravings" I just wanted to feel good emotions. Maybe a bit of relaxation, and excitement - not gaming necessarily. Gaming was just the automatic-shallow response to the subconscious question "how can I feel better?". Once I got my head cleared up, and thought about it, gaming is pretty boring. What I wanted is more out of life. 

What I did:

  • Early morning 1 hour hot yoga.
  • Ate some sushi at my favourite spot
  • Spent some time taking care of my family friends staying over.
  • Cleaned my room, did my laundry.
  • Booked my first volleyball game coming this Monday, playing with a new team that's more experienced (I'm actually scared)
  • Started inquiring about ACLS courses - and bought the course book (so I can qualify for the more specialized nursing jobs, and also enhance my skills/knowledge)

What I'm grateful for:

  • I'm glad I took notes on the Beyond Calls. I looked back through them, and the first thing I read was "how you do one thing, is how you do everything". That was never really completely clear to me. So I searched up some more clarification online. Then it made more sense. For me it means, the energy/quality of how I do my current task will most likely be how I do the next task I do. Therefore, in everything I do the common denominator is myself. It's about stepping up.
  • I'm glad I bought that ACLS book. It's a solid step in taking this course. I'll make it happen. It's expensive. And I have to pass the test to get certified. But it's something fun to do while also advancing my career.
  • I made dinner for this little girl, a family friend. I gave love today :).

__________________________________________________________________________

My family decided to house a few family friends over. Their dad is in the hospital right now. Most of our time is spent taking care of the kids. I myself keep to myself and do my own thing, until night time. Then I take care of making dinner for the little girl. It feels nice. 

If anything, that's one thing I'm happy about. While also bitter about, because the brother of the little girl is such a bad example for her. I see so much of my old self in him. He sleeps until 4 pm, playing video games 16 hours a day. I feel enraged when I see him not helping out in the house. He's just here to eat, sleep, and play video games. Maybe he is going through so much emotional turmoil from his dad being in the hospital. The sad part is, not too long ago, that was the same behaviours I had. Even worse, because of the smoking pot. Man... I'm still such a loser. I hate how I hate how that brother is being. I hate myself for hating him. God... 

T

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I'm glad I took notes on the Beyond Calls. I looked back through them, and the first thing I read was "how you do one thing, is how you do everything". That was never really completely clear to me. So I searched up some more clarification online. Then it made more sense. For me it means, the energy/quality of how I do my current task will most likely be how I do the next task I do. Therefore, in everything I do the common denominator is myself. It's about stepping up.

Exactly. Share this reflection in the FB group - I'm sure many others will get value out of it.

The flaw you see in him is the flaw you see in yourself. Meet it with love and compassion. It's helped you gain clarity on what it is that you truly desire out of life. Don't meet hate with more hate. Meet it with empathy.

Edited by Cam Adair

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Day 73

@Cam Adair - Thanks for your advice Cam. I decided to share that with the FB group. 

What I did today:

  • got my car fixed, replaced the starter (pretty costly :(...)
  • got my new pair of glasses, which only took less than a week.
  • Dinner with family and family friends.
  • 1 hour hot yoga.
  • 15-20 mins of nursing review.
  • going to a night shift.

What I am grateful for:

  • getting my car repaired, despite the cost... I can drive feeling safe
  • my new glasses are bomb.
  • the kids staying over have gone. Their dad is doing well now, and has recovered. It's gotten quiet around here, I will miss them.

____________________________________________________________________

Today I tried my best to be compassionate and understanding towards the family friend that was staying over. In the least, I didn't spend much energy on thinking too much about him and his habits. I kept myself busy today.

I am about to go to do a night shift. All I am thinking about right now is, "how can I achieve my goals in 2017?"... I'll think about it more tomorrow. But lately my dreams have taken a bit of a back seat to practical goals involving work and day to day things. I'll flesh out my goals tomorrow.


T

 

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Day 74:

Today was a good mood day. 

What I did:

  • Woke up at 4 pm from my night shift.
  • Recieved my ACLS training manual. Studied for 1.5 hours.
  • Went out for a night drive to clear my head. 
  • Texted some of my buddies to see what they were up to.
  • Made plans for the weekend. 

What I am grateful for:

  • My volleyball buddy inviting me to his birthday.
  • Deciding not to buy for fun
  • My best friend's first day in owning a part of a bussiness. 
  • Recieving my training manual so early! And getting down to studying right away.

___________________________________________________________________

Just a good day.

T

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Day 75:

Did quite a bit today... More relaxing time with friends and family.

What I did:

  • Studied 1 hour of ACLS CPR course.
  • chilled with my brother and sister at the mall.
  • chilled with one of my close buddies for the afternoon.
  • met up with the new friend I met from volleyball to his birthday dinner, and met a lot of new people. 
  • got 2 new people's phone number. one of  them is going to the volleyball meet I am going to tomorrow.

What I am grateful for:

  • seeing a few of the new friend's friends, and learning they are hardcore gamers and made me glad I quit gaming. Although I tried to look at their positives, like they are nice people. But overall, they are around 30, disheveled, awkward. I can get along with them, but it just strengthened my resolve to quit gaming for good. 
  • I met this one guy today who had to go through cancer. I learned he fought it and "won", as far as we know so far. Really proud of him. 
  • I studied quite a bit today.

_________________________________________________________

Today wasn't a bad day. I had to make a call between staying in, or reaching out to my friends and family to have some social time. I decided to have some social time before going to that new friend's birthday party, just so I get some "warm-up" time before meeting the new people. 

I was glad I spent some time with my sister and brother, they are always really good influences on me. They work hard on school, social life, and work. They are great examples in life, and we feed into each other's successes, also give each other support and feedback. 

When I chilled with one of my old buddies today, it was a good time. Although he is still doing the same old things. He smokes weed, goes to the gym, work, and recently bought a laptop and plays league of legends when he is at home doing nothing. I am a bit disappointed. I was a bit tempted to just "give up" the whole resisting gaming idea, but clearly that's a dumb idea, if I want to focus on improving my life. 

When I finally showed up to that birthday dinner, I met some awkward man-boy gamers and some "normal" people. I did my best to get along with all of them. I got to know the gamers and they had some attractive traits, which was good to know. Some of them were very caring. Some were energetic and social, although awkwardly so. It just made me think. At this point this experience just strengthened my resolve to focus on improving my life and dropping gaming from it permanently. 

Ultimately today I spent a little more than I wanted to. Approximately $120 on entertainment/foods. That's a little much for one day. This coming week is gonna be more about me controlling my spending, more working, and fleshing out my goals for the upcoming months. 

________________________________________________________

Tomorrow I'll be joining the BEYOND call. Then I'll work out, and work on studying the ACLS course some more, and then going to meet my best friend to watch some movies. Although I don't want to spend money. I might just ask him to come do something for free... like get tea or go to a museum or some shit. 

 

T

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As always, I like to read about your relationship with your siblings! It warms my cold, only-child heart... Jk :D 

You're getting close to 90 days now! Give me some #hype! Keep going.

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