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NEW VIDEO: 22 minute gaming addiction documentary

Simon E

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About Simon E

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  1. @Hitaru You're amazing. Really. I went over to "stop gaming" on reddit, read through like 30 posts, cried over some tragic ones and how much I recognize myself in their suffering. At some point during the two hours I've sat here, the cravings faded. Then I came back here, saw Hitarus reply and kinda cried again (if it can be called crying; my eyes become wet, that's basically it, lmao. Maybe I should be worried about not being able to truly cry). I'm considering deleting my account (again). I did last fall, with my real one, the one I invested thousands of hours and hundreds o
  2. Day 2: I think I'm dying. ARGH. The cravings are intense. My heart is trying to tear itself apart; one side wanting so desperately to play, the other anything but that. I've found that the biggest challenge is that you become your own enemy. You trick yourself into believing, actually BELIEVING, that you want, deserve, need to play again. How do you protect against that? You can't. It's impossible. How do you fight an urge whilst simultaneously being somewhat convinced that following through with the desire is the right thing to do? ??? I want to play. I make plans in my
  3. I read through the last two pages of your journal, and I simply wanted to tell you how much I recognize myself in your words, and how interesting it is (...does these bland comments actually mean something...? It's genuine though, I swear.)
  4. Day 1: ... I've failed the media detox a couple times. Also relapsed to gaming once, following the same old pattern. (One day, then deleted) It begins with this longing in my chest, an aching feeling, and I HAVE to soothe it with something familiar: league content, the channels I used to watch, voices I recognize. Narratives I can anchor to, when everything is uncertain. After that, I'm not far from downloading and playing league for a "couple hours". The voices in my head are good at justifying this behavior. Good news: I now have not one, but two, jobs. In addition, I've
  5. As someone who previously have had a "no go"-attitute towards all drugs, I'm now beginning to reconsider. I've heard from many sources that psychedelic drugs can have profound and long-lasting (permanent?) effects on your life (self-perception and view of the world.) Is this true in your experience? Would psychedelics be something you might recommend? (Of course the practicalities of taking drugs is a whole other deal, but theoretically)
  6. I am also on a sort of media detox, and I agree with you, it's almost more challenging than quitting video games, since media is such a core part of the lifestyle we live today. Interesting how you describe the hole, as I've come to same conclusion. Media consumtion doesn't actually fix anything, it just temporarily fills the hole for you. Good luck with this
  7. Never apologize for ranting, stick your chin out and write those bibles (in all seriousness though, this is the place to rant). Also, applause on transitioning to a vegan diet. It might be tough in the beginning, but stick with it, I promise it'll be worth it.
  8. Day 1 of 90 Rules for this detox: No video games whatsoever (PC, consol, mobile)No watching video game content (primarily league of legends content, but not exclusively. Also includes pewdiepie-esque content)No watching TV-series or movies (unless in live company) No excessive reading (only allowed during predetermined times) The purpose will be to move away from this consumer-mindset I'm in, where I'm always looking to escape into something else. As you see that includes all sorts of consuming, not only in relation to gaming. Hopefully 90 days without anything in this fashion will give time f
  9. So... I've relapsed twice in the last 14 days. Two day-long binges, contained within their respective 24 hour blocks. The second one happened today. Nothing terrible, no permanent damage done - as in no risk that I'll begin playing regularly again - but it still screws with my momentum and my self-esteem. Perhaps most importantly, the relapses reveal that not everything is okay. Obviously. I've yet to identify the exact cause, but I think it stems from a combination of wide issues. I finished high-school this summer, and I think that struck a heavy blow on my sense of belonging and purpose.
  10. There's a lot of self-reflection, but I doubt this much self-loathing would do you any good. Try to build counter-habits like reading or exercisings since just avoiding youtube won't work. Or do 20 push-ups every time you open YouTube page) I understand how the post might come across as self-loathing, but that isn't quite correct. Despite how it might seem I actually hold myself in pretty high regards. What I did loathe though was my behavior. Considering where I want to go and who I want to become I cannot indulge in things like that. So I would argue that my harsh words stem from love rather
  11. There's a cloud over my head as I write today's post, a rainy and thundery one, throwing small lightning bolts at me. One thing I have come to despise more than anything is losing control over myself. Sure, most people probably wouldn't place that high on their list of pleasures, but I think gaming has made me develop a certain kind of hatred towards it. Because that's what it was, no? A lack of control. I couldn't keep myself from sitting down in front of the screen, over and over again, despite it killing my relationships, my dreams, my very body. The keys to my own brain were kept out of re
  12. Glad I could be of help I surely recognize myself in that fear of writing you mention (which is troublesome... Since I aspire to become an author). The only solution seems to be pushing through, writing despite the risk it might turn to shit. "Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain." Emerson was a wise man. Happy to see things are going better for you again (even though it's slightly uncomfortable/scary. Guess what? It's supposed to be )
  13. It's been long since I had cravings, but I still remember how tough they can be. Just ignore them and they'll tire of bothering you eventually Also, props for tracking your time. Scheduling in advance and reviewing in retrospect are two habits that work like miracles. Keep growing stronger.
  14. I'd just like to stop by and let you know I appreciate the song you wrote. Never look down on anything you create, because it's the process and the sentiment behind it that matters. When you create instead of consume you instantly set yourself apart from the majority. Also, good job on running. I myself have picked it up again lately. Ran a full 10k without stopping for the first time a couple days ago, and I haven't felt so accomplished in a long time before that. You've definitely got this. Exercise is a big deal; research has actually found it to aid in overcoming addiction (Read the boo
  15. I've been uncertain whether the journal continues to serve a strong enough purpose now that I've beaten the addiction (would prefer to have said "killed", but that f'cker refuses to die completely ) and haven't really made an effort to write regularly, but having seen yours that might change. I'm inspired: it's so structured. Also appreciate how you use it as a mirror of the day; it can't too pleasant to write "nope" over and over, am I wrong? Might steal the bits and pieces I like most - no hard feelings right? Keep being awesome