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Tatu92
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If you finish daring greatly I would recommend you to read "Models" by mark manson. Awesome book which I think would fit perfectly to your current problems.

Here is one article of his website which is a excerpt of this book. https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability

Also great job at doing well on your priorities. Keep growing man!

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If you finish daring greatly I would recommend you to read "Models" by mark manson. Awesome book which I think would fit perfectly to your current problems.

Here is one article of his website which is a excerpt of this book. https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability

Also great job at doing well on your priorities. Keep growing man!

Agreed! Slight Edge then Models is good. :)

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Day 20:

Overall great day :)

What happened today:
- helped my best friend's girlfriend's sister move houses.
- took the train back to my house with my bud.
- we chilled the whole day, and I drove him back. we chilled at his base, with his dogs, and gf.

What I'm grateful for:
- helping out my friend.
- meeting the bf's gf's family.
- me growing in my ability to be social and not awkward with meeting new people. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I learned a lot today, or rather, I appreciated a lot today in terms of how much I have grown so far. I helped out a bunch of new strangers (meeting the bf gf family - super cool people), which was rewarding in terms of doing something productive, and being social/ going outside, and also philanthropic. I appreciate where my head is at these days, thanks to the work here in the community. I'm in a much healthier place - much better than before, honestly - thank you. 

I'll keep it short today, I'm a little tipsy, and a lot is on my mind. 

Thanks,

 

T

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If you finish daring greatly I would recommend you to read "Models" by mark manson. Awesome book which I think would fit perfectly to your current problems.

Here is one article of his website which is a excerpt of this book. https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability

Also great job at doing well on your priorities. Keep growing man!

Agreed! Slight Edge then Models is good. :)

If you had to pick one book on getting my dating life handled, would it be Models Cam? Your word carries a lot of weight. :P 

T

Edited by Tatu92
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What I'm grateful for:
- me growing in my ability to be social and not awkward with meeting new people. 

Practice it. Every day. This is versatile skill and will help you in every situation in your life, no matter what you're gonna do.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Day 21:

What I did:
- finished reading daring greatlet 250/250 pages. Now I'm going to highlight some main points and make some summary notes.
- went out to buy a whiteboard, markers, etc... to organize my workspace in my room.
- picked up my friend, and we went to a central park in downtown toronto called "highpark". had brunch and chilled at the dog-park
- came home in the afternoon and hung out with my siblings and my brother in law.
- trying the "brainevo" product that was on Cam's recommended list on kingpin social. 
- got a ticket for parking my car at the street overnight. 

What I'm grateful for:
- the company I have in my daily life, wherein I feel very connected to the point where I actually crave alone time now.
- enjoying people I meet everyday. 
- having a job.
- finishing daring greatly!
- having so much in my life that I'm finding it so disorganized!!!!
- having a savings account that I worked hard to build, that gives me lee-way for mistakes (like me spending recklessly the past few days).
 

What I need to do:
- make a priority list on things I am working on. 
- write all that I am working on out on paper / whiteboard, to get all my thoughts out.
- be more systematic in my approach to my goals.
- start creating a sacred time for me to clear my mind and develop focus. (hence the brainevo + meditation that I will now start doing).
- I just want to organize my thoughts arrgh! 
- finish the damn modules!!!!!!!!! I have two left!!!!!! but i got sidetracked by reading daring greatly.

______________________________________________________________________

A simple day. One filled with nature, people, and dogs. It was enjoyable. But I am lacking structure! I need structure!! I like a bag in the wind these days. Although I am hitting some of my goals, I feel that I can be doing so much better in some other areas. I can be more efficiant, and I cant be much more clear-headed and plan things in advanced. I think that would prevent some of the buyers remorse that I have regarding spending too much on extra-entertainment and things that I don't necessarily need. 

I'll be going to a workshop tomorrow so it'll be 8 hours long, and then after that I will probably go to yoga. Then focus the night on organizing my room and lay out my thoughts and plans for the future.

 

Thanks for reading all, 

T

 

Edited by Tatu92
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Lessons from Daring Greatly:

Hey guys, I decided to start something new on my journal. Since I finished Daring Greatly, before I moved on to another book, I wanted to really work through the ideas in the book. I didn't just want to read it and throw it away. I wanted to take a bite at the ideas, chew them, and apply them to my life so I can reflect back on them later on. I'll embed a little summary of the ideas that I'm working through, and I'll end the post with a summary of me processing the ideas in my life. Since I'm anonymous on here, I'll just be as honest as I can be.

This may be a little too personal for some people. It's not for me. But, by all means you have been warned.

DSC_0006.thumb.JPG.0f3d5cbf5a9863b618960

I made a little summary here regarding shame. I understand shame as this negative emotion that we all have, and that it's primal. I recognize shame in some areas in my life. Meaning that it may be present in other areas, but I may not be aware of it. But otherwise here are some examples of when shame arises:
- When my best friend snuggled with his girl friend, and I get the feeling that I am lacking in some way because I don't have a lover;
- When my friend's girlfriend started laughing and teasing me because my fortune cookie said something like, "you overcompensate for what you are lacking" (specifically targeting my short stature)
- When my I'm chilling with my cool friend in my block, and I get the feeling that he expects me to make a crazy night happen where we get a whole bunch of girls and have cool guys come over my house. I catch myself trying to text a whole bunch of people seeing who can chill. I'm essentially trying to live up to this expectation in an attempt to not let him down. 

The message in these instances is "I am not enough". The expectations are coming from various different places. For example, the general expectation of our generation is that if you do not have a hundred thousand friends, 20 girlfriends drooling over you, and a superb social life - there's something wrong with you. And it comes up as a sense of urgency to live up to that ideal, and to try to become that image. This falls under the "move toward" category I suppose, as appeasing. And me writing this out is me recognizing the shame (under shame resilience). 

Me sharing this information is me reaching out I suppose. And me processing this information is me practicing critical awareness in that I am differentiating what I believe is my ACTUAL values and the values that I THINK others expect of me (i.e. be cool and have lots of girlfriends). In this instance, I stopped trying to call the other people, and just dropped my phone, and decided to stop trying so hard to get a "party" when I just really wanted to chill and have a peaceful night. 

I'll leave it at that for now. I just wanted to process some of this. Thanks,

 

T

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Lessons from Daring Greatly:

Hey guys, I decided to start something new on my journal. Since I finished Daring Greatly, before I moved on to another book, I wanted to really work through the ideas in the book. I didn't just want to read it and throw it away. I wanted to take a bite at the ideas, chew them, and apply them to my life so I can reflect back on them later on. I'll embed a little summary of the ideas that I'm working through, and I'll end the post with a summary of me processing the ideas in my life. Since I'm anonymous on here, I'll just be as honest as I can be.

This may be a little too personal for some people. It's not for me. But, by all means you have been warned.

DSC_0006.thumb.JPG.0f3d5cbf5a9863b618960

I made a little summary here regarding shame. I understand shame as this negative emotion that we all have, and that it's primal. I recognize shame in some areas in my life. Meaning that it may be present in other areas, but I may not be aware of it. But otherwise here are some examples of when shame arises:
- When my best friend snuggled with his girl friend, and I get the feeling that I am lacking in some way because I don't have a lover;
- When my friend's girlfriend started laughing and teasing me because my fortune cookie said something like, "you overcompensate for what you are lacking" (specifically targeting my short stature)
- When my I'm chilling with my cool friend in my block, and I get the feeling that he expects me to make a crazy night happen where we get a whole bunch of girls and have cool guys come over my house. I catch myself trying to text a whole bunch of people seeing who can chill. I'm essentially trying to live up to this expectation in an attempt to not let him down. 

The message in these instances is "I am not enough". The expectations are coming from various different places. For example, the general expectation of our generation is that if you do not have a hundred thousand friends, 20 girlfriends drooling over you, and a superb social life - there's something wrong with you. And it comes up as a sense of urgency to live up to that ideal, and to try to become that image. This falls under the "move toward" category I suppose, as appeasing. And me writing this out is me recognizing the shame (under shame resilience). 

Me sharing this information is me reaching out I suppose. And me processing this information is me practicing critical awareness in that I am differentiating what I believe is my ACTUAL values and the values that I THINK others expect of me (i.e. be cool and have lots of girlfriends). In this instance, I stopped trying to call the other people, and just dropped my phone, and decided to stop trying so hard to get a "party" when I just really wanted to chill and have a peaceful night. 

I'll leave it at that for now. I just wanted to process some of this. Thanks,

 

T

You are most definitely not alone. I felt the same way as you did, and I can say even a lot of non-gamers feel exactly the same. As empty and blank as this will sound, having a girlfriend or 10000 friends do not say anything about if you're enough; 10 or 20 years down the line nobody is going to care about how many girls you slept with(probably other than your wife) or how many people you texted to chill. It's never about the number and always about the quality. I know people with 1500+ friends on Facebook, they seem really popular, but in the end they come breaking down in front of me because they are all acquaintances and they never really connected with anyone. That is really sad, not gonna lie.

It's great that you are reflecting on this alone, but what I want to say here is even if other people tell you that you should be "social" and try to date a girl/get a lot of friends, do not do it just to impress them. Figure out what you want. Because in the end what others think will not matter. Remember what Dr. Seuss said, those who mind do not matter, and those who matter do not mind (because they will accept you no matter who you are).

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While it's important to have people around you, we have to really explore why you want them there. 

 

There is a certain part of fullfillment of feeling connected because we just feel bored or upset or unhappy with our own self. Just being with ourselves. We feel we need to be validated. And we think that having someone else in our life will solve that but actually it's an internal thing that we need to address. 

 

That's why people can have a loving family lots of friends and a lover and still feel alone. 

I'm rambling sorry. But try to think. What do you really want from other people. Really really want. 

 

 

 

 

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I enjoy reading your journal - you have a certain constructive mindset that I like.  It's almost as if I can feel how you try to learn from everything simply by reading what you've written. 

Also, I agree with Nancy above. Acquaintances and friends on facebook mean nothing, really. Honestly, if you are happy while being completely alone (which I doubt, since humans are a group animal; heck, even I need people), you should allow yourself to be just that. One's worth isn't determined by ones amount of friends. If you crave company, get out there and find some. 

Keep up your positive attitude. 

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I enjoy reading your journal - you have a certain constructive mindset that I like.  It's almost as if I can feel how you try to learn from everything simply by reading what you've written. 

Also, I agree with Nancy above. Acquaintances and friends on facebook mean nothing, really. Honestly, if you are happy while being completely alone (which I doubt, since humans are a group animal; heck, even I need people), you should allow yourself to be just that. One's worth isn't determined by ones amount of friends. If you crave company, get out there and find some. 

Keep up your positive attitude. 

+1!

Just keep it up bro!

You've got Mad Pharmacist on your side! :)

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Day 21:

Guys, thanks for entertaining my ramblings. I thought it might have been too much to put all of that on here. I'm re-thinking it now however, because it may be too much work to constantly put all that on here. But I do reflect constantly on what all of you are putting up here. I'm learning a lot from everyone. 

what I did today:
- attended an 8 hour workshop on preceptor-ship (learning things like communication techniques, assertiveness techniques, models of learning, giving    feedback, how to handle confrontation, etc...)
- during lunch time at this workshop, instead of sitting with the people I knew, I excused myself and went to mingle with 3 strangers sitting together. They are  nurses from another hospital. I sat for a whole hour getting to know them. I've gotten better at remembering names, and being more personal with people.  They really went at it and couldn't stop sharing haha.
- meditated for 30 minutes with Brain-EVO
- spent some time with my brother and sister.
- dropped my sister off to work (her car broke down)
- went to volleyball.
- drove out to get hot tea, and sit under the stars.

what I'm grateful for:
- going up to the group of nurses to introduce myself, and get to know them. they eventually invited me to come to their hospital haha.
- going to the 8 hour workshop. I learned so much because this teacher has so much experience (she's originally from the UK, and nursed for the royal family).
- being there for my sister. 
- going to volleyball.
- taking my self out for hot tea, to enjoy the stars and being okay with it.
- learning to take a moment to breathe and collect my thoughts/composure before doing something, so that way I produce with better quality.
- this community +++.

what I need to improve:
- I need to ask people out to chill. I still have some resistance and "what-if" thoughts to this. I'm scared of them saying no, or judging me, to be honest.
- master composing myself, my thoughts, my energy, my focus. the way I am being present wherever I am. I want to bring more attention and concentration. 
- spend more time in honing my knowledge in regards to my career, be more relevant, be more competent.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I think I got most of my thoughts out up there. Not much more to add. Thank you everyone!! 

T.

Edited by Tatu92
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Great job going to sit with strangers. That's exactly how you end up building a better network and making new friends.

When it comes to "not having time" to journal, remember, you were easily able to find hours and hours to game, so finding 30-60 minutes to journal should be a no-brainer! 

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Day 22:

Thanks Cam. Regarding the earlier post, I wasn't talking about journaling , rather was talking about the summary posts on the books I am reading. I'll definitely keep up the journaling! It's one of those habits that have gotten me to a better place, so It'll be here to stay. 

What I did today:
- meditated 30 minutes 
- hot yoga for 1.5 hours.
- slept for 3 hours.
- paid my parking ticket. 
- dropped off my sister to pick up her car.
- went to visit my friend at his house, and chilled for 30 mins
- went to a coffee/ resto shop to have dinner and read "the slight edge" for about 45 mins.
- did laundry and collecting some thoughts.

Grateful for:
- One of the boys here on game-quitters guiding me through personal growth.
- Having so much high quality information available to me
- Having so much free time from work! Next week will be busier, but I do enjoy the free time to explore and pursue my interests.
- Fixing up my room to be a thinking area: 
DSC_0009.thumb.JPG.b634b97f92e387d8161feDSC_0011.thumb.JPG.41572bfe2b10bc6144969
 

My Work/Play/Stretching/Reading/Journaling/Thinking Space!!

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Overall a quiet day. I was tired since the morning, feeling like I haven't quite recovered from yesterday. But it's funny, I think it's a psychological thing. When I was talking to my friend today, he was talking about a bunch of things. Because he is going back to school, we were talking about school work. He started talking about how he copies from other people. How he cheats and shit. 

My personal values are totally against that. Although I didn't have great grades in school, I did it all through my own blood/sweat. I did group work, fine. But I never cheated/ copied. I did back in like kindergarten. But ever since then, I've believed in honest work. So I started to challenge him by questioning his values. He got offended, and said he told me to "chill out bro". This is the same friend that asks for a lot of things, but hardly gives anything back. So he's got some values that I don't agree with. Before I would just shut up and even say "oh yeah I cheat too". But now I'm pretty comfortable in rocking the boat and expressing my personal beliefs.

Then I explained that I wasn't attacking him, I was attacking his ideas. From where I see it, if you hold this idea of "cheating" and "taking from others' hard work" to be something to be proud if, if I question you - you should at least understand your own motives. And he explained that because "sometimes there's not time, and theres so much work to do, you should just cheat". I then asked, "don't you think those people you are copying from have shit to do as well?". Anyway, we talked for a while. We're close friends. I wanted to challenge this value of his. He felt somewhat offended by it. But I didn't care. 

Most people would say, "that's socially abrasive". Or something like that. But, in my opinion, what's even worse than being socially abrasive is silencing ourselves for the sake of "not rocking the boat" or "fitting in". So sometimes I have thoughts where I am scared to speak them out, because it wouldn't be socially acceptable. But every now and then, I like to speak my mind, when I think it's appropriate.

 

T

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It takes Courage to speak up to your beliefs and I am proud of you for doing it. I am offended to if someone challenges my beliefs but most of the time I am thankful for it afterwards. But the times i evolved the most was when People I cared about challenged my beliefs. Ofcourse the way you do this matters.

Also nice clean place!

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Thanks guys,

I finished the Re-spawn modules finally! 

Some things I need to remember:

  • Focus one hour at a time, and win the next hour!
  • Hold yourself accountable
  • Having a schedule is about living a pro-active life not a re-active life.
  • Your time is a non-renewable resource, INVEST IT - don't kill it.
  • Get out of the house more often
  • Hero not victim. 
  • Quitting games is just the first step, now it's about building a meaningful life, improving social skills, and making better friends.
  • Remember why you quit gaming in the first place. You got honest with yourself!

____________________________________________________________________

I was craving games this morning. Just a mild craving. But thank god for that Reddit-guide on destroying my Steam Account permanently. 

 

T

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Day 23:

@WorkInProgress Thanks for the encouraging words man! I agree with the "way you say this matters". I'm going to work on that next. I got this book called "Non-Violent Communication" that I'll read later on. But I do appreciate working towards confrontation without breaking relationships. In fact, I think there should be a way to confront someone, and end up having both sides improving from it. 

@RenoF  Thanks bro! 

@Piotr thanks man!
________________________________________________________________

What I did today:
- Finished the rest of the Respawn modules.
- Paid my master card debt.
- Hot Yoga at 12 pm.
- Bought 3 books: Meditations, Non violent communication, and Quarter Life Breakthrough.
- Read 100/275 pages of Slight Edge
- Watched some anime. 

What I am grateful for:
- I used to never finish books. But I kept working at it, and over time... Now I've finished my first book: "daring greatly" and am 1/3 of the way through "slight edge". I love reading now!
- Youtube for giving me access to some awesome piano tracks that I'm listening to.
- Being able to buy the three books that I will read after "slight edge".
- Being able to share my life with you guys.
- Moving forward with my life, along with everyone else here.
- My comfortable, brightly lit room.
- The food my mother cooks :P
- The wealth of information, knowledge, and wisdom available at our fingertips! There's so much  we can learn, so much to know! I'm grateful for being able to take it all in. 

_________________________________________________________________

Overall, today was simple, quiet, and more so focused on introverted ideas. I was thinking some lazy thoughts in the morning. The thoughts were about going to yoga or not. I was thinking, "I can just stay at home today, I went yesterday. What good will it do?". Then I read the Slight Edge. The ideas really put things into perspective. The little things do matter. At the beginning of the hot yoga session, everything was hard. The heat, the postures, the ridiculous amount of people cramping the room. SO MANY PEOPLE. ahaha. I wanted to leave. But by the end of it, they open the door. And that COLD AIR felt so damn good. I thought.... "I wouldn't feel this way. I wouldn't feel this damn good, if I just sat at home". 

So before I went, I was demotivated. I was feeling inactive. I wanted to stay in bed. It was my day off. I wanted to be a lazy little shit. But AFTER I put in the work... I felt MUCH BETTER! 

Someone said this before.... Action precedes motivation. I think the same goes for emotions, mood, etc... Once you Do the thing, then you will get the power. 

That's what the slight edge is about right? Booya! 

 

I'll see you guys again tomorrow. I'll be typing my journal earlier. Because I'll be doing 4 night shifts in a row, so it'll get confusing a bit.

 

T
 

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Day 24:

I'm currently trying to figure out how to do the @[insert username here].  I did it by luck, but now can't seem to figure it out. 

I'm about to go to do a night shift. So this will be a short one.

What I'm grateful for:
- going to the gym today and working out for 45 mins.
- going for a long walk in the park, and sat down to watch the river flow. The water was so awesome, clear in color, and very pleasing to watch.
- raking the leaves in my front yard. 
- talking to my bitchy looking neighbor for around 30 minutes while I raked the leaves. She was actually not bitchy. Just looked like she was.

_____________________________________________________________

Today was great. I read up to 150/275 pages of the Slight edge. I'm also reading "Meditations" along side it. It's not a long book, but it's jam packed with great thoughts. One of the things I took away from reading meditations was that I need to improve in taking responsibility over my thoughts.

My thoughts are often distracted and all over the place. But I learned from the book, that I can winnow my thoughts down. I can catch myself when my thoughts are being pulled at from different angles. I can also develop an intention and purpose to my thinking. I can cut away distractions, and pursue a thought with greater focus to its logical end. That seems like common sense, I know, but for some reason reading it from this book made me appreciate it more. I actually appreciated this lesson when I was at the park today watching the river. I was thinking about what I wanted to do with my life right now. The progression of my thoughts lead to something like: explore more of the world, get to know more interesting people, and enrich my life through understanding/learning. 

I also thought about my job as a nurse. I was questioning my satisfaction in it. I'm still debating this one. One advice I heed is in not making rash decisions when it comes to work and career changes and the like. Because this job does have its merits. 

Kind Regards,

 

T

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My thoughts are often distracted and all over the place. But I learned from the book, that I can winnow my thoughts down. I can catch myself when my thoughts are being pulled at from different angles. I can also develop an intention and purpose to my thinking.

We have more control over this than we think sometimes!

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Day 25:

Thanks for the input Cam and WorkinProgress! 

What am I Grateful for?

  1. going to yoga after a night-shift.
  2. meeting this guy at hot yoga who is very fit, goes to hot yoga twice a day, and seems like a very cool guy (after doubting going to yoga, when my friend questioned why I go - It's that "no no no" culture. My friend stopped going to the gym, and hardly invests in his health/body. I have felt much better after doing yoga, and have clearly seen an improvement in my cardiovascular health. So it was not only a relief to meet this avid yogi, but also a reminder that I have to look for confirmation in my actions from the right places, because the world does tend to be nay-saying at times. Because the truth is it does affect me). 
  3. disciplining myself to refine my nursing/medical knowledge for 20 mins today.
  4. reading the slight edge.

What I did today:

  • came back from night shift, and slept until 1500 hr.
  • read slight edge up to pg.184/275. 
  • hot yoga 1630-1730
  • studied nursing/medical knowledge for 20 mins
  • meditated 30 mins
  • and about to go to another night shift at 2300 hr.

__________________________________________________________

I'm in a much better place than I was a month ago. I can definitely say that with 100% confidence. Reading this slight edge book as well has benefited me greatly. I came up to the section where he talks about course correction, and how we need to be okay with not being on course because it's part of getting to success, as long as we correct course.

In terms of course correcting... I'm definitely able to small talk and be social with ease these days. At yoga in the men's locker room, I started talking to the guy who went twice a day. Then I started addressing everyone in the room. It's a lot easier for me to speak up and socialize with people. But one thing that I'm avoiding is asking people to come hang out with me. I feel like if I do that I might risk making things awkward between us. Or that if they say no, that the rejection might hurt.

But on a positive note, one of the things that made me doubt my profession was my extended time off. I forget how exciting it can be to be in the medical floor. And I was disengaged in a lot of ways from work. It became "clock in, do work, clock out". I stopped trying to improve myself. So that's why I'm going to invest 20 mins a day in refining what I know about my career and how I can improve as a nurse. I have already started in going to these workshops that my workplace provides, I'll keep that up. I'll find more of them, and I'll even go to paid courses eventually. I just want to be more participative at work, and own my career.

 

T

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