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d.manuk
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Wow your picture looks cool. I just downloaded and added it into my wallpaper collection of my laptop!

And it's very interesting to see those teapots. My mom is also like those things. Chinese tea!

I didn't know Kenya is one of the countries that makes tea.

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This is a photo taken by my mother :P 

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Wow your picture looks cool. I just downloaded and added it into my wallpaper collection of my laptop!

And it's very interesting to see those teapots. My mom is also like those things. Chinese tea!

I didn't know Kenya is one of the countries that makes tea.

3_acbUd018svcedpkxcicr0cp_t84brj.thumb.j

This is a photo taken by my mother :P 

Those look like good grapes :x

Your mom takes her tea seriously too!

Edited by Shine Magical
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"Vegan before 6" is going very well -- the transition has been very smooth since I'm already used to eating very healthy. I'm just learning which vegetable foods I better tolerate in larger quantities than others.

 

My to-do-list has been a source of moderate frustration for me this week. I have so many recurring small personal tasks that take up a lot of my personal time. It's amazing that I managed to keep myself alive when I was gaming, considering how much trouble I'm having now to live optimally. There's definitely diminishing returns.

 

It's been very hot in NYC, you can't stay outside for very long. I did some deep yoga last night that opened my back very well -- it felt really good... I made some embarrassing moaning sounds that made me grateful I was doing it at home.

 

I'm excited for the weekend, my bf planned a date for us.

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I was noticing the same thing yesterday. How did I ever have time for gaming with all the running around I do?! Basically, I was cutting out almost any form of other task or recreation (and even work) to clear out space for gaming. Enjoy your date! ?

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My to-do-list has been a source of moderate frustration for me this week. I have so many recurring small personal tasks that take up a lot of my personal time. It's amazing that I managed to keep myself alive when I was gaming, considering how much trouble I'm having now to live optimally. There's definitely diminishing returns.

 

It's been very hot in NYC, you can't stay outside for very long. I did some deep yoga last night that opened my back very well -- it felt really good... I made some embarrassing moaning sounds that made me grateful I was doing it at home.

 

I'm excited for the weekend, my bf planned a date for us.

I don't like small tasks.... like house chores... But there's no option...

S. Korea is also very hot. And the humidity... is crazy!!! It's similar to standing next to a steamer, in a indoor spa!

I hope you have a great weekend!

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Life has been okay but for some reason I have a feeling that something bad is about to happen.

It feels like I'm overdue for some drama to happen so I'm going to try to put extra positive energy into the rest of this week. -_-

 

Edited by Shine Magical
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Don't expect drama, Shine, but if it does, you're strong and you will handle it. I'm the same way. When things go well for me, I wait for something to go wrong. That's my depression talking.

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My skin hasn't been clear for the past 2 weeks and it has been a bummer. It is starting to improve but it sucks because it got bad for no reason. I eat super healthy and have a strict diet in order to have clear skin, so when it still doesn't work out it is disappointing and embarrassing.

I just finished preparing steamed sweet potatoes, broccoli rabe, hummus, and steamed kidney beans for my breakfast and mid-day work snacks.

 

My wrists are 96% healed.

For the past 4 weeks I have mainly been reading webtoons and watching Digimon and have gotten a little too sucked in. I am backing away for now in order to do other things I have been neglecting and also, more importantly, to have fun in other ways as well. Getting caught up in my to-do list is great and all, but I really need to learn to back off it too. It's really just like grinding quests, yes it's in real life so it makes my life better, but I also need to do some world exploration too and level up my mining and herb gathering too. :P

 

Edited by Shine Magical
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Yes, you can overdo to-do lists. I find that as well sometimes, I try to pack in too many tasks or add reminders that are real tiny, obvious tasks and really don't belong on the list. You'll have a feel for what works for you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Have been catching up on my to-do list. I'm writing this in between weak sets at the gym right now.

After a brief vacation in a solitary place in a Canada, I came back to NYC with a clearer mind and a more resigned mindset towards the amount of people I'm always surrounded by. Just don't even register them in my brain.

 

I've been feeling a lot more disgraced and empty of my skinny body than I have in a while. Currently feeling like a disgusting drawn out line of snot between a tissue and a nostril. Weak but somehow still clinging onto life only to be able to be snuffed out at any time by a greater force. It doesn't help that all of the other high-middle income attractive white males living in my area have at least 10lbs of muscle on me.

 

On the plus side, I've been reading more books and stopped watching as many shows and browsing the Internet. 

Overall, the problems I was having earlier went away and have of course been replaced with other things. But I haven't had any negative days for a while.

 

edit: it's essentially my 1 year gamequitters anniversary and it's nice to step back and see that I've progressed in a lot of ways that are meaningful to me and I'll use my dissatisfaction with myself to continue to improve myself.

Edited by Shine Magical
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I wish I could loan you some pounds, Shine. I'm trying to get rid of them. ? Sounds like you and I are struggling with body image issues from opposite sides. Don't be too hard on yourself. You and I need to learn to love ourselves no matter what the mirror and scale say.

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Don't get too fixated on comparing yourself to others, because you'll never be happy and you'll never do things for yourself.

What would an extra 10lbs do for you? How will it benefit you? 

Congrats on your 1 year! Must feel amazing. Here is to the next 5 :D

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I've been feeling a lot more disgraced and empty of my skinny body than I have in a while. Currently feeling like a disgusting drawn out line of snot between a tissue and a nostril. Weak but somehow still clinging onto life only to be able to be snuffed out at any time by a greater force. It doesn't help that all of the other high-middle income attractive white males living in my area have at least 10lbs of muscle on me.

 

Don't worry, beginner gains are not that hard. Try https://stronglifts.com/ it's a very sensible and simple program. Just go steady and easy, don't overdo or injure yourself - you can always grow some meat, but you can't magically repair joints.

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I'm being a bit more selfish for the past week, even if it's at the expense of others.

I've also been feeling more melancholy, but in a comforting way. It can be beneficial to feel a little depressed because it makes you want to take care of yourself a bit more.

 

Plastic Tree makes me feel like I'm under a big umbrella in the rain wearing a white long sleeved shirt.  

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Today the song comes first, because it sounds the way I feel today.

The only thing I feel positive about is that my digestion seems to be doing well today.

Edited by Shine Magical
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I took the first step of more serious working out by going to a Crossfit gym and taking a strength class. I have been holding off on doing so because I didn't want to spend extra money because my gym membership is free. But I like to relax too much and I need some help to get started more seriously.

I learned today that my one rep max at bench press is 125lb.

 

What also contributed to my decision to loosen up and spend a little more money is my cash flow outlook.

I've been playing around more seriously with the retirement software at work and put myself in as a client to check things out. Even if I spent a bit more money, it would only delay my goal of achieving $500,000 by about a year. I'm starting to settle on the thought that it's okay to do this.

 

I was a little sick over the weekend and just stayed inside, but I started doing more stuff on my to-do list.

I did a very good job of a manicure and pedicure since I was in no rush.

 

Edited by Shine Magical
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Feeling a little better today because I did yoga and had sex. ¬¬

I like eating a lot of vegan food but it is hard to prepare so much food.

Still feeling a little sick, the changing weather is sneaky on your body.

Perhaps I did not take advantage enough of the summer weather, but I think I have done a lot this season anyway.

Colder weather means more tea.

tenor.gif

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On Saturday, we rented a car and went to a Korean spa in NJ. This type of spa is open 24/7, which is common in Korea but not in the US.

I went to the various saunas (the yellow clay one was my favorite), steam rooms, got a massage and a facial. They also had very good and healthy food, I bought some fruit and a a blended red watermelon drink. I will definitely go back by myself one day when boyfriend is on a weekend work trip (they also have free buses to and from NYC).

After that, we had Korean sashimi. It was very cheap ($130 for 2 people) and there were sooooooooooo many courses. We were so full. I also ate raw sea cucumber and sea squirt.

 

On Sunday, my friend came over for tea and for dinner had some good vegan food.

Yesterday, I just stayed inside and read, drank tea and did chores.

 

I'm preparing to spend a lot of money in the upcoming months for new clothes... I want to look like I belong in the fancy neighborhood I live in.

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Honesty time:

 

With my present mindset, I will relapse once Maplestory 2 is released in North America. The game will likely release in early 2019. It might be a short relapse, or it might be a long one. It depends on how fun the game is.

It's true that I don't really care about any other games at this point. I don't feel the need to play them to fill my free time. But Maplestory 2 is different, perhaps I won't be playing it "just to fill time."

It's a sequel to a game I loved and that I grew up with. It was also the highlight of my teenage years that helped me escape from an otherwise psychologically traumatic home situation, and a way to hang out with friends after school on days we didn't hang out in person.

Why would I relapse? Well, because I want to play. ¬¬

I haven't disassociated myself from wanting to play this game. It also might only happen once I actually play it and I see the reality of how playing the game actually is.

 

I need more self discipline and set my priorities.

Edited by Shine Magical
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I'm doing a good job spending money this month, lol. But I'm improving my life in some places that have been lagging behind so I am happy.

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These are the sneakers I decided to buy. It took me about 5 hours of research and work to settle on these (perfectionist...). I'm still researching how I'm going to lace them (probably bar lacing?).

 

I've also been working on applying a lot of the techniques and skills I've been researching for both writing and painting. I'm cutting down on my color palette and I think I'll buy different colors in the future to get a basic color scheme that reflects more of my personality instead of just buying off a list of what paints someone recommended for beginners. I've also taken the plunge today and finally started handwriting my first draft of my writing. I've been procrastinating it for about 9 months... -_- I'm just going to try to enjoy the process and not have a specific goal in mind like "I'm going to write a novel so that I can sell it and have extra income." I think that kind of goal made me not succeed in getting a finished product and made me write in a slightly different way. It's interesting because each time I pick up writing, I add another layer onto the same plot I've been trying to push out of my system but have never been able to fully complete. Let's see if my fantasy story finally comes to life this time!

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You can see how much I love my avatar. It is on my pen, on my home screen, I have a piggy bank of it, it is so cute.

 

I told my boyfriend I was feeling lonely because we haven't had many meaningful experiences together for a few months because he has been traveling a lot for work. It made me feel better to say it aloud, because a small voice in my head was saying it for the past month and it was making me sadder and sadder. Thus I get to award myself a point.

Shining Heart Goals:

Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 4/10

Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 4/10

Edited by Shine Magical
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  • 1 month later...
  • d.manuk changed the title to d.manuk's journal

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