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I've had a very low libido the past few months. I'm not really interested in any men.

I have some blood work scheduled, but I think it's more of a mental thing.

I have 2 paintings in progress.

I was supposed to go to the gym today but I felt like I woke up at 3pm because my whole day was somehow wasted.

I'm a little off today!

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Latest art piece:   I'm happy with the anatomy in this drawing as well as the line art I did for it. I wanted to practice mixing darker skin tones for the BLM movement happening. I usua

My acne seems to be hormonal, so I’ve been taking a few steps to keep my hormone levels calm and it seems to be recovering. I have a lot of purple scars on my forehead now from it, they should fade ov

Latest art piece:  

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I want to think of a new username, I don't feel like Shine Magical anymore.

I've been creating a new workout routine for myself and I'm excited to start it soon.

I weighed in a 181lbs at my doctor today, I was 165 at the beginning of this year.

I need to buy new clothes for myself.

I bought chairs but they'll get delivered in 6 months.

I did most of the stuff on my to do list and have added a few new things that make me excited.

I have 3 paintings in progress.

I still really like my apartment and neighborhood.

The weather is getting nicer and nicer.

I am getting anxious that I'll eventually be asked to come into the office, I want to continue working from home and need to figure out how to negotiate that.

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  • d.manuk changed the title to d.manuk's journal
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Overall I feel very positive.

After learning I weighted 180+lb, I've started to feel more confident in myself. The changes I'd been implementing have been showing progress.

I changed my username.

I don't think I've ever written this in my journal, but I'm actually a guy.

4 or 5 years ago when I created this journal I didn't want to write my gender because it would be obvious I'm gay and I also wanted support in my gamequitters journey.

However, lately I just find it really hard to give a fuck about anyone else's opinion. I just want to be me that I want to be (which is different from the me that I am). I'm starting to feel like a man at age 30!

I don't want to put up a nice boy fascade that I put up over the past 5 years in real life. I'm actually kind of a naughty guy with an imp-like sense of humor, and I find that endearing. It can be a lot to handle and obviously rubs most people the wrong way. I like heavy metal but I look really cute. It's that unexpected dichotomy in myself that I really like.

There was a Jordan Peterson quote in a recent podcast that said something along the lines of "If you aren't being in alignment with yourself, your subconscious will harshly torture you for it." That struck me so hard for some reason.

Perhaps it's temporary, but I hope not. For now, I'm enjoying this new metamorphosis, I love exploring and evolving myself.

 

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I think it's good that you decided to come out here. For whatever reason, I thought I made a more indiscriminate post here more than a year ago, but it actually seems fairly reasonable. I can say I do not feel stupid for assuming you were female while I was trying to be helpful. In the final analysis, it turned back against you, because you got some posts that were trying to relate to something/someone you are not!

I agree with Peterson on this one, though it takes some time for the "obvious logic" to catch up with reality and take effect; in my case I'm going over the fact that I'm attracted to and want to have sex with a girl whom I "logically" see a lot of incompatibilities for something long term.

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On 4/27/2021 at 1:49 AM, Ikar said:

I think it's good that you decided to come out here. For whatever reason, I thought I made a more indiscriminate post here more than a year ago, but it actually seems fairly reasonable. I can say I do not feel stupid for assuming you were female while I was trying to be helpful. In the final analysis, it turned back against you, because you got some posts that were trying to relate to something/someone you are not!

I agree with Peterson on this one, though it takes some time for the "obvious logic" to catch up with reality and take effect; in my case I'm going over the fact that I'm attracted to and want to have sex with a girl whom I "logically" see a lot of incompatibilities for something long term.

Ja mluvim Cesky 😄

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I finished one of the three paintings I was working on.

Overall, I think it looks pretty good on my wall. However, I am still disappointed in the result.

I spent a lot of time on it but for some reason I don't think it came together that well. I changed color schemes in the middle of the painting but I don't think that's my main issue with it. I also think the photo looks worse than in real life when you're standing 6 feet away.

I think I should have stopped working on it 10 hours earlier, but I am happy that my child is finally born.

Unfortunately it also hasn't produced much of a response on Instagram, which is always a little disappointing.

I spent about 10 hours cleaning and improving my apartment, which was long overdue.

I've read a few oil painting books and learned a small amount of knowledge.

I've been listening to a lot of podcasts instead of music.

I'm meeting a guy tomorrow to hook up, the first time I have done that in a few months. I told him I want to take it slow so we aren't going to do anything too crazy.

My elimination diet is progressing.

Here to Win.jpg

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I’ve had a very quiet month. The friend I’ve been talking to multiple times a week during quarantine had a bad experience irl and hasn’t wanted to really talk for a while so I’ve been leaving her alone so she can deal with her life. I painted the below picture for her.

I’ve been pretty low energy.
 

 

3A721995-9A8E-4BE9-9497-8BB532D680C5.jpeg

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