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Remigijus Journal


Remigjus

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  • 2 months later...

                                                                        DAY242

 

Heyo!
Long time no see folks! To sum up the past 2 months it was just me basically trying to get a grip on my life (as always). Things are better now than they were before, I barely procrastinate (word of the day), I'm more organized and I think that from being a hardcore pessimist I've turned into a happy optimist. It's like my mindset and my attitude towards life flipped over. Thanks to the help of Cam and a few self-improvement books, I think like a completely different person, then I was at the start of my Detox. Tho sometimes there's this feeling that is bugging me that it's been 8months since I've quit gaming and the only thing I've managed to do was to change my mindset.  I barely improved my social skills. What I mean is that I'm the same kid who most of the time hibernates in his house but the way how he thinks has completely changed. If ya know what I'm sayin' :D

 

 

Workout
Yes.

Meditation

Still thinking if I should  begin doing that.

Daily affirmation
Think positively

Reading
Yes

What went well today:
Staying organized.

What I will do differently tomorrow:
Be more focused, positive thinking.

Today I'm grateful for:

  • For being in a positive mood
  • GQ
  • self-improvement books
  • getting back home earlier
  • better focus

 

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                                                                        DAY243

Heyo folks! 

Today was alright. While being in school, same thoughts like  "what am I doing here?" "I'm waisting my time here" started to kick in. You know the older I get the more it dawns  on me that  school doesn't prepare me for nothing but more school/studying wich in the long run leads to working a 9 to 5 for the rest of my life (sounds harsh).
What pisses me off the most is that schools teach us to pass a test but to fail in the real world. They give us tons of stuff to learn by heart but not how to apply it in life.  After reading "Think and Grow Rich" and "Outwitting the Devil" and discovering that "Whatever a mind can conceive it can achieve" I thought: "Hey why don't we get to read these types of books in school?". Anyways, thanks for reading see yea next time

:ph34r:

 

 

 

Workout
Of course!

Meditation

Nope, and I'm ashamed of it.

Daily affirmation
Think positively

Reading
Yes, just finished Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill.

What went well today:
Freestyling.

What I will do differently tomorrow:
Think positevily.

Today I'm grateful for:

  • Positive mood
  • Awesome weather
  • HipHop scratch mixes
  • easy day at school
  • Getting stuff done easily

 

Edited by Remigjus
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                                                                        DAY245
 

Today was a shitty day. I've failed to start off the day strongly and it felt like everything  slipped from underneath me. It's 8:00pm at the moment, and I have no fucking idea how did time melt so fast? It feels like I was hypnotized or some shit. I can't even remember how I was able to procrastinate for 9 FUCKING HOURS. All the time I was trying to get my momentum back but I ended up writing here . It's like a loop. It seems that I need to be more aware of what I'm doing in the moment.

Workout
Yes

Meditation

Nope.

Daily affirmation
Think positively

Reading
Yes,  finished reading  The knight of the seven kingdoms.

What went well today:
Nothing.

What I will do differently tomorrow:
Turn off Wifi on my phone, stop being a perfectionist, no PC.

Today I'm grateful for:

  • Winning a rap battle.
  • Long weekend
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                                                                                DAY247  !!!!I WROTE THIS YESTERDAY, but didn't finish it

I wasn't planning to write today, not with the mind state that I had a few hours ago because I couldn't do anything productive. Had insane mood swings, couldn't stay focused. Sometimes (for example today) I feel like I'm being bombarded by negative thoughts and everything I'm doing is pointless. I want to fall flat on my face. It's like I've lost the spark for my passion and life.  Everything I do slips through my fingers. I thought my head is gonna explode so I just laid back on my couch for like 15mins so I could get a clear head. Afterwards, I meditated a bit ( downloaded this app called Headspace which is really cool), and I started to get back my clear mind state. Then I played some of my favorite music (old school HipHop) and as soon as I heard the sound of scratching my passion and love for music came back. I know this sounds weird, but fuck it, that's what happened :D 

                                

Workout
Rest, so no need.

Meditation

Yas.

Daily affirmation
Think positively

Reading
Yes, reading A Song of Ice and Fire  A Feast of Crows

What went well today:
Mind state swifts

What I will do differently tomorrow:
Turn off Wifi on my phone, stop being a perfectionist, no PC.

Today I'm grateful for:

  • Headspace
  • My Journal
  • You guys
  • Music

                           

Edited by Remigjus
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                                     DAY251

If I'm writing here that means that another day has passed (sort of). Today was a normal day. Not really much to say. No special thoughts, feelings, sudden mind state swifts(the fuck's that?). There we go I wrote a paragraph.

Workout
Yes.

Meditation

Yas.

Daily affirmation
Focus on my goals.

Reading
Yes, reading A Song of Ice and Fire  A Feast of Crows.

What went well today:
Staying in a good mood

What I will do differently tomorrow:
No YT/Discord on my phone.

Today I'm grateful for:

  • Snow
  • Good mood
  • Pancakes
  • Beautiful morning
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                                           DAY254
 What's up, folks!

Just came back home from my first party ever. Got drunk for the first time. So I guess it counts as stepping from my comfort zone ( god damn this phrase is generic af). I'm writing this because I want to brag of the decision I've made. Because  I assumed that I'll be there alone all the time, but I decided not to let these negative thoughts to take control over and I had the moment of my life! It was awesome! No regrets! I'm proud of myself

 

 

 

 

                                     DAY256

 

Workout
Yes.

Meditation

Yes

Daily affirmation
Write more Rhymez

Reading
No

What went well today:
Controlling emotions

What I will do differently tomorrow:
Write more rhymes

Today I'm grateful for:

  • Music
  • A Song Of Ice and Fire
     
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  • 3 months later...

Hey,

Since summer has come, I think I'll head back to my favorite hobby-journaling ( the sarcasm  is real here).
I want for this summer to be something different. I don't want it to be like the previous one. Basically me just sitting at home all the time, browsing the internet all day and not getting control over my life. I mean gaming doesn't exist to me anymore, but I feel like my life ain't fulfilling enough. Sometimes it feels like mindless browsing took gamings place. I want to start living my life. I want something more. I want to improve my social skills, make new friends. Start living my life. Chase my passion in music without anything holding me down near the start line. I'm going to make a change this summer. I'll start off by beating my internet addiction and spending the time productively.

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Day - Whatever

Whaddep,

Soo...writers block :D
To describe today I'd probably play Ice Cubes "It was a good day". I've been recording today  for like 4hours or something, did like a shit ton of takes, but only 2 of em were worth saving. Though in the evening, I started using Discord, wich turned out to be a form of procrastination. Gosh, I love and I hate that place at the same time. I'll have to do something about it.
Anyways,  took some  measures to beat my internet addiction. Thanks to the god sent program called ColdTurkey -Youtube, Facebook and the other time consuming places   won't bother me for quite some time.

  • YouTube blocked for a whole week
  • Facebook blocked for a whole week  ✓
  • Discord blocked for 2 days ✓

Would ban those apps on my phone, but the problem is there's no such an app like ColdTurkey ( atleast to my knowledge). I guess, I'll have to be more careful with my fingers ;)

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DAY - Does the number still matter?

What's up folks,

I was at a barbecue-party like meet up with my classmates yesterday. It was really cool, had some fun. We built a fire and cooked some shish kebabs, sausages. It was really delicious! Played some card games wich were really fun. In a nutshell, a cosy atmospere.
Enough 'bout the positive part, let's talk about the darker side. You see, I'm a quiet dude, I might call myself an introvert or shy or socially anxious, the name doesn't matter. What matters is that I am this way, and I've been this way for the most of my life, and it pissess me off. I can't stand it. That's why yesterday, I was quiet most of the time. There was plenty of chances for me getting into conversations, but I just didn't. I have no clue why. Maybe  because I was afraid that someone might notice that I've changed and be like "look who started talking" or something like that. It's so fucking stupid. I wouldn't give a damn if somebody said that, I'd just probably laugh or say something funny. But it was still holding me from using my vocal chords...Ehhh...My head acts weird sometimes :)

 

 

Edited by Remigjus
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  • 2 months later...

Wow, I turned 18 like 2 days ago...Damn. I'm an adult now. Feels weird. It's probably the only birthday that I wasn't really waiting for, and I'm not even sure why. Probably because I ain't a kid anymore, and the playin' around is over. Time to get serious, take some responsibility, be responsible for my actions... I could give my left nut (joking :D ) just to be 13 again, not giving a single f**k about anything, just living my life and doing whatever comes up in my head. Basically not knowing that my future is on my shoulders, being clueless of what I'm going to do with my life... Aah I miss those days, they were easier in a way, but as my signature says, "Don't waste your time looking back, you're not going that way..."

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18 wtf, that means I met a 16 yo Rem or something. I was taking you for much older lol. 

Well, old man advice in that case, don't get too worked up with the "I'm a grown up now" mindset, it's a lie. You're legally responsible, which is different. Maturity is a fluid thing, just keep walking your path and you'll get there. 

Miss ya boy, I don't get in the discord that often as you may have noticed. Hope life's treating you well!

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18 wtf, that means I met a 16 yo Rem or something. I was taking you for much older lol. 

Well, old man advice in that case, don't get too worked up with the "I'm a grown up now" mindset, it's a lie. You're legally responsible, which is different. Maturity is a fluid thing, just keep walking your path and you'll get there. 

Miss ya boy, I don't get in the discord that often as you may have noticed. Hope life's treating you well!

@Hitaru thanks for your input man! Yeah I guess you're right, it's just the environment that I live in, that makes me think like that haha. But you know, turning 18 still felt different than any other birthday that I had before :)

Hey Rem. Congratulations on the 365 days and becoming 18.

Huge thanks @WorkInProgress !! 

It felt super nice talking to you guys!!! I've missed this stuff way to much than I thought :D :D ^_^

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Aye, I've got inspired  by @Hitaru and by some other circumstances to do the Mindless browsing detox. I'm not 100% sure of what kind of websites I'm going to block (  probably YT, FB and Discord) and how I'm going to do this. I'll think of a  plan tommorow.

Edited by Remigjus
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So, I've come up with a plan/guidelines that gonna help me to get through this mess called Mindless browsing.

 I've called this masterpiece 
               
     Rem's naughty list: B|

  • Youtube - If there's any video that I need to watch or anything like that, I'll just download it. ( No more than 1 video per two days)
  • Facebook
  • Liveleak
  • Discord - I'll go a bit soft on this one. I'll allow myself  strictly to use discord only once a week (Friday). Because I have a ton of pen pals there ( internet friends) that I'd love to keep in touch with.
  • Vimeo 
  • Wikipedia 


I know that the list looks pretty poor, but I'll probably add more as time goes. Since I can't remember every website  that I had problems with. So I'm gonna watch my behavior on the internet very attentively in the future. I'm not sure whether I should journal my experiences with this every single day or not. Or just drop a line from there and then. Dunno, I'll see :) 

Edited by Remigjus
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