Remigijus Journal

[Hitaru]

Awesome list man!

[Remigjus]

So far everything's going fine (I'm talking about the detox). No extraordinary urges.  Tho I've noticed that I started to abuse some  other websites. So I think I'll enrich my list in the future  
Something that gets me pretty anxious these days is getting my drivers licence. Man, everything seems to be  alright  when I'm low key and stuff, but when I get anxious, shit hits the fan (and it's easy for me to get anxious)   I forget simple things, and start doing these stupid mistakes that will cost me to fail  my drivers test. It pisses me off A LOT. Like what the heck. I'm like 65% sure I'll fail at the 1st attempt ( I suck at parking tho). I wouldn't give a damn, If I hadn't  to wait a bunch of time to retake the test + it ain't cheap. Eeeeeeehhhhh...Whatever the outcome is, sooner or later I'm gonna get it. But still. Just felt like talking about it  I can't  wait when I'll get my f*cking drivers  license and all of this bullshit will be over 

Edited September 21, 2017 by Remigjus

[SlackRamen]

@Remigjus, I just stumbled upon your journal and I'm impressed on your achievement of reaching 365! It's really inspiring to read. Any tips for someone just starting out? 

For your driving test as long as you focus on keeping calm and trust that you've done enough practice (assuming you have), you should breeze through it. Good luck!

[Remigjus]

Thanks a lot @SlackRamen !  I strongly recommend you not to watch any videos related to gaming or read any articles that talk about video games (avoid triggers). It's very important, because if you do that, it's the same as torturing yourself. All it does it helps you to relapse. Also, a lot of people  quit halfway through their detox because all of the sudden they think they can moderate gaming. That's a lie. The reason why they've decided to quit  is because they can't moderate it. So forget about moderation  

Edited September 23, 2017 by Remigjus

[SlackRamen]

Thanks a lot @SlackRamen !  I strongly recommend you not to watch any videos related to gaming or read any articles that talk about video games (avoid triggers). It's very important, because if you do that, it's the same as torturing yourself. All it does it helps you to relapse. Also, a lot of people  quit halfway through their detox because all of the sudden they think they can moderate gaming. That's a lie. The reason why they've decided to quit  is because they can't moderate it. So forget about moderation  

Fortunately I'm not planning on doing the 90 day detox, so there's no halfway for me. I've given thanks for what gaming has given me and I'm moving on. Hearing it from you strengthens that resolve against moderation. Eliminating triggers has really helped me breeze through the first few days. I'll follow your recommendation and stick with that. Thanks for your advice!

[WorkInProgress]

Hey Rem. I always was pretty nervous at practice hours for my driving lesson and did a lot of dumb mistakes. But at the exam I was calm and fokussed. Adrenalin can work wonders.

A thing which helped me if I was anxious a at home was to imagine all the idiots who allready passed that test.

[Remigjus]

Failed my mock driving test today!! FUCK , fuckity fuck FUCK!!! I got super confused when I had to go through this traffic circle (not sure how you call it) that I forgot to let  this kid pass the street.  Well, I guess I should blame my lack of focus and paying attention to the stupid ass road signs. On the other hand I'm quite proud of myself, I did a pretty good job while driving ( besides those stupid mistakes) it wasn't so hard/confusing as I thought it would be. I was calm most of the time. But god damn, I feel pissed cuz probably I woulda passed this mock test. Now the next time I'm gonna retake it, is gonna be the  next week. I'll have to pay fucking 25$ this time. Gosh if I fail again... I wouldn't be so angry at myself if this was a real test, but it's a f*cking mock test, and I can't take a real one, untill I pass the mock one... CMON REM YOU CAN DO IT! JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER 

Edited October 5, 2017 by Remigjus

[Cam Adair]

Failed my mock driving test today!! FUCK , fuckity fuck FUCK!!! I got super confused when I had to go through this traffic circle (not sure how you call it) that I forgot to let  this kid pass the street.  Well, I guess I should blame my lack of focus and paying attention to the stupid ass road signs. On the other hand I'm quite proud of myself, I did a pretty good job while driving ( besides those stupid mistakes) it wasn't so hard/confusing as I thought it would be. I was calm most of the time. But god damn, I feel pissed cuz probably I woulda passed this mock test. Now the next time I'm gonna retake it, is gonna be the  next week. I'll have to pay fucking 25$ this time. Gosh if I fail again... I wouldn't be so angry at myself if this was a real test, but it's a f*cking mock test, and I can't take a real one, untill I pass the mock one... CMON REM YOU CAN DO IT! JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER 

Note to self: When walking through a traffic circle, watch out for @Remigjus. 

[Remigjus]

Failed my mock driving test today!! FUCK , fuckity fuck FUCK!!! I got super confused when I had to go through this traffic circle (not sure how you call it) that I forgot to let  this kid pass the street.  Well, I guess I should blame my lack of focus and paying attention to the stupid ass road signs. On the other hand I'm quite proud of myself, I did a pretty good job while driving ( besides those stupid mistakes) it wasn't so hard/confusing as I thought it would be. I was calm most of the time. But god damn, I feel pissed cuz probably I woulda passed this mock test. Now the next time I'm gonna retake it, is gonna be the  next week. I'll have to pay fucking 25$ this time. Gosh if I fail again... I wouldn't be so angry at myself if this was a real test, but it's a f*cking mock test, and I can't take a real one, untill I pass the mock one... CMON REM YOU CAN DO IT! JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER 

Note to self: When walking through a traffic circle, watch out for @Remigjus. 

Don't worry Cam, I'll be honkin' the horn when I see you    

[Hitaru]

Failed my mock driving test today!! FUCK , fuckity fuck FUCK!!! I got super confused when I had to go through this traffic circle (not sure how you call it) that I forgot to let  this kid pass the street.  Well, I guess I should blame my lack of focus and paying attention to the stupid ass road signs. On the other hand I'm quite proud of myself, I did a pretty good job while driving ( besides those stupid mistakes) it wasn't so hard/confusing as I thought it would be. I was calm most of the time. But god damn, I feel pissed cuz probably I woulda passed this mock test. Now the next time I'm gonna retake it, is gonna be the  next week. I'll have to pay fucking 25$ this time. Gosh if I fail again... I wouldn't be so angry at myself if this was a real test, but it's a f*cking mock test, and I can't take a real one, untill I pass the mock one... CMON REM YOU CAN DO IT! JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER 

You're obviously lacking the proper motivation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOYTfpHl0JA

Don't thank me.

[Remigjus]

Failed my mock driving test today!! FUCK , fuckity fuck FUCK!!! I got super confused when I had to go through this traffic circle (not sure how you call it) that I forgot to let  this kid pass the street.  Well, I guess I should blame my lack of focus and paying attention to the stupid ass road signs. On the other hand I'm quite proud of myself, I did a pretty good job while driving ( besides those stupid mistakes) it wasn't so hard/confusing as I thought it would be. I was calm most of the time. But god damn, I feel pissed cuz probably I woulda passed this mock test. Now the next time I'm gonna retake it, is gonna be the  next week. I'll have to pay fucking 25$ this time. Gosh if I fail again... I wouldn't be so angry at myself if this was a real test, but it's a f*cking mock test, and I can't take a real one, untill I pass the mock one... CMON REM YOU CAN DO IT! JUST GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER 

You're obviously lacking the proper motivation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOYTfpHl0JA

Don't thank me.

OMG      Where has this been all my life... This is the answer  to everything     You're the man Hitaru haha  

[WorkInProgress]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOYTfpHl0JA

Awesome

[Remigjus]

I'm adding more  websites to my mindless browsing list. Since I've noticed a weird thing, when I'm using the PC, I start to browse subconsciously all these websites to find any potential stimulation for my brain. It's  like all of the sudden I turn on Skype just to see if someone wrote me   or keep checking this forum for any new stuff, even tho I don't need that at the very moment.
 

  Rem's naughty list: 

• Youtube - If there's any video that I need to watch or anything like that, I'll just download it. ( No more than 1 video per two days)
• Facebook
• Liveleak
• Discord - I'll go a bit soft on this one. I'll allow myself  strictly to use discord only once a week (Friday). Because I have a ton of pen pals there ( internet friends) that I'd love to keep in touch with.
• Vimeo 
• Wikipedia 
• Twitter
•  Gamequitters ( I'll write stuff through my phone/tablet)
• Any movie websites
• Instagram
   

[Hitaru]

I'm adding more websites to my mindless browsing list. Since I've noticed a weird thing, when I'm using the PC, I start to browse subconsciously all these websites to find any potential stimulation for my brain.

That's called mindless browsing my man 

You're up to something big Rem. Think of all the stuff you'll be able to do if you can automate all you PC usage in "productivity mode". Remigjus, Destroyer of Worlds! 

[Remigjus]

I'm adding more websites to my mindless browsing list. Since I've noticed a weird thing, when I'm using the PC, I start to browse subconsciously all these websites to find any potential stimulation for my brain.

That's called mindless browsing my man 

You're up to something big Rem. Think of all the stuff you'll be able to do if you can automate all you PC usage in "productivity mode". Remigjus, Destroyer of Worlds! 

"Productivity mode" is my #1 priority.    Daaamn  Hitaru, I like the sound of that   

[Marquess]

Have you thought about blocking all these websites/programs for the majority of your day & letting yourself use them in the evening? You don't have to be like Hitaru, who, if I remember correctly, once blocked like 10 websites for half a year :PPppppPPpppp.

[Hitaru]

Have you thought about blocking all these websites/programs for the majority of your day & letting yourself use them in the evening? You don't have to be like Hitaru, who, if I remember correctly, once blocked like 10 websites for half a year :PPppppPPpppp.

That's why I use stayfocusd now, to set my own rules without cutting my arm. 

Pls, I now have +500 sites blocked until 2100 (99% of them are P, but it's a number)

[Remigjus]

Have you thought about blocking all these websites/programs for the majority of your day & letting yourself use them in the evening? You don't have to be like Hitaru, who, if I remember correctly, once blocked like 10 websites for half a year :PPppppPPpppp.

No can do sir   I would mindless  browse the crap out of those evenings     @Hitaru is one of my role models when it comes to blocking websites  

[Marquess]

Have you thought about blocking all these websites/programs for the majority of your day & letting yourself use them in the evening? You don't have to be like Hitaru, who, if I remember correctly, once blocked like 10 websites for half a year :PPppppPPpppp.

No can do sir   I would mindless  browse the crap out of those evenings     @Hitaru is one of my role models when it comes to blocking websites  

Ya, the key is to only spend a little time browsing them before you block again. So if you get to a point when you're able to do that, that's a pretty good system. I mean, how much time does it really take to get in, read the relevant posts, and then write your own posts? I can do it in under 30 minutes, and  that's while chatting too. A lot of the time, really, is spent on, like you said, mindless browsing.

So the main issue is separating active posting and mindless browsing :F.

In my case, social networks play a too important role in my life right now to drop them completely, and I strongly doubt I ever will. That said, I got Facebook and Twitter blocked until Friday evening right now because I want to do other things, and it's also good to take a few days break every once in a while.

I'm just saying that there are options but obviously do what's best for you. Hitaru can be a little extreme at times.

[Remigjus]

Well, my first way of doing this "Detox" was like the one you've mentioned above ( separating active posting and mindless browsing ). But I can't, since like  after a few mins of posting some relevant stuff I subconsciously open a tab and shit hits the fan   . Oh well, maybe when I master self-control on the internet,  I'll give myself some freedom. Until then, extreme measures are a must   

[Remigjus]

Short back story: So like at the late summer of 2016 ( I was like midway through the detox) I joined this clan ( it's a historical game so it's a regiment) of a video game that wasn't released at that time. It was like in an early developement stage or something. If you're wondering "why in the world would he join a clan if he's planning to quit gaming?", I did this because my original plan was after finishing the 90 day detox to start playing again. But this idea got thrown out the window pretty quickly. So this "regiment"  had it's  own Teamspeak server, so me being a very chatty person on the net  couldn't resist the temptation to join it. I got well with the people there pretty quickly. They became my internet friends. I felt like I was being liked and accepted. I fit in very well, wich in real life happens rarely to me. Whenever I think of those hilarious moments that I've had there, immediately a smile appears on my face. But  after finishing the 90day detox I've stopped visiting places like Teamspeak so oftenly. Recently, I joined a couple of times this regiments server to check how things are going out for my TeamSpeak dudes.

Present day:

Holy fuck, one of my  internet friends ( he ain't a gamer friend since I've never played with him) wanted to buy me a game so I could play with him and some other people... Geez, this caused an earthquake in my head. Like after  months of being game free,  thoughts of playing again struck me... Damn, I've never expected that I would consider this topic again... I feel really off track right now. I'm gonna create some excuse and say no in the most indirect way lmao. It still blows my mind how a person that I barely know  could buy me a frieking game? Damn, why is this stuff happening to me after like 1 year of being game free...

Edited October 31, 2017 by Remigjus

[WorkInProgress]

Because you joined a gamer clan and sourrounded your self with people who have different ideas of life right now.Maybe it is time to expand your social circle.

 

[destoroyah]

I'm gonna create some excuse and say no in the most indirect way lmao.

Nah just tell him whats up. He'll understand - excuses are for pussies, man!... and they don't help anybody, because everybody wonders what the fuck is going on with the person making excuses. Even if you shit your pants, don't make excuses. Just say "I shat myself!" and laugh about it. 

[WorkInProgress]

Because you joined a gamer clan and surrounded your self with people who have different ideas of life right now.Maybe it is time to expand your social circle.

That was a little bit blunt. It is my opinion but it sucks that your struggling Rem. I hope you can overcome this and hopefully see it as a struggle which pinpoints an area you should improve instead of life screwing you

[Remigjus]

Because you joined a gamer clan and surrounded your self with people who have different ideas of life right now.Maybe it is time to expand your social circle.

That was a little bit blunt. It is my opinion but it sucks that your struggling Rem. I hope you can overcome this and hopefully see it as a struggle which pinpoints an area you should improve instead of life screwing you

Naaah it was ok  I wasn't really a struggling, it was more of a momentary thought/feeling.To get  this clear, I'm not planning of  heading  back to gaming. I agree with  you saying that it's time for me to expand my social circle. I had this thought for quite some thing. But there's so much stuff at the moment in my life that requires lots of focus, that I can barely manage my time and I end up doing some of the things half-heartedly.

I'm gonna create some excuse and say no in the most indirect way lmao.

Nah just tell him whats up. He'll understand - excuses are for pussies, man!... and they don't help anybody, because everybody wonders what the fuck is going on with the person making excuses. Even if you shit your pants, don't make excuses. Just say "I shat myself!" and laugh about it. 

 

I agree with you 100% man. I have  this problem sometimes, when I find it hard to say no to people. I don't know. It's like I don't want to hurt people's feeling by saying no to them, that's why I  often end up saying "No" to them in the most indirect way possible.

Edited November 3, 2017 by Remigjus