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Everything posted by Remigjus

  1. You're back on track and that's what matters now. Most of us dealt with relapse before quitting games for good. So keep pushing forward ? . Don't look for motivation, I mean NEVER LOOK FOR IT. It's bullshit. If you'll keep looking for it you'll never find it. Here's a good video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3TrpYY7-rE
  2. Welcome back Ed! It's always nice to see some old faces to pop up in the forum haha ? P.S That's a rad picture right there! Did you take it yourself?
  3. Welcome to the forum friend! You've came to the right place ?
  4. The reboot process is different for everyone and it depends on how well the person keeps himself from things that remind him of gaming. For me personally, it took about 60 days 'till I stopped having cravings and gaming basically disappeared from my daily thought process. The 90 days isn't some magical number, I think it's the average of when the brain usually starts rewiring itself. But once again, it's different for everyone. Whether you'll lose attraction to video games forever or not, it solely depends on you ?
  5. Remigjus


    I used to have this issue to lol. Even to this day I still sometimes find myself eating near digital devices. As Cam stated above, just be present with yourself, enjoy the taste of the meal. For me eating is the part of the day where I get lots of ideas haha ?
  6. Haha I might finally do it this time
  7. It's DAY 730 so you know what it means TWO FUCKING YEARS (without video games) Another year has passed since I‘ve decided to put and end to my one decade lasting gaming addiction. These past two years have granted the opportunity for my mind to think freely which I‘m really grateful for, although this opened a gateway for a ton of existensialism related questions that I have trouble finding answers to. I have a fair share of problems, well maybe not problems but really hard decisions that require urgent solving that have been tearing me apart for the past 4 months or so. My life is at a crossroad right now. But I think everything will solve itself like it always does. If not...God help :D There have been a few moments throughout this whole year when I was considering going back to gaming, but these thoughts were quickly thrown out the window, since it‘s very important for me to „live my life“ and sustain a clear mind at the momment. I think it‘s a great achievement of me, being game free for two years, but for some reason it doesn‘t feel like it ( stupid Rem). I am still thinking of a way how I should reward myself...Man, whenever I take a look at modern day games like Fortnite or PUBG, I realise that my situation woulda been way worse if I decided to postpone the 90day detox. I want to thank Cam and this whole community in general for being probably the most supportive group of people that I‘ve known on the internet. Without this place I‘d still probably be smashing the keyboard 'till the frieking keys fall out.
  8. Man, I have a fucking burning sensation in my chest. It feels like I am literally being eaten out from the inside. This is the feeling of uncertainty. My life is a crossroad right now, I wish I could say that I am wandering, but I’m not. I have no clue what to do with my life at the moment. I think I’ve hit the period of identity crisis. WOW, how many times am I going to use the word “I” in this entry. Things ain’t going well for me, I mean, they are not going at all. It’s my fault and I am just venting out. You see I am like one month away from graduating high school and I still ain’t got no fucking clue what I’m gonna do with my time on this planet. You see, the main reason why I have quitted gaming because I wanted to be a rapper. I was in love with the HipHop culture and it basically became a part of who I am. But my low amount of dedication and will power combined with the never procrastination cycle made a deadly poison which started slowly but surely to kill me over time. And I think today was the day when it did its job. I am mentally tired of the music that gave a spark to my life. Because I’ve always had high expectations for myself. I no longer seem too like it. Mainly because I was slacking 80% of the time when it came down to making music, that I got so tired of myself being lazy that my passion is gone. It’s all my fault, that I’ve never stepped out of my comfort zone and told everyone who I want to be, that I’ve chose to hide my music from my family members and friends. It’s my fault that I’ve never made moves. HipHop was the foundation of a better life and a new me, but now since it’s gone everything is collapsing. God, I remember I promised myself that I’d stop listening to music in general if I decided to quit my dream. Besides the music stuff, I have no clue what to study or what to do whatsoever. One of my friends chose the option to join the army for 9months and he keeps offering me to come with him, and I gotta say that’s a tempting offer since I’d get some cash and get my name of the military draft list, but I’m no patriot nor I give a crap about the 3k euros that I’d get. Plus I feel like a part of me still wants to do music. I hate myself for not doing anything. Things ain’t going well in my family too (shit hit the fan when I turned 16 or something). There’s 6 people that live in my house and everyone hates each other. This house if full of screams and shouts and anger/hatred that I can’t take it anymore. I basically chose to block myself out from everyone. I wish I had a place of my own. The type of shit that I’ve seen in my family is way to fucking much. I get tired of people sometimes and their problems, because that’s all what I hear most of the time. I feel like I am dying inside, according to Cam sometimes growth feels as if you were dying , I hope this is the case. I’m desperate for a somekind of change in my life. I’m so jealous for the kids that can get back home to a quiet peaceful home. Where everyone loves each other. Man, it feels like for the past two years I’ve been walking on egg shells. I don’t think that I can get my ass into a university or college since basically I’ve stopped studying because of rapping,but now since this idea is fading away…. I am so afraid of what lies ahead of me. I’ve got less than a month for the exams. This uncertainty is creating this awful feeling. Geez I hope that someday I’ll be re-reading this entry again and just have a simple laugh at it, with the fact in mind that things weren’t so bad after all.
  9. @Cam Adair what encouraged you to quit coffee?
  10. Wooot Cam started a Journal Didn't see that coming It's about time you stopped drinking that coffee
  11. Commitment is what I insanely lack. Like what the fuck. How sick in the head I must be not to take action knowing that this dormant state will cause lots of trouble for me. This lack of determination is killing me. I used to think that my situation is very unique, no one feels and is in the same situation as I am. Boyy I was wrong. It turns out that the the simple ingredient that I'm missing is just as you've said leaving all the bullshit behind and finally committing to move forward. It's taking the first step or something like that. But for some reason I can't, it's like I don't care or something. I feel dead, like I've lost the desire to push forward. I don't even know. It's a loop that I can't seem to get out of..
  12. Man, I think I'm in the same boat as you are ( or somewhat simillar). The past 5 months were kinda shit for me. Lots of procrastination, relapsed a bunch of times on NoFap, social media still bugs me. Depressive thoughts pop up from time to time. What's worse, that I've lost the burning desire to accomplish my music dream. I feel kinda empty from the inside. Time runs so fast... Yesterday went by so quick that it seems like it was just today... Like I'm just pointlessly existing on this earth. I feel so fucking stuck. Like a month ago I've started to binge watch this speed run channel. After a while, I found myself watching streams. I don't feel any cravings to game again so no worries. I don't even know why I kept watching these streams/gaming videos. So many areas in my life need improvement but I didn't even make any new changes. IT'S BEEN ALMOST TWO FUCKING YEARS and I've barely accomplished anything. I'm surely one of a kind. I know that this lack of control will fuck me up in the long run, but I still ain't doing anything lmao. Anyway, sorry for posting this here Hitaru, your story just felt somewhat relatable to me
  13. Hey @Plokmn!! Glad to see that you've set up your journal, it will surely help a lot in the future ( just make sure to write here daily). I want to congratulate you that you've decided to open a new chapter in your life. A new begining, a start of an adventure. You seem to have a plan, wich might be handy in the future ( but you have to stick to it). The only advice I can give you is to take one day at a time!! That's the golden rule Have it always in mind.
  14. I know how you're feeling right now ( I'm talking about the driving test). I've got my drivers licence like three weeks ago so I still know how it feels to fail the test and wait more than a month to take it again. It's a pain in the ass, especially when you do some stupid shit. Like wtf. I failed to fully stop near a stop line once... I was so pissed than I wanted to stop the car and just leave it lol. The best part is that it wasn't even a real test, it was a mock test... ( In Lithuania you have to pass the mock test in order to take the real one). It took me 4 attempts to pass the mock test and 2 for the real one. God, those were the days... Even worse, I've got into a car accident while learning how to drive with my parents like two weeks before my actual driving test... My confidence dropped significantly... I had to learn how to be confident behind the wheel again. But somehow I did it. So you can do it too. All you need is practice.
  15. Sounds like a plan! I should probably do something like that in my journal.
  16. NOW Such a powerful word, but yet very simple. Life would be way easier if I did the right things without delaying them. It would be way better if instead of thinking about the the future and what's yet to come, I'd live in the moment. But apparently I can't. Well, that's the reason for my pick.
  17. Passed my drivers test last Friday. Thank fucking god everything is over. I can live at ease now I'm so happy that I've passed it. It was hell of a ride for papa Rem here. With that whole accident thingy I wasn't sure how the heck am I supposed to sit behind the wheel again. I was stripped of my confidence. But I was driving the next day lmao, and the day after and so on... I was doing it till I started to feel comfortable behind the wheel again, even tho it still feels like I'm bout to have a heart attack whenever I'm driving through that same exact location where the accident happened . About the drivers test: The anxiety level on the test day was worse than "his palms are sweaty" . Seriously there was this one moment when I thought that I was gonna throw up at the waiting room. I manage to calm myself down for some time, but after a few mins everything starts to be nerve-wracking again. An emotional roller coaster in short. But I did super well during the test ( only 1 minor mistake). Had an insane dopamine rush when I passed. Felt so frieking happy. I guess that's the feeling of achieving something that you've put a ton of effort to. Geez it's so hard to believe that everything is over.. No more tests no more f*cking driving lessons with my instructor. I can loudly say : Fuck ya'll Driving Test Centers and Fuck ya'll Driving Schools!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jokes aside, I'm kinda grateful for this experience. It taught me a lot about failure, that it takes some time to achieve success etc.
  18. I've got into a car accident today. Man my consciousness is eating me alive right now. It fucking pisses me off that because of my stupidity my mom had to cover up my mess. It wasn't cheap. Even tho my mom says that it's no big deal that a car is just a peace of metal and money is a thing that you can earn back, it still eats me from the insides. When I think about it, that the money that she'd spent to cover up the damage done to the other person coulda been used for some other stuff ( I guess it was for my new car). I just want burst in tears lol. She says that she ain't angry at me/disappointed , and I feel that she means it. It's like she's not worried about it at all and I'm the one who's loosing his mind right now. But god damn I was fucking retarded. Why I was rushing things out ? Why didn't I stop to check if there was a car coming from my right? This day was already messed up from the start, why did I even sit behind the wheel? GOD DAMN IT. Why did the other idiot had to speed so much. Stupidity at it's finest. It's so fucking hard to forgive myself. My only sympathy right now is that time heals all wounds.... And how the fuck am I supposed to even get my drivers license after this experience. ( Here in Lithuania you can drive with a family member that has drivers license while you're learning).
  19. I'm in love with the GQFLAT design!
  20. Huge thanks for spending a crap tone of time to get this site back up!!
  21. That was a little bit blunt. It is my opinion but it sucks that your struggling Rem. I hope you can overcome this and hopefully see it as a struggle which pinpoints an area you should improve instead of life screwing you Naaah it was ok I wasn't really a struggling, it was more of a momentary thought/feeling.To get this clear, I'm not planning of heading back to gaming. I agree with you saying that it's time for me to expand my social circle. I had this thought for quite some thing. But there's so much stuff at the moment in my life that requires lots of focus, that I can barely manage my time and I end up doing some of the things half-heartedly. Nah just tell him whats up. He'll understand - excuses are for pussies, man!... and they don't help anybody, because everybody wonders what the fuck is going on with the person making excuses. Even if you shit your pants, don't make excuses. Just say "I shat myself!" and laugh about it. I agree with you 100% man. I have this problem sometimes, when I find it hard to say no to people. I don't know. It's like I don't want to hurt people's feeling by saying no to them, that's why I often end up saying "No" to them in the most indirect way possible.
  22. Short back story: So like at the late summer of 2016 ( I was like midway through the detox) I joined this clan ( it's a historical game so it's a regiment) of a video game that wasn't released at that time. It was like in an early developement stage or something. If you're wondering "why in the world would he join a clan if he's planning to quit gaming?", I did this because my original plan was after finishing the 90 day detox to start playing again. But this idea got thrown out the window pretty quickly. So this "regiment" had it's own Teamspeak server, so me being a very chatty person on the net couldn't resist the temptation to join it. I got well with the people there pretty quickly. They became my internet friends. I felt like I was being liked and accepted. I fit in very well, wich in real life happens rarely to me. Whenever I think of those hilarious moments that I've had there, immediately a smile appears on my face. But after finishing the 90day detox I've stopped visiting places like Teamspeak so oftenly. Recently, I joined a couple of times this regiments server to check how things are going out for my TeamSpeak dudes. Present day: Holy fuck, one of my internet friends ( he ain't a gamer friend since I've never played with him) wanted to buy me a game so I could play with him and some other people... Geez, this caused an earthquake in my head. Like after months of being game free, thoughts of playing again struck me... Damn, I've never expected that I would consider this topic again... I feel really off track right now. I'm gonna create some excuse and say no in the most indirect way lmao. It still blows my mind how a person that I barely know could buy me a frieking game? Damn, why is this stuff happening to me after like 1 year of being game free...
  23. You better transform to a Healthytaru !!!!! Achieved. Mwahaha! Death anxiety on the rise lately. I feel restless, but I don't have a specific explanation. No panic attacks either, just intermittent peaks of high distress. Maybe it's just the time of the year? The climate? The reminder that sickness and physical decay exist? Sometimes feels really hard to not just despair and lose one's mind. What for? I can't change it. Useful things, focus on the Yeah Hitaru you nailed it! Good job on getting healthy . You know, I feel the same. Sometimes it feels like the stress level rises up for no reason ( or maybe there is a reason). It's like I wake up with it, everything seems to be irritating and pointless. Like I've lost the passion towards life lmao. Maybe it's the weather ( it's raining all the time) or maybe some subconscious thing that I can't notice yet... Aaaaah god knows what it is. The point is to get through it
  24. Well, my first way of doing this "Detox" was like the one you've mentioned above ( separating active posting and mindless browsing ). But I can't, since like after a few mins of posting some relevant stuff I subconsciously open a tab and shit hits the fan . Oh well, maybe when I master self-control on the internet, I'll give myself some freedom. Until then, extreme measures are a must
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