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Dasvira's addiction journal and confessions (starting again...)


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On 11/15/2020 at 9:39 AM, dasvira said:

Yesterday at night I was feeling like trash and took some emergency sleeping pills I have in case my sleeping patterns get too messed up, just after I wrote my original post (I have to work nightshifts most weeks).

 

Brutal. I was assigned night shift 2 weeks in a row a few years back. It was quiet for one, but really took a toll on me. Slept in the car from 8am to 4pm because I was too tired from work. Then drove home. Never again.

2 hours ago, dasvira said:

I'm on a 24h shift today

How is that even legal? What is your set rotation or schedule? Is it straight nights or do you alternate?

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10 hours ago, Bird By Bird said:

Brutal. I was assigned night shift 2 weeks in a row a few years back. It was quiet for one, but really took a toll on me. Slept in the car from 8am to 4pm because I was too tired from work. Then drove home. Never again.

How is that even legal? What is your set rotation or schedule? Is it straight nights or do you alternate?

 

I don't think that my night shifts are that bad, when I consider that I sleep 3-5 hours during them.

24h shifts are quite stressful indeed, but they are a common practice in some professions in Brazil (and I think that in the USA too). That being said, not working previous week and instead having to do 24h shift yesterday was 100% my own choice, so I can't really complain about it.

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Day - 8 of my journey to overcoming my gaming and internet addiction:

Nothing really new, trying my best to concentrate in my studies and ace the USMLE exams.

During the morning I read the Gamequittersforum for about one hour. I don't think it was caused by procrastination or compulsion to surf, but rather a bad management of time. This forum is great and all, but from now on I am ONLY accessing it in the night with a 25min timer (counting right now).

Other than that I surffed for useless information about Apu (of the simpsoms LOL) for about 5 min, and watched a 10 min video from nofap. I also oppened this forum for about 2min after that. No majors compulsions for surfing. It is not quite what I want (which is no surfing at all), but I must say I am happy with my improvement.

My mood is also better I feel a better capacity to concentrate. I also feel that daydreaming reduced by a lot.

 

Facts of today:

Wake up hour - 8:00

Got out of my bed - 8:00

Started Meditation (got done with early morning chores): 11:10

Mind wandering/ wishful thinking/ daydreaming episodes: 10:30

I didn't game

I didnt't watch shows

I didn't see any porn.

I DID mindless internet surfing (but not a lot of it)

I did meditate.

I didn't exercise (gym close on sunday)

I did journaling.

I studied only for about 5-6 hours (1:23 minutes of classes + 28 pages of textbook + 33 questions).

Subjective score for this day (0-10): 7

 

Days without:

- gaming: 08

- TV / streaming: 08

- Porn: 08

- Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00

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It seems like you're making big progress on your goals, keep it up!

 

36 minutes ago, dasvira said:

. It is not quite what I want (which is no surfing at all), but I must say I am happy with my improvement.

I'm glad you can be happy about improvement and not fully getting there right away. I have seen with some of my friends and even myself, get frustrated we don't get the outcome we want despite all our efforts. I now think it's really important to look for the smallest bit of improvement in whatever you're doing no matter what it is. Glad you're doing that

good luck on your journey

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21 hours ago, royal panda said:

It seems like you're making big progress on your goals, keep it up!

 

I'm glad you can be happy about improvement and not fully getting there right away. I have seen with some of my friends and even myself, get frustrated we don't get the outcome we want despite all our efforts. I now think it's really important to look for the smallest bit of improvement in whatever you're doing no matter what it is. Glad you're doing that

good luck on your journey

 

Thank you for your support! As much as I would like to stop surfing immediately and I am sometimes impatient for some more immediate personal growth, I takes time to change bad habits that I cultivated for so long. Any improvement is better than keep in the circle or procrastination and entertainment, playing fucking video games all day long and not doing anything with your life.

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Day 9 - of my journey to overcoming my gaming and internet addiction:

Spent the entire day almost with no surfing, aside from a 20 min surfing lapse in wikepedia (about geographical content). Other than that I accessed gamequitters forum twice but only for 2 and 1 min. I also goolgled a quote I like "Comparison is the thief of joy" and surfed a little bit for about 5 min. Other than that no major cravings for surfing.

I had a little bit of craving for porn today, but I resisted the urge.

My study habits are improving slowly, but steady. I am still not quite in my 10 hours of daily study goal, but I can see important improvements compared to to earlier in my previous week. I am also enjoying to study much more (because I am refraining from doing anything else LOL).

 

Facts of today:

Wake up hour - 7:10

Got out of my bed - 7:10

Started Meditation (got done with early morning chores): 8:30

I didn't game

I didnt't watch shows

I didn't see any porn.

I DID mindless internet surfing (but not a lot of it)

I did meditate.

I did exercise (gym close on sunday)

I did journaling.

I studied only for about 6:30 hours (9:00-11:15; 15:17-16:18; 17:21-20:40) (1:19 minutes of classes + 69 pages of textbook + 32 questions).

Subjective score for this day (0-10): 7

 

Days without:

- gaming: 09

- TV / streaming: 09

- Porn: 09

- Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00

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