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Everything posted by championeal

  1. Been a little while since my last post. Overall, things are well and I appreciate @Pochatok,@BooksandTrees, and @WildRiftQuitter for the solidarity here. I'll have to check out the 500 day celebration post in the near future, to keep my motivation up. I share similar thoughts about online multiplayer games generally taking away more than they give. However, I do have a perspective that there is potential value in single player games. Over the past months, I've been in a phase of transition, leaving a job and just working part-time while I figure out what to do next. Generally, I've been interested in computer programming and specifically game development for a long time. However, simply playing the online games themselves always took priority. In the coming months, I'm taking a route that might be called risky by spending time learning about game development in Unreal Engine. So far, it has given me a good goal to focus on, and helping to reshape how I view gaming in my life. I have absolutely no desire to develop the clickbait addicting games, but instead be a force for good in the gaming world, focusing on bringing games that add value to someone's life. I'm unsure at this time exactly what that will mean for the future, but so far it feels right. - Neal
  2. I don't know if it's a reference but your journal title made me think of this song: Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man) by Styx
  3. That's a good question. At this point, I can recognize the pattern of how I usually start with single player games, which is fine. Actually, I think if I only played single player or co-op games for the rest of my life I'd be fine. But at some point I convince myself to get back into online multiplayer and that's where the disaster happens. Once again, it starts out alright, but slowly degrades to more and more and more of my time being spent on the game until it's the only thing I'm doing besides working, eating, and sleeping. That is, if I get enough sleep, or even eat anything remotely healthy, or am even slightly focused at work. So, I'm trying not to let myself fall into that same trap. I already find myself thinking about playing some single player games, which again, I think would be okay. But I gotta remind myself where that path leads.
  4. You have no idea how reassuring it is to come back and see you still on here posting. Much love. Appreciate you being here
  5. Hey GameQuitters Friends, Day 1. It's been awhile. A long while. Not saying that I was game free the whole time, but times were decent. Not great, but I moved, started a new job. Ya know, it's like as long as things are going alright it doesn't get too bad. I didn't feel the need to full detox until today. My mind is cluttered. Almost feels like it's been in a fog during this most recent gaming binge. I'm sure more thoughts will come out over the next days. For now, I have a quote that stands out in my mind. I've recently started watching The Last Dance on Netflix. I'm a Chicago native and while I was not old enough to remember Michael Jordan in his prime, I still have a faint memory of my Dad purchasing me a Repeat 3-Peat shirt. Sometimes the right thing comes back at just the right time to break through the bullshit. And now, to leave you with the quote. - Neal "I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
  6. Round 4 - Day 4 Today, me and my family went for a long hike at a state park. Climbed under the waterfall. Swam in the pond. Just a good day spent outside. - Neal
  7. Hello friends, nothing like starting over, again... Round 4 - Day 2 A quote that resonates with me today: A Warrior of the Light knows that certain moments repeat themselves. He often finds himself faced by the same problems and situations, and seeing these difficult situations return, he grows depressed, thinking that he is incapable of making any progress in life. "I've been through all this before," he says to his heart. "Yes, you have been through all this before," replies his heart. "But you have never been beyond it." Then the Warrior realizes that these repeated experiences have but one aim: to teach him what he does not want to learn. - Warrior of the Light, Paulo Coelho
  8. Round 3 - Day 5 Talked to an old friend on the phone today for over an hour. The conversation reminded me just how much I’ve changed in the past years. This helped me to feel better about where I’m at now. - Neal
  9. Yes! This is the home stretch. Reading through your last few posts I can feel your positivity. Keep strong til the end 😃
  10. Congrats on putting in so much time and effort to prepare for these exams. Best of luck!
  11. I agree with @Amphibian220 and also will add that it helps to see how the work you're doing has an impact. This adds personal pride to the work we do. @BooksandTrees I'm not sure what exactly your job is. For me right now, I simply work as a barista serving people coffee drinks. Sometimes I find my job repetitive and boring, because it is pretty much the same work every day. When I'm able to remind myself how important this coffee moment is to these people and see the value in my work, then I have good days.
  12. Round 3 - Day 4 Today I had work and I had more energy at work than I've had for a few weeks now. The only thing I've changed is the lack of gaming so that's gotta be it. As far as I can tell, each time back committing to the gaming detox is easier. My first time quitting was hella fucking hard. My second time was pretty hard. This time is hard, but at the same time feels not too hard. The times I'm talking about are the ones where I really took a long break (a month or more). Not the times where I stopped for a day or something like that. I feel like the long breaks are really where our minds have the time and space to change. I'm feeling sure about keeping with it to give myself that opportunity to change and grow. - Neal
  13. This is my 2nd time back posting on the forums and I definitely remember the names of people who have been on here the same time as me. So yes, while I don't know anyone in person, I do notice and appreciate the people here making the same commitment to not gaming that I am. Good luck with your 2nd time back and journaling again.
  14. Round 3 - Day 3 Today I had a complete day off work and I felt like garbage when I woke up so it was the easiest day to say "fuck it" and game the day away and I didn't do that. So I feel like a winner. Even though I spent hours on the computer just browsing, there is something different about that time spent where it is easier to get up and leave and do something different. Gaming will in a sense trap me to the chair. So yeah, I browsed for a bit off and on, but I also read a bunch and did some drawing and helped my family out with moving some furniture. So overall, like I said, today is a winning day. - Neal
  15. Like the bookshelf pictures a lot! It's like a real physical progress bar loading across the shelf
  16. I think this is a good approach. If unsure about what to do, we can still use the tools that we know to help work towards the solution. Journaling is definitely something that has been helpful to me also, and I have also been inconsistent. Isn't it weird how the most simple, helpful stuff we won't do sometimes even though it hardly takes up any time in our day?
  17. Round 3 - Day 2 I wrote a poem that I want to share. The writing for me released a lot of grief and is helping me to move on. A Farewell on autopilot I start up my computer boot up league of legends my first game in front of me like a plate finished and on to the next another one another one is this a seven course meal no, this is an appetite you cannot satiate no matter how many courses and plates plates upon plates hours upon hours I ate I played as much as I could devour Sacrificing sleep Myself, my power until I started to feel more and more a coward and even then it didn’t end on and on and on and on it went league of legends was my life but really, was that all I had to live for No I knew, I knew I wanted more but instead I dove deeper I convinced myself that this was the path I’d chosen and the only way out was through it progamer or nothing I was ready to risk it all risk all my time and really, what’s more worthwhile so time I spent day in day out deeper and deeper as my life became cheaper and cheaper what did I value I don’t know I don’t know I didn’t know I had no fucking clue what to do I was trapped, or I felt trapped I felt my only way out was self-injury the self-inflicted pain I gave to myself every day until I finally collapse and even then kicking and screaming I gave the game up for the first time and oh, it would not be the last time because you see now this had meaning to me sejuani and zac the two that had my back pantheon, lee sin the true strength of men these characters no they’re called champions because for a moment while playing they made me feel like a champion but that moment never lasted and so after years of you stringing me along dangling new skins, champions ranks, game modes, etc. in whatever way that I could rationalize coming back playing again league of legends it’s more than a game to me it’s a part of me my destiny my journey intertwines with games played games won, games lost friends made, friends lost classes paid and classes dropped jobs started and jobs lost So what’s the cost? my heart, truly for my feeling is lost my mind, fools me my thoughts fogged league of legends my friend perhaps now we’ve reached the end you were there for me when I needed you but I think our time is through - Neal
  18. Thank you for sharing this, because it is really well defined and helpful to me in recognizing my own patterns. I think I was in the maintenance phase when I prematurely decided gaming was okay again. Now, I need to work to reach that phase again, and then towards the EXIT sign!
  19. A lot of exciting plans, and definitely doable! I relate to the desire for a calm, slower paced way of living.
  20. Yo fellow gamequitters, I'm back and plan to be journaling daily again as an accountability tool for myself until I feel I no longer need to. Sometime in the 100s days free, I don't remember what day it was because I stopped counting, but I decided it was okay to play games again, because my friends wanted me to join again, and I figured I was ready. This started out as time with friends and transitioned into me doing quite a lot of solo gaming. And truthfully so far since playing again, it has been okay, but that's really all it is, just okay. I am currently what I would call a functional gamer. I keep my commitments and do my job and get enough sleep and eat healthy enough, etc., but I think that gaming again is holding me back from really moving forward. Most times gaming is my boredom elixir. I feel like I am stuck, and need to change things up again to start progressing again. So, here we go again, Round 3 of taking a break. I will be allowing myself to game as way to connect with friends that I already know, but that is the only allowance. This will require extra discipline on my part to not do any single player gaming and to log off when my friends log off. I am considering also setting a daily/weekly time limit so that I am not drawn in if my friends decide they want to use the entire day gaming. I am looking forward to this new path that involves giving myself personal boundaries and space to work towards my goals. - Neal
  21. Day 90 Okay so I still suck at journaling consistently … it’s just not that important to me right now. I’d like to get more consistent at it in the future, but I’ve just been focusing on other things. Okay, so it’s day 90!!! Yessssssssss, it’s kinda crazy to me how those first days and then the first week and then the first month all went by at a slower pace. I wasn’t doing as much at first, and so I had thoughts of going back. Month two and three were a lot easier for me to the point where I haven’t been counting the days. Occasionally I look at my tracker and see where I’m at. A few days ago I saw I was almost at 90 so I got freakin excited! I’m so glad I’ve made it this far and I currently have no intention of turning back. I remember I used to think about a gaming binge once I made it to 90, but now I don’t have that urge (well okay maybe I still have that thought but I’m not fucking doing it). To celebrate this moment I’ve attached some images as a reminder to myself of what I’ve left behind. And also! Some notes on what I’ve accomplished over the past 90 days: Read 7 books 60 minutes physical activity 3 out of every 4 days Relearning how to code Woke up and did a hike to see the sunrise three different times Reconnected with my Dad and brother on a ski/snowboard trip Reached out and reconnected with multiple different friends over video chat Researched the meaning of my family name and my family history going back three generations My goals for the rest of this year: Get a programming job Read at least 20 more books Save enough money to comfortably move out of my parent’s house Complete The Game Quitters challenge Complete The Strenuous Life challenge
  22. Congrats on making it to a full week! Watching the hours pass by in a day will definitely make the day feel longer, and you'll be wanting to play video games the entire time. So then it seems like the solution is to distract yourself so you just don't think about video games, which is a good start. Distraction doesn't work forever though. The other thing to think about is actually giving yourself the space to be bored so you can make a decision. If you immediately jump onto social media, Netflix, Reddit, anything to distract yourself, then you're not really giving your mind a chance to calm down and think. So something I do is pause and think for a minute (without looking at any screen). Something usually comes up in my mind to do. I don't always want to do what comes up (maybe it's chores), but then I choose and do it. Seems like some options for you based on what I read is: Blender, reading, weightlifting, car work, Red Hat certification. "It gets easier… Every day it gets a little easier… But you gotta do it every day — that's the hard part." - Jogging Baboon from BoJack Horseman
  23. Day 66 As you may have noticed, I’m still not journaling consistently, ha… Well, regardless, I’m glad to be journaling today, and I’m trying a new format. I’m in my bedroom, at my desk, wearing PJs and a hoodie, and thinking how it’s been quite a good day. I woke up and immediately got into my stretching routine (been doing stretching for a couple weeks now and my body feels so much better). A couple nights ago I stopped sleeping with my phone on my bed and replaced it with an alarm clock. No phone in bed = more sleep for meeeee. Lately, I’ve been watching Seinfeld in the morning, and that brings me joy. Before work, I tried on some new pairs of jeans I got from Amazon. My dad ordered nine pairs for me to try, maybe excessive, but hey I found a great fit. Then work, and work’s been good lately. It’s been a few months now at the same workplace and so I’m really starting to get to know my coworkers. Feels good. Work is a welcoming place, not that it was unwelcome before, but now I look forward to going so I can see these people. Afterwards, I went to the bookstore and bought the board game Carcassonne to play with my stepmom (I’m trying to get her into board games). First time for both of us, and it was a great time. Simple rules and easy to get into. Can’t wait for the next board game sesh! Now I’m here, and when I read back over these notes, this day is pretty average, but it didn’t feel average. Without video games, even a simple day like today feels more memorable. I’m grateful for my dad ordering me so many pairs of jeans, even though at the time I thought, “ugh dad, am I really gonna have to try all these on?” I’m grateful for my stepmom being open to trying out a board game, because she knows board games are something that I enjoy. Self-gratitude for my commitment to stretching to take care of my body. I’m also about to do stretching after this journal to wind down before bed. I feel disappointed in myself for not speaking up at work today when a coworker brought up politics and was going over the line with nasty comments. I feel sorrow for impulsively using social media in the in-between times today. My goal is to use these reflections to improve upon myself for tomorrow. - Neal
  24. I just put the books you said on my list. They look like great selections! It's definitely a wide variety like you were saying. I just finished John Barleycorn by Jack London, which is a memoir about his struggles with alcoholic addiction. I could really relate to the story even though it was a different addiction. He talks a lot about how he didn't think about alcohol much, but it was just the thing to do to hang out and get to know people. Very similar in my mind to the internet, social media, and video games nowadays. It's just the thing people do without thinking about it. It was written awhile ago, so keep that in mind, but I otherwise I definitely recommend.