A collection of thoughts.

[NannerZ]

Day 77: July 21, 2019

Most of my day was spent at work today. Not a great health day but not terrible. Spent 7 hours at work, then stopped by my mother's house for a spaghetti dinner. Met up with a friend afterwards and we grabbed some iced coffee's and walked / talked for 90 minutes. Had a fun conversation with a co worker today also, looking forward to the next time we can talk. Haven't missed a single day of pushups yet which is awesome.

I'm very excited to start a new week tomorrow. I'm determined to make this week my best week of the entire detox. I'm going to take everything I've learned about meal prep, exercise, scheduling, and my problem areas, and absolutely crush this week. It all begins with making tomorrow a great   day   morning and then go from there.

100 push ups a day counter: 17

no fap: 16 days

 

[BooksandTrees]

21 hours ago, NannerZ said:

Day 77: July 21, 2019

Most of my day was spent at work today. Not a great health day but not terrible. Spent 7 hours at work, then stopped by my mother's house for a spaghetti dinner. Met up with a friend afterwards and we grabbed some iced coffee's and walked / talked for 90 minutes. Had a fun conversation with a co worker today also, looking forward to the next time we can talk. Haven't missed a single day of pushups yet which is awesome.

I'm very excited to start a new week tomorrow. I'm determined to make this week my best week of the entire detox. I'm going to take everything I've learned about meal prep, exercise, scheduling, and my problem areas, and absolutely crush this week. It all begins with making tomorrow a great   day   morning and then go from there.

100 push ups a day counter: 17

no fap: 16 days

 

Meal prepping, exercise, and scheduling is really great. I'm glad to see you're doing that. Meal prepping is great because there might be days where you're exhausted or depressed after or during work and don't want to eat correctly or cook dinner. So a good choice turns to a bad choice for unhealthy fast food (relates to your chart above). It also saves money, makes you feel better if you cook right, and is great for your new routine.

Also, congrats on 16 days no fap. The most I could do is 21. It's a bear and harder to quit than video games in my opinion, but I know it's different for everyone.

[NannerZ]

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Meal prepping, exercise, and scheduling is really great. I'm glad to see you're doing that. Meal prepping is great because there might be days where you're exhausted or depressed after or during work and don't want to eat correctly or cook dinner. So a good choice turns to a bad choice for unhealthy fast food (relates to your chart above). It also saves money, makes you feel better if you cook right, and is great for your new routine.

Also, congrats on 16 days no fap. The most I could do is 21. It's a bear and harder to quit than video games in my opinion, but I know it's different for everyone.

Yeah, you pretty much nailed that.  I've tried to just "eat healthier" and it just won't work long term. I can have a few good days and then like you said, I have a hard day or something and suddenly grabbing fast food is an option. Failing to plan means you're planning to fail. No fap has absolutely been harder than gaming. I've had some strong cravings but so far have managed to keep it going. I'd like to try and do 60+ days but we'll see. Thanks for your support !

Day 78: July 22, 2019

A nearly perfect health day. The only thing I could nit pick is I had 2 cups of coffee to start the day. I don't even use sugar anymore however, just 1 packet of stevia. Eggs and fruit/veggies for breakfast. Chicken, veggies, sweet potato fries and salad for lunch. Salad, carrots, and protein bar for dinner (at work), protein shake on the way home. And I'm gonna have an apple or something shortly. The plan is for every day this week to look similar to today. I'm sick of half-assing this attempt to get fit, I want to go all in. I'm down 12lbs since May 6th but I want to supercharge the results.

Not much exciting happened today, just gonna go watch some netflix and relax. Looking forward to another good day tomorrow.

100 push ups a day counter: 18

No fap: 17 days

[BrassWolf]

dos tazas de cafe!

We are human and for many people to take on every single habit change there is in the world you are going to find out what your priorities are real quick by which habits slip. When one of the new habits (or two/three depending on your support network and will power levels) becomes automatic, then work on the next area of improvement. If you are really focused on no games, push ups, and no fap then I'd say having as much success as you are having on the food front is very human and quite good at that! Keep it up!

[NannerZ]

@BrassWolf Thanks again for your advice and support. Things continue to go well and another couple of weeks like this one (so far) and I could be in uncharted territory.

Day 79: July 23, 2019

Another great day for food. Although as I sit here typing this I'm starving and can't stop thinking about getting some sort of snack.

Didn't get up to a lot today. Worked 5 hours in the evening, had some good conversations with co-workers. Went for a short grocery trip this morning so I'm all set up to continue with my meal plan. Tomorrow should be a busy day, work in the AM, visit mom after work for food, then when I get home I have to do like 3 loads of laundry and meal prep. This is what adulting is like I guess. Onward I go.

100 push ups a day counter: 19

no fap: 18 days

[30_yrs_of_gaming]

Excellent job, man! Impressive. Keep going. ?

[NannerZ]

Day 81: July 25, 2019

Was so busy yesterday, I couldn't / didn't feel up to writing. It wasn't a great day health wise but I did get a lot done. Three loads of laundry, meal prep for the next 5ish days, worked 6 hours, and did my push ups.

Today I was also quite busy, spent most of the day at work. Was so boring. None of my favorite co-workers to chat to seemed to be working today, so I mostly was bored outta my skull. Couldn't stop thinking about / looking at girls. Not having that gaming fog anymore on top of my now 20 day no fap streak.. damn it's getting hard not to notice all the sundresses. But I do feel like it's lit a fire in my belly to get this handled. Top priority remains my health, both physical and mental. But it sure would be nice to see some progress in that area soon.

So excited to have my first day off in 8 days tomorrow. The plan for tomorrow is to have 3 great meals, hit the gym for a great workout, and run a few small errands. Could host a few friends tomorrow evening also which should be fun.

100 push ups a day counter: 21

no fap: 20 days

[BrassWolf]

Keep up the great progress man! What kinds of things are you doing for healthy meals and work outs?

[NannerZ]

14 hours ago, BrassWolf said:

Keep up the great progress man! What kinds of things are you doing for healthy meals and work outs?

Thanks! In the morning I usually have 2 scrambled eggs (want to increase to 3 soon and then eventually 4),  celery sticks with peanut butter, and tomato slices for breakfast. And meal prepped chicken, veggies, and sweet potato for lunch & dinner. I'm doing this diet program called "The science of fast weight loss"       My workouts are varied. Usually I do 30 mins on the eliptical for cardio, then I usually concentrate on 2 muscle groups at the gym (shoulders & biceps, Chest & back, etc) I have a 23 day streak of 100 push ups a day going also. Sometimes I do some yoga at home as well. I'm not working out enough though.. I'm going to start scheduling my workouts into google calendar starting Monday. Thanks for your support! ?

Day 83: July 27, 2019

Mistakes were made. Oops. I've had some bad meals the past couple of days, I wasn't strict enough, not disciplined enough. I got lazy and just wanted some comfort food. Bleh, whatever. This week started off very strong but I took my eyes off the goal for a moment and all those old habits came rushing back. I won't dwell on it, I will move forward with new plans.

I've decided to implement some new strategies for next week and beyond. I'm going to take another day tomorrow to think about it but I have a lot of ideas about how I can improve my performance and really reach peak performance levels. I will write a more detailed entry tomorrow about what I plan to do. Onward I go.

100 push ups a day counter: 23

no fap: 22 days

 

[fawn_xoxo]

Just wanted to say well done man! It's inspiring to see how you've been consistent. We can't be perfect, nobody is, but imho your mindset about moving on from some imperfect choices is what brings a person closer to their goals.

NoFap 22 days! Would you care to share your experience with libido, triggers and how you've managed so far, compared to how you viewed it and dealt with it before? If it's too personal that's no problem! 

[BrassWolf]

Your food routine sounds similar. When I am in the routine of eating better, I tend to stick to ideas provided from Athlean-X and then I'll try to modify those as I become more and more comfortable with ingredients. Lots of chicken is the short answer! Breakfast can be oatmeal with walnuts and fruit, or eggs sometimes, and whole wheat waffles sometimes too. Just depends on the day!

Thanks for your ideas!

[NannerZ]

On 7/28/2019 at 1:58 AM, fawn_xoxo said:

Just wanted to say well done man! It's inspiring to see how you've been consistent. We can't be perfect, nobody is, but imho your mindset about moving on from some imperfect choices is what brings a person closer to their goals.

NoFap 22 days! Would you care to share your experience with libido, triggers and how you've managed so far, compared to how you viewed it and dealt with it before? If it's too personal that's no problem! 

Thank you Fawn. I appreciate your thoughts on my journal always.

I'll try my best to share my experience. Being vulnerable has been good for me on this journey so far.  I've now completed day 25 of no fap which felt impossible a few short weeks ago. I've always been extremely attracted to beautiful women. I consider myself a so called "nice guy" and kind of just assumed that eventually the girl of my dreams would notice me and then boom, done. Don't get me wrong, I've had a few relationships along the way, but for the most part my dating life has been nothing short of a huge disappointment / failure. This repeated failure played right into my gaming addiction and subsequently my PMO addiction.  I wanted a girlfriend. I couldn't get one. I gamed because I didn't have to think about how I didn't have/ couldn't get a gf. I watched porn because I got to see what I couldn't see in my real life. And this vicious cycle repeated for the last 15 years or so.

I'll be honest, a big reason I started this detox was I wanted more control over my dating life. I want to be a confident man. I want to attract and date quality women. My triggers for fapping in the past were mostly just boredom. Oh, looks like I've got some free time? Cool, I'll just watch this video and fap. I didn't really manage it before, if I felt like fapping I would fap. I felt like it wasn't hurting anyone, and I justified it because it wasn't happening for me with women in the real world. I don't feel like my libido has risen too much since starting no fap. I see dozens of attractive women a day at work and I definitely take some lingering looks, but I don't think it's much worse than it was when I fapped every other day.

I manage it now by putting as much space as possible between me and the porn. I deleted my collection and all my browser history. There have been moments of boredom where the old programming in my brain kicks in and I feel sudden urges for a fap sesh but I acknowledge the craving for what it is and try to do something else until the craving passes. Is it easy? No, of course not. My no fap streak has reached the point where the streak itself is more important to me than giving in to my basic instincts. I had a 20ish day streak early on in my detox also and when I finally caved, I ended up going right back to fapping almost every day. I'm just not okay being a slave to my basic urges anymore. Will I fap again? Almost certainly. But I'm going to keep the porn on the dark corners of the internet for now.

Have I noticed anything so far? It's hard to say really. I do feel like a fire in my belly, like a motivating force pushing me towards my health & fitness goals, as well as my social goals. I feel like I want to be around women more often, talk to them, spend time with them. I'm definitely more confident around them. It's really hard to quantify something like this. But I want to keep this going for now and discover for myself. Maybe, I'll update my progress another time.

But I encourage anyone who's interested to educate yourself on internet porn and how it's affecting your brain. I of course recommend the excellent Gary Wilson ted talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

As well as yourbrainonporn.com and nofap.com 

That's probably a lot more than you asked for haha, hope that helps.

 

[fawn_xoxo]

It's a precious answer exactly because you're offering your honest opinion and your experience with it. Thank you for sharing, this was enlightening, especially because most people in the real world seem to think PMO has no consequences and you shared what you see changing within you after abstaining from it. ?

[NannerZ]

Day 87: July 31, 2019

I've been real busy and haven't been able to write a proper entry for a few days. I haven't had the best few days, I've indulged quite a bit. I won't dwell on anything I've done. Each mistake I've made on this journey has taught me something about myself. I will take everything I've learned from my 87 day journey and continue onward.

I finally have some time off now as I've got the next 2 days off of work. I have big plans for tomorrow. I'm going to eat healthy and clean all day, I'm going to meal prep a bunch of chicken, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to schedule all my week's workouts, I'm going to record everything that goes into my body, and I'm going to write a long detailed journal entry.

Try hard mode begins tomorrow.

100 push ups a day counter: 27

no fap: 26 days

 

[NannerZ]

Day 88: Aug 1

I accomplished most of what I planned for today. The most important things were to go to the gym and do my meal prep. Got both of those done. I still need to schedule my workouts and record my meals tomorrow. I'll save the long post for tomorrow. The intention is for tomorrow to be an exceptionally productive day.

100 push ups a day counter: 28

no fap: 27 days

[Ikar]

Interesting thoughts on nofap. I have mixed feelings about it, but I had that about quitting games too.

[BrassWolf]

Yeah, the porn industry is just as addicting and really creates issues in real-world sexuality in the long run. Some people really can't do something sexually without there being a screen in front of them if they go in too deep. It's quite the black hole. 27 days is a good start!

 

[NannerZ]

Day 92: Aug 5

Ugh, I've been so busy I haven't been keeping up with my journal lately. I have another long day tomorrow but then things slow down for a few days and I'll be able to get all my thoughts out on a big post which I've been thinking about for days.

As you can see I've passed 90 days on my journey. But don't congratulate me yet, I relapsed back around the 40 day mark. So for me 90 days clean will be sometime around days 130 or so. Even though I've essentially been game free for 85 of 90 days, I still want to reach the 90 consecutive day mark before I throw a parade.

Had a really good day at work today. Talked a bunch with lots of different co-workers,  I may have even made plans to hang out with this really cool girl sometime, fingers crossed. My social game has probably been the biggest beneficiary of my new lifestyle changes since I started this detox.

Still going strong with my push ups and no fap stuff. Although I've had some shaky meals the past few days, today was clean. And I'm confident I'm going to continue to operate at a high level. Onward I continue.

100 push ups a day counter: 32

No fap: 31 days

[NannerZ]

Day 93: Aug 6

Another long day behind me and I'm exhausted. Had some good conversations at work again today. I've come such a long way in this department since day 1, really happy with the progress and I know I'm heading in the right direction. I did cave in and have a bad meal tho. Things start to slow down for me tomorrow however. I only work twice in the next 6 days so I'm going to be able to write out all my plans and schedules on my journal here, either tomorrow or Thursday for sure.

Not much else to say, onward I continue.

100 push ups a day counter: 33

No fap: 32 days

[NannerZ]

Day 96: Aug 9

I'm not disciplined enough and it's starting to piss me off. Many things are going well in my life, certainly much better than 96 days ago. But I'm still not operating at a level I'm proud of, I know I'm not putting enough effort into things lately. Life is challenging. Today I had all these ambitious plans, I was going to eat clean, check out this store I've been thinking about going to for months, and hit the gym. Instead I got a phone call to come into work and suddenly my ambition just faded. I ate like total garbage today and didn't get to the gym.

I'm going to fix this, I don't care how hard it is, I'm going to become the man I want to be. I know the tone of this post is negative, I should clarify by saying that my standards and expectations of myself have risen greatly since day 1 and I'm no longer satisfied with the status quo. I'll have plenty more to say in the next day or so but gonna keep it short for today. I will make a life for myself that I'm proud of.

100 push ups a day counter: 35

no fap: 35 days

Edited August 10, 2019 by NannerZ
cuz

[NannerZ]

Day 97: Aug 10

My priorities are not in order. Things are not going well lately, and it's starting to affect me emotionally. My attention is not where it needs to be and things are starting to fall apart. I'm making the same mistakes over and over again. Thankfully I have the next two days off work and have plenty of time to get things in order. I need a big reality check tomorrow in order to get back on track. Really frustrated right now. Fml

100 push ups a day counter: 35

no fap: 36 days

 

[BooksandTrees]

19 hours ago, NannerZ said:

Day 97: Aug 10

My priorities are not in order. Things are not going well lately, and it's starting to affect me emotionally. My attention is not where it needs to be and things are starting to fall apart. I'm making the same mistakes over and over again. Thankfully I have the next two days off work and have plenty of time to get things in order. I need a big reality check tomorrow in order to get back on track. Really frustrated right now. Fml

100 push ups a day counter: 35

no fap: 36 days

 

Could you elaborate on things that are not in order, how they fell apart, and what you can do to put them back in order or create a better order with safe-fails to prevent the same mistakes from happening?

[AssellusPrimus]

Hey Nannerz, 

Really enjoy reading your journal entries, any tips on managing cravings on day offs when you have a lot of unscheduled time?

[NannerZ]

On 8/11/2019 at 6:24 PM, BooksandTrees said:

Could you elaborate on things that are not in order, how they fell apart, and what you can do to put them back in order or create a better order with safe-fails to prevent the same mistakes from happening?

Sure. I was intentionally being vague when I wrote this because I didn't feel comfortable sharing certain aspects of my struggles. After reflection, I feel comfortable enough sharing some of what went wrong. I never really wrote down anywhere what my priorities are (or were) so I'll try to share them now.

- Get to a better / healthier place with my mental health.

- Improve my physical health by losing all the excess weight (approx 30lbs now)

- Drastically alter my diet from one extremely high in carbs, fat, calories, and sugar, to one based more on natural foods.

- Improve my social skills / game. Grow my social circle and make some new friends at work (which I started only 2 months ago) or elsewhere.

Doing all of those things would help me with some of the self worth, self esteem, and confidence issues I've dealt with for many years. And ultimately..

- Start dating quality women.

How did they fall apart? I got the priorities mixed up. I mentioned improving my social game was important to me. When I started this job I told myself I would try very hard to talk to anyone I could at work, especially girls. It's actually been a resounding success tbh. I've been more social these past 2 months than like the previous 6 combined probably. Anyway, I've made a lot of progress with different girls but I'm still terrible at reading them or understanding them. There was this one girl who I thought was into me and.. long story short, she probably was just being nice. I made the stupid mistake of believing kindness equals interest. Nothing embarrassing happened or anything but it was just kind of a reality check that hurt a little. I tried to put the girl stuff ahead of everything else and the house of cards blew over. It was a week where I just couldn't get anything going. Missed all my gym sessions, ate a bunch of crappy food, emotions were a mess. My priorities were not in order.

How can I prevent this from happening again? Well I learned from the mistake I made most importantly. But I've gone ahead and begun to schedule my week using google calendar. Things tend to get done when you give them a time and place to exist in your life. I've written about this in more detail in my post below. Girls have kind of always been my weakness but I think I've created a structure that works for me and can allow me some flexibility.  Hope that answered your question, lemme know if you'd like to know more. I tried to be as forthcoming as possible without sharing anything I wasn't comfortable with. Thanks for reading!

 

11 hours ago, AssellusPrimus said:

Hey Nannerz, 

Really enjoy reading your journal entries, any tips on managing cravings on day offs when you have a lot of unscheduled time?

Cravings for games? It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be tbh. Make sure everything gaming wise is out of sight, it can't be a part of your environment. My roommate always leaves junk food on our kitchen table and guess what happens? I see it when I come down to the kitchen because I'm hungry and I eat it. So I had to get him to keep that stuff in his room. Same concept with games. Increase the distance between you and the games. Sometimes I think of installing a game but somewhere between downloading and installing the shame kicks in and I realize I'm about to relapse. I plan to play again casually some day but I'm just not ready yet, I have so much to take care of in my life first. Priorities.

Cravings for fap? Definitely harder than games for myself personally. The first 20-25 ish days are the worst. Boredom was always a trigger for me, and these days while I'm not gaming I do experience periods of boredom where the cravings can come and be intense. Again, I suggest to delete whatever you have and block access to porn if possible. My streak has reached a point where the streak is more important to me than giving in to what I know is just old programming in my brain. Educating myself on the no fap movement has helped me personally as well. When you realize you're basically no better than a lab rat hitting the lever over and over so he can get his dopamine hit, you feel kinda disgusted with yourself.

Hope that helps man. I'm on day 38 now which felt impossible 38 days ago but it gets easier. And it feels good not to be a slave to it anymore.

[NannerZ]

Day 99, Aug 12

I wasn't pleased with my progress recently and it was really starting to affect my emotions. I've been stuck in the mud, not making progress like I had earlier in the detox. So I knew I needed to have a plan to get back on track. The first thing I did was schedule my week in my google calendar. I did this because things I wanted to do were not getting done. Last week I had plans to go to the gym multiple times and I only went once. What gets scheduled gets done.

 

I've also started a new habit of planning my meals for tomorrow the night prior. This is not represented on the calendar above, but it's important to note. I really had a bad week of food last week and I've been so upset with myself. On top of planning the meals, everything I eat gets recorded into myfitnesspal so I can maintain accountability for what goes into my body. The minimum goal for this week is to make at least 3 gym trips. I've scheduled 2 for my days off (already crushed the one today) and up to 5 optional gym visits that fit best into my schedule.

I really need this to be a great week for me. I want to be making progress in my life. This is the only way I can see myself getting away from all those old hard to break habits. Wish me luck. I'll be back tomorrow with a progress update.

100 push ups a day counter: 36

no fap: 38 days

 

Edited August 13, 2019 by NannerZ
cuz