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About NannerZ

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  1. Day 16: May 21, 2019 Today was a good day. Put in one of my best workouts yet at the gym. Walked for approx 110ish minutes today. Ate clean all day long. I've created a habit where I walk to the cafe almost every day which is good, however I order a tea with cream and sugar also which is not good. It's the only questionable thing I put in my body most days of this detox.. I think I'm going to try to cut out this habit next week and pay closer attention to the scale to see if it helps. It's funny to see how far I've come already.. in the past I would do this every day without blinking, on top of tons of other terrible food choices. Now I'm very careful about what I put in my body. If I do this half-ass I will get half-ass results and I don't want that. The job interview I had last week called and asked for my references which is good. I might actually have to choose between this job and my old one which could be interesting. Too early to tell, I'll worry about that later. Much more emotionally stable today than yesterday, I think I just didn't keep busy enough yesterday and let my mind wander too much. No gaming, no cravings. I won the day 16 days since I played a video game 16 days since I watched porn 16 days since I smoked weed 16 days since I ate junk food 16 days since I drank pop
  2. Day 15: May 20th, 2019 Today was mostly a good day. The bathroom scale continues to move in the right direction which is awesome. I walked to the gym today and put in 50 mins of cardio exercises. Managed to walk for about..100 minutes or so today also. Ate healthy meals today and drank a bunch of water. I walked to the coffee bar today and spent some time at the cafe studying and watching some game quitters videos. I think it's important that I stay motivated and inspired. I've failed at trying to change my life enough times to know that motivation and inspiration are fleeting and they don't last unless you take the time to nurture them. Here's a great quote from Zig Ziglar, "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily" I was quite bored today for periods of time and it made me realize how fucking lonely I am. I barely have any friends. I wish I had a girlfriend so bad, but I have no idea how to get one. It's so clear to me now why I gamed so much. When I gamed I wasn't thinking about how I needed more friends or how badly I wanted a girl in my life. I always wanted those things I just didn't know how to get them so I gamed instead. I couldn't take my eyes off this cute girl with purple hair at the cafe today, feels so hopeless sometimes. Bah whatever, this is just a challenge I need to overcome. I think for the first 60 days of my detox I want to remain very focused on my health goals as my primary pursuit. Continuing my fitness and weight loss journey will bring me self worth, confidence, and bravado. I think at day 60 I will begin to focus my efforts on how I can meet more friends, especially girls. Maybe it was just a bad day and I had too much time to think and I got down on myself. I genuinely feel much better than I did about myself today than I did on day 1 and that's what really matters. There is now a reality where I can achieve my goals, where I'm actually living my life the way I want to.. that wasn't the case a few weeks ago. I just sat around and hoped something would change someday, it doesn't work like that. How the fuck could I not see this before? In all seriousness tho, I'm happy right now. I'm proud of myself. I'm getting shit done. I'm living my life. I will rise to the challenge and I will live up to my expectations of myself. No gaming, No fap, no porn, I won the day. 15 days since I played a video game 15 days since I watched porn 15 days since I smoked weed 15 days since I ate junk food 15 days since I drank pop
  3. I did not know this. I have never experienced waking up and having a 'release' But I only think I've gone past 21 days no fap.. maybe twice ever? I wonder if it will happen to me eventually. I'm not having sex right now unfortunately so I suppose I'll find out soon if I will release naturally haha.
  4. Day 14: May 20th, 2019 (the next morning) Two weeks of no gaming. My first minor milestone I think. Yesterday was a busy day with multiple things I had to do and couldn't journal until now. Yesterday may have been my worst health day so far but I don't particularly care. I had to visit my mom and in the evening I had friends over to watch Game of Thrones finale and there was going to be pizza. I knew I was going to refocus heading into my 3rd week so I allowed myself some slack. I'll keep it brief as I want to reflect on the 2 weeks so far rather than 1 day where things were a little wacky. Two week checkpoint What has gone well: 1) I've lost 4.4 pounds in 14 days. A promising start. If I maintain that pace and my math is decent I should lose approx 30 pounds by the end of the detox. That would be the lightest I've been in a long long time. I know big changes like this don't happen overnight but I just want this so bad. I've tried to lose weight dozens and dozens of times over the last decade and failed each time. The one thing different about this attempt is I no longer have gaming in my life to pull me away from what's really important to me. After I finish this post my best health week yet begins. 2) No gaming, no porn, no fap, no weed, no pop, and no junk food purchases in 14 days. I've had a few bad meals in the two weeks yes but I haven't gone out and purchased fast food every other day like I used to. No gaming has been quite easy for the most part. There have been boring periods of a few hours where I had small gaming cravings but there's no way I would go thru all the hoops at this point just to game for a couple hours. No porn and no fap have been slightly more challenging than gaming but nothing too crazy. I'm definitely committed to doing the 90 days no porn (and hopefully many more days) but at some point I might fap.. I dunno. I think fapping like once or twice a week without watching porn is probably okay and healthy but I'm going to try to abstain for as long as possible for now. No weed has been the easiest so far, no cravings and shouldn't be an issue to continue. A few days so far where I've had cravings for a pop but now that I have such an impressive streak going I don't think I see myself snapping the streak just so I can satisfy a craving. 3) My mental health and general well-being. The last like.. 6 months of my life have been an emotional rollercoaster. Some highs and a lot of lows. I had a few of my lowest days ever only 1 month ago. Since I started the detox I've just been way more stable in every way. I'm no longer prone to emotional outbursts. I just generally feel better in almost every way. And for the first time in only God knows how long, I'm actually excited for my future. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and a clear path for me to get there. My dreams feel more like attainable goals now instead of just something I hoped would happen to me someday. What needs work and how can I get better: 1) My mornings. I need to adopt a more up and at them approach to my mornings. I am devaluing how important it is to begin the day on the right path. I'm thinking about this chart from Atomic Habits starting today. 2) While I am no longer gaming I have found myself spending more time looking at my phone. I suppose this is natural as I have way more time now and the whole not having a job thing means this is going to be tough to tackle right now. One thing I can think of is to put my notifications on silent. That will reduce the triggers I get that make me pick up the phone dozens of times a day. Could try other tactics such as leaving the phone in another room also. Not a huge issue tho, I'm way more interested in my quest to lose weight and get healthy than this right now. I can probably list a few more things but I'm going to keep it to these two for now. I will do another reflection post like this at 30 days. I'm committed to having my best week yet and it starts now. 14 days since I played a video game 14 days since I watched porn 14 days since I smoked weed 14 days since I ate junk food 14 days since I drank pop
  5. Day 13: May 18th 2019 Today was a good but not great day. My string of lackluster mornings mostly continued as I nursed my morning cup of coffee far too long before finally getting dressed and heading out to run an errand before hitting the gym. I spoke to my old boss about coming back to work potentially, it sounds like it may be possible. It's still too early to tell what could happen but with things being so complicated in my life right now in regards to my lease being up in a few months and no IT job on the horizon anytime soon, I think this would be a wise decision. I always liked working there I just never saw it as a career for some reason but these last two weeks I've been thinking that maybe this could actually be a good place to have a career. I will see what comes of it but I think at least in the short term it would be wise to return and see what happens over the next few months. I only did 30 mins of cardio at the gym this morning because I was feeling sluggish. Probably because I didn't have a proper breakfast. But I knew the important part was to just show up at all. I am no longer the type of person who makes excuses, I get things done. I also fit in about 100 minutes of walking today and 15ish minutes of yoga in the evening. Got a little studying done also. Lunch and dinner were healthy and as the day wore on I felt better and performed better as I drank a bunch of water and ate clean. Was quite bored for a period in the afternoon today which got me thinking about gaming a little but no real threat of actual gaming. Tomorrow could be a challenging day as I've got multiple things planned. I've got to start tomorrow off right. 13 days since I played a video game 13 days since I watched porn 13 days since I smoked weed 13 days since I ate junk food 13 days since I drank pop
  6. You can do it! In regards to the journal, I've found so far that it has been a great accountability habit. Multiple times I've stopped myself from doing something I shouldn't because I knew I would have to write in my journal that I made a mistake. I've also found it to be quite therapeutic and liberating at times. Best of luck, I wish you success.
  7. Day 12: May 17th, 2019 Another wasted morning that actually turned into a disappointing first half of the day. I also had more sugar today than probably the last week combined, yikes. I'm not really sure what happened this morning, I just had this laissez-faire attitude for the first half of today and I'm pretty annoyed by it. Around halfway thru the day I knew I was off track and started to feel the guilt about it and knew I had to save the rest of the day or this could be the worst day of the process so far. In the evening I had to fight junk food cravings but I managed to cook myself a healthy dinner and salvage the day. I also did not find time to hit the gym today which is upsetting but I'm still boasting an impressive 10 out of 12 days so far so I'll just get back on track tomorrow. But today wasn't all bad. I lost another pound so that makes 4.4 lbs since day 1. That's a pretty good pace.. if I maintain this pace I could lose 33lbs by day 90? That would be fantastic, I've set the goal at a totally attainable 20lbs. I purchased a $119 tennis racquet for $40 thanks to my family member's employee discount! I'm really excited to play some tennis this summer. I also went to the driving range for golf to practice some new swing techniques and the results were quite good. Big improvement from last time I went so that's exciting. Found some time to study for A+ exam AND read 2 chapters of Atomic Habits. Met up with a friend in the evening to go for a walk in the forest which was about an hour. And just finished up about 20 minutes of yoga as I felt I needed to make up for missing the gym and I wanted to feel some good stretches and poses. All in all, I think it ended up being a reasonable day. Had I eaten better this would have been an excellent day. I must be better in the mornings, It's not a recipe for success to start the day off on the wrong foot. Small gaming craving during middle of day when I was super bored but never tempted to actually play. 12 days since I played a video game 12 days since I watched porn 12 days since I smoked weed 12 days since I ate junk food 12 days since I drank pop
  8. Welcome Victor. Sounds like you've got a bad case of the sunk cost fallacy. There is a video on the game quitters YouTube that can maybe help you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5jnmwt5Q9w Keep writing in your journal, its been a great accountability habit for me. Maybe it can be that for you. Good luck
  9. Day 11: May 16th, 2019 Today was an eventful and rewarding day. I probably wasted too much time in the morning again ( definitely something I need to work on) but once I was ready I walked to the gym and put in 45+ mins of cardio exercises. Took the long way back home so it was probably 85 mins of walking today as well. I managed to get more studying done today than previous days which is great. Been listening to a bunch of productive and insightful podcasts and audio books lately at the gym and on my walks. Really been educational and fascinating. This is another big reason why I'm going to try to walk a bunch this summer. It serves so many of the goals I have, I get free easy exercise, I get to be outside during the best time of year and I get to listen to awesome podcasts and audio books which imparts knowledge and skills upon me. In the evening I went to my mother's for dinner. Helped her with a few things and picked up some free food in the process. Then I visited my friend and we spent a few hours talking and catching up, it was really enjoyable. I told her about my detox and all the things I'm doing now. She's really excited for me and wants to see how I do. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this and who supports me. No cravings for anything today, I kept myself quite busy so there wasn't much of an opportunity to make a mistake. As Cam says in Respawn, I won the day. 11 days since I played a video game 11 days since I watched porn 11 days since I smoked weed 11 days since I ate junk food 11 days since I drank pop
  10. I'm still very early into my detox (day 11) so I'll write about the things I hope to see happen. I hope my journey to become healthy continues to be as successful as it's been so far. I've got 45 pounds to lose to be a 'healthy' body weight for my height based on some random internet site. I hope to build important social skills that I ignored for most of my life. Also improvements in self worth and confidence. Build skills that will help me in my career. Relearn French and practice Italian. Find new hobbies and passions. And of course, an exciting dating life.
  11. Day 10: May 15th, 2019 Hey, look at that, I made it to double digits. Halfway thru May already, crazy. Today was a really good day for reaching my goals. I was annoyed at my not great meal that I had yesterday and I wanted to course correct today and I did that in a big way. I crushed biceps, shoulders and triceps at the gym today as well as 45 minutes of cardio exercises. Managed to fit in a 40 minute walk in the evening too and got completely soaked in the process as it started to rain. I still think I can make use of my time better, there are still periods of my day where I'm just not using my time efficiently.. checking the same stupid social media crap over and over, spending too much time doing nothing in the morning and other times. But its still so early in the detox, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I'm actually super impressed and proud of myself for how well this journey to change my life forever has gone so far. I wish I could fast forward to day 30, day 45.. day 60 and beyond. I'm so eager to see the results. Every single time in my life previously where I've tried to change I've ultimately failed in the end. But this time is different. All of those previous times I tried to change I was still a huge gamer. This time I don't have that to hold me back, to suck up all my time and energy and to numb me from my real life. Anyway.. I'm excited for my future now.. in a way I didn't think I ever could be. No cravings for anything today. A huge win today overall. 10 days since I played a video game 10 days since I watched porn 10 days since I smoked weed 10 days since I ate junk food 10 days since I drank pop
  12. Really dig your journaling style, and I see a lot of my current problems in the things you are describing. I too am at a confusing time for myself career wise and it causes me stress each day. I went thru the same thing you described about the porn addiction and ED problems with my EX a couple years ago and she also had a negative body image of herself. Do you find yourself with a lot of free time? Do you have enough activities to fill up that time you used to dedicate to gaming and porn? You mention "fatigue, mood swings, poor sleep quality, and most annoyingly, painful headaches that don't really respond to medication. I've also felt jumpy and anxious at night." Have you tried weight lifting or working out? I think that could potentially do wonders for these issues. I'm only 10 days in myself but I've thrown myself into lifting and exercise and I'm already noticing increases in sleep quality, energy levels, mood, ability to focus, capacity for learning.. etc Anyway, hope the best for you friend.
  13. Atomic Habits - James Clear. Currently reading it again for the 2nd time and will probably read it again later. Strongly recommended reading for you fellow gamers out there. Has really helped me understand habit formation and how to break bad habits and create new helpful ones.
  14. Day 9: May 14th, 2019 I had that job interview today, I think I did a pretty good job. I don't know if I will get it but I performed much better than the last interview I had. Getting a job is probably the only thing in my life right now that causes me a little stress each day. I cannot go much longer without a job, I need to find anything soon. I will probably have to take an easy job soon like delivering pizza or working in a restaurant or mall while I continue to search for a job in IT. I also booked my CompTia A+ exam for June 6th! Now I have a goal to work towards. I had one meal today I'm not very happy about, it wasn't junk food but it wasn't healthy food either. And it bothered me all day long. This is a good sign. I will use this mistake and learn from it going forward. This shows me how far my mindset has changed already. If I do this detox half ass I'm going to get half ass results and I won't continue to place obstacles in my path. I went to the gym and did 45+ minutes of cardio exercises and walked for about 50 minutes today as well. I studied a little today but I will need to start to study more now that I have an exam in a few weeks. No cravings for anything today. 9 days since I played a video game 9 days since I watched porn 9 days since I smoked weed 9 days since I ate junk food 9 days since I drank pop
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