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NannerZ

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Day 55: June 29, 2019

Another average day. Had a terrible sleep last night and had to get up pretty early for work today where I spent most of my day. Had a fun interaction with a co-worker. Had several friends over tonight to hang out, chat, eat, and some harmless gaming. Probably the most fun I've had in awhile. I'm doing this entry rather late tonight but I really wanted to not miss a day. I'll have plenty more to write tomorrow.

Game free: 48 of 55 days

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Day 57: July 1, 2019

Ran out of time to write an entry yesterday but I'm back for today. Had a really enjoyable long weekend. Yesterday I worked a 5 hour shift and visited my mom for pasta. Today was Canada day, so I had the day off and went to go see the movie "Yesterday" with a friend. It was really good, charming, and fun to watch. Afterwards we went to a restaurant and had drinks and a nice meal outside in the beautiful weather. We had such a great conversation, I really enjoy her company. I caught her up on all my new adventures at work and she had some great insight and advice. Of course I always appreciate the opinion of a lady on matters regarding the opposite sex. Genuinely feeling better lately.

It's also officially the beginning of the 2nd half of 2019. I'm so close to being back on track to living the kind of life I want. I really want to step up and make the rest of 2019 enjoyable and fulfilling. I'm all set up to have a healthy day tomorrow. Got my meals planned out and failure is not an option. I will be successful.

 

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4 hours ago, Ambassador said:

I'M SORRY

lol

Day 58: July 2, 2019

Spent most of the day at work. I forgot my lunch at home which meant I had to purchase a lunch.. and obviously wasn't able to meet my meal goals again. Why is this so damn hard all of a sudden?? Just a few weeks ago I was having nearly perfect meal weeks. Now I can't even manage to follow a meal plan for a single day? What the fuck. Why can't I break out of this shitty habit? I know if I can just follow the plan 100% for just one day I can start building some momentum and I know from experience that momentum is a powerful tool. Maybe tomorrow will be the day? Guess we'll see.

Something really awesome happened at work today. But for some reason I don't feel comfortable sharing it. Don't wanna jinx anything just yet.

Tomorrow should be an easier day for me. I only have 3.5 hrs of work tomorrow so I should have time to hit the gym and take care of a few other errands around the house.

 

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Day 59: July 3, 2019

Today was not the day I followed my meal plan either. Every single day it's something different.. I'm too tired to cook, I slept in too late so I'll grab something on the way, I forgot my lunch, etc etc etc. I think I've got some sort of addiction to junk food. My brain will use any excuse it can if it means I get to eat junk food instead of cooking. I don't even want to know how much money I've spent on this garbage. I spent some of my free time today watching youtube vids about different ways to do meal prep and alternative recipes. Unfortunately tomorrow is not a great day for me, I have a 5 hour shift at work and there's going to be a couple guys coming over to install AC in the condo which could take hours. So I can't do my meal prep tomorrow but fortunately I am off Friday so I'm planning on filling the fridge with ready to eat healthy meals. Additionally I need to start leaving my credit card at home. I said over a week ago I would do that and I still haven't tried it once. There is no reason why I can't have a great day meal wise tomorrow. I just need to avoid the triggers and I can have my best day in weeks.

Just realized tomorrow is day 60.. other than my small relapse of 6ish days or so I've been completely game free and the cravings are minimal at worst. I really don't expect to fall into that again.. at least not in the short term. I've got plenty of other things occupying my time lately, I haven't really even noticed missing games at all. But day 60 feels like a minor wake up call at least.

 

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On 7/4/2019 at 12:50 AM, NannerZ said:

I think I've got some sort of addiction to junk food.

All the fat and sugar does exactly that to your brain. It triggers dopamine production, it makes you feel satisfaction that goes well beyond the mere satiation. I am an addict to Subway. I have to avoid it like hell. It even tries to convince us that it's healthy because it has some salad in it. It's not. I would rather make a copy at home with grilled meat (instead of deep fried), a slice of cheese, homemade sauce, lots of salad, on wholegrain bread... it's not that healthy either, but much healthier than those they sell. Tastier, also. And helps to fulfill the reward we need for following our plans through. The point is: your brain craves the fats and the sugars, but you consciously avoid those because of your goals. Maybe you can fill the gap once a week or once a fortnight with something homemade that can give in to the brain without compromising your health goals... For instance, you can use chicken, pork or even substitutive meat, instead of beef, change the regular cheese for a low-fat variety, skip sauces (I for one just use a drop of pure olive oil over some pepper, it helps to spread it), and put A LOT of salad (I like spicy things, so I put cress, arugula and thinly sliced radishes for extra-crunchiness), together with your healthy bread of choice. Voilà! A not so disastrous, tasty meal for your Friday dinner that will make your brain know you are taking care of yourself so well you deserve every single bite of it.

On 7/4/2019 at 12:50 AM, NannerZ said:

leaving my credit card at home

Best strategy ever. Compulsive buyers actually use that strategy to avoid buying anything. Since you are going for junk food in a sort of a compulsive fashion, it will help in some ways, but the most important thing is to catch the craving, consciously register it and try to move on your focus to something else immediately, so that you can avoid transforming the impulse into action.

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2 hours ago, Ambassador said:

Best strategy ever. Compulsive buyers actually use that strategy to avoid buying anything. Since you are going for junk food in a sort of a compulsive fashion, it will help in some ways, but the most important thing is to catch the craving, consciously register it and try to move on your focus to something else immediately, so that you can avoid transforming the impulse into action. 

Thanks! Tomorrow I am planning on trying this strategy for the first time. Of course, thanks again for the great advice, I will keep this in mind when the cravings inevitably hit over the next few days.

Day 61: July 5, 2019

Today was a good day. The kind of day I've been trying to create for 2 weeks+ now. I was supremely productive today on my day off. While I didn't eat perfectly, it was an improvement.  I went to the gym and got some cardio work in as well as a chest & back routine. I also officially restarted (and completed) my 100 pushups a day challenge. I weighed myself this morning and expected to see a higher weight than I actually did.. I lost 2 pounds somehow? Probably just natural fluctuation. I was doing really well like 3+ weeks ago but the past 2 or so has been notably poor for food. Made a trip to the grocery store where I picked up what I needed to make sure I can achieve my goals this week. Meal prepped 7 healthy chicken meals for myself today. Assuming I don't forget lunches in my fridge I should have no excuses to mess this up. Did my laundry, ran the dishwasher, and paid my bills.

I took care of everything today on my day off because I work the next 4 days and I wanted to have everything in place so that I have what I need to be successful. I'm going to create some serious momentum in my life. Feeling motivated to get back on track and really take my life to the level I need it to be.

I won the day

100 Pushups a day counter: 1

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Day 62: July 6, 2019

Another pretty good day. Not perfect but good. I think striving for perfection is a fool's errand and a sure way to get discouraged. Spent most of my day at work where I avoided junk food temptations and made it home where I cooked an awesome dinner instead. I even found time to go for a hour+ walk with a friend as light exercise. There's a forest fire in an area nearby my city and today the whole city was smoky, it was actually blocking the sun.

Not much else of note happened today. Going to go get my meals for work tomorrow prepped now because I have to be up quite early tomorrow. Should have more to say tomorrow. But I'm feeling encouraged by my actions in the past 2 days!

100 pushups a day counter: 2

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Day 63: July 7, 2019

Sundays are tough for me to eat great on as I usually visit my mom and she cooks too much food. But I did the best I could today. After 5 nights of great sleep and starting to believe I might be past my sleeping issues, I got maybe 3 hours of crappy fragmented sleep last night because I had anxiety about having to get up so early. Despite the lack of sleep and the early wake up for work, I still managed to hit the gym today and get a good sweat going while crushing my 100 pushups. Sitting here now and I just feel good. I'm so relieved.. I think I just might have steered this ship back on course.

But the part I'm most excited for is starting fresh tomorrow. I'm all set with meal prep and have scheduled multiple workouts in my google calendar for next week. I'm going to log my meals on myfitnesspal, I need to be accountable for what goes in my body. I really need/want this week to be productive and successful. I want to feel good about my life again. I need something positive to drive me forward towards my goals and dreams. Brighter days await me, I know it.

100 pushups a day counter: 3

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Day 64: July 8, 2019

I viewed today as my first real challenge since I had my small relapse of 5 days approx 30 days ago. I also happened to go back to my old job right around the same time so they are likely directly correlated. The shame of the relapse combined with suddenly having 37+ less hours a week to work on myself caused me to fall away from the other goals I had in my life, especially my health and fitness goals. But I've built up some momentum the past few days. Planning and scheduling my free time has been a wise move as I generally know what I should be doing with my free time. I can't believe how for years and years of my life I never did anything like this.. any free time at all would just go towards gaming by default. What a shame, what a waste, sigh.

I accomplished nearly all of my goals for today. Cooked 3 healthy meals for myself and brought healthy snacks to work. Left my credit card at home as an insurance policy in case I got cravings for junk food, thankfully I did not need it today. Also got my 100 pushups in. Logged my meals into myfitnesspal. The only thing I'd like to improve on for tomorrow is to find time to go to the gym. Otherwise, I killed it.

And probably the best part was this girl I've been interacting with a bunch at work told me she "likes" me and wants to hang out next week. I've been reluctant to talk about it on here because I wasn't sure how she felt and didn't want to get too excited only to realize I jumped to conclusions. As I did something very similar very recently. Not sure exactly what "hanging out" means yet also but I'm looking forward to it regardless.

Finally, some good stuff is actually happening to me.

I won the day

 

100 pushups a day counter: 4

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On 7/9/2019 at 1:48 AM, NannerZ said:

I can't believe how for years and years of my life I never did anything like this.. any free time at all would just go towards gaming by default. What a shame, what a waste, sigh.

I feel exactly the same, though I find solace in the fact that my younger self didn't do it wishing harm to its older self, he did it because he was used to, it was the only thing he knew, it was his life and changing it seemed too radical and, frankly, at times impossible for him. It was beyond him not to do it. Now, I am beyond him. It's up to me to make amends with my younger self and work extra hard to ease things for my future self.

You are rocking, mate. Carry on.

Edited by Ambassador
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@Ambassador

More wisdom from Ambassador the wise. Thanks for the knowledge bomb. This is how I try to view it now as best as I can. Thanks again.

Day 66: July 10, 2019

Still going very strong with my new health and fitness goals. Today could have been a misstep but I rose to the challenge. My day begun by being awoken by my phone ringing.. it was work. I was asked to come in for 6 hours, I accepted. I had planned for today to be a 'get some shit done' day. I was going to buy some groceries, do some meal prep, crush a big gym sesh, and study. Now I had to throw most of those plans away on short notice. This is the kind of thing that can break a great streak but I was determined not to let that happen. I had enough time to prep myself a bunch of fruit for lunch and knew I had a chicken meal left for dinner from my last meal prep session. Success! I avoided the temptations and even found time in the evening for a very quick gym sesh where I did 30 mins of cardio and my 100 pushups.

My social game has soared in the past few weeks. Reading "The Game" was helpful. Just a couple months ago I was so lonely I actually broke down a few times. There was an entire week where the only people I spoke to were my roommate and my mother. Now I have the confidence to talk to anyone, it's so satisfying. I never knew how important being social was to me until now. I actually stayed 30 mins after my shift today to talk to this girl at work on her lunch break because we just couldn't stop talking. The conversation was natural and fun. I told myself I would work on my social game and I'm really happy with the results so far in such a short amount of time. 

I won the day

100 pushups a day counter: 6

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On 7/11/2019 at 1:10 AM, NannerZ said:

Ambassador the wise

Hahaha... nope. I just did so many mistakes that, even being a stubborn jackass, I couldn't avoid learning something. Anyway, I'm happy that something I write can be of help.

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Day 68: July 12, 2019

Not much on my mind at the moment. The last 2 days have been mostly good health wise with a couple of mistakes but nothing like what I was doing a week+ ago. I'm a little sick now which is annoying. I caught it from my roommate who's been sick for a week. Thankfully I noticed my throat seizing up a couple nights ago and just started pounding meds because I really really don't want to get sick right now and it appears to be a pretty minor illness so far.

Did meal prep today and some grocery shopping so I'm all set for the next 4-5ish days. Don't miss gaming at all, I've got too much else to occupy myself with now. Not much else to say, just wanted to get an entry in since I missed yesterday.

100 pushups a day counter: 8

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Day 70: July 14, 2019

Nothing too exciting to talk about regarding the last 2 days. Small mistakes were made but overall still doing a really good job. I weighed myself this morning and I lost another pound. That's 12.1 lbs since May 6th (Day 1 of my personal detox) I weighed in at 179 lbs which is also the lightest I've weighed in since July 2014. Not forgetting that halfway thru this detox I completely fell off the wagon in regards to health. I went ham eating junk food on a nearly daily basis for 3 weeks. With that in mind it feels even better. According to an online weight calculator I just used; based on my height I'm still 25lbs overweight. It's not discouraging, it's exciting. I get to lose 25 more pounds and continue my journey to become a new me, a better me. It's a rewarding journey and I'm enjoying it more every day.

I've got 2 of the next 3 days off work and its only a 5 hour shift, so I should have plenty of free time in the short term. The goal is to follow my meal plan and hit the gym at least twice in 3 days. I'll spend some time doing stuff around the house as well as some studying and personal errands. Maybe I can go golfing with my roommate?

I haven't mentioned it mostly because I didn't want to but I've started the no fap thing again and I'm up to 9 days clean. I watched a few youtube vids about it and I think I want to try it out for awhile. I believe that for me personally this could be beneficial and I'm going to try to keep this going for awhile. The cravings for it are much worse than gaming lately but I must push forward. 

100 pushups a day counter : 10

No fap : 9 days

 

Edited by NannerZ
cuz
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Day 71: July 15, 2019

Today was a good day for progress. Cooked 3 healthy meals and found time for 80 minutes of walking plus cardio and a light biceps and shoulder routine at the gym. And I did all this while being sick. Sinuses have been acting up all day which has been annoying. If everyday were like today, I have no doubt that in a few months I'll have lost all the excess weight I've wanted to lose for 10+ years. My goal is to be in the best shape of my life by Christmas. That should be very attainable if I can sustain this level of commitment.

Didn't get up to anything else exciting today, just some boring house stuff. Should be another simple day tomorrow, I have a 5 hour evening shift which should be cake.  Excited about the future.

I won the day

100 pushups a day counter: 11

No fap : 10 days

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Day 72: July 16, 2019

Still some kinks in my programming preventing me from having 'perfect' days but still doing a really good job. I'm still quite sick which is making all of this harder than it needs to be. My nose is burnt from all the tissues I've had to use. Being sick is the worst ugh, hate it so much.

I've got another day off tomorrow. Hopefully I start to feel better because I really want to step things up a notch if I can. The plan for tomorrow assuming I feel up for it is a gym trip, 3 healthy meals + snacks, meal prep, and maybe a small grocery trip if I've got the time.

100 pushups a day counter: 12

no fap: 11 days

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Day 74: July 18, 2019

I'm a bit emotional today. I don't like to journal when I'm feeling a little emotionally overwhelmed because I tend to overreact or be excessively dramatic.  I don't want to start missing too many entries though so I thought I should at least write some stuff down. I'll be vague and not get too deep. What's got me down? Girl stuff. I thought I had a good thing going and now I think it's probably not gonna happen. Sigh. I just don't know if it's ever going to happen for me. Feels hopeless.

On the plus side, I'm feeling better today. My cold is definitely on the way out of my body now which is great news. I think a few more days and I'll be back to normal. Health stuff is still going well but not as good as I want it to. I blame most of it on being sick this week. I want to kick things up to insane levels of commitment in the very near future. I want to use all this energy and emotion I've bottled inside me and channel it towards something that will actually help me. Something that I can actually be proud of.

Cutting it short now. Before I say something I'll regret when I reread this later. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

100 pushups a day counter: 14

no fap: 13 days

 

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I completely understand you man. When I get upset I feel really overwhelmed by emotion and I've said things I regret to people in the past in that state. I always need to express those feelings personally, or they eat me up inside, but I always find myself too dramatic afterwards too. xD

Silver lining: You are still away from games and fapping and you're doing those pushups, despite everything! 

A Game of Thrones Quote: “Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' 'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”

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