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AssellusPrimus

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  1. Day 10 Focusing a lot building healthy lifestyle habits, counting to wake up at 5am and focusing on exercising. Currently I have been spending my days applying for work and involved in the job search. Really hoping to hear back from someone soon, I have sent out applications to about 5 different positions today. Fingers Crossed!
  2. Day 9 I had an interesting weekend, this was the first time I had to decide whether I was going to carry my new routine into the weekend, this included exercise, practicing Spanish, and waking up at 5am. Ultimatly, I decided to give myself a break but learned some valuable things about the need or consistency when building a routine. Furthermore, I learned that when I over eat I cause suffering for myself as I feel to mentally groggy to think clearly and accomplish what I want to accomplish. On Friday I had gone out for sushi and felt absolutely drained after eating for 3 hours with a friend, all you can eat sushi of course. While I enjoy meals with my friends, I realized that not listening to my body and consuming in such large quanities that I feel tired and drowsy afterwards is not the realtionship I want to have with food. After telling myself that would be the only meal I would have that day I countine to eat dinner when a friend ordered a pizza. This caused me to feel heavy in the morning and not able to do my exercise setting my day up for failure. The poor eating countined over the weekend as a reslut of being lazy, as did the drowsy feeling and with it the desire to do mindless things such as watch Game of Thrones and Game. Which I did. I still havent removed the countdown to my steam deletion which will take place on the 31st of May, so I will countinue with my countdown to 90 days. Today I woke up at 8:30 as it was a hoilday but countined with my exercise and practice routine and so far so good. I reviewed my reasons for wanting to quit and am preparing myself to leave thursday to visit my partner in New York! I am really excited to see her!
  3. Wow, was really nice to log in and see all this encouragement from so many of you incredible humans, thank you! @30_yrs_of_gaming I can relate to not having anything tangible to show from your experiences, its like all the time in the end amounts to nothing. So strange, not even a skill which is built, I used to spend years on PS4 and looking back have maybe one friend to show for it haha. @Natalie I think your right about not giving, I am really good at failing, congratulations to you, I see your on day 15, right off the bat, I wish I had that level of discipline getting to day 7 is huge accomplishment to me haha, but then again its all in my mind. So I at Day 4 now, I stopped journaling for a while cause, I didn't want to keep writing about failure, it was kinda crappy. Two weeks ago, I changed my password and email on my steam account and gave it to my GF, so I couldn't access it while its going through the 30 day process to delete it. I ended up creating a new account and playing my faviourite game, but you have to put in 100 games to play ranked and after 30 games, I just didnt want to put the time into it, it felt like a waste having to get all my progress back, so I stopped playing just seemed like a waste of time, I also didnt want to spend any more money on it, cause I just threw out $100's of dollars as I delete my account. Yesterday, I wanted to try a new different, game and I ended up recovering my steam account, and I played a solo player game for 10 mins and it was boring so I stopped. I decided to leave the counter on my steam account, so 15 more days till its permentaly deleted. I don't realy feel tempted to play because I bulit a daily routine that has been helping me manage my time, here are my strageties. Wake up at 5am - When I wake up early, I have time to exercise and study spanish, this helps start my day right and get my endormphines going, I feel good about myself and can almost preform a handstand for 10seconds now. Exercise Every Morning Learn Every Morning Plan Day Every Morning - I have also been eating very clean and plant based, cooking takes up time in my day This morning routine has given me consitancy and allowed me to build different interests and make plans for the future, I think before I was scared to make plans because I would ealsiy flake on people or ignore them if I am addicted. I definite think making it extremely painful to access the game, helped a lot, for me. Changing passwords, and emails so I couldn't access it even I wanted to was very important. I guess I will keep trying to go for 7 days. Thanks for the support everyone!
  4. Was really tempted to stop writing in the journal because I am really not making any progress towards my goals, and I feel pretty shitty and exposed in a sense, but this was one of the main reasons why I started writing and why I promised to myself to continue writing until I finish the journal. While I deleted my steam account, I still find myself pulled to play other games such as strategy card games but without the same level of addiction. I know that this in a way is cheating as well, but I think its a step in the right direction. .
  5. 😫 Gonna need to make a new game plan.
  6. I am having some trouble staying motivated to stick to my goal of no gaming, and haven't been trying to realize my goals as virtuously as I have in the past. I will try re-reading some of my journal to see what happens.
  7. Day 1 The toll that relapsing has on ones self-confidence and esteem is perhaps greater than the actual addiction. Here's a cool video I watched today.
  8. Another relapse haha, I am really feeling like 90 days is a bit a too ambitious for, I think maybe 7 days is a more realistic goal. Relapsing so much is kinda frustrating and taking a toll on my self-esteem, I am not really sure how to deal with really overwhelming cravings which seem like the only way they will go away is to feed the craving.
  9. Day 5 Still managing to stay the course, having a routine and task list has been very benifical. On nights like this I do wish I did't have such a bad gaming problem and infact could enjoy a game to pass the time, harmless right.... I think not! Looks like I will be trying out some new hobbies, maybe getting back into guitar or trying something new like drawing. Funny I went out with some friends to a Bar/Dance Club, and realized it was not my scene. I didn't always feel this way, but I felt the enviorment wasnt for me, I didn't want to stay up till 2 am drinking, I would have rathe slept and got an early start to tomorrow, not a bad thing but reminder that my desires and needs are changing and perhaps my friend group needs to change to reflect that.
  10. Hey Octsober, I felt like that often, in my process, have you tried getting a counselor, I think you raised a great point understanding the trauma and reason for addiction is super important, but how can we even get to that understanding when the big dragon that is addiction is not dealt with, first we have to slay the dragon, and I think then we can seek answers to such questions like why, at least thats what my counsellor said and it has been working. Your doing great keep it up! Sweat today, so you wont bleed tomorrow!
  11. Hey Brother, Congrats on Smashing your Time! I used to do cross country, mad respect for you, those marathons are no joke! I feel you on the goals, perhaps its time to take a break and celebrate do something you enjoy and have a day or week for you! Celebrate your changed relationship with gaming and how lucky you are from getting out that trap! Take a night to celebrate on all your accomplishment and know that world is your playground! Sometimes when im feeling tired or drained, I ask myself what have I forgotten? What are you trying to tell me body? Usually its I forgot a meal, or need to exercise and I feel back to normal!
  12. Day 4 Still Winning! Cleaned my apartment, started applying for jobs, started planing a social media strategy, of to watch the raptors win the play offs with some friends at local pub. Had a beer today, while I was cleaning, and planed on seeing a few friends tomorrow, feels nice to be riding the momentum and starting to have control over my life.
  13. Day 3 Staying busy and productive, recently downloaded todoist I really cool to do list software to help manage and prioitize my life now that I have so much free time. I also got a call last night from a best friend and previous roommate who really had just disappeared from my life and who I assumed had just moved on after many failed attempts to establish our relationship again. He let me know that he had been going through a cocaine and drinking addiction and depression, he had felt so much shame and guilt, and it was the first time he opened up about it. I felt blessed for the first time to have gone through my addiction, so I could support him through his, I went over to his house which looked disaster zone and we spent the night till 3 am cleaning up. Felt really good. I noticed also yesterday, I was feeling bored and went to the liqueur store to pick up some beers and whiskey for the weekend, I don't normally drink though occasionally will have a beer, so i am aware addiction might try to manifest in another way, so I will be monitering closley, last night I had one beer, and I think I will only have a drink on the weekends, I was also really tempted to smoke last night, but I made it through fk ya! I'll be on my todolist now, if anyone has any experience with social media marketing maybe we can touch base as I got a volunteer position and havent the slighted positon how to start.
  14. Great Job Mohammad, keep up the great work! How lucky you are to be changing your relationship with gaming!
  15. Day 2 It's incredible how many times we must fail in order to succeed. While I attempted to delete my steam account, I failed to control myself for the 30 days required for the deletion and found myself cancelling it multiple times. After submitted my thesis 7 days late, and forgetting to show up for an exam, the repercussion of my actions are quit sobering. I again met with my counsellor/dr and he came to the conclusion, though I perhaps had known that we infact were dealing with addiction. He assured me, with his help I could over come it, but I would have to trust him and be ready to test my resolve, I realize that I am running out of options here out of 7 years, I don't want to this life to carry on into my 30's and who knows how long after, so I feel this is my last chance. I grit my teeth, clench my fists, and make it through, once... that one time is important, because I never want to experience the hardship of overcoming an addiction again (gaming addiciton). So 90 days here I come... Another interesting thing he mentioned, was the idea of suffering via cravings after we stop gaming, he reminded me of 7 year sober alcoholic who earns a medal for continuing his struggle 7 years later and winning, as I asked him does the cravings ever go away. He said when you end the relationship with an toxic ex, or behaviour such as smoking, do we still crave the toxic fumes which harmed us and took years off our life, do we wish we had more of the emotional abuse that kept us in the relationship? No, we should celebrate, and feel lucky, that we escaped, I recently quit smoking and I relize now that I am lucky, lucky I am not trapped in a cycle which I have no control over, I feel blessed to make it out when I did, and for everyone who has been successful, I think you should think and reflect on how lukcy you are to have succeeded, why would you want to go back to that? See you all at 90 days, I relize I had a lot a relapses and normally while I would be discouraged to write, I really want to document my process to get rid of the stigma that you have to do it right the first time a failure, I have been on and off of this 3 times because of it, and I am persistent to stick it through until I succeed! Day 3 here I come. Oh I also got myself banned from steam by changing passwords multiple times, and changing the parent email, I set it as a random password, so in order to access the account I have to contact support and go through a very difficult process to validate my identity. Orginally, I was going to set a random password, and change the email address to a friend who doesnt game, but during the process, I just locked myself out which worked as well.
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