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NannerZ

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14 hours ago, NannerZ said:

Sure. I was intentionally being vague when I wrote this because I didn't feel comfortable sharing certain aspects of my struggles. After reflection, I feel comfortable enough sharing some of what went wrong. I never really wrote down anywhere what my priorities are (or were) so I'll try to share them now.

- Get to a better / healthier place with my mental health.

- Improve my physical health by losing all the excess weight (approx 30lbs now)

- Drastically alter my diet from one extremely high in carbs, fat, calories, and sugar, to one based more on natural foods.

- Improve my social skills / game. Grow my social circle and make some new friends at work (which I started only 2 months ago) or elsewhere.

Doing all of those things would help me with some of the self worth, self esteem, and confidence issues I've dealt with for many years. And ultimately..

- Start dating quality women.

How did they fall apart? I got the priorities mixed up. I mentioned improving my social game was important to me. When I started this job I told myself I would try very hard to talk to anyone I could at work, especially girls. It's actually been a resounding success tbh. I've been more social these past 2 months than like the previous 6 combined probably. Anyway, I've made a lot of progress with different girls but I'm still terrible at reading them or understanding them. There was this one girl who I thought was into me and.. long story short, she probably was just being nice. I made the stupid mistake of believing kindness equals interest. Nothing embarrassing happened or anything but it was just kind of a reality check that hurt a little. I tried to put the girl stuff ahead of everything else and the house of cards blew over. It was a week where I just couldn't get anything going. Missed all my gym sessions, ate a bunch of crappy food, emotions were a mess. My priorities were not in order.

How can I prevent this from happening again? Well I learned from the mistake I made most importantly. But I've gone ahead and begun to schedule my week using google calendar. Things tend to get done when you give them a time and place to exist in your life. I've written about this in more detail in my post below. Girls have kind of always been my weakness but I think I've created a structure that works for me and can allow me some flexibility.  Hope that answered your question, lemme know if you'd like to know more. I tried to be as forthcoming as possible without sharing anything I wasn't comfortable with. Thanks for reading!

 

Cravings for games? It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be tbh. Make sure everything gaming wise is out of sight, it can't be a part of your environment. My roommate always leaves junk food on our kitchen table and guess what happens? I see it when I come down to the kitchen because I'm hungry and I eat it. So I had to get him to keep that stuff in his room. Same concept with games. Increase the distance between you and the games. Sometimes I think of installing a game but somewhere between downloading and installing the shame kicks in and I realize I'm about to relapse. I plan to play again casually some day but I'm just not ready yet, I have so much to take care of in my life first. Priorities.

Cravings for fap? Definitely harder than games for myself personally. The first 20-25 ish days are the worst. Boredom was always a trigger for me, and these days while I'm not gaming I do experience periods of boredom where the cravings can come and be intense. Again, I suggest to delete whatever you have and block access to porn if possible. My streak has reached a point where the streak is more important to me than giving in to what I know is just old programming in my brain. Educating myself on the no fap movement has helped me personally as well. When you realize you're basically no better than a lab rat hitting the lever over and over so he can get his dopamine hit, you feel kinda disgusted with yourself.

Hope that helps man. I'm on day 38 now which felt impossible 38 days ago but it gets easier. And it feels good not to be a slave to it anymore.

Thanks for sharing. The awkward moment at work happens to all of us. My strong advice is to never date at work. You never know if they'll say something behind your back, rumors spread, they try to get you in trouble with human resources, etc. Plus, you never know if your coworker is an impulsive and immature moron. It could create lots of office drama that poorly affects your work. 

Based off of experience, even if she asks you out on a date, don't do it. It's tempting because you are lonely, but the mental stress from it is crippling sometimes and can create a great deal of anxiety. 

You're not a fool for putting love first. The reason humans are alive is to reproduce and create more humans. Technically your priorities are good lol. All of us on this website are struggling with new goals because they're new, hard, and challenge our former beliefs in life. 

Take a deep breath and try to appreciate all of the effort you've put into yourself and your goals. Find some activites to take your mind of them as well. I've been trying to fix myself less and schedule more activites to bolster the change I wanted to make. 

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On 8/13/2019 at 1:58 PM, BooksandTrees said:

Thanks for sharing. The awkward moment at work happens to all of us. My strong advice is to never date at work. You never know if they'll say something behind your back, rumors spread, they try to get you in trouble with human resources, etc. Plus, you never know if your coworker is an impulsive and immature moron. It could create lots of office drama that poorly affects your work. 

Based off of experience, even if she asks you out on a date, don't do it. It's tempting because you are lonely, but the mental stress from it is crippling sometimes and can create a great deal of anxiety. 

You're not a fool for putting love first. The reason humans are alive is to reproduce and create more humans. Technically your priorities are good lol. All of us on this website are struggling with new goals because they're new, hard, and challenge our former beliefs in life. 

Take a deep breath and try to appreciate all of the effort you've put into yourself and your goals. Find some activites to take your mind of them as well. I've been trying to fix myself less and schedule more activites to bolster the change I wanted to make. 

thanks for the advice. I think you are right about dating at work. I think because it's my main social outlet right now and the only way I meet new people its probably natural that I'm feeling this way. I want to try to meet girls in another way but I don't know if I'm ready for it yet, rejection sucks a bunch. Thanks again !

Day 108, Aug 21

Wow I haven't posted in a while. I didn't realize it had been this long, it was mostly on purpose but also a bit of laziness in there. So I followed my goals from my last post for a few days before life got too busy again and things began to revert back and I failed again. Sigh. I'm pretty frustrated, I just feel like I can never stick to my goals and something always gets in the way. That being said, today was probably my best day in about a week and I feel good about getting back on track. I just need to generate a bit of momentum and I can really start to perform at the level I want to be. Newton's 1st law states an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. I know this is true because I experienced it already during my detox back in the first 40ish days where I was just crushing it with productivity.

Anyway, I'll try to be brief today. I think I'm at an important phase now and I know what I need to do. I just need to fucking do it. Btw, I'm still killing it with no fap, setting a new record every day that goes by now. Honestly, most days its effortless. I think I may actually be able to pull off 100+ days. Did I just curse myself?

100 pushups a day counter 38

no fap: 47 days

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Day 109, Aug 22

Today was a pretty good day and I'm happy with the way I handled it. Found time to cook healthy meals, work, and hit the gym for a cardio sesh, all while being sick. Being able to say I'm actually proud of my day instead of feeling shame is actually pretty great. The best part of today was I got to talk to this super quiet / shy girl that I've never seen talk to anyone before for like 15 minutes on my break at work today. I've wanted to talk to her for weeks, felt awesome to finally break the ice. It went really well too. Legit pumped right now.

Anyway, I'm going to ride this good feeling into tomorrow and have another good day so I can build that momentum I was talking about yesterday. Then I can start killing it again. Go me!

100 pushups a day counter 38

no fap: 48 days

 

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Day 110 , Aug 23

Yesss, I think I've finally begun to generate some momentum again! It was another good day today. I ate good, worked a shift, got another short cardio workout in, and visited my mom for dinner. I scheduled workouts for my next 3 days directly after work. This way I'll go straight to the gym and it'll make everything much easier to do and allows for minimal interference. Small steps but I'm really happy with my last few days. The best part of today though was I got to talk to that girl at work again today for another 10 mins or so and it went super well. Conversation was flowing and fun, got her to smile multiple times. I felt awesome for hours afterwards haha. I'm so lame. Whatever, I'm happy. 😛

I'm almost over being sick also. Another day or two and I think I'll be back to a clean bill of health.

100 pushups a day counter: 38

no fap: 49 days

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