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NannerZ

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14 hours ago, NannerZ said:

Sure. I was intentionally being vague when I wrote this because I didn't feel comfortable sharing certain aspects of my struggles. After reflection, I feel comfortable enough sharing some of what went wrong. I never really wrote down anywhere what my priorities are (or were) so I'll try to share them now.

- Get to a better / healthier place with my mental health.

- Improve my physical health by losing all the excess weight (approx 30lbs now)

- Drastically alter my diet from one extremely high in carbs, fat, calories, and sugar, to one based more on natural foods.

- Improve my social skills / game. Grow my social circle and make some new friends at work (which I started only 2 months ago) or elsewhere.

Doing all of those things would help me with some of the self worth, self esteem, and confidence issues I've dealt with for many years. And ultimately..

- Start dating quality women.

How did they fall apart? I got the priorities mixed up. I mentioned improving my social game was important to me. When I started this job I told myself I would try very hard to talk to anyone I could at work, especially girls. It's actually been a resounding success tbh. I've been more social these past 2 months than like the previous 6 combined probably. Anyway, I've made a lot of progress with different girls but I'm still terrible at reading them or understanding them. There was this one girl who I thought was into me and.. long story short, she probably was just being nice. I made the stupid mistake of believing kindness equals interest. Nothing embarrassing happened or anything but it was just kind of a reality check that hurt a little. I tried to put the girl stuff ahead of everything else and the house of cards blew over. It was a week where I just couldn't get anything going. Missed all my gym sessions, ate a bunch of crappy food, emotions were a mess. My priorities were not in order.

How can I prevent this from happening again? Well I learned from the mistake I made most importantly. But I've gone ahead and begun to schedule my week using google calendar. Things tend to get done when you give them a time and place to exist in your life. I've written about this in more detail in my post below. Girls have kind of always been my weakness but I think I've created a structure that works for me and can allow me some flexibility.  Hope that answered your question, lemme know if you'd like to know more. I tried to be as forthcoming as possible without sharing anything I wasn't comfortable with. Thanks for reading!

 

Cravings for games? It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be tbh. Make sure everything gaming wise is out of sight, it can't be a part of your environment. My roommate always leaves junk food on our kitchen table and guess what happens? I see it when I come down to the kitchen because I'm hungry and I eat it. So I had to get him to keep that stuff in his room. Same concept with games. Increase the distance between you and the games. Sometimes I think of installing a game but somewhere between downloading and installing the shame kicks in and I realize I'm about to relapse. I plan to play again casually some day but I'm just not ready yet, I have so much to take care of in my life first. Priorities.

Cravings for fap? Definitely harder than games for myself personally. The first 20-25 ish days are the worst. Boredom was always a trigger for me, and these days while I'm not gaming I do experience periods of boredom where the cravings can come and be intense. Again, I suggest to delete whatever you have and block access to porn if possible. My streak has reached a point where the streak is more important to me than giving in to what I know is just old programming in my brain. Educating myself on the no fap movement has helped me personally as well. When you realize you're basically no better than a lab rat hitting the lever over and over so he can get his dopamine hit, you feel kinda disgusted with yourself.

Hope that helps man. I'm on day 38 now which felt impossible 38 days ago but it gets easier. And it feels good not to be a slave to it anymore.

Thanks for sharing. The awkward moment at work happens to all of us. My strong advice is to never date at work. You never know if they'll say something behind your back, rumors spread, they try to get you in trouble with human resources, etc. Plus, you never know if your coworker is an impulsive and immature moron. It could create lots of office drama that poorly affects your work. 

Based off of experience, even if she asks you out on a date, don't do it. It's tempting because you are lonely, but the mental stress from it is crippling sometimes and can create a great deal of anxiety. 

You're not a fool for putting love first. The reason humans are alive is to reproduce and create more humans. Technically your priorities are good lol. All of us on this website are struggling with new goals because they're new, hard, and challenge our former beliefs in life. 

Take a deep breath and try to appreciate all of the effort you've put into yourself and your goals. Find some activites to take your mind of them as well. I've been trying to fix myself less and schedule more activites to bolster the change I wanted to make. 

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On 8/13/2019 at 1:58 PM, BooksandTrees said:

Thanks for sharing. The awkward moment at work happens to all of us. My strong advice is to never date at work. You never know if they'll say something behind your back, rumors spread, they try to get you in trouble with human resources, etc. Plus, you never know if your coworker is an impulsive and immature moron. It could create lots of office drama that poorly affects your work. 

Based off of experience, even if she asks you out on a date, don't do it. It's tempting because you are lonely, but the mental stress from it is crippling sometimes and can create a great deal of anxiety. 

You're not a fool for putting love first. The reason humans are alive is to reproduce and create more humans. Technically your priorities are good lol. All of us on this website are struggling with new goals because they're new, hard, and challenge our former beliefs in life. 

Take a deep breath and try to appreciate all of the effort you've put into yourself and your goals. Find some activites to take your mind of them as well. I've been trying to fix myself less and schedule more activites to bolster the change I wanted to make. 

thanks for the advice. I think you are right about dating at work. I think because it's my main social outlet right now and the only way I meet new people its probably natural that I'm feeling this way. I want to try to meet girls in another way but I don't know if I'm ready for it yet, rejection sucks a bunch. Thanks again !

Day 108, Aug 21

Wow I haven't posted in a while. I didn't realize it had been this long, it was mostly on purpose but also a bit of laziness in there. So I followed my goals from my last post for a few days before life got too busy again and things began to revert back and I failed again. Sigh. I'm pretty frustrated, I just feel like I can never stick to my goals and something always gets in the way. That being said, today was probably my best day in about a week and I feel good about getting back on track. I just need to generate a bit of momentum and I can really start to perform at the level I want to be. Newton's 1st law states an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. I know this is true because I experienced it already during my detox back in the first 40ish days where I was just crushing it with productivity.

Anyway, I'll try to be brief today. I think I'm at an important phase now and I know what I need to do. I just need to fucking do it. Btw, I'm still killing it with no fap, setting a new record every day that goes by now. Honestly, most days its effortless. I think I may actually be able to pull off 100+ days. Did I just curse myself?

100 pushups a day counter 38

no fap: 47 days

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Day 109, Aug 22

Today was a pretty good day and I'm happy with the way I handled it. Found time to cook healthy meals, work, and hit the gym for a cardio sesh, all while being sick. Being able to say I'm actually proud of my day instead of feeling shame is actually pretty great. The best part of today was I got to talk to this super quiet / shy girl that I've never seen talk to anyone before for like 15 minutes on my break at work today. I've wanted to talk to her for weeks, felt awesome to finally break the ice. It went really well too. Legit pumped right now.

Anyway, I'm going to ride this good feeling into tomorrow and have another good day so I can build that momentum I was talking about yesterday. Then I can start killing it again. Go me!

100 pushups a day counter 38

no fap: 48 days

 

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Day 110 , Aug 23

Yesss, I think I've finally begun to generate some momentum again! It was another good day today. I ate good, worked a shift, got another short cardio workout in, and visited my mom for dinner. I scheduled workouts for my next 3 days directly after work. This way I'll go straight to the gym and it'll make everything much easier to do and allows for minimal interference. Small steps but I'm really happy with my last few days. The best part of today though was I got to talk to that girl at work again today for another 10 mins or so and it went super well. Conversation was flowing and fun, got her to smile multiple times. I felt awesome for hours afterwards haha. I'm so lame. Whatever, I'm happy. 😛

I'm almost over being sick also. Another day or two and I think I'll be back to a clean bill of health.

100 pushups a day counter: 38

no fap: 49 days

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That's awesome dude! And you got them to smile while you were sick?! Imagine how much you'll be able to get them to smile when you have the clean bill of health!

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11 hours ago, BrassWolf said:

That's awesome dude! And you got them to smile while you were sick?! Imagine how much you'll be able to get them to smile when you have the clean bill of health!

Gosh, I hope so!

Day 111, Aug 24

Today was an eventful day. Got called into work a bit early today so that threw things off in the morning a bit. Went straight from work to the gym like I planned. I did cardio and my first bicep workout in a few weeks. I can tell I lost some strength since last time I lifted. Went home, cooked dinner, and had to hang out with a friend unexpectedly when they called late asking about going for a walk. I probably should have just said no but now I can say no next time. I've now hit the gym 3 days in a row.. yessss! Momentum!! I know I'll be able to go the next two days as well, because it fits into my day nicely right after my work shifts. If I can incorporate a few more good habits over the next week or so, I'll be back to performing at a high level again and can be proud of myself. I wonder how much of a factor the buzz I'm getting from Colleen is helping? Whatever, haha. I'm such a sheep. :262_sheep:

Btw, today marked fifty (50!!) days of no fap. After nearly two decades of being addicted to PMO, I've now reached a point where it's almost effortless. The thought of breaking this streak for a few moments of pleasure seems like a poor decision I would immediately regret, and be mad at myself about for a long time. I know some day I will break the streak and that's okay but for now I'm going to take this as far as I can. I think it's helping me stay focused on my goals.

Onward!

100 pushups a day counter: 38

no fap: 50 days

 

 

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Day 112, Aug 25

I'm almost over my cold, I think tomorrow I'll be 95% or so. Was a very busy day at work today but it went by at a nice pace. I went from work directly to my mom's place since I usually visit her for lunch/dinner on sunday. The plan was to hit the gym after that but I think I got the order backwards because after eating a huge plate of pasta the last thing I felt like doing was sweating on the eliptical machine and lifting weights. So I skipped it today. But I made up for it by just planning my whole week's schedule and meal plan.

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The past few days I've managed to steer this ship back on course and I'm feeling good about the future again. The plan is to make this week my best health week of the entire detox. It's ambitious but if I take everything I've learned so far and create a system and a structure for success, I think I can reach all of my goals. I want to become a better me and I know living this way will lead me towards that goal. Let's gooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!111111 :337_fire:

100 pushups a day counter: 38

no fap: 51 days

 

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What is this magical place that demands you work only 25 hours a week? 😄

Keep up the momentum!

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9 hours ago, Ikar said:

What is this magical place that demands you work only 25 hours a week? 😄

Keep up the momentum!

Thanks! Haha yeah, I took off the weekend this week so hours are a bit lower than usual. I don't work full time but I'm usually in the 30 hour range somewhere. I have a side hobby I do to make some extra cash.

Day 113, Aug 26

Today was a pretty good day. I managed to have a couple healthy meals and avoided temptation multiple times. I worked a morning shift which I don't do too often but I went straight from work (like I planned) to the gym where I did a solid chest and back routine, combined with 30 mins on the eliptical for cardio. Also managed to do my push ups again for the first time in almost 2 weeks. Went home, cooked myself a healthy dinner, did my work's fantasy football league draft (which I clearly won), and went for a 40+ minute walk with a friend. Basically, killed it. The best part is I'm going to do even better tomorrow. I'm trying to stay grounded and not get carried away but I'm really excited and happy with the way things have been going for about a week now. With football season only 1 and a half weeks away, gaming is the furthest thing from my mind. It should be no problem at all to reach a 6+ month streak. I simply don't want to game anymore, I want to grow as a person, and become the man I've always wanted to be, and gaming won't get me there.

100 pushups a day counter: 39

no fap: 52 days

 

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On 8/26/2019 at 8:49 PM, NannerZ said:

With football season only 1 and a half weeks away, gaming is the furthest thing from my mind. It should be no problem at all to reach a 6+ month streak. I simply don't want to game anymore, I want to grow as a person, and become the man I've always wanted to be, and gaming won't get me there.

 

Just wanna say good work man! I've been following your journal here and there and wanted to say its truly inspiring! I'm hoping to hit that 90 day mark and go beyond it myself honestly. Just wanted to ask how you feel after being 113 days gaming free?

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Day 119, Sept 1

I got busy last week and couldn't keep up with my journal. It was a decent week, it had it's good parts and it's not so good parts. I had a mega cheat day yesterday at my friends place for our big group fantasy football draft. It was such a good time and I crushed it (obvs). But anyway, all that's behind me now and the calendar has changed to September (that was fast!),  I'm ready to have my best month ever. Seriously though, I've had some good days, some good weeks even but I still haven't lived up to the standards I want to hold myself to. I will make September my best month ever. I will put my health first, both mentally and physically. I will be disciplined, and structured. I will succeed. No more excuses, it's time to get to work.

I made really good progress with Colleen too. We had some really good conversations this week. Been a long time since I've been this into a girl. Unfortunately, she's on vacation for almost two months now so I won't see her for awhile. I didn't have the courage to ask to hangout or for the number. It felt too early. It felt like if I went for it now, she would think all our convo's were 'fake' , and honestly, maybe I was afraid she would say no. While it does suck that I won't see her for awhile, it presents an opportunity to really surprise her when she comes back. 50+ days of hard work can make a huge difference, and I'm going to use it as motivation.

But it's not just Colleen. There are others in play too. My game has a long way to go but it's stronger now than it's been in 4+ years easily. I've upped my wardrobe game, hair game, styling game, social game. I go out of my way to talk to girls now. It's been a real help to my mental health just knowing that I can actually attract women I'm interested in.

120 - 150 days ago I was so depressed I actually cried a few times. I saw no end to my shitty unfulfilling life in sight. When I started the detox and began to view myself as an addict, the healing process began for me. I'm still not living the life I want to but I can actually envision a path to get there now. It's actually possible now to achieve a life that provides real fulfillment and happiness. I'm in such a better place today, and I'm really proud of myself for all my hard work so far.

Tomorrow is a big day. It's time to set the tone for the month. I'm ready.

100 pushups a day counter: 39

no fap: 58 days

 

 

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38 minutes ago, RB1 said:

Just wanna say good work man! I've been following your journal here and there and wanted to say its truly inspiring! I'm hoping to hit that 90 day mark and go beyond it myself honestly. Just wanted to ask how you feel after being 113 days gaming free?

Thank you so much. You can absolutely do it! I was hopelessly addicted to gaming for 20 years, never thought I could stop.

I feel really good. My life in the months leading up to beginning my detox on May 6th was possibly the lowest I've ever been. I remember there were some dark days. But in the darkness I found Cam's videos and the GQ's community. I'm soo soo much better today. My biggest area of improvement is probably my mental health. I feel like that life I thought I could never have is actually attainable now. I learn new things about myself and the world around me everyday. It feels good to level up in real life for a change.

I hope all is well with you. Here to talk / help whenever if you like. Good luck on your journey.

 

 

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Day 120, Sept 2

Today was a really good day, a great way to start what I'm planning on being my best ever month. Ate clean all day, did a short workout at the gym, walked for 60 minutes, and did 60 push ups. Planned my day for tomorrow, including my meals, and a short workout after my shift at work.

I think the key to my continued success is going to be planning and scheduling. I need to know what I'm doing tomorrow, today. Because I don't always work the same hours I need to think about things like: How many meals am I planning on eating? Approx what time will I eat them? What will I eat? When does the gym best fit into my schedule this week? What errands do I need to do this week, and when is the optimal time to do them? Etc. Google Calendar has been super useful, I thought it would be one of those things I'd use for like a week and then never touch again but I've been using it on a daily basis for well over a month now. The convenience of being able to use it on multiple devices makes it great for being on the go.

Anyway, happy with my day, just need to have like 50 more of these and I'll be living the dream.

100 pushups a day counter: 39

no fap: 59 days

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Day 121, Sept 3

Another really good day health wise. Started with a clean breakfast. Then I packed a healthy lunch and snacks with me to work. I went straight from work to the gym for a very quick cardio workout and to build the habit of showing up. Kind of a boring day otherwise but I definitely met and exceeded my goals for the day and am looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

Today also marked 60 days of no fap. Insane. While occasionally I do get cravings for it,  there honestly hasn't even been a close call. My streak is more important to me than giving in, and honestly I would be pretty upset with myself. Next step is to hit 90 days!

100 push ups a day counter: 39

no fap: 60 days

 

 

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Good job man, crush it! Good luck with the girls too. If I learnt something from Peterson, then it is that any reasonable woman loves responsible men 😄

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