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About Splitstep

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  1. Day 314 (42/252/12/3) (08/11/19) Friday Hey guys, it has been a while. Too long if I say so. Over 4 months. I wish I kept updating how things have been, but sadly it has not been the case and day by day it gets harder because there's more and more to share and it feels like such a big task. Nevertheless, I'll try to catch you up with what has been going on. Relapses As you can see above, I've relapsed two times, both recently. After 252 days, I reinstalled Overwatch on the 20th of October just after ending lectures for the year and played a lot for a day and a half, and at the end of it I felt dry and unsatisfied thankfully, and I uninstalled. I felt convicted throughout, but not deeply enough to actually quit until 36 hours. That lasted 12 days, and then I reinstalled it on the 2nd of November and played for 3 days, after completing my first and hardest exam. So now I'm on my fifth attempt. Dad But lets rewind back to the day after the last time I officially posted, so the 7th of July. Day 190 (07/07/19) Sunday Dad had a stroke in the afternoon which was much more serious than his previous two which were minor strokes. Thankfully mum was with him and drove him quickly to the emergency department, and that it wasn't during working hours or that would've been more difficult. My sister and I came shortly after writing down that our shop was going to be closed. He apparently was stabilised and we went home in the evening. We woke up to a phone call at around 11 pm saying that he was moved to the intensive care unit (ICU). He was not breathing on his own so they put a tube in him and got a machine to breathe for him (endotracheal intubation). It was hard for me to watch and listen to the mechanical squeaking of the machine inhaling and exhaling. From the get go, I braced myself for the worst; Dad dying. But I also believed that God could save him very much so. But did he have to? No. And this got me wondering, how does one show faith in this case? Because we don't know God's will is for these scenarios. I still don't know if it was the right way to think. I didn't want my dad to die, especially since he was not yet a Christian, but I was trying to get myself to be accepting if it did happen and not be angry at God, and instead accept it because God knows best. I think because I knew that everything was in God's hands, I was not worried or scared. But my sister and I really wanted to share the Gospel to him. And I was disappointed at not taking all the chances that I had to share, and for something like this to happen to actually wake me up. That night mum, sis and I prayed together and it was really nice. Day 191 (08/07/19) Monday The doctor said that he had a stroke in the part of the brain that makes you sleepy. Him being so sleepy was the biggest worry. All they could do is monitor dad and keep his condition stable. It was either he wakes up and that would be promising or might not and die from his stroke. Essentially, it was all up to God. He was not alert, active, or spontaneous. He was not properly waking up; we would nudge him and he would groan and twitch for a bit and then go back to sleep. He could open his left eye a teeny tiny bit (2 mm), but not his right eye. He could move his hands, feet, legs just a little bit. In the evening for every 10 breaths, one of them was his, which was a miracle. The lyrics, "It's your breath, in our lungs" was even more powerful now. I was feeling tempted to escape/be comforted by gaming, watching videos, eat junk food... but I refrained. Day 192 (09/07/19) Tuesday We came in at 12:30 pm to see his right eye half open and breathing every breath! And he sat up! God performed an even bigger miracle! We were in tears. Mum spent the day reading 2 ways to live (a gospel tract). And I felt like she was really close to receiving God. I wrote this on the day, "Thank you Holy Spirit, she gets the gospel and wants to live a Jesus directed life! And sees you working in my dad, and in the church family praying and caring and willing to help us out. And she knows that it’s not that you are obligated to bringing my dad back to health, but every breath and movement is your grace. The amount of love poured out through our brothers and sisters is incredible." At 8 pm I suddenly felt a lot lighter, before head was just stuffed, not worried, but due to trying to comprehend the situation and lack of sleep. But I kept getting tired and sleepy and not being able to think and respond to messages and had no appetite. Day 193 (10/07/19) Wednesday At 10 am they took the breathing tube out. It was still just his right eye that could open. He could whisper. The speech and language therapist came in to assess his swallowing and speech and he was not quite ready to eat (which was normal) and they were going to test again tomorrow. He could correctly respond to commands, with some coaxing. In the afternoon the nurses got him out of bed and onto a seat. I felt restless, irritated and not stimulated from just sitting and sleeping. Day 194 (11/07/19) Thursday He moved out of ICU and into ward 28 (neurology ward). We came in at 11:30 am, to see him sitting in a chair. his speech was a lot clearer and we could easily understand him. He was staying awake, compared to yesterday where he would fall back to sleep after a few mins. The physiotherapist came in at 11:50 am and he went for a walk with the help of the frame, which is incredible, he has a lot of strength. Left eye was still closed, right eye fully open. Dad was still a bit confused, and kept getting names and dates incorrect. I got so irritated for some reason and apathetic that I left the room and sat in the lounge. I was scrolling through cricket and Wimbledon and then it was time for us visitors to leave. And then I felt bad, I should have hung out with dad instead of mindlessly surfing the web, I could have at least slept. All this negativity in me, despite getting decent rest must be spiritual attacks. I didn't want to remain angry when the next day begins (Ephesians 4:26). So I confessed and repented. Day 201 (18/07/19) Thursday He got transferred to another hospital. He had a room to himself, and it was a new and nice facility. His speaking and energy had been improving, and he was still eating soft foods with small bites and sips of water. Day 256 (11/09/19) Wednesday Dad was officially discharged back home! Actually, Mum had decided to become a Christian on the 9th of July when she saw dad wake up! She saw what God did. Wow, it's incredible. I know that God uses events to glorify him, and I knew that this was somehow going to, but I didn't expect it to be like this! The best news ever! Day 262 (17/09/19) Tuesday Dad had a mild stroke while walking with mum, just after I left to go to the university and my sister was at work. Dad said it felt like last time; his brain was 'expanding'. 5 minutes into being in the car, being driven to the hospital, dad told mum to drive back home because he was feeling better, but mum still took him to the hospital and they did checks on him and he stayed there. Despite this, there is much to be thankful for. The urgency of the gospel has been reinforced once again. Day 263 (19/09/19) Thursday Dad came home! He was fine during his stay in hospital, he had to stay for two night because they were doing tests on him. Day 314 (08/11/19) Friday Now, he is able to do most things, hold conversations, do basic maths, chores and independently go for short walks. His left eye is fine; can open fully. His right eye, not quite so, only a tiny bit. But his vision is good on both sides. His sometimes gets muddled up with his memory and other times he can remarkably remember details from long ago. He does get tired and requires naps throughout the day, and sometimes gets in a low mood and discouraged with his right eye not seeming to get better, so we have to remind him of how far he has come. He still has his cheeky personality which is good, and laughs quite a lot! We've shared the gospel to him a couple times, however he does not give much on how he feels about it.
  2. @Redmark I WAS AHAHAHAHA, I'll hopefully get back into the habit! Thanks for sharing your experience of moving out, Yeah I think I'll like it after getting used to it! I haven't read Revelations yet! For some reason, I really like Ecclesiastes. It makes sense that things are meaningless, a vapor, without God. And instead of expecting what life ought to be, simply enjoy life as it is, it's all a gift from God.
  3. Day 189 (42|147) (06/07/19) Saturday It's scary, the thought of moving from the comfort of my home, friends, and family. Being more independent. But it is needed, and I can use the remainder of the year to get my restricted licence (about time!), get a job and save some money, learn how to buy food, cook, wash clothes... But the most important thing is if it is God's will that I pursue physiotherapy. I don't want to be doing physio because it's my desire but not his, and if he's calling me to do engineering, I don't ignore it and I obey him. I went to Encounter church for the first time, and I was welcomed by Jackie, who has studied at both Otago and AUT. He's switched degrees to podiatry and he works closely with physiotherapists. So it was really awesome to talk to him about these things, as well as Joe who's completed his bachelor of physiotherapy at Otago and is now working. I recognised SO MANY people from my past there and didn't know that are Christian! Jenny, Daniel, Sally, Henry, and Kevin! The sermon from Allen was so good, I was so encouraged because I was wondering about the possibility that the disciples took his body from the tomb, but if that was the case then they wouldn’t have lived such radically different lives if they knew that it was a lie. After the service, I got prayed for my career change and one of the things that they said was that God wanted to speak to me and that I ought to wait on him, and give him time to speak during prayer. It was so cool to learn that cause I usually just speak what I wanna say and not listen, so this new element of prayer has me really excited and I can't wait to hear what God has to say to me! Afterward, we went out for dinner at Ye-Chon (I initially thought they said Hedgehog ?) It was a mean feed, their ribs are so good! Then we went back to church for board games! Played One Night Ultimate Werewolf (like a shorter version of Mafia) and it was pretty funny cause I legit didn't know the strategy of the game and so I managed to fool everyone! And then we played Avalon and I can't act/lie at all so everyone knew that I was evil, but my two other teammates hard carried us and we managed to win AHAHAHAHA. I had a really good time ? And SOMEHOW, we managed to fit my road bike into a Honda Jazz!!! Mind = blown. Later that evening I prayed and waited on him, and I didn't really get anything for half an hour so I went to sleep.
  4. Day 188 (42|146) (05/07/19) Friday Remember day 67, when I mentioned how I would like to study sports coaching or physiotherapy? Well since then, I haven't let it occupy my mind as I wanted to focus on finishing the semester strong and think about it after seeing my course results. Well, those results came out and they were good, so blessed! But the thought of continuing engineering: not keen, don't see myself doing it as a job. Since high school, I've been used to doing subjects for the sake of it: english, maths, bio, chem, physics, etc. And doing engineering courses were no different, I was doing things for the sake of it. I was used to that. And then the thought of actually pursuing physiotherapy excited me as nothing else has ever before... it was a new feeling to me. A real passion for something... wéow. I have so many reasons for wanting to do physio; I'd love to teach people how to look after and learn about their bodies, injury prevention, I love sports so helping athletes, seeing God's healing powers at work, being able to connect with people and be a part of their journey in life... compared to just liking the outdoors ? I couldn't sleep that night because I was buzzing at the thought of doing it, and so I woke up and told my mum about my thoughts. She was concerned cause she's seen people switch degrees and never finish one, and that it's not what I will expect, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, it's going to be hard. I know these things, and that she just wants me to be sure about this decision. She wasn't against it, she just found it a bit rushed (and most definitely so, I've only been thinking about it for a few hours!) so I really need to do my research, ask people and pray, pray, pray!
  5. Day 187 (42|145) (04/07/19) Thursday Conference was absolutely incredible! Blew my expectations away! I made so many great friends that I know we'll have a lot more memories to come! And we have a new brother (Zayn) and sister in our family!!! I was amazed at how God was working and I was in awe every time I saw the beautiful views of the mountains, as well as the starry night sky. I was especially challenged in two ways: Loving God and honouring God in rest. I've always wondered to myself, "Why is my heart not breaking for the lost? Why am I somewhat complacent with my relationships, and not proclaiming Jesus and the good news at every opportunity I have?". Then someone told me that, 'Loving others comes from loving God." SO TRUE. So I am evaluating what my relationship with God is like, and if I am letting God love me. Being a CSL, we were 'very important people' in conference. I was also a team leader, so I was to be looking after my fellow teammates too. It was important for us to be connecting with people, so I went ALL IN... too all in. I was putting evangelism over personal time, growth and health, resulting in multiple social/emotional crashes. I lowkey wish that I was an extravert because they recharge during social activities, but I am thankful that I am not because God has taught me about the value of rest and how it is just as important as evangelism. In fact, this wasn't just an issue in conference, but out of it too! I've committed to being a part of so many things because I wanna use what God has given me to glorify him. But I haven't made any time for rest. I may be idolising work because I feel uncomfortable if I'm not contributing to things. I am so so so thankful for conference! It's so amazing how God so graciously answered our prayers and transformed hearts!!
  6. Day 182 (42|140) (29/06/19) Saturday At last year's conference, this is what I wrote down for my expectations of it, and these were HUGE expectations for me. I really struggled with these two things, they absolutely terrified me! But God has given me a lot of courage and trust, and I'm blown away by what has happened in the year between then and now, and the person that God has so gracefully shaped me to be, and there's still a lot of things I need to trust in God in that I'm hoping to grow in this conference. All glory be to Him! And I can't wait to what God is going to do in this year conference; which has started today!! 60 people from Canterbury! God made our faith goal happen! It's incredible, it defies all odds that more people are coming to conference than last year, with fewer student leaders, with only 30 people being a part of Student Life Canterbury and the event that has happened this year... brooo there is a reason why God has brought so many people to this! Can't waitttttttt :DD
  7. Day 180 (42|138) (27/06/19) Thursday I've had a lot of memorable moments these past few days with friends; did an escape room, played tennis, gymed, trail biked, played basketball and squash, but one moment that I don't want to EVER forget is a time on the project I went on (pg 1) and was, by God's grace, a part of His miraculous work! God led me and my friend to a man and his boys during sharing, and God was also leading him to that point through circumstances in his life. And I got to witness the amazing power of the Gospel and the Spirit working in him and my friend and the beautiful moment of him receiving Christ! Hallelujah! I am so blessed to have been able to be a part of that and I pray that Tuane and his family continue to follow Jesus with all their heart, soul and mind, be transformed by your crazy love for us and that You will use them greatly to grow your kingdom!
  8. Day 173 (42|131) (20/06/19) Thursday It's been so good being able to do prayer and quiet time first thing, though it was tough today cause I went to bed late and got up early to film a special video for conference! It was so much fun and we had a lot of laughs doing it! Here is one of many attempts of a particular scene of Enoch that we managed to get after 10 minutes ? 20190620_114851.mp4
  9. Day 172 (42|130) (19/06/19) Wednesday Played tennis and I thoroughly enjoyed it! Played for 2 hrs 30 mins!! So much for easing back into it ? Friendly matches are what I love! I forgot to bring my elbow brace so I know that I'm gonna have a sore forearm tomorrow but oh well, it's lowkey worth it! Unfortunately, I slammed my toe into the end of my shoe so I have a bruised toenail ? aiyo... And then for the rest of the day, I did computer science with my friend til LATE (like into the early morning late). Man, learning is a lot more fun when you don't have to be examined on it!
  10. Day 171 (42|129) (18/06/19) Tuesday I've found Francis Chan's 'Crazy Love' at the Lyall Flat a few days ago and they let me borrow it! I've read the videos on it and so I was really excited to finally be able to read the book! When Francis Chan said, "Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously." I thought of Grandma Clara. That is how I want to be! Lately, I've been slack with making personal time with Him, and have been choosing to spend my time on everything but that! Ugh. When I wake up, what I want to do is to get started on my day and enjoy the gifts of life, but not the giver! But I want to love God as she does! This morning, I was able to roll out of bed and pray first thing, and it was GREAT! Honestly, it was sooooo good, thanking and talking to Him, it was legitimately the highlight of my day! I can't believe that I didn't want to do it! I was able to help my friend out with computer science (Python), I did the course last year and he has the exam for it on Thursday. It felt good to revise and help him out, I really like helping and teaching people. And I'm really excited that I'm able to play tennis tomorrow! In fact, I'm even more excited that I'm excited about playing tennis! Oh, I've missed you SO MUCH tennis!
  12. Day 166 (42|124) (13/06/19) Thursday Hey, it has been a while ? sorry that I haven't been posting. It's exam period and I have one today at 9:30am! Maybe that's why I can't get to sleep, nerves or something. I studied at home the whole day, with no major social interaction and it was so hard, I was itching to go to uni and see my friends. And as I was lying in bed I was reflecting back to the days (that were not so long ago) that I'd play video games for 8-10 hours every day and not get bored! Well, Overwatch was kinda 'social' cause you use mics, but still, I wouldn't call it social interaction. I found it quite intriguing because I think today has been the first day in months that I've had zero social interaction, every other day I would either by studying with friends, going to events, church, etc. and there have been numerous times where I've felt like it's just too much social activity for me and I wanna go and have some alone time! And today, it was the complete opposite; it was too much alone time! Speaking of social stuff, I've decided that games are appropriate to play if I'm playing with someone else in real life, so they're right next to you. Video games are good to play with friends, bond over and create moments and memories! Like I really want to play Celeste, It's an amazing game, nominated for Game Of The Year, but it's singleplayer. I just don't see the value of it if I'm not building a relationship by creating moments with people. And likewise with watching stuff like movies or Netflix. So that's why I'm not gonna watch Stranger Things 3 (as tempting as it is cause it's just been released!) because I'll be watching it by myself and I can spend my time on much better things like spending time with God or with friends and family. It may seem like it sucks a bit now but I know it'll be worth it in the end.
  13. Day 142 (42|100) (20/05/19) Monday Feeling discouraged, overwhelmed and a failure (even though I knew that God didn't see me like that and that He loves me regardless), I broke down so many times that day, and typical me, when I knew tears were coming I ran and hid. I actually had no will to do anything. I wrote how I felt, lamented, prayed, and in the evening, God gave me peace. It's indescribable. (A few days later Philippians 4:7 was the verse of the day and that was the verse for that moment!) Although the situation didn't change, the sense of peace made such a difference. It was so surreal. It made me realise that He really is with me and listening and understands how I feel. I felt more connected and appreciative of Him. It was a big day.
  14. Day 141 (42|99) (19/05/19) Sunday Met up with my bible study leader and I told him that I'm gonna keep going to UniConnect. However, I felt uncomfortable with that decision because I was spending little time with my family, so I thought to drop UniConnect to make more time for that. But I felt that God was wanting me to still go to UniConnect so that was what I chose, despite me feeling not so sure about it. Trust in God, He makes time for those that seek Him. My leader told me that he experienced during the week was to rely on facts cause feelings are not always the best indicator. I thought that was cool but didn't think too much of it. Then there was church and some guys from RICE came along which was really cool! Afterward, they invited me to have dinner and do a final worship night. During worship, I didn't feel God's presence as much as the previous nights and I was really scared cause everyone else seemed to be feeling it, and it wasn't until after it that I remembered what my leader shared with me and I was like woahhh God set that all up! My bible study leader going through that, then him telling me what he experienced and learned from it, then me experiencing something similar and so having a better understanding what it means to trust facts, not feelings! I was able to talk to my friend that night, thank you God. It felt good to let stuff out, and they gave solid advice. It was so encouraging seeing how hard they were going the Lord, all for Him. And to be honest, I felt discouraged at the same time cause I was struggling with stuff, and I wanted to be like them; all for God! Jason gave me a ride back and we had our classic in-the-car dmc and I told him everything that was on my mind and he reminded me that I did pray for trials and hardship at the start of the year ?
  15. Right after that post on May 25th, I was writing all the things that have happened and then I had to go do something, and it's been so busy that every moment there is something to do and I haven't written anything for so long... today was the last day of lectures for the semester, and everything has been handed in! MASS RELIEF. All assignments, tutorials, and projects are done!!! But exams are starting in about a weeks time ? so I'm not completely done! I'll do my best to recall what has gone on the past few days!
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