gargamel 431 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, Phoenixking said: How the ever flying fuck did you manage that? How did you learn to let that go? And what changed? It's difficult to answer. I guess a certain aspect of the process is tided to circumstances of the particular case, but I'll try to offer as much general guidance as I can. After having this experience, I can safely say that forgiveness is a choice, yet we need to do it genuinely. Just saying that we forgave won't do it on it's own. To begin with, one has to understand what is forgiveness. Personally, I had difficulty with this. Forgiving DOESN'T mean: keeping a person close to you allowing for bad behavior to continue giving "another chance", hoping that the person will change expecting that the other person will forgive you in return. (don't expect reciprocity. If you expect something, it's not forgiveness, it's a deal or a compromise.) Forgiveness, in it's essence, is: letting go (letting past be the past. Seriously deciding not to revisit that part of your history anymore) giving up on revenge (however justified it would seem to be) a triumph of your love over your hate (compassion is important) One has to decide not to actively revisit the past he is leaving behind. It's ok if it pops into your mind but in that case you should just redirect attention and that's it. One has to decide not to seek any type of reparation or revenge. No more putting salt on an open wound, no more harsh words either directly said to him or thought in your mind. Anger and fury are emotions that want to destroy the object that stirs them, so by giving up on revenge, you must give up on stirring anger and fury. By loving, I don't mean that you need to be all lovey-dovey or something, you just need to find a place in your heart that will be able to love another person just enough to compassionately forgive them. Now, how can one be in a proper mindset to forgive? you need to be honest to yourself about your own faults (and be honest that you want forgiveness for your own misdeeds) try thinking of the circumstances that maybe facilitated a persons bad action (if there are some) be compassionate towards the other persons situation (for example, almost all bad people emotionally suffer or were victims in childhood. My father was a bad father, but it helped me to forgive him when I realized he also had a bad father so he didn't have a good example to learn from and he was also bitter because of it, etc.) you have to let go of your entitlement and ego, and be grateful. Yes, maybe you weren't given the best life possible, and yes, maybe somebody really did steal something important from you, but on the other hand you were obviously given a better life than others. Compassionately imagine what would an orphan who is right now being used as a sex slave give to be in your situation. (I assume you didn't go through this experience). Try focusing on what you do have, on everything you love and cherish in the world, on what gives you pleasure and joy As soon as you feel ready, you should go see your father in person and say something simple like "I forgive you for x,y and z. I truly forgive you. I came here just to say that.", also, apologize IF you feel that you have wronged a person. Be totally fine with the possibility you will get mocked, rejected or insulted, forgive him in advance for this as well. Come in peace, say those words, and be on your own way out. Forgiveness is primarily about yourself, it's about freeing yourself. If the other person wants to stay in his anger or hate, that's their own problem. After a while, you will notice your subconscious isn't bothering you anymore, or at least not nearly as much as before. Hope this helps. And I wish you best of luck. Edited September 30, 2020 by gargamel 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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