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Maintenance of the PhoenixKing


Phoenixking
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Day 48. "Legwork."

 

Boxing was fun yesterday. When I stick to my own pace, I can now do about 75% of the reps they ask of you. Last week I only made it to half. At this rate I'll be up to par by the end of the month by going my own pace. From there on out it's all about matching the pace the trainers set. I've been working on my technique a lot. Yesterday was about dodging, pivoting and dancing. Boxing is a lot like dancing. You flutter around a lot, mind your opponent, dodge, bob and weave and strike when you see opportunities. I truly look forward to being able to one day spar with somebody. I can't wait to feel the results of months and months of training.

I did hurt my leg though. It's hard to apply the focus I bring to physical therapy to my boxing. I'm supposed to use my legs in certain ways to not fuck up my knees. And that requires re-learning how to walk and move. I'm like a young fowl sometimes. To focus on that and at the same time my techniques, my opponent, ... It's a lot on a human brain. I can only do so much. I think that's why my leg hurts. Normally I'd hurt because I trained, but this time it feels like it hurts because I made mistakes. Luckily, there's physical therapy tomorrow to re-align some things.

 

Recent highlight: Learning new boxing techniques.

Budget status: I feel like I'm circling the drain. I've cut off any non-essential spending. No going out, ordering food, nada. Only purely crucial stuff will I spend money on.

My one goal for the next 24h: Focus up a bit and have a productive 24h. There's writing to be done, prepping my fotoshoot next week, and the (possibly to be cancelled) wedding gig this weekend.

What did I read today: A big chapter on shirts out of 'Gentleman'. I learned I've been ironing my fancy shirts the wrong way.

My chore of the day: Took care of the black mold. It annoyed my mouth and lungs and nose a bit. Tough stuff, that fungal cleaner. Toxic. Thank god I got gloves and a mask...

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: 

What did I post on social media: Bunny pics.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Some thrive, some die it seems... I bought a few to keep the bugs away; but with a bunny nearby, they've become a liability. This is slowly fading into the background.

-Prep food - Nothing special to report. Had leftovers yesterday.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done!

-Make the bed - Not really applicable with the current situation.

-Drink enough water - First bottle down and slowly building up.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had a beer last night while watching UFC.

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I'm narrowing down the kind of training I want to start and I'm leaning towards Jiu Jitsu but I've always been interested in boxing as well. I've taken martial arts in the past so I'm pretty decent with my kicks but never learned much fist-fighting. It's bizarre that martial arts schools will straight up tell you that trying to kick someone in a street fight is a great way to land on your ass but then all they teach you are kicks. Lol. At least Jiu Jitsu is mostly grappling which seems like it has far more real world applications.

That book "Gentleman" sounds interesting I'm gonna look it up! I'm always down for tips on how to do things better. I'm sure I suck at ironing but it looks decent when I'm done haha. 

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22 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I'm narrowing down the kind of training I want to start and I'm leaning towards Jiu Jitsu but I've always been interested in boxing as well. I've taken martial arts in the past so I'm pretty decent with my kicks but never learned much fist-fighting. It's bizarre that martial arts schools will straight up tell you that trying to kick someone in a street fight is a great way to land on your ass but then all they teach you are kicks. Lol. At least Jiu Jitsu is mostly grappling which seems like it has far more real world applications.

That book "Gentleman" sounds interesting I'm gonna look it up! I'm always down for tips on how to do things better. I'm sure I suck at ironing but it looks decent when I'm done haha. 

Hey man! Yeah, I'm really starting to notice the (not just gaps but actual) chasms between sports like some martial arts and a real fight. Krav Maga is way better in that respect. That'll teach you what you need to know to actually fight and save your ass. I was trained to get out of knife fights, gunpoint threats, bar brawls, ... They even taught me how to escape a choke hold from somebody like an angry black belt dude. They did not fuck around. It's a scary thing to learn. How to gauge eyes, hit people in the balls or other weak spots, how to scream, attract attention to yourself and state that people need to stay away from you. It's a very defensive martial art, but it's super goddamn effective. Now that I'm boxing, it's crystal clear they're training you for a sport and not a fight. Sure, you'll equip you with a fighting attitude, great cardio, and so on... Stuff that might come in handy in a real fight. But it's not the same. No mugger is going to care about your uppercut technique. It's all about if you are wise enough to hand over the 50 bucks in your wallet (or just simply run, they can't stab or mug you if you're 100 feet away from them, that's a great way to win a confrontation like that) to avoid having to put your life on the line for that low amount.

Oh yeah, the book is great fun. It's very much all about ye olde English gentlemen. They even have entries on what to wear when hunting geese, riding horses or what robes to wear for your at home leisure. But they stuff they teach about fabrics, patterns, colors, how to tie ties, how to match them with shirts, and so on... It's truly a treasure trove or knowledge.

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I took a couple of Krav Maga classes three years ago when I was still trying to find ways to quit drinking (it didn't work so I stopped going). You're right, it's very practical and ... shall we say efficient? lol. The instructor at that school is actually the same one offering the Jiu Jitsu that I've been contemplating. There's some amount of shame I feel about going back to that gym after signing up for a year and then quitting after three sessions to drink all day but I doubt he even remembers me. It's like the feeling I had the first time I went to college and I skipped a class so every day I'd obsess about everyone freaking out that I skipped, so I'd skip again. Lol. Endless cycle.

That sounds very interesting so I'm going to order it for sure. I just bought a hardcover today so it'll have to wait a few days but I look forward to it. I have a similar book but it's about "manners" and was written in the 19th century. Pretty interesting how much trouble people went through just to eat dinner together. Lol. I think there's a lot of value in bringing some of those things back though. We might treat each other better as a result.

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Day 49. "I AM BUTTMAN."

A productive day today and I had physical therapy. I kicked ass. It seems like boxing is such a high level thing for my cardio, like the trainers are really pushing me to the brim each time, that suddenly everything else seems trivial. I voluntarily picked up some weights to hold onto for a full hour while I did my exercises. The physical therapist is enthused about my boxing and gave me extra exercises that allowed me to train my new techniques and work my cardio while she checks if I'm moving right or now. I had some pain last week after a practice and I mentioned it might be because I'm not using my legs the right way when I'm training. My brain can't keep up with both learning new stuff at practice and also consciously moving my legs in the correct way. After today, I swore I'd become BUTTMAN.

Basically I learned how to use the muscles in my upper legs and butt more to level out the body weight and pressure I put on my knees when I use my legs the wrong way. As long as I focus on being BUTTMAN while doing training, I should be okay I think. I also secretly think it's hilarious.

 

Recent highlight: At physical therapy there was a dude who refused to wear a mask. I don't like it either, especially while sportsing around, but it's mandatory. I asked him to wear a mask, he didn't want to and I decided I wouldn't take that shit. I have a photo shoot next week that is super important and the photographer can't be replaced. And she's immuno-compromised. So I can't work out next to a buffoon-like boomer if he's not wearing a mask. I went to ask my therapist in the adjacent room about a replacement exercise and explained why. She kindly explained the dude that the rules are the rules (seriously, what self-respecting adult has to act like that?) and he just huffed and puffed and mentioned 'he's quitting physical therapy'. I thought it was hilarious but also really sad... It's people like that that are causing the second wave to hit us right now. Honestly, who are these people?!

Budget status: I cut all non-essential spending. We were going to go on holiday too, but I might postpone. We have a separate savings account, but it doesn't feel right...

My one goal for the next 24h: Keep going as I'm going. Finishing my daily goals, keeping up the grind and enjoying all of my newfound love for sportsing.

What did I read today: I started the day pretty late so I didn't read today, sadly.

My chore of the day: Took the trash out.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: 

What did I post on social media: A pic of some strawberries I picked up on the way back home from physical therapy. A treat for my SO

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Not done.

-Prep food - Sliced and diced the zucchinis and made pasta. 

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Still not applicable

-Drink enough water - Nailed it.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - First one done, second time will be when I go to bed.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday or today.

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13 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I took a couple of Krav Maga classes three years ago when I was still trying to find ways to quit drinking (it didn't work so I stopped going). You're right, it's very practical and ... shall we say efficient? lol. The instructor at that school is actually the same one offering the Jiu Jitsu that I've been contemplating. There's some amount of shame I feel about going back to that gym after signing up for a year and then quitting after three sessions to drink all day but I doubt he even remembers me. It's like the feeling I had the first time I went to college and I skipped a class so every day I'd obsess about everyone freaking out that I skipped, so I'd skip again. Lol. Endless cycle.

That sounds very interesting so I'm going to order it for sure. I just bought a hardcover today so it'll have to wait a few days but I look forward to it. I have a similar book but it's about "manners" and was written in the 19th century. Pretty interesting how much trouble people went through just to eat dinner together. Lol. I think there's a lot of value in bringing some of those things back though. We might treat each other better as a result.

Yeah, efficient is the right word. A friend of mine joked that it was a lot of screaming and kicking people in the balls. He wasn't far from the truth. Though comical, it's amazing how quickly you can hit somebody where it hurts and run off and 'win' the encounter with not a scratch on you. 

Maybe try not to focus on you the quitting. You were struggling with waaaay bigger things at the time than trying to attend a gym. You were wrestling the monkey on your back and at that point in time, the monkey was winning. There's no shame in that because we all have our demons. I guarantee you that the person who did the paperwork for your signing up, the trainer who maybe saw you walking in that one day and that giant buff dude who's there pumping iron 5 hours a day all have their own major demons. The paperwork lady might have an eating disorder because one of her first boyfriends emotionally abused her, the trainer once got mugged at gunpoint and became obsessed with become strong and big but still feels scared in the dark and the pumping iron dude might be a virgin because he lacks social skills but due to his body and age he feels obligated to lie about that. We all have demons. Even if you've defeated the one that was weighing you down at that point in time, they still win if you allow them to plant seeds of despair after their demise.

Oh cool! That sounds fascinating! I once read that etiquette became so complicated because the aristocracy felt the rich farmers and merchants creeping closer to them. Their blue blood gave them status, but there's no stopping people with money. So when the money people tried to climb up more and become aristocracy, the fancypants people at the time tried to make it more complicated for them to keep up. The old guard therefor concocted crazy eating, speaking and dressing habits (some are absolutely preposterous) to make sure that their social circles would get harder and harder to mosey yourself into. What a bunch of assholes.

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Day 50. "Security."

My SO's bosses are fucking around with her again. They're making all of these corporate changes and the entire new structure should be a budget-neutral operation. It has a side-effect that lots of people get re-arranged or have to, at worst, get competition for a job they've been doing for ages and thus might lose it to somebody else who's either cheaper, younger or better equipped. And in the meanwhile management keeps eating lobster bisque in their separate company restaurant. Typical old while men in power. Disgusting. They've been mistreating her from the get go. She got 2 temp contracts and after that they're legally obliged to give her a permanent one. This last temp one ends in December. It wasn't sure what would happen to her for a while but now it seems she'd be keeping the job she has. Only, the contracts thing is an issue. Technically they've got no budget to add 1 person with a permanent contract. But technically, she's already been assigned her current job in the new structure. So they'd just make an exception, right? Well... I told her not to underestimate their incompetence. She's been asking superiors of several lower and higher levels for answer and everybody just talks around it or defers to the next manager. It's sending a bad vibe. I told her to go see her union rep, but they seem equally incompetent... *sigh* It's times like these I'm overjoyed I took the leap to start my own business.

Last night they were working on the tram rails across the street. 11pm to 5 am. Huge angle grinders, big trucks... I stayed up as long as I could, thinking I'd sleep in. But I couldn't get to sleep and if I did, I woke up because of how hot I was. We'd closed to windows because of the noise. Purgatory... Hoping I'd catch up on some work today, I forgot about my SO's parents coming over. That's nice and all, but I need to prep for my photo shoot... I now have 4 freelancers on my payroll for that day and I'm eager to do things different. I was often sent briefings and updates and whatnot last minute as an actor and speaker. I'll not do that shit. I work cleanly and clearly and all prep will be done well in advance. µ

Be the difference in the world you wish to see!

 

Recent highlight: Rediscovering my love for Westworld. Discovering newfound love for fresh fruit with greek yoghurt. Great breakfast, lots of protein.

Budget status: Got my first money from my business!! 77 bucks! I mean, it's expenses I paid for myself and am now getting back from Starterslab. But still cool!

My one goal for the next 24h: Prep the videos I'd like to shoot come Tuesday.

What did I read today: Not done.

My chore of the day: Nothing much.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Emails, contract issues and HR paperwork for hiring my freelancers, getting my D&D project off the ground (FINALLY!), and checking out my concrete plans for content and a shotlist for the shoot on Tuesday. Busy fucking day. But my SO's parents are here. So I'm doing the minimal stuff I could right now and I'll work late. Last night I couldn't sleep anyways, might as well tire myself our properly in case there are roadworks again...

What did I post on social media: A shoutout to the bunny daycare.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Not done.

-Prep food - Going out for dinner with SO's parents.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done and had a wiiiild chess game.

-Make the bed - Not applicable.

-Drink enough water - Almost had all I needed today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. I forgot the latter part last night though.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Went drinking. But in company.

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Hey @Phoenixking, what your SO is going through sounds stressful AF. Sorry she's going through that. Not much is normal these days. 

11pm to 5am! It's crazy to me that that's legal. How are you supposed to function like a normal human being the following day? 

Sorry you two are going through a stressful time. 

 

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8 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Hey @Phoenixking, what your SO is going through sounds stressful AF. Sorry she's going through that. Not much is normal these days. 

11pm to 5am! It's crazy to me that that's legal. How are you supposed to function like a normal human being the following day? 

Sorry you two are going through a stressful time. 

 

Yeah. It's insane. I've been telling her that her bosses, the whole company is whack as fuck and that she should gtfo as soon as she can. The whole thing reeks of incompetence and corruption. It speaks volumes that she expressly forbid me to talk to the press. It means she knows it's wrong, but hasn't mustered the courage to do something about it. I'd been playing with the idea of leaking some info to bring the fuckers down. Not that it might do anything, I just feel like I need to do something to exact justice.

Yeah, it totally sucked. But it's the government. They need to maintain the tram rails, obviously, and it'd be a bigger hassle for the city to not use those lines for a few days than it is to keep us awake all night. We got a letter last month notifying us, but it still sucks ass.
It's sweet of you to express your kindness. But we're kind of doing okay. Not great. But not terrible either.

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Day 51. "Heat."

Holy calamafuck is it warm today. About 34 Celsius. WTF? I'm not mentally all there. I don't function very well in a hot environment.

My SO read my journal a while back. Major breach of trust. We had a long talk about it and even still it lingered over the next few days. It was less about not trusting me and more about being so insecure about herself that she needed to know what I was writing about her online. After the talk, she agreed to start seeing a therapist again. So now we'll both be in therapy (I'm starting somewhere next week, after the big photoshoot).

Afterwards, she kept pressing on how dangerous this diary is. It took some days for it to dawn on me, but she's right. This is a public thing. I keep my name and such anonymous. But there's so much super personal info on here. Really life-devastating stuff at some points. Anonymous or not, read my journal in detail and you could figure out who I am. A clever person wouldn't need much... So I've been contemplating copying it somewhere safe, on a hard disk or something, and deleting the lot. And then I'll start anew and all that jazz. But with a more keen eye on privacy and personal details.

 

Recent highlight: Finishing the video list for the shoot Tuesday. And seeing my account full of money again. THANK FUCK.

Budget status: Finally got some money in the bank again. Thank fuck. Was touch and go there for a while. I think I'll be out of the woods in a few months. Hopefully the business takes off and that'll be that...

My one goal for the next 24h: Survive boxing practice. And not push myself too hard while we're at it. It's so hot out...

What did I read today: Can't really seem to focus much today, probably because of the heat. I read the first half of the chapter on neckties.

My chore of the day: Was hoping to do the dishes when the machine's done.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Finished some mails to my freelancers, finished a more concrete list of the videos I want from my videographer, contacted the website designer about what I'm thinking of and invited him to a brainstorm about the website. Spent the remainder of the time writing on public speaking. I'm bundling every single thing I know to try and use that base to create workshops, lectures, seminars and coaching exercises.

What did I post on social media: A shout out to some colleagues. 

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - We're ordering out.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Not necessary.

-Drink enough water - Almost there, and that's without going to praccy.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Succes yesterday. Woke up with a fresher mouthfeel. Flossed today already too.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing today, I'm not an animal. It's too hot out!

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23 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

My SO read my journal a while back. Major breach of trust. We had a long talk about it and even still it lingered over the next few days. It was less about not trusting me and more about being so insecure about herself that she needed to know what I was writing about her online. After the talk, she agreed to start seeing a therapist again. So now we'll both be in therapy (I'm starting somewhere next week, after the big photoshoot).

Afterwards, she kept pressing on how dangerous this diary is. It took some days for it to dawn on me, but she's right. This is a public thing. I keep my name and such anonymous. But there's so much super personal info on here. Really life-devastating stuff at some points. Anonymous or not, read my journal in detail and you could figure out who I am. A clever person wouldn't need much... So I've been contemplating copying it somewhere safe, on a hard disk or something, and deleting the lot. And then I'll start anew and all that jazz. But with a more keen eye on privacy and personal details.

I was thinking about in which way I'd potentially share my diary with others, but I can't imagine anyone being interested other than a girlfriend or someone who hates me to death. I guess the main issue is that you are trying to become well-known by the definition of your profession and you don't need your fans/customers to know everything you write here.

One thing to consider is that all the information in the diary goes through "relevance decay", so if you wrote something a year ago, chances are big that it changed during the time or that information is publicly widespread anyway. So there might be some use in "declassifying" parts of the diary as time goes by, so your SO can at least understand about why you did X at time Y, even if she disagrees with your actions.

I don't argue people couldn't find out your true identity through your posts via some tools, but I can't imagine anyone here who would be willing to take you down this hard. Even if there was someone like that, the diary would just be one of the many things they'd use.

Regardless, I think the biggest issue is her insecurity rather than what you do or don't write here. This diary is primarily about you, not about her and she needs to respect that.

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Day 52. "On the edge of..."

I'm so down and beat. The world is shitty. Global leaders, aristocrats and rich industrials use their power to do whatever they want and they just pay or wave their big power-stick to get away with it. Disease is surging and too many people are too stupid to take it seriously. I'm losing faith in humanity, in the future, in the world... A small part of me just wishes we'd get 2020 over with and just massively commit suicide. It'd be a quicker, cleaner death with a bit of dignity; instead of this slow, messy burn.

My SO and I had some words this morning; about the household and such. But I'm a bit too hollowed out now to really get into it. I feel like I've been beaten numb a bit. Like there's too much shit going on to take into account so I just have to block out some stuff to just function. We were talking about nagging and household stuff and how intense I am. How I always use 1000 words where 100 would be enough. Then she wanted to talk about taking a trip. I hadn't had breakfast and it turned into a search of an hour, but afterwards, nothing concrete came of it. I could predict that. She wants to talk about doing stuff, not actually doing stuff. It's tiring sometimes.

I asked a friend of mine to help me take care of my website. He'd do it for free, which is insane. But he didn't want money in return, but a favor. He wants to be allowed to be an active part of my company. Back office, website, all of the stuff I'm not good at. Sounds too good to be true... But he's a stand up dude. A bit gullible or too kind for his own good even. Not the conniving type. I told him I'd need to think about it. We're scheduling a meeting soon.

I guess this is just one of those days where you feel like you're losing your mind. I'm trying to not think about all of the messy stuff above and just try to get on with my day and make the most of a crappy mood.

 

Recent highlight: Hearing my boxing trainer tell me I'd be okay to start training for competitions. The head trainer would need to approve, but if he does, they'll focus a bit more on me, on making sure I don't fuck up my learning of the techniques and they'll push me a bit harder. I felt like my hard work was appreciated.

Budget status: Household budget was break even, so that's good. And though there's some stuff looming over my head right now, I survived the month.

My one goal for the next 24h: Try to stave off the emotional jazz for now and get as much shit as possible done.

What did I read today: 'Gentleman': The second half of the chapter on neckties. And started on the huge chapter on suits. Applicable, since I'll be testing some of the outfits today for the shoot on Tuesday. Armed with knowledge!

My chore of the day: Did a bit of ironing.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Ironing my clothes, testing my outfit and some more writing, collecting all the knowledge I can muster to base my coaching, exercises and workshops on. I gotta start somewhere, right?

What did I post on social media: A pic of me a year ago. With a man bun. Ha.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done. I wonder if we could save some of them of if they're long gone by now...

-Prep food - Still got some of yesterday's pasta.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done!

-Make the bed - N/A.

-Drink enough water - First bottle filled up. It's fucking hot out. I made my goal yesterday, sure I'll make it again today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Forgot about the latter part last night; First part done today. Hope I don't forget the second part today again.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had nothing; too hot again.

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19 hours ago, Ikar said:

I was thinking about in which way I'd potentially share my diary with others, but I can't imagine anyone being interested other than a girlfriend or someone who hates me to death. I guess the main issue is that you are trying to become well-known by the definition of your profession and you don't need your fans/customers to know everything you write here.

One thing to consider is that all the information in the diary goes through "relevance decay", so if you wrote something a year ago, chances are big that it changed during the time or that information is publicly widespread anyway. So there might be some use in "declassifying" parts of the diary as time goes by, so your SO can at least understand about why you did X at time Y, even if she disagrees with your actions.

I don't argue people couldn't find out your true identity through your posts via some tools, but I can't imagine anyone here who would be willing to take you down this hard. Even if there was someone like that, the diary would just be one of the many things they'd use.

Regardless, I think the biggest issue is her insecurity rather than what you do or don't write here. This diary is primarily about you, not about her and she needs to respect that.

I've talked to her again and we agreed to keep things online as is. I was planning on re-reading my entire journey, to gain some perspective and to see where I crawled my way up from. It'd be a perfect opportunity to adjust some thing. Remove almost anything that might hint at my true identity and such. The odds are near 0 that this might leak. But we'd both feel better with me putting in some effort to doubly make sure it's perfectly anonymous.

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Day 53. "...tomorrow."

Today we're revamping our one messy room. It's filled almost to the brim with boxes and random stuff. I cleared it out a bit so we can use it as a laundry room. But now my SO has gone and gotten a huge closet set from her parents. So a big part of today's workout will be building the closet and filling it with the junk we've now stored in boxes. After that, we're going out for dinner.

We had a huge talk about how she feels. Turns out she's convinced she's got some sort of Netflix-addiction. The thought of quitting her account made her cringe and panic. Her therapist is also an addiction counselor so she lucked out. I think that realization was a big breakthrough. She's tired of lying around 5+ hours a day binging series like a compulsion. A lot of what she summed up reminded me of this forum. I advised she read the book.

I'm prepping for the shoot and holy fuck and I pumped. I'm really putting my best foot forward. I've acquired some great freelancers, my suit feels amazing because thanks to the boxing, it still fits perfectly. After learning more about fashion, I've learned what kind of shirt and tie and knot to use with the suit, and so on... It's like Tuesday will be a culmination of what I've been working for so long. I'm not scared or nervous. I'm excited and happy.

Also edited page 1/31 from my diary to amp up the anonymity. Damn. I've come a long way since then.

 

Recent highlight: Talking to my SO about her possible Netflix-addiction.

Budget status: Nothing to report.

My one goal for the next 24h: Get the closet-project up and running

What did I read today: Another bit about suits from 'Gentleman'.

My chore of the day: I think the closet stuff counts, right?

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: An audio test with my new gear; prep Tuesday by getting my stuff together, clothes, accessories, ... 

What did I post on social media: Nothing.

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - Going out for dinner tonight. SO's treat.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done!

-Make the bed - N/A.

-Drink enough water - Filled up my bottle but haven't had anything just yet.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it last night; Did the first part today.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had nothing yesterday. 

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Day 54. "The calm before the storm."

It's so weird. Tomorrow is a huge day and I'm so chilled out. Normally I'd be nervous as fuck. I guess this is due to all of the prep-work we'd been doing and outsourcing a lot of the work to my freelancers. I'm really putting some money in this, making it all the more exciting and important. I'm happy to feel that my preparation and taking this seriously is paying off. Apart from gathering props and doing some light groceries shopping for the catering, almost everything's done at this point.

I'm a bit scared to go shopping due to the virus, though. All around me cases are on the rise and more often than not, people just don't take it seriously. We're in the middle of a second wave that's big enough to force a curfew, police checking if people are self-isolating, some crazy shit. And still people think it's not that bad? Really? Do you live under a rock? I know people who lost their grandparents to this and were not allowed to be at the funeral. It's mayhem... 

But to be fair, if that's something I'm more worried about than the results of tomorrow, then we'll probably be fine at the shoot. I should maybe prep my lines a bit too, though. I can ad-lib a lot since I wrote it myself and it's all rather short and split in separate shots. But I'd still like to appear as professional as possible on my own set, hahaha.

 

Recent highlight: Not done.

Budget status: Not done.

My one goal for the next 24h: Prep for tomorrow.

What did I read today: Not done.

My chore of the day: Not done.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Prepping for tomorrow, mainly.

What did I post on social media: A pic of me and my SO

Anonymity editing of my diary: 1/31

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - It rained so we're good.

-Prep food - Finished the home-made pizzas my SO started on.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - N/A.

-Drink enough water - Done. All of it.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it last night; About to go do it.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday, went out for dinner but had mocktails. 

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Day 57. "The calm after the storm."

The shoot was a success. We were constantly ahead of schedule and so we filled up that time with extra shots, extra pictures... The videographer seemed to be on top of her game, looking for the right angles and shots and already seeming to edit stuff in her head. The photographer was constantly looking at original pics to take in certain rooms. They took command of the day. I was able to preview some of the shots and I'm extremely proud. A day well spent.

The day after I did nothing. A rare day off. No cleaning, no phone, no diary, nada! I watched boxing, a cool war movie and some Westworld. I even spent some time in nature. I was fully and properly relaxed. I did make a list of the gajillion things I'd need to do in the next few days. That way my mind was at ease. I enjoyed it. I deserved a day truly off.

Today I'm seeing my new therapist, in about an hour to be precise. I did just about everything I set out to do today, save for some cleaning and this diary entry. Business-wise, things are looking up. There's some exciting opportunities on the horizon. I also was able to pay off the first of my two debts. I am a happy man!

 

Recent highlight: 2 highlights. Watching a taping of the Mayweather vs Pacquiao match. Holy shit did that Mayweather dodge! Such an inspiration! And watching Tom Hanks' "Greyhound". A masterpiece of suspense and tension. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Wow.

Budget status: Was able to pay off one of my 2 debts. Very happy about that.

My one goal for the next 24h: Keep on doing productive shit! I'm nailing it!

What did I read today: I probably won't read today, just before I go to sleep. My DND-book is nearing it's end. So exciting! I just ordered the next trilogy! There's like 40 books of them or something!

My chore of the day: Cleaned up the place and did the laundry.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Emails securing my coaching gig come next month; a message or two about my D&D-project, which is coming together nicely, and some bills, paperwork and so on...

What did I post on social media: Nothing. I wanted to put up some behind-the-scenes, but none of them were adequate in my eyes.

Anonymity editing of my diary: 2/31

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - Didn't really cook, will just have some fruit and greek yoghurt. Suits me fine.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - On it. 

-Drink enough water - No problems.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it last night; just about done with cleaning.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Yesterday was a day off so I don't really think it counts. Today was without issues though.

Edited by Phoenixking
Wasn't finished, lol.
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Day 58. "Dawn."

Business is looking up, finances too. The D&D-project will officially start next weekend. In that same week I'll be able to post my behind-the-scenes-content on my socials. We'll even start the week with a brainstorm for the website. And I got a message confirming my new gig as a coach; I start next month. A steady flow of clients is a crazy luxury. I'm even thinking ahead a bit. Getting a degree in speaking and a second one in coaching seems doable. I'm excited for the future! I'm so happy I started my own business!

I got boxing tonight. It'll be the last time I get winded, I hope. We're going through a heatwave, so I'll have to be patient, but I got permission from my physical therapist to work in my cardio. I only get to run in 5 or 10 minute increments. I have to be careful and mindful. My trainer wants me to run about 10 miles a week on average, to establish a basic fitness. I told him I want him to prep me for doing actual matches and that's what I'll have to do to meet the basic requirements. It's going to be tough, but I knew that. I can now hold my own a bit better at boxing, with a bit more cardio under my belt that would improve even more.

I talked to my SO about my therapy session yesterday. I went there to go looking for ways to be less intense. Because we had a fight about how anal I was. After the session he showed me that I don't feel like I have any issues with how structured I like my p's and q's to be. Quite the opposite, it fuels me. The issues that bug me are conflicts and differences with my SO. She's chaotic. A lot. Her clothes and stuff are often all over the place and she's not prone to take initiative. Like she needs driving lessons and practice for her license, but I'm often the one to prompt her to pick some dates. I arrange all of the stuff for our finances, the car, insurances, ... I feel like I run this place and she gets to coast. And I feel like I have to do them, because she's procrastinate and get us both in trouble. There's trust issues. I don't trust her to pick up any slack. She says she's trying and will list off a few examples of her growth as a person, but I prefer deeds over words. It turned into a bit of a discussion/fight. There wasn't really any point or compromise we could have reached. Trust gets built up slowly.

 

Recent highlight: Learning I'll have a steady flow of clients next month.

Budget status: All systems nominal.

My one goal for the next 24h: Get the font of my slogan selected.

What did I read today: Nothing, sadly. The day lost a lot of momentum because of our attempts to book a holiday thing.

My chore of the day: Try to clear out the shower drain 

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: 

What did I post on social media: Nothing.

Anonymity editing of my diary: 2/31

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Damn. Should do it tomorrow...

-Prep food - SO did it.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - n/a

-Drink enough water - It's going well. I'm sure I'll drink way more during boxing practice and afterwards.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Forgot about it last night;

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Didn't drink yesterday.

Edited by Phoenixking
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Day 59. "Cleanup."

Spent the better part of the day in our cluttered room. I set up two closets. Closets whose parts were scattered across said cluttered room; a room that was kind of too cluttered to have enough space to build said closets... I struggled, but came out victorious in the end. 

I sat down for about an hour to eat tacos and watch a boxing match (Mayweather vs McGregor). I also discovered there's a thing called Chess Boxing. I would love to one day be able to pull off a win in that sport, it seems hilarious.

Then I applied for an acting gig and now it's 11 pm and I still have D&D to prep. It was an extremely productive day, sadly not the type of productivity I aimed for. I was hoping to work a bit more on my business stuff. Oh well...

 

Recent highlight: Feeling like a manly man, drinking a beer and building furniture.

Budget status: Happy we saved up some money to take a trip. We'll be able to safely pay for a day or three of lovely activities!

My one goal for the next 24h: Get up at 7 or 8 and go for my first run in a long time.

What did I read today: Again, nothing. I'm lagging behind all of a sudden, goddammit...

My chore of the day: Built closets and de-cluttered the room a bit.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Didn't really spend 2 hours properly. But I did edit an important scene from an award-winning short film I starred in, then I used that snippet to apply for an acting gig.

What did I post on social media: Nothing.

Anonymity editing of my diary: 2/31

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done. Some are coming back from the dead. Remarkable how resilient living things are...

-Prep food - SO did it.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - n/a

-Drink enough water - About halfway of what I was supposed to drink, but it's fine.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Didn't do the second brush last night, was too tired/lazy. Did just clean my teeth though.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday.

Edited by Phoenixking
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Day 62. "No sacrifice, no victory."

The past few days have been quite intense. I set up the beginnings of my new website, the pictures and videos from the shoot look amazing. I'm a happy man!

I've now also started running again. Oh, how I've missed that. I'll slowly start to build up my cardio again and excel at boxing.

There's also another heatwave going on. Heat kills me... I hate it. And there seems to be no end in sight.

At least my SO and I have planned a few days away. Just before our adopted bunnies get welcomed to our home, we're going away to get some wellness time, go wake boarding, horse riding and drone flying. I'm so excited!

 

Recent highlight: Watching an amazing boxing match, Wilder vs Fury. Holy shit.

Budget status: So happy we started saving up for our trip a while back.

My one goal for the next 24h: Re-make my work planner. It's a tad unclear what my time frames are and where my priorities should lie atm.

What did I read today: A tiny bit about tweed suits from 'Gentleman'.

My chore of the day: Fixed the fan, cooked food and did the dishes.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Had a video call on bookkeeping and working on my planner.

What did I post on social media: Nothing.

Anonymity editing of my diary: 3/31

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - Made a salad.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done. Got my ass handed to me in chess too.

-Make the bed - n/a

-Drink enough water - Halfway there.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had a shot of whiskey yesterday while watching the boxing.

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I watched a chess boxing fight once. One of my friends mentioned that boxing and chess have similarities in strategy. I think that is why they combined them, in a way like biathlon.

The most encouraging thing from your posts is that you started feeling better after working on your technique in boxing. Boxing is so intense that it makes you clever.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Day 62! Good stuff man!

It's good that you have a list of habits. That seems like a very useful took in staying focused. I have kinda just been going where the wind takes me for this first while but I think i'll need to get more serious with my scheduling in the future. 

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21 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

I watched a chess boxing fight once. One of my friends mentioned that boxing and chess have similarities in strategy. I think that is why they combined them, in a way like biathlon.

The most encouraging thing from your posts is that you started feeling better after working on your technique in boxing. Boxing is so intense that it makes you clever.

Cool! It must have been weird to see them stop fighting for the first time and sit down to try and steal each other's pieces.

I'm starting to really get into boxing and I've been into chess for a while now. The tactics and long term stuff are totally similar!

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15 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Day 62! Good stuff man!

It's good that you have a list of habits. That seems like a very useful took in staying focused. I have kinda just been going where the wind takes me for this first while but I think i'll need to get more serious with my scheduling in the future. 

Haha, thanks. I'm a bit of a chaotic, energetic dude myself. So I noticed quite early on that I like structure. Well, more like I lacked it. I found logic, predictable systems and structure in videogames. So I kind of just applied that to real life. I also read 'Atomic Habits'. A great book on how to weaken the grip of your bad habits and pimp out your good ones. It's a slow burn, but the results are crazy. Ever since then, I just latched onto my diary structure and now I can speak and read Japanese, I can kick ass in chess and I mind my budget en my goals!

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Good observation. Definitely true of myself as well. I prefer monotonous and repetitive tasks as well. A symptom of ADHD, I'm told. Or one that leads to ADHD, I'm told by other people. Lol. I used to draw for hours when I was younger, even when I had a PC with games on it. I'm not sure where that interest went. I've tried bringing it back but I find it dreadfully boring now.

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Day 63. "Good lord, make it stawp..."

The heat is so annoying. It's making me sleep poorly, I have less appetite during the day, working out and going outside in general are impacted a lot, ... I have so many thing I want to do and the heat is kind of in the way of it all. I want to work harder and wake up earlier and so on... But the heat just won't allow it. I'm looking forward to the end of this stupid rut.

Physical therapy went great today. She was proud of me and commended my kinesthetic abilities. I respond quite well to precise explanation of how my body should move and I pick up those habits quite quickly. I was lovely to work with, she said. My progress has been immense and the physical therapy has now shifted to the background. I'll now only go once a month ish for a check-up and to see if I'm still moving correctly. My main thing now, she said, was to seek out and conquer challenges. She knew about my boxing trainer and said that I have a great new path ahead of me with him. I'll now run twice a week to amp up my cardio, train boxing twice a week and train some more on my own. A neighbor of mine is into boxing too, but has way more experience. We text a lot nowadays and since our apartment has a huge terrace but his doesn't, he's suggested he put his big punching bag at our place. He gets to work out from home more, I get some pointers and get to use his bag for free. I was planning to learn how to use it anyways, on top of skipping rope way more, so that's a great thing!

 

Recent highlight: Having Indian for lunch. Amazing buttered chicken.

Budget status: Nothing to report.

My one goal for the next 24h: Go running and attempt to be productive. Small victories are still victories.

What did I read today: A small bit about Italian suits from 'Gentleman'. I'm reading less and less. I think it's the heat...

My chore of the day: Took out the trash.

How I spent the 2 hours of focus progressing my business today: Had a business lunch with my SO, prepping her for a pitch later this week. There's still some writing due too.

What did I post on social media: A food pic from our lunch.

Anonymity editing of my diary: 3/31

 

Maintained habits:

-Water the plants - Done.

-Prep food - Had leftovers.

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done. Got my ass kicked in chess again. FFS. They fuck with my F7 pawn and screw me over so quickly...

-Make the bed - n/a

-Drink enough water - We're good on that today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. But this is waning a bit. Probably too due to the heat.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing.

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