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Mohammad's Journal


Mohammad

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6 hours ago, Mohammad said:
 

Thank you @BooksandTrees. You are correct. I think I need to be guided in the direction by experienced users like you.  May I ask some personal questions to connect with you? questions like where you are from, how old are you and what is your education (do you hold a master degree?) and what are you doing at work? I was interested to know that you are a Structural Engineer. I am a geotechnical Engineer (still in school doing a PhD) and about to graduate. 

I kind of know why I am relapsing. I do not have the replacement for gaming. There are nights that I feel bored and I want to satisfy myself. when I doing well for a week or two, I think I deserve to satisfy myself with some fun. However, there is not much I can do at this time. The weather is getting cold here in Canada. It was easier in Summer; I used to go cycling every night. So in short, I need some serious boosts in pleasure that is available through gaming for me. The first few games I play after a two-week break is super fun. But, things turn out bad when I continue gaming and it gets out of control pretty soon. I ended up feeling miserable and useless after few days. The reason that I have to quit is also clear to me. I know gaming destroys me in all aspects of life, mentally and physically.  I feel very responsible for my life and my son's future.

As I explained, I know where this relapse is coming from, but I am not able to replace something to give me the same boosts of happiness, challenge and excitement. I appreciate if you can elaborate on this. 

Thank you.

 

I'll give a more in depth response this weekend. Studying for the pe exam right now. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 13:

 

The good news is that I did not play any game in the past two weeks 🙂

I had some urges in the past two days but I watched some movies instead. Overall, it was two weeks of hard work for me.

I know how dangerous it is to let myself slide so I am prepared. 

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On 11/2/2020 at 12:08 PM, BooksandTrees said:

What are you doing instead?

Day 19:

Unfortunately, I do not have any hobbies! I am just working all my time, and the rest is with family. I often do 3-4 times workout per week and read about 30 mints per day. I received a job offer from a well-known company and quite excited about it. As such, I am keeping myself very busy with work (school work and internship) and looking forward to the new job. 

 

I know I cannot go on this route because I will burn out at some point. I don't know, I am just too busy to look around to find new hobbies!

There is one good thing I am doing. I am reviewing my feeling after the last relapse and it helps me to be mindful of it and keep the temptation away from me. My stem account will be removed in 11 days if I continue this detox, which is great.

 

 

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Day 20 to 25: 

I played 1-2 hours on day 20. I have been doing okay and focusing on my daily routines in day 21 to 25. I know that there is a good chance that I play again in the next few days or weeks, so I should be very mindful of it. I am very bored. I am at home all day long. I cannot find any fun activity that really excites me. The only thing that keeps me straight is my positive outlook for the future, the responsibility that I have for my son and the joy of being with him. I think these are enough motivation for keeping me away from games.

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Day 26 and 27:

No gaming and no temptation.  I think I am in the right direction. 

I registered for CELPIP exam, which is an English proficiency test I have to take to become a permanent resident in Canada. I also have to move out of this city to another city because of my new job. I am very excited. It is quite an improvement in my life.

 

The chance of keeping up with the detox is higher for me when I get busy in life. I am the type of person who is inclined to gaming whenever bored, inactive and have lots of freedom. So, I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life 🙂

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On 11/12/2020 at 11:03 PM, Mohammad said:

Day 26 and 27:

No gaming and no temptation.  I think I am in the right direction. 

I registered for CELPIP exam, which is an English proficiency test I have to take to become a permanent resident in Canada. I also have to move out of this city to another city because of my new job. I am very excited. It is quite an improvement in my life.

 

The chance of keeping up with the detox is higher for me when I get busy in life. I am the type of person who is inclined to gaming whenever bored, inactive and have lots of freedom. So, I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life 🙂

Congrats on the new job and good luck with the exam. This is great news. 

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Day 28,29, 30:

I am excited that I finally came to a month of detox. I had a good start with very little temptation. Tomorrow, my steam account will be deleted. This is the second time I am deleting my steam account though! I know that a relapse is always by  the door and I should watch for it very carefully.

The last time I relapse when I felt over confident. I thought I can play a few games and get back to work like normal. I did so but after a few days, I played again! Before long, I was immersed in gaming thinking day and night about it! I should be very mindful of my experience. I have learned that one game is enough to ruin my life for real. 

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Congrats on your successful declutering month mate!

22 hours ago, Mohammad said:

...

The last time I relapse when I felt over confident. I thought I can play a few games and get back to work like normal. I did so but after a few days, I played again! Before long, I was immersed in gaming thinking day and night about it! I should be very mindful of my experience. I have learned that one game is enough to ruin my life for real. 

You just described me perfectly. I also always end up over confident, go back to video games thinking this time will be different, then I am gaming all the time. We are addicts, it sucks to admit that, but this is what we are.

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Day 34,35:

I have not temptation. I am focused on my work and optimistic about the future. I did workout today. I was not meditating for  a while and I am going to meditate from today.

Covid-19 is rising and we are stuck at home. Thankfully, I have a good spirit because I am starting a new job from the coming week and I am very motivated and excited about it. 🙂

 

My thesis is still under review for examination and hopefully I will receive the examiners' comments by the end of next week.

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Thanks @dasvira. Yes, I am much happier now. I know I will be very successful if I can live without gaming. however, I am scared of another relapse. The last time, I relapsed after 6.5 months! That was painful. I do not want to experience it again. Still, here and there, I feel some urges for gaming. It is very weak though. I am not sure how I can be sure that another relapse does not occur in my life. 

 

Day 36: no gaming. 

Edited by Mohammad
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Day 36 to day 42:

With the start of my new job, I am very excited and busy. This is very good because I experience no urge for gaming. keeping myself busy works for me. I enjoy my new job and it is well aligned with my life long goals. As such, I am feeling blessed for it. 

I started reading a biography of Elon Musk by Ashley Vance. I am very interested to know and learn from Elon! very astonishing figure. 

 

I was quite lazy with my daily workout because of busy schedule. This is worrying for me.

 

 

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Hi @Mohammad
I enjoyed reading your posts.
First of all congrats on your new job!
A job is such a big part of everyday life so I am glad you are enjoying it and it is giving you lots to do.

 

On 11/4/2020 at 9:14 AM, Mohammad said:

I know I cannot go on this route because I will burn out at some point. I don't know, I am just too busy to look around to find new hobbies!

I also saw you talk about staying busy a lot and I'm quoting a post of yours from earlier so I can share my experience.

My way of not having gaming taking over my life was also full involvement into my work. I loved my job and my coworkers. However, when I lost my job because of COVID, I realized I had nothing to fall back on, so of course I relapsed and fell back to gaming.

I'm not saying this is going to happen to you. I just want to encourage you to keep trying hobbies and new interests. I hope you find something that is your spark that excites you as much as your job. Then you always have a backup plan.

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Day 42 to 46:

 

I have been extremely busy these days. I am working full time and yet I am planning to move to another city, and also preparing myself for my final PhD defence. I have a toddler that adds to the busyness of my life. 

I had no urge to play. I was able to fit about 30-40 mints into my daily schedule for workout. I am so happy for that.

 

@championealI totally agree on this with you. I am trying to build some helpful hobbies and habits. For example, I have been reading books over a year now and I have been enjoying it. I can say that It is a real hobby for me. Reading Elon's biography is fun and satisfying. My life is way better now than when I was gaming so I cannot believe that I may relapse again into gaming! unbelievable! Am I really that stupid to fall for it again? Gaming is like a cancer that ruins every aspect of my life including my dreams and those who I love. I have to abandon it at all cost. 

 

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Day 46 to 50:

 

I had no urge for gaming. I have been very motivated and tried to use every minute of my day to improve. I am very happy for this. 

I think removing the steam account was necessary. I have to create a new account to be able to play and that itself is a good barrier. It is also a sign of my seriousness and commitment.  

I am behind screen 7-8 hours a day for my work and study, and so it is unbearable to spend a few more hours to play after work. I know it is very risky for my health if I do so. I am spending at least two hours daily reading book and 30 mints doing workout.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Mohammad said:

I am behind screen 7-8 hours a day for my work and study, and so it is unbearable to spend a few more hours to play after work. I know it is very risky for my health if I do so.

This literally is what I am dealing with. Since my college is fully remote, i have to spend time on a screen for so long and I just hate it. I'm glad you realized that playing after all that time would be a risk and I'm glad you're attempting to balance the time by reading and exercising. 
 

I wish you the best

Jason

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5 hours ago, Mohammad said:

I am behind screen 7-8 hours a day for my work and study, and so it is unbearable to spend a few more hours to play after work. I know it is very risky for my health if I do so. I am spending at least two hours daily reading book and 30 mints doing workout.

 

1 hour ago, Jason70 said:

This literally is what I am dealing with. Since my college is fully remote, i have to spend time on a screen for so long and I just hate it. I'm glad you realized that playing after all that time would be a risk and I'm glad you're attempting to balance the time by reading and exercising. 

 

Second, I spent all my day behind a computer and sometimes I kind of have to visit youtube/ wiki to solve a doubt or two and I always end falling in the rabbit hole.

 

 

I think exercising and reading are two great hobbies to substitute games with. I am also reading, meditating and exercising everyday.

Edited by dasvira
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Day 51, 52, 53:

Thank you @dasviraand @Jason70 for your comments. Yes, screen time is a real issue especially because of the pandemic. Too much strain on my eyes. 

I can't really tell the difference between my days. Basically, the same thing every day. Waking up, working at home and going to bed. all day long at home behind the screen! Hopefully, we are getting rid of Covid-19 pretty quickly. 

Anyway, the good thing is that I have no urge for gaming and I am able to enjoy my work. That's about it.

I am getting there to my 90-day detox this time pretty easily, but yet, I know that I should not be proud about it. I am well aware of the risk and I think about it daily even though I am writing twice a week.

 

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39 minutes ago, Mohammad said:

I can't really tell the difference between my days. Basically, the same thing every day. Waking up, working at home and going to bed. all day long at home behind the screen! Hopefully, we are getting rid of Covid-19 pretty quickly. 

Yeah, for the past 10 months it's been like this. We would do our work and then our hobbies and then the day would end. In fact I have had the thought that besides quarantine, that's what every day has been like at least for people who don't live their life to the fullest and get stuck in a 9-5. Which is unfortunate. Idk time is weird, days are weird. We should just do our best to carve out time and make the most of every day. Also we have some promising vaccines that have been approved by countries so hopefully it will die down early next year?

 

43 minutes ago, Mohammad said:

Anyway, the good thing is that I have no urge for gaming and I am able to enjoy my work. That's about it.

This makes me happy

 

Best 

Jason

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