Mohammad's Journal

[Max]

I made a bet with my brother that I’ll pay him certain amount of money if I relapse. He’ll pay me if I won’t in half a year. This helps me a bit. But yeah, my biggest motivation is knowing how miserable my life is when I’m gaming. Hope you can get through this.

[Mohammad]

11 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

I totally get it. There were definitely times in my life where my game cravings were so strong that I would play on whatever was available. Budget PC, Phone, classic console, etc. When you really want to game these days it's incredibly easy to find a way.

I hope you can find a way to push past these cravings. You've been here for a while so I know that you are aware of trying new hobbies, making new patterns, etc. 

Is something triggering you? Are you under more stress than usual? (I mean these are certainly stressful times.)

This is not judgement in any way. I hope you find the strength inside yourself to do this because it sounds like you really want to quit.

 

 

Yes, I am writing my dissertation that is quite stressful. I had big dreams so I stopped gaming to pursue my dreams. However, I feel it is fading now especially after I broke my detox program. Gaming has a very negative impact on my mental well being even when I play for a very short time. I ended playing for one and half hour last night so I have restart the detox program.

[Mohammad]

8 hours ago, WhoCares said:

I made a bet with my brother that I’ll pay him certain amount of money if I relapse. He’ll pay me if I won’t in half a year. This helps me a bit. But yeah, my biggest motivation is knowing how miserable my life is when I’m gaming. Hope you can get through this.

That sounds interesting. I do not think that will work for me because I am very money sensitive and can easily cheat on my promise! Thank you for advice.

[Mohammad]

I am starting again my detox program from today. I send a request to steam support to delete my account permanently, however, they will do it only if I do not log in for 30 days! That being said, I have to stay off the steam for a month to have it deleted. That is going to be challenging. I think I have to start mediating again. I had no stress when I was doing meditation regularly but recently I am very stressful. 

[MuMuMelon]

Good stuff! I don't have the stressful situation that you have but I have found that meditation has brought a lot of calm into my life. 

You can do 30 days! The next time you get a craving come here first! Let us know and hopefully somebody is around to help. If nobody is here, talk it out to yourself at the very least. Journal about it. Maybe if you take the time to think on why you are getting the urge to play, those urges might pass. 

Hope that helps. 

[Mohammad]

29 minutes ago, MuMuMelon said:

Good stuff! I don't have the stressful situation that you have but I have found that meditation has brought a lot of calm into my life. 

You can do 30 days! The next time you get a craving come here first! Let us know and hopefully somebody is around to help. If nobody is here, talk it out to yourself at the very least. Journal about it. Maybe if you take the time to think on why you are getting the urge to play, those urges might pass. 

Hope that helps. 

Sure, thanks for being here and interacting with me. 

[Mohammad]

Day 1:

 

No gaming. 

I went for 2 hours cycling tonight. It was super fun. I want to read for an hour tonight before going to bed. 

Edited August 21, 2020 by Mohammad

[Mohammad]

Day 2:

No gaming. We had a party lat night so obviously I had no temptation for gaming. Lets see what happens tonight. I am trying to be ready to resist the temptation when it probably hits tonight. 

[Mohammad]

Day 3:

I am going through this day with no gaming as well. I did 2.5 hours of cycling (28 km). Meditating, reading books, spending time with family and friends. I am physically exhausted tonight and going to read before bedtime. 

[Mohammad]

Day 4:

 

I did not play last night. My friends came by and after they left, I read for half an hour before going to bed. I am trying to focus on my long term goals and desires to block instant gratification that comes with gaming. I will try to write as often as possible to avoid being caught up by sudden temptations. 

[Mohammad]

It is 9 pm and I have no temptations for gaming. I am physically and mentally exhausted today. I am going to read for an hour before going bed.

[Mohammad]

Day 5 (August 24th):

I woke up 7 am today and prepared my son for his daycare. I started working on my dissertation since then. I had little temptations but its not a big deal. I think I'll be good today. I will write again at night how the day went on. The book I am reading is very interesting and encouraging: "forged in crisis: The making of Five Courageous Leaders".

[Mohammad]

It is 9 p.m. and I was very productive using every moments of the day. I will study for another hour or two, do some exercise, meditate, read and sleep by 12 midnight. I think I am getting some momentum. I will keep writing twice a day to check with myself more frequently.

[Mohammad]

Day 6 (August 25th):

 

I started the day by sending my son to his daycare, and now I am working on my dissertation. I am doing well and have almost no temptation for gaming. 

[Mohammad]

It is 8 pm and I was not very productive today. I feel really bored and have some temptations. The reason behind the temptations is probably being mostly unproductive and feeling bored and a bit stressed. 

Edited August 26, 2020 by Mohammad

[Mohammad]

Day 7 (August 26th):

Last night, I resisted the temptation to play. I spent my time on writing my dissertation. I did  30 mints of exercise and went to bed. 

 

I am feeling better today and hopefully, will be more productive.

Edited August 26, 2020 by Mohammad

[Mohammad]

Day 8 (August 27th):

I had strong urges to play last night. 😞

I was doing well during the day but suddenly, the character I am playing just passed in front of my eyes! I installed the steam and the game. It took about 30 mints and I was working on my project with a tight deadline. I said to myself that I will play when I am done with this work. I finished the work at 1:30 am. I launched the game and starred at it for a few mints and then exit and uninstall the game and steam! Thanks god, it was super close. 

 

I started today with lifting some weights and doing pretty well now. It is tough at times but I have to keep up the spirit.

 

 

 

 

Edited August 27, 2020 by Mohammad

[BooksandTrees]

8 hours ago, Mohammad said:

Day 8 (August 27th):

I had strong urges to play last night. 😞

I was doing well during the day but suddenly, the character I am playing just passed in front of my eyes! I installed the steam and the game. It took about 30 mints and I was working on my project with a tight deadline. I said to myself that I will play when I am done with this work. I finished the work at 1:30 am. I launched the game and starred at it for a few mints and then exit and uninstall the game and steam! Thanks god, it was super close. 

 

I started today with lifting some weights and doing pretty well now. It is tough at times but I have to keep up the spirit.

 

 

 

 

I think you need to develop a strategy for when you get these strong urges. Some sort of way to change what you're thinking about. It could be a funny song, getting fresh air, drinking water, pushups, talking to someone, etc. 

Something to change your thinking habits. 

[Mohammad]

Day 9 to 11 (August 28th to 30th):

I played for 1.5 hours in these three days. I have to stop it before getting out of control! 

[BooksandTrees]

3 hours ago, Mohammad said:

Day 9 to 11 (August 28th to 30th):

I played for 1.5 hours in these three days. I have to stop it before getting out of control! 

Keep writing down why you're playing, what caused you to play, what playing is doing for you, why you don't want to play, etc.

You have to get gritty with this addiction if you want to fight it.

[Mohammad]

11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Keep writing down why you're playing, what caused you to play, what playing is doing for you, why you don't want to play, etc.

You have to get gritty with this addiction if you want to fight it.

Thank you man! You have been very supportive of me with reflecting on my progress and difficulties. Sure, I will try to write about them.

 

 

[Mohammad]

I did not play any game last night so I keep continue counting the detox days. I think the main reason that I want to play is to escape boredom and engage my mind with some excitation. The other reality in my life is that our relationship with my wife is just not good so that is another reason I ended up gaming at night when the son goes to sleep!

[BooksandTrees]

1 hour ago, Mohammad said:

I did not play any game last night so I keep continue counting the detox days. I think the main reason that I want to play is to escape boredom and engage my mind with some excitation. The other reality in my life is that our relationship with my wife is just not good so that is another reason I ended up gaming at night when the son goes to sleep!

Is there something you can do to communicate with your wife on issues that are bothering you?

[Mohammad]

43 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Is there something you can do to communicate with your wife on issues that are bothering you?

We've been married for 8 years and it has never been good. I think this might be the main reason why I have so much difficulties abandoning gaming.

[BooksandTrees]

2 hours ago, Mohammad said:

We've been married for 8 years and it has never been good. I think this might be the main reason why I have so much difficulties abandoning gaming.

Is it an arranged marriage? Sorry to get personal. I'm just wondering why not divorce or see counseling etc