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Brad's Journal


Brad_Hurst
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My emotions are hitting a peak again. I haven't posted in a while... I need to outlet how I'm feeling though, no one else cares.

This journey is fucking hard. Like really fucking hard. For so long I've been a huge dreamer, just simply dreaming about this lifestyle I want for myself. And that's all I did, dream and then continue to avoid chasing it. I'm scared. I'm really fucking scared. Why am I scared? I think it's because I've built up this image, this pathway in my head that everything is going to be easy sailing. That I'm just magically going to build this fun, joyful lifestyle for myself. I never thought about the pain I'd have to endure to get there. I'm scared that I'm not going to achieve my dreams, that I'll have to settle for mediocrity. Living a boring ass life, with no stories to tell. I'm scared to fail, i'm honestly scared of myself. Why is it I want something so bad, yet I struggle with the taking action.

I think that's what is freaking me out... Do I really want this? Like do I really want this? Or am I just going to settle with taking the easy option because I'm too fucking scared of failure. I've built up a huge ego about myself. That I know I'm somehow going to figure it out 'one day'. That I'm going to get that awesome group of friends, the amazing girlfriend, the freedom to do what I want with my time, the travelling, the epic adventures...

When I think about these things, I get this huge surge of energy, this drive to conquer everything that passes in my way. YET, I sit in front of my laptop - And my mind goes blank. I feel paralysed. I don't know where to start, what the fuck to do. And it scares me because the longer I feel paralysed, unable to take the right action, the longer I stay living a lifestyle that really does not excite me whats so ever!

So. RIght now... What am I doing? Well.

I joined a community called Location Rebel. It's focused on building a location independent income, they have courses on a bunch of different areas for online businesses and work on building up the foundations in all the areas you will need to run one successfully. What they recommend - The easiest way to start making money online, is by writing. Writing 500 word SEO articles for clients. I know I mentioned Social Media Marketing before, and I thought that was the path I was going to start off with. But I kept doubting myself, what do I write? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And when they mentioned to start off with writing, it made complete sense. Like if you're going to be running an online business, you need to know how to write. It's a great way of getting my toes wet, dealing with clients etc. And I thought, as a bonus... Because I'll be writing about a bunch of different things, I'll be researching and learning about loads of different things - Which can only help with my communications in real life right?

So the plan is to start with this. Again, this is what frustrates me about myself. I keep saying I'm going to do things, and then I change my mind. I don't trust myself - That's the truth of it. I've got to build the relationship with myself up again.

The reason I am frustrated today is that before this weekend, I told myself I'd have my freelance website complete and I'd have 2 sample pieces written. Getting my website up took longer than it should have and at the start of today my goal was to simply finish the website and write 2, 500 word articles. NOT THAT HARD. Yet all I achieved was getting my website nearly complete and I never wrote the articles. The truth on that is, I really did not have a clue what to write about. I felt clueless. The thought that kept running through my head is "You don't have any passions, you don't know anything about anything." It's a really shitty thought that keeps circulating in my head, and I can't shake it. Yet I realise it's this thought that is preventing me from moving forward and it needs to change.

MY WEBSITE: http://digitalhurst.com

Lemme know what ya think.

Whilst creating it I was thinking, I'd really like to know how to build this better. I had these visions in my head about how I'd like to create it, but I didn't have the technical knowledge to know how to put it out there. So I think web design/development is something I'd certainly like to try out in the future. Right now I just want the quickest way out of my desk job. I keep toying with the idea of, just fucking quit dude - Go work in a bar or some shit.

I'll be honest, I just seriously need to do something different than sitting at a desk all day. It's driving me insane. You know you're going insane when the sound of someone pouring coffee at their desk gives you the cringes. When you look at your co-workers and they all look like drained robots, and I sense the fake smile they display. Secretly hating their life. I dunno - This is a bad way of thinking. But fuck it, that's what runs through my head sometimes. When I see new employees all joyful as they walk through the doors, laughing away - already trying to impress their boss. And I'm here screaming "GET OUT WHILST YOU CAN, RUN - IT'S A TRAP"

Fuck me... Alright anyways - I watched Chalet Girl with my Mum and Sister as I was just frustrated that I was doing nothing with my work. Mayn - It seriously made me think, I could so live my life like that. I really don't think i'd be that bothered if I was pot washing for a living, but then getting to ski all day. I'd work hard and play real fucking hard. Right now, I work hard, I work hard, I work not so hard, I work even less hard. No play. Maybe a nightout, a bit of working out, a bit of boxing. What a miserable existence I live. If I hadn't been so stupid with my finances, i'd seriously just drop everything RIGHT NOW - Grab a backpack and fuck off.

---

Part of the reason I didn't get so much done this weekend is that I went out on Friday night. It was my friend's first ever DJ event, and it's been in the making for like 4 months. I definitely did not want to miss it. Now - This was a really positive experience. So i'll share the event and hopefully perk myself up in the mean time haha. All imma say is it was fucking epic!

I started the night at my friend's house, he had all of his friends round too and his girlfriend. We just kinda chilled in his room, drank booze. They were all planning on taking drugs that night... Now, I have taken drugs on two occasions in the past - Both times it was pretty fucking epic! I took em at a drum 'n' base festival and then once on a night out when I had passed out due to too much alcohol, and then someone bought me some and it actually revived me and I went on to have one of the best nights ever!

Soooo - I dropped a pill as we got to the venue. We grabbed some glow sticks as we entered the venue, and as we got inside we realised the dance floor was empty. Well Chelsea (My friend's girlfriend) and I just started dancing by ourselves on the dance floor aha. Eventually it picked up, I met an old classmate outside so it was cool to catchup with him. I then had a play fight with Chelsea and she was showing me some of the moves she learnt when she used to do Judo - Mayn she was pretty good, i'd pretend to throw a punch and she'd block it away and then kick me in the side. I caught her foot a few times and at one point she threw me to the ground! Obviously I let her do it...

And then my friend started playing. And holy shit, the dance floor was a light! Everyone was just busting mad moves and going crazy.

Here's me and me mate Fin:

nightout.png.fa4ef38daf4c70b8a565547c209f2f59.png

So ya, overall - an awesome night. I had a pretty bad hangover most of Saturday though!

Just had a phone call with my Dad. I was quite negative but he kept picking me up, he's being really inspiring. And he is battling similar things to me about self-doubt and all that. I know it's my mindset that's holding me back. It's almost like i'm addicted to the negative thoughts. I can't let go. I shall keep persisting, I will keep trying, I will keep going.

My Dad mentioned that I may be overworking myself. This may be true - I might book a weekend away somewhere. Probably by myself - I don't really care. It'd be cool if I could go abroad for the weekend on the cheap.

I'll mention what i've told myself before. It's patience. Things are going to come good. Things have already been good, I'm just ignoring the good things and focusing on the bad. I know, give me 3 months and my whole world will have changed.

That's all for now.

- Brad.

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Go on the trip! Take a notebook with you and write a little every day in it about your thoughts and what you're doing. Make a habit of writing a little here and there especially if you're riding on a train or plane or bus.

Your website looks good. Just gotta get some more life experiences to put in it and you'll be off and running I think ;)

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Hm.. so I checked your shop - two days ago I think? And it still had the same 5 camo pants. So I started writing this massive rant, but then I opened it and I see some very nice progress! So yeah, umm I deleted some parts, but here's the gist :6_smile:

I'm watching your journey, it's very inspiring, but if I may have advice for you even though I'm not experienced with this or anything, I'm just basically repeating a synthesized set of opinions of the influencers I follow... You NEED more patience. I know you can't wait to break out of your 9-to-5 and make enough money to travel to a different country every week. I'm in the same boat with you buddy. I'm reaching such levels of excitement that I haven't felt for years(except that one time that I discovered RSD lol). In the following couple months, I truly believe my life will absolutely explode! ...in the good way. But here's the thing - we need to keep our heads cool despite the excitement and eagerness. Otherwise we become unstable and will falter.

I'm following Kevin David on youtube for some tutorials on shopify, FB ads etc. because I'm really new to this, I literally discovered the marketing world 2 weeks ago - but you know what he says about product testing? You should test FIVE PRODUCTS PER DAY. Dude the life you want to build does not come easily. Even though social media and fullfilment services are a gigantic opportunity we have, it still requires a fuckton of work and patience. I'm not saying that you MUST do shopify or even physical products. If you want to be a writer - absolutely go for it and crush it. But seriously go and crush it! Realize that there will be obstacles on every corner. It's guaranteed. Every successful person will tell you the same thing - it's harder than it looks. Don't get discouraged if the first thing fails. Try another one! Don't get discouraged if that fails, don't even get discouraged when your 50th thing fails. As long as you learn and know what to improve on the next go - keep at it. Entrepreneurship is not the easy money, as some people make it seem. If it was, everybody would be ballin'. But who's the only one ballin' ? The ones who persevered through all the bullshit and failure, learned and improved.

Good luck my man I trust you can do this and one day we'll shake hands IRL and exchange our stories of success.

p.s. the camo pug is hilarious

Edited by JustTom
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@JustTom Hey man, thanks for following my journey! Yeah, I realise patience is something that I need to adopt. I'm finding it very difficult to stay patient though because my current thinking is that my 9-5 is restricting me from doing everything else I want to accomplish. So I'm desperate to get out of it lol. I've told myself that 31st of May is the day I hand in my resignation. By then I hope to be making some money through freelance writing, and if not... I can always go work in a bar or some shit! Haha.

I hate to say this, but the progress you see on the Camo Body store... Wasn't me... I sold the store on Tuesday for $200. Although after fees and transferring into GBP I got about £113. Not too bad lol. But yeah it was a bit of sting to see how quickly he started adding products and making progress, just shows how much hesitation and 'thinking' can hamper your progress. Something that I'm realising a lot lately. You think you're 'working' but is it real work? Is what you're doing REALLY taking you towards your goal. Half the time I find i'm just reading articles or guides instead of doing the actual work.

But yeah, I decided to sell the store because I wasn't working on it. It was just taking money out of my pocket each month. I realised that it was going to take a lot longer than I expected to build an income that I can live off. So I changed my plan of action to one that will help me immediately become location independent, or at least more quickly. The great thing is, the things i'll be learning for freelancing will directly help me with my own online businesses in the future. And I definitely plan to create another Shopify store in the future, but when I have more time to nurture it and actually put real effort into it. And I feel pretty confident I will be able to make it work, i've certainly learnt alot from doing the first one. And now I have also learnt alot more about facebook ads, social media in general and now i'm learning about writing (artices, blogs, etc.) and soon SEO.

And yup, the reality of how much work I need to do, to build the lifestyle I want has certainly hit. But you know what... I'm not giving up lol. I'm NEVER going to fucking settle. Fuck that.

I realise I've been living in the clouds - Dreaming this great life for myself. Never thinking about the work I need to do to get there (the dirt).

----

What else have I been up to lately? Haven't posted in a week.

Fucking shit up at my boxing class. Sparred 3 guys yesterday, i'm soOOOOOoo much more confident now in my boxing. Instead of flinching when people throw punches at me or jumping backwards. I stand my ground, I slip or I just take it to the face and carry the fuck on. Being a taller guy anyways, I usually dominate with my reach. So guys have to rush in on me, and I just plant my fist in there face. My guard is a lot tighter too, so I'm rarely taking big hits anyways.

I won't let myself build an ego about my fighting skills though, I have a lot to learn.

That moves onto the next thing. I'm reading Ego is the Enemy at the moment. Really enjoying reading this. It really dives deep into why it's your ego that is preventing you from progressing. Also i'm listening to The New-Physcocybernetics on the way to work. It's all about self-image, beliefs and programming the sub-conscious mind.

On the girls front, ya nothing right now haha. On a random day last week I decided to just message like 10 of the girls out of 95 matches I haven't messaged lol. I was in a, I don't give a fuck mood and literally just wrote whatever the fuck came to my head. At first I started with hey, none of those replied... And then I literally just let my filter go after a while and just went rapid fire. I kid you not, one of my messages - Infact let me get a screendump xD

 988c318cab93ed250696520af0ae2543.png.991c79b57ddb6d87252953e2712bfc03.png

Lawl - Anyways... I SOOOOO want to achieve a level where I have zero fucks and just speak my mind. I always make myself laugh about the ridiculousness of certain things, yet I feel so restricted when I'm around people. Again, I believe this is where actually being able to interact with new people daily will help me to improve, and the reasons why I seriously need to get outta my office job. Because I want to make it a daily habit, not something that just occurs on the weekend. I lose momentum way too quickly. And ye, because I feel so negatively about my work situation it does affect how I feel in all areas of my life, so i'm rarely going to be a good person to be around. Pah, they're just bullshitty excuses - But fuck it, I know I don't feel good about myself because of it. And it's hard to change your belief on the subject when you deep down know it's hurting you and change needs to happen.

I've decided that i'm going to take myself on a bike ride tommorow. I'm going to go to this place that I used to ride around when I younger with my Dad. Then in the evening i'm going to go and support a friend of a friend playing at some event. Will probs be drinking, and we'll see where the night leads.

I realise I should try and get more social interaction into my life. But between work, commitments to martial arts and trying to get my freelance business going. It leaves me rarely anytime. Yes - I could certainly be alot more disciplined and especially on the weekend - I 'could' make it happen. I just wanna be a bit careful of doing too many new things at once. Because I know once I start something, I start researching all about it and very often just dismiss everything else lol. And I know because relationships and all that is the bigger thing that needs fixing, i'll start looking more into that and neglecting everything else.

Auh fuck, this was suppose to be a quick post! I went off on one didn't I...

I've actually been doing a daily writing practise. I used this website called 750words.com. Basically everyday I write 750 words, straight from whatever the hells come out of my head. I've completed it 10 days straight, averaging around 11 minutes per 750 words. I'm like a motherfucking speed demon on the keyboard lol. It's great because you're just vomiting your thoughts onto the page and which allows you to have more of a perspective.

Anyways, I thought that by also doing that - Not only for the writing practise and just allowing thoughts to flow better... I thought it would help clear up my journal posts, I could construct these alot better. Clearly that didn't happen in this post haha.

In the future I'm going to aim to structure my posts alot better - Just like i'd be posting an article on my website.

Oh - I've got two sample articles on my website now. Check em out - I was struggling to come up with topics, so one of them is on Why video games can be harmful.

i'm going to write one more sample article, and then i'm going to email a writing agency that i've been referred to by one of the members in my location rebel community. We'll see if they hire me to do some work for them, apparently they have a lot of work to give out. She told me that they offer £12.50 per 500 word article. I mean, it's a decent start point. I just want the experience of working with a real client right now. And actually making some dollar online. Mayn, if I get the work and they are consistently giving me work. I may just leave my job right away lmao. Okay - Maybe a little patience Brad... But fo real.

Gonna be searching for some other writing agencies too. I'm also going to be creating an upwork account and try to get some work on there too.

Finally, i'm taking alot more notice into copywriting - I'm really starting to see how people are crafting their email sequences, how they are writing their landing pages. They all have the same kind of process, but obviously different styles. Soon I will start handwriting copywriting sales letters to ingrain the methods into my head.

Anyways, I think that will wrap up my shit show of a post xD

 

 

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16 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:

I hate to say this, but the progress you see on the Camo Body store... Wasn't me... I sold the store on Tuesday for $200. Although after fees and transferring into GBP I got about £113. Not too bad lol. But yeah it was a bit of sting to see how quickly he started adding products and making progress, just shows how much hesitation and 'thinking' can hamper your progress. Something that I'm realising a lot lately. You think you're 'working' but is it real work? Is what you're doing REALLY taking you towards your goal. Half the time I find i'm just reading articles or guides instead of doing the actual work.

Oh. Bamboozled. :6_smile: Yeah I get stuck reading guides and such as well sometimes. As long as you actually need that piece of knowledge and it's the best way to get it - it is 'work' for sure. But it's important to keep in mind what you are reading it FOR - to build. The moment you know how to build, then build. Once you don't know, then you should learn. I think we should be asking ourselves at every point 'what is the most valuable thing I could be doing right now?' - if the answer is studying how-to's, then it's good.

Edited by JustTom
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I had such an awesome day yesterday!

It involves a beautiful bike ride that could have ended in misery, meeting the wrong Chris, pulling a cute chick in a club and then nearly getting kicked out of the club! And then masterfully finding a place to sleep at night.

It's a long post, so buckle in for the ride :)

I decided to take the day off and do absolutely nothing work related.

I went to my fitness class in the morning and then because the weather was beautiful, I took myself on a 3 hour bike ride. Literally just packed some food, grabbed my bike and just rode where ever my nose fancied.

England really is a beautiful place in the country side. I was riding along side flower covered fields, down some nice bendy roads. I had the warm breeze rushing into my face and a clear blue sky above me. It was just me and nature and it felt great.

You only really enjoy it when the weather is nice, which is not very often!

On my way home I got curious about this road that I've never been down before. So I went down it, I then saw an entrance to a canal path. And decided to ride along side the canal. Unfortunately I picked up a puncture! I think it may have happened when I jumped off of this wall thing. And I still had 30 minutes of riding left! It also started raining. You'd think this would kill the mood, but I stayed in good spirits. Laughed at how typical it was this happened and just carried on.

When I got home I was just happy. In bliss. I was just talking to myself and chatting some random ass shit which was making me laugh. I don't even know where it was coming from but I just kept rolling. If someone walked in on me they'd probably think I'd gone mental haha.

In the evening, I went out. The end of the night was sooooooOo good. I started off by going to watch some live rock bands, I was invited by this guy named Chris whom I met at this other live show i went to. He was on first. It's funny, I actually mistakened this Chris guy for some other guy called Chris i know. So for like the first 10 minutes after arriving I was walking around trying to look for this other Chris. I looked at the act on stage and thought to myself. Hey I've seen that guy before, what are the chances of him being here... And then it hit me. Ohhh shit, he's fucking Chris ?

My friend Milan turned up about 10 minutes after I arrived too.  Which saved me, I felt so out of place. I'm not a rock kid like all these people surrounding me. I only went to watch the show because i thought I was watching this OTHER Chris!

Most of the time there was quite boring to me. There were some cool acts though, although we spent alot of the night outside not watching the acts. Milan had 2 friends come down and then spent so much time talking about the technical side to music, so I had pretty much zero input. Milan is the guy who's event I went to last weekend.

At one point I got so bored of listening to them. I saw this girl who was sitting by herself, she was the ticket person who mans the front door. She was cute though, I just thought fuck it - and walked up to her. This by the way was my first attempt at walking up to a random chick at a bar.  Chatted for a little while, didn't really get anywhere attraction wise but I did find out she's a graphic designer and got her on instagram so I could hit her up if i need some designs doing. This is probably why I never built attraction ?

We left that place and then went to another bar. Where again they spent alot of time talking about music. 

We finally left the bar, and I managed to convince Milan to go to the club. I was going to go regardless if he came or not. We got in the club and he wasn't really enjoying it, he wanted to keep going to different floors and to the smoking area. I was like fuck this, I just wanna dance man. He said he was gonna go home and that was cool with me, I felt like I was being held back whilst he was there.

So he left and I started doing my thing!

AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS EPIC

So I was dancing for a while and at this point I hadn't approached anyone. I looked at the time and saw that I only had an hour left. I thought to myself, man I don't want to have any regrets about this night. A girl was dancing with her friend near me, and I think she did take a couple of glances in my direction. I thought, DO IT BRO! Just try dance with them. I felt this huge resistance but I decided to push right through it. I grabbed her hand and her friends hand and well... The rest is history!

She was immediately receptive so I had it cut out pretty easy. So I danced with them both for a bit, using my good ol' twizzle dance move whilst progressively getting closer to the girl.  I had to be concious that she was with her friend though, I didn't want to pull her away from her. As she'd only come back and cockblock me. I told her that I felt bad for leaving her friend out. Fortunately the friend went off to look for her other friends.

Boom I immediately progressed and smoothly went in for the kiss. After dancing and kissing for a little bit her friends took notice and came over to try 'rescue' her. We moved to the bar area and this is really where it was game ON.

I had to win the friends over else this was going no further. And mayn, I WAS ON FIREEEEEEE. I honestly felt like such a player, I was suprising myself by how naturally and cooly I was taking control of the situation. I spent some time playfully teasing the friends, teasing Millie (the girl). Not being pushy, just being a fun guy. Bringing value to the group.

Two of her friends were both named Caitlyn and I used that as my way of gaining their trust. I created a competition to see who was the best Caitlyn and then used this to talk to everyone else in the group. It also helped me to remember their names! Something I've always strugged with, and suprisingly I somehow managed to remember Millie's name all night too.

At one point we returned to the dance floor and she admitted she forgot my name! Oh man I used this to create some MAD tension. I looked at her playfully serious and then said something like "What! You forgot my name, nah I'm done" and then started to walk off. She was like noooo.

And this is where I was smoooth as fuck, I stopped in time with the music. Turned my head back to her with the beat, spun around, grabbed her hand, pulled her in close and kissed her ?

I eventually told her and she thought I said bread and this became an on going joke for the rest of the night.

Oh. You know the part where people say 'just buy her a drink'. Well fuck that, she bought me a drink and then her friend bought me a drink too.

And this is where I just had zero fucks, I was confidently doing things that other guys just wouldn't usually do. I was creating this unique adventure for the girl, ripping her out of the norm. Maybe this is like the one advantage of not going out that often, I don't know the social norms so whatever i do is gonna be a unique, different experience haha.

I spilt my drink over her hands and mine. You know what I did? It's pretty fucking disgusting where i think about it but it was funny. I just started licking it off the top of her hand. I then rubbed my hand over her face and started licking her face.  She found it hilarous ?

We kept dancing and finding moments to kiss.

Then I nearly got kicked out!

I kept picking her up and dancing with her. The bouncer didn't seem to like that for some reason. He told me off at least 4 times but I kept doing it. But then the final straw was, we were at the side and I was just propped up against the railing and she was dancing with me. I didn't think there was nothing wrong but obviously things must have looked pretty sexual. He came over and gestured for me to leave.

I was walking with him and he told me, "This is not a sex show bro" ? Bruh, it honestly wasn't even that bad. I think it's just because she was so close and like sitting on my leg as I lent backwards. Anyways I insisted I was sorry and I'd calm it down. Thankfully he was cool and let me return.

I got back to Millie and told her that apparently we were a sex show. You were being too sexy! 

It's mad, I just felt so in control all night. She even said at one point, you're so smooth. Ngl, my ego took a boost then.

Okay so it was time to leave.

First me and her friends went to grab some food from McDonalds. On the walk there I got to know her better. Revealing a different side to me. Turns out she has skied every year since she was 5. When I heard that I was like holy crap, marry me? - In my head. She claimed she could backflip on skies too. Now I dunno if I believed that, but she was a gymnast too so maybe she could be telling the truth. I told her I can backflip on a trampoline, she didn't believe me so i showed her the video of me doing a backflip whilst shooting a basketball into a bin that I posted on instagram.

When we were standing still, she would stand really close and hug me. Mayn, this is the real shit. I fucking love being embraced by a women, I'm sure everyone does. But since it never happens in my life, it just feels fucking awesome and I feel ontop of the world.

Anyways, time to go home. I had already found out the logistics earlier on. And knew that it was going to be fucking hard to get anything to happen after the club. If I really was a player when I found out the logistics I would have looked for another girl. But ya fuck it, I was having a good time with this chick.

So here's what I was dealing with: She lived 30+ minutes away, she lived in the area where I go to work. She also had work at 9 in the morning. The taxi to her place was like £40, they were sharing the cost between all 8 of them. And getting her to come back with me wouldn't have happened due to her having work.

So yea, fucking expensive and I dunno how the hell I'm going to get home. It will rinse my bank account. So i didn't go back with her. :(

Maybe being tha motherfucking virgin i am, I should have just gone and dealt with getting home after. I also don't know if there was even room for me in the taxi.

So ya, I still hold the V card for another day.

I got her number though. Been messaging a little bit this morning.

I now declare myself the MASTER of finding places to crash. I really didn't want to pay £20 to get home. So I worked my magic haha.

Near the end of the night I started to get to know this other guy who was pulling one of Millie's friends. I was actually having some fun conversations with, wtf.

When we both found out how much the taxi was, we were both like fuUuuck that. So we both just stood there watching our women walk away lol. Anyways, I managed to convince him to let me crash on his sofa. It was only a 3 minute walk.

I only got like 3-4 hours sleep. When I woke up I just picked up my stuff and left. Dropped him a thank you text message.

Unfortunately the bus wasn't running for another hour so I started walking home. After about 30 minutes. I thought fuck this, sat at the bus stop and started writing in my journal.

And 2 hours later, I'm finally finished writing it haha. 

So yup. That was my day. And I loved it.

And you know what is crazy. Had I not, in that moment grabbed her hand. Had I listened to the resistance. NONE of this would have happened. And this is the amazing thing I'm realising with socialising, you seriously don't know where it's going to lead to. But nothing is EVER going to happen if you don't take action.

Peace, 

Brad

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Okay ladies and gentlemen.

I may be going on a date!

I was texting that girl quite a lot yesterday, and she seemed quite interested to get to know me more as she was asking me many questions. I thought fuck it, lets see if we can get her on a date. So I asked what her favourite things were to do in Hinkley which is where she lives - Also where I go to work. Apparently, there isn't much going on other than the Italian food was great, I kinda already knew this too because everyone at work says nothing is going on there.

Anyways, I said i'm not much of a foodie but let's do something on Wednesday evening. And said that we can find something I'll kick your ass at.

She was down and after a bit of arranging, we agreed that Wednesday would work.

I always hear that dinner dates aren't a great first date. I want to do something different, and she certainly seemed like the kinda of person who is down for anything. SOO.....

I've been looking for things to do there and I'm not having much luck, but then one thing jumped out at me and I was like holy crap - That could be awesome!

Swimming. I think we should go swimming :D

I briefly mentioned that I wanted to travel and surf and she said she tried surfing but wasn't so successful and also admitted she wasn't that good of a swimmer. So this could either go down really well or not haha. One thing to note too, I don't have that much money to spend right now - So it's also a very cheap date haha. But I think it could be a great thing to do, and it definitely provides MANY opportunities to get close. And just as a bonus, there is a bar just down the road which we could potentially go to afterwards. 

So i'm going to message her later saying something like "Okay, i've found something perfect! You're either gonna hate it or love it :D". I'll leave it at that and create some suspense. Once she replies i'll wait a little bit and then tell her. We'll see what the reaction is. Obviously she is going to need to be comfortable about her body which, she's really into fitness so I don't see why she wouldn't be... And then obviously you cannot really wear makeup in the swimming pool either xD

If she doesn't like the idea then i'll probably just take her for some food. Either way, i'm pretty fucking excited. And I know this is bad, but I can't stop thinking about it either...

I'll keep ya posted!

- Brad

 

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The date is happening :)

Going out for drinks at a lounge type bar in her town.

I'm pretty nervous haha - But excited too.

I know just before picking her up, my anxiety level will be high as fuck but i'm just going to embrace it. Let go of it and just try my best to be chill, let loose.

Fuckk, i'm actually quite scared haha

Not gotta let any doubts rule me anymore, screw that  - I've been doubting my ability for too long. I'm letting go. Whatever happens, happens.

I've proved to myself that I can build attraction in nightclubs, I can kiss girls in nightclubs. I've proved to myself that I can keep a text conversation going. I've now proved to myself that a girl wants to go on a date with me. Now let's go prove to myself that I can actually go on a date.

May this be the start to my dating life.

- Brad

 

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Bro you seem to be really talented at this haha. I think when it comes to game, it is good to use the 20/80 rule. Use 20% of your time to get the 80% of value out of it. I don't think you or me want to live the RSD instructor life where all they do is pick up girls, that would be the remaining 20% value that requires the other 80% of the time. But with investing just a bit of time into this thing, I have gained a TON of confidence, open-mindedness, ability to be more loose and comfortable around new people and even some nice results. Go for it!

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The date went really well!

We were talking and laughing away for more than 2 hours and that time went SUPER quick. We only had one drink each and it lasted the whole 2 hours because we were talking so much haha. So yeah I had a ton of fun and I believed she enjoyed herself too.
I have learnt alot through just that one date too. Now although I wasn't being critical or analysing anything whilst in the interaction, i'm still aware of what I really need to improve on and have learnt some huge lessons too.

I believe I do now understand the foundations of how to be an attractive male, which has helped me tremendously but it still means jackshit, experience is key. Action is KEY.


For me personally, any theory i've read goes out of my head when i'm sitting there infront of the girl. I just have to rely on my natural instincts combined with any concepts I remember. The thing that made the evening great, because this could have made things super awkward had I gone about it differently. I was willing to be vunerable, I accepted and laughed about my downfalls - And holy shit I discovered many whilst on the date haha.
First of all, i'm actually pretty darn stupid. I really do not know much. I'm a very basic dude who keeps things simple. We both realised this pretty much straight away haha, for example when we first arrived we ordered drinks. She had some weird cocktail thing and I thought she said it was called margarita or some shit (I was constantly mishearing what she was saying, which was making her laugh - I just wish I was doing it intentionally instead of accidently haha). I went for a gin and tonic - The bartender asked me how I wanted it. And I had no clue! After randomly picking a gin and then choosing tap over bottle, she said "ooooh bad choice" and then told me what I SHOULD have had. She then proceeded to ask about what drinks I like where I could literally only answer like - Errr well I like vodka and coke, i've heard of sex on the beach - No clue what's in it, woo woo - same thing. Same thing happened when we had a conversation about food. I was like err well I like chicken and rice. I took it in my stride, I admitted yea I don't know much i'm very simple and we just laughed about it.


I surprised myself by how naturally funny I can be, I have a very sarcastic animated sense of humour. And I love re-referencing stupid shit she said earlier on in the conversation. (apparently dogs feet smell like popcorn... xD)

I was very truthful about my gaming past and even admitted that I did feel nervous about this date and thought it would be very awkward. We bonded over this and she said she felt the same and anytime we felt it got a bit awkward, we just laughed about it. I have a very laid back view on life, so I don't take anything that serious and hence why I can so easily laugh about myself or admit faults. No point getting sad about it, own it baby.

I 100 percent need to work on my story telling, I felt like everytime I tried explaining something - I was losing her. I could see it in her body language. It's almost like I find it difficult to structure my words properly, nervousness probably wasn't helping. And that's why I just need to keep trying and gradually building my social confidence.

I was also lucky in the fact that she would always have something to reignite the conversation. Whenever the conversation died out, half the time my mind would go blank so I just sat there confidently with a smile on my face and just looked her directly in the eyes. EVERYTIME I did this, she'd say "What!?" and then laughed.

Finally, I didn't build any physical interactions. It was kinda difficult to do as we were sat at a longish table directly facing each other. If I wasn't in the car when I dropped her off, then i'd probably have gone in for a hug. And probably when walking to the car I should have gone for the hand. OH WELL.

I'm happy and content with how the night went. I'm super stoked that I even went on a date and survived! My only goal going into the date was to simply chill out, have fun and completely be myself, and that is exactly what I did. So I couldn't be happier.

Infact i've not stopped smiling all day, I write this message with a huge grin on my face.

And you know what's amazing! "Go on a date" was a goal of mine that I set last month. And I gave myself 2 months to achieve it and i've done it! :D

As for what happens with this girl, I like her and we were cracking up the whole time so I'm assuming she likes me too. I'll try to see if I can take her on a second date, hopefully doing something more activity based this time. btw this chick is apparently a bit of an adrenaline junkie, rides on the back of her dad's motorbike all the time, loves watching the motogp and loves watersports and skiing. BRUH, I'd be stupid to not try progress anything with her. She literally ticks many of the boxes I'd look for in a girl. Fuck I don't want to fall head over heels for her, but it's pretty difficult not to when you have hardly any social life and she just has many qualities I'd look for in a girl. I know I don't really know what other girls are like, but I literally feel like I've hit a right gem of a girl on the first try lol.

@JustTom - I think I just learn things super quick, I certainly was never a natural with women. I come from being as beta as a guy can be lol. But then again for years on end I hardly interacted with people at all. But yeah I do believe I have natural care free fun side to me and I'm just seriously inexperienced. And I know that once I start experiencing more of these things, I'm going to start becoming really confident and be naturally attractive to many women. But yeah letting loose and being comfortable around people is something I strive to improve at.

And for sure on the RSD pickup thing. Yes it'd be cool to go around banging a load of chicks. But for me personally, I want connection. Just from having this one girl enter my social life, actually having someone who I can text during the day. I have just felt so content with my life. I'm just happy. I just want to get to a point where I am confident around all women, I know that I can attract them and just build connections with people who share the same values as me. Sex is obviously something I'd like to experience, but I realise now that it is only because of the connection it can bring. I'm not so bothered about just getting my dick wet for the sake of it.

It's simple for me - When I feel connected to people, I feel on top of the world - Floating on clouds. When I know I'm making an impact on someones life, I feel awesome.

Life is fucking good.

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7 minutes ago, Brad_Hurst said:

If I wasn't in the car when I dropped her off, then i'd probably have gone in for a hug.

Get out of the car next time dawg. Lol.

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Holy moly, i'm buzzing!

I just did like the smoothest thing - Felt like I did something you'd see in a movie :4_joy:

Before I say what I did, I went on a second date!

It was with the same girl. I had been messaging her a bit after the first date and she hinted in one of the messages about ice skating and how she hadn't been in forever. So I was like, PERFECT. We're going ice skating.

The ice rink was a 40 minute drive away + I had to drive 30 minutes to pick her up. So alot of driving on my part, but fuck it in the name of experience haha.

Today I told myself that the aim of the date was to get more physical, and potentially go for a kiss.

When I picked her up, I made sure to go in for the hug this time!

On route to the ice rink we just chatted a little bit and played music - (I'll talk a little bit about this at the end)

Once we arrived and got our boots on, it was ready to ice skate! She kept insisting how bad she was going to be and I could tell she was kinda nervous about it. So I grabbed her hand and led her to the ice, I stepped on first to make sure I could still do it and then helped her on. At first she was very shakey but I just held her strongly and we started to move forwards. Despite kinda losing her balance every so often she started to get the hang of it which was awesome. It meant I didn't have to stick to the walls all evening haha.

We was having alot of fun, especially when she kept nearly falling over and i'd hold her up. A couple of times she'd pretty much fall over and somehow I'd manage to grab her and we'd fall into each others arms whilst staying on our feet haha. Was some pretty funny shit, although I got lipstick on my new white t-shirt!

We'd head to the side, have a little rest and a little chat and then continue. At one point however, I said I was gonna do one lap by myself. So I sped off, I got way too cocky and tried to take a corner too quick and fell over! Of course she was watching ahaha. Oh well... She was laughing. And then after that we both fell over together twice, luckily neither of us got hurt, although my elbow feels a bit bruised and also my watch snapped off! I think it's only a link break, so no biggie. Falling over was pretty funny actually haha.

Cheesy disco music started playing and in the centre of the ice rink a bunch of 12-16 year olds started congregating to dance to the music. So I was like, yo we're gonna go dance. She was tryna resist but I kept insisting whilst guiding her to the middle. Had a bit of a boogie on ice, that was pretty funny.

Okay so now I felt the vibe was going great. We were having alot of fun together. We were chilling at the side of the ice rink and she said "I find it really hard to read you". I was like what do you mean by that? And she replied "I never know what you're thinking". So then I was like "Let me show you what i'm thinking", extended my arm out to the back of her head, pulled her in slightly and I went for the kiss! BOOM, she kissed me back for like a good 5 seconds. yooooooOOOoooooo like I just pulled that one off!

For the rest of the night I was skating around like yeaaa boiii. Thankfully things never went awkward after the kiss, we kinda just continued on as if it never even happened to be honest. I didn't kiss her again for the rest of the night though, but ah well. To be honest, she is quite shy in the sense of not wanting to express herself. Like she's not shy talking, but will never initiate anything or even give anything to go off in that sense. If ya get what I mean... So basically I have to initiate everything else nothing will happen. 

Which... I'm super fucking inexperienced myself so I have no clue what i'm doing. Lol

So yeah, we had alot of fun whilst ice skating.

We then drove home where we probably talked a little less and just played music.

She did initiate the hug in the car when I dropped her off though.

So overall the date went pretty fucking good! I achieved both of my goals for the date and had a good time with her :)

Now for some things that I seriously do need to work on, because I feel i'm getting super lucky with this girl and would be fucked if it was anyone else.

First off. I've gotta develop my music taste, my Spotify playlist is just a bunch of random crap. I don't really know what my favourite genre of music is. I don't really have any favourite songs, and I don't know the lyrics to pretty much any song. I do know a few words in some songs. And i'm terrible with song names and artists. I want to have the ability to sing along with a girl or friends etc... As I feel this can create an awesome bond between the two of you. Like, I did actually try singing out a few words in one of the songs aha - She just laughed at me haha.

I definitely want to be more talkative - Like cool, I don't mind being quiet. But I want to be able to initiate more conversations, have the ability to bring up more topics and all that. Because genuinely, I didn't really have a filter tonight - There is just never anything in my head that I want to talk about. And when you look at how my life has been, you can see why. I spent many years just playing computer games and not learning about other things. And now I just sit in an office all day for 40+ hours a week, doing the same thing and not experiencing anything to talk about.

I don't want to rely on the other person in the conversation always coming up with things to talk about. It's certainly not a nervous thing, because it happens with my Mum and Sister. Whom I certainly do not feel anxious or anything around. I'm very quiet around them too, I do want to have more things to talk about. I honestly think it's down to my experiences in life. 

I've gotta get better at communicating too. Just in general the way I structure my words when I speak. I should definitely slow down when I speak, that'll probably help. And I've got to start being more certain of myself. Like the girl i've been on the dates with isn't very sure of herself either half the time, so I get away with being uncertain about things. But if i'm to have any chance at all with real secure women, then i'm fucked as I am right now basically.

This is basically what i'm realising with going on the dates with this girl. I'm getting seriously lucky with her because she's young and I guess kinda insecure herself (I don't know, but that's what i'm kind of sensing). But I really am fucked as I am right now if I ever go for higher status women (I don't really like wording it/saying it like that) but I hope you get what I mean. I know I know what I mean ahaha.

Butttt yeah, I do like this girl. I think she's really cool and is into all of the kinda stuff i'm into. And definitely has a good sense of humour too. We'll see what happens. I just worry that because i'm not very talkative that's putting her off.

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8 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:

First off. I've gotta develop my music taste, my Spotify playlist is just a bunch of random crap.

WELL, TOM TO THE RESCUE THEN! 

Have you heard about - SWING METAL? If not, let it become your favorite genre of all right now.

 

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I feel fantastic today!

Feeling so good I just want to write a little haha.

I stuck to my word and finished my payments with Cam. It was tough and I've had very little money for quite a few months. But it feels very good to stick to your word. And I'm grateful for the many insights and transformations I've gone through during this period. It truly will serve me for the rest of my life.

Me and the girl I've been going on dates with are just going to be friends. And I'm totally cool with that. We're definitely still gonna hang out which is awesome! It was kind of a combination of she's heading off to uni so doesn't want to commit to a relationship and I want to travel too. Also confidence played a part. But I really can see us becoming good friends if we continue to see each other. I'm just happy I'm making friends :D

I achieved an orange belt in my martial art (NUDDA). Which isn't that easy to get, there are not many people who wear that belt and I've only been doing it for like 7 months! So that feels super awesome. I was at a seminar this weekend where the master of NUDDA came down and taught us some things. On the Sunday we did ground work, like wrestling and all that and I really loved it. There is just something about wrestling with other guys that is extremely fun and challenging. I'm not gay. :4_joy: It's weird but I like getting my ass kicked, it means I've got a lot to learn.

I was a bit fed up yesterday and when I got home from work I decided to start reading 4 hour work week by Tim Ferris. I got a super strong urge to just give in my resignation immediately. I'm giving myself a deadline of 31st of may, that's when I'll definitely give in my resignation, if not sooner.

Whilst reading the book, I read something that really sparked up some passion inside of me. He mentioned that he did some tango dancing in Argentina and I was thinking, holy shit... I would fucking love to dance in Brazil or some shit. And I had a quick think about my past and my love for dancing is there. I used to be that kid on holiday who would dance on the stage with not a fuck in the world, I'm that guy on the dance floor in nightclubs who goes crazy. Any time music is being played in the house, I start fucking dancing. Literally I cannot help it, my foot just starts moving and then I break out into a full on dance routine ahah.

And then I had this crazy vision of what my perfect life would look like. I'd been in a place like brazil where they have a very outgoing fun culture. I'd have a sexy Brazilian dance partner and we'd have a really close connection to each other and absolutely kill the dance floor. I'd be immersed in the culture and have developed strong relationships with the coffee shop employees whilst working on ma business. I'd be speaking Spanish to them and we'd joke around and have a fun vibe. I can go off and have surf breaks. I'd own a cool ass looking motorbike and would train martial arts. So in essence, and I really can see myself becoming this guy. I'd be this tall, handsome fella whom has real confidence and charisma about him. He'd be pretty badass as he rides a cool looking motorbike and can fight and then by the night turns into this elegant, smooth mover. And I just know that as an added bonus to that, girls would fall head over heels for me.

I will live my life like the film Point Break - Just going off and doing awesome shit all the time, living on the edge. Skydiving, skiing, scuba diving, surfing, bungee jumping. Dayum it's all to play for, and it's only up to me to build that life for myself.

 

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Holy shit. I handed my resignation in at work today.

I bet ya didn't see that one coming... Me neither to be fair.

Something just flipped inside of me. My gut has been telling me to do it for a long time - And I finally just listened to it. I was watching a video on youtube yesterday of this guy who's living in Bali and I just thought, FUCK IT - I'm handing in my resignation tomorrow. The other thing that spurred me to do it, is that I was warned at work that my internet usage has been noticed and I was going to be getting a letter from HR. I haven't received this letter yet but it's either gonna say that i'm fired anyways or give me a final warning.

Hearing this I thought to myself, why am I doing this to myself? The only reason i was ever on the internet was because I was researching ways to get outta there lol.

When I went to bed last night and when I woke up this morning I was so pumped, excited and confident that I was finally going to be doing this. And then as I got closer and closer to work the voices in my head started kicking in. "You're not ready bro, do you even know what you're gonna do? It's not that bad here..." I sat down at my desk, took a deep breath and then just thought to myself. FUCK IT - And started writing my resignation. Printed that fucker out, signed it, stuck it in an envelope and put it into my boss's in-tray. He wasn't there at the time. So I walked back to my desk and wrote an email telling him to read the letter I put in his in-tray. Before I hit send, I had this last minute resistance. FUCK, SHOULD I SEND IT? It's not too late, I can quickly go back and grab the letter. I took a deep breath and hit send. No going back now. And then I waited...

It was another 30 minutes until he returned to his desk. He then walked off again shortly after, had he read it? I walked past his desk to check if it was still there, and it WAS. Gah, so at that point I just forgot about it and got on with my work with this excited nervous feeling brewing in my stomach. AND THEN after an hour, he APPEARED. Standing in-front of my desk.

"Come with me".

Oh... Shit.

We went into a meeting room and then he told me he read my letter. He told me he wasn't sure what was going to happen because of my internet usage so that implies to me that I was on the brink of getting fired anyways... I told him about my dreams and ambitions and that i'd been working on a business on the side. I told him that I know i've been under-performing and that this felt like the right thing to do. I did say how I thought the company was great and all of the employees are awesome etc, which I was being genuine. It is a sick company to work for, it just does not align with how I want to live my life. He told me that people will be sad that i'm leaving. Which by the way is bullshit - No one gives a shit. Which is saddening but enlightening at the same time. Maybe for like 2 seconds they'll be sad that i'm going if that and then they'll continue with their lives. It was like that when I crashed my motorbike, "Oh no, you okay?... when can you come in?". Someone nearly died in a motorcycle crash commuting to work, he's still in hospital now 6 months later. People do go and see him to check how he's getting on. But guess what, he's been replaced. Forgotten pretty much, life goes on.

So anyways. I don't know when my last day is. He's going to speak to HR so I assume i'll find out next week at some point.

As for my future. There is nothing set in place, which probably made my decision to resign extremely stupid. But I do believe I'm going to work it out. There is always a way and I know i'm going to figure something out.

The current ideas/possibilites that i've got are:

1. Continue to look for writing work by emailing marketing agencies etc.

2. Build a sales funnel (taking part in a May 30 day challenge where the guy who taught me about shopify, facebook ads, google analytics etc is running through how to make sales with clickfunnels) I feel confident that if I follow through with his advice, which I trust deeply and with the knowledge I already have around facebook ads, dropshipping etc, I feel pretty confident I can make this work.

In addition to that i'm reading an amazing marketing book by Russel Branson (Founder of Clickfunnels) called DotCom Secrets. And holy shit this book is gold and i've not even got a quarter of the way through it yet. He has another one called Expert Secrets that I want to read after. I feel that the knowledge i'm going to gain from this book is going to help me really succeed with sales.

The week 2 content is being released on Monday which will be getting into the nitty gritty of how to do it all. So i'm super excited for that. Let's see what happens, it may be a complete bust or it may have some success. Time will only tell :)

3. Work for my Dad - Help him on-site and also with his website and facebook advertising. I would have to move to my Dad's though, which is 3 hours from my Mum.

This is one problem that I need to careful of. My Mum is really struggling with money and she does really need my board each month. So I don't know how this one plays out if I move to my Dad's... I really don't want to have to keep paying my Mum even though I don't live there :/

Ya unfortunately I don't have the privilege that many kids have where they can stay at home with mum and dad for free. Cause oh man, if that was the case I woulda left my work a year ago and got shit figured out aha.

4. Get a bar job or retail assistant.  - Part time work to pay my board whilst also allowing me to work on my social skills and meet new people.

5. FINALLY fix my motherfucking motorbike sell it and sell my gaming PC. It's actually pissing me off now how much i've been putting off fixing my motorbike. I keep saying i'm going to do it, but I never do. The money from that should keep me a float for at least a month or two.

6. Sell cryptocurrencies and live off of that money for a bit

So yeah, off the top of my head i've got a few options. I'd say i've probably got a month to try make money online before I really need to find a part-time job to be able to pay the bills.

What i'm thinking is best for me to do right now. Is to work for my Dad which will allow me to learn some woodwork skills which I'm kinda interested in. Whilst also learning how small businesses work on a greater level as i'll be helping him more closely with his website, social media and will be around him when he's talking to clients probably. And when i'm not working with my Dad, I can focus on my writing jobs and also see if I can get some sales through a sales funnel.

Ultimately, the goal right now before I can move to Bali is this. I want to be consistently earning $100 (£75) a day via online income. Apparently that should be enough to be able to survive and have a good living out there. I feel that, that is more than achievable.

SO... Have I just fucked up my life? Nah... I don't think so - My Mum thinks so. AHA. I haven't told my Dad yet.

I live in uncertain times, but i'm young. No matter what happens I will be able to bounce back. I'm not going to die, well I will actually and that's why I gotta live my life how I want to live it. I've got a great family so I would like to think they'll never let me starve or go homeless. I know there are millions of opportunities out there. I know that I don't have to settle for anything. I can keep trying, I can keep failing... But I know I will figure this shit out.

To my uncertain but exciting future!

- Brad

 

 

 
 
 
 
 

 

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You did the right thing for yourself.  :91_thumbsup:

Ironically, I was watching this video yesterday.  Same situation as yours, but from a minimalist perspective.  Still, it's the same issue; dissatisfaction in his career.  I hope it provides some encouragement for ya.

 

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You did what I heard someone refer to once as "throwing your hat over the fence". What it means is now that you've put yourself in this situation you will find a way to get over the fence and get your hat. You will make this work. 

I thought about resigning from my job I had with my former employer before I got fired. I was so defeated and depressed at the time and worried about money it seemed impossible. Looking back maybe I could have done okay. If I had found game quitters last Summer maybe I would have made the changes I needed to and done the same thing.

Bravo to you for taking the leap! In the end I think it will pay off for you.

 

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I'M FREE!

I was called into a meeting today. I was told I have been put on gardening leave. SOOO, I don't have to go into work for the next 4 weeks and i'm still getting paid!

Mayn, I was bailing outta work like

5af187ed1703f_divingouttaworklike.png.bb889c6c479bada7160ecf6f40112293.png

:4_joy::4_joy::4_joy: (me diving off a pier in Australia)

Holy shit i'm so excited!

A new chapter in my life begins!

-------------------------------------

Time to get serious.

Now that I have been put on leave. I have all of this time to really focus on getting myself sorted out.

First things first,

Scheduling my day is now UBER important.

I just need to figure out the best way to do this. I have got google calendars which I can use across all devices. I'd also like to have something physical that I can pin on my wall so that I can cross items off as I complete them. I also have got to study up on the best way to make to-do lists and becoming more productive.

Second.

It's time to really start looking for clients. Over the past 4 days i've been writing 3 emails a day. I waited until this morning to send them due to it being the weekend and then a bank holiday Monday. So this morning I sent 13 emails to different local SEO agencies.

I'm going to be signing up to a whole bunch of freelance websites too.

-------------------------------------

I'm really not worried. I feel like my mindset is in the right place. I know that I can make this work, and I know I will find a way.

As soon as I'm making enough of an income, i'm going to start looking to move out. Move country. What do I define as a enough? I'd say I want to be making £1000 a month. I need around £500 for basic living costs at the moment.

The number 1 priority however, is my Mum. I won't leave until I know she will be able to survive without me paying her each month. She depends on me paying my board money each month, which is only £225. Hopefully she'll be getting a new job soon, and then she may have to rent out my room. Sure it makes the situation for me more difficult, but fuck it - That's how it is and i've got to just figure out a way to deal with it.

I certainly feel like i'm ready to start living independently now. Or at least I want to start living independently. I don't want to depend on anyone anymore. Currently my Mum does the shopping, my Sister or Mum cooks the majority of my meals, my Mum does the washing and ironing meanwhile I do fuck all at the moment. Obviously it makes it easier for me to concentrate on the business side of things so i'm not complaining. But I realise I soon should start helping out and learning to do it all by myself. Else imma be fucked if I move country and try to live by myself aha.

--------------------------------------

So this is really happening. My dreams are getting closer and closer. I've made some HUGE changes in the past 8 months.

First deciding to quit video games, which just opened up all the doors - Some that you'd rather keep hidden.

Travelling to Australia for 1 month - Completely set my mind on making this happen.

Going on my first date, which went well - Which helps me feel confident that I can attract women.

Quitting my job - Well it's do or die baby.

Learning to fight - No motherfucker intimidates me now, I walk with confidence.

Surrounding myself online with like-minded people - Joining this forum, being part of facebook groups, having @Cam Adair as my mentor, joining a digital nomad community. ALL of this has helped me MASSIVELY in the sense of knowing that i'm not fucking crazy, and the lifestyle I want IS possible. It has helped me overcome all of the negative chatter telling me that I should stay safe, you've got a good job, that's only a dream - come back to reality.

--------------------------------------

So, I owe it to myself to stay accountable.

I never want to go back to working in an office EVER again. Fuck that.

It's only up to me to make sure this doesn't happen.  

I will always write in my journal with complete transparency. If ya'll reading my journal see that i'm slacking, pull me up on it. I welcome all criticism, in fact I WANT criticism.

I know i've still got alot bad habits that need ironing out. One huge one that needs to change is the fact that I talk too much about what i'm going to do rather than doing it.

I'm from now on only going to say shit, that I know I will do. Infact, I should already be doing it before I say anything.

----------------------------------------

Woooo - I really don't know what's waiting for me in the future, but that is what's so god damn exciting. I certainly cannot predict it, but I can steer it.

Gonna go eat, then i'm gonna go gym in the middle of the day. Because I can now. :)

- Brad

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Not posted in a while!

Will kick it off by saying,

I've bagged myself a movie date AT MY HOUSE with the girl i've been speaking to! She's coming round my house next weekend and we're gonna watch a film together!

And i'm kinda losing my shit a little, like holy shit... WHAT. I NEVER have people come and hang with me around my house, and now i've got a girl who's fucking interested in me coming to chill with me! Oh fuck :4_joy: I'm excited, i'm nervous and what the fuck... This is some next level shit for me maynn. I don't wanna think about no end goal, I just wanna enjoy the process. BUT MAN COULD BE GETTING SOME PUSSAAY :4_joy::4_joy:

Ahahaha

Gahhh, I don't wanna hype it up but it's a motherfucking possibility! That V card could be getting thrown outta the window. I'm pumped yo!

I'm actually in love with my journey right now. I'm going after my goals, i'm working towards them. Not settling for shiiiit.

Not having to go to work has been so beautiful for me. I've been able to recharge, catch up on lost sleep. Spend more time with my family.

I've been able to put more time into my projects, go do random shit in the middle of the day.

A big realisation for me, I am really unproductive at home. Like seriously unproductive. I've spent a few days working from a coffee shop and man I get so much more shit done! I do plan on reading a book on productivity, because I do think i'm still pretty awful at being productive.

Not having someone telling me what to do and having complete control over my time sure hits you hard, and i'll admit - I'm still getting used to it and have wasted alot of time. But gee, I love the freedom. I've been getting alot of "Do you even know what you're doing" talk from my family. And "Why the fuck did you do that". But fuck it I remain strong, I tell them my plan and my goals. And don't stand down.

Yesterday, my friend taught me to longboard. I picked it up super quick and I fucking loved it! The feeling of gliding down a hill feels so damn gooood, and just carving it up ahah. Literally it took me 5 minutes to get used to it and then I just gradually keep going higher and higher up the hill and onto steeper and steeper hills ahah. SooOooo good.

I've been focusing alot of my time setting up a sales funnel and I wanna try and do some more dropshipping. It's pretty much ready to go now. I'm gonna to be trying to sell custom jewelry. I've got some pretty big ideas for this store, check it out here: https://rowingnecklace.engravedme.com/gold-rowing-oars-necklace. It was created using clickfunnels and is linked to a shopify store. After the checkout pages comes a few upsells/downsells. I took inspiration for the rowing because my sister is a rower and said she loved the design. SO we'll see how I do.

HOWEVER, now that i've nearly got it set up. I do seriously need to start trying to find freelance work. Because at the end of the day, the whole E-Commerce stuff will take alot of time. Unless I get lucky, but I cannot bank on that. By tommorow I should have got it all ready to go, so then I will then start to focus my attention on trying to find some actual work. Because right now, i'm getting paid to stay at home - But come June 1st I won't be getting any income, so i've gotta make sure i've got something where I can make money. Else i'm gonna have to get a part-time job. Which I will try and do bartending if I have to.

Final thing - I went and had a coffee with the owner of my martial arts class last week. I'm going to be helping them out with their social media stuff. For now I won't be getting paid, but it'll be a good learning experience for sure. And if I do start getting results I could potentially turn them into a paying client. I did tell them that I want to make sure i've got my own shit sorted first before I can help them, they said no problem so we're all good.

But yeah - Despite what my family think, I feel like i've got things under control. I'm loving life right now, even though to most it's nothing special haha. I actually just love the process and the fact that I can do different things each day, wake up when I want, do what I want, be where I want.

OH - I read a fucking amazing book and it inspired the hell out of me. I read "How to travel the world on $10 a day". It's essentially a backpacking guide book. Oh man, this is what I really wanna do. This is why i'm doing all of this. He mentions in the book about digital nomads and how that is how you pro-long your travels. But fuck, he talks about his stories and all the crazy shit you can do whilst travelling. A huge thing that is really getting me stoked, is camping actually. Hiking in a random place and just setting up a tent and sleeping in the wild man. And meeting like-minded people on my travels. fauuuk - Literally reading that book has just took my inspiration to the next level, and I just have to make it happen. I have got to travel, I have got to go back-packing. And I will, I will make it happen. I ain't giving up ever, I ain't about backing down m8.

Off to go train, peace.

Brad

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I'm in such a weird space right now.

The only thing I could think to do is to hop onto the forums and just write.

I don't understand - One day I feel on top of the world and then a couple of days later i'm completely contemplating my life. Stuck, unable to take action.

All day i've been in a state of I can't be bothered to do anything. But I feel this constant pressure that I should be doing something. And I know what I should be doing. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

All I need to do is launch my first facebook ad for my necklace product.

I'm questioning myself. This whole business shit, do I really want it?

Everything is so fucking complicated, so hard. I feel like I just need someone to take me by the hand and show me the way. I know that's not going to happen though, and it's all up to me to make shit happen.

I do think I just need to comfort myself by having some sort of income coming in. Which I don't have right now, and I guess that uncertainty is starting to get to me. I say that I want to do writing, but I do really want to do that? I say I want to do web design, but do I really want to do that?

I was thinking earlier, I just want to be a scuba diving instructor or a ski instructor, or surf or skydiving instructor. Something exciting. I'm a laid back dude, I just want life to be easy. Yet I don't want to settle for some easy job and be a bum.

My mind is pretty fucked right now. I feel clueless as to what I want. I think oh it'll be cool to do that, but then I gotta do this, this spend years doing this before I can do that...

I wanna make money online, but I don't know how I want to go about it anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me... I'm overwhelmed as fuck. I'm getting this constant barrage of LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY I'M MAKING ONLINE through my emails, through Facebook, Instagram. I just want to be away from it all. Yet I kinda have to go on these platforms to do certain tasks for my business.

I really do just want escape - Go off into the wilderness and be away from it all, everything. Only issue - I don't have the money to buy the equipment right now :/

I just want someone by my side. I'm a lonely ass dying warrior right now.

I need someone to show me the way. Else I feel like i'm just going to stay stagnant, and become a worthless piece of shit. That's how I feel right now, a worthless piece of shit. A guy who talks about what he's going to do, but never fuck does it piece of shit.

I was very close to just loading up some video games earlier and playing a few games. I've got no escape. What can I do? I can read, but all my books are about business/life-style/self-help. I can go gym maybe, but I still think about shit when i'm at the gym. I've got no friend to just hang with to take my mind off of things.

Jesus, this is bad. I feel hopeless. I'm adopting the victim mindset right now and I just can't seem to help it.

I feel like I've really fucked my head up by reading all of this entrepreneur shit. I feel like nothing is ever good enough. I feel inferior to these entrepeneurs. Why can't I just do the work like these people can. It feels almost innate inside of me to be a lazy piece of shit, to let other people do the thinking for me, to do everything for me.

Did I adopt this laziness from playing video games so much? I don't fucking understand.

I'm not lazy when it comes to sports. I work hard then.

So the obvious answer to me is, become a professional sportsman or some shit - That would be perfect for me. But that shit don't happen overnight, plus it's alot harder to get started now that i'm 20 instead of 15/16. What sport? I don't fucking know.

Join the army. But I don't know if I let myself be bossed around constantly by the higher command. I want fucking freedom.

Urghh - What the fuck.

I'm gonna buy some acid and go on a psychedelic trip. See if that reveals some answers for me.

My mind is just a fog right now.

This is why I want to travel so badly, to explore and try new things, to meet new people and discover more about the world and at the same time discover more about myself.

I've legit just been living under a rock for the past 10 years. I know fuck all.

I feel like this is the only reason I want to have an online business. So I can travel. I think that's the only reason. The work doesn't excite me - It's just a means to an end.

Maybe that's why I have days where I struggle to take action, because if that end isn't in sight - I'm thinking what's the fucking point? I've had no successes for a long time and it certainly gets at you. You feel worthless, you doubt everything. That is exactly what I'm going through right now.

It's a deadly cycle though... You see no results, so you get demotivated, so you take less action, which means you see even less results and therefore get even more demotivated... And it just goes ON AND ON.

NO Results.

It's when I see results that I get excited and motivated. That's why I was so pumped the other day, because I bagged a movie date with the girl i've been speaking to. That is a result.

Business side of things. No Results. Zero. Nil, nadda. Fuck all.

So let's rearrange that cycle huh.

Take consistent ACTION despite what my fucking head is telling me. Eventually, I will start to get SMALL winsResults...

Stick at it you beautiful piece of shit. You know what you need to do.

Launch that ad. See the statistics, optimize. Hopefully get results.

Once launched, start actually looking for freelance work. Writing - Urghh I'm still a bit unsure of this and I think that's why i'm procrastinating... But apparently it's a good way to break into freelancing.

Run through the local business SEO course that I found and help my Dad get his business running better. He's pilling alot of pressure onto me to help him out. His business is failing and I feel I have this obligation to try and help him. If I do help him get some more work, I can go work with him for a bit. MAKE MONEY, BUY BACKPACKING SHIT AND FUCK OFF AROUND THE WORLD. BOOM BABY, Is that the key?

Once abroad. Learn to scuba-dive and get certified. Travel the world as a scuba dive instructor.   

I just need to make and save money right now. That is what I need to do. And that is why i'm feeling down, because I have no money coming in.

Get money, buy essential equipment to go travelling, go travel and fucking live life how it's suppose to be lived. 

And whilst I do that - Actually see what all this love and sex shit is about. Cause oh man, i'm clueless on that.

Some say money is the root of all evil. All I see is money being the gateway to the life I want. Now I just gotta make that $$$ baby.

AND THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THAT $$$ IS TO TAKE ACTION DESPITE YOUR PUNEY FEELINGS. FEELINGS AIN'T SHIT SON. BE PRO-ACTIVE, SET A SCHEDULE - THAT'S WHY YOU FEEL LOST. YOU DIDN'T ORGANISE YOUR DAY BITCH.

Suck my dick Brad - You went down that rabbit hole because you shoved your own head into it. Pull it out and take a shit in it.

Phew, I feel a little better now. Time to go do that ad.

 

 

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On ‎5‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 11:06 AM, Brad_Hurst said:

I really do just want escape - Go off into the wilderness and be away from it all, everything. Only issue - I don't have the money to buy the equipment right now :/

I need someone to show me the way. Else I feel like i'm just going to stay stagnant, and become a worthless piece of shit. That's how I feel right now, a worthless piece of shit. A guy who talks about what he's going to do, but never fuck does it piece of shit.

I was very close to just loading up some video games earlier and playing a few games. I've got no escape. What can I do?

Maybe that's why I have days where I struggle to take action, because if that end isn't in sight - I'm thinking what's the fucking point? I've had no successes for a long time and it certainly gets at you. You feel worthless, you doubt everything. That is exactly what I'm going through right now.

It's a deadly cycle though... You see no results, so you get demotivated, so you take less action, which means you see even less results and therefore get even more demotivated... And it just goes ON AND ON.

NO Results.

I appreciate what you wrote here, it's very honest.  I can relate to a lot of what you said.  Being without a job or income is a tough spot to be in, especially as a man.   I've been there too, it sucks.  Feeling pressure from your family doesn't seem to help much either.  I was living with my Mom, and she started being cold to me b/c I was unemployed, and it made me feel even more worthless.  I played a lot of games in that time b/c it was a great way for me to numb out.   They worked as a good temporary escape, but then when I stopped playing them, my mind would race about all my problems.

Anyways, my 2 cents would be just take it one step at a time.  I considered some days a "success" if I just put 1 application in.  It just takes 1 job for things to take a big turn for the positive for you.  And don't isolate.  Connect with your friends and family, be honest, like you just were.  Good luck brother

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