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Brad's Journal


Brad_Hurst
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@Shine Magical - Here is my store link :12_slight_smile: - http://camobody.com

Currently, i'm just selling compression leggings with camouflage patterns on. Had 4 sales so far! :)

I plan to add more products, just gaining an understanding of it all at the moment!

 

Update - Been a little inactive on my journal posts this week. To be quite honest, I've just been quite busy. Every spare second I get I'm usually working on my business or working out. I'm now at 4 sales on my store. Which yeah ain't much, but damn it's a start! I'm still learning loads and have so much more to work on. I'm not making any profit at the moment, but I really do not care. It's fun learning this stuff! I've been continuously testing my instagram ads and I have now found an ad set that seems to work quite well. So I am going to start scaling it and hopefully start to see some profits coming in! But again, i'm not worried about the money at the moment. I'm just trying to optimize and dive deep into the data I'm receiving on my google analytics. Things are definitely looking good for the future though.

What I do need to work on. Is being more organised on what I actually want to work on, on my business. There are many things I want to try, so I need to construct a plan and organise when I should do each thing. Currently, i'm kind of just free-balling it and going for whatever I feel like at that moment. I'm going to start writing a list of things to do and then get it into priority order. Apparently, this is what my sister does for her school work and she writes it down in a paper journal, so I am going to do the same. Organisation has always been a weak point of mine, I'm more of a wing it kinda guy. So it is up to me to learn to be more organised. Because I believe that is key in this line of work!

I did mention in my last post that I wanted to update my goals. I haven't gotten round to doing this yet, but I definitely do still want to do this.

So yeah, at the moment. My main focus is, continue to grow my Shopify store and working out. Obviously, I do want to improve my social situation too. But to be honest... Right now, i'm not that bothered by it. I'm working towards my ultimate goal of breaking free from the 9-5 and being able to work location independently. When I get to that stage, which I will! I will have alot more opportunities to be meeting new people and working more on my social life. When opportunities arise to socialise, I will act upon them. And I will hit the clubs this weekend. Getting girls right now is not a concern to me, i'd rather get my business booming! :) Obviously, i'm not denying the fact that I still want to experience relationships. But my current thought pattern is... Make the sacrifice now and get my financial/lifestyle situation sorted out first, and then pursue my social goals. I know right now, that if I did it the other way around it would be so much harder... As there would be this huge hole in my life that I am unhappy about, which has a massive effect on how I feel and therefore on how I socialise.

Working towards my goals is giving me huge confidence and purpose and I feel so much better for it!

I feel so driven right now too. I wake up at 5AM every morning to work on my business for 1 hour, 30 minutes before work. Whilst also meditating every morning and hopping in a cold shower. What i've actually been doing which has really helped me actually. Whenever I do feel negative feelings arise about my 'social life', I recognise it firstly. But then I transfer that negative energy into DRIVE. My dedication to making my online business a success rises, and I take action! No more excuses. I am now at a point where i'm doing all that it takes to improve my situation. Nothing is stopping me. My mind is bullet proof. No one can stop me.

Shit i need to adopt this same mentality to approaching women. And this is where I turn this thought into - Yes, I do need to approach more women. Right now, I don't have many opportunities to do that. Therefore, I am doing all that it takes to get my life situation sorted first. Which once sorted, WILL grant me more opportunities.

So yeah, right now there are two paths I can take. Life situation OR Girls. I am choosing life situation as this will have a knock-on effect for girls. :). I can cope a little while longer without girls. I mean i've spent the last 19 years and 11 months without a girl in my life. So a few more months whilst I sort my business out won't hurt me...

And who knows, my focus won't be on girls but they very well could still enter. Life can sometimes work like that, the moment you stop focusing on something is when it actually comes into your life. Don't get me wrong though, I am still going to go to clubs and stuff. I'm just not going to stress about having to go out and meet people. I will meet people when I meet people, i'm focusing on my own thing right now. Which will have a greater impact on my physical and mental health.

Ya I don't know. I just am not worrying about much right now. I know i'm on the right path now, i'm just enjoying the ride. Whatever happens, happens. I just keep taking consistence steps each day towards my goal and I know it will work out. I mean shit, i've only just launched my store, am still so new to marketing and have already gotten 4 sales! It feels great! :D

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Wow, I hit a real low today...

Huh, so where I thought my mind was indestructible now. It started to crumble a little today.

I think the main factor for feeling like shit today, is that I've been running on very little sleep. Wednesday night I got 5 hours sleep, I went bed late and still wanted to stick to my 5AM wake-up routine. And then last night I only got 6 hours sleep. Add in the fact that I've been working out every day. I definitely think it has taken a toll on my mental health. Another factor, although I don't see how it could have too much effect on today. I had a really shitty meal last night too, fish and chips from the chip shop. I only had it because my Mom brought it home and we had literally no food to cook at home lol. I really don't like the taste of junk food anymore, it sucks.

So yea, tiredness I think has been the main factor for my low today (I think). Gonna catch up on it tonight!

The start to my day went fine, I woke up at 5AM and jumped out of bed almost immediately. Showered, meditated and made a coffee. I wrote down two things I wanted to get done today. 1. Create email opt in pop up for my website, 2. Add 3 new products to my store. I decided in the morning to create my opt in form, and I did. Great. Item 1 done.

Arrived late to work by 10 minutes... (I may have lost track of time whilst creating my opt in form!). I wasn't very productive at work either. I actually spent quite a lot of time researching Yoga classes lol. I really wanted to find one to attend this weekend. First off I want to increase my flexibility, secondly I want to further enhance my mind management and thirdly, to socialise and meet like-minded people! And to be honest, I think the 3rd one is huge for me. I am really getting into the whole mindfulness, meditation, spiritual energies and all that. I think it's great! And I feel like Yoga is the kind of place where i'll meet people who are into that! I would like to read more books on the subject, just want to make sure I balance the time between that and working on my online business. And also figure out which books to read! :P

Anyways, I had a dentist checkup appointment. At least I thought I did! I did get my Mom to book it whilst I was at work a week or so ago because I was having bad jaw pain. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I damaged it when I took a swift left hook to the jaw during my boxing sparring or if it was my wisdom teeth causing the pain. This week I haven't really had the pain. Turns out the appointment was actually an emergency check-up, that I still had to pay £39 for! Guess how long it took them to check my tooth? 30 seconds if that... I mean they did do an X-Ray too, which again, took another 30 seconds. But shi' son. Oh and it turns out, my wisdom teeth are growing sideways. Like wtf? They are literally 90° to my other teeth. That's fucked. If I get pain again, apparently i'll have to go hospital to get them extracted. I booked myself in for a proper check up too, which is going cost me another £39... Fookin hell. But I mean teeth are for life, so I should probs make the investment lmao.

Right, back to why I hit a low today. God, i'm not feeling sad anymore, writing seems to cheer me up!

I did find a yoga class to attend. But due to the dentist appointment and poor planning afterwards, I had left very little time to get changed and commute there. I probably would have been late and had to have rushed. So I decided to not go last minute, that kinda bummed me out. I really wanted to go. I'm going to find a class to go to tomorrow or Sunday now instead.

So when I get home, this is where I felt myself returning to my old self a little. I couldn't get myself into the mood to work. I didn't feel the excitement or motivation. I decided to open up my laptop and try to work anyways. And this is where I realised what had gone wrong. I felt lost again, unsure of myself, unsure what action to take, what to actually do. I didn't have a real plan, I didn't really know what I actually wanted to do when I opened up my laptop. I wrote down earlier that I wanted to add 3 more products, I ignored that at first and thought about trying to improve my email service. I opened it up and my brain just did not want to operate. So I thought, I will leave this task until my head is clearer and sharper. I then went to look at adding some more products.

AND THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD MENTION - Last Sunday I decided to try NoFap again. And it went well all week. Today, i'll be honest - I felt sexually frustrated. I think it got triggered earlier on because I had a stroll down instagram when I recieved a notification from my instagram ads. When I scroll down my instragram feed, this is what I see. All of my old classmates from sixth form - At university, partying it up. Girls are in the pictures. I'm seeing girls uploading pictures just before they go on night outs. I'm seeing the digital nomads and entrepreneurs living the life I want so bad, but haven't gotten yet. I'm just seeing people 'enjoying' their life. One of my old best buddies is doing a ski season in France, and he's posting pictures of the mountains and the beautiful ski tracks and all the snow. FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD. I really want to do a ski season, I want to do a working holiday, maybe a summer camp. Something fucking adventurous. And this is why I want to become a digital nomad, because then I can make that into a more permanent lifestyle rather than a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity. ANYWAYS, I went off on a fucking tangent again! xD

I loaded up wish.com for some ideas for products, it's a chinese site and for some reason - they insist on constantly showing you sex toys, with blurred nippled naked women on the pictures. I could feel that horny type feeling arising as I strolled through the products, I kept resisting and resisting - I told myself NO. But then my willpower failed me and I gave in. And I blew ma damn load in seconds - Shit I hope that doesn't happen when I finally have sex with a girl. Most probably will - Gotta get there first...

I did calm down though and managed to find some product ideas. Found a shit ton to add to my site. For some reason I decided to do a google trends search on 'camouflage'. The results showed that it peaks every year in the winter and then dies down by a fair amount going into the summer. This kinda hit me and demotivated me quite a bit actually... Like shit, we're just exiting winter and going into summer, and my site is based on camouflage products. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I swear I searched and researched this shit before? After all, that was my main reason for taking so long to start - I was analysing fucking everything to the point it was stopping me from taking action.

I actually stopped searching for more products at this point. I felt angry. - I remembered I have a digital nomad book and started flicking through that for more ideas. WHY? It was almost like I just immediately gave up on it all. I shouldn't abandon this! I still have so much more to learn, i'm not going to give up on my store. I believe I just had a moment where I thought all bridges were falling and everything I worked on was for nothing.

Anyways yea, this anger persisted. I wanted to punch shit, I have nothing to punch. I punched my wall. Although not too hard because it's a thin wall and I didn't want to put my fist through it (I still had an element of control at least!). I punched the bathroom wall, that's a bit harder. I looked at a picture on the wall of me when I was younger, and I shouted at it "YOU FUCKED UP!". So much anger, I had to release it somehow. Punching the wall was not the solution, i'd fuck up my hand. I decided to try transfer this energy into lifting heavy ass weights at the gym. Got my gym clothes on, put some angry music on, and fucking sprinted as fast as I could to the gym. Stormed in that bitch, to the bench press rack. Racked up the weights and GAHHHHH. Tried benching 60kg 5x5. I managed 1x5 and then 4x4 failing on the 5th everytime. I always fail just before lock out, my triceps need work. They weak as fuck. My anger persisted for quite a while, it was only near the end of my workout that I started to calm down.

Got home and thought, hm yea this would be a perfect time to journal this shit. Clear it up, besides it's better to document and identify my weaknesses than just posting my successes. I feel alot more chill now, writing my journal definetely helps me. I can put things into more perspective. For example, I let my emotions rule me today. I could have decided to just observe it and let it pass. I could have just closed wish.com and not relapsed. I could have got more sleep. Planned better for my yoga class. Booked my dentist appointment myself to ensure that I was booking for the right thing. Anyways, no point dwelling - Learn and move on.

I will get some good rest, and attack my business again tommorow with a clear mind.

Oh yea, one final thing that just popped into my head. I think my best mate is really starting to move away from me now. I mean we barely hung out before anyways, infact we never did unless we were going town. But now he's barely replying to texts. I'll be honest, as much as it hurts to think it. He is probably bad for me. All he seems to do is smoke weed all day, works a dead end job and does nothing all day except visiting his girlfriend. Fuck that shit. This is probably why we're separating.

FUCK SAKE - I just wrote 1000 more words and it all got deleted. There was some real gold in there for me too! I tried to write it out again but had lost my state of flow. I did write it though. AND GUESS WHAT, IT GOT DELETED AGAIN. Fuck this, i'm ending the post now.

Key points from those 1000 extra words.

- I feel like my Mom is negatively influencing me

- I want to move out

- I feel like because I want success so bad i'm pushing those closest to me away.

- They say you are the result of the 5 closest people to you. I think I only have 4. Mum, Sister, Friend, Dad.

- I want to move out of the UK and start fresh. Bali i'm coming for you baby!

- Fresh start tommorow, not giving up on my goals

- Must plan out what i'm going to do, and be clear.

- When I don't have a plan, I feel lost and unmotivated.

- Deadlines are key for me. I work super hard when I am nearing deadlines at work. But I work slow if there are no deadlines.

- I lose my flow big time when I lose 1000 words. Holy shit lmao. Probably a blessing because I will just remove the bullshit from my writing and clear up my points in a easier to read manner. I just feel like i'm unable to express my reasoning behind my points to those reading. Like about my Mom negatively influencing me and stuff, I just really cannot be arsed to re-write that shit for the 3rd time... Sorry.

 

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Hit up the club and pick up a chick in those and you'll be the greatest man alive in my eyes hahahaha

 

PS the website is really good...just not sure about the product..

I invited all my fb friends to your fb site tho and gave it a rating, might bring in some traffic dunno

Edited by thehondasc00py
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2 hours ago, thehondasc00py said:

Hit up the club and pick up a chick in those and you'll be the greatest man alive in my eyes hahahaha

 

PS the website is really good...just not sure about the product..

I invited all my fb friends to your fb site tho and gave it a rating, might bring in some traffic dunno

Haha thanks man. Yeah still need to update my facebook page.

Also I picked those leggings because when I was doing my research they came up as a hot product. Got 5 sales so far with not the best advertising. So clearly some people like them! :p

And I might just do that y'know! xD

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Wow. This shit is tough.

Every day I am doubting myself, my online business. My future plans...

Can I really make this work?

I'm allowing failures to set me back and demotivate me. Every day that goes by without a sale, the less motivated I get.

But my goal to become a digital nomad is so strong. Giving up is not an option for me.

I have been thinking, should I just sell my current Shopify store? I'll probably make from £100-200. And then I can start again, with more knowledge. I will be able to attack it again with better research around the niche I choose. But uh man, I have made sales with my current store although I am at a loss at the moment... So is it really a business? No lol. But since I have already got a store up and running, and a product that does have some interest. My other thinking is, stick at this store for now and continue to try things out and figure it all out. I think this is what will be best for me right now. I've got data to play with...

I'm currently working my way through a Facebook ads course to gain a much deeper understanding of how it all works. I will then apply this to my advertising. Next I would like to learn about Google Adwords and SEO. I have been thinking at the same time, I do enjoy building up the website. So... Should I take a web development course??? Learn to become a web designer. Gah so many options, gotta focus on one thing at a time!

I wish I could just devote my whole day to learning and getting better at this stuff, but I have to go to work... Which I should mention, i've been really unproductive at work at the moment. I'm constantly thinking about my store or day-dreaming about travelling, skiing, scuba-diving or some shit... Or thinking about my awful social life - Which when I think deeply, is one of the main drivers for wanting to break free and travel. Escaping the miserable UK and meeting adventurous, like-minded people. 

I do seriously need to be writing lists and plans for myself. Without a plan, I feel lost. I don't get shit done. I need to focus on one thing at a time, I get distracted quite easily. I can be focusing on one thing and something will take my interest and i'll start looking at that instead. This is not a way to be productive! Also figuring out what I should be prioritising my time with. I often feel like I am doing things which might not be the most important/efficient thing to be doing at that moment in time.

I do feel extremely lonely at the moment. I feel very much alone on my journey. I'd love to have someone by my side striving for the same things. I often think, how awesome would it be to have a girlfriend who has the same kind of goals as me and we could help each other on our journeys. I'm in a dangerous position at the moment, because if I give up on my goals. I have NO ONE who will push me to keep going. It's all up to me, which is beautiful at the same time.

Ya, I just don't know how much longer I can cope with my long, working in an office days though. Why the hell did I chose to do an office job man... I said when I was a kid "I never want to work a desk job". Yet here I am bitches! I was looking at army jobs or joining the marines earlier lol. I do keep thinking, if my online venture doesn't work... The army would be a perfect place for me. It would be filled with adventure and new things to do each day, i'd get to travel and meet cool dude.

I was also thinking, damn i'd love to be a ski instructor or a scuba dive instructor or a skydive instructor. How fucking awesome would that be. I think that if I improve my communication skills, coaching could be something I very much enjoy. Especially if it's in an adventurous activity or sport. I've never even scuba dived or jumped out of a plane, but I just know that I will love it! Just like how i loved surfing and skiing and that bungee jump thing I did in Australia. I need more adrenaline pumping actions in my life. I'm a mother fuckin' junkee and I have no outlet at the moment. I think i've realised, although i've probably known this for a while... That I am most happiest when I am taking part in an adventurous activity. Something I can fully immerse myself in, be fully present in. Sitting in an office all day is just not me, no wonder I get so depressed about it.

Gah I bitch too much about my job, why do I not have the balls to just go do something different right now. Urgh, I have commitments to pay off bills/debts. Fuck this adult life shit mayn. Keep going Brad! Fucking hang in there, it's just like 4 months... 4 months, that's all. 4 months till what? Er, like I think i'll be more financially stable by then.

Infact lets set a motherfucking goal right now. Time to be S.M.A.R.T. Aim for the moon, if I miss I will at least land with the stars :)

I will earn £2000 from shopify dropshipping in 2 months time.

It's specific in that I want to earn £2000 from shopify.

Measurable - Well Shopify well let me know how much i've earnt.

Achieveable - Most definetely is possible, many people have done it before.

Relatable - Well, if i'm making £2000 online - That very much is a big step into becoming a digital nomad

Time - 2 months.

I've heard there is a book by Brian Tracy all about goals. Maybe I should get that. I also need to become more productive so should find some books on that.

Alright, I need to sleep now so I can wake up in the morning and keep hustling.

Also R.I.P. Steven Hawkin :(

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Skimming through your journals it looks like you're building an awesome life Brad. Pursuing a cool career, meditating, working out, and you have your own business.

As for social skills, turn being charismatic into a game: go into social situations pretending that you are already confident and smooth. For example, when I go to a store I make an effort to crack jokes with the employees, or ask ask questions about their job/day. I award bonus points if I add a hint of flirtiness with female employees. You end up leaving the store in a better mood and everyone there usually goes out of their way to treat you better. Same can be done for the yoga class you're planning on joining.

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@Pierce Hey dude, yeah I am trying to! Haha.

That's good advice, I do try to when I can. Sometimes I haven't got anything funny to say, but I should definitely put more effort into asking how their day is going etc.  I did actually attend a Yoga class last Sunday! Although it wasn't the kind of yoga I was expecting, was more meditative. Still cool regardless. 

Thanks for reading through my journal and providing some tips! :)

    

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5 hours ago, thehondasc00py said:

Replace all your "shoulds" and "need to"s  (you have a lot in your entries) with "want to". Lifehack.

 

Instead of want to, GET TO.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today is my birthday!

I haven't posted in quite a while... So lets update where I'm at.

I've arrived at a real cross-road right now. And I'm finding it difficult to make the right choice.

Basically, I'm losing confidence in my Shopify store. Well actually, I'm not... BUT, I'm realising that to really make it successful and start earning some cash that I can live off of, it's gonna take TIME and a lot of effort. WHICH, I'm certainly prepared to do, I'm not backing out. My issue is that I want to replace my day job income as quick as possible and give myself MORE CONTROL over my TIME. So basically what i'm getting to is, I feel like I should be trying to freelance first and then moving to passive income after.

And this is where I feel really STUPID... When @Cam Adair was coaching me, he TOLD ME this... And I didn't fucking listen did I. In fact, I feel like through-out a lot of his coaching he would tell me things, I would listen but then go and do what I was thinking anyways... And now that the coaching is finished, I'm realising what he was saying is exactly what I should have been doing. Now I'm attacking this alone without his guidance, which is probably gonna take longer than had I took action straight away... BUT, at least I've become aware of it.

I feel like that is what is so beautiful about coaches/mentors. They help bring awareness to things that you at that moment cannot see yourself. Like with some things you know the answer in the back of your mind, but you're too afraid to admit it to yourself. They help give a different perspective on YOUR life situation. So ya know, I think back and go... Hm did I waste my money? Because I didn't take the action I should have... I think no. Because it has brought real awareness to myself, which is KEY. Obviously, I could have got more out of it for my money, but that's a lesson learnt I suppose. I think the main thing I learnt from the coaching is just how many damn excuses I make for myself, and just how much I say things to make people feel sorry for me so that they agree and then I don't have to take action. Arghhh.

Anyways... So. I have multiple cross-roads actually. The first one is... Do I sell my store and focus on learning a skill for freelancing (More on that in a bit). Or do I continue with my store and try and learn as much from it as I can (In the forms of facebook advertisements, marketing, optimization, analytics, etc...). Here's the thing, i've already learnt quite a bit from simply doing the project. Ya, I'm at a loss but I don't really care that much. Obviously, it is a little frustrating, but fuck it. All successful people have a ton of failures behind them. So i'm like, do I continue to try and extract as much information from this... But in doing so, i'm pushing back how long it will take me to escape my 9-5 job. Which, is driving me insane. It's fucking bad for my health yo, mentally and physically.

Listening to what I really want in my head, it's telling me to sell the store and focus on learning a skill for freelancing and pursuing that. But then another part of my brain is telling me DON'T FUCKING GIVE UP DUDE. (From all the books and shit i've read, they always talk about staying committed and consistency). And I do believe, if I stick at my store and really commit myself to it, I can make it work. But I don't think my heart is in it right now, I don't think I truly believe in the products i'm trying to sell and the market i'm trying to sell to. What i'm thinking along the lines of is this. Sell the store, focus on freelancing and then I can create another store later on in a better niche for myself. But then another side of me doesn't want to lose all the efforts i've put into the store, and it feels like I could make it successful and make at least a bit of passive income from it since i've already done most of the hard work. I'm going to sit on it for a little while, but I don't want to sit on it too long because obviously there are monthly payments and shit that I have to make lol.

Right, so for freelancing... What will I do? Right now, the two main ideas I have is... Being a social media marketer or a web developer. The important thing is, both of these will enable me to be a digital nomad.

So why social media marketer?

Firstly, there is a HUGE demand for this. And I can really see it myself too. For example, my Dad has his own carpentry business but he is really struggling with the social media side of things. He's like nearly 50 now. He wants me to help him with it and has even told me, that this is something that ALOT of business owners like himself need. Social media is HUGE, it's pretty much essential for any business now. And I mean if you find the right clients, there is big bucks involved too. I'm making a massive generalization right now, but a large percentage of business owners are in their 50's and probably do not know too much about social media, nor can they be bothered to learn. So if they can pay someone to run it for them which in turn could potentially make THEM a shit ton more cash... Like they are gonna do it man.

My self-doubting beliefs on this however is firstly, I feel like i'm not very good at marketing and coming up with strategies. I'm not a very organised person, I don't post much to social media myself and don't have a massive presence. But here's the thing, I can LEARN marketing and I plan to take courses on it on UDemy.com. I do have a belief circulating my brain saying that i'm not naturally good at marketing. But I want to try and overcome it. I can learn this shit, become more confident about myself. I can learn and commit to being more organised. And i've just got to start posting more shit online.

I can really see the potential in this, and I feel like I should just learn to overcome my self-doubts.

For web developer, firstly I mean I am going to need to know how to market myself anyways to get clients. I think I do enjoy building websites and stuff, putting things together. Having something that is 'mine', 'my creation'. It may take significantly longer to learn this stuff, but again... There are some really good courses on Udemy.com where I can learn this stuff from scratch.

I don't have many negative believes about this one other than I feel like there is a fuck ton of competition and it's gonna take me a while to get up to speed. But I mean I already know bits and bobs about coding and I can put websites together. Also i'm a bit unsure on who I would target as my clients. Where as I have a decent idea for social media marketing, and I can practise with my Dad's business.

I think i'm gonna learn how to properly do social media marketing and help with my Dad's business. I'll see how that goes. If I really don't enjoy it, I will learn web development and even then I can still learn the marketing skills I have learnt already. I even think if the social media marketing stuff goes well, I wanna learn more about building websites anyways.

So yea, that's that. I've got a lot to fucking learn... But it's all available online. And the key thing is, get started motherfucker...

---

Some other things, I spent the majority of last weekend learning more about crypto currencies. I kept hearing how the market was super low and also that 2018 is gonna be BIG.  So fuck it, I learnt it... I'm broke right now so I had no money to invest. So I rang my Dad up, (whom right now is pretty broke himself) and stressed how much I wanted to get in the market right now and to my suprise he thought it was a good idea. I told him i'll pay him back in like 3-4 months. So I borrowed £500 and put it in. Aha, fuck this is risky but fuck it. Soon I will have paid off Cam and hopefully soon I will have sold my motorbike (ONCE I ORDER THE PARTS AND FIX IT). I'm prepared to take these risks, I don't wanna play life safe mayn. I already am up like £50 so not bad lmao. But i'm in this for the long term.

For me Bday, my Mum got me an amazon kindle paperwhite... Which is gonna be PERFECT for me, more KNOWLEDGE hehe. And to compliment that I told my family to get my amazon vouchers. So more books :).

Wow. My sister wrote such a beautiful message in her birthday card though. And when I read it - I actually started to cry.

It read: "I know i'm an absolute mardy cow but you're my best friend, I admire you for what you're doing and it'll be like losing my left arm when I'm at uni without you".

Fuck i'm starting to weep a little now. She is the closest thing to me, and i'm going to be losing her.

--

Okay there are more things I want to write, but my friend is arriving soon. We're heading town for my birthday. I'm probably gonna get smashed lmao, who knows... Hopefully I will remember and be able to tell the story. I believe it's now just me and him lol, everyone else has bailed on me. Woo... You can see why i'm going to be so sad when my sister leaves.

 

Right-O,

I shall continue my post another day.

Peace,

Brad.

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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Happy Birthdaaaayy!

Honestly social media marketing is where it's at. I don't know much about this area but people are creating new businesses all the time without the online know-how. My mum is starting a business and has asked me to help with the online aspect, and my workplace recently hired a social media expert. All jumping on the marketing train!

I also said, when I was younger, that 'I'll never work in an office' but HERE WE ARE. We just won't tell our past selves about this little blip. 

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Today I decided to start doing video blogs again!

Maynnn I love it! It's great fun, especially whilst driving. Gives me something extra to do other than audiobooks!

Check em out!

Yes I did 3, I got super excited after each one! Haha.

In the first video I show my shitty car and then the reason for starting my video blog again.

Back again with the video blogs!

Second video I explain a little about what's going on right now.

Where I'm at!

Third video I just get a bit hyped on my way to my boxing class.

I love this shit!

I plan to do more, aiming to improve my vocal tonality, story telling, facial expressions and just general word structure :)

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
Thought I could embed videos, r.i.p.
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I just had the craziest psychedelic trip of my life.

Last night I smoked the joint my friend got me for my birthday. I wanted to have a proper chill-out before the long weekend ahead of me where I will be studying and learning hard. I've been introspecting a lot lately and really trying to dive deep into my subconscious and see what's rooted in there. I've been having a lot of resistance and mind chatter whilst attempting to do so.

Being high as fuck forced me into the present. There was only now and I was one with everything. I began having very vivid images of my past. I could see everything as if I was there that day. Working through the years I dived deeper and deeper into my memory bank and was seeing snapshots of me when I was 4 years old. I had the innocent child's mild, not a care in the world. Living fully present and curious about the world around me. There was no worries when I was a child, no judging mind. I was simply present and embracing everything around me.

I wish I could fully describe what I was seeing but a simple picture can speak 1000 words. I started to see where I became the 'people pleaser'. The girl whom I had a crush on since 4+ all the way up to high school. It was only that girl, no other girl mattered. I would always find ways to sit closer to her, I just wanted to be near to her. I can remember the wishes I would make when a broke a chicken bone. Everytime "I wish Liberty would kiss me". Do you know what is really fucking crazy though... On my way home from work today, right near my home I got stuck in traffic. I randomly decided to look to my right at the person sitting in their car - I'd been looking forwards the whole time before that. And through the misty car window a girl smiled at me. IT WAS HER - Liberty, my childhood crush. I smiled back, and then hesitated a little not knowing what to do so I looked back straight ahead of me. Like what the fuck! She's changed alot now though and I don't find her that attractive no more haha. Infact, and this shit hurts mayn. The girls who I brushed off through-out school because my only focus was on this one girl. I look at them now and HOLY SHIT they are SO HOT.

I believe this must be where my wishing mindset started. I was always wishing things would happen but would never take the action. I preferred to sit in my dreams instead of working on making them a reality. That dream did come true, but not in a way I wanted. I went to a party MUCH later on in life, like when I was 12 or something. We played a game of spin the bottle. My dare was to kiss her, infact I think this was the first time I ever kissed a girl. And my only time until the age of 18. And even till this day, I don't think i've ever had a sober kiss.

Back to the visions though. I could see me playing on the playground, skidding on the hop-scotch painted flooring. Playing bulldog with my friends, lining up to take a basketball shot when we were playing 'hotseat'. Playing with my cars in the dirt at the back end of the school field, I had no interest in sitting and talking with girls. WHAT WHEN I'VE JUST GOT MY NEW HOTWHEELS CAR BRO? I can see the trees I climbed, the temporary football pitch we made from our  school jumpers.

It's crazy to think, what was going through my head at that time? What was I thinking? I wish I could dive into my thoughts at that time, but I can only see the pictures and sometimes the feelings I felt. I was never the most talkative kid, I enjoyed listening. Yet I was NEVER afraid to answer the teachers questions, and I loved standing up infront of the class. It didn't bother me. I can see that time in the year 5 show where I was the holiday rep and had like 10 seconds of fame, all by myself on stage. I still remember the very start to my line "WE GOT SPLISH SPLASH..." I can't remember what came after that haha. I remember in dance practice how I was paired up with this girl called Martha, and she was very pretty but I was right next to Liberty so it didn't matter to me. And Liberty kept exclaiming how she wanted to dance with ME. Man, she liked me and I liked her yet we never became that childhood "Boyfriend, girlfriend" because my ass was clueless. Oh, and that Martha girl I was dancing with - She's a professional dancer now and a model, she is SUPER HOT - Like 10/10 banging. I can see the time when I went swimming with the school, I was top of the class. The quickest one there, guess who my rival was. Liberty! She swam for a club at the time, I didn't but I was the quickest!

I can vividly remember the time I accidentally hurt her. We were tasked to swim to the bottom of the pool and pick up a ring, I did so and swam back up without looking what was above me. I head-butted her in the stomach. She started to cry and I felt so sorry, so bad...

It's so crazy looking back, like this was my life and yet it almost doesn't feel part of me anymore. I am not the innocent little kid I was back then, and so the thoughts and believes I had back then. Are not me anymore. I feel like i've relieved a load of tension, accepting who I am. It really is beautiful introspecting and seeing my past. And it's mad how those images are still stored in our brain. If the images are stored in our brain then the beliefs must be too.

I've been learning to improve my memory lately, going through a speed-reading course. And they say that by forming images you remember so much more, it creates alot more connections and makes remember things a lot better. I just honestly can't believe how I'm able to see my past right now, it's so clear.

There are many scenarios that are popping into my head even now, and i'm not even high anymore. It's almost like i've reactivated my past. Mayn I can even see how even when I was little, I was ALWAYS late to school. My friends would knock on my door, I would never be ready. I CAN SEE WHERE MY GAMING ADDICTION BEGAN. I can see where my social life started to degrade away. It all started around the age of 4, I had my gameboy advance. Playing my hercules game, sonic the hedgehog, the incredibles. The game would never save, I would simply go from the start again. Then I had the gameboy advance sp. I can't remember how much time I spent on these things, but I know I played them alot but I was always still very active and adventerous and would go around friends houses etc. I had my playstation 1 and this is where I started to sit in my room a little more, I would eventually get bored though and play with my scalletric or cars. I had a playstation 2 and gaming time started to ramp up even more, playing gran turismo and pro evo soccer/fifa 03, driv3r - Holy moly I used to play that game alot! OH AND GRAND THEFT AUTO SAN ANDREAS. The game that I revisited when I was 13/14 on PC and spent 2800+ hours plus on a roleplay server.

Things got more serious when I got a ps3. Call of Duty 4. All my friends had it. We would only talk about it in school, strategies what gun set ups you have. Who was the best at it. I was... Me and this guy called Calvin. We were the 'Godly' ones. After school we'd all get online and play for hours. I was so hooked. My playtime got worse when Mw2 came out, this is where we all went super sweaty. Spending all day playing it. I can remember playing gta 4 on the ps3 with all my friends. At this point, is where my social life really started to decline. If I got bored of a game, I wouldn't call on a friend or anything. I would simply sit in my chair looking at my pile of games, thinking... Which one should I play next? I didn't really have any games I wanted to play. But I forced myself to just pick one and play it. Gaming was my life, there was nothing else.

Damn how my life has changed.

I didn't even realise you could go on psychedelic trips with weed. There is so much inside of me that is reinforcing these negative beliefs about myself - Like "I'm always the quiet guy" blah blah. By revisiting these areas of my life I am aiming to simply accept it as it was and let the beliefs leave my body.

I 100% think that in the future they will invent a device that can create a storyboard of your life by connecting up to your brain and forming the images. Kinda like what you see on the movies lol.

Gah there is so much I can write about this trip, but I'm the only one who knows what i'm seeing. And I can see it and be unable to fully describe it.

You know, when I was high I had a thought along the lines of. - When Eckart Tolle wrote 'The Power of Now', was he high? Because I feel like I fully understood what he was pointing at. All there ever was, was right now. I felt like I reached this ultimate level of enlightenment lol. 

What an amazing experience. I wanna go on more trips! xD

- Brad

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Created my vision board today:

145cf4ad74d334785140666056ff2eea.png

To keep me inspired to keep taking action. Still got some other things that I want to add.

I'm thinking of putting a world map above my boards. And then pinning the places I want to go. Getting a picture of a rock solid body.

Going to now read a book on goal setting. It's called "The Most Powerful GOAL achievement system in the world" by Mike Pettigrew. I'm quite aware of my goals now, but I want to drill them in and supercharge them with super energy so that I am always on point. And able to pick myself up when I hit low points.

After a bit of reading, I will finish the facebook ads course I started. Once I have finished that course, i'm going to start going through the 20 hour course on digital marketing that I got on Udemy.com. My current plan is to do all of my testing with digital marketing on my dads business. He's at a point now which is basically like a new startup, except he has amazing skills in his job. He also said that if I get him some more clients then I can keep the £500 he lent me to invest in bitcoin. Bring it on!

I'd also like to get good at building websites with wordpress. I feel like I coud become very good at this, and is something I feel I would enjoy quite alot. RIght now I want to focus more on learning marketing more. 

I am going to set up a personal website too. I want one which is more personal and is documenting my journey. The other will be a professional site that has my portfolio of work on there. My Dad's business will be a great starting point for my portfolio. I'm thinking I can also ask a friend if he needs help with his DJ'ing business that he's trying to start up. My focus will be on providing excellence service and getting a great reputation.

I would like to purchase Seth Godin's course on freelancing. It's a tad more expensive than the other courses at £50. But that is nothing compared to the potential returns.

I'm looking forward to the next few days. I have Monday off of work due to the Easter holiday. Providing me with a lot of time to get things off the ground! :)

The main thing is FOCUS. I need to make sure I stay focused and make the most of these next few days.

LETS GOOO

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Nice

Btw I spoke to a guy who became independant with Shopify. He said it took him around 2 months and now he earns 2k/month. Don;t know if thats of any value to you but its possible I guess.

That sounds like an awesome opportunity there with your dad. I wouldnt have invested that money into btc tho. Go for smaller projects that have somehing unique and potentiality lifestyle/market-changing to offer.

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1 hour ago, thehondasc00py said:

 I wouldnt have invested that money into btc tho. Go for smaller projects that have somehing unique and potentiality lifestyle/market-changing to offer.

Ya. When I said bitcoin I meant crypto currencies. I've got a few alt coins and also some etherum. I'm in this for the longer haul though. The market is super low at the moment and I feel it will definetly pick up near the end of 2018 and into 2019-20

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2 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:

Ya. When I said bitcoin I meant crypto currencies. I've got a few alt coins and also some etherum. I'm in this for the longer haul though. The market is super low at the moment and I feel it will definetly pick up near the end of 2018 and into 2019-20

Oh ok nice. I'm keen to get back in later this year when I've made some money and (if) the market has gotten it's shit back together. But unfortunate circumstances these past weeks...have been harsh on my bank account..

Edited by thehondasc00py
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The troops are rallying!

Allowing myself to be vulnerable has seriously changed things in a massive way!

Some of the ways things have changed recently:

1. Being completely open and transparent to my family about my desires and my troubles has relieved a huge pressure. Although they have known what I've been desiring for quite a while, only recently have I really stressed how much this needs to happen. And it's through my actions that they have realised I'm fucking serious. I believe this is the key to getting my Mom on my side. After witnessing me waking up at 5AM everyday, studying all weekend, and finally seeing my goals and aspirations pinned on my wall in my room today, my Mom messaged me saying how proud she is that I'm chasing after my goals. And how she wished she did the same. It's frustrating and saddening for me to see my Mom with the victim mindset, and I'm determined to help her too. She is not in a great situation herself and is pretty much going through a mid-life crisis just like my Dad. I'm hoping to inspire my Mom to take action herself. Currently she doesn't have the self-belief she has the attitude to do it. But I am going to keep reminding and prompting her until something finally clicks within her.

Likewise with my Dad. However the light is starting to shine through for us both. My Dad has had a REALLY bad time with his business the past few years and also just his general life situation. Helping him with his social media and web presence has really brought us closer together. We've had longer chats over the phone, we talk about the books we've read and kind of have a mini-mastermind going on. It's great because we both inspire each other. He actually says to me over the phone how i'm inspiring him to take action.

My sister is the only one in our close family whom seems to have everything going amazing for her. She's smashing her A Levels, got an awesome group of friends and is on the Great Britain Start up Rowing team, and is in complete love with it. (She's training in Belgium right now!). I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of her situation at first. But the beautiful thing is, now that my path is becoming clearer and I can see where i'm heading, it allows me to simply just be happy for my sister. And to support her where I can. My feelings of jealously and envy are not really there anymore. Although I do wish I will find a sport that I truly fall in love with. And I will, it will just take a bit of time and patience. Like I mentioned on my birthday post, my sister has got my back too. Mentioned how proud she is of me on my journey.

So I am so eternally grateful that I now knowingly have the full support of my family. And all it took was to open myself up and show that i'm being serious.


2. Becoming vulnerable to my self-beliefs. Not resisting them. I've really dived a lot deeper lately into what my true beliefs about myself are. And what is holding me back. I had to break through a lot of resistance, and I feel there is still a lot more down there to be dug up. But by digging to the root cause of my insecurities and negative beliefs and fully embracing them... has released a lot of pressure. It wasn't easy to do, and it wasn't very pleasant either. But oh man I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I think smoking the weed my friend got me for my birthday just enabled a whole new layer of introspection too. Some crazy shit, I feel like I wanna take some other psychedelic drug now lol.

Even though I'm not where I want to be. I am generally going through life with a very happy attitude. It's only when I'm sitting at my desk at work that I feel supressed, unable to express my true self. But even still, I just start daydreaming and thinking about things that make me laugh.

I feel like the energy of every around me at work brings me down too. No one is vibrant and seems very happy at all, they all look bloody miserable. And I can feel that negative energy. Even so, I carry myself with very positive energy and I'd like to think that it radiates with those around me. I usually always manage to crack a smile from anyone I walk past at work.

I've taken quite a bit of interest into the energy of life. And I really believe in it. The book i'm reading at the moment "The Most Powerful GOAL achievement system in the world" talks about it. I've now supercharged my goals with energy and I feel so powerful now that i'm going to achieve them.

Gamequitter people. I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU READ THIS BOOK

The book is just starting to talk about programming the sub-conscious mind and revealing different techniques you can use. One that stood out to me was self-hypnosis and brainwave technology. It's scientifically proven that you can alter the brainwaves in your brain to achieve different frequency levels via binaural beats. When you are at Beta frequency levels (Around 12-30hz), this is when your brain is engaged, problem solving mode. At alpha (8-12hz) you are in a more meditative, present state. Focused on the world around you. The next stage is where it gets more interesting though, you can go lower to Theta frequency levels (3-8hz) which is where you no longer sense the outside world. Long-time meditators are able to reach this state through much practise. This is also the level you are at when having lucid dreams (which are epic by the way!). Apparently if you can reach this level you can learn so much about yourself. MAN I WANNA TRY THIS SHIT, I feel like I must have gotten pretty close when I smoked that weed xD.

I've taken interest in spiritual healing too. There is a practise called Reiki that I will learn about once I have freed myself from my day job and got more time on my hands.

Spirituality quite excites me man, I really wanna learn more about it. Now is not the right time though, I need to prioritise on sorting out my work situation first.

So yeah anyways, I just wanted to post because I feel like my mind is becoming more free. Things are clicking together for me. I've got a huge journey ahead of me and i'm excited for what is to come! :D

 

- Brad

 

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Really inspiring that you kept up with journal for so long brad, it was awesome to read your first post watch you transition into a business owner, with a load of other accomplishments along the way! keep it up! 

-S

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@AssellusPrimus Thanks for reading man! I really enjoy journaling because it allows me to process thoughts better. And of course it's awesome to see where you have come from! I personally don't even think I've scratched the surfaces of the achievements I want to accomplish ;).

I sure will keep up with the journaling, 2018 is gonna be HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

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My emotions have been all over the place today.

And not in a good way...

I seriously cannot cope with working in an office anymore. I'm legit submitting my leave notice at the end of this month.

I'm suffering really bad from FOMO. Like hugely. I want out and to start having these awesome adventures now, I seriously cannot wait any longer... I'm going insane! I'm doubting myself constantly, can I really do this? Am I just dreaming too much... I'm thinking about the awesome places I will visit, the crazy things I will experience, the mad parties, the girls.

One of the main issues for me right now is... Actually... Social media. Go on instagram and you see everyone who is already "there". Past schoolmates who seem to be off on awesome adventures. Having fun with their friends etc... It's really fucking hard for me man. I'm trying my hardest to keep my head down, keep doing my thing. But I will get distracted from time to time. Especially with my phone constantly pinging me and prompting me to go on Instagram or Facebook. I've started trying to leave my phone away from me whilst I study up. And sure it works for a while until I decide to take a break and end up picking up my phone and being blasted by more shit that just throws me off.

I'm not actively trying to improve my social life at the moment, as I just seriously need to sort out my work life first. However, loneliness does hit me. Usually, I just laugh it off by talking crazy shit to myself that doesn't make sense - That usually gets me in a better mood. But there are instances when I will just stop and think... I cannot get it out of my head about all of the experiences I've missed out on as a teenager. The girls, the parties, hanging out with friends etc... I hardly experienced any of that from the ages of 14-19. I've just turned 20. As bad as it is, and as much as I keep trying to change the belief - I always seem to have in the back of my head. "I'm always quiet and unable to come with topics to talk about".

(I just got off the phone with my Dad and had more time to think)

You know what though - The reason I am struggling at the moment with always having things to talk about is that. A. - I am surrounded by people who I do not relate to. I couldn't give a fuck about the latest cars, phones, news, any latest material items, etc... I don't like to moan about things either (That is a HUGE English thing by the way. The English like to moan about everything). I don't see the point in complaining about things. The only time I complain is in this journal :) - And that's cause I'm tryna figure shit out! B.- Because I don't keep up with the latest trends etc... I ain't got an opinion or shit to say about it. C. I'm still figuring myself out - I don't even know what my favourite music is, my favourite tv shows, even what my hobbies are (Sure I LOVE skiing and surfing - But till I become a digital nomad, I ain't actively doing that shit). D. My storytelling sucks DICK, I can be talking about my epic adventures in Australia yet people still get bored.

Ah ya know what - Why am I even writing about me talking to people... It got triggered today when I was at the gym. Was doing my thing, push ups and all that... Two girls set up RIGHT infront of me. Start doing squats. Man look, I don't wanna seem like a womanizer or some shit - But you can't help but look at their ass when they right infront of you. AND DAYUM. But then I get stuck in my head again saying shit like, "Dude you never gonna get ass like that if you struggle to have fun conversations with people, to even simply hangout." And I think this is my main issue - Through-out my whole teen years, I never "hungout" with friends. I just sat on my computer the WHOLE damn time. And when I think about the possibility of hanging out with a girl or with some new friends. I'm telling myself "They are gonna get bored of me so quickly". It's horrible because I know I shouldn't be having these thoughts and they are holding me back.

Okay - So that WAS MY STORY. I'm telling myself, once I break the chains of the 9-5. I'm going all out on socialising man, I don't care what it's gonna take. I really wanna try RSD Max's Fearless program. And just DO IT - No matter how uncomfortable I feel.

I gotta commit to my word more as well. I've realised I make false claims about what I'm gonna do sometimes. Well actually, I ALWAYS did this until recently. I am being more careful about the goals I set, because I don't want to keep proving to myself that I don't achieve the goals that I set out. Because that really hurts your beliefs about yourself - I remember back on my calls with Cam, he would tell me to do certain things - I'd say yup i'll do it, knowing full well in the back of my head that I wasn't going to do it.

But I am now at a point, where I realise - If I don't do the things I set out to do... I'm not reaching my goals, Period. I feel so EMOTIONALLY DEEP into this. You don't understand - Nothing is stopping me now. That butterfly feeling you get - Yup I feel that everytime I think about my goals. Because I KNOW I will get there. I just gotta stay motherfucking patient. AH FUCK, I WANT IT SO BAD - The travelling, the experiences, the girls. TO EXPERIENCE LOVE? TO EXPERIENCE SEX? LMAO Fucking hell, so much I wanna experience. So much I'm going to experience, and this shit is happening this year. Hehe, i'm getting giggily because I know fully, and trust in myself that I will NEVER quit until I have achieved my goals. I have never been a quitter, and I never will be. I can even use examples from League of Legends (Oh man how much time I spent playing that game). The whole team have given up except one person. ME. I NEVER backed down. I would never stop motivating my team, I would keep fighting, I would keep carrying. And even when they thought it was impossible to win, sometimes... We won! And this was because I never stopped believing baby.

Wow like I just used my gaming days to confirm my beliefs in myself haha. But fuck it, I will because I can. Look dude - I was a super competitive gamer. They were the only games I played. LoL, CSGO, Racing on GTASA, Racing on GTAV, Overwatch, Rocket League, PUGB. And the things I achieved because I was so confident in my ability. And I practised, I watched tutorials, I learnt the skills most people couldn't be bothered to learn or practise - And I dominated. I can apply this shit to my real life, and I am. I'm taking the time to build my foundation, to learn from the experts.

I know I can be a leader - I used to run a faction on GTASA with over 100 people. I was the mother fucking leader, and I was respected by everybody. I was that motherfucker calling the shots on League, the CORRECT SHOTS - Because my ass watched how the pros played. Man, I scale up quick - I went from Bronze 3 to Plat 2 in one season. Fucking hell, i'm pumping my EGO big time right now xD

Yolo, I can speak about my past. Just had a crazy thought - Next time I go out - I'm totally just ranting about how good I used to be on league of legends to some chick I decide to talk to.

Wow writing pumps me up man. I started this post because I was deflated as fuck - Now i'm fucking inspired! I inspire myself... What a beautiful thing. Shame it's 11PM and I wanna go sleep. Genuinely feel like I can conquer the world right now.

- Brad.

 

 

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