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9 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

You want to make money online and travel the world and you're wasting time playing video games? ?

Obviously there's no excuse but it was literally just 30 minutes because I just needed to distress and I couldn't think of anything else to do at that time.

I do need to find something fun where I can just chill out and relax for a bit.

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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If you want to be successful online your level of focus has to skyrocket. You have a job at the bar that takes up a lot of your time, and then you hang out with your girl a lot. I'm not saying any of these are bad - they are great and huge progress has been made for you. What I am saying, is amongst all of that, you will never get to the point you want to be if you're then not investing the time you do have very wisely. 

*Currently writing this from an airport lobby. ?


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@Cam Adair - Yeah I know it does and I really appreciate you staying on my back.

Honestly at the moment I'm confused and it's really stopping me in my tracks. I'm confused because I feel like writing probably isn't right for me and I'm only doing it to try and get some money online NOW.

I'm finding it difficult to find the work. Once I get work I'm pretty damn productive, it's the finding it that I really struggle with lol. I feel like all of the jobs I come across I won't be able to do or are extremely low pay and not worth my time. It's bloody frustrating and driving me insane! I just can't seem to find anything suitable.

All of this is leading to some serious doubts in my mind about whether I should pursue writing as my means to make money.

After building that guys website the other day, I realised that I do kinda enjoy that stuff... And I currently feel like I should just focus on learning web development.

Yea I'm just a bit confused and frustrated. Everything I seem to find on these freelancer sites is just real shitty work that doesn't seem worth my time. If I could find more clients like the one I have at the moment, then that'd be great! Only problem is, I don't really know where to find them! I found her off of the location rebel forum, but that was a lucky find...

If i'm honest with myself, I just don't want to make my living from writing - The idea of it really bores me lol and I've only been going after it because it's supposedly one of the best ways to start making money online straight away.

But it's strange because I really like writing when it's about something I care about.

Jesus I need to make a decision. I keep saying I'm going to stick with writing but I keep resenting the decision and in the back of my mind I just need to learn web development and go that route. It will take a while to learn but I just don't believe I'm going to get much success with writing especially with the mindset I have on it lol.

The issue is, I need money. My bar work doesn't really make enough to cover my expenses. So I kinda need something to start making money now.


I don't know what the wise decision is at this point, i'm wasting too much time procrastinating about my writing. It just doesn't feel right.


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The difference is you want the perfect solution right now and you’re not willing to actually hustle and work to make this shit happen. How much work have you put into finding better clients for web stuff that are similar to your current client? How many companies have you emailed? How many have you called? I bet that number is incredibly low, yet you “want” to make money online. You don’t want to “make”’ money online, you want money to magically appear in your bank account. No hustle, no consistency, barely any action. Your results reflect your action. When I started I had 6 hours of coffee meetings EVERY DAY for 3 months. 6 fucking hours. I slept on the damn floor of my friend’s basement while I was doing it. I heard no every time the first two months when I met for someone for coffee and then after implementing the feedback I was learning from these meetings I started to hear yes. 9 years later I’m still working my ass off EVERY DAY. Second flight about to take off and I’m here replying to comments. And then I’ll buy WiFi on the flight for $10 so I can bust out 3 hours of work while I’m in the air, while almost everyone else on the flight will sleep or watch a movie. There isn’t a big secret bro, WORK. Make this shit happen. Stop daydreaming. 

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@Cam Adair - You're right bro. I have been a lazy piece of shit.

I woke up this morning and realised the one thing I need to be doing is emailing Digital Marketing agencies to get writing work similar to what I have already.

I'm going to commit to writing 20 emails a day.

I still need to figure out exactly what i'm doing with the web stuff so for now I'm going to focus on get writing clients via email. The kind of work I'm looking to do is SEO article writing, blog posts and GEO pages.

The plan of action shall be, wake up, shower, brush teeth, meditate, have breakfast and a cup of tea, sit down and crank out 20 emails. I'm going to document it in a spreadsheet to help me keep track of who i've already sent emails to. I may even try send more out, but the MINIMUM is 20.

After, I'll have a scan through sites like PeoplePerHour or if I can get approved Upwork, and apply to any jobs that seem suitableI'm not so confident in these sites so I won't set myself a minimum send out. But I should at least send out 1 proposal a day.

Finally, I will spend the rest of my day learning web development. Learning to code and build websites. The goal is to get to a standard where I can apply for web developer roles at a company where I can work remotely.

Thank you Cam for the wake up call.

I promise to myself that I'm going to do this. I've gotta start hustling else nothing is going to happen.

This is the set plan now, no motherfucking deviating from it. -.-

- Brad

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He who has a why to live can bear almost any how - Frederich Nietzsche

Sit down and write what you want to be doing in 10 and 5 years time. When you look through the long term perspective you can learn to love the process as it is all geared towards your long term purpose.

In saying that, it doesn't fix your financial issue of covering your expenses. Simple, reduce your expenses - you don't grow in life in comfort.

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Boy... This has got to be the most boring thing in the world! ?

Yesterday I compiled a list of 100 companies to email. This morning I woke up and emailed all 100.

So the email 20 people per day, I didn't actually get that done. A few factors really. I wasn't ready to send out emails, I needed to create some more sample pieces and also craft the email template. Even so, that should have been half a days work... So the main reason is I always seem to get side-tracked by something, which means I end up procrastinating on the task that actually needs doing.

I have a special ability to be able to sit at my laptop all day, seemingly 'busy' but without accomplishing much. It's bloody frustrating... Especially when you reach the end of the day and realise you haven't really achieved that much.

I'm trying to change that. So today and yesterday I thought i'd catch up with my inability.

It's weird, even though i've crafted the email template and it looks good. I get this nervous feeling with every single email I send. I know that the feeling is mainly because I'm fearing the response I may get like "Stop fucking emailing us" ?. Oh well... I guess I just gotta push through it.

Since leaving my full-time job, my morning routine seemed to have disappeared. So I'm beginning to implement it again. Setting my alarm for 7AM, wake up on the alarm, 20 push-ups, cold shower, meditate 15 minutes, breakfast with a tea whilst reading something. Then straight into work.

I've got to start smashing my lazy tendencies that i've developed over the years. I pondered if it was depression, but I think that's just me trying to make an excuse for my own laziness.

I know creating a schedule for myself is probably the best thing to do, I just gotta fackin make one and stick to it and update it.


My Dad called me up yesterday and told me something that sparked some real interest with me. He said to me, "You should take up Triathlon's Brad, sport is the thing missing in your life, it'll give you something to work towards away from all your business stuff"

I've knew this for a while. I'm a sporty guy, yet I don't play any sports... Yes I train martial arts, but it's not competitive really. And I've been looking at my sister with her rowing, thinking I really wish I had something like that for myself...

And so Triathlons. I think this would be the perfect sport for me! Growing up I've always been a very strong swimmer, a good runner and i'm pretty good on a bike too. I've got long powerful legs and i'm tall.

My sister got the roadbike from the cellar the other day and it's been sitting in the garden, and i'm looking at from the window like damn... That bike looks so sexy, I just wanna ride it. Unfortunately the tires need pumping up and we've not got the correct attachment for the pump. So I gotta go get one.

I do think Triathlons will be a great thing to get into, especially if I can join a club or something. I'll meet like-minded people, i'll meet girls, i'll get super bloody fit.

And this is where I just don't understand myself. As much as I know this is what I should pursue and do and would enjoy. I have this feeling inside of me that I can't be bothered to get it sorted out, I have a feeling of not wanting to go and ride the bike, to enjoy the sunshine. Like what the fuck? I should be looking forward to this stuff? Not resenting towards it...

I just seem unable to sort things out for myself, even if doing so will bring joy to my life.

I guess I should just stop listening to the feeling I get inside that can't be bothered to do anything, and just do shit. Stop letting the feeling inside of me control me and stop me from doing things that will bring me joy.

I truly am my own worst enemy lol.

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I've actually started putting in the real work, and I'm already beginning to net some results!

Yesterday I emailed 100 companies and only got 1 response.

Today I woke up at 7AM, did my morning routine and then got started with the emailing again - And I've only just finished for the day, 7 hours later.

I further compiled a list of 100 companies to email, but this time I did things slightly different and oh boy is it paying off! ?

So, before I was collecting the generic email addresses on websites, for example; support@company.com, info@company.com, hello@company.com... I did this simply by going on their website and trying to find it, it's usually at the bottom or on the contact page, if it wasn't i'd go to their facebook page.

I thought to myself, there must be a better way of doing this. And oh boy there is! I found a couple of apps where you put the companies domain name in, and then it finds all of the emails related to it. It even tells you the roles of the people at the company. CHA CHING.

So today my list consisted of managers and directors email addresses instead of support email addresses that are probably answered by customer support.

Shit son, as soon as I started emailing I got a few pretty much immediate responses!

I think I've only sent 70 today. I did plan to go all the way to 100, but I got overwhelmed by the responses and trying to reply to everyone.

I think I got about 4 replies today, compared to yesterday where I only got 1 response from 100 emails. So email to response ratio has increased a shit ton by simply emailing the directors and managers ?

The only issue is, the apps give you like 100 searches for free until you have to start paying. So either imma have to look at what the costs are, find another app or simply find a way to keep getting the free 100 searches ?

Mann, I feel burnt out now though. Gotta take a break - But oh boiiii the ball has started rolling - I can feel the momentum kicking in, I don't wanna stop now that I see it's netting results lol.

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Woooo, never thought the day would come! But I just made over £100 in a single day, working from ma laptop! ?

Best thing is, only took me 6.5 hours!

I'm proving to myself that this shit is possible!

I've had 8 clients email me back so far with the majority interested in my services.

Getting a £100 day from my laptop has been my goal for a long time. Now I just gotta make it consistent!

I banged out 12, 300-word articles for a single client today. I've only just sent them to him, hopefully he likes em! Else I haven't made £100 in a single day! ???

To be precise it's actually £108 I made today. I gave him a 10% discount on his order since he ordered over 10 articles (at 16). 

Mayn it's so nice to not have to commute aha. Like I'm finished at 3:30pm, I've made more money in a day than I did at my day job. And I'm already at home, instead of getting back at 6pm.

This is low paid work too! It's only gonna rise as I get better ?


In other news, on Sunday I went and played Badminton with Millie and her parents. Is shit getting too serious already? xD Nahhh, it was good fun. They beat us though! RIP, totally Millie's fault...

She stayed round mine after, she doesn't wanna have full-blown sex till she's on the pill. Which is fair enough... We've been fooling around alot, pretty much have done everything else. I've literally just been trying so much shit, like ay let's try this and that. So that's been fun and exciting. I don't wanna describe too much, but the tip has entered paradise ? I know she want's it badly, but is scared because of not being on the pill. And I mean, I'm not gonna lie... I don't want any kids till I'm well over 30, so I mean she has a point. Condom ain't always gonna save ya.

We went shopping yesterday. I hate shopping. But you know what it was alright, I just made it fun for myself by fooling around and picking out ridiculous outfits. Plus it's obviously nice to spend time with your girlfriend.

I didn't buy anything, other than a cheap world map for the wall in my bedroom and a plastic basketball hoop that i've hung on the door in my bedroom lol. Oh and of course some food. But yeah I'm trying to save my dollahh.

All in all, was just a nice couple of days. Met with a nice grind of a day today. Progress made.

- Brad.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Time for an update!

Jeez I've not posted in a little while haha.

Things are going really well at the moment, I'm in a good place.

I've been doing quite a bit of writing work recently pretty much all from the people I emailed previously. One of the clients already came back and gave me more work which I just finished off last night so I'm hoping he'll be a reoccurring client for a while, and my longer lasting client has just handed me more work too.

The one worry is, I did a 1000-word article for a new client for only £60 and I sent it off to him and he hasn't replied to me yet (In like a whole week).... I'm hoping he does because I want my money biatch!


So where is my head at, at the moment?

Well... Because I've been making money online recently, my confidence has grown massively and my belief that all of this can work has increased. I feel like I'm not so scared anymore to do things that will get me ahead, like cold-pitching etc... However, I've got a few problems - Kind of good problems? But still I've got some harder decisions ahead of me.

Right so first problem. I don't really like this writing work. I don't see myself doing this into the future, it's just making me money at the moment, giving me some location independence (As I still have my job at the bar). I've realised that I really want to give the whole web design thing a try, and when I start travelling, I want that to be the thing making me money.

So what my plan is with this first problem. I'm going to continue doing my writing work, I will continue to send pitches out looking for some more work. But I will focus the rest of my time on developing my web design skills. I've been following this guy on youtube called Rob O'Rourke and it's essentially all about building sales skills and building a business with web design. I find it really interesting and I really want to give it all a go.

Second dilemma - I'm not in such a big rush to go travelling at the moment... I think what I'm realising is that all along my ambition wasn't to go off travelling, it was to get independence for myself, more control over my schedule. Don't get me wrong I still want to go travelling, but when I go I want to ensure that I'm established with my web design stuff and I'm doing work that I find interesting.

A factor that is playing into this, you might guess if you've been reading my posts... Is my girlfriend. At the moment I'm quite happy, I'm building my business and I get to spend time with my girlfriend. She supports my vision and understands why I'm doing it. Our relationship is so transparent, and we're always honest with each other - Which I really value. So since I'm enjoying my time with her, I don't feel in a rush to go off travelling. I was super lonely before, and I thought my only way of making friends was to meet like-minded people in digital nomad hubs. Which... YES I still want to go because I think it'll be epic!

Basically, I'm in no rush. I want to build a web design business to a level where I'm making decent money. To start off with the goal is to make £1000 in a month with it - But I know there is massive potential to make alot more than this. I want to continue seeing how our relationship grows and then at some point in the future I may potentially have to make a difficult decision.

Because I know that once I'm happy with the level my business gets to. I do want to go off travelling. If our relationship doesn't work out in the next couple of months, then great - I'm off without hesitation. However if it flourishes, it's going to be very, very difficult.

I'm starting to develop feelings, I've been fighting it and trying to not make myself too attached but I can't help it. I think i'm scared of developing the feelings because I don't want a relationship to come between my dreams of travelling, because I haven't experienced any other girls, so is she even right for me? I know at the start I was like, oh I'm just going to continue seeing this girl for the experience, but as time goes on you begin to really like a person. And... yeah I think I just need to let go of fighting my feelings and just let things happen.

Is this what they call your first love? Probably...

I know that once I have built my business to a good point, I will want to go off travelling. And it actually makes me really sad when I think that I may have to break up with her to go off and do it. You could say, why don't you just stay in the relationship and go off travelling? Mhm I could do that, but I wanna go off with no attachments. To just be free to do whatever the hell I want - And if that means hooking up with chicks whilst travelling, I want to be able to do that. I don't want to be shackled down by a relationship lol.

I will cross that bridge when it comes to it. No point stressing over it. Things may not work out between us, after all she's going off to uni next month and that could change things between us. I know that her parents have a massive influence over her, and maybe once she's free from her parents something may unleash within her. I have got some insecurities, and it fucking sucks.

ANYWAYS, I'm getting sad just thinking about what MAY happen. So I'm just going to enjoy what's going on right now and be grateful for where I'm at.

Only 3 months ago I had no girlfriend, was working in a job that I hated and was sapping up all of my time, I was totally broke paying off a bunch of bills, living paycheck to paycheck  (Which is the worst feeling in the world for me). And now I have so much more free time, i'm building my business and my vision, I'm getting clearer on what I want out of life, I've got a beautiful girlfriend and my confidence that my location independence dream can happen is at an all time high.

So ya - I'm having the day off today. I deserve it.

I'm going to clean myself up, clean my room and then I'm meeting up with Millie later. We're just gonna go get some food at Nandos, we was going to go cinema but her schedule changed so we won't have time for that. After she's staying round mine ?


Ooh some other things. I've caught myself watching alot of downhill mountain biking recently. There was a race called Megavalanche, where they start ontop of a snowy mountain and race all the way to the bottom over different terrains. It looks epic and I really wanna get into it ahaha. This is another reason why I wanna get my business established, cause then I'll have the money to buy a decent gear and stuff.

I've had to make a difficult decision with my car. Because originally I wanted to get rid of it to save money. But what I've come to realise is, at the moment it gives me so much freedom and I don't want to give that up. It allows me to go whereever I want, I can pick people up and go places. I'll be able to take my mountain bike to cool trails and stuff, I can pack a tent in the back and go camping (Millie and I are gonna go camping next month), and yeahh... I think I'll really be stuck if I get rid of it, because again - I'm not in a rush to go off travelling at the moment.

I've still got a that bloody motorbike, so I really need to get that sorted now. I was thinking about getting rid of the car and keeping that, but as from what I just wrote - You can't really do that stuff on a motorbike.

The brakes are fucked on my car, so that's gonna cost me some money to get those fixed. And then my insurance renews at the end of this month, and since I crashed last year.... My premium is gonna go up ? And also I need to get my car past the MOT, which I don't know if it will. So these are all things that made my decision to keep the car a difficult one.

But I think I've just gotta bite the bullet, get it fixed up and keep it on the road. I definetely don't wanna get a new car on finance, I don't even wanna buy a used car because I won't know what i'm buying. Yeahhh my car is slow as fuck, and little things keep breaking, but overall it's a good little runner so imma take my chances and keep her on the road.

I think that's about it now.

I just wanted to update where I'm at.

I'm just in the grinding stage, and I'm enjoying the process ?

Cheers for reading.



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The day has come!

I am no longer a virgin! ?

Funny thing is - Not too much has changed! I still feel the same really... There was no need to put so much emphasis on it!

Still it's pretty exciting haha.

ngl we were horny bastards, and ended up going at it 5 times in a single night... needless to say I felt pretty exhausted the next day...

I've got some work to do though! Years of frustration about my sex life comes with a couple of issues! Ya boi can't hold his nut very long.

I was certainly over excited and probably the whole time thinking (Holy shit is this really happening?). I've heard some tips that I'm going to start applying.

  • Breath deeply
  • Go slower
  • Practise kegel exercises
  • Stop and change it up when too aroused

I've also been reading an e-book called Sex God Method. Man it's goooooood and it really helped me out, and it obviously help me satisfy my girl ?

I find reading about sex and the mind really interesting - So I might get some more ? (bonus about having a kindle, no one can see what i 'm reading!)

Overall: I'm pretty damn happy! Having sex with someone has been a goal of mine for a long ass time, and it's finally been fulfilled - And hopefully will continue to be fulfilled!

I'm also really happy that it was with someone that I actually care about and have developed feelings for. It made the whole experience so much easier and better for me.


In other areas:

One thing I've realised is that I've really got to get more organised with my shit. One to make things easier for myself, and two to not feel overwhelmed with all the things I need to do.

The other day, I started by cleaning my entire room. I got rid of alot of shit cluttering my draws and I stripped out my wardrobe and reorganised all of my clothes. Now I know where most things are!

Today I've been looking for a way to keep a to-do list online, I did create a trello account a week ago but I'm not sure if the format is for me.

My sister told me about an online app called Todoist. So I created an account and have started jotting down all of my To-Do stuff and categorising them into:

  • Work
  • Business 
  • Personal 
  • Fitness
  • Learning 
  • Errands

I'm debating whether to upgrade to a premium account, which is only £28 for the entire year - This will make me more likely to stick to it aswell, and create a habit.

I'm going to give pomorados a try too, and there's a way to integrate it with my Todoist list.

I also at some point want to clean out my personal email addresses because they're filled with so much shit at the moment. Half of it's all marketing stuff because I subscribe to so many things...

And for my business email address I want to create some automatic rules and organise things into different folders.

I plan to open a new bank account for my business expenses too and create a spreadsheet that tracks my outgoings and incomings. This will allow me to keep a close track of my numbers and know exactly what's happening. In addition I want to take an online accounting course because I need to get good with my numbers and at the same time keep my tax spendings as low as possible. It's going to be essential if I want to run a successful business.

At the end of the day, I just want my head to be clear and get to a point where I know exactly what I need to do and exactly what's happening in every area of my life. Cause I often feel overwhelmed with all the thoughts running around in my head.

Diet is another thing that I plan to get on top of, as I know this is having an effect on my mental ability. Too often at the moment my brain feels foggy and I've been eating a fair amount of shit recently. I'm going to get my gym membership back, get back into a gym routine and eat properly.

See, alot of shit going on in my head - Hence why I need these lists!

The future looks bright as fuck ?

- Brad

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Just had my wisdom tooth removed and it was so grim!

I wasn't expecting to have my tooth removed today, so it came to a surprise when I visited the dentist for a 'consultation' and him then turning around and saying, "you ready to get it removed?"

I said surprised "Uh sure?"

Next thing I know, he pulls out a massive syringe and injects my gum - Making it numb.

10 minutes later - I'm lying on the dentists chair with a man and a drill standing over me. The drill gets fired up and he presses it into my mouth, little tooth pieces begin flying out of my mouth... No wonder they gave me some goggles to put on.

My body was super tense and all I could hear was the noise of the drill and the sound of the suction device his assistant was using to draw away any blood or broken tooth pieces.

The worst part came when he wanted to break the tooth in half - To do so he used a mini crowbar type thing and I could literally hear my tooth cracking as he pryed away at it, it was the worst sound ever.

Eventually after more drilling and cracking, the tooth was removed.

My mouth is still numb right now - But apparently in the next 2-3 days it's going to be extremely sore! So I'm looking forward to that...


The other day I started writing a post but I never finished it, so i'll just quote what I started.

"Lol, today I'm working 3 minutes away from where I used to work - Sat in my Girlfriends house.

How life changes... ?

I actually love this location independant lifestyle, and I ain't even started travelling yet!"

Yeah the other day I woke up at 5AM to do some work as I procrastinated a bit the day before, and then went to visit my girlfriend, whilst there I was able to do some more work and then I ended up being left alone in her house whilst she went to work for 2 hours and her parents were out too. I'm really loving the freedom I'm getting over when and where I work.

Today I've just been working pretty much all day, I've been doing my Dad's expenses which has been very long and boring, but I'm getting paid so it's not too bad aha. Then I wrote a 1000-word article on Shoulder Pain when you sleep for a client. That took me about 2 hours 30 minutes and I'll be getting paid £60 for that if he likes it.

Now i'm just doing some more writing work for another client and will continue to do her work and my Dad's work over the weekend. So I'm a busy bee at the moment!

Once i've cleared all of this work I'm going to start focusing more on the web design stuff.


Ooh, and I had sex again wooo - I wasn't even expecting to as she was suppose to be on her period, but I was teasing and stuff and being like oh we can't do this because your on your period, but you know you want it... blah blah - Then to my suprise she was like... Well actuallly I've not been bleeding so we could..... BOOM - Let's goooooo. Lasted longer this time ? Her Mum heard us though ?


I lost my head at boxing yesterday.

I was extremely exhausted, hadn't eaten much at all - We did a crazy warmup that killed me off before we did 1 hour of sparring. The VERY last fight - I was against big man Pac. Yes I've mentioned him before, the gorrila man. The 20+ stone beast, packed with muscle. Well the master of the art was in yesterday, so he was going alot harder than he usually did. And I took alot of punches to the face, and anything I 'tried' had no affect whatsoever.

My anger built up so much, I wanted to quit the fight so bad. I started to walk off but my coach told me to stay there and fight - So I did. He sent me flying across the room. I punched the wall and I started to take off a glove in anger, my coach me not to quit. So I didn't, I got back in there.

I was so fucking scared, this guy is a beast. I knew he could take my head off, and I really did not want to fight him. But I also did not want to quit, so I stuck in there.

It was literally the worst 5 minutes of my life - I thought my head was going to get taken off any second, that I could be knocked out any fucking second. My legs were beginning to tremble but I stayed in there and tried my best to survive. And I did.

My coach congratulated me for not giving up, as I was trying to fight back the tears.

Mad... I eventually calmed down haha.


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  • 5 weeks later...

Oopsie, I ain't made a journal entry in over a month!

Update on where i'm at

Last week I took a mini-vacation for the week, staying at my girlfriends house whilst her parents were on holiday. I really enjoyed it, we kinda just chilled most of the time. Went to my Nan's birthday meal one day and then a night-out with her friends another night. Which kinda ended badly...

Basically, I got bored in the club because I hate dancing alone, my girlfriend was just dancing with her friends and was hardly dancing with me - Which to be honest was the only thing I wanted to do. So yeah I guess I got annoyed, so I just left to go to another floor without telling her (which was a mistake). I think i'm so used to going to clubs by myself or with friends who I just end up ditching anyways, I don't what the rules are going with your girlfriend lmao. The problem was, she was there as a last nightout with some of her friends, so she didn't really wanna ditch them to dance with me. Problem is I get bored very easily if I ain't dancing with a girl or i'm not liking the music (Which I wasn't). So yeah anyways, because I was pissed off (Which I shouldn't have been really, but I was... so.. ugh) I went to another floor where the music was much more to my taste. I enjoyed dancing by myself for like 10-20 minutes, girls tried dancing with me but I knew it'd be a bad idea lol so I just ignored them (Which later on then came up to me and said why did you ignore me on the dance floor!) Lol...

I felt bad for leaving her on another floor, so I messaged her where I was saying I got bored. Ya the reply wasn't very nice... She was like "If you're bored of me stay down there." Urghh man. I then went back up and overlooked the dance floor, and I kinda just watched her dancing with her friends for a bit almost as if it didn't bother her.

It made me feel like shit.

I then told her I wanted to meet up again, and I don't remember how but she ended up in a bathroom crying, with her friend texting me to say come here. She wouldn't come outta the bathroom so I went in the girls bathroom and grabbed her. And then... I just told her what happened, I felt guilty - She was crying, and then I started shedding some tears too (bruh). We was fine after that, but we had to leave the club shortly after as her friend got extremely drunk, was throwing up everywhere. Ah yeah I got kicked out because I entered the girls bathroom to see what was going on because they were taking so damn long! (because her friend was throwing up).

Anyways all was good, we had some awesome sex when we got back to the house. Although she ended up being sore for the next couple of days, which limit how much we could have sex ahaha. But yeah, got plenty of that ? WOoo

We cooked a few meals together which was awesome, they actually tasted pretty darn good too.

The brakes on my car failed, so we had to wait for her Dad to get back and then he fixed them for me ? Saving me over £100

I think the thing I enjoyed most is the fact, that week was like a week of independence. A glimpse into independant living, no parents, having full control over what I do. Something that I think I want badly, but can't really afford right now. 


Other news. Still learning about web design. Bought Elementor pro the other day which is a wordpress plugin to design websites. Just been going through a Udemy course to learn that. I feel like I'm pretty ready to start designing my Dad's website now. And then once that is up, i'm going to contact other businesses and try to get paid for it.

I registered myself self-employed the other day too ?

But i'm still working at the bar too. Which I REALLY want to quit now. It's actually sucking away at the very little social life I already have. I've got 2 weeks i've working during the week with my Dad and then i'm working the weekends. So i'm gonna be working a hell of alot these next 2 weeks - Which is kinda depressing. But once I've got all that cash in, I'm gonna quit the bar in a month. Hopefully by that point i've built some traction with my web design business.


Some things I desperately need to do.

I really need to set myself some new goals. I achieved pretty much all of my short- to mid term goals.

  • I got myself multiple clients
  • I got a girlfriend
  • I had sex (And again and again)
  • I earnt £100 in a day online

Now I guess i'm feeling a little lost. I know I want to build my web design business, but I don't really know what my goals are with it. I just know I wanna be earning over £1000 a month with it.

I need to reassess where i'm at, what my priorities are. Because admittedly having a girlfriend has changed things.

I plan to re-read that goal achievement book, because damn it works - and set myself all my new goals.

I guess that's it for now. Quite an unstructured post, but eh I just wanted to get something written down haha.

- BRad

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update time.

I'm coming across a few issues at the moment.

To start off though, these past 2 weeks have been pretty flat out. I've been working with my Dad all week, working the bar on the weekends and cramming in my freelance writing work in the gaps. And I managed to visit my girlfriend for a day before she headed off to Uni.

After this long stint of work, I should hopefully have enough savings to live off of for the next 2 months to really allow me to knuckle down on getting my business up and running well. (My web design business). It's proving to be brutal though...

Right now is an extremely difficult time for me. Whilst i'm working my ass off getting money together and trying to get my business running, University students are just heading off to uni and are partying the whole time.

My sister is off partying and making friends, and my girlfriend has just arrived at uni today, making friends and is about to start partying too. This just makes me wanna party and make friends too! It's all exciting times for them, and I'm finding it difficult to not get jealous of it all. I wish I was having fun and making friends right now.

But... Here's the thing I have to keep reminding myself. I chose this path, I know that so long as I continue to work at my dreams and aspirations, i'll get there. I know that overall, University is not for me. I didn't want the £40k debt, I didn't want the worthless degree, I didn't want to waste 3-4 years of my life. Because ultimately alot of students finish uni and don't even use their degree and end up getting a pretty low paying 9-5 job. WHICH, i've already experienced and fuck that shit. University sets you up for that lifestyle, and I certainly do not want to go back there.

So yeah it's extremely hard watching them all have loads of fun and making a load of friends at the same time... But I also know what is waiting for the majority of them.

I do think right now is where I really just have to grit my teeth. It's freshers week, 2 weeks full of fun and activities for university students. And then it'll die down.

I'm going to hopefully try and join my girlfriend on one of the nights, but at the same time... I do not want to get in the way of her university experience, and her making friends and settling in etc... I don't want to become a burden, I don't want her to resent me because i'm preventing her from making friends. I don't want to force my desires onto her. It's fucking difficult, but it's for the best, it's for our relationship to stay strong.

Urgh... It is difficult though! Like mayn I wanna be living independently, surrounded by people my age and having fun. My time will come though...


So my relationship is going really well! Not gonna lie, a bunch of insecurities have been arising within myself. It's nothing to do with what my girlfriend is doing, she's perfectly great! These are all issues that are for me to deal with.

I guess one that I'm experiencing, I find myself constantly checking my phone to see if she's replied to my last message. I think this mainly comes down to me not experiencing enough fun in my own life right now... It's all mainly work, not much else is going on right now. I guess I get dopamine boosts everytime she messages me, and it cracks me a smile everytime I see a message from her. And when I look at my phone and there is no reply, I get a little sad.

It's fucking annoying, I know it's bad and unhealthy... So I'm trying to break the habit of constantly checking my phone for messages.

Another insecurity I had which I feel like I've dealt with now, was her going off to university. I felt like ughhh she's gonna be surrounded by all these new lads, and she's gonna get bored of me. She's gonna wanna hook up with these guys, they're gonna be more fun etc... But I do feel like I'm a lot more on top of this one. Firstly, I know that she does really like me, and isn't like that. Second I feel like I can trust her, and she's told me that she won't. I do feel like we've got a great connection that grows stronger each time I see her. Infact I feel like we're already starting to fall in love with each other haha (maybe that's just first love for ya..?).

Yeah so I'm dealing with that insecurity by just fully trusting her. Obviously if she does break the trust, it might just destroy me a little and it'll make me very insecure in the future but hey ho, no point worrying about that kinda shit ay... So yeah I guess i'm just rolling with that one, nothing I can do.

But yeah things have been pretty damn exciting. I'm happy how spontaneous and open she can be. Like bruhhh, we mayyyy have gone for a walk in a forest and had some fun ? We may have also gone swimming and had some fun in the showers :S And we're just so open with each other, I am really loving this relationship - It's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time!

But i've noticed how much of an effect the relationship can have on my mood. Like if I've not had a reply from her in a while, it'll start to make me sad. And when we're chatting and having fun, I feel ontop of the world. My emotions are all over the fucking place right now xD


So my time is now starting to free up and I should be able to start focusing more of my attention on getting my web design business running. FIrst step is to get my Dad's website up and running, and then I can take it from there really. It's annoying because that's been my goal for a long time, but I kept getting distracted by shit... But I am determined to get it all sorted now.

The other thing that I'm trying to take seriously again is my health, I've been getting back down to the gym. And I definitely need to get into Triathlons. I feel like sports will be where I can make my friends and just generally have fun and something else in my life.

- Brad


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 It's great you are starting to accomplish your goals and like you said you need to find new ones in order to still stay hungry and focused. You also need something to anchor you in case things do happen. If your girlfriend broke up with you or cheated on you would you go back at all to gaming or do you have a plan? Sounds like a lot of your feel good and happy emotions are coming from that relationship, just make sure you do have a plan for if bad shit happens. No need to dwell on it, but if you don't have a plan you might fall back into old habits, and you want to be in control of your emotions, not let them control you. Glad you are working on the web design, a lot of it is just grinding at it, takes time to learn all of the different skills necessary.

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So... my girlfriend and I are having a break...

She's just started Uni and is on 2 weeks of freshers... She's trying to settle in, get used to moving out and making new friends and going out all the time and I guess I was overcrowding her a bit too much and she got overwhelmed by everything. I should have gave her more space and not been trying to talk to her all the time like we was before...

On Saturday night I went out with some friends, and the night turned out to be shit. I was drunk, and she was drunk too out on a freshers night. I ended up texting her quite alot that night and eventually she told me to stop and give her some space. I kinda freaked out that night and didn't play it cool... I tried calling her quite alot until she said she'd block me... I then called her Mum to ask for advice... (Bruh...) and then I tried calling in the morning and sent quite alot of texts and tried calling a few more times... I even spoke to her Mum again in the morning. FUCK MY LIFE I ACTED LIKE SUCH A NEEDY MOTHERFUCKER....... ?

We did eventually speak later on that day, and we decided that i'd give her space until the end of freshers. So we've not been communicating since, apart from keeping our snapstreak alive.. xD

It's been fucking difficult though... And I cried quite alot to begin with, and I seeked support from my family. My Mum was such a legend. And my Dad has gave calming advice too, and my Sister was supportive.

But from a couple of days of not talking, i've already realised SO many things...

I did become dependant on her, and I was basing my happiness on her. My world revolved around her and I lost sight of my own goals in life. We used to text all day, and I'd get anxious when she wouldn't reply for a while. It really was not healthy how I was...

It's nearly day 3, and yeah she's still on my mind alot... But I'm focusing on making my own goals a priority now. Yesterday I ran 5 miles, and today I hit the gym. I'm training to start doing Triathlons, and I'm probably going to do some track cycling too. I started reading the Rational Male, and it's made me realise - Yeah... Of course it'll be extremely hard if we do break up, but I can definetely attract more women in my life, and maybe ones that are better suited...

Anyways, I think we will get back together - Although plenty times through out the day, I get a negative mindset and think, ah it's fucking over... Ideally, I need to speak to her in person as I feel like this will fix it all, but she's very busy with university at the moment. I'm trying to play it totally cool I may just text tomorrow, day 3 of our break to see how she's doing. But yeah, I do think just giving her space will solve the problem. I don't think I really did too much wrong to be honest, I was kinda the same as I always was... I think she's just very overwhelmed by University at the moment and needs some  time to get her head straight.

I guess we'll find out how the relationship goes soon... It's just a waiting game at the moment.

But yeah, when i'm honest with myself - We really did need this break, it's helped me out so much... Even though it's really hurting at the same time.

But yeah, I've gotta make myself the priority - It's the only way to truly be happy. Focus on my own shit - Get shit done and don't let myself drown in sorrows - I'm using this time to get towards my own goals.

Damn, it's such a mental challenge though haha.

- Brad


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Should probably update. Me and ma girl are good now...

Although it was a scary one... And last week felt like one of worst weeks of my life honestly, it was fucking torture...

Last Friday night I recieved a message from Millie and it started off by saying "I'm so sorry but..."

Just by reading that, my whole fucking body got this weird warm buzzy feeling radiate through-out.

It then on to read that she apparently kissed some dude on a night out when she was really drunk and she was explaining how sorry she was and how she ran home crying for what she had done. She was telling me how much she missed me etc, etc...

Now, obviously at this point... I should have been really pissed off, so that's how I played it... But secretly I was fucking happy, because it just showed that she did actually really want me. I went to bed shortly after a few message exchanges and I woke up to a couple of messages like "Are you okay? Pleasee I'm worried" blah blah... Then I told her how I was happy she still wants me but, but like why the fuck did you kiss the dude... We met up later that day, although she was really ill and had tonsilitus so we didn't kiss or anything ahah but it was nice to see her.

We're messaging each other alot more now, but not as much since she's at Uni now and is really busy... I'm still tryna figure out if shit is still the same as before the break, but I guess time will tell. I'm hoping i'll get to see her properly this weekend, that will really show if things have changed, since it's hard to tell over text.


In other news, just been working with my Dad. Just labouring for him, getting some money in. My plan is to stock pile the cash and then really knuckle down on my other business ventures. I'm still working on it at the moment, but right now i'm bogged down with slogging it out with my Dad and i've got a bunch of writing work too, whilst also maintaining my fitness training and seeing my girlfriend. So yeah, these next few weeks are gonna be fuckin hard, face to the grindstone and just slug it out... But afterwards I should have hopefully earned a decent amount of cash to live off of to focus on my web design biz and actually get that running properly.

Quick entry today, and I haven't really gave it much thought as i'm bloody tired - But hey ho.

- Brad.

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I feel so damn lonely right now. I actually can't deal with it...

I'm struggling with jealousy too, I know it's bad for me but I just can't seem to stop jealousy from occurring...

I'm jealous of my girlfriend actually. She's making all these new friends at University and hanging out with them, going out partying with them and doing stupid shit with them. It seems like she's always doing something and is so busy she rarely has time to message me or call me anymore.

 Meanwhile i'm stuck over 100 miles away at my Dad's, working all bloody day, getting home and hitting the gym, then trying to do writing work, but suffering because I feel so fucking isolated and lonely and then sleep and repeat. And I'm going to be working with him for the next month or so... I really don't know if I can cope. I can't go to any of my classes, unless I join something in Norfolk but it seems pointless since i'll only be here for a month. I'm bloody isolated in the countryside, I get sick of talking to my Dad as I work with him all day, and I don't really enjoy talking to his girlfriend and her kids.

Arghh it really does feel like bloody torture.

I wish I could spend more time with my girlfriend, but whilst I'm working with my Dad that's not possible, and I don't even know if when I go back home i'll be able to see her much since she's at University now.

I've got to get through this period, I need to finish this writing work off and I've got to get to the end.

Once i'm back home i'll be able to join a Triathlon club, I should HOPEFULLY be able to see my girlfriend more and i'll have far more time to work on my web design business.

The same fucking thoughts go through my head though, "Should I go to university?". But I know i'll only be going for the social life... And I know logically I shouldn't do it. But because I feel so god damn lonely at this moment, it feels like the only option to get a decent social life.

I'm HOPING, that joining a sports club will help that... But I want to live with people my age... That's the thing... I want to be AROUND people my age. I want to be independant, and I want to be around people my age, but like-minded too... I look on meetup.com and it seems like everyone is middle-aged... I remember when I went to that improv class, they were all old as fuck.

Urghhhh, why do I have to be so lonely and friendless.... I know for certain, that if I had a good close group of friends who I could hang out with - I don't think the whole university thing would phase me, but it's the fact that I don't that I crave that experience so much... But I know getting into debt and suffering 3 years of study for something that I will not use, it's pointless. BUT THEN IS IT BECAUSE IT MIGHT JUST SOLVE MY SOCIAL LIFE??!? That's ultimately depressing the fuck outta me.

Maybe this is the sole reason why I wanted to travel so badly? Would I get a similar experience? I don't bloody know, part of me thinks travelling solo will be a lonely experience too....

I'll be honest, I think I need to sleep. I'm tired and frustrated.

I just need to get through this next month, and stop getting so god damn jealous of my girlfriend... urgh fuck sake how do I make it stop...



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