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NEW PODCAST: Dealing with Gaming Nostalgia


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About Dannigan

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  • Birthday May 15

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  1. ?? Well done and good perspective about your progress. Sometimes progress isn't a straight linear result. So true. There are dips and peaks!
  2. Can I join the bandwagon of embarrassing posts? I write some pretty intense stuff sometimes on this forum. Most of which I actually deleted. I guess I have an intense writing style, but to be perfectly honest I'm only writing what I think about at that exact moment. Maybe that's why I felt embarrassed because after I reread the post, it comes across as either blatantly insane or really super intense. But, that's just me as an online persona, I guess. Meet me in person and I'm rather reserved. When we write our shit online, seriously, it's like a catharsis....to me it's my dumping ground when I write in my journal. I do have to be mindful about responding to other people's posts because I get too heated up lol. So, yeah, I have to 'rehearse' what I'm going to write down. I hope I'm getting better at it. Also, I think you've had a series of small successes within the 40 days or so, of not gaming. It wasn't all a failure. I have failed many times in my life too, and so have others. There are hills and valleys in life. We can get through it. The hardest tribulations will pass eventually. We just have to wait out the storm, seek help if we're feeling low, share our thoughts no matter how hard it is, and remember that you are never alone. Reach out if you need to. Sincerely, Dani
  3. Thanks for the perspective, @Some Yahoo. That is true.
  4. Hi Terry, Welcome to GQ. It's a good community and many caring folks here. First off, congrats for realizing that you're becoming bored with gaming, and deciding to make a change in your life, with a focus to improve yourself. It also takes courage to step away from a gaming community. This is a nice segue leading to my next question. Do you consider your Discord community as 'friends'? I have to ask this hard question because the social aspect of gaming is what keeps people playing these games. Cam Adair has a video about how to keep friendships with your gaming friends even though you no longer play video games. I don't have the link, but you can look it up on YouTube. I would be prepared to face some resistance at first, from the community. These people are gamers, probably for life, and there will always be some sort of friction when a community member leaves and focuses on other life goals. So, just expect that at first. Eventually, they may start to accept your decision, and you may be able to maintain friendships with some individuals. How do you start? And where do you start? Well, what do you want to accomplish? List your short-term goals. List your long-term goals. Heck, list your weaknesses and whether you want to improve or overcome them. Smoking cessation may be a long-term goal. How are you going to achieve this? Write this down. Write down ALL of your future goals, go away to some quiet library or home study area, and spend the afternoon reflecting on how you want to improve your life. 1. Journaling is an amazing way to focus on short-term goals, reflect on your progress, write down your most personal thoughts, re-read your previous posts. You can start journaling on GQ if you want support, or you can choose to write in a private journal. Your choice. I find that staying connected with this community has helped me over the last year. 2. Rewarding yourself after you complete a goal. Doesn't matter if it's a small goal. Reward is a motivator. I recommend reading The Power of Habit. This book sheds light on what TO DO to change your habits. One of the best books I've ever read for self-improvement. 3. Watch some of Cam's videos. Or listen to podcasts related to quitting gaming. 4. Get a calendar, and write in your daily goals, or weekly goals, monthly goals. Have a time-line that is VISUAL reminder. Basically, you're gonna be revamping every thing in your life eventually. Start with one small habit to achieve, which is your cornerstone habit.....get that one habit down, and the rest will follow. Anyway, that's my two cents worth. Take what you need and leave the rest. It's doable. It's just a matter of taking action. Action FIRST, then motivation follows. Never the reverse. ~ Dani
  5. Thanks! Nice changes so far. I like the side bar which shows who's online, the latest posts, newest member who joined. Very easy to locate, nice set-up. That's great about the name change. Looking forward to the alternate theme.
  6. A surgeon in the hospital I work in is pretty damn good looking and apparently intelligent too. But he's really humble and I always see him dressed in scrubs. Some folks are blessed with good looks. I have a bias that all attractive people are self-absorbed. I'm trying to disprove that because I think I avoid talking to certain people who are especially attractive. ?
  7. I'm really impressed with the progress you made, Philip. What you did was smart. You put yourself in situations that forced you to socialize. Folks, socializing is not a skill we are born with. That's a fact. You must put yourself out there where you're forced to talk to others. You'll fumble and bounce around the right words to say, but over time, and through many encounters with strangers, you will create a certain 'script' in your mind that you can easily whip up to engage other people in a conversation. You can be creative too. One tip I use is to focus on something I admire about the person. Their appearance, the way they talk, the way they share a story. And then I comment about it, and say something positive about it to them. A genuine and nice comment. Open questions are great as well to keep the conversation going. Don't worry, you'll feel like a weirdo doing this, but over time and with practice, it will be easier. We don't just talk with our voices. We communicate with our bodies too, and our facial expressions. The thing is, when people succumb to the 'easier' route of socializing online with people, especially in a video game, you are losing out on practicing so many other social cues and you are short-changing yourself. So, kudos to you for acting brave and facing those anxieties straight-on! I could use the same advice myself, especially when it comes to the dating scene in my future. There's a person I have a crush on at work, but I'm too shy to even make eye contact. It's that bad. :( Anyway......that's another story, and I won't hijack your thread.
  8. I have two nieces that I adore. Sometimes I get concerned that this narcissistic culture will impress upon them when they get older. I'm not saying that having goals to become wealthy or successful are bad things. But I think a lot of it is accomplished to glorify our own selves. I guess it just gets too superficial, that's all.
  9. Hi, I thought I'd bring up this topic because of the culture that we now live in. At least the Westernized culture. Image-focused-people. Sorry, but I fuckin' hate image-focused people. Maybe hate isn't the word to use. It's too strong a word. Naw. I'll use it. Okay fine. I think I just detest the way our culture is becoming self-absorbed. I mentioned before that I am a person that cares about my own appearance. Don't get me wrong. It's mostly about personal hygiene, and looking presentable to others. The moment I start caring too much about how I look like, somebody slap me in the face with a black silk glove. When did our society get so carried away with selfies? Posing a certain way to look THINNER on camera or in pictures. Getting the lighting JUST RIGHT so that your best facial features on your LEFT side stand out and you can ERASE that hairy mole under your chin using whatever goddam photo editor available at your convenience. You gotta have a nice car. A nice house. A beautiful girlfriend or boyfriend. Beautiful friends. Forget the uglies. They tarnish your image! Don't befriend them! Forget the people who aren't successful in life! They have no value to you! They can't teach you anything! Just flock around people who are the best in everything they do, and are ONLY successful in life. What a world.
  10. Much appreciated, Philipp lol....maybe I have agoraphobia. I don't like large groups of people. Even when I played an MMORPG, I preferred the smaller servers. My current workplace is smaller too, thank God. I guess bigger groups make me frustrated because there's too much to take in. I get really frazzled and I could care less about connecting with people when it's too much noise and hustle. Sometimes I feel like I want to escape and seek shelter. It's not that I'm socially anxious, it's just that it's like sensory overload. Hope that makes sense? I really do enjoy my friend's company. I don't see her that often but when we get together, it's like time never passed. I can be myself around her, and she knows so much about struggles I had in my past and sometimes I still struggle with certain things. But around her, I feel no judgement and I don't have to re-explain everything. It's been really tough for me to connect with people I've met recently. And I noticed that it's just about personalities that clash. I am a quieter person compared to most people, introverted, and an observer. I'm only outgoing with people that I know very well. The other friends I am close to are my in-laws. Like my brother-in-law is my best male friend and of course my two sisters are friends for life. We hang out as a group and it's been that way for years. It's comfortable and....safe. I'm content in my life with a smaller social circle. Maybe that's all I need right now. I don't need multiple friends. I can also appreciate my solitude, a MUCH NEEDED break from the energy of other people, even those I am closest to. If I had enough money, I'd purchase my own island where I can go whenever I feel the need to 'get away from it all'. When I watched the movie Castaway....I felt envious! lololol. Even though he was in complete isolation, I was like, "WTF dude, enjoy it for a little while!". Anyway. I'm happy as a clam right now. I'll still put myself in social groups like Meet-ups and such, every once in a while. I only joined the hiking group primarily because it's safer to explore new and tougher terrain and hiking areas instead of going there by myself. If I find the large groups too overwhelming, I typically just branch off to the side and enjoy a quiet walk by myself, or talk to one or two people every now and then. Very low key and no pressure to talk to people. Sometimes I just want to enjoy the nature in silence.
  11. Hello, A childhood friend of mine moved back here several weeks ago. I told her about my former gaming addiction, and thankfully she was very kind and understanding. After I told her about it, I didn't bring up the subject again. She promised to be a good sounding board if I ever slip back into that habit of gaming, if I felt comfortable confiding in her. So far I've been feeling good about my life without video games taking over precious time. The problem I'm having is that I think I'm shutting myself out from other potential friends. I do attend a few odd Meet-up groups for hiking and crafts, but I haven't felt comfortable lately with the people I'm meeting in these groups. In fact, the most enjoyable and meaningful moments are when I'm with my close friend, even if we don't see each other often due to our work schedules clashing and that I'm just too tired to exert that much energy after a long day at work. Has anyone felt this way? I think I'm just closing myself off and accepting the few friendships that I have nowadays because these people are 'familiar', and we've shared some emotional stories with each other over the years. I feel like my close friends are like family, and I'm happy just to have this small circle of them. But, that also makes me feel less motivated to meet new people who could become better friends over time. Problem is, these group meet-ups are difficult. It's hard to develop rapport when it feels like I'm competing with the largeness of the group setting. Should I just focus on nurturing the friendships I have now, and ditch the thought of making new friends elsewhere? I find this way easier, because I'm not over-exerting myself to meet strangers and waiting for the moment to possibly connect with someone in person. Whereas, I can just hang out with the people that I know very well. Is this healthy? Or am I just shutting myself off from potential friends? I appreciate any feedback or advice. I don't know if I can be objective about this. :(
  12. You're doing awesome, CrystalLake. :) It was nice to read about your update. ~ Dani
  13. Hey there, Maybe look at it a different way. You can pat yourself on the back for being cognizant of your gaming addiction, and for stopping it, even though you did relapse. Your mindfulness is a strength. Place your focus not on the relapse, but the goals that you want to achieve. That should be 85% of your focus. Write them down. Visualize the person you want to become. Write that down.
  14. The purpose of getting up can be a huge motivator. I have a full-time job, five days a week, eight hours a day. It pays well and allows me to live my life the way I want to live it. So, money is a huge motivator...lol. But let's get real. I get what you mean. You want to feel inspired to wake up and start the morning. Less procrastination. It helps if you visualize what growth you want to see in yourself over the long-term. And to have short-term goals set up too, as stepping stones towards achieving life's ambitions. This will take you some time to formulate, so I recommend spending a couple of hours writing down the short-term goals in a time-line of some sort. As Arch also recommended, sleeping routine is essential. Getting up on time and going to sleep at an appropriate time can help you roll out of bed easier. Your body will automatically wake up at a regular time if you train yourself. I posted a thread about Sleep Routine and how to achieve it. So, maybe look at that post and see if anything I wrote, or @JustTom wrote, will help. One more suggestion...... 1) Allow yourself time to wake up. If your alarm clock is set to wake up at 5:30 a.m., give yourself half an hour to lay in bed for a while, and then get up out of bed by 6:00 a.m. Some folks can't get out of bed immediately when the alarm rings. That's me. I couldn't do it. So, I set my alarm earlier and allowed myself time to roll out of bed. No guilt either! :) 2) Make a 'to-do' list the night before and set it on your desk. These are your short-term goals for the next day. If you don't meet them all, roll it towards the following day. Place a bBig check-mark beside each task that you complete, or cross it off. Visual reminders can be a motivator too. Everything counts and accumulates over time, little by little wins the race. 3) After you finish some daily goals, plan a FUN activity afterward. I know that some people fear getting addicted to other digital entertainment, and if this is you, then just avoid movies and internet use. But find an activity that is fun to do, whether that be at the end of each week or every few days, or daily. Work hard, but play hard too, and rest breaks in between. Good luck.
  15. By the way, I am guilty of being aggressive and hostile in a multi-player game. I deeply regret those moments, and upon reflection, it's not the person I wanted to become. I certainly didn't want that behavior to seep into my off-line life either. I was mostly irritated with people who'd ask me to level them up (speed level), or insta-grouping with me without my agreement, and other stupid things that were a waste of my own time. I felt like a tool, and I just became resentful, I guess. Anyhow, I digress. If you start getting upset in a video game like that, it's time to hit 'pause', and reflect. It's not healthy. Ultimately, I ended up quitting the raiding, and hung out by myself exploring the virtual landscape until boredom caved in....and then....I eventually quit video gaming. It just wasn't satisfying anymore once the social aspect was removed, and the grinding to level became unbearable.
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