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dwalk77

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About dwalk77

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  1. Day 95 Sobriety date: 1/25/21 Yeah! I made it through the 3-month mark! Actually, it's Friday night and I don't have a dang thing going on, so I decided to come here and post. I was feeling a little pulled to game or watch gaming. Feeling a bit lonely. But coming here is a good reminder as to where things go if I allow myself to go down that road again. It's usually not long before I'm falling into some really bad habits - late hours, lack of sleep, junk food, energy drinks. I don't want to go through that again. I actually just enjoyed a cigar on my back porch. It's just n
  2. Day 76 Sobriety date: 1/25/21 I do have a major update: I've decided to move. I've been living with a few roommates for the last 4 years, but it felt like it was time for a change. With one of them particularly, he's just felt overwhelming whenever he's around, and he's crossed a few boundaries with me. I'm going to be moving in with my Mom temporarily, and then my Dad afterwards. I think things will be much more quiet in both situations. I feel some shame, being 36 and living with my parents again. Like I should have friends or my own family at this time in my life. But I'm al
  3. Day 63 Sobriety Date: 1/25/21 Wohoo, I'm past 60 days! it feels great, not to be tangled up in the gaming world for a few whole months. I remember those days, where I was mindlessly going to Twitch all the time, or trying to force myself to play a game I had already put 100s of hours into. For the most part, I feel free of that, and I'm very grateful for it. Occasionally, I might feel curious about what's going on with certain streamers or I might hear through an ad or a friend about a new game and be curious about that. But, so far...I push that away, and realize it's not worth it
  4. Day 46 Sobriety date: 1/25/21 Encroaching on 50 days. Thankfully, temptation for gaming hasn't been too high. I still have this sort of obsessive attitude towards other things though, and that's been coming out a lot the last few weeks. Obsessive and hedonistic. Feel like my life is lacking some discipline. For a few weeks I was happy, working on those breathing exercises, waking up earlier, actually doing more work, but that's sort of faded, and now it's back to some bad habits. Waking up for work at the last minute, lots of porn, overeating. I've also been slacking off during
  5. Day 30 Sobriety date: 1/25/21 Alright, 30 days! I put a reminder on my phone to post on here once a week, so hopefully I can stick to that. These last few weeks have actually gone by pretty quickly. A few weekends ago I had a trip with my brother and Dad to help move him from California to Texas. It wasn't much of a vacation due to all the driving, but it felt good to help out my brother. It was nice to have some conversations with my Dad. I was also encouraged to see how healthy he was. He's had issues most of his life with a variety of things, but on this trip he was alert and
  6. Day 14 Yes! I'm at 2 weeks. I know that the longer I'm away from these games, the less that pull is going to be. The last few days, going to Twitch has barely been on my mind. That's awesome. It's not just about not gaming, but what I've been doing in the last 2 weeks. I started exercising, I've gotten a good amount done at work, and I've done some other things more often, such as praying, reading, and writing. Yesterday I basically binged on my TV show. I think I watched about 20 episodes, or 8 hours worth. Yeah, it's not the best day. I did do a little self-reflection throu
  7. Day 13 Finished out the workweek yesterday. That's a big relief. It was my first week of training, and I thought it went pretty well. I learned a lot, and I wrote up some of my own notes I can follow. Hopefully after next week I'll have the bulk of it done. Other than that, it was still kind of a lazy day. I got hooked into a TV series, and I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I enjoy the show and it takes away my boredom. On the other, giving up video games to binge watch TV doesn't feel a whole lot better. Another weekend is here, but this time I feel much more c
  8. Day 12 Almost to that 2-week mark. I feel really good about that. The cravings have definitely died down, especially compulsively going to Twitch. I think this weekend is really key. Getting through 2 weekends without any gaming stuff would be a victory. I find when I'm on my computer now, I'm slowing down and thinking about where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do before actually going there. There's still times where I'm kind of clicking around impulsively, especially Youtube, but it's not on the same level as when I was watching Twitch. Yesterday was kind of a mediocre
  9. Day 11 It's kind of cool how one thing can make a bad day to a good one. I finally called into a support group meeting. It's not that attending one meeting is going to bring about some great change in me, but...it could be the start of a change. It just feels like a huge relief, getting that first one under my belt. I hadn't attended once since COVID started, and in total it's probably been about a year. For me to change and break this habit of porn, I think I need to attend at least 2 a week, but 3 would even be better. At this meeting, it's just good to see some other guys who hav
  10. Day 10 I didn't do much yesterday. The biggest thing was the training. I think it went alright. It is a lot to take in, but that's how a lot of things are at the beginning. Nothing so far seems super difficult, it's just a lot of steps. The plan is to write detailed steps for myself as I get the process down more. Other than that, I finished out a TV series. A part of me views that as an "accomplishment", but I know it's really not. I have a small to-do list to get through today, hopefully I can get through that and today's a little more productive.. Yesterday, grateful f
  11. Day 9 To be honest, yesterday didn't feel all that great. Felt unproductive, lazy, like I just wasn't doing enough. I didn't exercise. Felt like I got a late start to work. Last week it felt like I was building on things and making progress. Yesterday just felt stagnant. After reflection, I think there's a few things I can do to make the day better. One thing I've learned is that focusing on feelings doesn't do much good, especially if I'm in some sort of rut. Actions now, feelings later. I do things even if I don't "feel like it", and then later the good feelings come. Rath
  12. @Bird By Bird That's awesome that you made that change. I really do think sometimes a simple change in environment can go a long ways As far as support groups, I want to get back to SA, which is based on AA, but focused on the sexual aspect of addiction. I actually attended some meetings prior to COVID, and it helped with my porn usage. After COVID, they stopped offering face-to-face meetings, and for whatever reason I have a harder time making a call than I do showing up to a physical meeting.
  13. Day 8 Past the 1-week mark. I've been watching a lot of movies. It's no coincidence that within the week, I've made some strides on forming better habits. Things like exercising, actually doing work during work hours, meditating/praying, and getting to bed at a better time. Hasn't been perfect, but it's definitely been better. This upcoming week, a few things I'd like to do.. One is just to get through this training I've been mentioning. Be rested and dedicate time to it. Try to throw myself into it, lose myself in it, rather than being timid about it. I'd like
  14. Day 7 Today makes a week, that's awesome. I'm over halfway through the weekend, so that's good too. I think it was yesterday that I got an e-mail from Steam that my account has officially been deleted. That's a bit of a weight off. Yeah, if I really wanted to, I could just create another one, but at least I know I have that boundary there now. Yesterday I went out and got some food as well as a few things from the store. I exercised again, for about 15 minutes or so. I prayed for about 15 minutes as well. Posted on NoFap, which I want to do regularly as well, regardless of how
  15. Day 6 Almost to that 1-week mark. I am in the middle of the weekend now, Saturday afternoon. I don't actually have any plans over the next few days, which is somewhat concerning. I'd like to exercise again today. I think I can hold the line this weekend. It's easy enough to find other forms of entertainment. Yesterday, I did go out with a few friends and get a round of disc golf in. That was a really good move. I initiated the plans. Like I've said before, disc golf checks off so many boxes for me. Maybe most importantly is that it's social (if I'm playing with others), bu