Join me at Permission to Think Freely touring Canada and the U.S. this May and June!


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About JustTom

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  1. Non-Zero Day 2 | Work Hours: 8 | Focus: 80% | Current habit: 8 hours of sleep (1/7) The Rant I woke up on alarm again yaay. In fact I used starcraft to get my brain going and not fall asleep back again. Played for 90 minutes, then went to the uni. Hmm... it is kinda the same thing as oversleeping in a sense, but I felt awake afterwards and felt like I could control it. Did work in school, intermittent fasting, went to the gym and then did my amazon FBA course. Good stuff. Repeat tomorrow. update: in the evening I played for 3 more hours. Yeah that's bad. Just posting it here for transparency and consistency. Additional Stats 8 Hours of Sleep: 1/1 Ate Healthy: 1/1 Gym: 1/1 Well that wasn't the case in the first 4-5 days. I hated myself quite deeply ha. Now that I'm very accepting of myself, it's making it so that I don't have a strong drive to quit cold-turkey again. Maybe I should, but I'm keeping it this way for a few days still.
  2. I also relapsed a week ago. After 40 days, similarly as you. Definitely being outside the house is the most important thing. If you want to get anything done and you have no dedicated place to go like school, just go to a random cafee. This way you are also around people so it all comes together nicely and puts you in a good state - at least that's how it is for me. Also, don't guilt yourself for gaming. In this community we are very hardcore about not playing, but making yourself feel bad about it only complicates the emotional situation and makes it harder to bounce back.
  3. Work Hours: 8 | Focus: 40% | Current habit: 8 hours of sleep (0/7) I'm feeling much better, listening to audiobooks on the bike and being around people is putting my mind in a similar spot that I was in previously. The desire to crush it is coming back. Played a few games of sc2, but managed to stop before 2am. I'm going to sleep for 8 hours, wake up, do intermittent fasting again and work out in the evening. If I manage these tomorrow, I will be almost fully back on track.
  4. Regarding your doubts whether ecommerce is the way to go and what to do in general, I think you should watch this: (the title is completely unrelated). And regarding feeling alone on this journey - I've been feeling the same. Online communities such as this are a big deal but having someone in real life would be something completely different. I was thinking, some of us who want to not only quit games but live the entrepreneur's life as well, could setup a more personal group chat, perhaps on facebook, whatsapp or discord. Maybe even voice chat from time to time or share articles/any advice. Wanna team up?
  5. Awesome that you're going out and it's having good effects, good idea! You say you're most likely not going to get in - what's your plan afterwards? Just curious
  6. Have you thought what to replace gaming with? You seem to mention that you get bored often - my first guess would be that there is nothing that really motivates you outside of gaming. Kung-fu is great, I highly encourage that, but it's only for a few hours per week, it's not an activity you can do anytime you have some free time. Sorry if you mention this in the journal, I didn't read that much, but if you didn't - this should be the #1 priority. What do you want to do?
  7. Yesterday I just slept a lot to revert my sleep schedule back to normal, which was successful. Spent the rest of the day playing starcraft, but it's fine. I don't feel bad about it. Got to diamond 2 lmao. Today I woke up on alarm so I should be back to normal. Feeling okay-ish, met up with my team to work on the final assignment. In the evening I will cook and watch the Amazon FBA course videos. If I can't resist, I'll play a few matches of sc2, but I'm committing here to going to sleep at 2am latest. I know it's not the proper way, but I'm not feeling super confident about quitting everything right now. Which is also the reason why I'm not being active in other people's journals - don't exactly feel like an authority that can give advice in any way. But hey, it's getting better. It's not nearly as destructive as it was a few days ago when I relapsed. At least I can function, get to the uni and do some work. Starcraft was always the least addictive game for me and often times I even felt like going back to being productive after playing because of the adrenaline rush the game gives, while not hooking you up with bullshit daily bonuses or XP or progression systems and whatnot. I know those are just excuses, I know it's comparing being addicted to heroin and being addicted to alcohol and I know I am wasting time on it. Deadlines are just around the corner and I'm not putting any time into working on my business or exercising right now. But yeah, at least I'm doing school. Soooo.. that's the state of things right now. I will be improving a lot over the next few days. Just need a little bit more time to get my tempo back. Evening Goal #1: Sleep by 2am Evening Goal #2: Do not watch streams/gameplays
  8. Day 0 I am unbelievably tired, but wanted to quickly update the journal to say that everything was successful. Got to the uni, did some work, got my mind in a good place and I'm back on track! Looking forward to tomorrow. Still haven't decided to uninstall SC2, but didn't play.
  9. Thank you so much @karabas, @Dannigan and @zeke365. It took me a few days but now I'm on the right track now. Still didn't give up SC2(installed it and played again) so I'm not re-starting the counter just yet. However, I cleaned up my room, trimmed beard and now I'm going to the uni. Being around people and actually doing some work after 5 days of not doing anything will be refreshing and will put me in a completely different state. This day my main goal is to re-adjust my sleeping schedule. Thankfully my teammates finished the second assignment, carrying my ass again. I will try to make it up on the final one. To address some of your comments Danni: I don't mind posting publicly. I don't really feel like this forum is public anyway. The fact that other people check up on me and I check up on them is very motivating to me so I'll stick with that. Although of course I do omit some personal details. And the lies - yeah, I don't *think* that intellectually, that's just what I *feel* like. Does that make sense? Confirmed: arrived at the university
  10. Took inspiration from @karabas and did some brainstorming here: By relaxing, doing a bit of thinking and listening to uplifting music I regained a little bit of consciousness, so I deleted all 3 games from my laptop(witcher 3, SC2, LoL) that I played in these 2-3 days. My internet at home is absolute garbage so it actually it takes me hours to download a single one. This should be enough to keep me from playing at least for a while. Good step 1. I'll go to sleep soon, but here's the next steps to take: (DONE) Uninstall games YouTube: unsubscribe from anything even remotely related to gaming Shower Trim beard Do dishes Tidy up in my room Read a bit of 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem (the only physical book I have here) Write a vague plan for the next two weeks Reply to GQ (I'm feeling so tired and shit I can't even be grateful right now, sorry @Dannigan) Go to the uni Re-start the detox: re-evaluate the strategy with regard to the relapse and its reasons Just brainstorming again, not saying I will do all these after I wake up, I'll take it step by step. I just really like lists, the structure helps me everytime.
  11. The latest journal entry shortly describes how I'm feeling right now: It's been 2 days since I started gaming again after 40 days of detoxing. The first two weeks were in fact without watching any videos whatsoever as well(not even non-gaming ones). I figured 1 thing that would help me is just thinking about it a little bit and writing down the reasons for the relapse, or even other things leading to the relapse. I currently have 0 willpower, but somehow, just typing in this forum is very relaxing and not making me feel anxious like other non-gaming activities are(such as checking my messages to see people trying to communicate with me). Brainstormed reasons: Feeling resistance against school work because my skill is not high enough and it's very tough to get into Oversleeping Going to sleep late Not having a plan for the day written down the evening before Fear of confrontation of my own limits (skill in coding/math) Sitting on the bed instead of the chair Lack of short-burst high-intensity activity (I workout, but that's not the same emotion I'm after) Lack of competition Lack of social/sex-life Never fully letting go of my gaming identity (hence watching the gaming videos) Not having a back-up plan for when I oversleep (schedule is broken - what to do now?) Watched gaming videos Watched videos Stayed home No close friend to share the journey with IRL (detox or business) I feel a bit better after writing this.
  12. As you said Karabas, I will not stop posting here. So to update the journal - I'm still gaming. As of right now, my 'rythm' is to sleep during the day and game during the night, completely ignoring the real world. It's been 2 days. It's 6:30am and I know I will stay up longer until I fall asleep out of exhaustion, just like yesterday. I feel powerless. I wonder if I'm just bound to be a failure my entire life. I don't think so, but it has certainly been looking like it in the past 6 years. So many dreams, all of them thrown away... My biggest wish is to have freedom over my mind and body, to be able to live consciously and congruent with my beliefs. I thought about how no matter how successful I would be, I would still be suffering in misery if I didn't make this happen. Even though of course it's near impossible to create significant success while being depressed. So really, this is quite literally the most important strategy to execute in my entire life. I just.. don't know how to start getting better. I have 0 willpower right now.
  13. I relapsed
  14. Day 40 | Work Hours: 0 | Focus: N/A | Current habit: Mission Statement (1/7) The Rant The same negative pattern again. Overslept, felt like shit, stayed home instead of heading out, wasted time, watched videos, stayed up late. Also, full disclosure: at the time of writing this, I am still downloading witcher 3. Same shit keeps repeating every 5-7 days lately(although downloading a game is a new one). Feeling very unconscious right now so I'm not even going to rant about what this all means. I'll just mention that the fact that my teammates are doing work and I'm not today is making me feel unbelievably anxious. Additional Stats 8 Hours of Sleep: 0/1 Dream Journal: 1/1 Read Mission Statement: 1/1 Gym: 0/1 Ate healthy: 0/1 Sleep hours: 10 Action I don't even know man. Think I need to talk to someone...
  15. It's those sleep-ins that always got me whenever I tried to quit. Exactly as you said, I felt guilty about oversleeping and wasting so much time, then the morning/afternoon was so slow, lazy and depressive that I always just started to play and the cycle of addiction and depression continued. Good job not following on that