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Brad's Journal


Brad_Hurst
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Didn't get chance to say what worked for me yesterday!

- Patience saved my life.

- I exposed vulnerability when telling my Dad and his girlfriend about my online business plans.

- My mindset and beliefs were further solidified when they challenged my plans.

I will explain why patience saved my life. I was driving up to my Dad's along the tight country roads, when, all of a sudden I saw blue flashing lights in my rear view mirror. It was the police, and they were chasing someone! Holy shit, I've never seen a police chase in my life. This guy was going over 100mph on the opposite side of the road, there was oncoming traffic a few hundred metres up the road. I made the immediate decision to slow my ass RIGHT down and get as close to the edge of the road as I could. The guy flies past my car along with a load of police cars. 5 SECONDS LATER, FIVE MOTHERFUCKING SECONDS LATER and TWO cars infront, he has crashed. Flipped his car onto its roof through the bushes as he has obviously swerved to avoid the oncoming traffic. All I could see was smoke. Man, holy shit!

Had I been driving as quick as I usually do, or had I chosen to not slow down. I SO easily could have been involved! Thankfully, quite amazingly... No one seemed to be hurt, even the driver. I don't know how the fuck he survived, I thought he was dead for sure considering the speed he flipped his car.

But yeah, patience saved my life today.

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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2 hours ago, Shine Magical said:

Like I’ve said before I would not want to be in a car with you, ever!!

I'm a safe driver! ?

What worked for me today

- Opening up even more to my sister on the drive home. I went into a bit more depth on what I'm really feeling

- The warmth of my clothing to protect me from the cold weathers.

- Having a car that enables me to drive and see my Dad who lives 3 hours away.

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What worked for me today

- Channelling the energy from my workout goals to successfully complete my 85kg squat 5x5. (New PB)

- Recognising when excuses pop into head and then taking action

- Pushing limits that I set in my head. (E.g. I said I'd do 35 pushups in the morning, and then thought. Why not do 37? So I did 37)

 

Currently, at work I am really not enjoying my time there, I'm constantly thinking about other things and then end up googling stuff and not doing my work. It's usually always personal development type stuff or business stuff. I really need to start focusing more and not getting distracted all the time by my thoughts. The weird thing is, I don't mind doing the work itself - Although it gets rather frustrating when the model isn't coming together as it should... I think I've mainly adopted a negative attitude because I really do not like the environment I'm in. Just my surroundings. Like, I really like the company and the people working for the company are extremely smart and nice. I mean I work for Triumph Motorcycles, the best British motorcycle manufacturer in the world. And the company has got good values and a good vision and is really stepping up their game. But it's really fucking weird because I'm not satisfied there. When I tell people that I design motorbike parts for Triumph Motorcycles they are usually pretty impressed and think I have an amazing job. Am I like the only person who thinks it isn't? lol. Sometimes it makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me for not feeling satisfied when everyone around me seems content. It definitely boils down to... I feel constricted. I don't feel free, I want control over my time. I wanna see shit, meet new people. Workout when I want, wear what I want, wake up when I want, LIVE where I want.

Patience. Action and PATIENCE.

No matter how much I tell myself that I need to be patient and that this is all part of the process. It still gets me down nearly every day. Keep grinding Brad! STAY FOCUSED. I'm doing the best I can right now.

On the plus side, today (whilst I was supposed to be working) I finally ordered myself a Macbook Air (2015) off of eBay. I think I got a pretty good deal on it (£450). I was able to use PayPal credit with 0% interest for 4 months. Which is great! Because instead of having to wait for 4 months until I had the money ready, I can have the laptop now and pay it off later. And I'm very confident that I will have that money by then. But getting this laptop was crucial. It is the central piece to what my future will revolve around so I'm really happy that I'm finally getting a decent laptop! Now instead of sitting in my room on my computer, I can work from wherever I want! Wooo

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Maybe you should sell the computer now that you have a laptop. I’ve had to do a lot of that kind of shuffling around before I started to get happy and feel like the things I own suit me.

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2 hours ago, Shine Magical said:

Maybe you should sell the computer now that you have a laptop. I’ve had to do a lot of that kind of shuffling around before I started to get happy and feel like the things I own suit me.

Yeah, I was thinking about that. Do you think eBay is the best place to sell it? Or is there better places to sell gaming computers? I know I've spent over £1000 on this computer and I get the feeling I'll only receive like £300-400 (If that!) for it :(

 

Today was a bit meh. It started off pretty well, I woke up and immediately ran downstairs, completed 40 push-ups, 25 burpees and 25 jumping jacks before resuming my routine of hopping in a cold shower, mediating and then working on my Shopify store.

Someone told my boss at work about my increased internet usage O.o She called me to a meeting room and told me that it's only for break and lunchtime. Gah, I feel bad because I didn't really feel that bad. I'd be lying if I wasn't secretly hoping I'd get fired right then and there. It did make me think a bit though, I should really try to be making the most of my time there. I get frustrated though because it doesn't really matter how fast or slow I work. There is always another job to do... I get paid the same no matter how fast or slow I work. I know this is such a shitty attitude, but when you see no benefit to busting your ass over something no one gives you praise for. What's the point? Sure if I had the desire to move up the career ladder in that place then it would be necessary, but I don't have those aspirations. I'm planning my escape instead.

I've been listening to The $100 Startup whilst working, and have been taking quite a lot of notes. It's all about creating a business based on your passion that intersects with what people need. An issue that I'm struggling with, however, is figuring out what the hell I'm good at that somebody would pay me for. Hell, I don't even know what I'm truly passionate about. I've spent most of my life sitting behind a damn computer playing video games. I need to pick something to learn about and get really good at it. I did start learning about copywriting before Australia, maybe I should continue to learn about that. Or get real good at building websites, Shopify stores, get really good at SEO or facebook advertisements. Something that can be very beneficial to online marketing. A skill that I can use to become a freelancer so that I can replace my day job income. I'll be able to move to Bali and finally live a digital nomad lifestyle. Screw waiting in an office until I eventually hit gold with my online business, because who knows how long that will be. And I'd rather do the waiting in an exotic country than in a stinky office lol. I am staying committed to making my Shopify store work first as I've already started it. Because I don't want to keep jumping around without getting anything done. But for sure I need to find a way to freelance as well.

I've thought about creating my own website, and I know Cam did mention this to me in one of our calls too. The website would be similar to this journal I guess, but I would write up the lessons I've been learning in a blog type post. I could have a page dedicated to all of the things that have helped me so far. And I could have a page explaining why each one has helped me. I think it would be cool to have a website that guides you from having nothing in your life to dominating it! I know from my own experience, you have to search through so much shit on the internet to find what you are looking for, it gets overwhelming and you feel lost. It's hard to find stuff that truly resonates with you.

There must be people out there just like me who feel like literally every aspect of their life has been lacking! Just a year ago, I had hardly any friends, I worked a job I was miserable at (Still am), wasn't that fit, no hobbies other than computer games, no wealth, no love life and just sucking with girls in general. Ya, I feel like I was pretty shitty in most areas of my life. And yeah, I still do have a LONG way to go. And because of all these different areas that needed improving, I got so overwhelmed I just ignored it all, I escaped into video games and did nothing about it. Until eventually I had enough and thought the only way out was to have @Cam Adair help me out. AND THANKFULLY, it did and the ball is now rolling bitches.

The only thought on that though is if I've still got a long way to go on my journey myself. Who the hell is gonna listen to me? xD Ah well, I do kinda want to give it a go. And it will help solidify the knowledge that I have gained. Thinking about it, this is something I care quite deeply about. Helping others level up their life, and also raising awareness of video game addiction just like what Cam is doing an amazing job of. Because this stuff is real and it really does have such negative effects on peoples lives, I know it has made mine miserable. But, it's been a blessing too because it has exposed so much. It has allowed me to dive deep. And I just know that I will come out of this stronger than ever. In fact, I already feel strong as fuck and I'm nowhere near where my goals are, but I am taking action to move towards them.

But yeah, I do feel that site idea would do 100x better if the guy writing the posts had his whole life together and had a wealth of experience to share. He'd have a lot of great friends, an abundance of wealth, freedom in his life, able to attract beautiful women constantly, working towards a cause he cares deeply about, strong family relationships, healthy body and ripped as fuck, very well travelled with lots of exciting stories to tell. That is my idea of a successful guy. And I hope one day I will be that guy.

 

Anyways, what worked for me today?

- Discipline

- Having goals to work towards

- Having an awesome sister who cooked me a meal when I got home from work starving.

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27 minutes ago, Brad_Hurst said:

I know I've spent over £1000 on this computer and I get the feeling I'll only receive like £300-400 (If that!) for it :(

Where one sees a loss of £600-700, another sees a gain of £300-400. 

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What worked for me today?

- Dedication (Staying committed to waking up at 5 AM to work on my online store)

- Strength (Destroying my PB for the squat once again. I've now done 5x5 at 87.5kg. 90kg next. I'm now squatting more than my body weight (82kg), woo.)

- Vulnerability (I told some of my co-workers about my Shopify store, turns out one of them used to do it too. He checked out my store and thought it was pretty good)

Each day I feel my vision getting stronger and stronger. My body will look ripped. I will earn money online. I will break out from my 9-5 job.

The only vision that I'm struggling with is me becoming good with girls. And this is because I'm not really taking action to improve this area. To be honest, I think I need to be patient. My focus needs to be on earning enough money so that I can leave my 9-5 job. Because whilst I remain there, first of all - I simply don't have the time during the week to even meet girls. And second, it hurts my confidence because I'm doing something that is not in line with my values.

I do need to try and make some efforts though. So this weekend, I'm going to do something I haven't done before. I'm honestly freaking out a little because I don't know what i'm going to do. BUT... Saturday night. I will go to a bar in town SOBER, and by myself... I will stay in that bar for ONE hour. NO MATTER WHAT. Holy shit, I don't even go to bars. This will be a fun experience. Once I have completed my hour in the bar, I will head over to Mosh Nightclub. And dance the night away, SOBER. I am going to set myself the task to approach 5 girls in the club. Although as the name suggests, it's a mosh pit so it will be more like dance approach 5 girls. In the bar, I will approach 2 different girls.

What the fuck Brad... I randomly just set myself that task right now. I didn't even think about it at all before I started writing. Well shit, I'm gonna do it. AHHHHHH, my head is screaming "YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY". Commitment. Dedication. I need to prove to MYSELF that I can complete tasks that I have set for myself, no matter the pain and fear I feel.

Oh, shall I make it harder? Hit the town during the daytime bitch. Approach 3 different girls. FUCK WHAT AM I DOING. STAHHP

I'm doing it.

- Brad.

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Hahaha I'm looking forward to this one. My sweet summer child, you don't know the meaning of stifleness until you experience sober solo daygame :D Prepare to get rekt son

Just use the "mind off, feet on" trick, just start moveing, it will be fun. But approach directly, none of that "oh hey could you give me directions to xyz" "what's the best club around here" bs.

That's right, now I'm holding you accountable motherfucker xD

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8 hours ago, thehondasc00py said:

Hahaha I'm looking forward to this one. My sweet summer child, you don't know the meaning of stifleness until you experience sober solo daygame :D Prepare to get rekt son

Just use the "mind off, feet on" trick, just start moveing, it will be fun. But approach directly, none of that "oh hey could you give me directions to xyz" "what's the best club around here" bs.

That's right, now I'm holding you accountable motherfucker xD

Please do brother. I already know that I'll start making excuses when I get there. I was at my Mum's birthday meal today with my family. My FAMILY and I could feel social anxiety kicking in. Shit son, definetely need to switch my brain off for this.

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@Cam Adair Damnnn dude. I just had a conversation with my mum and it was exactly just like this video says!

It all kind of started off because she mentioned how the family commented on how much more grown up I looked with my beard, style and physique, She was telling me how so many girls would get attracted to me. I then just straight up told her, yeah but it's not just based on looks Mom. I need to work on my social skills, my confidence and generally just meeting girls in day to day life. She kept insisting that the "right girl" will come along one day. Argh I hate that, that could be in like 5 years brah. Especially considering my current exposure to new people each day (Which is very little).

I told her about my work situation (again) and how it was just not right for me. She would tell me to ask if there are other roles within the company that I could do. I already did that before. I moved teams, it was better for a while but... I just do not like the 9-5 Mom. Commuting so damn far to work, to a stingy little office every day. There is more to life than that! I don't want to work for someone else. Who tells me when I can take a break, when I can eat my lunch, when to start work and when to finish. Yeah, i've told her my feelings about my social situation and work situation a few times now I think. I dunno, I don't think she really gets me lol. Like you say, it's that anxiety.

Especially for my Mum. She has worked so damn hard her whole life. She works two jobs to pay the bills and still does not earn very much money. Infact, i'm only 19 and she just turned 45 today and I already get paid more than her. And this is why I can't really fuck around with paying my board money to my mum. She can't afford to pay for my ass. I really do want to become successful with making money online. Not just for myself now... Not just so I can travel and live a life of freedom. But to help my mom. And to help my Dad too, he is struggling with his business too.

 

What worked for me today?

- Honesty

- Being able to talk to my mum about my deeper issues.

- New grown beard xD. Family love it

Oh, on the plus side. At some point my Mum said "You can fuck as many girls as you like, you will know when you meet the right one". I do love how open we can be when it comes to talking about sex. She actually tells me about the dates she goes on. And even though I don't really want to hear it, if they were any good in bed lmao. Infact just now, I was writing my journal downstairs when she told me that I had to go upstairs, i've got someone coming round. Bruh. xD

 

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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This shit is tough...

I just went to a nightclub sober and by myself. Time for a little report:

First off, I wasn't originally even planning to go out tonight. I started going through a little bit of the RSD Max's Becoming the Natural earlier on in preparation for tomorrow and then thought to myself. Ah fuck it, why not just do two nights in a row? I can use tonight as a reference and starting point. And fuck my life, this is tough.

I tried to hype myself up by shouting and talking to myself in my car. I then thought about rolling my window down and shouting out at people walking past lol. I nearly went and did it but resistance hit me like a motherfucker. As I neared the club I did roll my window down a little and shouted "RUN BOY!" at some guy who was running on the street. Repeatedly on my journey to the club my head was screaming WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. In fact, I was vocalising it to myself too. I said to myself I should probably try and talk to someone on the street as I walk to the club. But everyone was walking with their friends and I got extremely anxious as just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Whilst waiting in the short line to the club, I turned around and noticed the girl behind me had pink hair. I immediately just said, "Cool hair, I like the colour". She said awh thanks. I then noticed she had a birthday badge on so I said happy birthday to her too. Boom, I've talked to someone. Ah yeah, I should probably mention that all day I had been pretty isolated, I hardly spoke to anyone ALL day. So I was going into this club COLD as FUCK. Anyways, I've managed to speak to at least someone... Although VERY brief.

I entered the club. This is where the anxiety kicked in big time. I looked around and everyone is with their mates, the music is booming. I felt so uncomfortable it's unreal. I couldn't really spot anyone who looked open to approach, everyone seemed so engrossed with their friends. I decided to head to the dance floor. Once I stepped on, I began lightly dancing but damn without alcohol I can't immediately bust into my crazy moves... I need a bit of warming up! For the first 10-20 minutes I felt so awkward and uncomfortable it's crazy. In fact, when I first stepped on I probably lasted about 20 seconds and then I bailed to the toilet. I gave myself a little pep talk like "THIS IS FOR YOUR GROWTH DUDE, COME ON STEP INTO THE GAME". I headed back and just tried to maintain positive body language and smile. Slowly but surely I began to loosen up a bit.

ALRIGHTY, this is where it gets interesting!

Soo... I move upstairs 2 floors to another dance floor. I danced on it for a little while but then decided I would get myself a drink. I'll be honest, I did get a vodka and coke. I thought it might just ease me up a little bit more. As I drank it, I stood solid leant up against the counter. I was not moving for anything, I wanted to do this because too often I start fidgeting and moving around. So I thought I would embrace stillness and observe my surroundings.

The fun begins... I re-enter the dance floor and as I walk on, a girl checks me out. She's with her 2 friends. I think to myself, okay you need to act within the next 5 seconds otherwise nothing is happening. I dance over, grab her hand and twizzle. Great, she responded pretty well. Her friends obviously noticed, so... I turned to her next friend, grabbed her hand and twizzle. She seemed a little shocked but seemed to like it. The third friend started to shake her head to her friends, but in the fun kind of way. SO... I grab her hand, AND twizzle. Boom. I then just proceed to dance with them for a bit, but I didn't do it in a needy way. I would turn away from them occasionally and dance facing the other way. Ssomething that I have observed when I watch other guys dance with girls who they have not yet attracted, is they try too hard to dance with them. They just linger around them and face them constantly and try to get in their face. I watch as the girls initial interest in these guys fades away. It's because they are showing a form of neediness I believe. So I do the opposite, and it seems to work. I ignore the girl if we are not physically escalating. I think in the PUA world this is known as push-pull. And holy shit it works a charm.

So, i'm dancing with these girls, but also not dancing with them. Another fella comes along and starts to dance and talk close to the first girl I twizzled. She at first seemed to like it, although I don't know. I chose to not pay much attention because that shows that I was bothered - Again neediness. I was stealthily observing though, and here's the magic babeyy. The guy was doing exactly what I said I observved most guys doing. And it was like I was watching her attraction meter for him slowly deplete, it was quite funny to watch. I witnessed the body language and eye signals the friends were making to each other and then they started to block him off after about 5-10 minutes. Guess who started moving closer to me again. Oh and this is where it gets even better. Her friend WANTED me to make-out with her friend. SHE was trying to force us together. She kept pulling me to the side and telling me to just go kiss her. HAHA, well shit - I thought to myself FUCK IT. I danced over to her, grabbed her and just went to kiss her. AHAHAHAAA, man I've never seen a head move so fast to the side xD. I laughed it off, her friend started laughing and I just kept on dancing lol.

I moved further into the dance floor and kept busting some moves. I'm not gonna lie, I feel like this beard I've grown has spiked my attractiveness levels by like 3, I guess my athletic body helps too. But I was catching a lot of gazes from girls. So here's the next thing that fires up my anxiety levels. I've noticed that if a girl likes the look of you she and her friends will slowly but surley start moving closer and closer towards you untill they are right next to you. So this happened with 2 girls. I mean, i'll never know for certain that I was the reason they came over and started dancing next to me. But when they glance your way every so often, I take this as a hint. So... I grabbed one of the girls hands and went for the twizzle xD. Salsa really coming in handy here, it's my signature move now. Unfortunately, our hands disconnected midway through the twizzle which made it kinda awkward, so I just kept dancing by myself. They stuck around me, I got the vibe she wanted me to try again. But I just couldn't seem to find the courage to do it a second time... Eventually they went away and then 2 girls other girls kept trying to look at me and moved closer. Unfortunately, they were not my type at all. And they boxed me in, I WAS TRAPPED. SOMEONE HELP ME OVER HERE. I kept dancing for a little while and then just decide to walk through them xD

I moved to the middle floor. Ay ya boi got a bit of action now. I was dancing for a little while, three girls moved over to me. We all kinda looked at each other. One of the girls came up to me and said her friend thought I was hot. She was alright looking. So I said something along the lines of "Ahah, cool. But she's going to have to show me some good dance moves before I get with her." She shuttles over to her friend, tells her what I said. I grabbed her hand and then this girl started doing the fucking splits in the middle of the dance floor XD I was like holy shit, okay you win me. I twizzled her and then pulled her in close, and we kissed. I pulled away, danced for a bit and then kissed her again. AND... This is where I fuck up... So we're kissing, touching, getting a bit physical... I'm thinking in my head, I want to move off of this dance floor. I stop kissing her and try to move her off the dance floor, she follows. BUT THEN, her friends grab her and be like. Where the fuck you going, she shrugs and then asked me where we was going. I had no idea... I just wanted to go to the side of the room lol. Her friends pulled her back to the dance floor. Now. I had two choices. A. Follow her and go back to the dance floor. And look like a needy bitch. OR B. Keep on walking to wherever the hell I was going. I chose B. I felt like a badass... Part of me was like. WHY... THE FUCK... DID YOU NOT STICK WITH HER!

After that I moved to the bottom dance floor, feeling pretty confident after snogging some chick in the middle of the dance floor. I catch a girls gaze, and just grab her hand and twizzle again. Danced with her for a bit, then we broke up but it seemed like her male friends wanted her to dance with me again. We did for a bit but then it died off.

Then all of a sudden the guy who saved me from one of my night outs before, Sam walked past. I was like ayyyyy man. We hugged and then I danced with him and his mates for a bit. From this point on though, my approaching power was fucked. ARGH, there was a really cute girl at one point who with her friend. She definitely kept checking me out, I just couldn't figure out how to approach. I waited too long. They stuck around me for quite a while. Then some random dude started smoking his fag on the dance floor and kept kneeling down to hide from the bodyguards. I wasn't having it, he was stinking out the club. I pulled him up and told him to go smoke his cigerette somewhere else. The girl noticed me standing up to this guy too, but I wasn't doing it to impress her. I thought it was disgusting this guy was smoking on the dance floor.

Anyways, I bitched out. Never approached her, gah - She was really cute as well. The rest of the night went pretty shit really, I got stuck in my head saying I need to approach someone. But just couldn't do it, I felt like there were no opportunities. Even though there were probably loads of chances. I told myself, just get rejected by one more girl and then we can go home. I couldn't do it, I was stuck in my head. All that I was thinking at that moment was, I have no verbal game. NONE. All I seem to be able to do is dance and attract girls who like my face and body. To be fair, it's hard to have a conversation in that club. But even still, when most guys approach a girl. They speak to them, by shouting random shit in their ears. I could not think to save my life of any random shit to shout out. All i've got is "Hey, how's your night going". Hardly exciting... I did quickly approach one girl just before I left just commenting on how drunk her friend looked. It was a cop-out approach though, I was never going to get rejected for saying that.

So yea, that was my first sober night out. I definitely have ALOT of work to do on approach anxiety. I honestly have NO IDEA how I'm going to do some day game tomorrow. Like what the fuck. Kind of freaking out quite a bit actually lol. But I guess that means it's got to happen. My dance game seems to be pretty good, I have the ability to pull girls without hardly saying a word on the dance floor. Now i just gotta learn how to actually speak. But yeah, getting a make-out was pretty cool consdering it was my first time flying solo and sober...

 

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"Couldn't think of a cool opener but hi"

"Are you from Belgium?"

"Hey, who the f are you?"

"Sick shoes are they Versace??"

"HA! I've got you!"

"Hey. Whats up. Im x"

"See that picture over there? I drew it."

During nightgame, opener can be literally whatever. WHATEVER. That's half the fun

And do the Chain of Association exercise where you monologue with yourself for 15minutes or more nonstop every day, it will help a lot with your verbal. Judging by the length and enthusiasm of your posts here you enjoy expressing yourself but just filter way too much. 

 

Edited by thehondasc00py
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@thehondasc00py Ya I sure do. I have started trying the chain of assossiation thing when I'm driving in my car. But I'll make an effort to do at least 15 minutes a day. What I find is, even when I'm by myself. I'm finding it difficult to pick something to talk about, I end up just talking about a traffic light or some shit... I feel myself trying to filter even when by myself!

Got a lot of work to do!

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Ah, I'm such a pussy ass bitch.

I went into town today for like 2 hours. My intention for going was to try and approach some girls. I said i'd do this on Wednesday so I wanted to follow through. I've been freaking out about it all day though. My head was not in the game, alot of negative beliefs about myself were surfacing. Like "I can barely talk about random shit to my family, how the fuck am I going to do it with some random girl." "I don't know anything""You know you're not going to do it, why are you going?". These thoughts were overpowering me. I tried to just acknowledge them and accept them. They still formed a barrier.

I walked through the mall, there wasn't that many girls that I wanted to approach. There were some but were with friends, and there was no wayyyy I was gonna be able to do that shit. When I did see one, I just backed out every damn time. This was happening for a good hour and a half. I told myself, dude you've got to at least talk to someone...

I noticed a shop assistant in a gadget shop playing with this RC car that was driving on the wall. I walked in, went straight up next to her and said "Ay that's pretty cool". She was like yeah. I asked "how does it drive on the wall?". She said it uses a vacuum thing, asked if I wanted a go. So I had a go. When I gave the controller back, I said haha thanks. I looked around the rest of the shop for a bit. As I went to leave the shop she was getting a drone out, so I just said "Do you just get to play with toys all day?". She was like yeah pretty much. I asked a few more questions like so how often do you crash it blah blah. Ye I dunno, too many questions. It felt really forced.

But ay, I spoke to a girl lol. I then went home.

Bit of a shambles today. Gah, I can't believe i'm forcing myself to do this stuff. All because I fucked up my social life when I was a teen. It's the only way i'm going to get one though. It's so uncomfortable it's unreal. I just gotta keep trying I guess, and grow a pair of balls and not be afraid of rejection.

Might have a quick nap now, didn't get much sleep last night. And I'm planning to go out again tonight. I feel really tired though. But I'm going to go anyways. I mentioned that I should go to a bar for an hour straight on Wednesday. I just need to figure out where to go. I walked past the one I was planning to go to last night and when I looked in the window everyone was sitting at tables and chatting with their friends. I've got no hope of breaking through my mental barriers there. Gah, that's a belief again - I'm creating excuses for myself. TOO MANY EXCUSES. I need to stop bitching, but I can't help it. Yes, I can.  

Fuck my life, my mind is going crazy. I'm so god damn afraid.

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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I'M MEETING ENGLAND'S FUTURE KING TOMORROW!

But before I get to that, let me talk about what's been going on with my ass.

So... I was planning to go out again by myself Saturday night. But, a friend called me up later on and said that he won this competition at some burrito bar. He got 2 free tickets for entry, and he also won a ukelele, 2 massive bottles of desperado, a record disc and a t-shirt. It was basically some underground rave, I decided to go to this instead. I mean, a rave underneath a burrito bar? Sounds pretty interesting. Literally, when we arrived it just looked like a normal restaurant, and then you go downstairs and there are massive speakers in this small cellar. It was weird as fuck, the music was so damn loud they were giving out earplugs. I'll be honest, it wasn't my type of vibe. Most of the people there were guys, and they all looked like they were druggies lol. So ah yea, I don't think it was the best night ever, would have rather had gone and worked on my social skills at the clubs... But I was curious about it so that's why I went. 

I spent most of Sunday learning more about inner game, all stuff to do with my mind. And I honestly feel like I'm starting to understand all of this stuff on a deeper level. My issue is, once I get out there it all goes out of my head! And the emotional side of me takes over, it paralyzes me... So, to work on this I have started listening to "The new psycho-cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz. I listened to it when I first learned about Self-Help and I know it's got some really good stuff in there about re-programming the sub-conscious mind. But I read it at a time when I was just consuming content for the sake of consuming content and not really taking any action at all!

The gym is going really well! Yet again, I have smashed my PB for Squat and also my overhead lift. I struggled with my deadlift today as my hands were really sweaty and I couldn't grip the bar properly. I'm going to invest in some wraps to sort this issue. I squatted 92.5kg 5x5 today, and overhead pressed 42.5kg 5x5. It's quite amazing how i've just smashed through the plateau I had before Australia. I think it's honestly a mixture of having a long rest and also eating alot better. I'm consuming alot more protein now, also trying to get more sleep in. And, my mind is in a MUCH STRONGER place. My goals are more firmly set and this gives me a firm reason and motivation to smash my sets. It allows me to visualize me completing my sets, and it fucking works a charm. It's amazing how powerful the mind is.

An issue I have right now is... I WANT TO READ SO MANY BOOKS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIT IT ALL IN. I still need to finish "The power of habit", i've been reading "Bigger, Leaner, Stronger". I've been listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger's audiobook, a bit of $100 startup and now i'm listening to "The new psycho-cybernetics". I also bought a book called "Side Hustle" which is by the same author of $100 startup. AND FINALLY, I kept hearing about this book from so many places... So many people seem to be recommending it. RSD Max's book list recommended it to help with game, it's a top rated book on Amazon. I ordered it and then I watched a youtube video today by Improvement Pill called "The best 6 self-help books you must read" His must read books. And this book was his TOP recommendation that apparently changed his life. This book is called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It's all about spiritual enlightment, learning to live in the present which ultimately allows you to be your happiest self. I really want to read this now!

Fuck. Alright, too many books to read I should not keep jumping around without finishing the previous. So here is the plan. I'm going to park Arnold for a bit, and the power of habit. To be honest, I don't have any super bad habits right now that need changing (I think...). I'm going to listen to "the new physcho-cybernetics" and start applying the methods they teach to help make my sub-concious mind better. Hopefully, I can start to quiet the negative beliefs I have about myself. Such as me constantly thinking that i'm not going to be able to carry conversations with girls when I talk to them. Or me not knowing what to say. Whilst listening to that on my commutes to work and whilst at work. I will be reading Bigger, Leaner, Stronger as quick as I can. So I can learn all about nutrition and working out so I can implement that stuff right away, and get my body rocking! Once I have finished that, I will read The Power of Now.

Hehe, exciting stuff... Now I just gotta stop filtering myself so much in conversations, learn to truly believe in what I have to say. Stop being a little bitch, face my fears and go approach some girls. Get earning some money online. Be able to quit my job and free up time to then learn even more and make even more! Oh man it's all an upward spiral, it's amazing.

Oh, and yeah. Tommorow Prince William who will one day become the King of England. IS VISITING MY WORK. AND GUESS WHAT, they sent an email around saying that 100 employees will get the opportunity to stand at the front of the new visitor's centre and watch him unveil a new custom tank. I sent an email saying i'd like to take part in this. AND I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY FEW WHO GOT IT, haha cool shit. I mean, to be honest... I'm not that fussed about kings, queens and all that shit. But it's still pretty cool to see famous people, especially our future king lmao. I may even get to shake his hand? Whooo knowsss.... Deffo gonna try get a picture or something. But ay, not many people can say they saw the king in real life... King William? Met him m8. Shook his hand didn't I. I ain't kidding, check out this photo bro. HOLY SHIT YOU AIN'T LYING CUHZ.

Haha, wtf. I'm just in a good mood right now. My mind is in a good place.

I kind of want to change the wording of my daily task.

Instead of "What worked for me today?" I want to use, "What am I grateful for today?"

So what am I grateful for today?

  • Seeing things slowly progress
  • Having goals that I want to complete badly
  • Being able to talk to both of my parents openly about our lives and what is really going on inside our heads.

Peace,

Brad.

Edited by Brad_Hurst
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So... I was supposed to be going on a date today.

Unfortunately, the girl is having some issues with her parents splitting up so wouldn't be able to come out tonight. I'm quite surprised she told me that... But I think she's open to going out again. It woulda been my first ever Tinder date! In fact, the girl used to go to my school but I had never spoken to her before although once very briefly. The plan was to just go get some drinks at a pub in town and then we were gonna hit a nightclub together. When I first spoke to her the week before, I had mentioned that I was going out to the club by myself and she seemed to dig that. Thinking it was all brave and shit and how she could never do that. So we organised to go out this Friday. Oh well, there is always another time.

Yesterday, I had a migraine. I have not suffered from a migraine in at least over a year! So it was quite upsetting that I still have that condition. I think it came down to a few factors though. FIrst of all, I didn't get that much sleep the night before. I went to bed quite late as I visited a friend late on Wednesday to pick up my phone charger that I left in Northhampton the other weekend. Second was stress. I got myself a bit worked up, basically I wanted to train at my sparring class but also my team at work were going out for a meal. I was orginally going to just go for the meal out and skip training, but I really wanted to train too and I had been looking forward to it. So I decided to meet up with them straight after work for like 40 minutes. It was in a bar type venue. I felt extremely uncomfortable sitting on a table in close proximity to all my workmates. My boss was opposite me on the table too, although she is really chill so it's not like I was even trying to impress her or anything. I was struggling to come up with anything to say. I often feel like I have nothing in common with them. They will talk about motorbikes and all this random shit and I'll try to keep up but I get lost. I think an issue of mine, is that because i've been focusing so much on my mind and mindset and becoming a more successful person, this is all that occupies my mind and therefore I have become a bit out of touch with everything around me. And it was just the case when I was gaming too, all I ever thought about was video games and what I can do to improve my game competitively. I become obsessed with these thoughts and it makes it hard for me to chat about random shit because my mind is stuck thinking about these other things. Anyways so yeah, I guess that stressed me out a bit. Finally when I got to my boxing class, we did a really hard workout at the start and I didn't get to drink any water which caused me to become dehydrated. Just before we started sparring, I noticed that my vision started to become a bit impaired. It's like this blurry spot that appears in your vision. And I thought to myself, "Oh please don't be a migraine coming on". Sure as hell it was...

I really wanted to spar this new guy though, so I stuck around until I got to spar him. And then I decided to leave early and get home as quickly as possible so that I could rest. The reason I wanted to spar the new guy was because he's my age, my height and he is very muscularly built and we'd already established we'd be very competitive against each other from Tuesdays session where I practically killed my body to ensure that I beat him in the training. Migraines are horrible, you can't see properly and your head goes really fuzzy. You can't think straight, I guess it's like brain fog. Oh and then you get a BANGING headache when the vision comes back. Fortunately my sister had a migraine tablet that I could take, and it did help. I never got the banging headache. Although I do have that slight hangover type headache you always get after having a migraine. So going out drinking and partying tonight probably would not have been wise.      

I keep hearing about "The Power of Now" so I'm going to devour the whole book right now! :)

Also, I am going to hopefully catch up with my good friend from back in Sixth Form. He's at university at the moment but I noticed he is into all these entrepreneurial stuff too and apparently he has read quite a few of the books i've read too. We're gonna talk on skype, i'm quite looking forward to it. I really want to find out what his ambitions are and what he's working on at the moment. And i'll be able to share what i'm working towards too! I really want to find some real life friends who I can share this with, where we can help push each other forward because we know what each others goals are, and what each others weaknesses are.    

At work today, I started looking at the digital nomad stuff again. I also found a quote and it REALLY resonated with me and got me all inspired.

"Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than to your comfort zone." - Billy Cox

Damn son. This weekend I am going to be focusing on learning all about facebook ads and seeing if I can make any sales with my shopify store. I was also thinking that if I learn it well enough I could turn this into a freelance skill too. But yeah, I desperately want to make the location independence lifestyle work. There are just so many things I want to experience and this will enable me to get that experience. For example, i'd love to work over a ski season in a cheap chalet and hit the slopes when I feel like it. I could just do a ski season and be a pot washer or something. But I think it would be a lot cooler to do with me making money on my laptop. Also the same with Bali, I want to move to Bali and work and surf all day! :D These are my dreams right now, and I gotta work hard to achieve them!

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Woopsie, I haven't posted all weekend!

Here's my update:

I decided to go out to a nightclub solo and sober Friday night. Was probably one of the worst nights I've ever gone on lol. I didn't approach anyone, was stuck in my head. Did get to dance a bit but felt super awkward. Ended up leaving after like an hour. I really do need to just go for it and start speaking to random people, I'm going to keep going at the weekends and forcing myself to stay despite how uncomfortable I feel. I will eventually just get bored of avoiding taking action and actually go speak to some people. Besides, after me giving @thehondasc00py a kick up the arse to go through with his pull. He has now done the same to me and challenged me to approach at least 3 girls. He completed his, so I have got to do this.

I spent quite a lot of my weekend reading 'The Power of Now'. It truly is an amazing book and it has really changed things within me regarding my happiness levels and mindset. I'm about 3/4 of the way through it, so not much left. Honestly guys, read this book - It might just change your whole damn life for the better! :D

I've been taking a liking to the Ice Skating in the Winter Olympics and also Dancing on Ice and it gave me the thought earlier on in the week to go Rollerskating. So Saturday evening I took that inspiration and went rollerskating haha! I originally asked my friend but he wasn't up for it, so then I asked my Mum and Sister. My Mum was working but my Sister was down. We went to the leisure centre where we used to do a bit of rollerskating like 5-6 years ago. It was a rollerskate DISCO. Music was blaring and the lights were dimmed down low. I'll be honest, I was probably one of the oldest in there! Obviously a few parents too, but hell it was fun anyways! I was a bit shaky at first but rollerskating is like riding a bike, you never really forget. So I eventually started to pick up some speed! Some kids were speeding around whilst going backwards and doing all kinds of spins and shit. I was like holy shiiitt. I tried going backwards but I did so very slowly! I managed to stay on my feet the whole time... UNTIL THE VERY END! I skated over to where the benches were with a bit too much speed, I tried to use the stopper thing to slow down but I was not slowing down xD. I went crashing into the bench completely wiping it out and then proceeding to fall on my arse! xD I was all good though! My sister found it funny as fuck though. I mean I found it pretty hilarious too haha. Good fun. I think we're gonna plan to go ice skating soon too.

I managed to spend a decent amount of time on my Shopify store too this weekend. Launched my first ad last night. I've had a few click throughs to my website and an add to cart. I've still got a lot to learn and I'm looking forward to learning all about testing and analysis. I've got another course by the same guy going through Google Analytics and then he also has a course specifically on Facebook ads. At this stage I'm really not worried about losing money on adverts and courses because in the long run it will serve me well through the knowledge and experience I gain. Besides, the courses were hardly that much. They're like £12 on udemy.com. If there is a skill that you want to learn, I highly recommend you check it out! I've already learnt a lot from there and there are so many more things I want to learn! :D

I've picked up a course on udemy about speed reading and comprehension too. I thought, if I'm reading all of these books... Why not increase my efficiency by learning how to actually read faster and retain more information. Surley learning the proper techniques will help me greatly over the long run!

I'm going to be doing one final course that covers online marketing in general. Covering most aspects, it's like one of their most highly rated courses. If I'm going to make this all work, I need to start to understand it all better. PLUS, I may just find the area that I want to specialise in and use as a freelancing skill!

Gah I just wish I could spend all week learning this stuff! But I'm at work... Ah well, no point in complaining. Just got to optimize my time when I'm not at work. Finding a balance between my fitness and business. Also somehow fitting in social life stuff, but I think that will be put on the back burner a little whilst I focus on getting myself free from the 9-5. I will still go out to clubs at night though. Ultimately though, when I free myself from the 9-5... I will have more opportunities to socialise in the future! :)

Anyways, speaking of fitness. I hit the gym on Saturday and smashed my PB for the squat again! 95kg 5x5. Boomshackalka. Ain't nothing stopping me now! I thought I wrote this goal down on my journal, but I wrote it on mark mansons change your life course. But basically, I wrote that my 1 month goal was to squat 85kg and my year long goal was to squat 100kg. PAHAAHA, it's been like a month and I've completely smashed 85kg and I'm so close to 100kg already!

Speaking of goals, soon I will review how they have been going so far since I wrote them down. Having a look between what I wrote on Mark Manson's site and in my journal. I'm pretty sure I've completed a few already! :) I certainly feel that my progress has gone into overdrive since coming back from Australia. Feels great!

Finally, not too much happened yesterday other than working on my business and then I went swimming for a bit. When swimming, there was a girl who was really good in the fast lane with me. When she finished, I was propped up against the side recovering my breath. I thought to myself, you gotta say something! "Hey, do you swim for a club?" She responded "Yeahh" whilst laughing a little and proceeding to exit the pool. Pat on the back Brad, you said something.

Last thing I want to write down. I was on the phone to my Dad last night and he has been really struggling with his business lately. I really want to help him, but at the same time I want to be working on my own thing too. I also feel like I can help his mindset too. I just got to work on my delivery and learn how to explain what I'm trying to say better... Too often i'll jump into a concept and then just get all confused whilst talking lol. It makes sense in my head! As soon as I start speaking I get confused with myself! Anyways, he says he gets all inspired when he speaks to me. So that's good to hear! I think it's a combination of him hearing me getting on well with my goals and also I do try to identify areas he can work on. But I don't really want to be brutal and offend him! And besides, who knows if I know best... I can only offer an opinion. Which hopefully gets him thinking.

The good thing however, the stuff I'm learning should help my Dad with his business. So I could definitely try and help him out. And that will give me a taste of the freelance world too!

That's all for now,

Brad.

 

Edited by Brad_Hurst
Miss spelt some shizzle
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97.5kg 5x5 squat complete. 100kg next time!

Oh also, whilst I was resting at the gym. An amazing idea came to my head about my business. To do with who I should be trying to target for my audience. Dunno why I didn't think of it before, but imma test it out and see of it makes a difference! :)

The power of resting the mind!

 

What am I grateful for today?

- The ability to listen to music to help elevate my motivation

- All the great minds in the world who share their knowledge via books

- Having a warm home to keep me safe during these cold times.

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I got my first sale! :D

Oh and very shortly after, I GOT A SECOND!

Very exciting stuff! The amazing thing is, there is still so much more I want to do to the store to improve it. So if I'm getting some results from my starting point, wow who knows how much I can make it grow! It just proves that small consistent actions DO add up. I love working on it. Literally, hours can go past and i'm like, well where the fuck did that time go then! That feeling of creating something that is mine is just so satisfying to me. There is definitely a future for me in the internetsphere.

When I'm writing my journal, I can just keep writing and writing and the time passes so quickly. I really enjoy writing down my thoughts and lessons. I definitely want to create something in the future around my life lessons and do it in a blog type format. Or I could even give youtube a go!

AND I HIT ANOTHER GOAL TODAY! I SQUATTED 100KG 5x5! Yeeehaawwwhhh. I was aiming to do that at the END of THIS YEAR. And I've achieved it on the 2nd of MARCH! Now I really want to get my bench press alot higher and get my chest looking big.

I'm going to update my goals at some point this weekend.

At my boxing yesterday, a funny thought popped into my head. WHY, am I able to stand up and fight a dude who is twice the size of me (Width ways) and probably 4x as strong. YET, i'm so afraid of simply approach a girl in the streets? I mean, this dude could literally knock my head off. And fuck me, yesterday he about knocked me out with an upper cut to the face. It's completely and utterly RIDICULOUS! xD

What's a girl going to do to me? Say some bad words that hurt my feelings? At worse, slap me or pepper spray me or some shit. LMAO, there is literally no threat. But yet there is a threat. It's a threat to my EGO. My ego is going to get hurt bad, and that feels 10x worse than getting punched in the face. So I need to drop it.

Another perspective on that thought too was. I was in fact scared of this dude when I first went up against him. And actually, I still do get nervous when i'm told to fight him. But each time I go to fight him, I'm a bit more confident everytime. And why is this? Because instead of avoiding fighting him and remaining scared, I stand face to face with him and take him head on. And I get punched... HARD. But every punch I take, I learn. It hurts, but I get better. And next time... I don't get punched as much! At first, I would buckle as he charges at me, covering myself up with my head down. Meaning, I get destroyed. But over time I learnt to keep my head up and MOVE. Now i'm like a Matador avoiding a charging bull.

I can apply these same principles to talking to random girls. I'm going take emotional hits, HARD... But overtime I will learn and get better. I'm scared as fuck right now, but the only way I will get better is by going head-on into what I'm scared of. I do wish I had more opportunities to practice. Man if I was at University I feel like I would easily sort my social issues out. Because I know that I can become quite social when I establish myself in a community. No point in talking about that though unless i'm actually going. Which i'm probably not, because I wouldn't know what I want to study. Phychology really interests me actually, but I feel like I can learn more about people and how they work through books, online courses and life experience. ANYWAYS I DIGRESS. I've got to start going to town during the day on weekends. My only issue though, is that i'd be there with no other purpose than talking to girls. And at the moment, I really want to be getting my business side of things running. So if I could somehow integrate the two, that would be perfect!

I will look for some coffee shops to work in over the weekend. I mean it's alot easier to stay at home and work there... But I mean if I want both, I have to make that sacrifice and do it.

I was planning to go town tonight. However, I chose against it purley for the fact that it would be darn right stupid to go! England has had alot of snow lately due to the BEAST FROM THE EAST from Russia. And if you want to know one thing about England... It grinds to a fucking halt when a bit of snow hits the floor. Like literally, buses stop running, taxis won't go out, schools close, people call in sick for work and the traffic is just a stand still. It took me 1 hour 30 minutes to get home from work yesterday! People are so shit at driving in the snow lmao.

Meanwhile me on the otherhand... WHEELSPIN, PULL THAT HANDBRAKE, DRIFTTTT BABBEYYYY. (Sorry @Shine Magical). Driving in the snow is so fun!

I guess that's one benefit of being really good at driving video games, SOME skills transfer into real life driving. Just gotta remind myself that there is no Pause --> Restart button when I fuck up xD.

Final note, I've realised that I really do have a passion for how the mind works and how humans work. Like it's all I ever seem to read about. I find it quite fascinating. I really want to learn more about the spiritual side of life too. Reading 'Power of Now' has blown me away, I want to find more out about enlightment, energies, etc.

A funny thing actually, when I was in Australia I spoke to this woman on the bus and she was a chart reader. She gave me her email and then sent me my chart. And amazingly, it did actually say on there that I could be suited to Phychology or become a spiritual leader. I don't know why, but this is my vision of what me being a spiritual leader would be. I would have a following of students whom i'd take out into the ocean on surf boards where we practise our meditation and stuff, connecting with the ocean. We'd catch waves and then go climb some mountains and stand at the highest point whilst we all connect with earth around us. Then i'd have developed the ability to spiritually heal, (I heard about this thing called Reiki). I'd do my healing around a campfire and then we'd sleep under stars and become one with the universe. I feel like i'd have a Point Break kind of vibe about me (GREAT SURF FILM). Man come to think about it, point break would be the perfect kind of lifestyle for me! That is the dream lifestyle.

Wow I sure do not want to live this "Conventional life" any longer. THERE IS SO MUCH TO GO EXPERIENCE :D

My online store is going to become really succesful, i'm making it happen. God so much to look forward to. So much to experience NOW. The second my finances are sorted out, i'm freeing myself from the trap of the 9-5.

Right, gotta sleep... It's late.

And damn, this post was suppose to be short! I got carried away again! 

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