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TheCrystalLake

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About TheCrystalLake

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  1. Day 732. What a number. I would have thought that i would celebrate the 2 years. But because of covid crisis its still not possible to go out and meet people. Last week has been kind of very rough for me and i think too for other people trying to stay off gaming. Literally caught in your home its hard to find anything beside cleaning and tv you can do. I really watch a lot of tv nowadays and i could barely pull myself from ordering a ps4 the other day. Still would be better than PC though cause i wont play online but still a way into the wrong direction. Cause Corona will end and so will
  2. So back here for now to remind myself not to start gaming again. With corona around the block and a shutdown of all social places in my city from today on iam really at risk. Cause there is nothing i can do anymore.... no meeting people, no parties, no bars, no gym. Only work and my home. And what would be a better time for gaming than now. Iam nearly 2 years off gaming but thinking about it still gives me chills and i stillll have the urge to play, despite of allll the things i achieved in the past year, being it a new job, living in the city i love, a nice guy, new people in my life. Its nev
  3. Hello lovely community, its been a while i posted on here cause life has been really stressful and changed a lot since i quit gaming 1,5 years ago. So yes i didnt touch a game for that long. Never had the intention to do so but once i started i extended the 90 days to 180 and so on. So, the 1,5 years have really not been easy cause i had and still have to deal with a lot of psychic bs, found a new job, quit it again, moved to a very big city for a new job 1 month ago. And idk what it is. My life is pretty filled. I have hobbies. I dont have friends yet but some people to hang out with and
  4. First welcome to the forums. It can be liberating being finally able to talk about the things that you are dealing with. We all are here for the same reason as you, we want to change our life to the better. Have you ever considered searching professional help for your depression? If you are suicidal you need to open up to somebody in real life who can help you. If you dont want to tell friends or family a professional would be good. I have been dealing myself with depression ect since i was 13, so i know how bad things can actually get. It could help you writing a journal here and starting the
  5. I had a lot of withdrawl symptoms without first even knowing it were some... when i stopped from one day to the other i could not concentrate for about 3 weeks anymore. I forgot things i wanted to say 2 seconds ago, i became poor at spelling .. Additionally i was suffering from really bad insomnia for nearly a year. I was constantly nervous. I even fell back into selfharming behaviour again for a while. My depression and anxiety got worse. Slowly but constantly this all changed. I think the symptoms depend on various things. Some people may not even get them. But i think when you have been a
  6. "You are not strong enough to withstand the storm" the devil whispered into my ear. Today i replied " Iam the storm" 374 days without gaming. Wow. when i think about that it sounds weird. But it feels good. Every day there are moments where i tell myself... you would not do this or that if you still would be a gaming zombie. You would not study a language, you would not go to the gym, you would not express creativity... And even though. Its. still.so.hard. Idk why... but the cravings dont go away. No matter what i do or with whom iam... there are those moments out of the blue where i thin
  7. I have read a bit in your journal and i think the progress you made since starting here is great! You have goals and you know what you want to achieve. And i think its realllyyy good you do drawing. For me when i stopped gaming i started to write again which i literally stopped 10 years ago (not because of gaming) cause it was at least something i could drown in. And creating something instead of consuming is always good ? I found this link you shared to that nosurf article very interesting. I can relate to many things there, and i have noticed it myself while writing. Many times i cant focus
  8. Welcome to this community of lovely people. I think what you need is a cut. Since mobile gaming seems to be very much of a problem delete all games from the phone. Since you came here for a reason, many of us have started and fullfilled the 90 days detox and it changes your mind completly. For some people doing this is easier than for others, i think it depends on if you got someone having your back or not. So you have a little family, and thats even more of a reason to stop. Cause a father or husband whos constantly psychologically absent is the same as being physical absent and may harm your
  9. Yea maybe thats the reason. My brain is totally hooked on dopamin and there are times where i think soooo much about gaming that i can feel my synapses to shake lol... But idk... i miss of having something to absolutly drown into and not doing anything. Gaming always had very much of a relief for me. Sit down and starting to play was like breathing out all of the bad feelings i had and just deeeeeeply relax. Idk.. i wasnt able to find this feeling in anything else until now. Not meditation, not writing, not alcohol, not other drugs (kids look away pls, drugs are not good for you) so yea iam ki
  10. So this is my first autum without gaming. And while summer was easy cause there was always something to do outside i feel like its very hard right now. You know its cozy inside and you dont wanna move out cause its sooo cold^^ So yes. A challenge is coming. And while time goes by and i read many stories from other people saying they dont miss gaming at all ect.. i cant agree for myself. I mean, i dont miss it 24/7. There are days i even dont think of it. But then iam constantly feeling so... disconnected from everything around me. I went to this therapist 2 weeks back and at least she did not
  11. Wenn Du magst schau es Dir mal an, das sind 2 Deutschrussen die ne Youtubeserie machen und dort wird deutsch und russisch gesprochen... ist aber auch nicht jedermanns Humor.... ?
  12. Hi and welcome. Your sentence above reminds me of a quote i once read: Recovery didnt open the gates of heaven and let me in. It opened the gates of hell and let me out. I know this void you are describing very good myself, i guess most of us here do. But you seem to have many goals you want to achieve plus deleting your accounts was a very good step as well i think so you dont get tempted. I wish you all the best ?
  13. Sie ist eine sehr formelle Anrede, Du kannst Du sagen ? Es gibt eine sehr lustige Serie namens Ost Boys auf Youtube, kennst Du die? ?
  14. Iam german. About what you want to chat? ? Btw i started to learn russian a while ago but its so difficult omg -_-
  15. I quit about 7 months ago and there is still craving but i found out it is triggered by certain things. I have bought a laptop so i dont have to use my gaming PC for normal internet stuff ect. But there are certain times i need something from this PC. Sitting at it alone with my gaming mouse in the hand triggers me. I then start watching my gaming recordings. Then the craving comes. And i need a lot of willpower to shut this down. I am now thinking of maybe selling the gaming PC so i dont get those triggers anymore. What i wanted to say is, craving is normal and everyone has a unique technique