HappyCat's log

[Cam Adair 5079]

Hope you feel better!

[Daniel 361]

Not only I believed I was happy by gaming away, I would get angry if I got interrupted on my plans to stay home playing all day. It's scary how an addiction can lead you to believe that you are happy by neglecting your own life, health and well being.

[HappyCat 172]

You're right. I remember being irritated by a phone call from my relatives when I was enthusiastically clearing the next dungeon, for example. I don't like to be interrupted of any activity, but gaming has more "itches" to return immediately.

 

Day 45

I'm mostly amoebed away this day. Might be the antibiotics, I dunno. Being called from work two times was not helpful. %) By the evening I finally took a healthy nap and then my oldes friend dropped by. That was great. We know each other for 20+ years but do not meet each other too often. (Which reminds me to call my relatives)

Desire to game some time away was strong today: it was hard to concentrate on reading, so most of the day was spent trying to sleep or mindlessly cheking the web. I wish I had an off switch on my body for days like this one) I feel much better now, I plan to take on more day to recover and actually read something this time.

Edited September 19, 2017 by HappyCat

[giblets 727]

Not only I believed I was happy by gaming away, I would get angry if I got interrupted on my plans to stay home playing all day. It's scary how an addiction can lead you to believe that you are happy by neglecting your own life, health and well being.

This is what got me started on the detox. I kept getting angry at my wife and son for interrupting me when I was in a raid or building something or doing a puzzle. I realised my priorities were all wrong. We should be getting angry from being distracted from spending time with them or doing tasks to progress ourselves!

[HappyCat 172]

Day 46 - Day 47

Doctors are refusing to let me off the sick list which is bad, but I got solid diagnosis and effective treatment, which is good. Got so much better after first procedure.

Things are a bit shaky at work, I am repeatedly called back. Without too much pressure, but for the second time this week. Luckily I can work at home. I should have stayed home to heal properly last time I got sick. Tbh, I decided to do it this time because I got sick just two months after previous time. I hope I'd see my family this weekend: I miss my son and wife, and I am turning 30 soon. 

 

Gaming-related notes: I picked up the VN I was waiting for and I really like first 1.5 hours of reading. Combine me some mechs, anime girls and deep sci-fi plot, then I'm in) More seriosuly, I do want to play some platformers I was mostly reading popular science book name "Someone is wrong in the internet" or reading VN I mentioned earlier. Did some studyuing yesterday too, but not as much as I wished to.

 

[HappyCat 172]

Day 48

I went to another procedure today. This procedure mostly have to do with uncluttering my frontal sinus. Actually did solid 5 hours of work finishing one of the lingering tasks today. Then my energy went out( I feel a bit on edge not working while others do, including one of my friends who's also sick. Well, he's in totally different business, but this makes me kind of on endge and feeling guilty. I don't think forcing myself to work would benefit me OR project at this point but the feelings stays.

Got early birthday present today. Now I can afford... well, some triggering-at-this-forum stuff) Two months ago I would probably immediately but it, now I'm thinking about investing into qualiy bicycle clothes to continue riding to subway all the way till snow. Dunno. Can't quite figure out how to invest it atm.

Gaming-related notes: Discussed that "triggering hardware" with a friend of mine. He's gaming a lot at his vacation but even the he says his console mostly collects dust and that's given at our age. Yeah, I guess he's right. Thing is, I can't figure out how to make time to some of the hobbies that were meaningfull to me, socail and skill-based at the same time. Most of the time when I tried to return to them I had problems maintaing my skill given the ammount of free time. I thinkg I should reconsider how exactly I spend time I have and rearrange it into bigger chunks (to play Go) or more frequent chunks (to practive melodica).

[Daniel 361]

Triggering hardward? *Runs*

[HappyCat 172]

Okay, I actually meant Nintendo Switch. I doubt it's gonna haunt you.  

[giblets 727]

Would you consider investing your spare money in something that would help these other hobbies you want to achieve? I don't know anything about Go, but is there something that would make you better?

I think any investment in technology if it is new seems to be a waste, as it depreciates so quickly. For example, a laptop I wanted to buy about three months ago for $800 but didn't because my credit card bill was too high, is now down to $580. That is a big loss in less than a year. You'll get more value out of buying something second hand or a year or so older. In this case, the Switch, it is only going to go down in value, so I think buying it won't be a good idea.

[HappyCat 172]

@giblets,  I do consider it, but can't come up with any good idea yet. I mostly need soare time for these hobbies, not equipment.  

[HappyCat 172]

Maybe...

[HappyCat 172]

Day 49

Yesterday I turned 30. This was truly interesting year: I switched to a new project, my son was born, and I entered the detox. My son is the grandest change, now I am mindful that he will inherit not just what our family acquire, but a plentiful of habits as well. Which strongly reminds me of reflective parenting by Phil Haack.

Yesterday evening I found myself ruminating on what to do with gift money. Yes, again. %) After I thought about melodica I started thinking that I might have too little time to improve myself and band together with my friend who (conviniently) are switching to ukulele from bass. It went on long enought which made me realise that all my game-, book-, whatever-choosing is about "overoptimization obsession", especially when it comes to time. Irony is that I actually lose more time than I win exactly because of trying to optimize.

I do understand where it comes throught: my last year in school and two first years in university was really hard for me. I barely had time to rest well, so fear to lose time or fear to get too tired stood with me. About time I deal with it, I guess)

Damn, I hope I don't look like total smug after this entry... ^^'

[Daniel 361]

Use the money to free more of your own time? 

[HappyCat 172]

@Daniel, I wish I could. Most of things that eat up my free time can't be solved with with money. Other than moving near office.

 

Day 50 (END)

After realising that core problem is overoptimisation I decided to stop this experiment. However, I plan to continue this log to monitor whether or not I would spiral into gaming or searching. Hobby-related: I mostly think of recording melodica video and how to organize it: microphone, accompaniment and so on. Too bad my electric piano is at the countryhouse now,

I actually played yesterday for 2 or 2.5 hours and felt that it was too much. I mean I felt "overgamed" not just thought that I should not play anymore. Had my first go match in half of a year. Played against someone who had his first match in 6 years)

[Cam Adair 5079]

Happy belated, @HappyCat!

[HappyCat 172]

September 25

Tired. Half day spent working, another half spent visiting clinic two times. Finished another sci-pop book. Currently spending time selecting tune for first melodica video. Maybe I'll find suitable arrangements of Soramim Cake or Raspberry Heaven)

Time spent playing today: 9 minutes

Edited September 25, 2017 by HappyCat
date

[Vlad 338]

Happy belated Birthday, man!)

[HappyCat 172]

September 26

First full day at work after the sickness. Worked out the problem that stuck before I got sick. That felt good) Since I am staying at parents' home for the time being I am taking opportunity of additional time to get proper sleep. Played another go match today: this one took almost 50 minutes. I lost by a normal margin, not disentegraded. It's good that my skills are not as rusty I feared.

Time spent playing videogames: 4 or 5 minutes.

[HappyCat 172]

September 27

Mostly quiet day at work. One of my best friends dropped by this evening and I met a neighbor today. We became acquainted long time ago due to being dog owners. It was good to talk to him again since I rarerly visit this neighborhood after moving away.

We talked with the friend for almost 3.5 hours. Caughting up while I can)

 

Grateful corner: returning health, my friend, my mother

Time spent playing videogames: none

Achievements: figuring out particulary complicated piece of system

Things I could do better: less procrastinating figuring out aforementioned piece.

[Daniel 361]

*brainstorms idea*

*Writes an ebook* 

"How to stop procastinating"

*Becomes millionaire*

[HappyCat 172]

@Daniel the thing is you need to stop procrastinating to write ebook) 

September 28

Odd day at work. Got task to "figure out something somehow". Arranged to finally sell a 3ds game I definitely won't finish even if I binge on long vacation. Stayed a bit late at work because we had network problems.

Had fun playing just for 20 minutes after evening practice test. It was enough which implies I don't really need expensive games or consoles.  

 

Grateful corner: collegue who brought a pack of black tea; forum that remembers text after browser crash

Achievements: 95% at exam practice test

Time spent playing videogames: 20 minutes

Things I could do better: learn not to be discouraged by odd tasks easily

[HappyCat 172]

September 29

Hard day at work. "Figure out something somehow" continued, had to spend around 80 minutes on phone discussing various tasks.

On a bright sight, I had interesting evening. I got stuck on one train carriage platform with trip group. They were fun. Heard girls discussed being depressed because if 20th ir 21st birthday. I giggled but decided to not to comment it)

My son is very energetic this evening. So much that we have trouble getting him to enter his night sleep. But he smiles a lot which makes us happy. 

Time spent playing: none

Grateful corner: my family

Things I could do better: use CBT skills to soften work stresd

Achievements: talking to strangers, nursing my kid while my wife wad busy

 

[HappyCat 172]

September 30

Slow day. My son slept bad, so did we. I was slow most of the day because it's hard to fall asleep deliberately. I failed to make myself study and was spent before 10pm.

We had guests, my parents and a friend of family. My son amazed me: he learned to pull himself with one hand while pushing up using another one.

 

Time spent playing: 1 hour

Grateful corner: my family

Things I could do better: learn to fall asleep immediately under any circumstances) 

Achievements: playinh with my kid (pretty common, but he likes it and we both learn new ways to interact with "outside world") 

[HappyCat 172]

October 1

Mostly same as saturday, but no guests. Did about hour of studies which is not bad consider my sleep deprivation. Continued to read current VN and current book.

Sleep deprivation sometimes leads to procrastinating instead of studying. Better to break that circle by taking a nap.

 

Time spent playing: 1 hour

Grateful corner: my family

Things I could do better: less net surfing

Achievements: actually studying in that state, cleared up few topics

[WorkInProgress 1804]

Good job taking the time studying. If our exhausted this counts double.