HappyCat's log

[HappyCat]

Greetins, fellow quitters. Here be my log) For the most part my problem is not the time spent playing, but time spent trying to find a game that I would like and that I'd be able to play on the road. Too much time commuting to/from work and a 4 month old kid takes most of the time. Obsession to find "the next good game" doesn't really help because I'm not even playing, I am worrying about my choice instead.

Day 1: Registering on GameQuitter subreddit, cleared most of installed games. Cancelled varios gaming-related subsciptions.

Good thing that I didn't run any or looked through review of any game. Basically at this pointI want to try 90 days detox and see if my obsession ot find/fear to miss games would hold after that.

[Cam Adair]

Welcome! Good job starting your journal. 

[Vlad]

Welcome aboard)

[Mettermrck]

Hi, Happycat, welcome! You've made a good choice starting your detox.

[giblets]

I know that feeling with a young family! Try to think about what else you could use your time on the commute for - sleeping, listening to podcasts, or researching how you can better support/help your kid!

[HappyCat]

Thanks, everyone. Most of the time I sleep or read. I am going through actual detox now - food poisoning - let's see how it overlaps) 

[Guest]

I had food poisoning too recently, and it's one hellish experience. Hope you recover soon and that it's not a particularly severe strain of food poisoning. You can never be too careful during summer. 

[HappyCat]

It's not that bad, at least not now. Anyway,

Day 2

Most of my day was spent between going to clinic and working from home. Aside from some unfortunate tasks like "improve god-know-what mechanism urgently" it was well. Well, I do felt anxiety about it and I am gonna work on it. Time to remember some CBT techniques, I guess)

I had frequent thought about games I could have been playing insteam of game detoxing or looking for a better game. (Hello, certain indie platforming) I feel impulse too look up some trailers or do a quick run as sort of itch, but it's mostly fine. I made it with little to no gaming in my junior university years, so it'll pass too.

In recent years when I was non-playing due to various life circumstances it usually peaked around day 5. Now I really want to see it eventually decreasing without playing.

Now I'm off to some tea and some reading.

[Daniel]

Hey man, keep going. Have you tried listening for audiobooks during commute? I remember that during a time I used buddhist podcasts and zen stories for relaxation. 
Are you raising your son by yourself?

[HappyCat]

Actually, right now my son and wif are living in countryhouse with her parents. We decided it's better for him in the summer. He screams a lot less on fresh air.

That being said I spent 3 of 7 evenings there: Friday and weekend.

 

I never tried audiobooks, maybe I will. Maybe because I am quick reader.  I do listen music or podcasts sometimes. 

[giblets]

He screams a lot less on fresh air.

This! Sign of a parent and the inevitable running out of patience 

You can get apps that speed up the playback of audiobooks/podcasts if that helps. I usually have my podcasts on 2.0x speed and audiobooks on 2.5x speed. I think you can go all the way up to about 5.0x, but I sincerely doubt anyone would be able to understand that!

I've battled a fair bit with anxiety if you want to talk about it!

Edited August 7, 2017 by giblets

[HappyCat]

@giblets, thanks. I'll keep it in mind.

[HappyCat]

Day 3

Kind of a mixed bag for me, but not  because of gaming. Working while on sick-list is uncool. Medicaly speaking I am not dying, I just hate the state of weakness. Had a lot of strange work tasks today, but hey, that a week before release for you) Looking forward to Friday and vising my family again. Aforementioned poisoing prevented me to visit them last weekend.

Gaming-related front: now I keep wondering why I was actively looking for a better games, instead of just playing. I even remembered games that I liked (but quickly became bored of) and wished to play them again. This procured some interesting vivid images in my head. Quite curious, but it was to be expected. (:

Now I spend considerable less time surfing gaming sites, from 20-60 minutes a day to 0, but also spend more time on just "interesting" things - mostly entertaining. Thankfully, not that much time I was wasting looking for reviews or just lists of games that can run on my tablet.

P.S. Trying to find "follow" button for separated topics, not just users. UPD: Nevemind, found it.

Edited August 8, 2017 by HappyCat

[Mettermrck]

It's amazing how much free time you find when you step away not just from playing games, but shopping, strategizing, and watching them. That's great, Happycat.

[HappyCat]

@Mettermrck, it is. I sometimes noticed it while I was still playing. Some evenings I had time to play just because I immediately closed Steam shop section.  

[HappyCat]

Day 4

Pretty long day. I'm officially off the sick-list which means full-fledged day at the office. Spent a lot of trying to figure out which part trigger behaviour I needed to test. Courtesy of big team with semi-closed source code)

After work I finally bought wires and solder to fix my DDR pad. Don't worry, I just don't have enough stamina to play it for hours. It helps to unclutter my mind after especially hard days in the office. Then I went to buy little presents to bring to the countryhouse this Friday.

I am starting to get thoughts like "I could just play a bit. My problem's not the playing itself, right?" Well, my problem is no-gaming anxiety, so "no,  thanks")

Maintaining this journal is interesting task itself. Two points: 1. I am disclosing much about myself. Maybe more than I should. 2. Reverse translation is a hard task. I am much more used to consume content in English than to generate it.

 

[Mettermrck]

I'm showing my age...when I saw "DDR", I first thought "Deutsche Demokratische Republik (East Germany)" and only second "Dance Dance Revolution". That's what happens when you grow up in the Cold War. ?

Your English is excellent, btw, tovarisch.

Edited August 9, 2017 by Mettermrck

[HappyCat]

Thanks. I thought you would think of memory modules) Never heard GDR's name in it's original form. 

[HappyCat]

Day 5

Somewhat uneventful day: I mostly did one big complicated task at the office for the whole day, but at least it's mostly done. I feel more collected these past few days. I think not agitating myself via gaming helps.

Had an interesting therapy session today: we actually talked about this "trying to choose ideal game" subject. Looks like it mostly have to do with my wish to always be an "attaboy". In this case: to make the best choice possible. Playing the game I already am bored of just to "finish one more level" grows from the same wish. I should reflected on where and when I actually need to be an attaboy, if at all.

[Mettermrck]

Now when you say "to be an attaboy", what do you mean? Always saying 'attaboy' to others? I'm glad the agitation is getting easier for you. That was huge for me.

[HappyCat]

I mean always doing things that makes me worthwhile for... well, mostly everyone and that's the problem. %)

[Daniel]

Are you seeing a therapist? what is his approach?

[HappyCat]

Yes, I do. He's using CBT approach, so I basically am studying how to deconstruct thoughts and check whether they are practical and realistic.

[HappyCat]

I think I need to clarify connection between being a "good boy" and choosing or completing games. Frankly, I don't think previous log entry made sense to anyone) "I have to be good at what I do", "I am a gamer" leads to "I have to complete my games" and "I have to choose best ones possible". 

 

Day 6

Another long day with long tasks. Feeling lije a juggler trying not to make the system crumble while making "big urgent changes".

Finished another match in online correspondence Go tournament. It was labeled "weekly MacMahon" but already lasted more than year)

Looked up nintendo site, didn't get much urges or emotions out of it. Later saw an article about using Starcraft to train AI and felt a strong desire  to finish at least the first story campaign.

Right now I am sitting near my (sleepy) family and too tired to really want to play anything. 

[Mettermrck]

I like being too tired to mess up as well, especially if you've worn yourself out with productive activity.