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kortheo

My Journal - Travis

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You're digging in all the right areas. Thanks for sharing man. :)

Thanks. Yeah. It is digging all right. It's work. But so worth it.

 

Day 128

Random assortment of thoughts for the day:

  • My hip flexors hurt like hell from that workout on Sunday. Dear god. Aggghg. Okay. At least I have a desk job where I can sit all day.
  • I've been sleeping much better the past few days, about a week after quitting caffeine. I had one green tea and one soda in the past week but that was all; pretty inconsequential. I fall asleep much easier and sleep much more soundly, and I'm starting to wake up just before my alarm, and I have more energy in the morning when I get up. All in all... feels great. I don't think coffee is really compatible with me, at least on a regular basis.
  • I'll do a review at the end of the month, but I have to say that January is going quite well for me. I'm actually exceeding my expectations on goals that I had planned for myself. More detail to come!
  • @karpet Btw, I ordered some Barley tea on amazon and I'm liking it. Definitely a different taste, but a pleasant alternative to coffee.
  • I made enchiladas last night for the first time. It was fun! I even made my own sauce. They turned out really great - for the first time in my life I'm learning to enjoy cooking instead of viewing it as a chore. I'm saving a lot of money because I bring my lunch to work every day, as I've always aspired to. I highly recommend budgetbytes.com for simple but tasty and cheap meals.

Reflections on my journey

I'll say something about games, since I haven't actually talked about them in a while now. Looking back at the beginning of my journal is interesting. Day 1, I committed to a 90 day detox. Day 11, I started Respawn and uninstalled/deleted all my games. Day 92 (I think), I followed through and actually deleted all my gaming accounts, truly quitting games for good. Somewhere around Day 110 or so I stopped having urges. I'm sure urges will happen in the future, in certain situations, but I haven't had them lately.

And where am I now? Well, I don't think about games much anymore. My life is actually pretty busy these days, so I don't have a ton of down time where I'm bored and would want to play them or seek them out. The free time I have at home is consumed cooking or with chores or reading. It's just not something in my life anymore, so it doesn't occur to me.

Where am I heading? Well, I continue to work on myself in myriad ways. That's kind of my plan at the moment. I'm picking areas of my life that I want to improve and choosing a daily, weekly, or monthly way to work on it as appropriate. Life becomes the game - your sense of measurable progress gets transferred from games to the real world. Ditto your sense of challenge. Immersion or escapism can be found in healthier avenues if you want it - novels, movies, etc - or fulfilled in an alternative manner with something like meditation. And ultimately the social aspect of gaming will pale in comparison to actually having a social life, once you develop it.

One thing on my mind lately is that sometimes it's hard to tell when you're making progress, or just stagnating. Sometimes change happens too slowly to notice until later. Like, I might wonder if I've plateaued or if I'm still climbing. The past week or two I know I'm definitely making a lot of progress. My life has felt intense lately. But that wasn't always the case. Sometimes I'll post here and wonder what do to next, or what I'm getting out of it. I think that's probably inevitable. I think this might become more apparent after quitting games, or past the 90 day mark - once you've already past the more salient, obvious goal posts, it's less clear what you're supposed to do. But the truth of the matter is that I think I've had some of my most significant progress in the past 30-40 days. Just my observations. I admit I do feel a bit structureless without some discrete goal of #days to get to. My goals are now more about improving specific aspects of myself, like I said. But what the hell - just to throw something out there - I commit to getting through 2016 without gaming! That will give me something to keep me going throughout the months to come :). Who's with me?

Gratitude

  1. Learning to cook.
  2. Reading before bed.
  3. Mindfulness.
  4. Deep breaths.
  5. Everything coming together.

I like how you brought up that you're too preoccupied to have free time in which you are bored and might be compelled to game, especially how you can preoccupy yourself reading. I haven't actually sat down with an actual, PHYSICAL piece of reading material for ages, and I know it is supposed to be beneficial, but I've never felt motivated to read until I sucked it up and forced myself to open the book. It's not till then until I actually derive some form of entertainment from reading and motivation to KEEP reading, and those feelings disappear soon after I stop reading.

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I'm in for 2016! :^)

Yeaaaah!! xD Let's do it.

 

I like how you brought up that you're too preoccupied to have free time in which you are bored and might be compelled to game, especially how you can preoccupy yourself reading. I haven't actually sat down with an actual, PHYSICAL piece of reading material for ages, and I know it is supposed to be beneficial, but I've never felt motivated to read until I sucked it up and forced myself to open the book. It's not till then until I actually derive some form of entertainment from reading and motivation to KEEP reading, and those feelings disappear soon after I stop reading.

I know what you mean. No bones about it, reading takes effort. You have to make it a habit. Once you do, it becomes enjoyable. And my enthusiasm and enjoyment for it certainly comes and goes. I have to remind myself to do it. But it does get easier, and the more you do it the more you get out of it.

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Day 129

Last night I went and saw David Cross do standup in San Diego. It was sweet. It was the first show of his tour and a little rough around the edges (in a good way). Hilarious.

I live about an hour outside of SD in an area that's a bit more suburban. Going to SD is always interesting. It was nice to see so many people and so many young people, in particular. I liked it. For a while I've thought that "some day it would be nice to move down to SD" and this sort of made me realize that I actually really want to do that. I've never really lived in a true city and I want to experience that for a while.

Likewise I've been thinking about my job. I have a good job, I get paid well. But long term, is it what I want? Well, it's not in an area I would want to live. And it's not compatible to moving to SD. And there are things it doesn't have that I feel I need in a job (like coworkers who understand my work and who I can relate to and learn from). While I want to stay at my current job for a while longer, I think it's time I started getting a better sense of what else is out there and updating my resume, etc. Even just becoming more aware will give me a better sense of control. I really fell into where I'm at rather accidentally rather than as a result of conscious choice. It's time to be more intentional with this area of my life. A lot of people at my work tell me that I'm in a great position and I should stay - but that's from their perspective of being older and have different priorities. I'm young, and I need to go experience things still. Ironically this would be a great position for retirement benefits - well, I have a few decades before that happens, most likely.

I'm actually reminded of how I felt before I broke up with my girlfriend. On paper, it seemed great and I was worried I would be throwing something good away, even when it didn't quite feel right to me, and deep in my gut I knew I had to go eventually.

This all feels a little overwhelming and intimidating to me right now. Well, one step at a time, I guess.

Gratitude

  1. Having fun at the show last night.
  2. Sleep in this morning, just a little bit.
  3. Getting my vitamin D levels checked.
  4. Seeing a hummingbird from 2 feet away.
  5. Mating Grounds podcast.

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Day 130

I'm beginning to think more critically about my job and the social groups that I am a part of in my life.

I was listening to an episode of Mating Grounds and they were talking about being a member of groups and tribes. They defined groups as a set of people you see once in a while (say once a week) for a specific purpose, but if that purpose was gone tomorrow you probably wouldn't see or talk with most of them ever again. By contrast they defined tribes as a group of people who you talk to more often (several times a week or daily) who have a central role in your life and who you would keep talking to even if you lost whatever initial reason you had for interacting with them (your family is a tribe and you'll keep in touch with them, for example, or maybe a close group of friends, or if you had close business relationships in a startup or something, etc). In this episode they were advising someone to become a member of more tribes, to find people that you feel you have shared identity with.

At my last job, I had coworkers who I liked talking to and spending time with, and who I felt like I was part of a team with. I'd say the first 6-9 months were tough for me at that job because it was my first real job, and I was dealing with social anxiety, etc. But the last few months it all sort of fell into place and I felt like a part of a team there and given more time, I think I could have built some lasting relationships. It was nice to be able to talk about work with coworkers and vent frustrations together and accomplish things together. Point is though that I started to feel good going into work in the morning because I looked forward to the social interaction there. Unfortunately, I was on a 1 year contract there and it came to an abrupt end.

Contrasting that with my current job - I have no teammates because I am the only IT worker. No one truly understands what I do here, or at least not to the same degree that I do. I have some coworkers that I interact with, and they're good people, but they're all much older than me so it is difficult to relate to them. I work in a different county that I don't identify with and that I wouldn't want to live in. Most of my days are spent by myself doing behind the scenes IT stuff that no one sees or appreciates (they only see the tip of the iceberg, essentially). I have no IT mentors to learn from. In some ways I got the job that I was ready for - when I got this job I was isolated and not very social; it fit that lifestyle like a glove. Now that I'm getting more of a social life I'm realizing how alone I am in this position and it doesn't feel right.

The reality is that I could make an effort to socialize with my coworkers here more. And sometimes I do that, and it feels better. But it also feels like swimming upstream because they're almost all 10-40 years older and talk about their kids and retirement and what not. There are a couple younger employees who I get along well with, but I don't have many opportunities to interact with them. The other reality is that my being here is a choice. I'm reading a book on assertiveness right now which I'm liking a lot so far, and it's changing my perspective on some things. I'm sure I'll share more about that in the future. But I guess what my takeaway for the moment is, is that I am ultimately responsible for my circumstances. Not that there aren't things out of my control, because of course there are, but it's my choice to stay in this position. I can put out a resume and find another job where I work on a team and where I work with younger people and where people understand what I do and value my contributions. A place where I feel like I'm a part of a tribe. That would be nice to have again.

I think I've spent a lot of time rationalizing that this was a great job because it pays well and I'm getting a lot of great experience. In those ways it's true that it was a career opportunity. But I'm not currently happy here. I had a realization - if you have to try to convince yourself that you like something, that means you don't actually like it.

Change won't happen overnight, but I'm starting down a new path.

Gratitude

  1. Taking a leadership role at trivia last night.
  2. Paying attention to how I feel.
  3. Waking up 5 minutes before my alarm.
  4. Being mindful.
  5. Feeling calm.

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Day 131

Last night I went out to dinner with my family. It is rare for all of us to be eating together. It was really nice, and relaxing, and I felt very mindful and present. It made me feel like my family was normal, when frequently I don't feel that's the case these days. It felt like a significant evening. It was also at a Vietnamese place, and I had more knowledge of the food than anyone else, so I gave advice about it. It felt good to be able to help my family learn about a new cuisine.

Today it feels difficult to figure out what to talk about, even though I do this every day and always find something.

Well, I'm going to a lunch and learn event today to learn about Juniper network hardware :D. So I'm excited about that. It's at a brewery and I get free food and beer, and will get to chat with some consultants I work with. This evening I have a date - we're going mini-golfing and then getting dinner. Looking forward to that, too. I've been consistently busy lately... and it's great :D. Possibly the most consistently socially busy I've been in my life thus far.

I don't think I mentioned this in my journal yet, but somehow I managed to lose my Fitbit this week at work. I'm not sure how I managed to lose something literally strapped to my wrist, but I did. Anyway, losing it made me realize how much I love the damn thing and how naked I feel without it, so I immediately went out and bought another one, haha. Normalcy restored. I like it because it represents a lot of things I value - its minimalist, and has a subtle, matte design to it. It is a self-quantification device. It's a way of representing how I care about health. It motivates me to exercise more. It helps me track if I'm sleeping enough. And, well, it's nice to have a time-keeping device on your wrist :). I prefer it to a smartwatch, because it doesn't have any other features, so it's less distracting. All in all, very satisfied with the thing.

That's all for now.

Gratitude

  1. Dinner with family last night.
  2. Remembering to be present.
  3. Progress on work projects.
  4. A clean sheet of paper.
  5. Chamomile tea.

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Day 132

Went to my meditation group this morning, where I untangled some of the thoughts in my head. I feel uncomfortable there sometimes, but I'm getting better at noticing when I experiencing an uncomfortable emotion and reflexively moving away from it. This kind of discomfort is important because it is pointing the way to unresolved insecurities. So, I'm getting better at sitting with it and following it instead of running away from it, and growing as a result.

I'm not sure if I should keep seeing the person I'm dating or not. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with them, mixed together with the good parts. But I'm not sure if it's the above kind of discomfort that I will grow from working through, or a kind of discomfort that means it would be healthier to distance myself.

I'm reading a workbook on assertiveness and it's quickly changing my mindset. I'm becoming more aware of when I'm doing things because I want to vs doing them because I feel socially pressured to. An example is drinking - I don't usually like to drink, only on certain occasions. But sometimes it's socially expected. Yesterday I realized that I didn't want to, so I just had a soda instead. No one cared, and I felt more comfortable and better about myself.

I'm finally starting to get used to having a social life. I usually at least do one social thing per day now, in some form. Today, it's going to be 4 social things - meditation group, went and saw my family for a bit, Skyping with a friend later, hanging out with a friend tonight. In my old life this would have been unheard of. For a while it has felt like walking a tightrope... like I wouldn't be a able to sustain it, like I'll fall. But that hasn't happened yet, so I'm starting to believe that I can actually do it, for the first time.

Have a nice day everybody.

Gratitude

  1. "Soft Saturday" mornings.
  2. Google Music.
  3. Decaf.
  4. My paper shredder.
  5. My sister's dogs.
Edited by kortheo

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I'm not sure if I should keep seeing the person I'm dating or not. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with them, mixed together with the good parts. But I'm not sure if it's the above kind of discomfort that I will grow from working through, or a kind of discomfort that means it would be healthier to distance myself.

There's good and bad parts to every relationship.  But the beginning of a relationship is usually where it's easiest to overlook someone's flaws.  The fact that your uncomfortable this early on, is a red flag.  Maybe whatever is making you uncomfortable is a sign that you two are not compatible.  Or maybe it means you're not quite over your ex yet.  Without more information these are just guesses.  Whichever way it is, when it comes to relationships, trusting your gut is often the best way to go.

P.s. Your use of pronouns for this person is interesting...

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I'm not sure if I should keep seeing the person I'm dating or not. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with them, mixed together with the good parts. But I'm not sure if it's the above kind of discomfort that I will grow from working through, or a kind of discomfort that means it would be healthier to distance myself.

There's good and bad parts to every relationship.  But the beginning of a relationship is usually where it's easiest to overlook someone's flaws.  The fact that your uncomfortable this early on, is a red flag.  Maybe whatever is making you uncomfortable is a sign that you two are not compatible.  Or maybe it means you're not quite over your ex yet.  Without more information these are just guesses.  Whichever way it is, when it comes to relationships, trusting your gut is often the best way to go.

P.s. Your use of pronouns for this person is interesting...

Hah, well, with respect to pronouns - I think I'm just a bit self-conscious talking about my personal life in much detail so I just make it as vague as possible. Even though I'm self-conscious I talk about it because if it's on my mind it feels good to get it out of my head.

I would normally agree with what you're saying about red flags and such, if I were looking for a relationship. But I don't have a "relationship" with this person exactly - it's more of a casual thing. I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment. I'm still new to this sort of thing, so I'm learning. If I were looking for long-term partner then yes, this would be grounds to stop seeing them. And it still might be. But in the context of just seeing them occasionally and having fun, I'm trying to figure out how my criteria differ from someone I would want as a girlfriend, say. It's also possible that what I'm uncomfortable about just might require a conversation and then the matter may be able to be resolved, etc. It's a learning experience. I know this is still vague, but I'm also not looking for advice - just putting my life onto paper, if you will.

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Day 133

I had a great morning. Woke up early, went for a jog, showered, did laundry, planned meals, shopped, cooked, and ate - all before noon! I feel great about being productive and efficient.

Going to have a short entry today. Going to put my effort towards journaling privately. It's rainy here and a great day for warm foods indoors, and reading.

Have a nice one everybody.

Gratitude

  1. Budgetbytes.com - the best recipes!
  2. Adagio Spearmint tea.
  3. Rain.
  4. My Kindle.
  5. Quiet.

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January Goals - Month in Review
January was a very good month for me. I didn't meet all of my goals perfectly, but I came pretty close! I also accomplished more goals than I had originally set for myself, so it more than makes up for where I missed the mark. I had originally only expected to make progress on goals 1 and 2; I really underestimated myself.
  1. My main goal for January was to attend 4 Sunday fitness bootcamp sessions. I attended 3 - (75% Success)
  2. I also aimed to read 3 books this month. I did - (100% Success)
      • Book 1: The King In Yellow
      • Book 2: This Will Make You Smarter
      • Book 3: The Mindbody Prescription
  3. I'm very fortunate that I'm in a position to save a large chunk of my income. I aimed to save 50% this month, and I managed to save 46% (92% Success).
  4. As a bonus goal, I aimed to plan meals, shop, and cook enough food for the whole week, each week. I did this 4/4 weeks. This was delightful land unexpected. (100% Success)
  5. As a bonus goal, I aimed to write 1 blog post per week. This never really got off the ground and I only wrote one this month (25% Success).
Very satisfied with the new habits that I've formed here - cooking has been healthy and delicious and fun, and has allowed me to approach my savings goals since I'm not eating out so much. The pace I've set with reading will allow me to meet my year goal for reading 36 books. I also accomplished some other goals, such as - implementing The Secret Weapon in Evernote as my productivity system for work and life, continuing to date, and maintaining an active social life.
 
Since I more or less managed to accomplish these, going forward these goals will be staple goals for each month to maintain as habits:
  1. Attend 4 fitness bootcamps. (Physical)
  2. Read 3 books. (Mental)
  3. Save 50% of income. (Financial)
  4. Plan meals, shop, and cook each week. (Food)
The physical goal may change in the future (after I get tired of this bootcamp, I'm going to look into Jiu Jitsu, etc), but the rest will stay similar. I go back and forth on the writing goal because I feel I write so much on the forum and in my private journal that I don't feel I want to write any more at the moment.
 
Looking to February, I'm going to also add the following goals:
  1. Attend 1 volunteering event. (Contribution) (I feel I need to practice giving to others more)
  2. No coffee all month (Something I'm already doing, but want to be held accountable to)
  3. Average 8 hours of sleep per night (Health)
  4. Read 4 chapters of a work-related professional IT book. (Professional Development)

For completeness sake, here are my current daily/multiple times per week habits that I track with Coach.me:

  • Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Game-Quitter's Journal 
  • 5 Minute Journal
  • Drink Water
  • Read
  • Do Something Social

This is probably the most consistent success I've had with a goals system thus far in my life. I couldn't manage to keep any of this up if I were still gaming. It is quite striking.

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Day 134

A podcast I was listening to today had a conversation between a young guy trying to figure out what he wanted to do in life, and an older guy giving him advice. They talked about career and lifestyle. Older guy pointed out to younger guy that he deserved a job that he enjoyed, that he found meaningful. That he deserved to have a lifestyle that suited his needs. That he didn't have to endure crappy things just to get by. The younger guy had unconscious beliefs that the best he could hope for was to endure and maybe have things get a little bit better. But to imagine that he could build a life where everything was actually just good and it didn't have to be a struggle... this was a paradigm shift for him. At first, when asked what his goals were they were very modest, because he didn't allow himself to dream bigger.

As a listener, I was fully in the younger guy's shoes. It's made me realize how much I am grateful for the job I have, but also how trapped I feel because I don't feel like I'd ever be able to find something else good if I left, because I don't deserve it. That there's no way I could actively build my life and create something that didn't require struggle or endurance to get through the day sometimes. That what I have now is the best I could hope for.

Obviously everyone has bad days and life isn't always easy. But this podcast has gears in my head turning about my mindset, about my sense of what is possible, about what I tell myself I am allowed to have. I can have more than I realized.

Gratitude

  1. Rainy, windy weather.
  2. Tea.
  3. Staying calm amid stressful coworkers.
  4. Quiet morning.
  5. Worrying less.

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Your post reminds me of a Great poem written by Jessie B. Rittenhouse!

I bargained with life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.

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Enjoyed the words you posted in your journals. Hope to read more in the future.

   Like what you said how entertainment is supposed to be fun, but when are life is that specific entertainment we no longer have fun. I think one could compare this to "you are what you eat". So depending on what we consume weither that be information or food. Too much depending on the context can lead to lack of something else that becomes unhealthy for that individual. One example I can think of is a person works all the time for his family, but doesn't make/give  time with his family.

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Day 135

I recently learned about the "perfect day" exercise, where you basically sit down and imagine and write out what the perfect day for you would be. Who would you have in your life? What would you do? How would your morning routine be? What would your job be? What would you eat? Etc.

I did it last night. It was extremely difficult for me. I had such psychological resistance to it that it almost felt painful to do it. I'm realizing that I'm very resistant to the idea that I deserve good things, or that I could be worthy of having things that would actually make me fully happy. So I end up with a life full of things that are "good enough", that will allow me to get by, but not without discomfort. I couldn't allow myself a life without discomfort, I don't deserve that. 

So obviously I want to change this mindset. But what makes anyone deserve anything? I have no idea. I don't even know what it means to deserve something. This is something that bothered me for a while actually. Maybe you have to earn it? As an example, I tend to think that CEOs that get huge bonuses that seem disproportionate to the value they actually provide don't deserve that money. What could they possibly do to provide an amount of value commensurate with that income? Just because an agreement is reached to grant them that much doesn't mean they actually deserve it. It seems like no human could ever earn that amount of worth, because our actions are so finite. Anyway, if that's right, then I guess the logic would be that I have to earn the right to have the life I want. But that also sounds kind of cruel - it seems that I should deserve to be happy, rather than having to earn the right to be happy. But if I allow myself to be happy without earning it, then I'll feel guilty for having something that I don't deserve. Haha. Around and around we go.

Your thoughts appreciated.

Gratitude

  1. A clean sheet of paper.
  2. Waking up before my alarm.
  3. 9 Hours of sleep!
  4. Being Marchosias' accountability partner.
  5. Feeling good this morning.

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Deserving is linked to the concept of ownership. In my opinion, you (us humans) don't deserve "anything", as you don't own anything given your temporal condition. Which is not the same as saying you deserve "nothing". You don't have to do anything in life if you so want. In the most extreme case you can even end it whenever you want. Society keeps telling us we have inherent responsibilities, and we commit to others  throughout our lives. 

You accept the first, you accept to comply to play by the rules. Which is not necesarily a bad thing, society has its cons but many pros too.

And you ultimately choose the second. Even if you thought it was a good idea and were pitifully wrong. Even if you were drunk.

So assuming everything has a value set of 0 (personal notion you can always disagree) you can arbitrarily set a value for your actions and ambitions. Which is absolutely great! It means wanting something is good reason enough for deserving it. Why would you give something you REALLY want any value less than infinite?
For some people it even means keep others from obtaining it or take it from their hands. I guess you won't be part of this group, but even then their actions would be logical (albeit ethically questionable). 

Stop feeling guilty, it's only your mind playing tricks. You deserve to want. If you want, you deserve.

Thanks for the "perfect day" exercise, I'll try it!

Edited by Hitaru

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I remember how, years ago, I must've been 25 or so, I told an acquaintance that we're both pathetic fuckers who should be glad that anything good happens to them at all. The only difference between us, I said, was that I'm aware of it and he isn't. Says a lot in what a wretched mental frame I was back then.

Income disparity is a difficult topic I don't claim to have an informed opinion on. I would say that there are certain jobs that only a limited amount of people can do. Jobs that are vital for functioning of companies (or societies), positions that contribute to their advancement or even survival on a very direct and personal level.

I'm not sure if we should even worry about what the income gap between a, say, CEO and a physical laborer is. While they're both working for the same cause, they exist on a completely different levels and in fact live in different worlds. If the CEO is paid well, and if that motivates him to do a great job, the worker will benefit from that as well -- if the company is in a good place, the chances of increasing workers' salaries are better.

On the other hand, I've seen many cases when companies were doing poorly, workers had to get by without being paid regularly (or at all), but their managers and owners continued to squeeze them for profit ... and even dared to show their faces in front of cameras without a hint of guilt. In my limited experience, these companies often had ties with the government that offered them financial aid too, so perhaps a case for libertarian, free market economy could be made here. But I don't know enough about economics to argue for it.

If I were trying to pass as a sort of a lifestyle guru, I'd rave about how you need to be your own personal CEO: You, inc. I think it's not a bad outlook to go with.

Since you're now a free business man who, from what I can tell from your journal, also has a moral sense, you're now entitled to everything you earn by engaging in free trade. Everything you gain is deserved by default.

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Day 136

Thanks for your responses guys. I've spent some time thinking about this in the last 24 hours. I think that the thinking on this topic that I've found most helpful is this: https://mrbashful.com/faqs-page-2/do-i-deserve-to-be-happy/

Basically, if as a human being I have a body, I am entitled to that body. Likewise I have a brain and I'm entitled to it and its capacities. Thus I am entitled to exercise my brain's capacity for happiness. 

It may take some work to figure out how to do that - to figure out what will make me happy. But if I want to be happy and my brain is capable of being happy, then I am worthy of that happiness.

Short entry today, gotta run.

Gratitude

  1. A job where no one complains or minds if I'm a little late.
  2. Feeling excited to learn.
  3. The way the light is hitting my monitor right now.
  4. Making progress on my goals.
  5. Social event tonight.

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Day 137

Feeling great this morning. I have some negative thoughts I would like to CBT away, but all in all, I'm feeling pretty good.

I've decided that I want to get my Microsoft Certified Solutions Associate (MSCA) for Windows Server 2012 R2. This consists of 3 exams and costs roughly $500 all together. Work would pay for it though, and it would be a way to increase my professional skills that directly relate to my job. It will be my first IT certification. I'm excited! I've heard the exams can be quite difficult. But that doesn't intimidate me too much. I've always been good at tests.

I went to trivia last night and tried to be a good listener and ask people questions rather than constantly thinking about what I wanted to say. It was good practice.

Hmm. That's all for now. Have a great day everyone!

Gratitude

  1. Making rooibos vanilla tea this morning.
  2. My last day of work this week.
  3. All the things I'm learning.
  4. Feeling excited about my career.
  5. That the trees around my house were trimmed, giving me more sunlight through my windows in the morning.

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Day 138

I met Cam last night! It was awesome. I have no pictures to prove it. But there was yoga and delicious food involved.

Our conversation clarified a few things for me about where I'm at in my life currently. 1) The fact that I lack clarity in where I'm going, or what my longer term goals are, 2) That the next thing I really need to work on is my mindset and internal attitudes, and 3) That my professional goals are probably next for me in terms of what I want to work on.

I'm not totally sure what my next steps will be, but talking with Cam gave me a sense that I can probably achieve more than I think I can. Hence the mindset stuff being an important thing for me to work on.

Fittingly we talked about how in terms of self-improvement, quitting games is relatively straight forward and can be put into a formula like Respawn. But once you get to that point of quitting, everyone's path is going to be much more individualized, and that's not always easy to figure out what the next steps are.

I'll close with a couple quotes today that really hit me this week from the 5 Minute Journal:

"There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming."

- Soren Kierkegaard

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

- Mark Twain

 

Gratitude

  1. Tackling problems first thing in the morning.
  2. Discovering a great new yoga studio last night.
  3. Spinning up a virtual server on my home PC for lab/learning purposes.
  4. My work paying for IT training for me.
  5. Plans with friends later.

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Day 137

I've decided that I want to get my Microsoft Certified Solutions Associate (MSCA) for Windows Server 2012 R2. This consists of 3 exams and costs roughly $500 all together. Work would pay for it though, and it would be a way to increase my professional skills that directly relate to my job. It will be my first IT certification. I'm excited! I've heard the exams can be quite difficult. But that doesn't intimidate me too much. I've always been good at tests.

Keep in mind that Linux certifications pay huge dividends. Professionals holding certifications like SUSE's Certified Linux Professional (CLP) and Red Hat Certified Engineer (RHCE) are highly sought after. A nice plus is that the competences you acquire by studying any Linux distribution can be easily transferred to others. Give it some thought and PM me if you want more info, I'll be happy to help.

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