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kortheo

My Journal - Travis

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Day 222

I've had an interesting couple of weeks. More dating thoughts.

  • Sometimes your relationship in person and via texting can be radically different, or at least feel that way. People have different texting styles and it's easy to misinterpret things, especially when you don't know the person all that well.
  • Sometimes people can be interested in you, but simply have higher priorities in their life. You kind of have to meet the person where they're at. If you prioritize them higher than they're prioritizing you, it's not going to go so well, and you're probably not going to feel great about it. I guess the bright side is that if things go well, your priority in their life can / probably will increase. Obviously people don't get invested right away (well, some do - I'm guilty of this - but it's not really healthy in most cases).
  • You definitely have to be consistent and open to new things, and not get too hooked one one person, as I said in a previous post. Easier said than done but I'm learning.
  • This morning in my 5 Minute Journal I saw this quote - "A Smooth Sea Never Made a Skillful Sailor". That really resonated. If something is hard, you will learn and grow from it - fair enough. To the extent that I am challenged in various emotional ways by dating, I am growing because of them and better able to handle these rough waters. I guess I usually associated this kind of notion with physical or intellectual skills, but now I'm realizing that it's perhaps doubly true for emotional intelligence and emotional resilience.
  • I often try to control uncomfortable situations by researching the living hell out of them. If knowledge is power, I unconsciously reason, then tons of knowledge is tons of power, and hence control. I'll google everything that comes to mind and try to figure out how to know everything about dating (or whatever the challenging thing is) so that I can master it and control it and not have to deal with all that uncomfortable uncertainty. But in this case, that's not actually possible. There is no internet article I can read that will tell me how to ensure the outcome I want from this life situation. In fact, there is probably no action I can take to accelerate the process to get what I want. The only thing I can do is wait until the time is right, and then have further experiences, which will give me more information to act on. And things just have to go at the pace they go at. You cannot force a process that takes time. You can't hack getting to know someone (actually you probably can make it more efficient, but ultimately, people take time to get to know, and it's a messy and complicated process at times).
  • With the above point in mind, the hardest, and yet most important thing for me to do right now is just sit and wait and chill. Sit with the feelings of discomfort I have and learn to be okay with them, instead of trying to escape them. Escaping them doesn't lead to any growth.
  • The fact that dating can be anxiety provoking means is a sign that it actually matters to me, that I care about what I'm doing and the people that I'm trying to connect with, and that there are real stakes here. It means I'm engaged with life in a real way. Which while appropriately scary in some ways, is ultimately a good sign - what I'm doing actually matters.

I hope everyone is having a great week!

Those are some really insightful thoughts about dating - the one that particularly resonates with me is bullet pt. 5. For the longest time I would do the same exact thing - Google, read, ask other people, etc. At the end of the day, like you said, it is impossible to figure someone out other than by interacting with them, and discovering who they are as a person. 

It would be awesome if you could figure out who was a sociopath, crazy, likely to cheat, right away -- there may be signs that can help you, but you'll never know for sure unless you try. And of course, there's the problem that people change over time (though some things stay the same). 

Life is messy :S

Totally. And another point I would add to my original point there is that even if you do everything "right" on your end - you present your best self on dates, you don't make any awkward mistakes, you maybe even impress them, make them laugh, connect with them - there's still no way to guarantee that they'll like you and want to keep going out with them. Even if they do like you, they might have extenuating circumstances or something that come up and you may not see them again. Ultimately the thing that you can't control in the situation is the other person's thoughts, feelings, and actions. All you can do is show up in the best way you can, and see where it goes. You have to accept your lack of control.

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It would be awesome if you could figure out who was a sociopath, crazy, likely to cheat, right away -- there may be signs that can help you, but you'll never know for sure unless you try. And of course, there's the problem that people change over time (though some things stay the same). 

Life is messy :S

How does it feel when you want to cheat in a game but there is no internet connection? How does it feel when you finally get the cheat? You use it and can't wait to do nasty things with it. You mess things up so much but its fun. Now you fool around a bit more and after 20 minutes you are fed up of this game. Why should you do some quests to get this new sword??? And this creature right there is not challenging anymore because 'godmode'...

We can transfer much knowledge from games into real life, bros

As kortheo said in his podcast...resistance and growth

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Day 225

Just finished the next episode of my podcast, check it out:

https://soundcloud.com/travis-kirk-992919435

I'm thinking of calling my podcast something like "Life / Science"; in this ep I have two main segments, one with observations about my life at the moment, or life in general, and then one about something related to science that I find interesting. Hope you enjoy.

Edited by kortheo

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Day 227

This week I'm focusing on getting back to basics. Once we start doing well, and get into an upward spiral, we feel that things are going really well so we lose the feeling that we need to continue pushing ourselves to do the things that got us there in the first place. We feel like we've earned the right to stop working for a bit and just enjoy the life we've created for ourselves.

This is well and good, and it's normal for habits to fluctuate; we are not robots that can perfectly execute habits like clockwork every day under every circumstance and mental state. Rather, you need to choose habits that are sustainable for you over the long run. And we certainly want to take time to enjoy our lives when they are going well. But, we shouldn't allow ourselves to slack off or to let our standards for ourselves to be violated. We need to keep up with the foundational behaviors that created all that goodness in the first place.

At the most fundamental for me, this includes good sleep habits, eating well, exercise, meditation, and journaling. If you commit to doing these every day, you'll have a solid foundation to build on. You'll feel healthy and fresh and ready to take on the day, and it will keep your mind clear and your anxieties at bay. It's from this state that you can tackle challenges at work and pursue activities in life that you find fulfilling, that allow you to live your potential.

It's important to be operating from this foundation, because if you lose it, you start to be a little less ambitious. As an example, if I didn't sleep well, suddenly going to Jiu Jitsu after work doesn't seem so appealing, because I'd rather nap. And if I don't go to Jiu Jitsu, then I don't improve, I miss out on social interaction, I don't gain a boost to my confidence from learning a new self-defense technique, and I don't feel as good about myself overall. It feels like a missed opportunity.

Sometimes we get thrown off balance by something that is legitimate. For example, maybe in order to socialize and have fun and connect with others, we go to a party and stay out late, and this throws off our sleep cycle. That's OK - there are tradeoffs in life, and having an active social life is maybe worth giving up that sleep. The key is to be aware of it and to minimize how that affects you. When I don't sleep well, I often find my appetite gets weird and suddenly I don't eat well either, and maybe if I went to a party I was drinking. Suddenly the next day you're tired, hungover, and feeling weak because you're not eating well. Not a great thing, and this can cascade in throwing off habits for a few days. Suddenly I'm not exercising or meditating or journaling because I don't have the energy or the willpower. Instead of going through this, do your best to get back on track right away - force yourself to eat healthy food, catch up on sleep as soon as possible. Also, think ahead - be mindful of how late you're staying out and if you're drinking, be mindful of how much, so that to minimize any negative future effects. You can thread the needle and do the things you want to do while also optimizing your healthy habits.

Stability and consistency are important. They allow us to be our best selves.

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Day 227

This week I'm focusing on getting back to basics. Once we start doing well, and get into an upward spiral, we feel that things are going really well so we lose the feeling that we need to continue pushing ourselves to do the things that got us there in the first place. We feel like we've earned the right to stop working for a bit and just enjoy the life we've created for ourselves.

This is well and good, and it's normal for habits to fluctuate; we are not robots that can perfectly execute habits like clockwork every day under every circumstance and mental state. Rather, you need to choose habits that are sustainable for you over the long run. And we certainly want to take time to enjoy our lives when they are going well. But, we shouldn't allow ourselves to slack off or to let our standards for ourselves to be violated. We need to keep up with the foundational behaviors that created all that goodness in the first place.

At the most fundamental for me, this includes good sleep habits, eating well, exercise, meditation, and journaling. If you commit to doing these every day, you'll have a solid foundation to build on. You'll feel healthy and fresh and ready to take on the day, and it will keep your mind clear and your anxieties at bay. It's from this state that you can tackle challenges at work and pursue activities in life that you find fulfilling, that allow you to live your potential.

It's important to be operating from this foundation, because if you lose it, you start to be a little less ambitious. As an example, if I didn't sleep well, suddenly going to Jiu Jitsu after work doesn't seem so appealing, because I'd rather nap. And if I don't go to Jiu Jitsu, then I don't improve, I miss out on social interaction, I don't gain a boost to my confidence from learning a new self-defense technique, and I don't feel as good about myself overall. It feels like a missed opportunity.

Sometimes we get thrown off balance by something that is legitimate. For example, maybe in order to socialize and have fun and connect with others, we go to a party and stay out late, and this throws off our sleep cycle. That's OK - there are tradeoffs in life, and having an active social life is maybe worth giving up that sleep. The key is to be aware of it and to minimize how that affects you. When I don't sleep well, I often find my appetite gets weird and suddenly I don't eat well either, and maybe if I went to a party I was drinking. Suddenly the next day you're tired, hungover, and feeling weak because you're not eating well. Not a great thing, and this can cascade in throwing off habits for a few days. Suddenly I'm not exercising or meditating or journaling because I don't have the energy or the willpower. Instead of going through this, do your best to get back on track right away - force yourself to eat healthy food, catch up on sleep as soon as possible. Also, think ahead - be mindful of how late you're staying out and if you're drinking, be mindful of how much, so that to minimize any negative future effects. You can thread the needle and do the things you want to do while also optimizing your healthy habits.

Stability and consistency are important. They allow us to be our best selves.

Quoted to encourage everyone to read this post more than once. :)

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This is a wonderful thread, Travis.  I like how you emphasized 'mindfulness' of one's body, one's sleep schedule, and one's energy.  It really helps others to identify underlying reasons why they might be falling back on maintaining good habits.  Thanks so much for adding this!

Edited by Dannigan

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This is a wonderful thread, Travis.  I like how you emphasized 'mindfulness' of one's body, one's sleep schedule, and one's energy.  It really helps others to identify underlying reasons why they might be falling back on maintaining good habits.  Thanks so much for adding this!

I apologize if I am hijacking your thread, but I really feel a need to post this additional thought. 

I suspect that there are people who game and also cope with mental illness.  I also think this can occur after a person immediately quits gaming.  This makes sense to me, as when the dopamine supply from gaming is suddenly eliminated, the brain goes into a type of 'starvation' mode, and ultimately a person's energy is sapped, or their optimism declines.  Their sleep is longer.  They have increased irritability.  Their relationships break down.  They want to isolate.  They can't even think of starting a goal, or keeping up with their goals.  Everything shuts down mentally.

A person with depression may have difficulty starting or continuing with goals, because often there is a lack of vitality, or anhedonia. 

Cam, if you're reading this, I am not sure if you created a video at all about potential symptoms of depression as a result of Detox?  I haven't perused all of your videos yet, but I think that it's worth looking into, and posting a video about it as well.  I think there may be an uncaptured demographic of gamers who also cope with mental illness, and that if they are reminded about coping skills, or links to medical websites, or just recognizing these symptoms, I believe that it would help people sustain their goal-setting, or realize that the stumbling block towards life fulfillment is actually an underlying depression affecting their ability to move forward.

Here is a link to one of my favourite TEDtalks and also a favorite writer:  Andrew Solomon.  I hope this helps anyone here who also copes with depression and anxiety. 

https://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share?language=en

Sincerely,

Dann

P.S.  As a long-time advocate for people with mental illness, I hope we all remove the stigma associated with it too.  :)  A person who is suffering from mental illness is not a weak human being who lacks willpower, but is somebody who needs increased supports and therapy to help them restore their vitality for life once again.  Peace, everyone!

Hey, no problem, thanks for the post! Discussions of mental illness in the context of gaming is something probably needs more time devoted to it. Indeed, an addiction is a mental health condition. I have struggled with both anxiety and depression in the past and I'm certain that my gaming was interconnected with it. And after you cut out gaming from your life, as you say, you're going to deal with withdrawals and feel fairly depressed.

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At the most fundamental for me, this includes good sleep habits, eating well, exercise, meditation, and journaling. If you commit to doing these every day, you'll have a solid foundation to build on. You'll feel healthy and fresh and ready to take on the day, and it will keep your mind clear and your anxieties at bay. It's from this state that you can tackle challenges at work and pursue activities in life that you find fulfilling, that allow you to live your potential.

It's important to be operating from this foundation, because if you lose it, you start to be a little less ambitious. As an example, if I didn't sleep well, suddenly going to Jiu

Stability and consistency are important. They allow us to be our best selves.

Quoted to encourage everyone to read this post more than once. :)

This is a much needed reminder for me, Kortheo.  Sleep, eating well, exercise, meditation, and journaling.  Currently, my sleeping pattern has improved, but not without all the other main elements such as the exercise, healthy eating, and meditation.  Yet, sleep has the strongest effect on all of these components, interestingly.  If I have lack of sleep, everything else is affected.  There was a study that mentioned that chronic lack of sleep actually increases our cortisol levels, the stress hormone, which then causes us to crave more carbohydrates, then we eat more, gain weight, feel less energy to exercise.  So, I often wonder if sleep is the underlying vehicle that truly helps us regulate our lives? 

Just a little food for thought!  You're really awesome, btw!  I have heard your first Podcast and am looking forward to hearing others in the future.  Thanks for being an inspiration on this forum!  :)

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[...]

This is a much needed reminder for me, Kortheo.  Sleep, eating well, exercise, meditation, and journaling.  Currently, my sleeping pattern has improved, but not without all the other main elements such as the exercise, healthy eating, and meditation.  Yet, sleep has the strongest effect on all of these components, interestingly.  If I have lack of sleep, everything else is affected.  There was a study that mentioned that chronic lack of sleep actually increases our cortisol levels, the stress hormone, which then causes us to crave more carbohydrates, then we eat more, gain weight, feel less energy to exercise.  So, I often wonder if sleep is the underlying vehicle that truly helps us regulate our lives? 

Just a little food for thought!  You're really awesome, btw!  I have heard your first Podcast and am looking forward to hearing others in the future.  Thanks for being an inspiration on this forum!  :)

Haha thank you for saying so. Thanks for reading, I hope I can continue to offer thoughts that others find valuable.

 

Day 229

So I'm about to go on another date. Before I go on dates, I take a moment to reflect on how I want to show up to the date to increase the chances of it going well, and to get the most out of it. I've spent a decent amount of time learning and thinking about this, but now I'm getting opportunities to apply it and practice it and learn, which is great! 

I think I can lay out some basic mindsets/principles that are appropriate in basically every case. I think you'll find that these will also apply to basically any time you're meeting someone new, or someone that you don't know all that well yet, not just in dating.

  1. Make having fun the goal. Even if you don't end up seeing the person again, if you aim to have fun, you won't be wasting your time. If you succeed in having fun, they will probably be having fun too, and then you have added value to their life because they got to spend time with a fun person. Obviously, this is attractive, too. This will also mean you're practicing your ability to have fun with people, which is a great skill in life. You may discover that having fun is easier than you thought, and this is a much harder goal to fail at than, say, getting another date or something. It can really take the pressure off of the situation.
  2. Learn something interesting about them. If you make this one of your goals, you'll be coming from a place of being interested in them, of curiosity, and wanting to discover things about them. This feels good to the other person, because people like when others are interested in them. But it's not meant to be manipulative or artificial - everyone has interesting things about them, and you both genuinely benefit from learning about each other in this situation. 
  3. Be an active listener; be present with them in the moment. Give the person you're with your full attention. It's easy for our minds (or eyes) to wander, or for us to get caught up in thinking about what we want to say next once they've finished talking, because we want to display our impressive selves to them; we want them to like us by how we come off. But if you're showing up this way, you can accidentally start to ignore what they're actually saying, because you're so caught up in what you're doing. If you stay present with them and what they're saying, and take the time to absorb it and think about it, and remember the details, they'll felt more heard, seen, understood, valued, appreciated, etc - which in the end is going to lead to more connection and attraction than the alternative.
  4. Try to understand their perspective. Basically, this is practicing empathy in a simple, everyday way. This basically requires that you do 3 effectively, but it's more than that. It can be hard to understand where people are coming from sometimes, especially if you don't know them well, or if you don't have must practice doing it. As you learn about them, if you can take a moment to piece together the information they provide you about themselves and get a sense of what their hopes, fears, dreams, concerns, irritations, joys, etc in life are you'll be in a much better position to not only understand them, but again, connect with them in a meaningful way. What you're doing is answering the question: what does this person care about, what matters to this person? And how can I use that to make this interaction better?

With that, I'm off. Have a good week everyone.

Edited by kortheo

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Day 233

I am not magically perfect just because I quit games and have been working on myself, and I need to make sure I remember this and prevent myself from slacking off. No matter how much we grow there will always be new challenges to overcome, and at no point can we stop doing the good habits that drive our health and our new lives after gaming. I have been journaling on my own, but I would benefit from continuing to journal here. Cam pointed out to me that not journaling here daily has prevented me from processing everything that has been happening in my life, and he is totally right. So it's time to recommit to this.

The fundamentals never stop being important, but I find as I go along that I experience them in different ways. When you first start working on having healthy habits, they're hard. It takes a lot of work to establish them. But as you commit to them eventually they become second nature and you can do them on autopilot. It's really cool when this happens. It means that your capacity for being who you want to be increases. When you start first it takes all your energy to do habit A (say exercising) but after a few months you can do A without nearly as much effort, and then you can add habit B (say eating healthy), so suddenly instead of having no healthy habits you have the capacity for A and B at the same time. It's like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.

I realize that there are a ton of people on this forum who are still struggling to quit gaming, and I realize I don't talk about gaming much anymore at all here, because the truth is that I just don't think about games anymore. That chapter of my life has closed. But I hope people can realize that it was never really the games that brought you here - it's the self-improvement. And that's all I write about here, really.

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed lately to be honest. I've taken on a lot of stuff in my life, much of which I didn't know if I could handle or not. I'm handling it, but it's wearing me out, so it's time to adjust. I have to drop some things, recommit to others, and keep steady with some. Ultimately I have to double down on what's working so that I get all the benefit. Doubling down on: BJJ, journaling, meditation, taking time for myself, sleep. Keeping steady with social commitments, dating, Meetup, family, work. Letting go of smaller things, like reading or keeping up with media, which was never much of a priority for me anyway, and letting go of some relationships that were just draining me but not giving me anything in return.

To anyone just starting out on a 90 day detox, realize that it's really just the beginning, the first chapter. Working on yourself in this way is the project of a lifetime, not a temporary thing.

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I am not magically perfect just because I quit games and have been working on myself

It's got to be said that perfection isn't easy of a goal.

What comes to feeling overwhelmed focusing on the exact fundamentals you pointed out has been really helpful for me! Sometimes it's just down to a good rest, friends and exercise. 

Keep it up Travis! :) 

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I am not magically perfect just because I quit games and have been working on myself

It's got to be said that perfection isn't easy of a goal.

What comes to feeling overwhelmed focusing on the exact fundamentals you pointed out has been really helpful for me! Sometimes it's just down to a good rest, friends and exercise. 

Keep it up Travis! :) 

Definitely. I was going to say that perfection isn't my goal, but I guess it actually probably was unconsciously based upon how I worded that. Good point that we shouldn't always feel that we need to be perfect.

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Day 233

 

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed lately to be honest. I've taken on a lot of stuff in my life, much of which I didn't know if I could handle or not. I'm handling it, but it's wearing me out, so it's time to adjust. I have to drop some things, recommit to others, and keep steady with some. Ultimately I have to double down on what's working so that I get all the benefit. Doubling down on: BJJ, journaling, meditation, taking time for myself, sleep. Keeping steady with social commitments, dating, Meetup, family, work. Letting go of smaller things, like reading or keeping up with media, which was never much of a priority for me anyway, and letting go of some relationships that were just draining me but not giving me anything in return.

To anyone just starting out on a 90 day detox, realize that it's really just the beginning, the first chapter. Working on yourself in this way is the project of a lifetime, not a temporary thing.

I can relate to the feeling overwhelmed part.

Some years ago, I used to be a part of many meetups on a weekly basis.  It didn't take me long to realize that I am not the sort of person to join three meet-up groups per week.  Over the years, I came to understand myself better, in regards to socializing.  I am introverted, which means I get drained when socializing for extended periods of time.  I have a low-energy aura, and I needed to listen to that, or my entire being would feel overwhelmed.  It actually manifested itself physically too, in that I'd become very fatigued, I'd get migraines, and it disrupted my sleep schedule drastically.  The ill-effects of over-socializing would last for days. 

So, in short, I instrumentally created a reasonable social calendar that is suitable to my personality and also level of energy.  It does need honing and adjusting every once in a while, but I never scold myself for skipping out on a social event if my body and mind are seriously exhausted, which in turn, affects my ability to concentrate at work, and ultimately makes me a miserable person to be around!  :)

Danni

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Day 234

I've not been great at practicing what I preach when it comes to sleep lately. I keep telling myself it's a priority and then it gets away from me for one reason or another. In this case it was mostly just insomnia, and I tried my best, but still, it's frustrating to not be able to get rest.

On the plus side I had a pretty spontaneous connection on OKC yesterday that led to a great date in the evening. So there's that! I'm starting to come to a point in my dating life where I'm feeling abundance; I don't feel nervous about the dating process as much because I'm having success, so I'm gaining confidence in that area.

Despite my tiredness I've overall done a pretty good job of focusing on work today. I also have a family thing to deal with later; I need to have a talk with my sister. We've kept rescheduling it but tonight it's going to finally happen, which is nice. It will be good to get it out of the way.

Feeling a little less overwhelmed, but both work and life have been pretty crazy lately. Someone told me at work today: "The reward for good work is more work." Which for me is a lived experience. I will keep trying to find balance.

T

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Hi Travis,

I've just been catching up on your journal and I'd like to say welcome back! I've also had a few reminders that quitting games doesn't magically make things work well in life, as you mentioned it's the start of an improving lifestyle.

Life is like a roller-coaster, after you've finished being overwhelmed and busy, there's sure to be time where you can relax.

Sounds like having a great dating life is something you derive confidence from, hopefully this will be helping you in other areas of your life with a ripple effect of confidence.

All the best for working things out with your family and it's great to have you back on board! :D

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Day 235

Hey Alex! Thanks, it's good to be back :). Yeah, I suppose you're right that dating is something I do derive confidence from. Some people meet their partner young and get married and are happy with that, and more power to them. In my case, I want to meet a lot of different people way before I even think about marriage, and learn about myself and others in the process. This process for me adds up to me owning my sexuality and romantic needs and being able to actively work towards getting what I want... and yeah, it's really important to me. So I'm really happy that it's something I feel like I'm figuring out for myself. I'm sure there are ripple effects. Right now for me it's less about finding a relationship, and more about being able to connect with new people and learning.

Life is like a roller-coaster! Although I think in some cases you need to actively make time for yourself. In feeling overwhelmed I feel like I'm losing a sense of control of things, which is very stressful. Normally I go to a trivia event tonight to see friends, but tonight I think I'm going to take time off for myself and just relax, journal, unplug, reflect, eat healthy food, get plenty of sleep, etc. I never used to understand the whole 'make time for yourself' thing because I was just never all that busy in the past, so I always just had that time by default. Now that I am busy enough where I don't have that time and it's starting to affect me negatively, I'm recognizing the need to just Do Less sometimes and actively prioritize time for yourself. Especially as an introvert, which I am.

The family talk went well, but it's just the start of a complicated family drama thing. I won't go into many details, but it should be something I grow as a result of. We have a family member with mental health problems and I find myself in a place of being the only person with much understanding of mental health issues. As a result I'm finding myself having to provide leadership on the issue which has never been a role I've been in before in my family dynamic. So, it's interesting.

We agree that quitting games isn't enough to make your life go well, and we also agree that you need to improve your lifestyle. But I think it goes beyond even that. There are mindsets that you must develop if you're going to be happy. No matter how great of a lifestyle you create for yourself, you will always have stressful and trying situations thrown at you at some point. It's how we respond to those situations that will often determine our mental health and our general outlook and stress level - and how we respond with habits, like meditating, exercise, etc.

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Day 236

I took time for myself last night and it was faaantastic.

I came home, went for a 30 minute run, showered, went grocery shopping and got a big ribeye steak, came home and pan-fried it in a cast iron skillet to a crispy-crusted medium-rare perfection. Instant-read probe meat thermometer ftw, 125-135F internal temp. Then devoured along with steamed broccoli. Then meditated for 20 minutes, and journaled for 30 minutes. Then slept early. I feel much better today than yesterday. I am, thankfully, not feeling tired today.

I also figured out my schedule for the next few days, which has me feeling a little less overwhelmed. Getting a grip on things again. I'm learning that even more so than having good habits, learning the skill of restarting all of those habits when you fall off them (which is inevitable and will happen again and again) is equally important. It's like in meditation when you have to learn to come back to the breath over and over again.

I'm basically giving myself permission to do what I need to do this week to take care of myself, and not blaming myself for skipping jiu jitsu or social events. Next week I start back 100% normal and on the ball. I may revise my schedule so that I have 2 nights per week all to myself so that I'm more balanced.

I also want to say that I love this community and that I'm glad to be back posting regularly. I've been working with Cam one on one but that is coming to a close in the next couple of weeks, so it will be good for me to keep in touch with the forum so that I'm still plugged into GameQuitters. Lives are being changed here and it's actually a privilege to see it and help and be helped. It's been great to see the new faces and catch up on old journals.

I changed my quote today to the Lao Tzu one because I've been feeling overwhelmed and rushed. But that's no way to live. We do want to challenge ourselves and push our comfort zone, but I think we should take our time and bite off an amount that is sustainable. Lately I've gone beyond that. As we grow though, we can handle more and more at once.

Edited by kortheo

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@kortheo I want to share gratitude to you - I have been reading your story from the beginning and your struggles with breaking up were really helpful to me - I am breaking up not with gf, but with legacy friend of many years.  

I also really like your gratitude journal points.  That's something I did for a day or two, but I want to Restart.  

Even just 23 days in, it feels like such an epic change.  I appreciate your journey, and that you're still learning things and finding other challenges.

Wish you well in the whole "struggle to end struggle" thing.

-ManGodWhyNo

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Day 237

Short post today. 

Watched a documentary on Scientology last night. It's even weirder than I thought. Can't wait for the Louie Theroux doc about it to finally be released.

Meeting someone for lunch today, going to a movie with another tonight, meeting with Cam this afternoon, and I should probably change my oil today. Busy busy.

Too much computer use this week, fingers going numb. Time to stop.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

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