BTW, has anyone ever experienced actual physical pain as a result of gaming withdrawal? I did last night, and it was worse than getting off booze. At least the intensity of pain, the duration was a lot shorter still. I guess the resulting anxiety can lead to very pronounced physical symptoms (Google says yes).

Great post! And no, I have no experience with physical pain related to withdrawal, but no doubts it's a real thing either.

Day 16: This Too Will Pass

People sometimes bless me with various self help truisms. They assume I'm unfamiliar with them due to my often aggressive tone.

That's not the case at all; I've read my fair share of self help, watched the videos, and discussed ideas. The only person that, at this point, regularly tells me something new is Leo Gura: his mental exercises are fucking amazing. I should post some here but not today.

My main problem with self help is that, ech, it's mostly aimed towards normal people. They don't really want to do any work, they don't want to challenge themselves, they just want to feel good. And so every motherfucking self help book will include the following:

- Verbose chapter 1 that basically just boast about how awesome the author is, how the book will change your life, and how the concepts he introduces are completely new and totally not the same rehashed shit you can read about for free. Also testimonials. It's a sales letter after sales letter that made you buy the book.

- The Most Common Mistake Everyone Makes When Moving to a Better Place! (this can be almost anything normal people live their lives like shit)

- Employ These 3 Weird Tricks to Improve Your Life Now! (make lists, positive visualization, take time off work because you're a baby boomer who works too much ofc)

- 50 Pages of Bullshit Stories About Random People Who Achieved Amazing And Unlikely Results! BE HYPED (no one cares)

- Use The Power of Habit to Make Your Neighbors Jealous! (wow building habits is a thing who knew)

- The Only Thing You Need to Know to Improve Relationship With Your Spouse! (wowe ist communication and not being codependent omg)

- 65 More Pages of Fucking Stories (don't you feel good now yeah yeah were really getting somewhere reading fiction wowe much inspire)

- The Amazing Power of Meditation (i fap to deepak chopra every day so hot. also meditation is beneficial big info right there)

- Choose Yourself! (this is legit advice that doesnt need an entire chapter to communicate. also youre a faggot whose wife will have sex with him once a month reluctantly)

- Fucking Stories Yet Again (whatever)

- Closing Thoughts (just have your cat walk on keyboard for this one it doesnt matter)

I struggle wiht self-help books too, but right now my philosyphy is to read them, think about them and try things out. If it turns out it is helping me: awesome!. If it isn't I just stop it and search for new ideas. I actually haven't read any self-help books until now, because I always held an aversion vs them. So there some news for me to filter out of them( habbits omg xD) wich puts me in a another situation. I actually never thought about habbits before this detox.

Stay strong man, i believe in you, even if you are a random person out of the internet.

PS: loved the self-ironic comic and ty for the link, enjoyed teh monk talk.

greetings Mario

 

Edited February 17, 201610 yr by WorkInProgress

I struggle wiht self-help books too, but right now my philosyphy is to read them, think about them and try things out. If it turns out it is helping me: awesome!. If it isn't I just stop it and search for new ideas. I actually haven't read any self-help books until now, because I always held an aversion vs them. So there some news for me to filter out of them( habbits omg xD) wich puts me in a another situation. I actually never thought about habbits before this detox.

Stay strong man, i believe in you, even if you are a random person out of the internet.

PS: loved the self-ironic comic and ty for the link, enjoyed teh monk talk.

greetings Mario

 

Hobbits are creatures not known for any innate magical properties except for the ability to make themselves extremely hard to be seen.

"I believe in you even if you're a random person on the internet" should be this page's subtitle. Time to make another promising suggestion thread. Thanks!

Edited February 17, 201610 yr by Marchosias

Day 17: A Night Like This

Another horrible night. I laid in bed for hours just obsessing about everything again. I tried meditating, which seemed to help a little, but I was still unable to relax until I became too tired to worry. I eventually said to myself that I'll have plenty of time to be anxious tomorrow, and that I should just put it aside for now, agreeing (with myself, heh) that it was the first sensible thought I had in hours.

Everyone seems to talk about cold showers and their benefits. I've tried them a few times, and I can see why people enjoy them, but I'm not nearly in a position to even consider implementing them to my daily life. Really, taking a hot shower is one of the few things that relaxes me, especially in the absence of WoW and drinking. So no thanks, you go and pour the ice cold water over yourselves all you like.

Why Cam is (kinda) wrong in his video

In his last video, Cam tells us that we're not lazy because we've spent so much time and energy on games, so it's just a matter of redirecting this drive into something that will benefit our lives. It sounds great and it definitely makes for a good video, but I wouldn't say it's entirely right.

The problem is: most modern games are made to appeal to the largest possible crowd, and if you've been following this journal, you know what my opinion on normal people is. These games are made so they don't require any real effort -- analytic thought, spatial perception, reflexes, clutch moves -- they instead grant a false sense of achievement through a system of rewards for repeated actions.

(This is also where micro transactions come in place: pay 5 dollars for this item that your friends had to spend two days on. The actual in-game value is derived from the fact that it takes a certain time to obtain; not from it requiring any sort of skill to get.)

This is also how most people play World of Warcraft. Sure, the game has its competitive aspects, some of which are complex and infinitely fun (3v3 arena), but the majority of WoW players have always been casuals that mostly just grind and chat. It's just like real life. Most people grind their shitty jobs and gossip.

This is why Cam's idea isn't fully right. It does apply to those who've actually invested real effort into their games, but it doesn't apply to the majority of players*.

However, it'd be safe to argue that those people who make it to Gamequitters do have the potential to become something more than just another peasant. This community is going against the still widely accepted narrative that gaming is either a harmless hobby (maybe for some) or a legitimate lifestyle (being a junkie is a lifestyle as well, fuck you), so the majority of people that make it here will be exceptional by definition.

This is bound to change as the population increases. It always does.

So enjoy it while it lasts :PpppPPPPPPpppppppPpPPPPppppPppppp.

Vivian, the GamerGate's mascot, was used to romanticize the "gaming lifestyle". It served a specific reason at the time, but not without negative effects.

 

PS: One could say that moving the grind from video games to real life can produce positive results as well. While this is true, the potential effect is limited. Even seemingly grindy activities like lifting or bodybuilding require a good amount of knowledge and thought, and one must re-develop these qualities (that have atrophied during the gaming period) to achieve good results.

*I don't think grinding qualifies as effort, and that's a whole other debate. It is effort in a technical sense that it requires a functioning body and time, but these kind of actions never produce anything relevant.

Edited February 17, 201610 yr by Marchosias

I understand your feedback on the video and probably should have been a bit more clear in the video that I was speaking more to the identity of being "lazy" than the actual behavior of it. Although games traditionally have involved more thought and effort to succeed, I still do believe the mere quantity of hours - even with minimal effort - still proves that you are not lazy and instead just driven by specific motivations and a sense of purpose, as you articulated well.

 

Day 18: The Slight Edge

Kortheo suggested I have a look at a self help book called "The Slight Edge", and my initial response was that I'll have a look if I can pirate it. I'm not too keen on most of self help as you can see from a recent post. Even so, I googled it and found an abridged audio version, and it's a good thing I did -- it's one of the better self help books out there.

The basic premise is that every single action you take contributes to where you'll be in a month, a year, five years. The difference between successful people and average failures is that they're aware of that: taking one (1) positive action right now is easy, but it's also easy not to take it.

Studying for an hour won't make you more successful right now, and browsing a YouTube instead won't make you broke and miserable. Not today, anyway. And definitely not tomorrow. It's easy to fuck around for another hour, but how hard is it to devote an hour to improving yourself? It's not exactly the opening scene of Saw VII (NSFW).

It also presents a model that consists of your philosophy (how you think), the resulting attitude (how you feel), knowledge how to actually do things, and real actions.

It made me to have long look at my own attitude and, more importantly, philosophy. It's not pretty.

Here's a direct transcript of notes I've jotted down in my notebook yesterday. It's not NSFW, but the punctuation is probably worse than the above Saw scene. My comments as I type it down are in [brackets].

philosophy --> attitude --> know how --> action

"just this once more, then I'll stop and turn everything around"

"eh, i guess i'll keep doing this ... kinda. something should come out of it"

"fuck this, this is retarded i'll try again later or try something else or whatever"

 

I ultimately don't believe I can be happy in any other way than playing wow, getting wasted, and overeating [key realization I think]

(even though all the evidence points otherwise)

WHY?

I think I'm inherently different from other people (even though the evidence points otherwise)

WHY?

people are scary they reject me they dont understand me they laugh at me they dislike me

but evidence proves otherwise, again

some (many) do [reject, dont understand, dislike, etc]

who cares

I do

WHY?

I'm not successful and I don't have enough friends

WHY? [a large arrow pointing all the way upwards to the original "just this once more, then I'll stop and turn everything around" -- it's circular, a system of negative thinking that supports itself]

how to break out?

change "philosophy"? perhaps even being aware of it can help changing it

listen to the book

I still need to finish it, and I'm sure to write about it again.

The book makes use of various quotes including Alice in Wonderland:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where -' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
'- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.”

 

Edited February 18, 201610 yr by Marchosias
I LIKE SAW MOVIES IDK WHY PEOPLE EXPECT EVERY SINGLE MOVIE TO BE DEEP AND INTELLECTUAL ITS GOOD GORY FUN OK. IF YOU DONT LIKE BLOOD OK DONT WATCH IT STOP MAKING UP IMAGINARY REASONS WHY ITS BAD JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT LIKE THE GENRE

One of the best books I've ever read. If you google for the pdf you can find it as well.

Day 19: Chore

Haven't slept at all tonight; I can't exactly say why. I also don't know how the next week's gonna look like. Is the most difficult part still ahead? Or is this it? All I wanted was a solid night's sleep, so I could get come kind of a day going. Now this.

Take a shower, wash hair, shave, get fresh clothes, write on GQ. Go to the store and buy food and things. I've been forced to fast for the last 4 days because I spent too much money on trash food and drinks last month. Then don't fall asleep until evening. But eventually get so tired you can't even sit, so lie down and set an alarm after 1 hour. Try not to fuck it up.

Tomorrow pretty much the same, but also work on getting somewhere on your content mill of choice. That actually is somewhat exciting: there seem to be some 700 words articles that pay over 30 dollars in the top rank. A rank which I don't yet have. They of course expect quality; I google what the top articles on the topic are like and I see punctuation errors galore and mediocre style at best. I should probably be good, fine.

(But who knows. Some jerk gave me a 4.5 stars rating instead of 5 after I delivered a nearly poetic 150 words description of an image I spent more than an hour on. I even added another, trimmed-telegraph-style, version at the end just in case. This is the definition of over-delivering and he gives me 4.5 stars.)

I can earn 30 dollars a day from Monday to Friday and live just fine*. Such are the few benefits of living in Eastern Europe. Jelly?

*I own my apartment and don't mind a NEET-like lifestyle. A fancier term is a "minimalist lifestyle" but come on.

 

Edited February 19, 201610 yr by Marchosias
BUT REALLY BEING A NEET SUX ITS ALMOST AS SOUL CRUSHING AS WORKING A DEAD END OFFICE JOB BUT NOT QUITE

One of the best books I've ever read. If you google for the pdf you can find it as well.

Thank you for the gift yesterday, Cam <3.

One of the best books I've ever read. If you google for the pdf you can find it as well.

Thank you for the gift yesterday, Cam <3.

Np dude.

...

Edited February 24, 201610 yr by Marchosias

Day 3

I’m starting again.

I don’t exactly feel like dwelling on it too much. This has happened before, and the only option I have is to keep going. Perhaps I should feel absolutely devastated about failing the challenge, but I don’t. For a while, I really was sure I could do it in a first go, yet I need to remain honest (because what’s the point of this if I’m not) and say it was just a question of time all along.

But again, that’s fine at least on some level. Relapse is terrible and I hate it, but it’s how these things work.

What actually happened? Nothing dramatic from a gaming standpoint, really. I installed vanilla WoW, made a new character, and played it to level 12. Along the way, I joined some leveling guild and made ~10 people quit it by making the sort of jokes you won’t exactly get banned for, but will make people uncomfortable.

That was the thing: I also drank again. I drank for 3 days in a row, and it’s the actual reason I’ve been away for 5 days. 3 days of drinking, 2 days of recovery (and I’m still not fully back). I know this isn’t that kind of a community, so I won’t bother you with that.

Let me list a couple of positives:

- In a technical sense, I’d say this is more of a “slip” than relapse. I haven’t played much, haven’t played since, don’t intend to play further.
- I joined a WoW-related IRC channel and caught up with someone who’s helped me a lot back when my drinking was the worst. I’m glad I was able to thank him again. He’s getting married to a beautiful ginger girl.
- On that same channel, I think I’ve made some younger guy feel better about an aggressive and persistent troll. It made me happy.
- I’ve made tremendous progress with my drinking despite what happened.
- I have this community to return to. (Not in a most flashy manner but still.)
- I also have my writing, such as it is, to return to. It’s something productive that I moderately enjoy; much more than I can say for most other activities.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity (which is, as probably stated before, a hell of a drug), I can now go back and at least feel grateful for what I have.

Day 3.

Day 3

I’m starting again.

I don’t exactly feel like dwelling on it too much. This has happened before, and the only option I have is to keep going. Perhaps I should feel absolutely devastated about failing the challenge, but I don’t. For a while, I really was sure I could do it in a first go, yet I need to remain honest (because what’s the point of this if I’m not) and say it was just a question of time all along.

But again, that’s fine at least on some level. Relapse is terrible and I hate it, but it’s how these things work.

What actually happened? Nothing dramatic from a gaming standpoint, really. I installed vanilla WoW, made a new character, and played it to level 12. Along the way, I joined some leveling guild and made ~10 people quit it by making the sort of jokes you won’t exactly get banned for, but will make people uncomfortable.

That was the thing: I also drank again. I drank for 3 days in a row, and it’s the actual reason I’ve been away for 5 days. 3 days of drinking, 2 days of recovery (and I’m still not fully back). I know this isn’t that kind of a community, so I won’t bother you with that.

Let me list a couple of positives:

- In a technical sense, I’d say this is more of a “slip” than relapse. I haven’t played much, haven’t played since, don’t intend to play further.
- I joined a WoW-related IRC channel and caught up with someone who’s helped me a lot back when my drinking was the worst. I’m glad I was able to thank him again. He’s getting married to a beautiful ginger girl.
- On that same channel, I think I’ve made some younger guy feel better about an aggressive and persistent troll. It made me happy.
- I’ve made tremendous progress with my drinking despite what happened.
- I have this community to return to. (Not in a most flashy manner but still.)
- I also have my writing, such as it is, to return to. It’s something productive that I moderately enjoy; much more than I can say for most other activities.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity (which is, as probably stated before, a hell of a drug), I can now go back and at least feel grateful for what I have.

Day 3.

keep it up. Really enjoy your writing style it's expressive, to the point, and descriptive.

keep it up. Really enjoy your writing style it's expressive, to the point, and descriptive.

don't dissapoint the fanbase (eager reader here).

Seriously good that you are back here! Was there a trigger for your relapse or did shit just overwhelm you?( if i may ask)

Great to have you back man!

Day 4

As a Gamma, he's a Secret King, which is why he is simultaneously contemptuous of Trump and envious of Trump's success.

- Vox Day

I've been losing interest in politics for a while, and it mostly evaporated during my recent exercise. I don't even know what I wrote on Facebook. All I have are crushed fragments of day two and day three. That and my YouTube favorite videos list.

I can't take myself seriously any more. My political opinions are irrelevant to everyone including myself. But all these blogs are still in my bookmarks, and I had to busy my mind with something during the last few days. Listening to a podcast while reading works great.

As anyone who has some remote knowledge of basic economics and doesn't have some secondary, personal agenda, I'm fine with Trump. But again, my opinion is not important because I'm a 30 year old high school dropout who's been unemployed for more than 2 years, has no marketable skills, no un-marketable skills, is addicted to booze and WoW, is emotionally unstable, comes from a family with a history of mental illness, and manages to live with a bloated sense of importance and ability nevertheless.

By all standards, I'm a "Gamma". And when you are one, you either need to try and improve, or you become a "Secret King". It's the only way to live with yourself, a defense mechanism really.

These are facts. There's nothing inherently negative about them; they just exist.

I've expected so much more from myself by the end of 2015 or at least by my birthday. Instead, I'm sitting here, telling myself I've recovered from the drinking even though I haven't yet. Not fully. I don't know what's going on; this is just the worst. I can't do this ever again, or I'll die or, almost as bad, mentally cripple myself. I know exactly how that looks because I've been in inpatient (a nicer way to say "rehab) two years ago. Except people there were in their late 40s or 50s and have achieved things in life before crashing. I have achieved nothing.

Hey guys! I'm almost 20 yrs old, and maybe I'm getting to old for video games? Ha ha. So I found this cool page and thought that maybe I should join! Day 45: my grades are skyrocketing and I haven't thought of games once xD. Yesterday, I was at this cool party (we had a little bit 2 drink) and almost got together with this really hot girl! I need to work on my social skills, lol. Anyone has any advice on how to get girls??? BTW, I will now post a detailed overview of my day because everyone's interested in that. Here's what I had for breakfast: OATMEAL LOL.

My only desire right now is to see if I can make any money before I run out of everything.

This sentence above was me ending on a positive note, ok.

 

 

Edited February 25, 201610 yr by Marchosias
NOW SOME GUY WHO LOVES OATMEAL WILL READ THIS AND GET ME BANNED I SWEAR TO GOD I DONT KNOW ANYONE WHO LOVES OATMEAL HERE

keep it up. Really enjoy your writing style it's expressive, to the point, and descriptive.

don't dissapoint the fanbase (eager reader here).

Seriously good that you are back here! Was there a trigger for your relapse or did shit just overwhelm you?( if i may ask)

It doesn't even feel like there's a trigger. It's more like stretching an elastic, and all the knowledge and experience I manage to gain only delays the next -- snap. At least that's something. But thank you both, I'm happy someone's reading this.

Edited February 25, 201610 yr by Marchosias

Nightcore

You know those silly sped up dance songs on YouTube? With pictures of girls that may land you on a government watchlist ... if it weren't for their huge breasts? Yes, God is a Girl with a chipmunk voice.

I fucking love it, and I constantly run those 5 hour mixes in the background when I'm doing anything productive.

I can't listen to anything else. I could go and play some well written, imaginative, and perhaps complex song. Or albums, or DJ sets. Freeform happy hardcore with all sorts of melodic lines, samples, etc. Progressive metal. Beautiful gothic rock songs. But that would all be too distracting, ideas too complex.

Also, at this point, most music I enjoy carries some sort of a negative emotional overtone. I've failed so much and so often in life; everything reminds me of failure.

Gothic rock? Chasing the feeling of being in love and destroying relationships in the process. Also not getting laid as often as I could.

Progressive metal? Failing at being a keyboardist and also failing at enjoying my teenage years.

Any kind of electronic music? Wasting my early and mid 20s. Also failing as a DJ.

Same with all the other genres. Supposedly change is the only constant in life or something; I'd sooner replace "change" with "failure".

But nightcore. All it represents -- being simplistic and formulaic -- is the absence of worry. It means nothing. It demands nothing. It's basically a musical version of having a waifu minus all the negatives.

Edited February 25, 201610 yr by Marchosias
WHATS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN DEVELOPING A SHITTY TASTE IN MUSIC DO YOU THINK DONALD TRUMP HAS REFINED TASTE IN MUSIC WELL MAYBE WHO KNOWS

A face of a completely sane person with no psychopathic tendencies that highly values privacy and freedom of speech.

Also invented a social network with revolutionary functions like private messaging, news feed, and a relationship status -- things that hadn't been* present on other social networks for years, especially not Livejournal. The success of Facebook doesn't come from dumbing down. Just as this VR thing will make your life rich and interesting.

*Also celebrating the first usage of past perfect continuous tense in this journal.

Edited February 25, 201610 yr by Marchosias

That picture is just amazing. Gets me every time.

All that's missing is him rubbing his hands :P.

Wow, hadn't seen that picture before. That is unsettling.

Look at the man on the right of him: overweight and frowning. It's almost beautiful. We are teh Borg.

Edited February 26, 201610 yr by Marchosias

Day 5

500 words into writing about politics and trying to make a sensible conclusion again. I basically think almost everyone's approach is wrong and that most people are dishonest. Deleted everything because who cares. Maybe some other time.

Read Cam's book and loved it. This is how all self help books should've been written: there is a bit of story, but it's his own story, and he doesn't spend 20 pages praising himself and his achievements. Instead, he clearly shows who he is and why should we trust him. We then move straight into what, why, and how you can deal with your video game addiction.

Personally, I don't know if I've learned anything truly new, but I definitely needed to hear it all again. In truth, most of this information is available for free, but it may take weeks to gather for someone who's facing addiction for the first time (and, as a result, is in a terrible mental state anyway).

It also has some info that I haven't seen anywhere else. I think Cam's the first person who clearly defined what are the needs games fulfill for gaming addicts. There may be something similar buried in some research somewhere, but that's hardly relevant since it's all poorly presented and written by people who were never gamers themselves.

My highlights:

- Don't beat yourself for the time you spent gaming. It was an exciting and interesting experience, and I should value it for what it was.

- Daily gratitude. This is something I've been seeing others do all the time, and I always thought it a little lame. After reading the book though, I'm sold on it.

- The part when Cam decides to game 'till holidays ... then actually sticks to it and quits. I'd say this is an extremely rare scenario. In 2008, when WotLK came out, I told my GF at the time I'll just play to level 80 because I want to experience the new xpac buzz. 8 years later, here we are :P.

- [my disagreement with Cam*] None of your gaming friends will support your decision to quit. You must dump them all. Even if some honestly wants to support you, it's just a question of time before they start contributing to your relapse -- often without them knowing. Burn the bridges, salt the earth, make unforgivable insults. It's easy.

- My recent slip/relapse (I'd say it's in grey area, but I'm not reaching 90 days with a disclaimer) was mostly a result of not working enough. I  barely did any work. Right now, I'm still in a sort of "grinding" phase after which I'll start making real money. This is the only form of relevant tangible progress for me right now, and I spent too much time "relaxing" on social networks and YouTube.

Gratitude:

Large glass jars to drink water from. I've seen people doing that on YT, and I've finally implemented it myself. Now I'm like those cool youtubers. Woah. But really, it's great because it requires far less refills, and it also feels manly to drink out of a large glass. No more plastic cups shit.

I'm also grateful for finally getting my mind back last evening.

And the fact that I went Kayne West on FB during my 3 wasted days. It's going to be weeks before I dare to open that website again, so at least it won't be draining me for a while. There's Twitter, but it sucks and it's going down.

Natalia Poklonkskaya tells it like it is.

*Cam puts this in a much more measured manner and permits a chance that some gaming friends may be worth keeping. This can be true -- the universe is infinite -- but I think it's dangerous to expect that to happen.

He's already promoting ideas that the reader might be resisting. The last thing he wants is to tell him all his gaming friends (sometimes all the friends he has) must go and will only hurt him.

Edited February 26, 201610 yr by Marchosias
HOW ABOUT THAT GOP DEBATE EH