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[NSFW] Marquess' journal (Cute emo girls inside!)


Marquess
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Day 9: Keto Power

Also day 4 of water/tea fast hence I'm already in some sort of a low-level ketosis. I feel more energetic, my mood is more stable, my thoughts are clearer and I should be able to focus more.

People like me don't even have a choice when it comes to keto: to get anywhere close to our optimal functioning, we absolutely need it. The difference between high carb and low carb diet is gigantic. Oh, and all the digestive issues have stopped too as it's normal for fasting, but I'll be fine when I start eating again -- this may be the last day of the fast; I'll have to see how I feel. After that it's broccoli, Swiss chard, coconut oil, onion, and sardines. Have I mentioned I'm broke :x.

I ultimately need to accept that food will no longer be a source of fun and relief a sugar rush brings (carbs convert into sugar inside the body, so eating bread or pasta equals eating sugar). I quit booze, I quit WoW, I quit binge eating, and now some fuckers want me to quit porn as well. Fuck no. And yeah, I know the reasons behind it very well; it's just not realistic for me at this point and perhaps until I get access to girls.

I'm almost excited to see what the effects of keto will be after a month. It may be the "normal" all those people won't shut up about.

@Laney: I've been thinking about how to answer your question further, but it's hard to answer in a brief enough way. Not without at least triggering half the forum. So, uhm, trigger warning.

Men value youth, beauty, and traits like fertility, kindness, submissiveness. Women mostly value status, power, money, strength, dominance. The sun and moon comparison comes to mind. Modern third wave feminists will tell you that's oppressive, but the reality is that it's what makes everyone the happiest.

With that in mind, it makes no sense for me to pursue women of my age. An average 30 year old woman's had a number of boyfriends, which means a lot of emotional baggage that may cause all sorts of problems. Depending on her lifestyle and genetics, she may have anywhere from 0 to 10 years of looking good (there are exceptions, but come on) while that's not the case with 20 year olds.

I also don't care about her career since I'd much prefer to consider myself the provider and her a stay at home mom -- there are massive benefits in home schooling your children anyway, and I wouldn't be able to do it. Besides, if she has children in her early 20s, she then has the majority of her life to pursue any kind of career she wants once the kids are grown up enough.

There's a popular quote that describes the above attitude. It should go without saying that it's heavily sarcastic:

"Let her date a ton of other guys and live the party lifestyle. What's important is that you are there for her when she is ready to get serious and date a responsible man who will support her financially. I will catch her when she falls, and when she's done with her last "bad boy" boyfriend, she will come to my shoulder to cry on. And when she's at her sexiest and most financially stable of 35 years we will share the perfect kiss on the beach side. That is true love."

There will always be exceptions. Women who only want a career, people who are close to the middle of the gender spectrum and just want to do their own thing, those with atypical sexual orientations, etc. But these are all minorities.

That said, I'm still not sure if I should even reproduce considering my leanings towards things like depression and addiction. But it just takes one look to how a common man thinks to realize I very likely should.

Here's a picture of today. It's from FB again, and I'm again too paranoid to post it directly. I'm fairly certain that some of these girls reverse image search their own pictures. She's supposedly a lesbian with a steady girlfriend, but that doesn't stop her from attention whoring. I see this all the time.

PS: I've seen the last Cam's video. You are all very qt <3.

Everything is better in color.

Edited by Marchosias
this was maybe a shitty post but i cba to rewrite it ok ALSO WOOP 10% OD CHALLENGE DONE ALMOST THERE YES
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@Laney: I've been thinking about how to answer your question further, but it's hard to answer in a brief enough way. Not without at least triggering half the forum. So, uhm, trigger warning.

Men value youth, beauty, and traits like fertility, kindness, submissiveness. Women mostly value status, power, money, strength, dominance. The sun and moon comparison comes to mind. Modern third wave feminists will tell you that's oppressive, but the reality is that it's what makes everyone the happiest.

With that in mind, it makes no sense for me to pursue women of my age. An average 30 year old woman's had a number of boyfriends, which means a lot of emotional baggage that may cause all sorts of problems. Depending on her lifestyle and genetics, she may have anywhere from 0 to 10 years of looking good (there are exceptions, but come on) while that's not the case with 20 year olds.

I also don't care about her career since I'd much prefer to consider myself the provider and her a stay at home mom -- there are massive benefits in home schooling your children anyway, and I wouldn't be able to do it. Besides, if she has children in her early 20s, she then has the majority of her life to pursue any kind of career she wants once the kids are grown up enough.

There's a popular quote that describes the above attitude. It should go without saying that it's heavily sarcastic:

"Let her date a ton of other guys and live the party lifestyle. What's important is that you are there for her when she is ready to get serious and date a responsible man who will support her financially. I will catch her when she falls, and when she's done with her last "bad boy" boyfriend, she will come to my shoulder to cry on. And when she's at her sexiest and most financially stable of 35 years we will share the perfect kiss on the beach side. That is true love."

There will always be exceptions. Women who only want a career, people who are close to the middle of the gender spectrum and just want to do their own thing, those with atypical sexual orientations, etc. But these are all minorities.

That said, I'm still not sure if I should even reproduce considering my leanings towards things like depression and addiction. But it just takes one look to how a common man thinks to realize I very likely should.

Thank you for answering! Also tagging takes a while, you have to type in @Laney and click on the popup window(may not load right away) to fully tag.

As a pansexual female, I'd rather not date a person who follows this view of male vs female in relationships. I am not denying it isn't accurate--but since I'm one of the minorities you mentioned, it's not very useful for me and I find it rather droll. Same as I don't care for a dominant man anymore (or submissive). Which brings me to a thought about The Goat, or Who is Sylvia? A play about a man who falls in love with a goat during an equal marriage with his rl partner. He feels demasculated and is unsatisfied in his relationship with his wife, not because he doesn't love her, but subconsciously he feels like he doesn't have that much worth since they don't have the dominant/submissive husband/wife relationship. But an equal one. Not that there is any real correlation between this play and relationships irl, I wonder how possible it is for me to have a fulfilling longterm relationship with a man who isn't queer.

Back to your post, intelligent men dating the hot idiots used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Growing up I was an INTJ--highly logical/analytical for a girl, only about 0.5% of the female population overall. I was entirely about practicality and intelligence, who cares about the people who can't follow my thoughts. It was a struggle to understand the male desire for only the body and not the mind. Reading your journal does recall some of those uncomfortable feelings from back then, which is why I wanted a more in depth explanation from you. This feeling I would describe as jealousy and insecurity. Even though I am in my prime SMV, and know how to dress myself provocatively, I am not one of the normal women, and won't ever be. But I think that's okay. I am not sure I properly understood the root of the jealousy I felt towards hot women objectified by men until now. 

Note:  I've since developed my empath and feeling sides and am now an ENFJ (Although the last three are about half and half, so more like EXXX)

About two weeks ago I went gluten free, and after reading about ketosis, I'm pretty sure I went into a ketogenic state these past few weeks. Hrm. But anyway! Food can still be fun! Try to focus on what you can eat instead of what you can't.  You'll have more fun with it. Although it is more expensive -_-

PS: I've seen the last Cam's video. You are all very qt <3.

Wew! Yes! Everyone is a fantastic character. 

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@Laney

Maybe you should find the guys who like what's going on in the mind. Everyone's different, and putting labels on everyone's desires just creates unfounded assumptions that we sheepishly conform to.

In fact, when you find the people who secretly despise the norms and fit yours, that's when the magic actually happens.

I like playing the game - the smarter the girl is at playing it, the more fun the chase. I'm not particularly attracted to unintelligent women, even when they're physically attractive. Summing up my approach to what I like is not even really possible. There are so many factors for me that influence my attraction to someone. But they have to be decently intelligent in some context, whether that be social, musical, artistic or analytical intelligence. Otherwise I'm just going to lose patience. I actually feel out of place with other guys when I'm out - they don't seem to find the same enjoyment in the process, of charm and all of that.

@Marchosias

I've typically identified as an INTP as well. I'll always be a T - I'm extremely analytical. I just use the thinking portion of myself to learn how to develop my other intelligences, like my gut intuition. My brother is a very solid feeler and extrovert - I learn a lot by talking to him.

I would call myself more of an ambivert these days. The more I talk to people the more I am liking it these days. And, I am not that fond of being alone at home. In fact, as much as I like my apartment, I can't stand just being here alone for very long.

I'm very intuitive, processing lots of information. But, with meditation, the sensing portion of things is getting easier. Perceiving as well - creative, not particularly organized (though not horribly disorganized).

Even so, those labels are pretty broad, depending on who you're talking to.

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Thank you for answering! Also tagging takes a while, you have to type in @Laney and click on the popup window(may not load right away) to fully tag.

As a pansexual female, I'd rather not date a person who follows this view of male vs female in relationships. I am not denying it isn't accurate--but since I'm one of the minorities you mentioned, it's not very useful for me and I find it rather droll. Same as I don't care for a dominant man anymore (or submissive). Which brings me to a thought about The Goat, or Who is Sylvia? A play about a man who falls in love with a goat during an equal marriage with his rl partner. He feels demasculated and is unsatisfied in his relationship with his wife, not because he doesn't love her, but subconsciously he feels like he doesn't have that much worth since they don't have the dominant/submissive husband/wife relationship. But an equal one. Not that there is any real correlation between this play and relationships irl, I wonder how possible it is for me to have a fulfilling longterm relationship with a man who isn't queer.

Being pansexual, as far as I know, is about being attracted to a certain person without regard to their (pronouns, here we go) gender. But doesn't that essentially make you bisexual? That's the issue I have with all these new terms: all they seem to do is describe variations of feminine men/masculine women or degrees of gayness. You can then say that pansexual differs from bisexual because it also includes those who don't identify as either gender, but I think you can't really escape the gender scale. For example, a feminine man that enjoys cross dressing on occasion is just that -- a cross dresser. He isn't "gender fluid". The vast majority of people has no idea what this even means.

I don't have a problem with people calling themselves whatever they like. I remember the times when we were gothic kids on Livejournal and IRC, and we claimed to be bisexual because it was cool (even though everyone was straight). I'm actually surprised Livejournal still exists, and I'm also happy that back then, we didn't have things like cheap webcams and streaming video (it technically existed but wasn't very functional). We had so much drama and shit; I'm glad almost everything has perished to oblivion. But I digress ...

The problem with making up all these expressions is a PR one. The majority, normal people, will always hate everything that's too different by default. It's a fact of life that ultimately cannot be changed (why that is a different issue, but I've linked an article from Justine Tunney, who argues that normal people are basically sadists, a couple of pages ago). Minorities have to live with that, so why invent all sorts of new, strange titles instead of presenting yourself as decent people inside the known and accepted (if reluctantly) sexual metrics?

That issue is the most pronounced with trans people. The vast majority just wants to go stealth as their true gender; however, there seems to be a loud minority (at least it seemed so to me) that makes them look like degenerate freaks to normal people ... who already think they're degenerate freaks anyway. Radical feminism, social justice, trying to expand the definition of what "trans" means so everyone can join the supposed cool kids club -- all of this does nothing but worsen the situation.

Every copywriting course will tell you a successful ad is clear, concise, and uses simple language. Instead, many are writing essays about intersectionality using Windings.

Edited by Marchosias
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@Marchosias You're right! That's how I explain it to people. It's essentially bisexual except it lets queers know that I'm completely comfortable with them. If a FtoM meets me, and I tell them I'm pansexual, they can feel comfortable pursuing or befriending me. While if they meet a straight woman, they will always have that gut feeling of "maybe they wont accept me once they find out I don't have a dick".  I never once felt I was bisexual, but when I learned about pansexuality I immediately identified with it. Immediately. Bisexuality has never spoken to me like pan has.  It accomplishes a lot more than just expressing my sexuality, it also expresses how I view queer people. Hitting two birds with one stone = shortcut that I will most definitely take advantage of.

Edited by Laney
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Back to your post, intelligent men dating the hot idiots used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Growing up I was an INTJ--highly logical/analytical for a girl, only about 0.5% of the female population overall. I was entirely about practicality and intelligence, who cares about the people who can't follow my thoughts. It was a struggle to understand the male desire for only the body and not the mind. Reading your journal does recall some of those uncomfortable feelings from back then, which is why I wanted a more in depth explanation from you. This feeling I would describe as jealousy and insecurity. Even though I am in my prime SMV, and know how to dress myself provocatively, I am not one of the normal women, and won't ever be. But I think that's okay. I am not sure I properly understood the root of the jealousy I felt towards hot women objectified by men until now. 

Note:  I've since developed my empath and feeling sides and am now an ENFJ (Although the last three are about half and half, so more like EXXX)

About two weeks ago I went gluten free, and after reading about ketosis, I'm pretty sure I went into a ketogenic state these past few weeks. Hrm. But anyway! Food can still be fun! Try to focus on what you can eat instead of what you can't.  You'll have more fun with it. Although it is more expensive -_-

PS: I've seen the last Cam's video. You are all very qt <3.

Wew! Yes! Everyone is a fantastic character. 

Well, I haven't said anything about dating idiots. Intelligence is hereditary to a degree, so you don't want your woman to be an idiot at all. I also cannot stand women who can't hold a meaningful conversation; what kind of marriage would that be. I know some men claim they "don't care" about how smart a woman is, but I'd say those men aren't exactly a gift to humanity themselves. However, the sad reality is that men have no interest women's minds if they aren't hot.

At one point, I knew a woman who had a fascinating personality, was smart as hell, and a brilliant poetess to top it off, but she wasn't physically attractive, and I just couldn't do it. She wasn't ugly in a technical sense -- just not quite there. High intelligence and below average looks are a terrible fate for a woman. As a man, you can still compensate by working on other qualities; As a woman, not so much. At least if you're straight.

It is possible to enter ketosis by just limiting the carb intake and not upping the fats. I did that when I first tried it in 2013: at that point, I still had my office job and would drink regularly. After I entered ketosis without really knowing it, I drank about 0.5L of vodka, and the next day I experienced the worst hangover in my life. It also wouldn't be the last. Keto hangovers are their own special category, so perhaps you can watch out for that (it's actually fine if you're not an alcoholic and stay reasonably hydrated). What made you go gluten free?

 

Edited by Marchosias
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Back to your post, intelligent men dating the hot idiots used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Growing up I was an INTJ--highly logical/analytical for a girl, only about 0.5% of the female population overall. I was entirely about practicality and intelligence, who cares about the people who can't follow my thoughts. It was a struggle to understand the male desire for only the body and not the mind. Reading your journal does recall some of those uncomfortable feelings from back then, which is why I wanted a more in depth explanation from you. This feeling I would describe as jealousy and insecurity. Even though I am in my prime SMV, and know how to dress myself provocatively, I am not one of the normal women, and won't ever be. But I think that's okay. I am not sure I properly understood the root of the jealousy I felt towards hot women objectified by men until now. 

Note:  I've since developed my empath and feeling sides and am now an ENFJ (Although the last three are about half and half, so more like EXXX)

Interesting discussion!

I'm pretty solidly INTJ, though all types change and develop as they age. In the past few years I've definitely developed my Fi more. I went through a phase of being all about practicality and intelligence as well, but that has shifted a bit into understanding the importance of emotions. These days I tend to find emotional intelligence perhaps more impressive or attractive or interesting than analytical intelligence. In my world, at least, emotional intelligence is harder to come by. I'm also more social than I used to be, although definitely still an introvert. I previously used my introversion as a means of justifying my social isolation to myself as valid. These days I have a better sense of when I actually want to be social vs not, and act accordingly.

Most of my closest friends are N types, and many of them are not "normal" with respect to gender, sexuality, etc. The broad generalizations that you sketch are correct, Marchosias, but they are just that - generalizations. I don't know what the initial discussion was about, but I think one of the interesting parts of getting to know yourself better is understanding what parts of the generalizations apply and in what ways you deviate from them.

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@Laney

Maybe you should find the guys who like what's going on in the mind. Everyone's different, and putting labels on everyone's desires just creates unfounded assumptions that we sheepishly conform to.

In fact, when you find the people who secretly despise the norms and fit yours, that's when the magic actually happens.

I like playing the game - the smarter the girl is at playing it, the more fun the chase. I'm not particularly attracted to unintelligent women, even when they're physically attractive. Summing up my approach to what I like is not even really possible. There are so many factors for me that influence my attraction to someone. But they have to be decently intelligent in some context, whether that be social, musical, artistic or analytical intelligence. Otherwise I'm just going to lose patience. I actually feel out of place with other guys when I'm out - they don't seem to find the same enjoyment in the process, of charm and all of that.

Thank you Alkan! Makes me feel a little warm inside being reminded that men can appreciate more than just my body. Not saying you don't, @Marchosias but you do talk about women more objectively, hence me assuming the hot idiot part, thanks for correcting my assumption

Also Alkan I resonate with what you said about intelligence in some concept. So long as someone has passion for something, are higher thinkers in a certain part of their life and can inspire something inside of me, it is very attractive.

 

Well, I haven't said anything about dating idiots. Intelligence is hereditary to a degree, so you don't want your woman to be an idiot at all. I also cannot stand women who can't hold a meaningful conversation; what kind of marriage would that be. I know some men claim they "don't care" about how smart a woman is, but I'd say those men aren't exactly a gift to humanity themselves. However, the sad reality is that men have no interest women's minds if they aren't hot.

At one point, I knew a woman who had a fascinating personality, was smart as hell, and a brilliant poetess to top it off, but she wasn't physically attractive, and I just couldn't do it. She wasn't ugly in a technical sense -- just not quite there. High intelligence and below average looks are a terrible fate for a woman. As a man, you can still compensate by working on other qualities; As a woman, not so much. At least if you're straight.

It is possible to enter ketosis by just limiting the carb intake and not upping the fats. I did that when I first tried it in 2013: at that point, I still had my office job and would drink regularly. After I entered ketosis without really knowing it, I drank about 0.5L of vodka, and the next day I experienced the worst hungover in my life. It also wouldn't be the last. Keto hangovers are their own special category, so perhaps you can watch out for that (it's actually fine if you're not an alcoholic and stay reasonably hydrated). What made you go gluten free?

 

I know a guy like this too! Ugh! I feel so horrible for being so shallow, he is literally the best guy I know by 200%. Very intelligent, inspires passion, always brightens my day, challenges me to be a better person in my career and to others, but he is short and heavily overweight.  :<

Ooph, the hangover sounds horrible, I will try to avoid drinking for a while until I level out.

I decided to go gluten free after I met a cute gal who wrote a gluten-free article and she told me about more symptoms of celiacs and gluten sensitivity than I had heard of before. (Such as anemia, ADHD and thyroid problems)  Then later that week I met Cam who is also gluten free, so I said heck let's try it. Was surprised to find out a few other people at the meetup were also gluten-free or were eating very healthy in general. But my decision to go gluten free kind of backfired with the moodiness, depression, headaches, brain fog and lethargy. I bought vitamins and went to a farmers market right away after I realized I was missing SOMETHING in my diet that was making me this way. I've leveled out more and am back to normal, if not a bit better with the brain fog., but the mood swings are still here.

How would you suggest I up my fat intake? I don't even know where to start, most of my fat is from meats and oils. Guess it's time to read some guides? :P

Edited by Laney
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Interesting discussion!

I'm pretty solidly INTJ, though all types change and develop as they age. In the past few years I've definitely developed my Fi more. I went through a phase of being all about practicality and intelligence as well, but that has shifted a bit into understanding the importance of emotions. These days I tend to find emotional intelligence perhaps more impressive or attractive or interesting than analytical intelligence. In my world, at least, emotional intelligence is harder to come by. I'm also more social than I used to be, although definitely still an introvert. I previously used my introversion as a means of justifying my social isolation to myself as valid. These days I have a better sense of when I actually want to be social vs not, and act accordingly.

Most of my closest friends are N types, and many of them are not "normal" with respect to gender, sexuality, etc. The broad generalizations that you sketch are correct, Marchosias, but they are just that - generalizations. I don't know what the initial discussion was about, but I think one of the interesting parts of getting to know yourself better is understanding what parts of the generalizations apply and in what ways you deviate from them.

It sucks, women are highly discouraged from being and INTJ. We are "intimidating" "bossy" "uncaring" "rigid". Although I like myself more now that I'm more aware of others feelings and how my actions can affect them, I do wonder what I could have accomplished if I had stayed oblivious and logical. Maybe in a different timeline I'm the new Ada Lovelace of alternate reality or quantum computing. Haha. Although I could still be a pioneer in AR.

I will always have a soft spot for INTJ's since I grew up as one :)

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Day 10: Thirty

There isn't much to celebrate objectively speaking. I grew up in a first world country, middle class family and was raised by two loving parents. That's more than the vast majority of humanity can say, yet my results so far have been, so to speak, underwhelming. We'll see what happens.

3 Pieces of Supposed Wisdom by a 30 Year Old Degenerate

1. There Is No One

There is no one special person that will make your life complete and solve all your problems. You don't have to spend your life looking for "that special someone", and even if you do fall in love and have a great relationship, there's nothing special about that person. If they end up leaving you, that can be a very painful inconvenience, but there's nothing stopping you from finding someone else and forming another awesome relationship that may be even better.

All this sounds like an obvious truth when written down. Yet I constantly see otherwise intelligent people ignoring it and I ignored it myself for years.

2. Disregard Normal People

The majority of people are just taking up space, and their greatest desire in life is being told what to do. You need to disregard those people completely, for they have nothing to offer you. The majority of people is there mostly to support the elite, and your goal should be to become a part of that elite. This doesn't mean that normal people should be exploited or directly hurt: doing so would be amoral. As an aspiring member of the elite, you should serve as an example for them to follow.

Never trust normal people. They're born with an inclination to sadism and will only act like decent humans if dominated in some way (by the state or some other authority).

3. I Am Mentally Ill

The chances of not continuing to fail at everything I try will be much greater if I admit this. Healthy people don't trash their 20s by playing WoW, they don't obliterate their bodies and minds by getting wasted 3 days in a row, and they're fine with getting out of bed on most days. I don't know why I am like that since my life's been free from any sort of trauma. Most probably it's genetic. Alcoholism (therefore probably depression, etc) runs in both sides of my family, so there we go.

To have even a remote chance of success, I must treat myself accordingly. I still think I can achieve a lot, but getting there won't look like I've imagined 10 years ago.

12733439_1559112157736271_66811828702569

Note how Death's finger is at the center of the chip. You can't tell into which direction it's being moved.

 

 

Edited by Marchosias
SENDING THIS TO CRACKED.COM SO I CAN GET RICH AND FAMOUS GOODBYE
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I know a guy like this too! Ugh! I feel so horrible for being so shallow, he is literally the best guy I know by 200%. Very intelligent, inspires passion, always brightens my day, challenges me to be a better person in my career and to others, but he is short and heavily overweight.  :<

Ooph, the hangover sounds horrible, I will try to avoid drinking for a while until I level out.

I decided to go gluten free after I met a cute gal who wrote a gluten-free article and she told me about more symptoms of celiacs and gluten sensitivity than I had heard of before. (Such as anemia, ADHD and thyroid problems)  Then later that week I met Cam who is also gluten free, so I said heck let's try it. Was surprised to find out a few other people at the meetup were also gluten-free or were eating very healthy in general. But my decision to go gluten free kind of backfired with the moodiness, depression, headaches, brain fog and lethargy. I bought vitamins and went to a farmers market right away after I realized I was missing SOMETHING in my diet that was making me this way. I've leveled out more and am back to normal, if not a bit better with the brain fog., but the mood swings are still here.

How would you suggest I up my fat intake? I don't even know where to start, most of my fat is from meats and oils. Guess it's time to read some guides? :P

Yeah, we can't escape our biology.

Keto is the worst short term diet you can imagine. Expect to feel like crap for the first week. Considering your age, you should be fine after that, and you're likely to start feeling the benefits around that time. What those benefits will be I can't say -- everyone experiences sudden weight loss (which is just your body getting rid of excess water) followed by an actual weight loss. Various existing medical condition often lessen or even go away completely. Many report massive cognitive benefits too: I can attest to that for sure. Almost everyone feels more energetic and focused.

Then again, some people don't do well on keto at all. Like any other diet, it's not for everyone, but the potential benefits are so great I think everyone should at least give it a go for a month or so. The vastvastvast majority of negative reports are made by people who don't stick to it long enough (the worst short term diet).

The best place to start it /r/keto's FAQ. Out of all the YouTube channels, I'd recommend Tristan's channel.

Mood swings sux. They always were a notable drawback in all of my relationships, and looking back, the most successful ones were those when the girl simply accepted the fact that I'll suddenly stop talking and/or become irritable sometimes. But that's not something I want to put anyone through again.

There are several ways to consume enough fat. The most straightforward way is to throw some coconut butter into the soup/stew. The way I've been doing it most of the time is to throw the vegetables and meat in a pan, add a few bricks of coconut butter, then apply heat 'till it smells done. My approach to cooking is rather punk, but there are tons of recipes that allow you to craft magnificent meals. It's possible to even make keto pizza and pastry if you love coconut powder with eggs and flax enough.

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@Marchosias You're right! That's how I explain it to people. It's essentially bisexual except it lets queers know that I'm completely comfortable with them. If a FtoM meets me, and I tell them I'm pansexual, they can feel comfortable pursuing or befriending me. While if they meet a straight woman, they will always have that gut feeling of "maybe they wont accept me once they find out I don't have a dick".  I never once felt I was bisexual, but when I learned about pansexuality I immediately identified with it. Immediately. Bisexuality has never spoken to me like pan has.  It accomplishes a lot more than just expressing my sexuality, it also expresses how I view queer people. Hitting two birds with one stone = shortcut that I will most definitely take advantage of.

I almost read that "FOTM" and immediately thought about popular/overpowered WoW 3v3 arena comps. Heh.

I see how calling yourself pansexual has merit in such cases. But would you agree that sexual minorities have a distinct PR problem?

In my late teens and every 20s, I did spend some time on the local LGBT scene. It was interesting, yet it never felt right. I distinctly remember the feeling of relief when I stopped hanging out with those people. It was basically full of angry lesbians who seemed to hate half the humanity for being born male, and half of them were what I named "panzer lesbian" -- I'll leave you to imagine what that means. I was also uncomfortable with how gays seemed to constantly hook up with each other. And the music was crap, complete crap.

If I had any interest in men, I'd stay as far as possible from the gay scene. Ironically, I was often called a fag and sometimes bullied (I never let it become a thing) for having some traits that plebeians associate with gayness. How is it my fault that male long coats look boring.

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Day 11: ?

Just a fucking terrible day. I woke up after 6 hours of sleep, completely fucking drained and tired and just wanting to go back to bad. So I did. After about three hours, I achieved a few glorious victories: brushed my teeth, took a shower, and even made lunch. Amazing stuff indeed.

I honestly don't believe it can get any worse than this, so if I can manage to get through it without going insane and perhaps even be somewhat productive, things are bound to get better. At least that's the theory.

CHIPTUNE BEST MUSIC OK

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You seem to be in a bit of a low time (awful English strikes again, sorry), there's been a few posts in a row in that mood. As an expert in the topic (heh) I can tell, it will get better. Then probably a bit worse again, but hey, that's how it goes. At least you're still on the road and that's what matters. 

Now you can hit me for being one of those normal extrovert normal people always feigning optimism normal normal. I'd do it in your place. Nah, I was serious about it, stay positive man.

Everyone was having a great time here with their problems and shit and then sexuality and intelligence theory showed up. Wait. What do you mean by...:

As a female

Noooooooo girls have the coootieees!

Edited by Hitaru
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You seem to be in a bit of a low time (awful English strikes again, sorry), there's been a few posts in a row in that mood. As an expert in the topic (heh) I can tell, it will get better. Then probably a bit worse again, but hey, that's how it goes. At least you're still on the road and that's what matters. 

Now you can hit me for being one of those normal extrovert normal people always feigning optimism normal normal. I'd do it in your place. Nah, I was serious about it, stay positive man.

Everyone was having a great time here with their problems and shit and then sexuality and intelligence theory showed up. Wait. What do you mean by...:

As a female

Noooooooo girls have the coootieees!

extroverts are peasants ok

introvert noblemen ftw

NKoTzPi.jpg

Edited by Marchosias
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Day 12: The New Normal

It's likely that I'll forever prefer being introverted. I can understand how becoming more extroverted may prove beneficial for people; I just doubt it's gonna happen for me. I honestly have zero (0) problems with staying inside the entire week, not really communicating with everyone, and just pursuing my projects (such as they are). But then, yeah, it's great to go out and talk to actual humans for a night or two. And if I decide to make it 3 or 4 nights instead of two at some point, fine. I just don't feel any pressure to do so.

There is so much to do anyway. I have to make more money on my content mill of choice. I'm still too slow for my taste when it comes to researching the subject, and I know this improves with practice. And then there are two other slightly more complex projects ... I just need to get going since everything else depends and is based on it.

I'm getting terribly bored as it is: even politics don't interest me that much any more. I think my passion has taken a great hit when I've realized that the vast majority of people, including myself, only belong to political movements for emotional reasons -- not so much because they/we want to improve ourselves and our societies. It becomes so obvious when you see how tribal and unable to agree to disagree most people are.

It's likely that I'll probably start a new blog: the current domain, nohappysong, just doesn't seem to work that well anymore. I need something more meaningful, something more meta. A blog that people of all political inclinations will love to hate, or just a loosely defined attempt to write somewhat interesting posts. The current social networks are increasingly rotting away as it is: there are people who're doing their best to turn them into cyber versions of 1984.

I mean, fuck, Twitter has just appointed Anita Sarkeesian to lead some sort of a committee that'll decide what kind of tweets should be policed.

crdrdui.jpg

PS: Mood is massively better. Keto FTW.

Edited by Marchosias
ACCORDING TO A NUMBER OF MY NOW FORMER FRIENDS THIS MAKES ME A HATEFUL NAZI THAT HAS LOST HIS MIND
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Good job on Day 12 man! The Anita stuff is really scary but I'm choosing to focus more on surrounding myself by positivity and shit like that than getting caught up in the drama of politics and Twitter. I was paying a lot of attention to the news the past few weeks and I was significantly less happy because of it. Time to refocus for me. :)

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Unending controversies full of hate with no practical purpose aside from victimism and claiming the moral high ground

Why do americans always make things go over the top? That fight to the death between spiteful female supremacists and not-so-closeted fascists, each one holding the rest of society as hostages. This is why we can't have nice things, people! 

At least here in glorious Spain know better: Bad guys won the war (better not talk about that...), government is evil, Spain can't into space, all those commies with dreadlocks are dread-ful (hah) and Everything is Germany's Fault. And no we're not giving back any gold. Ah, life is good in a third-rate country...!

Don't talk to people if you don't really feel like it, but don't give in to isolation either. Introversion in practice is simply a higher need of personal space, any other definition or implication was probably given by an extrovert. Middle grounds work usually fine. Except in medicine, bungee jumping or coitus.

Taking walks even if alone (or specially alone) work wonders for me, if I stay inside for too long my mood begins to drop exponentially. Maybe you should try it too?

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Day 13: Not Sure If Having to Make up 90 Titles Was the Best Idea

Ketosis has most definitely kicked in. I've had another night of fantastic sleep, I feel full of energy, and just generally more relaxed. For the past few weeks, the standard was to wake up at least somewhat tired and anxious about how the day will proceed. That's no longer the case.

That said, I had to quit: alcohol, World of Warcraft, high carb food. There's also smoking, but I just lost any interest to indulge in that the first time I relapsed after rehab. Perhaps something to do with the body biochemistry; I don't know. But I feel no urges to smoke and all, and frankly I never was such a determined smoker even though I smoked for 10 years.

That's not the case with everything else. Nothing, nothing, nothing would make me happier but to reinstall WoW, pick up two 6-packs, and order a pizza. Fuck, make it two pizzas -- nothing beats gorging to a point at which you can barely sit.

I am moderately satisfied with how keto is affecting me; I appreciate the relaxed and focused state of mind being games-free, but fuck. I will forever remember the rush and the danger will always be present. It's a lot to deal with.

But what's the alternative? I've gotten way, way to close to it.

As much as my current state is a relief in a way, my main motivator remains fear. And that's not a very good motivator.

Ultimately, the drive needs to be internal, not external. But I'm not at that stage yet.

I will not share my most immediate goal again since I'm paranoid about telling others about your plans and then failing. Maybe next week, after I manage to complete some of the work.

0wHOvHs.jpg

Edited by Marchosias
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Good job on Day 12 man! The Anita stuff is really scary but I'm choosing to focus more on surrounding myself by positivity and shit like that than getting caught up in the drama of politics and Twitter. I was paying a lot of attention to the news the past few weeks and I was significantly less happy because of it. Time to refocus for me. :)

You're running the only web community that deals with a form of addiction comparable to alcoholism and drug dependance. Trying to somehow integrate your political leanings into it would serve no purpose. But oh, I know who you follow on Twitter :P.

Everything that concerns life is inherently political. Focusing on yourself and killing off most (or even all) of the news is political as well: it goes heavily against a mainstream narrative of how a man should live. Once you do that, and after you succeed, then you can decide if you want to expand and to what degree/direction. In other words, spamming politically incorrect memes while your own life is shit means nothing.

I'm actually considering creating a Livejournal account again after all those years. I've been told that LJ doesn't bully its own users, unlike FB and Twitter, so perhaps it's time for (at least some of us) to migrate back where it all began. Just like back in 2003.

Edited by Marchosias
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Unending controversies full of hate with no practical purpose aside from victimism and claiming the moral high ground

Why do americans always make things go over the top? That fight to the death between spiteful female supremacists and not-so-closeted fascists, each one holding the rest of society as hostages. This is why we can't have nice things, people! 

At least here in glorious Spain know better: Bad guys won the war (better not talk about that...), government is evil, Spain can't into space, all those commies with dreadlocks are dread-ful (hah) and Everything is Germany's Fault. And no we're not giving back any gold. Ah, life is good in a third-rate country...!

Don't talk to people if you don't really feel like it, but don't give in to isolation either. Introversion in practice is simply a higher need of personal space, any other definition or implication was probably given by an extrovert. Middle grounds work usually fine. Except in medicine, bungee jumping or coitus.

Taking walks even if alone (or specially alone) work wonders for me, if I stay inside for too long my mood begins to drop exponentially. Maybe you should try it too?

I think my former therapist (guess the age and gender) officially proclaimed me to be schizoid or at least leaning towards it. Refer to the second point of my recent birthday post.

>2016.

>Still socializing with neurotypicals.

>NOPE.bmp

Is there a back story to "Spain can't into space"? Was there a space program that somehow failed?

I'm not trying to be one of those determined "moderates" whose political opinions shift depending on what the current extremes are. Some of my views, which I consider to be in fact moderate, are still considered as hateful by the majority.
 

 

Edited by Marchosias
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Day 14: Goth Girls Are Easy

There's a girl on FB -- I should say "a woman". She's probably 30 or very late 20s and has that distinct look that's been described as "a thousand cocks stare". Her pictures show: her being all goth, her baby daughter, 2 different men, no wedding pictures. How promising is that, but she's politically compatible with me, which is relatively rare considering that women tend to follow the mainstream. Maybe the tides are turning. But not really. Also, she's not intelligent enough, she's not pretty enough, she's a whore, she's insane. There's a certain attractiveness to the darkness that envelopes such girls. They like to be  abused in every way and there's a deranged part of me that loves that. I'm a terrible person, but it's so hot.

But who cares.

I'd probably look better in drag than her.

I will never approach a girl that isn't at least a 7 again.

Terrible.

12751634_1561133780867442_1068869492_o.j

Edited by Marchosias
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