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Restored journal


Amphibian220
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Today:

I’ve had no online distractions. I did dream about action films which I had watched in the past.

i will refrain from discussing things that don’t concern me at work. I will exercise in the evening.

Wish you all faith in yourselves.

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I was asked for advice and I said where exactly I wasn’t qualified to give it.

At one point I had to get distracted with poems because of tiredness. Did not exercise in the evening.

Today I’m going to exercise, check my exam dates and plan more to get more done.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Applied for one job. Going to revise for my exam today.

Did not get distracted by media.

Reading “Resurrection”

It may be fun to rob myself of time with distractions but its better to enjoy ordinary moments and put more energy and soul into them.

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I’ve had my first workout. Feel much better.

Memory pain activated today for a reason I can’t pinpoint. I put action films on the same level as video games at this stage because to a former addict they restart his habits of avoiding responsibilities.

@ Cam I like the concept of your website, but ideally your mission is about a return to a community that is governed and commanded by masculine authoritative figures,

2. where there is no hidden advertisements and consumption of harmful drugs,

3. there is a humble approach to increase in wealth and a greater concern for charity, helping others. What i mean by this is that you can’t offload hidden environment costs to the community at large, you can’t create addictive video games that manipulate the target etc. 

4. greater group feeling, maintaining family relations.

 

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I don’t appreciate lack of oversight over my work. Scrutiny and management is better for everyone’s motivation. I’ll start looking for a job closer to my research field and with greater accountability requirements.

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On 11/22/2021 at 6:57 AM, Amphibian220 said:

@ Cam I like the concept of your website, but ideally your mission is about a return to a community that is governed and commanded by masculine authoritative figures,

2. where there is no hidden advertisements and consumption of harmful drugs,

3. there is a humble approach to increase in wealth and a greater concern for charity, helping others. What i mean by this is that you can’t offload hidden environment costs to the community at large, you can’t create addictive video games that manipulate the target etc. 

4. greater group feeling, maintaining family relations.

What are you referring to here? I'm really curious.

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Game quitters is about a greater idea of quitting all habits that harm your health. Most delinquent gamers have other harmful habits- unhealthy eating, spending time on social media, refusing to undergo therapy, choosing not to communicate properly with their family.

When the gaming industry has established a higher net worth than the film industry it is an indicator of serious failure to produce healthy members of community.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am feeling more able to express my emotions, this is a great return on my discipline.

Two years after. I get dejavus when I encounter people that talk big business matters. Its very strange, I have to study how I can better articulate my experience and areas of work.

Went for a workout today. I miss boxing and sparring.

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On 11/29/2021 at 7:13 AM, Amphibian220 said:

To all blokes out there who consider that gaming isn’t bad on its own. Take a look at research posted by Cameron that games are being designed to be addictive.

Hmmm, I hear you! I do believe that quite a few of the more mainstream games are indeed designed like that, but certainly not all; some games are meant to be short experiences (like "Before I Go") or are simply a medium for creation of art (I vividly remember reading about a game that was made by an art student, but I cannot find anything about it- the game was never ":published" in the traditional sense). Neither of these games were considered in the research, btw. But, since most video games are, at the base, made to be entertaining, I do think that they can be addictive simply because of that. What do you think?

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A game is addictive just by having great visual and audio effects and great story telling. 

A multiplier effect is the gambling aspect. If you add the competition aspect with money prizes, it becomes more harmful.

 

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Just received an opportunity for a higher paid job, hard to make a choice. I need more information about the vacancy and a break to clear my head.

There is too much work atm.

what would you guys suggest for our motto?

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3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Just received an opportunity for a higher paid job, hard to make a choice. I need more information about the vacancy and a break to clear my head.

There is too much work atm.

what would you guys suggest for our motto?

Look at the job and see if it will solve some of the workplace issues you're frustrated with at your current job. It might improve your life. 

As for a motto, I think you gotta find something that rallies you from failure to success and have that be the motto. Mine has always been success is measured by how high we bounce after hitting rock bottom. 

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@BooksandTrees This will only be possible with an internship.

i had this moment of awakening when the way I was reacting to my difficulties started changing who i am.

I started discussing issues of grievance when I understood that i had no security net, no back up plan. I was almost ready to strike that civil servant who was abusing his position.

Then when I got into a different job, human contact went down, and that computer just makes me return to my old ways.

When i try to start a discussion on an important topic, Im just told to do the work. Oversight is lacking, work is plentiful, but I don’t know if its healthy for me over long term.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Yes I’ve got a dream job, but I need to go through many tests to get there, but its well worth it.

when I played games in the past, I had lost the habit of looking after my needs: I didn’t want healthy food anymore, or friendships, didn’t take interest in spending time with my family.

The boundaries that any normal person should have were mostly erased. I’m worried because at the moment it still feels unnatural to defend my interests and speak out. 

This is all the more worrying since I started building a communication network targeted  At getting praise and no criticism at all. People can sense this kind of thing. Its the third or fourth time that I was told I am working way below my experience level.

Its a known system trap, just to selectively follow evidence that suits my narrative and purposely to avoid evidence that runs contrary to that. This is what gamers do at the beginning of their gaming habit.

I need to test my boundaries soon, because I am just too soft.

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Im not missing my sleep, workouts, revision. 

If I don’t miss that from tomorrow, I’ll

get the necessary clarity of mind.

I need to start actioning my important goals. I will do that from this evening. Just one thought through business offer.

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On 12/25/2021 at 11:12 PM, Amphibian220 said:

@BooksandTrees good catch Matt, What rallies me from failure to success is the pain of failure and also the strife to find meaning and not throw my opportunities in life.

 

Reading the last couple of posts you made, it's great you're facing and addressing - and acknowledging these things.  The sting of failure will eventually lessen more and more - as we accept failures as building blocks to successes.  There is no one main 'end goal' - it really is all about the journey and your growth.   Accepting that part is huge.  Keep going!

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I prefer to work with poorly functioning systems than try and replace them.

When is a poorly functioning system worth replacing? You need to identify the prerequisites for a well functioning system, carry on using the old while you are building it up. You can’t switch to a new system without structural changes.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Slept well, exercised and revised my material.

Finally wrote a prospective application for a job more reflective of my long term career aspirations and experience level.

What I will try to do this week: call a spade a spade,

have the courage to be disliked,

avoid dreaming by acting out important goals. 

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